People were/is not upset because she or you spoke out about an abuser. That was the one good thing you did do.
Getting another player card to guest play?
- Thread starter Socal-Soccer-Dad
- Start date
So why are you upset with me? Let's be honest sockma. We have good TMs and bad TMs. We have good Docs and bad Docs. We have good coaches and bad coaches. We have good parents and bad parents. We have good human players and not so good human players. Thanks for letting me know that I did one good thing in my 11 years. A bad dad like me did one good thing? I looked in the mirror and showed my true self to you. I am a good dad, trust me. I have nothing to hide and already lost it all for my dd. Poor dd, she was just obeying my commands if a coach ever said, "do not tell your parents what I say, how I say it at practice or you sit and I will tell all the coaches your a bad human" you tell your old man. Another coach said he knows everyone in the game and I better STFU or no deal for my dd." I had a Doc say that she made "The List" at 13 only to come back and say, "Dude, I don't know what happen. This is wrong. Let me get back to you." Another Doc was sexually harassing one of his coaches and still another was having sex with one of the parents. I have TM stories but let's let not go there for now. One thing about me is I'm honest and straight forward and one bad abuser is one too many. The fact is, we have more than one bad apple in the soccer tree. I'm not saying yelling is bad. It's the abusive yelling and the mental abuse that comes with it. My dd was crushed from some bad coaches and a few bad TMs just because she was a Maverick. All the girls loved her as teammate. The girls in Spain love her. She comes back tomorrow. Her coach was awesome and helped her in so many ways, without yelling and screaming at her. I know this for a fact. The bad parents, bad TMs, bad Docs and bad coaches come on here 24/7 and some even tried to buy the forum. I know these fathers and few mama bears real well and they usually get what they want because their rich as hell. They just lied to the wrong dad. I had no idea the TMs had so much say but after today, I'm now convinced what really happened. Try to come up with maybe one more thing I did good in. Peace to you
The life of a TM isnt always gold plated Player ID cards and bat-phones with the coach. Heres 3 examples + how their situations turned out.
1st was an overly involved dad to the point of actually getting his coaching license. At the younger ages was heavily involved in recruiting + brought on all kinds of talent for the coach. As the team got older parents started to see through his passion/craziness + the team blew up + parents went to other teams to get away from him. Still a good team but not like before.
2nd was another overly involved dad that tried to control the team via money. Would do 1on1s with the coach + say who should be playing where and why. Would represent other parents behind their backs + say things not even remotely true. He was in involved with recruiting heavily with a hand in who gets to play on the team. This worked at the youngers level. As the team moved into olders he grouped a bunch of parents together to take over a perceived higher level letter league team. Several followed + burned bridges at the current club in doing so. Their new team isnt doing very hot + everyone knows who he is now so recruiting is near impossible. The team he left is kicking ass with all the new replacement players.
3rd was a woman. She wasnt involved with recruiting but did like to control the team by only providing info to whoever was her buddy at the time. Also played a role in who was accepted to the team. At the younger ages TM power can be huge because they often decide on tournaments, practice times, scrimmages, etc etc etc. Once we hit olders the new coach saw what was going on + started communicating directly through teamsnap to all parents at once to stop the TM filter layer. Now the TM is great because shes very organized + the coach doesnt let her control info (who gets it vs who doesnt)
As you can see aweful people tend to find their own over time. The same goes for good people. Also sometimes people can change when given an opportunity.
For the youngers parents dealing with a challenging TM. Keep in mind that once you get to the big letter league levels. Their power over the team significantly decreases. Schedules are more organized / defined so theres less decisions to be made or try to influence over. Also amazing players that have been overlooked for several years suddenly become starters + starters can go back to the bench. You never know.
1st was an overly involved dad to the point of actually getting his coaching license. At the younger ages was heavily involved in recruiting + brought on all kinds of talent for the coach. As the team got older parents started to see through his passion/craziness + the team blew up + parents went to other teams to get away from him. Still a good team but not like before.
2nd was another overly involved dad that tried to control the team via money. Would do 1on1s with the coach + say who should be playing where and why. Would represent other parents behind their backs + say things not even remotely true. He was in involved with recruiting heavily with a hand in who gets to play on the team. This worked at the youngers level. As the team moved into olders he grouped a bunch of parents together to take over a perceived higher level letter league team. Several followed + burned bridges at the current club in doing so. Their new team isnt doing very hot + everyone knows who he is now so recruiting is near impossible. The team he left is kicking ass with all the new replacement players.
