Should our kids tolerate bad behavior from coaches? As we the parents write the checks for this process, do you think a 12 year old girl should learn to obey all of the coaches commands without having a voice?
Great question: I relly took the time to gather my thoughts and give you my best argument and pov...
Your question poses a pertinent issue: Should our children endure inappropriate behavior from their soccer coaches? While your argument is indeed compelling, I would assert a resounding NO as the answer. Even though we, as parents, are the ones financially supporting these coaches, the fear of our child being sidelined or replaced often dissuades us from raising objections to such behavior.
This fear is heightened by the fact that we aren't powerful entities like individual car buyers in the market, where a single customer can influence the seller's behavior. The situation is complicated further by the queue of eager substitutes ready to fill any vacancy that arises on the team, making our position precarious.
This leaves us with a challenging decision: Do we turn a blind eye to the coach's behavior, or do we risk our child being cut from the team?
One could argue that a child's value to the team might grant the parents more sway over the coach, but this is a double-edged sword, particularly for those whose children may not be in the spotlight. Speaking up could potentially backfire if other parents choose to remain silent.
To effect any substantial change, a concerted effort is required from a majority of the parents. However, the competitive nature of the sport extends to the parents and children alike, often hampering any collective action.
In an ideal world, we would prefer Docs who not only possess excellent developmental skills but also boast exceptional communication skills. However, with less than a handful of so called top team choices available in Southern California, we're often left to select from a pool that is less than ideal. Thus, we often find ourselves forced to choose the lesser of several evils among Docs.
If a coach called my daughter a loser while he missed games and training and never really improved my daughter's position and game skills, would she be gaining mental strength for being submissive to this piss poor behavior? Would you the parent be mentally strong for tolerating that behavior from a coach by encouraging your child to suck it up?
This indeed is a thought-provoking issue. While the scenario is admittedly more extreme, my answer is an emphatic NO. If a coach lacks the ability to build up a player's morale, especially after criticism, they fail to fulfill a crucial part of their role.
While I acknowledge the potential value in 'tough love', there should always be boundaries. We have been fortunate not to experience such extreme cases of baseless insults like being called a 'loser', but it is plausible such situations exist.
The degree of tolerance for such behavior varies from family to family. The key here is to evaluate the situation as a family, weighing the pros and cons, and assessing whether the coach's methods align with your values. If the benefits still outweigh the negatives, then perhaps endurance could be considered. However, this is a deeply personal decision and one that may differ for every family and player.