Ventura Coach Accused of Inappropriate Acts

sandshark said:
Better back grounds checks and drug testing should be mandatory!
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How about just implementing better polices around coach contacts with players - such as all communication outside of practice and games goes through the team manager, how about coaches must stay at different hotels during out of town tournaments, how about no contact outside of sanctioned club activities such as practice, games, official team meetings. There is no reason that a grown man needs to be sending private texts directly to my teenage daughter.
 
Soccer43 said:
How about just implementing better polices around coach contacts with players - such as all communication outside of practice and games goes through the team manager, how about coaches must stay at different hotels during out of town tournaments, how about no contact outside of sanctioned club activities such as practice, games, official team meetings. There is no reason that a grown man needs to be sending private texts directly to my teenage daughter.
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There are times a player may want to contact to the coach, like to ask about something they learned in practice, play time, an issue with a team mate, etc. As they get older, players should not need parent interference for those types of things. But a parent should be involved as a 3rd party, included in the text or email to the coach. A coach and player should also not be allowed to be alone under any circumstances. It is just common sense.
 
chargerfan said:
There are times a player may want to contact to the coach, like to ask about something they learned in practice, play time, an issue with a team mate, etc. As they get older, players should not need parent interference for those types of things. But a parent should be involved as a 3rd party, included in the text or email to the coach. A coach and player should also not be allowed to be alone under any circumstances. It is just common sense.
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Gotta kinda disagree on this. I hear you on the as players get older they may need to communicate with their coach on certain things. My point of contention here would be those things should be addressed on the field prior or post practice or even at the coaching or club office, with others coaches and staff present. Players and coaches figured out a way to to communicate prior to social Media and texting existing and all was fine with the world. I continue to be baffled by the amount of grown ass men who WANT to text and talk to teenage girls. just a huge red flag for me.
 
Nutmeg said:
Gotta kinda disagree on this. I hear you on the as players get older they may need to communicate with their coach on certain things. My point of contention here would be those things should be addressed on the field prior or post practice or even at the coaching or club office, with others coaches and staff present. Players and coaches figured out a way to to communicate prior to social Media and texting existing and all was fine with the world. I continue to be baffled by the amount of grown ass men who WANT to text and talk to teenage girls. just a huge red flag for me.
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This is opportune, but not always possible. I don't see a problem with emailing or even talking on the phone about a soccer-related question or issue as long as a parent is involved. Texting back and forth is a no no, but I can understand the player texting the coach saying they will be missing a practice, or asking if there is a good time for them to meet to discuss an issue. Email is preferable though. Of course the parent should be a 3rd party on this text or email.
 
chargerfan said:
This is opportune, but not always possible. I don't see a problem with emailing or even talking on the phone about a soccer-related question or issue as long as a parent is involved. Texting back and forth is a no no, but I can understand the player texting the coach saying they will be missing a practice, or asking if there is a good time for them to meet to discuss an issue. Email is preferable though. Of course the parent should be a 3rd party on this text or email.
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Here would be my example. DD is gonna miss school due to illness. You don't usually email or text your science teacher. NO the parent calls the school office to inform them of the absence. The school office then informs the teacher or teachers. Why should soccer be any different. There is just way too much access given to to kids these days. Just because you coach my DD shouldn't mean these dudes get access or the ability to communicate with them.
 
Nutmeg said:
Here would be my example. DD is gonna miss school due to illness. You don't usually email or text your science teacher. NO the parent calls the school office to inform them of the absence. The school office then informs the teacher or teachers. Why should soccer be any different. There is just way too much access given to to kids these days. Just because you coach my DD shouldn't mean these dudes get access or the ability to communicate with them.
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I call the school, but my kids email the teachers to ask about notes, class work, or homework they have missed. Generally I will send a quick text if kid missing soccer practice. But if they have a question or an issue, they can email the coach and cc me. I don't see what access or ability their coach gets when I am a 3rd party to any conversation.
 
chargerfan said:
I call the school, but my kids email the teachers to ask about notes, class work, or homework they have missed. Generally I will send a quick text if kid missing soccer practice. But if they have a question or an issue, they can email the coach and cc me. I don't see what access or ability their coach gets when I am a 3rd party to any conversation.
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Just parent preference. Access to me is the overall issue of who and how much access people have to DD. Whether that is socail media, texts, etc. third party CC is fine but I would rather that be switched. Parent or player texts club, and coach is CC'd or contacted by the club. I'd rather there be a set system club wide that has accountability and system of structure with multiple checks built into it. Meaning basically that every team has to follow the clubs overall communication guidelines. Not each individual coach making own rules. Too much can happen too much information or misinformation can be lost or misunderstood.
 
