Girls Development Academy

C.A.M. said:
My 06 son lost in the Finals at Cerritos this weekend. He is a keeper and had what may be his finest set of 6 games ever. Sadly made some errors in the Finals and they lost 4-3. Someone was consoling me saying he was fabulous because I looked annoyed and angry and I was. Not because he made errors, but that a team playing kickball won and that they coaches were bragging about how they worked so hard to develop the players.

Not hating on the victory because that team played hard! I just don't see what the kids get out of it in the long run beyond a medal and some bragging rights. It was an exciting game because of the events of the game, but frustrating to see because it stopped being fun to watch.

I love seeing these kids execute and perform like the big ballers on tv with the passing, skills and organization. The win at all cost on this level is not something I enjoy participating in at this stage of the game. Coaches need wins, but kids need development and it's such a hard line to walk balanced.
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I'm glad that you noticed the true situation. This is why some of us parents of older players sound jaded and skeptical. We have been through a lot of the hype, sales pitches and lies and once you get to the end of the road you are left with what occurred not with what was supposed to occur and the two are oftentimes not in alignment.

Good luck to you and your player.
 
I don't know softball parents dangit. Baseball parents are colorful but more fun so they can be tolerated. Perhaps it's that the games are 18 hours long so food and drink go a long way in creating unity.
If I hear one more person talk about scholarships and wins at 04 I may lose it.
Also the latest soccer crazy thing...@Makeaplay what is your take on marketing a ten year old? Parents are creating Instagrams for their children and "running them". What's your take on that?
 
MakeAPlay said:
I'm glad that you noticed the true situation. This is why some of us parents of older players sound jaded and skeptical. We have been through a lot of the hype, sales pitches and lies and once you get to the end of the road you are left with what occurred not with what was supposed to occur and the two are oftentimes not in alignment.

Good luck to you and your player.
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Thank you. We realized it a few years ago. I must admit the hard part was getting out of the "big name only" mind state and changed it to the right name mind state. I knew it after my girl aged up top flight and performed well. Came back to her age group the next season and the coach treated her poorly. I'm amazed he never told an 10 year old he was proud of her courage and desire to challenge herself. Knew right then this is all a business.

Now we act like our kids agents for soccer and not their parents. We scout teams that fit their goals, desires and needs to develop and that we can accommodate (including driving 1.5-2 hrs one way). They go and work on the field and communicate with their coaches like pros do. We oversee and stamp the big decisions and counsel them on how their careers are going. Each has a situation tailored for them and we gave up the dream of one club for one family.

I really don't think most people could do what we do because having two separate relationship situations with your children is so unconventional. We do what works for us. In fact this is what saved my relationship with my daughter.

I know this sounds personal, but I put it out there because I meet and speak to a lot of parents on the fields facing the same choices. What the DA system has taught me is these coaches want as little contact with us crazy parents as possible and us crazy parents have a hard time dealing with that. They want a coach/player relationship and guess what - so do our kids. It's a lot easier to handle when you know the coach is doing his/her job.
 
Striker17 said:
I don't know softball parents dangit. Baseball parents are colorful but more fun so they can be tolerated. Perhaps it's that the games are 18 hours long so food and drink go a long way in creating unity.
If I hear one more person talk about scholarships and wins at 04 I may lose it.
Also the latest soccer crazy thing...@Makeaplay what is your take on marketing a ten year old? Parents are creating Instagrams for their children and "running them". What's your take on that?
Click to expand...

My take is those parents need a life! Anyone who thinks constant parental pressure, overinvolvement, and making a sport top priority is a good idea, should take a look at Tiger Woods. His dad really did a number on him, and it left him a messed up guy.
 
C.A.M. said:
Thank you. We realized it a few years ago. I must admit the hard part was getting out of the "big name only" mind state and changed it to the right name mind state. I knew it after my girl aged up top flight and performed well. Came back to her age group the next season and the coach treated her poorly. I'm amazed he never told an 10 year old he was proud of her courage and desire to challenge herself. Knew right then this is all a business.

Now we act like our kids agents for soccer and not their parents. We scout teams that fit their goals, desires and needs to develop and that we can accommodate (including driving 1.5-2 hrs one way). They go and work on the field and communicate with their coaches like pros do. We oversee and stamp the big decisions and counsel them on how their careers are going. Each has a situation tailored for them and we gave up the dream of one club for one family.

I really don't think most people could do what we do because having two separate relationship situations with your children is so unconventional. We do what works for us. In fact this is what saved my relationship with my daughter.