3rd was a woman. She wasnt involved with recruiting but did like to control the team by only providing info to whoever was her buddy at the time. Also played a role in who was accepted to the team. At the younger ages TM power can be huge because they often decide on tournaments, practice times, scrimmages, etc etc etc. Once we hit olders the new coach saw what was going on + started communicating directly through teamsnap to all parents at once to stop the TM filter layer. Now the TM is great because shes very organized + the coach doesnt let her control info (who gets it vs who doesnt)
As you can see aweful people tend to find their own over time. The same goes for good people. Also sometimes people can change when given an opportunity.
For the youngers parents dealing with a challenging TM. Keep in mind that once you get to the big letter league levels. Their power over the team significantly decreases. Schedules are more organized / defined so theres less decisions to be made or try to influence over. Also amazing players that have been overlooked for several years suddenly become starters + starters can go back to the bench. You never know.
We must know the same dads
I have to disagree with you regarding the older TM/GM in ECNL/GA. Based on what the two TM's sockma and focomoso shared yesterday (Thank you for sharing the Truth with us), the TM talk's with the scouts and the college coaches on our dd/ds behalf. It makes sense now based on the film I have. I saw college coaches barely watching the games at the showcases. The lazy one's just talk with the TM to see if their truthful with their gossip. "Tell me about that fast one that just scored two goals." MY dd's only camp was to a very prestigious "BIG U" and she did so well winning the small sided championship, the head coach ran to my dd just because. I'm wondering now if he called the TM for the scoop of the type of human she is. My dd only showcase her Sr year, she had numerous coaches call her on her phone and make verbal offers and then she got ghosted after their due diligence and investigative work. I will say the Jab mandate was 100% a big issues they didn't want to deal with. I also wanted to share about my dd first two TMs. Both women and both did a fantastic job. I thanked them with a nice gift card and they did amazing and fun things with the girls. BDAY parties, swim parties and so much more. No recruiting at all. The coach actually went to the local rec league to find players. Daddy get's way too involved and God forbid you poach two of his stars.....lol
How it might go down regarding dad TM/GM recruiting your player. I will warn all parents here with this warning: If the coach is not recruiting your kid, buyer beware. You might just be walking into a bad situation and a year of pure hell. I made this mistake once and my dd paid the price and so did I. Big mistake on my part. I have to eat crow when it comes to my plate. I made mistakes in my 11 years of youth soccer. I never let that happen again until my kids last club team and that was not a dad recruiting, just a dad trying to help out because I quit club soccer and so did my dd.
U11 Final Score: The Bee Swarm 10 Orange Crush 0
Parents sit next to each other sometimes. Orange Crush dad is pissed off because he hates to lose and so does his boy, who also happens to be the best player on the Orange Crush. Bee Swarm is moving up to 11v11 and is looking to add players so the GM Daddy finds the pissed off father and does his pitch about winning and losing and the deal is almost closed. GM let's coach know and then the coach calls dad from Orange Crush and talks about winning and development and his private special training program and dad club hops over the Bee Swarm. The next season Bee Swarm is ready to play next level soccer. Half the players the GM recruited and now the GM is the TM to help teach what the scouts are looking for and how a player becomes a good human. Coach teaches the parent to always be grateful to the TM and even kiss their ring when asked. I really should write a book on all the joys and pitfalls in the recruiting process.
U11 Final Score: The Bee Swarm 10 Orange Crush 0
Parents sit next to each other sometimes. Orange Crush dad is pissed off because he hates to lose and so does his boy, who also happens to be the best player on the Orange Crush. Bee Swarm is moving up to 11v11 and is looking to add players so the GM Daddy finds the pissed off father and does his pitch about winning and losing and the deal is almost closed. GM let's coach know and then the coach calls dad from Orange Crush and talks about winning and development and his private special training program and dad club hops over the Bee Swarm. The next season Bee Swarm is ready to play next level soccer. Half the players the GM recruited and now the GM is the TM to help teach what the scouts are looking for and how a player becomes a good human. Coach teaches the parent to always be grateful to the TM and even kiss their ring when asked. I really should write a book on all the joys and pitfalls in the recruiting process.
Recruiters shouldn't be speaking with the TM reguarding players.
Most larger clubs have a recruiter liaison, this is the person that recruiters should be speaking with reguarding players.
It's in the clubs best interest to place as many players into college as possible. This is what's used to bring in new players and parents. Letting a TM control discussions reguarding player recruitment would be a terrible decision on the clubs part.
Most larger clubs have a recruiter liaison, this is the person that recruiters should be speaking with reguarding players.
It's in the clubs best interest to place as many players into college as possible. This is what's used to bring in new players and parents. Letting a TM control discussions reguarding player recruitment would be a terrible decision on the clubs part.
