THE DO’S AND DON’TS OF TALKING TO YOUR KID’S COACH

Striker17 said:
You forgot 99.9 percent never played at a high level either.
Even more humorous is most have never gone to a fine academic institution that the majority of us tend to try to get our children into. That’s even the funniest part. Would you actually trust them with admissions?! No thanks! Hard pass.
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Club soccer is often like Martials Arts. Have legit instructors and those found at McDojos who are 20th degree black belts in some style that was made around the time Karate Kid came out.
 
Coaches should always be accessible within reason. Coaches are there to coach the kids. If parents need to meet with the coach to discuss anything pertinent to training, set up a brief meeting. The coach isn’t their to hear the parents whine or complain about others.
 
Not_that_Serious said:
coach works for the club. you can ask why your kid doesnt get playing time, or why they played a certain way but you have no say in if your kid plays or tactics. just like the coach isnt going to your job and telling you how to: flip the burger, mow the lawn, clean the pool, sell some dude a policy, build a rocket, rebuild an engine or attach trumps head onto obama's body.

so you are going to tell a coach, who has probably played pro/national team/academies in Europe, coach odp, coach collegiate soccer, probably has at least a C license, etc, about his tactics or player choice? if the coach doesnt show up to practices, isnt showing up to games, or letting kids goof around, you are correct. To tell your coach what YOUR expectations are sounds like the arrogance Claudio Reyna spoke of. Ive manage a few years now and seen some crazy unrealistic expectations come from parents mouths. maybe your expectations are fair, but most coaches are not going to change how they do things because of parents.

i do agree, coaches arent there to power trip and if they are loud then maybe the child shouldnt be coached by them. see this at the field my kid has private group training at. the club has yell first, explain 2nd coaches. best coaches explain and yell when they need to.
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Love seeing stupidity rear its pretty face... the best coaches are the best teachers. Just because someone was great playing doesn’t mean they know how to teach. Soccer community gets suckered by the “I played in the WC”
 
Not_that_Serious said:
the problem isnt questions, the problem is some THINK they are asking questions but more telling coaches what to do...or complaining about something. Most parents only take away a couple things from a game: the score and how much time their kid played. They dont see their kid running out of position, or not doing what they are asked to do - especially at practice since most parents drop and leave. They dont see the gaping holes at the midfield, kids pulling up on balls, mids not tracking back on defense, -thus forcing changes during the game. They dont hear the coach yelling at their kid 3-4 times in a row to do something. Sometimes kids arent doing what they need to do - sometimes kids are lucky and shifted somewhere on the field and not pulled out completely. Good coaches tell kids why this happens. Then when the kid is asked by parents "Why did you get pulled?", its "I dont know" or or "Coach doesnt like me". Had a kid get benched and played 1 man down because the kid was walking all game. Parent came over to ask the kid why he was pulled and the kid told his dad "im hurt", to which the coach turned and said "no he isnt. can you please go to the other side of the field". Same kid has the foulest mouth and get kicked out of practice - yet parents first ones to complain to the club about playing time.

i do understand when coaches wont give info or just show up to make a pay check. A good coach will list all the reasons these things happen. Parents also have to accept what is being explained.
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You sound like paranoid coach reading to deep into simple questions thinking the questions are more about attacking you. News flash Mr Coach your feelings are NOT more important then the kids feelings. It's not always about you.
 
toucan said:
I have been coaching club soccer for over 20 years. I tell my players' parents to phone, text or email me any time they have a question or concern, or speak to me before or after practice. In that time, I believe I have only had one argumentative discussion happen as a result of that policy. Every other time a parent has spoken to me about their daughter's progress, her playing time, or my coaching philosophy, or anything else for that matter, we have always had an open and honest exchange of views, respectfully presented.

