THE DO’S AND DON’TS OF TALKING TO YOUR KID’S COACH
- Thread starter younothat
- Start date
Love seeing stupidity rear its pretty face... the best coaches are the best teachers. Just because someone was great playing doesn’t mean they know how to teach. Soccer community gets suckered by the “I played in the WC”
smellycleats
SILVER ELITE
Those that can’t do, teach....
sandshark
SILVER ELITE
You sound like paranoid coach reading to deep into simple questions thinking the questions are more about attacking you. News flash Mr Coach your feelings are NOT more important then the kids feelings. It's not always about you.
sandshark
SILVER ELITE
And like I have said there are a few real coaches that do their job correctly and it sounds like you might be one of them.
Do you coach at a big club or smaller type club?
As a parent, this is exactly how I feel, with the possible exception of the entitlement part. I think a good coach should set their communication policy exactly as you describe (and even more importantly, actually follow though with that policy and not just provide first team meeting lip service), but I don't necessarily think I'm entitled to it just because I write a check. I think it's simpler than that. It's the right way to treat and deal with other people and children who are there to learn and grow. Most of the time, we just want to know how our kids are doing, where they may be meeting, exceeding, or falling short of expectations, and the direction the coach sees for our player and the role they play for the team. I view my job as a parent of a young athlete as one of guidance and support, and it can be hard to do that when we're totally in the dark.
I agree - this coach sounds squared away- wish there were more with this attitude. Many problems could be avoided
We left a club when the coach told us that. It was the best soccer and all-around decision ever! My daughter was 9 and shy. His policy was asinine. It helped us decide to leave sooner than we would've. He didn't say your kid wouldn't play, but when we were forthright and let him know we were leaving at the end of the season, he punished her by not playing her (who does that to devastate a 9 yr old kid?). It confirmed it was the right decision. She's on one of the best teams in the nation for her age group and with one of the best coaches. Lesson learned - take these blessings in disguise and move on.
Socal United
SILVER ELITE
I completely agree. My parents know they can talk to me any time they want about there child. What I will not do is engage in a discussion about others on the team. Parents try to move from their kid to another, I put the kibosh on that right away. Otherwise, I think the more you are available, the less you actually have to discuss. Although I only coach the little ones, I still like to tell them what I want them to improve, work on, etc. We don't give these kids enough credit sometimes, they value that greatly and most of the time hear you.
U
uburoi
Guest
If the player is good enough the coach will call the parents! Coaches set boundaries, it’s important. I guess it’s case by case but this coach was the best. Ultimately the ability of the player tells the entire only important story and us parents should stay out of it. It’s hard for all of us parents to understand.
If the player is good enough the coach will call the parents? I am confused by the statement.
If I have an issue I talk to a grown man. If that grown man is threatened or bothered by that I realize I am talking to a child and break out the crayons and soft voice. I may throw in a happy meal toy if I am feeling generous.
I don’t ask permission to talk to track suits.
Multiple children, multiple sports and never ever have I had to ask permission to speak to any coach. I guess I am lucky.
If I have an issue I talk to a grown man. If that grown man is threatened or bothered by that I realize I am talking to a child and break out the crayons and soft voice. I may throw in a happy meal toy if I am feeling generous.
I don’t ask permission to talk to track suits.
Multiple children, multiple sports and never ever have I had to ask permission to speak to any coach. I guess I am lucky.
U
uburoi
Guest
Every parent wants something different from the coach and from the game itself. Some coaches communicate well. Some don’t. I love to hear stories of kids who succeed. My point was that if a player has it there is no need to talk to the coach. Normally we need to talk to the coach about something coach isn’t seeing in our kid and we want to know why. I am not saying us parents don’t have valid points.
So, you have never approached the coach and asked if he had a minute to talk? You just start with “Coach what is going on?”
Actually I usually wear my college jacket and carry a pitchfork and torch. I angrily walk up to him usually in front of the children for maximum effect. When all of he children are scared I grab my daughter by the shoulders and say “little eva kicks ball hard and you don’t play her”. That really resonates with him.