Nutmeg said:
Just parent preference. Access to me is the overall issue of who and how much access people have to DD. Whether that is socail media, texts, etc. third party CC is fine but I would rather that be switched. Parent or player texts club, and coach is CC'd or contacted by the club. I'd rather there be a set system club wide that has accountability and system of structure with multiple checks built into it. Meaning basically that every team has to follow the clubs overall communication guidelines. Not each individual coach making own rules. Too much can happen too much information or misinformation can be lost or misunderstood.
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Yes, parent preference. I do have a real issue with coaches following their players, or other teams or clubs players, on social media. That is inappropriate, no matter which way you slice it.
 
Nutmeg said:
Here would be my example. DD is gonna miss school due to illness. You don't usually email or text your science teacher. NO the parent calls the school office to inform them of the absence. The school office then informs the teacher or teachers. Why should soccer be any different. There is just way too much access given to to kids these days. Just because you coach my DD shouldn't mean these dudes get access or the ability to communicate with them.
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Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon problem in the school setting:

http://myfox8.com/2017/08/06/high-school-teacher-accused-of-sexually-molesting-8-students/

Sadly, there are sick people out there. They will find a way to gain access. That said, most "grown men" are not sick people. Please don't lead your teenage girls to believe they are. But also, be sensible, and encourage them not to be alone with any grown men-- in cars, at hotels, or behind any closed doors.

Our girls are not victims. They should be able to understand when a text about "good first touch" becomes about something other than their feet.

They should also be empowered to speak up if it does. And that, fellow parents, is also up to us.
 
Real Deal said:
Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon problem in the school setting:

http://myfox8.com/2017/08/06/high-school-teacher-accused-of-sexually-molesting-8-students/

Sadly, there are sick people out there. They will find a way to gain access. That said, most "grown men" are not sick people. Please don't lead your teenage girls to believe they are. But also, be sensible, and encourage them not to be alone with any grown men-- in cars, at hotels, or behind any closed doors.

Our girls are not victims. They should be able to understand when a text about "good first touch" becomes about something other than their feet.

They should also be empowered to speak up if it does. And that, fellow parents, is also up to us.
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Grown men in the youth soccer world should act like it and with that comes the responsibility to know that they coach kids, not adults. And ok sure not all grown men are sick people sure. But so what. Not all grown men rob banks, or break into houses. It doesn't mean I don't lock my sh.. up at night. No, our girls are not victims, they are smart intelligent, and athletic. Empowerment implies power, and in too many cases the power rests with those who poses it. Asking for someone regardless of gender who is more than 3 decades younger than there coach to "speak up" regardless of consequences or punitive action to me is naive. Many adults avoid confrontation, parents don't speak up enough, yet we want to hold kids to a higher standard. I understand the big picture issue that we want our kids to be leaders and have a voice. I agree with that. So sure texting a coach about missing a practice ok fine I guess. But I still ask myself why? If I'm a coach and my professional and personal way of life is one bad text, screen shot, phone call, away from being destroyed ...why take the risk. Why not have that extra layer of defense built in. Why should a club not have a written method a procedure for this. My belief is because most coaches thrive off power and ego. If I'm a coach I don't want my players having my number, and I sure as hell don't want theirs. Your a coach not a friend not a buddy. Go set up cones, make a session plan, pump up the balls, and train the kids hard, and put down the cell phone.
 
Excellent post! Absolutely correct that is naive to leave it up to girls to be the one responsible for setting boundaries. You are also forgetting that teenage girls often like the attention from grown men and will be receptive or invite that. There should be rules in place for both sides. Allowing individual personal contact with coaches creates an unprofessional and intimate relationship that is a breeding ground for problems that isn't necessary. I would be curious about how much personal interaction male coaches have with players on a boy's team vs a girls team.
 
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Soccer43 said:
I would be curious about how much personal interaction male coaches have with players on a boy's team vs a girls team.
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I'm a male coach of a flight 1 boys team in the 01 age group.

I communicate directly with my players via group text weekly. Some respond directly to me but I always take my responses back to the group text chain. Unless it is something like "Hey coach i am missing practice because I need to study cause I have a C- in Calc" then I just say "ok, thx good luck".

I also leave the door open to communicate with parents as well and they have full access to the same schedule the players do. However communicating exclusively with parents of older kids sometimes the message doesn't make it to the boys - especially when there is a language barrier with the parents. Plus, these guys are at school all day, then high school practice, maybe stopping home for an hour for a quick bite or to get homework done before coming to training, who knows if they even talk to their parents about soccer or their schedules in between?