I know this sounds personal, but I put it out there because I meet and speak to a lot of parents on the fields facing the same choices. What the DA system has taught me is these coaches want as little contact with us crazy parents as possible and us crazy parents have a hard time dealing with that. They want a coach/player relationship and guess what - so do our kids. It's a lot easier to handle when you know the coach is doing his/her job.
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How did it "save" your relationship with her? A parent-child bond should not be in trouble over something as dumb as soccer.
 
Striker17 said:
I don't know softball parents dangit. Baseball parents are colorful but more fun so they can be tolerated. Perhaps it's that the games are 18 hours long so food and drink go a long way in creating unity.
If I hear one more person talk about scholarships and wins at 04 I may lose it.
Also the latest soccer crazy thing...@Makeaplay what is your take on marketing a ten year old? Parents are creating Instagrams for their children and "running them". What's your take on that?
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Striker I hope you don't mind if I answer.

I have no problem with it because I understand how the hype machine works, but I just can't f'ing do it. I am a substance over style guy who believes development usually occurs out of the spotlight whether that is the training program or the school work. A little bit of glam here and there is cool, but all day every day for a player whose medals and wins mean absolutely nothing in the long run seems more like a marketing test than anything.

I hope shorty can show up and perform at a high level set of tryouts or in my boys case, 2.5 month trial. Substance matters most.
 
C.A.M. said:
Thank you. We realized it a few years ago. I must admit the hard part was getting out of the "big name only" mind state and changed it to the right name mind state. I knew it after my girl aged up top flight and performed well. Came back to her age group the next season and the coach treated her poorly. I'm amazed he never told an 10 year old he was proud of her courage and desire to challenge herself. Knew right then this is all a business.

Now we act like our kids agents for soccer and not their parents. We scout teams that fit their goals, desires and needs to develop and that we can accommodate (including driving 1.5-2 hrs one way). They go and work on the field and communicate with their coaches like pros do. We oversee and stamp the big decisions and counsel them on how their careers are going. Each has a situation tailored for them and we gave up the dream of one club for one family.

I really don't think most people could do what we do because having two separate relationship situations with your children is so unconventional. We do what works for us. In fact this is what saved my relationship with my daughter.

I know this sounds personal, but I put it out there because I meet and speak to a lot of parents on the fields facing the same choices. What the DA system has taught me is these coaches want as little contact with us crazy parents as possible and us crazy parents have a hard time dealing with that. They want a coach/player relationship and guess what - so do our kids. It's a lot easier to handle when you know the coach is doing his/her job.
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What I also learned are club coaches are poor communicators, especially since most parents are older than the club coaches.
 
chargerfan said:
How did it "save" your relationship with her? A parent-child bond should not be in trouble over something as dumb as soccer.
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Great question and I agree with you 100%.

She was pretty damaged coming out the aforementioned situation. She was ready to give up on soccer. Our relationship was very rocky because I refused to let her give up on her dream. Not because she has to make it, but because I'll be damned if she walks away from anything in life she loves because of someone else's problems being dumped on her. She saw me as the bad guy in the situation because I was the only person saying things were wrong and it had to change because they won everything. She was too young and inexperienced in life to see what I was doing. She thought it was about me and so did everyone else.

Now 3 years later she sees the whole picture. She is happy being her in every situation and makes the choices she needs to for her. Went to 2 different teams in 3 years where she knew no one and rocked it and got back to the top of the food chain. Her mom and I never spoke one word to her DA coach until after she got the offer. I am extremely proud of the young lady. In the meantime we had to devise a way to work with each other because there was animosity, etc...
 
chargerfan said:
My take is those parents need a life! Anyone who thinks constant parental pressure, overinvolvement, and making a sport top priority is a good idea, should take a look at Tiger Woods. His dad really did a number on him, and it left him a messed up guy.
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TW downward spiral happened after his dad died. Read the SI article on TW. It's a great read.
 
NoGoal said:
What I also learned are club coaches are poor communicators, especially since most parents are older than the club coaches.
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Exactly. Which is why transparency and communication from the club and coach are one of our main check points.
 
C.A.M. said:
Thank you. We realized it a few years ago. I must admit the hard part was getting out of the "big name only" mind state and changed it to the right name mind state. I knew it after my girl aged up top flight and performed well. Came back to her age group the next season and the coach treated her poorly. I'm amazed he never told an 10 year old he was proud of her courage and desire to challenge herself. Knew right then this is all a business.