If he doesn’t immediately promise to play her I wrote a lengthy email to the DOC and copy all the Board members because coaches like that too.
I find they also like the “reply all” function on email. It’s important to keep everyone in the loop that you are upset that Chloe didnt get her number she has had since age five or that he singled her out during a cone drill.
This is little girls soccer. The problem is most parents haven’t been told that their daughters will not play in college or pro or YNT. Most coaches won’t do that and so because there is zero honesty and zero transparency we have this culture.
You are a parent. I assume a great one. It is my feeling that no one will advocate for your kid better than you. So because you know her and her needs then you do what you have to.
If he doesn’t immediately promise to play her I wrote a lengthy email to the DOC and copy all the Board members because coaches like that too.
I find they also like the “reply all” function on email. It’s important to keep everyone in the loop that you are upset that Chloe didnt get her number she has had since age five or that he singled her out during a cone drill.
This is little girls soccer. The problem is most parents haven’t been told that their daughters will not play in college or pro or YNT. Most coaches won’t do that and so because there is zero honesty and zero transparency we have this culture.
You are a parent. I assume a great one. It is my feeling that no one will advocate for your kid better than you. So because you know her and her needs then you do what you have to.
I think that is tame actually. Maybe I have been so blessed with a special breed of exposure- the “game texters”, the “dads who want to touch base quick”, the “parking lot stalkers”, the “moms who just stopped by Starbucks”, the “I golf with the DOC”, I could go on and on with the level of parental insanity.
In the DA I do not have the time nor inclination to question every single decision that is made. I ask her if she wants to play and if she says yes we go.
In the DA I do not have the time nor inclination to question every single decision that is made. I ask her if she wants to play and if she says yes we go.
Keepermom2
GOLD
Here goes the long winded KeeperMom2...I will take a leap and say most people are just looking for the basics in communication with a coach. Hey, what do you think about how my daughter is doing? Why isn't she getting as much playing time (Only if that hasn't been communicated with the kid first which if a kid is playing less than half a game, that should be communicated with them so they have an opportunity to change, get better, improve attitude etc.), what do you think she should be focusing on etc. While I don't have that problem as of now because my daughter is a young Keeper so she plays the whole game, that kind of communication would have been extremely helpful with my older daughter and she would probably still be playing soccer in spite of not playing for certain games. Honesty is the most important in that communication!!!!!!
Also, parents do have insight into their child and that communication with a good coach can make a difference in how he/she coaches that YOUNG child. I am not talking about being fragile with the breakable child.
Example of a lack of communication: We changed clubs because I asked 4 different coaches (coach of her team, coach of the top team, director of coaching, and the new coach that would be coaching the top team) over a 2 month period of time if my daughter was going to be moved to the top team since she decided she wanted to only play goalkeeper (They had been begging her to do it during the previous season but I didn't want to pigeon hole her into Keeper and my daughter didn't want to let her team down). This was during tryout season. After we missed all of the tryouts for the different clubs, and no one would give us a solid answer, my daughter was the one that said she was ready for me to reach out to other clubs. It would have been a disservice to my daughter to keep her at that club at the lower level because of where she was technically and we both knew that. They finally told my daughter she would play at the top level but we were already in communication with another club and felt we owed them the opportunity to look at my daughter since they had diligently stayed in communication with us over the rainy January/February. The new club team as a whole was much better than the team she left, and the coach was quite persuasive. When we left, they were all in a state of shock and the director accused me of not teaching my daughter about commitment. They tried hard to get her back to play at the higher level but their lack of communication is why we left. Had they communicated with us in a timely fashion, she would still be there. The reality is, my daughter is always replaceable and so is the club. Great communication can change everything for player and club.
Also, parents do have insight into their child and that communication with a good coach can make a difference in how he/she coaches that YOUNG child. I am not talking about being fragile with the breakable child.