My dd just loved to play the game. The TM and some bad Docs must have said my kid was a bad human. I will say the Covid scam played a role in what kind of human she really was. College was already free for her at all the Cal State and Cal U schools. All she needed was housing and food, which she was earning at her part time job and was willing to work part time after soccer was over. The one issue was out of State schools so she did want to take a peak.
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I agree but what the two TMs sockma and focomoso are saying is true. It's the college coaches doing the snooping and probing. The TM's love the attention and "some" love to gossip. God forbid one of them hates your kid. I have this on film bro. I don't know what the heck they were talking about but it was long sometimes. Who the heck knows. The college coach has no idea what kind of human he or she is bringing into their program for 4 years and this is one of the ways they do their due diligence. I told one coach I thought it looked bad that the TM would be the only one on the side of the all the college coaches and YNT scouts and he told me their just handing out flyers. I sat on the other side watching for three years. I was not jealous at all, just a little curious at what the F they were talking about. Now I know.
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You also have to keep in mind that just like in youth competitive soccer the best college teams have the most amout of competition for minutes. Is it really worth playing on a super team like UCLA just to get bullied and harassed?
Also watch what's happening with the transfer portal. Often top teams are bringing on top talent from smaller schools their jr/sr year. Do you think your 18 yr/old can beat out a 22 yr/old that's been playing college level for 3 years?
This is why I dont sweat the TMs. If your kid has the talent coaches will find them. No amout of social games can hide reality forever.
Also watch what's happening with the transfer portal. Often top teams are bringing on top talent from smaller schools their jr/sr year. Do you think your 18 yr/old can beat out a 22 yr/old that's been playing college level for 3 years?
This is why I dont sweat the TMs. If your kid has the talent coaches will find them. No amout of social games can hide reality forever.
UCLA did not sit at the games from my time in club. They actually came to run our practice in 7th & 8th grade. They might do a cameo to say hi. They go off The List bro. I was told by 3 Docs if your not on the YNT or invited to camp, no chance at Big U plus you 100% better be a Unicorn type human being. The transfer portal is huge, unlike at any time. Lastly, if your can ball at 18, you will play at Big U and start.
Meh, maybe you're right maybe not.
I dont care.
Talent will find a way + always rise to the top over time. I dont think a lot of the parents trying to play social games have physically seen or been around players with crazy natural talent. Once you see it you'll quickly realize that sometimes it doesnt matter how much you practice others will always have an advantage.
[QUOTE="crush, post: 452092, membe
I agree but what the two TMs sockma and focomoso are saying is true. It's the college coaches doing the snooping and probing. The TM's love the attention and "some" love to gossip. God forbid one of them hates your kid. I have this on film bro. I don't know what the heck they were talking about but it was long sometimes. Who the heck knows. The college coach has no idea what kind of human he or she is bringing into their program for 4 years and this is one of the ways they do their due diligence. I told one coach I thought it looked bad that the TM would be the only one on the side of the all the college coaches and YNT scouts and he told me their just handing out flyers. I sat on the other side watching for three years. I was not jealous at all, just a little curious at what the F they were talking about. Now I know.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah - they're answering questions that are posed to them by coaches, like they're suppose to.
Your paranoid self is going to blame the TMs for all the things you thought your child deserved but didn't get.
Your DD was at Strikers for her last two years, are you blaming those Striker TMs for your child not being at a decent college soccer program?
I agree but what the two TMs sockma and focomoso are saying is true. It's the college coaches doing the snooping and probing. The TM's love the attention and "some" love to gossip. God forbid one of them hates your kid. I have this on film bro. I don't know what the heck they were talking about but it was long sometimes. Who the heck knows. The college coach has no idea what kind of human he or she is bringing into their program for 4 years and this is one of the ways they do their due diligence. I told one coach I thought it looked bad that the TM would be the only one on the side of the all the college coaches and YNT scouts and he told me their just handing out flyers. I sat on the other side watching for three years. I was not jealous at all, just a little curious at what the F they were talking about. Now I know.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah - they're answering questions that are posed to them by coaches, like they're suppose to.
Your paranoid self is going to blame the TMs for all the things you thought your child deserved but didn't get.
Your DD was at Strikers for her last two years, are you blaming those Striker TMs for your child not being at a decent college soccer program?
a hard working, kind, empathetic human beingHi sockma and focomos and all the other TMs and GMs on here. I have a few lurkers on here asking, "what defines a good human for girls college soccer program?" My sister in law and I would like to know as well, Thanks
Thank you. Is the hard working player allowed to speak up for another teammate or themselves if the coach is not kind and empathetic human being?
you're frozen in one moment in time. Life is a marathon, not a bee sting you encountered 7 years ago.