I would never treat a girls team the same way though as I treat boys. In fact, I wouldn't touch a girls team with a 10 foot pole. But that's because I'm a younger coach in my mid 20s - so I played not too long ago and heard how girls talked about male coaches. I knew of girls in high school who had relationships with male high school coaches (one of whom is now in jail for said relations).
When I was right out of playing in college I trained a local U17 or U18 girls team and you could hear them giggling and chattering about you. When you are demonstrating exercises and ask for volunteers the same couple girls always volunteer and giggle, and stare - it was extremely awkward. Got off of that assignment in less than a month. It's not that I don't have self control. It's that I can't control what girls say about me when I am not there. If my name pops up in conversation and gets overheard by parents. That's all it takes to arouse suspicion and create drama.

Nothing in the above is placing blame on girl soccer players at all. Just saying. Things happen, and both sides usually play a part in kicking things off.
 
vanbasten said:
I'm a male coach of a flight 1 boys team in the 01 age group.

I communicate directly with my players via group text weekly. Some respond directly to me but I always take my responses back to the group text chain. Unless it is something like "Hey coach i am missing practice because I need to study cause I have a C- in Calc" then I just say "ok, thx good luck".

I also leave the door open to communicate with parents as well and they have full access to the same schedule the players do. However communicating exclusively with parents of older kids sometimes the message doesn't make it to the boys - especially when there is a language barrier with the parents. Plus, these guys are at school all day, then high school practice, maybe stopping home for an hour for a quick bite or to get homework done before coming to training, who knows if they even talk to their parents about soccer or their schedules in between?

I would never treat a girls team the same way though as I treat boys. In fact, I wouldn't touch a girls team with a 10 foot pole. But that's because I'm a younger coach in my mid 20s - so I played not too long ago and heard how girls talked about male coaches. I knew of girls in high school who had relationships with male high school coaches (one of whom is now in jail for said relations).
When I was right out of playing in college I trained a local U17 or U18 girls team and you could hear them giggling and chattering about you. When you are demonstrating exercises and ask for volunteers the same couple girls always volunteer and giggle, and stare - it was extremely awkward. Got off of that assignment in less than a month. It's not that I don't have self control. It's that I can't control what girls say about me when I am not there. If my name pops up in conversation and gets overheard by parents. That's all it takes to arouse suspicion and create drama.

Nothing in the above is placing blame on girl soccer players at all. Just saying. Things happen, and both sides usually play a part in kicking things off.
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I do appreciate your perspective. However, I do not care how flirtatious or overly familiar a 14-year-old girl is with her coach. It is up to him as an adult to set boundaries. In the alleged case of VT at Eagles, the girl in question was about 14 and he was a 37-year-old man. There is no such thing as "mutual" when one participant is a child and the other is an adult.
 
vanbasten said:
I'm a male coach of a flight 1 boys team in the 01 age group.

I communicate directly with my players via group text weekly. Some respond directly to me but I always take my responses back to the group text chain. Unless it is something like "Hey coach i am missing practice because I need to study cause I have a C- in Calc" then I just say "ok, thx good luck".

I also leave the door open to communicate with parents as well and they have full access to the same schedule the players do. However communicating exclusively with parents of older kids sometimes the message doesn't make it to the boys - especially when there is a language barrier with the parents. Plus, these guys are at school all day, then high school practice, maybe stopping home for an hour for a quick bite or to get homework done before coming to training, who knows if they even talk to their parents about soccer or their schedules in between?

I would never treat a girls team the same way though as I treat boys. In fact, I wouldn't touch a girls team with a 10 foot pole. But that's because I'm a younger coach in my mid 20s - so I played not too long ago and heard how girls talked about male coaches. I knew of girls in high school who had relationships with male high school coaches (one of whom is now in jail for said relations).
When I was right out of playing in college I trained a local U17 or U18 girls team and you could hear them giggling and chattering about you. When you are demonstrating exercises and ask for volunteers the same couple girls always volunteer and giggle, and stare - it was extremely awkward. Got off of that assignment in less than a month. It's not that I don't have self control. It's that I can't control what girls say about me when I am not there. If my name pops up in conversation and gets overheard by parents. That's all it takes to arouse suspicion and create drama.

Nothing in the above is placing blame on girl soccer players at all. Just saying. Things happen, and both sides usually play a part in kicking things off.
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excellent post.
 
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