Parents pay the bills, and they want to know how their daughters are progressing. They want to know what is going on. They are entitled to the information. Keep the lines of communication open, and you will almost never have a problem.
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And like I have said there are a few real coaches that do their job correctly and it sounds like you might be one of them.
Do you coach at a big club or smaller type club?
 
toucan said:
Parents pay the bills, and they want to know how their daughters are progressing. They want to know what is going on. They are entitled to the information. Keep the lines of communication open, and you will almost never have a problem.
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As a parent, this is exactly how I feel, with the possible exception of the entitlement part. I think a good coach should set their communication policy exactly as you describe (and even more importantly, actually follow though with that policy and not just provide first team meeting lip service), but I don't necessarily think I'm entitled to it just because I write a check. I think it's simpler than that. It's the right way to treat and deal with other people and children who are there to learn and grow. Most of the time, we just want to know how our kids are doing, where they may be meeting, exceeding, or falling short of expectations, and the direction the coach sees for our player and the role they play for the team. I view my job as a parent of a young athlete as one of guidance and support, and it can be hard to do that when we're totally in the dark.
 
sandshark said:
And like I have said there are a few real coaches that do their job correctly and it sounds like you might be one of them.
Do you coach at a big club or smaller type club?
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I agree - this coach sounds squared away- wish there were more with this attitude. Many problems could be avoided
 
uburoi said:
The best coach my DD ever had told her that he doesn’t talk to parents, and if the parents try to talk to him their kid won’t play.
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We left a club when the coach told us that. It was the best soccer and all-around decision ever! My daughter was 9 and shy. His policy was asinine. It helped us decide to leave sooner than we would've. He didn't say your kid wouldn't play, but when we were forthright and let him know we were leaving at the end of the season, he punished her by not playing her (who does that to devastate a 9 yr old kid?). It confirmed it was the right decision. She's on one of the best teams in the nation for her age group and with one of the best coaches. Lesson learned - take these blessings in disguise and move on.
 
toucan said:
I have been coaching club soccer for over 20 years. I tell my players' parents to phone, text or email me any time they have a question or concern, or speak to me before or after practice. In that time, I believe I have only had one argumentative discussion happen as a result of that policy. Every other time a parent has spoken to me about their daughter's progress, her playing time, or my coaching philosophy, or anything else for that matter, we have always had an open and honest exchange of views, respectfully presented.

Parents pay the bills, and they want to know how their daughters are progressing. They want to know what is going on. They are entitled to the information. Keep the lines of communication open, and you will almost never have a problem.
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I completely agree. My parents know they can talk to me any time they want about there child. What I will not do is engage in a discussion about others on the team. Parents try to move from their kid to another, I put the kibosh on that right away. Otherwise, I think the more you are available, the less you actually have to discuss. Although I only coach the little ones, I still like to tell them what I want them to improve, work on, etc. We don't give these kids enough credit sometimes, they value that greatly and most of the time hear you.
 
Striker17 said:
I wish there was a scary or chilling icon...
The person you are describing is frightening on many levels.
Also for the record one coach I know who did that exact speech got “let go”.
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If the player is good enough the coach will call the parents! Coaches set boundaries, it’s important. I guess it’s case by case but this coach was the best. Ultimately the ability of the player tells the entire only important story and us parents should stay out of it. It’s hard for all of us parents to understand.
 
If the player is good enough the coach will call the parents? I am confused by the statement.
If I have an issue I talk to a grown man. If that grown man is threatened or bothered by that I realize I am talking to a child and break out the crayons and soft voice. I may throw in a happy meal toy if I am feeling generous.
I don’t ask permission to talk to track suits.
Multiple children, multiple sports and never ever have I had to ask permission to speak to any coach. I guess I am lucky.
 
Striker17 said:
If the player is good enough the coach will call the parents? I am confused by the statement.
If I have an issue I talk to a grown man. If that grown man is threatened or bothered by that I realize I am talking to a child and break out the crayons and soft voice. I may throw in a happy meal toy if I am feeling generous.
I don’t ask permission to talk to track suits.
Multiple children, multiple sports and never ever have I had to ask permission to speak to any coach. I guess I am lucky.
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Every parent wants something different from the coach and from the game itself. Some coaches communicate well. Some don’t. I love to hear stories of kids who succeed. My point was that if a player has it there is no need to talk to the coach. Normally we need to talk to the coach about something coach isn’t seeing in our kid and we want to know why. I am not saying us parents don’t have valid points.
 