When you choose a college, make sure you chose a coach and college that has avenues for players to speak up for themselves and others freely. That's the due diligence of the soccer player. Talk to existing players and alumnis on the team to see what the team environment is like - like youth club soccer-do you research before you commit.
So you do know Master Crush and what happen 7, 6 and 5 years ago. It started 7 hears ago, that is true. Since you have all this recruiting down with your 17 years of TM and GM experience, how did a player actually do their due diligence 7 years ago? I mean, her BFFs all got phone calls in 7th and 8th grade by the top coaches after they sent emails and the top players were told their #1 on their list and they had 1 week to decide, yay or nay. Do you remember the old recruiting ways of the past sockma? I advised my dd not to email Yale, Duke, USD, Pep and all the rest until she was older and more mature. This advice was all to help her know what kind of human being she will become and if college was a good fit for her. Since my dd could ball, it was a wise move on her part. She decided after her Fr year in HS that college just might be for her but she wanted to have a meet and greet with just the coach, to get to know each other. The news rules were all set and no chat until June 15th of her soon to be Jr year, so she thought. Well, she was blocked from doing her due diligence because of the virus and the campuses was closed. Tough luck for her and just another little bee sting. So she was left to try her luck at the showcases her Sr year and send her video. Do you have any idea the number of calls back and reach out she got? The problem was it was worse than speed dating and impossible to get a read on the coach. It goes both ways so the coach also has to feel good about the player and take what the TM said about my kid and all the Docs, since they all know each other and the kind of kindness or lack there of the player has. My dd talked with one mom whose dd was depressed and cutting herself at one school I won't mention. Another parent told her about her older dd at X school and the coach was mean, abusive and a complete ass. Dude got fired but is at another school doing his coaching. For the record, I think most coaches can change if they change the way they talk and treat women in general. Some are jerks and will never change the way they treat girls and women. Were kind of seeing this behavior being played out on the big stage of life as I write. I really do appreciate your advice and insights. Lastly, it was no bee sting what she encountered 7, 6 and 5 years ago. I see how emphatic and kind you are as a human sockma.
You can only make decisions based on what you know. Read Dr. Seuss - Oh the Places you'll go. If you chose to go no where with the information you have, you'll get to exactly that location.
It's not perfect for any of the my children (all of our children had to deal with COVID) either but then that's life though, imperfect. I give your daughter more credit than you're giving her. For your kid, all those moments are just bee stings. It hurts, she dealt with it the best way she knew how but the bee is dead and she's still alive. She'll hold on to those lessons and improve her life as she goes on living her best life. But you know what she's not doing? Going on a public forum and reliving them publicly as often as possible. You've chosen to do that for her instead.
Stop dwelling on my metaphors and expecting them to be perfect. I like my metaphors and you're not being empathetic by being so hard on my bee metaphor.
I'm just saying that to show you how you like to turn something so as small as someone's metaphor into determining their humanity. I really don't care how you judge my metaphor - Keep judging.
The bee is not dead, miss know it all TM. You only have been here giving us your BS opinions for 7 months and you act like you know what's up with my dd and all her bee stings. WTF are you to say what kind of sting she got and the other girls who talk about their abuse of stings after the fact? Why after 17 years have you decided to join the forum and share your empathy and kindness with us? I think you're liar. Plus, calling abuse a bee sting is making light of a very evil sting. If my dd was allergic to bees and could die from the sting, then maybe I would agree with you. I'm trying to come up with a way better metaphor then a bee sting. So if a dd or ds is abused it's just a bee sting? Seriously? Listen lady, I want this to stop. I want men and women to stop abusing our kids in soccer. Do YOU HEAR ME LOUD AND CLEAR? Keep trying to use your BS metaphor. I didn't ask you the level of sting from the abuse, now did I? You should ignore me because I'm just getting started. Focomoso already hit ignore and most parents hate that I keep ranting on the past bee stings of my dd because it's depressing and makes the future a little dicey. Girls are actually cutting themselves, killing themselves, shutting down emotionally, checked out, looking to transfer and many other emotional traumas because of how assholes have treated them. Most are men by the way. I'm not sure what you are, but you projecting empathy is a fuc*king joke and I don't appreciate it one bit. You should move along and try your BS somewhere else. Who and what are you protecting? Don't you ever say what my dd and other kids have gone through as a little bee sting, you hear me? I have much more than a grudge. I want our colleges to protect our children. I want TMs 100% out of the process of youth soccer. Sorry about that TM/GM liar. 17 years and just joined the forum, ya right. You care way too much about this rare master parent Crush. I see you and raise you all my time and money. I've been fishing for you and now I found you.