I wouldn’t describe the behavior as common but I’ve seen quite a bit to know the op has a point about it. The behavior in d&d terms would be described not as “rare” or “common” but rather “uncommon”Thanks for the link, those rates are a little higher than here but in the ballpark. If the youngest ages pay $120 / game it's probably 60 for the center and 30 for each AR. Maybe 50 / 35 / 35. 60 minute halves plus HT plus time between games ... if you do 3 solo games you're making $198 for 4.5 hours or $44/per. Less if you're doing ARs.
Lots of good points in this thread - referee shortages are everywhere. Why? Bad behavior / low pay. The most experienced refs are doing MLS Next / ECNL / GA. Next tier are doing U17 - U19 State League. Next tier are doing U 14 - U16. Next tier is doing U13 - U11. By the time you get to U9 / U10 solos you're likely getting very new refs. There is very little infrastructure for training and development (not enough $$$ to build that system) and what exists targets the upper tier. We try to partner new ARs with experienced centers but there aren't enough higher level refs that want to do U12 and younger. So the new folks get thrown out there.
But is there much going on during the average U9 game that requires a top level ref? My experience says no. I think I've done ~10 solo 7v7s lifetime so small sample size. I've done way more U11 / U12 ... in seven years I can remember violent conduct in U12 or younger exactly once. OP makes it sound like every game is full of broken limbs, punches and mayhem. In my world, not so. As a parent, if you're yelling at a U10 ref about a throw in, foul, handling, or anything else you're doing something incredibly wrong.
Lots of debate in ref world about giving cards at younger ages. Some state associations explicitly tell you not to. We don't have a rule like that here but it's pretty rare. More common is to tell the coach, "Hey, can you tell #13 to play in a more safe manner?" "Coach, #13 is done for the day but you don't have to play a person short" gets used on rare occasions. As mentioned, there's just not much going on out there. Kids are more clumsy than anything and don't have the mass / can't generate enough force to do real damage on most occasions. I can count the # of serious injuries at all ages on two hands over ~ 1,800 games. If your particular player got hurt during a game, that sucks (my DD broke her leg during a scrimmage, although that was a fair tackle). It happens. But pretty rare.
Are there that many coaches out there with a Cobra Kai "sweep the leg" mentality? At that age group? I'm sure they do exist but I don't believe the problem is widespread. I can think of maybe 2 or 3 comments from coaches that crossed the line over the years. OP suggests this is every other week.
Maybe there is a bad actor out there as described, I have no reason to doubt you. I just don't think it's common. I would imagine the parents of the U7 screamer coach you described wouldn't stick around for very long.
Last thing - if you're at a match where you believe your child is in danger - because of the physical nature of the game, the inaction of the ref, the nasty behavior of the other coach, whatever - grab your kid and get the F out of there. If your house was burning down would you complain how slow the fire department was?
No easy solutions. Putting more money into the system would help but that comes from parents who already have a heavy financial burden.
I’ve seen it both as a ref and against my player. Once when he was 9 he was up against a Latino team with the coach constantly yelling at his players “bajen Los”…take ‘em down. Physicality is an integral part of the Mexican style of play but unless it is taught properly it can degenerate into just low skilled violence. Once saw a coach instruct the players to force the opposing striker out of the game by targeting him for an injury but thankfully my cr was on top of it and wound up ejecting the coach. More common in Latino teams but my kids first club year also went up against an Anglo team that was instructed to just shove kids out of the way and the ref was a “let ‘em play” ref so the game just degenerated into a shoving match and players slide tackling into each other…several were hurt including my kid, one somewhat seriously. Given the players have low body control at that age it can be dangerous but you are right they are more bendy and less body mass being thrown at them. Still, while soccer is a contact sport (and parents need to understand that) at the same time they didn’t sign up their kids for rugby or peewee football. And the concussion protocols in place have made folks hyper vigilant.
As to hanging out with a screamer you’d be surprised. I once volunteered for no pay to ar a game that was short a ref because I just happened to be there. Coach constantly berated his players, berated other team, berated me, berated the cr. Parents hung with the guy for several years despite being obviously ashamed of his behavior because he won. Manager even apologized to me and the crew afterwards but wouldn’t say boo to the coach for fear of getting her kid benched.