Striker17 said:
If the player is good enough the coach will call the parents? I am confused by the statement.
If I have an issue I talk to a grown man. If that grown man is threatened or bothered by that I realize I am talking to a child and break out the crayons and soft voice. I may throw in a happy meal toy if I am feeling generous.
I don’t ask permission to talk to track suits.
Multiple children, multiple sports and never ever have I had to ask permission to speak to any coach. I guess I am lucky.
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So, you have never approached the coach and asked if he had a minute to talk? You just start with “Coach what is going on?”
 
Actually I usually wear my college jacket and carry a pitchfork and torch. I angrily walk up to him usually in front of the children for maximum effect. When all of he children are scared I grab my daughter by the shoulders and say “little eva kicks ball hard and you don’t play her”. That really resonates with him.
If he doesn’t immediately promise to play her I wrote a lengthy email to the DOC and copy all the Board members because coaches like that too.
I find they also like the “reply all” function on email. It’s important to keep everyone in the loop that you are upset that Chloe didnt get her number she has had since age five or that he singled her out during a cone drill.

This is little girls soccer. The problem is most parents haven’t been told that their daughters will not play in college or pro or YNT. Most coaches won’t do that and so because there is zero honesty and zero transparency we have this culture.
You are a parent. I assume a great one. It is my feeling that no one will advocate for your kid better than you. So because you know her and her needs then you do what you have to.
 
There was this one parent who would sit a couple of yards behind the coach and make comments to people sitting near him about the coach's decision, loud enough so the coach could hear him, such as when his son was subbed out he would say "What did he do wrong?".
 
I think that is tame actually. Maybe I have been so blessed with a special breed of exposure- the “game texters”, the “dads who want to touch base quick”, the “parking lot stalkers”, the “moms who just stopped by Starbucks”, the “I golf with the DOC”, I could go on and on with the level of parental insanity.
In the DA I do not have the time nor inclination to question every single decision that is made. I ask her if she wants to play and if she says yes we go.
 
Here goes the long winded KeeperMom2...I will take a leap and say most people are just looking for the basics in communication with a coach. Hey, what do you think about how my daughter is doing? Why isn't she getting as much playing time (Only if that hasn't been communicated with the kid first which if a kid is playing less than half a game, that should be communicated with them so they have an opportunity to change, get better, improve attitude etc.), what do you think she should be focusing on etc. While I don't have that problem as of now because my daughter is a young Keeper so she plays the whole game, that kind of communication would have been extremely helpful with my older daughter and she would probably still be playing soccer in spite of not playing for certain games. Honesty is the most important in that communication!!!!!!

Also, parents do have insight into their child and that communication with a good coach can make a difference in how he/she coaches that YOUNG child. I am not talking about being fragile with the breakable child.

Example of a lack of communication: We changed clubs because I asked 4 different coaches (coach of her team, coach of the top team, director of coaching, and the new coach that would be coaching the top team) over a 2 month period of time if my daughter was going to be moved to the top team since she decided she wanted to only play goalkeeper (They had been begging her to do it during the previous season but I didn't want to pigeon hole her into Keeper and my daughter didn't want to let her team down). This was during tryout season. After we missed all of the tryouts for the different clubs, and no one would give us a solid answer, my daughter was the one that said she was ready for me to reach out to other clubs. It would have been a disservice to my daughter to keep her at that club at the lower level because of where she was technically and we both knew that. They finally told my daughter she would play at the top level but we were already in communication with another club and felt we owed them the opportunity to look at my daughter since they had diligently stayed in communication with us over the rainy January/February. The new club team as a whole was much better than the team she left, and the coach was quite persuasive. When we left, they were all in a state of shock and the director accused me of not teaching my daughter about commitment. They tried hard to get her back to play at the higher level but their lack of communication is why we left. Had they communicated with us in a timely fashion, she would still be there. The reality is, my daughter is always replaceable and so is the club. Great communication can change everything for player and club.
 
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