Now we act like our kids agents for soccer and not their parents. We scout teams that fit their goals, desires and needs to develop and that we can accommodate (including driving 1.5-2 hrs one way). They go and work on the field and communicate with their coaches like pros do. We oversee and stamp the big decisions and counsel them on how their careers are going. Each has a situation tailored for them and we gave up the dream of one club for one family.

I really don't think most people could do what we do because having two separate relationship situations with your children is so unconventional. We do what works for us. In fact this is what saved my relationship with my daughter.

I know this sounds personal, but I put it out there because I meet and speak to a lot of parents on the fields facing the same choices. What the DA system has taught me is these coaches want as little contact with us crazy parents as possible and us crazy parents have a hard time dealing with that. They want a coach/player relationship and guess what - so do our kids. It's a lot easier to handle when you know the coach is doing his/her job.
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Amazing!! You have it figured out. Your daughter and her career are in good hands. Good job!
 
Striker17 said:
I don't know softball parents dangit. Baseball parents are colorful but more fun so they can be tolerated. Perhaps it's that the games are 18 hours long so food and drink go a long way in creating unity.
If I hear one more person talk about scholarships and wins at 04 I may lose it.
Also the latest soccer crazy thing...@Makeaplay what is your take on marketing a ten year old? Parents are creating Instagrams for their children and "running them". What's your take on that?
Click to expand...

At 10 I would be more concerned with the right fit for my player and her touches on the ball. Marketing to coaches comes much later IMHO. I am a Gen X'er so outside of a Linkedin and a not so secret twitter account to keep track of my player I am not very social media savvy. At the end of the day my goal has always been to set my children up for success in whatever they want to do. Part of setting them up for success is getting them to take control of their journey (with parental guidance/interference along the way of course!) and to emphasize the value of education as well as the experiential learning and values that come with being a part of a team. Everything else just wasn't part of my player's journey. We never sent out videos and she only went to the camp of the school that she currently attends. Our focus was always on her being prepared for her opportunities that we knew would come so the wins and losses and hype meant very little to us. Not to mention that the iphone had just come out her first year of club so social media wasn't nearly as prevalent as it is today.
 
chargerfan said:
My take is those parents need a life! Anyone who thinks constant parental pressure, overinvolvement, and making a sport top priority is a good idea, should take a look at Tiger Woods. His dad really did a number on him, and it left him a messed up guy.
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He was living the great life for a lot of years though. I'm sure his dad, mom and those around him thought "This was amazing. We did everything right. Look at how great our 25 year old son is doing. He's on top of the world."
Hard to tell what damage was done or help was given until a little later in life.
(A bit off topic. Sorry)
 
MakeAPlay said:
At 10 I would be more concerned with the right fit for my player and her touches on the ball. Marketing to coaches comes much later IMHO. I am a Gen X'er so outside of a Linkedin and a not so secret twitter account to keep track of my player I am not very social media savvy. At the end of the day my goal has always been to set my children up for success in whatever they want to do. Part of setting them up for success is getting them to take control of their journey (with parental guidance/interference along the way of course!) and to emphasize the value of education as well as the experiential learning and values that come with being a part of a team. Everything else just wasn't part of my player's journey. We never sent out videos and she only went to the camp of the school that she currently attends. Our focus was always on her being prepared for her opportunities that we knew would come so the wins and losses and hype meant very little to us. Not to mention that the iphone had just come out her first year of club so social media wasn't nearly as prevalent as it is today.
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Old School
 
Striker17 said:
Uh did you read my post? Apparently not.
OM plays Boys DA. So doubtful she will get passed up. She can run circles around pretty much anyone. Sorry sad but true.
As for your other assessment I think there is nothing wrong with focusing on your child's technique and play and speed until 13-14. They played 6-10. They all play futsal with boys. Then you introduce a highly skilled player into a system with a coach you trust. Shock you avoid burnout and overuse injuries. Maybe even she has joy of the game like CM when she came over from Brazil after no formal training?
I believe they are doing just fine.
Again wouldn't expect people on this board to be able to look at anything with fresh eyes or objectivity. It doesn't fit the needs of the herd
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Ahhh, but wait, puberty will hit soon.
 
Striker17 said:
I have not seen the drop off at our age group I expected yet. When does it usually happen- right before high school?
We still have hanger ons.
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You play in a controlled environment it won't show up until high school or the latter parts of the Championship season in whatever circuit you play in.
 
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