Ventura Coach Accused of Inappropriate Acts

Discussion in 'SoCalScene' started by Grace T., Jul 11, 2017.

  1. Real Deal

    Real Deal Bronze

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    Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon problem in the school setting:

    http://myfox8.com/2017/08/06/high-school-teacher-accused-of-sexually-molesting-8-students/

    Sadly, there are sick people out there. They will find a way to gain access. That said, most "grown men" are not sick people. Please don't lead your teenage girls to believe they are. But also, be sensible, and encourage them not to be alone with any grown men-- in cars, at hotels, or behind any closed doors.

    Our girls are not victims. They should be able to understand when a text about "good first touch" becomes about something other than their feet.

    They should also be empowered to speak up if it does. And that, fellow parents, is also up to us.
     
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  2. Nutmeg

    Nutmeg

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    Grown men in the youth soccer world should act like it and with that comes the responsibility to know that they coach kids, not adults. And ok sure not all grown men are sick people sure. But so what. Not all grown men rob banks, or break into houses. It doesn't mean I don't lock my sh.. up at night. No, our girls are not victims, they are smart intelligent, and athletic. Empowerment implies power, and in too many cases the power rests with those who poses it. Asking for someone regardless of gender who is more than 3 decades younger than there coach to "speak up" regardless of consequences or punitive action to me is naive. Many adults avoid confrontation, parents don't speak up enough, yet we want to hold kids to a higher standard. I understand the big picture issue that we want our kids to be leaders and have a voice. I agree with that. So sure texting a coach about missing a practice ok fine I guess. But I still ask myself why? If I'm a coach and my professional and personal way of life is one bad text, screen shot, phone call, away from being destroyed ...why take the risk. Why not have that extra layer of defense built in. Why should a club not have a written method a procedure for this. My belief is because most coaches thrive off power and ego. If I'm a coach I don't want my players having my number, and I sure as hell don't want theirs. Your a coach not a friend not a buddy. Go set up cones, make a session plan, pump up the balls, and train the kids hard, and put down the cell phone.
     
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  3. Soccer43

    Soccer43 Bronze

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    Excellent post! Absolutely correct that is naive to leave it up to girls to be the one responsible for setting boundaries. You are also forgetting that teenage girls often like the attention from grown men and will be receptive or invite that. There should be rules in place for both sides. Allowing individual personal contact with coaches creates an unprofessional and intimate relationship that is a breeding ground for problems that isn't necessary. I would be curious about how much personal interaction male coaches have with players on a boy's team vs a girls team.
     
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  4. vanbasten

    vanbasten Bronze

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    I'm a male coach of a flight 1 boys team in the 01 age group.

    I communicate directly with my players via group text weekly. Some respond directly to me but I always take my responses back to the group text chain. Unless it is something like "Hey coach i am missing practice because I need to study cause I have a C- in Calc" then I just say "ok, thx good luck".

    I also leave the door open to communicate with parents as well and they have full access to the same schedule the players do. However communicating exclusively with parents of older kids sometimes the message doesn't make it to the boys - especially when there is a language barrier with the parents. Plus, these guys are at school all day, then high school practice, maybe stopping home for an hour for a quick bite or to get homework done before coming to training, who knows if they even talk to their parents about soccer or their schedules in between?

    I would never treat a girls team the same way though as I treat boys. In fact, I wouldn't touch a girls team with a 10 foot pole. But that's because I'm a younger coach in my mid 20s - so I played not too long ago and heard how girls talked about male coaches. I knew of girls in high school who had relationships with male high school coaches (one of whom is now in jail for said relations).
    When I was right out of playing in college I trained a local U17 or U18 girls team and you could hear them giggling and chattering about you. When you are demonstrating exercises and ask for volunteers the same couple girls always volunteer and giggle, and stare - it was extremely awkward. Got off of that assignment in less than a month. It's not that I don't have self control. It's that I can't control what girls say about me when I am not there. If my name pops up in conversation and gets overheard by parents. That's all it takes to arouse suspicion and create drama.

    Nothing in the above is placing blame on girl soccer players at all. Just saying. Things happen, and both sides usually play a part in kicking things off.
     
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  5. smellycleats

    smellycleats Bronze

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    I do appreciate your perspective. However, I do not care how flirtatious or overly familiar a 14-year-old girl is with her coach. It is up to him as an adult to set boundaries. In the alleged case of VT at Eagles, the girl in question was about 14 and he was a 37-year-old man. There is no such thing as "mutual" when one participant is a child and the other is an adult.
     
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  6. Sons of Pitches

    Sons of Pitches Bronze

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    Predisposition conference scheduled for next week 11/9/2018, for the 2008 Nike Coach of the Year! Wonder if we will hear anything?
     
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  7. coachrefparent

    coachrefparent Silver

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    I wonder if Nike knows about this.
     
  8. ATRTDT

    ATRTDT Bronze

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    Where did you find the information?

    Looking forward to how many Eagles Board Members names he throws out on his way to prison.
     
  9. Sons of Pitches

    Sons of Pitches Bronze

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  10. jose

    jose Bronze

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    excellent post.
     
  11. Toch

    Toch Bronze

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    The sad part of cases like this is.. you never know who is the coach/admin/ref/teacher/counselor who should be shot and fed to the rats until after it’s too late. The sick part of this all, he probably will not get life in prison
     
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  12. jose

    jose Bronze

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    Trust nobody. The fear of offending is greater than self preservation or protecting a kid. If someone says "you don't trust me" ? answer should always be NO I dont, I don't trust anyone, you aren't special. If they are a parent they should understand. Always be on the lookout for strange behavior includes calls texts physical contact being alone off the field. Any coach that doesn't know what is appropriate or could be construed as inappropriate needs to find another line of work.
     
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  13. Sparky9

    Sparky9 Bronze

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    When someone says, "let me be honest" I feel the same way. ....so up to this point you haven't been honest...
    Do you trust me? Not anymore.
     
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  14. Sons of Pitches

    Sons of Pitches Bronze

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