outside!
DA
Thanks for speaking out with your perspective.
DD's has been fortunate to be on teams that always had a core of involved moms. As a dad I do what I can to help the team but I feel better knowing there are moms looking out for the girls.
Ventura Coach Accused of Inappropriate Acts
- Thread starter Grace T.
- Start date
DD's has been fortunate to be on teams that always had a core of involved moms. As a dad I do what I can to help the team but I feel better knowing there are moms looking out for the girls.
Sheriff Joe
DA
My u16 daughter has absolutely loved 2 out of the 3 club soccer coaches she has had and it makes me sick to think we have to really be fearful of such garbage. We also go to all games and practices and privates, but I am pretty sure it didn't happen at those. The parents might have to take some of the responsibility for this as well.
Sucks all around.
With most of if not all DD's with a cell phone these days it makes this topic on point. Cell phone, text messaging players, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, twitter, email, combined with a club soccer culture in Socal that is ultra competitive where coaches and club directors want more and more access to players who are minors. Coaches almost mandate no communication with parents only players, many coaches try or seek out to communicate via text or email directly with players. setting up group texts for players and coach. Most clubs have no protocol for after practice meetings with players. Should be on field in full view of everyone with parent present ( or close by) . If players have questions than same should apply. Not in parking lots or locker rooms etc. And this just refers to your current club coach, not even getting into the texts or emails from coaches recruiting or personal training coaches etc. Maybe incidents like this are not that common but frankly one is too many. The real danger is access. Access equals the opportunity for this situation to occur. Does your DD's principal, or PE teacher text her on the cell or email her. No! Then why why should a soccer coach. Does your DD's science teacher follow her on Instagram. No! Than should her or A soccer coach. Probably not. But many do. The hard truth is we as parents needs to take back some of this access. Maybe give these guys something to think about, put some pause in the back of their heads. These are not college players or mini pros, they are 10-18 year olds. Coaches need to be open with training, show their product, demonstrate their character through actions not talk. Allow parents access to them and to understand who they are. If your that good of a coach you should have no issue with this. If your insecure or a diva coach than imo that's an issue. Too many old school minded men still coaching and in charge of our DDs, not enough women not enough ex players. Just my thoughts.
As a coach, I communicate with parents a ton. Text. Email. Lunch. Beer. Coffee. Player evaluations. Etc.
My team is an 04, so that is 12 and 13 year olds. They all have phones. I've gotten a few direct texts from players in the last month. Their parent gave them my phone number.
I sent a message out saying "I'm glad that your player is comfortable enough to reach out to me directly. And I'm glad that you are comfortable enough to give them my phone number. But from now on, if a player has to Text me, they MUST include their parent on the message."
I have an Instagram and musically account that I use to watch my kids stuff. I'm not very active on them. I'm more of a facebooker. I do NOT ever add anyone under the age of 30 as a friend. But a lot of kids (players and my kids friends) will request to follow me.
Times have changed and parents need to be super on top of all of the new commucations avenues that kids have access to.
My team is an 04, so that is 12 and 13 year olds. They all have phones. I've gotten a few direct texts from players in the last month. Their parent gave them my phone number.
I sent a message out saying "I'm glad that your player is comfortable enough to reach out to me directly. And I'm glad that you are comfortable enough to give them my phone number. But from now on, if a player has to Text me, they MUST include their parent on the message."
I have an Instagram and musically account that I use to watch my kids stuff. I'm not very active on them. I'm more of a facebooker. I do NOT ever add anyone under the age of 30 as a friend. But a lot of kids (players and my kids friends) will request to follow me.
Times have changed and parents need to be super on top of all of the new commucations avenues that kids have access to.
At two clubs I know of including mine players have been explicitly told that they are to communicate directly with their coach either verbally or via email or text. Coaches want players to express themselves or their concerns, not have their parents do it for them.
I like your approach. I think it's appropriate and reasonable but can tell you the absolute opposite is happening at the top clubs in SOCAL. They don't want parents in the communication chain. If you ask to be included you are "that parent". Now mind you I could care less but I can tell you a lot of parents go along with that plan because they have been convinced it's part of some greater "coaching".
Again I am shocked and appalled at what soccer coaches get away with in their treatment of adolescents. Never ever seen the same type of behavior in ANY OTHER SPORT.
I like your approach. I think it's appropriate and reasonable but can tell you the absolute opposite is happening at the top clubs in SOCAL. They don't want parents in the communication chain. If you ask to be included you are "that parent". Now mind you I could care less but I can tell you a lot of parents go along with that plan because they have been convinced it's part of some greater "coaching".