Example of a lack of communication: We changed clubs because I asked 4 different coaches (coach of her team, coach of the top team, director of coaching, and the new coach that would be coaching the top team) over a 2 month period of time if my daughter was going to be moved to the top team since she decided she wanted to only play goalkeeper (They had been begging her to do it during the previous season but I didn't want to pigeon hole her into Keeper and my daughter didn't want to let her team down). This was during tryout season. After we missed all of the tryouts for the different clubs, and no one would give us a solid answer, my daughter was the one that said she was ready for me to reach out to other clubs. It would have been a disservice to my daughter to keep her at that club at the lower level because of where she was technically and we both knew that. They finally told my daughter she would play at the top level but we were already in communication with another club and felt we owed them the opportunity to look at my daughter since they had diligently stayed in communication with us over the rainy January/February. The new club team as a whole was much better than the team she left, and the coach was quite persuasive. When we left, they were all in a state of shock and the director accused me of not teaching my daughter about commitment. They tried hard to get her back to play at the higher level but their lack of communication is why we left. Had they communicated with us in a timely fashion, she would still be there. The reality is, my daughter is always replaceable and so is the club. Great communication can change everything for player and club.
chargerfan
GOLD
Dos and donts of talking to a soccer coach? As if they were the queen of England?
Here's a hypothetical. Your little Madison has been taking private piano lessons for a few months. You'd like to ask her piano teacher if she's improving, if this is a waste of your money, if she's taking it seriously, and if there is a piece she would recommend your daughter play at your cousins wedding.
Do you scour the internet for dos and donts to talk to the piano teacher? No. Is there a list on how to talk to a piano teacher? I would venture to say no. You'd probably just go up to the teacher after a lesson or maybe even call, right?
Now imagine the piano teacher says I don't talk to parents, all communication goes through your child. I'm pretty sure most of you would either be confused, or laugh, or both. Then you would most likely find a new piano teacher. You'd call your spouse, friends and die laughing over the piano teachers behavior. It would be a story for the ages.
Why is it different with a soccer coach?
Anyone who has your child for any amount of time during the week should always be available for you to speak to. If they don't or won't make themselves available, find a new coach.
Here's a hypothetical. Your little Madison has been taking private piano lessons for a few months. You'd like to ask her piano teacher if she's improving, if this is a waste of your money, if she's taking it seriously, and if there is a piece she would recommend your daughter play at your cousins wedding.
Do you scour the internet for dos and donts to talk to the piano teacher? No. Is there a list on how to talk to a piano teacher? I would venture to say no. You'd probably just go up to the teacher after a lesson or maybe even call, right?
Now imagine the piano teacher says I don't talk to parents, all communication goes through your child. I'm pretty sure most of you would either be confused, or laugh, or both. Then you would most likely find a new piano teacher. You'd call your spouse, friends and die laughing over the piano teachers behavior. It would be a story for the ages.
Why is it different with a soccer coach?
Anyone who has your child for any amount of time during the week should always be available for you to speak to. If they don't or won't make themselves available, find a new coach.
Totally agree.
I equate a soccer coach as similar to my child's teacher. If any teacher of one of my kids said that they will not talk to parents and that all communication was to go through the student, I'd be pulling my kid from that classroom the same way I would pull my kid from a team with that coach.
That being said, I do think it's appropriate for a teacher/coach to let parents know the best way AND best times to schedule a time to talk to them about their child.
FWIW I find that talking to teachers and coaches has evolved as my kids have gotten older. The older the kids are the more I let the kid take the lead.
In elementary school? Probably talked to the teacher at least once a month (not always with a problem, usually just a check-in to see if the child had any classroom issues we should be know about). My kids didn't really start competitive soccer until end of elementary school but I probably talked to the coach about the same amount of time just checking in to see if there was anything the child needed to work on.
In middle school/high school? I typically talked to the teacher once a semester at back to school night/Open House. However, if issues arose I talked to them more frequently if the child in question wasn't communicating well. With my kids coaches it's about the same. I usually talk to them before the season starts and then again at the end of the season. I mostly let my kid communicate with the coach, but if there's an issue I have no problem scheduling a time to talk just like I would with a school teacher.
coachrefparent
GOLD
This is so sensible, rational and reasonable. These comments have no place here.