Again I am shocked and appalled at what soccer coaches get away with in their treatment of adolescents. Never ever seen the same type of behavior in ANY OTHER SPORT.
In theory that's great. But coaches can't shift responsibility of their actions to anybody else. Just because a coach did not give his phone or email to a player and a parent did doesn't mean anything. The club and coach must have written measures and protocols that protect the club, themselves, and the player. I doubt your club will fund your legal fees. The argument in a court of law of well the parent said it was ok to text a minor will not hold up. Even if the coach did nothing wrong. Is it worth 18 months at least of your life for a trial and who knows how much money. Not to mention you will never coach again. College players rarely text or email their coach or want to for that matter. Yes exceptions do occur for scheduling issues , classes etc, but most use office hours and sit down with the head coach of it's a soccer issue. Or talk after training. So why is a 12 -13 year old girl texting an adult male coach for any reason ok. Nothing good comes from that long term. Talk on the field, in person where players and coaches need to look each other in the eye and communicate. Imo too Many hide behind technology to communicate to avoid a potential conflict.
I'm all to familiar with this new method of coaches wanting and seeking out zero accountability. I wish in my job I could say that i alone decide who I will and will not talk to. Must be great.
Couldn't agree more. Why is club X following a 14 year old? Who is running That account? It's creepy.
Why do 14 year olds have 2700 followers? Where are their parents?
Why do 12 year olds have marketing Instagrams?
Yes we can judge you if you put it out there.
Something to be said for privacy nowadays. The internet is forever. What is cute when you are 12 not so much at 17 when trying to be taken seriously for college. These Instagrams are nothing short of embarrassing and don't even get me started in VSCO!
Pro tip ladies look at the camera. Smile. You aren't "artsy" by staring to your left or at your get in every picture. Smh
Famous quote a a tryout two years ago- "your mommies and daddies are not welcome to call me". Top team.
The girls were asked to not tell us stuff. Happens all the time.
Also wary of those without children but hey that's a whole other story. For me the coaches following them in Instagram and the clubs is alarming and always has been
coachrefparent
GOLD
10% of boys and 25% of girls are molested? Not true. Cite your stats.
We have heard the same message from several coaches - excluding parents from communication and texting/social media between minor girls and adult male coaches, also coaches telling the players that parents are not to know what is discussed
smellycleats
SILVER ELITE
Gymnastics
LifeisGood
SILVER ELITE
This is terrible what likely happened to this girl and potentially others that may have been in contact with this coach, but please don't throw out garbage statistics out there, like you mentioned above. Those are completely incorrect. They are like the statistics that are used that something like 1 in 3 college students will be sexually assaulted in college, but if you look at how the study was conducted, even an unwanted advance is considered an assault as it pertained to the study, in order to justify the intent of the person conducting the study.
I don't know you, but please don't throw out baseless statistics that may lead some to think many of these coaches, teachers, etc, are child molesters that you and your children should be afraid of. It's a great disservice and insult to the vast majority of GOOD men and women who teach and work with all of your children. Obviously, you should be diligent parents and involved in your child's school and sports, but painting such a broad and inaccurate brush over all the people who do so much good for our kids is infuriating.
Well I will just jump in here with both feet and say that put me in the camp of HELL YES an unwanted advance is an assault when it's a minor child or for that matter any women. Get a grip. Ok sure the stats are weak and not sourced. Here's my broad stroke. This mentality is BS. Our DD's are the good ones. If coaches really care I'd hear more about this topic from them rather than keep your parents away. But it's radio silence business as usual in the coaching community. Are coaches doing so much good for our kids? Or are they simply doing their job. I love to take that poll on the forum. Your infuriated about parents having an open discussion on a parent soccer forum about a soccer coach sexually assaulting a minor. Really ok.
coachrefparent
GOLD
No. The poster claimed 25% of girls in this country are molested, not that they are asked out on a date. This is patently false, and such hyperbole is lame.
Actually, its pretty close: https://victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics
chargerfan
GOLD
There are a few (male) coaches from a different club than ours who used to follow my daughter. She said she received follow requests from them. They would even comment on soccer related pictures. Of course I made her block them. Why would a coach need to follow 12 year old girls on instagram? I looked at who these coaches were following, and it was all young players from many different clubs. I would be concerned, to say the least, if that was our coach.
I am at a complete and total loss for words. If those words came out of the mouth of my kid's coach we would find a different club. Stunned that a coach would say this.