In watching the videos I could find I absolutely agree. Its crazy how much the game has evolved and they continue to get better every year.
Recruiting Tips for Parents Just Starting the Process
- Thread starter MakeAPlay
- Start date
WildcatToad
BRONZE
On November 10, 2022, Semioccerfan wrote the message that I copied and pasted below. At that time, my DD had just completed her 2nd year of D1 Soccer. His words resonated with me then. They have resonated with me for the past 2 years. My DD played her final game of D1 Soccer on Sunday. It has been interesting, to say the least. I am reposting his message now for the parents "just starting the process."
It has taken me a few days to collect my thoughts the best I can but they are still clouded by emotion. Here goes:
Simisoccerfan out!
To Simisoccerfan, thank you for what you posted 2 years ago. There is not a single word that you wrote that is any different than the experience that I/We/My DD had.
And, Damn! I am so proud of my daughter, but so sad it is over!
WildcatToad out!
It has taken me a few days to collect my thoughts the best I can but they are still clouded by emotion. Here goes:
- Soccer was never my daughters number one priority nor should it have been. She loves her school and her teammates. She has had so many wonderful experiences at college and developed life long friends from college and her club. So no she would not change any of her decisions though clearly she wished she played more. She played most games but not all and those were decisions made by others.
- Soccer was probably my number one priority for her for most of her college career and I was wrong for putting it so. As a parent you want the best for your kid. There are many steps on the path from playing AYSO as 4 year old to graduating from a D1 program as scholarship athlete. Very few players make it the end. It is easy to get caught up in that path and always looking for more. The best advice I can give is enjoy the whole journey however far she makes it because it all ends too fast.
- Things will happen that are out of your control. Injuries, torn acl’s, coaching changes, and new recruits every year are a few of them. You have no control over coaching decisions too. These things will change the experience for your kid. Learn to deal with them.
- Coaches are being paid to win. They get bonuses for it too or fired if they lose to much. They also don’t get paid much. Almost every assistant coach makes less then your kid will make in their first job. They have their own agenda and all too often that agenda is not what’s best for your kid. This ain’t club soccer. It’s a business. The sooner you realize this the better. The only time you have any power is in the recruiting process. Some will say the Transfer Portal also gives you power but the grass is rarely greener.
Simisoccerfan out!
To Simisoccerfan, thank you for what you posted 2 years ago. There is not a single word that you wrote that is any different than the experience that I/We/My DD had.
And, Damn! I am so proud of my daughter, but so sad it is over!
WildcatToad out!
Congrats Wildcat Toad on your daughters achievements. A few others are ending after this season as well. Amazing journey for all of you, having played all four years of college, getting their degrees, becoming young adults that I'm sure will be successful. I was able to finally see my daughter play this past year in college, getting all the starts and some conference recognition after the season was over and I couldn't be prouder of her considering everything she has been through. These 4 years aren't easy, that is for sure.
I'll end by saying I HATE INJURIES!!!! 4 of the 6 seniors on my daughters team were lost for the season and listening to them speak at the team banquet was heart wrenching. Hoping more research on ACL's for women will accomplish a reduction in these injuries.
diamondcoach
SILVER
It’s been a while since anyone has commented in this forum, so I thought I’d jump in…If you’re experiencing the recruitment process for the first time, best of luck. My biggest piece of advice…be patient. I would also share that regardless of what you do, there are ZERO guarantees.
My daughter’s U19 ECNL team (national champs) had 23 on the roster. All 23 went D1.
Many (according to my daughter) have expressed frustration adjusting to their new coaches. At least three transferred after their sophomore year.
My daughter picked school over soccer. A choice that has been regrettable at times for her… But is still something I would tell kids & parents today.
For her, the coach that recruited her left three months after she committed. As the highest rated recruit on the team, she led them in scoring as a freshman. As a sophomore, she found herself losing playing time to freshman that were recruited by the new head coach…but she still managed to lead the team in scoring (again).
My daughter is convinced the head coach doesn’t like her…my advice to her has been to focus on the things you can control. Be the first on the field at practice and the last one off. Because the only thing she can control is how hard she works.
Bottom line, there are no guarantees. My daughter stays because she’s getting an Ivy League education. And at the end of the day…That piece of paper she will receive (diploma) is the only thing that matters.
My daughter’s U19 ECNL team (national champs) had 23 on the roster. All 23 went D1.
Many (according to my daughter) have expressed frustration adjusting to their new coaches. At least three transferred after their sophomore year.
My daughter picked school over soccer. A choice that has been regrettable at times for her… But is still something I would tell kids & parents today.
For her, the coach that recruited her left three months after she committed. As the highest rated recruit on the team, she led them in scoring as a freshman. As a sophomore, she found herself losing playing time to freshman that were recruited by the new head coach…but she still managed to lead the team in scoring (again).
My daughter is convinced the head coach doesn’t like her…my advice to her has been to focus on the things you can control. Be the first on the field at practice and the last one off. Because the only thing she can control is how hard she works.
Bottom line, there are no guarantees. My daughter stays because she’s getting an Ivy League education. And at the end of the day…That piece of paper she will receive (diploma) is the only thing that matters.
Multi Sport
DA
That's a solid post with great advice..
And having 23 on a U19 team and all 19 going D1 is impressive! I always advise families that are picking a college/soccer combo, to remember that the coach is a total wildcard due to just what happened in the above post as well as other things out of your control, such as injuries, performance, etc. In the old days, you were much more locked into the school for soccer purposes, but even so today, make sure the school is one you really can live with. Life has a lot of twists and turns and as one of the greats once said to my daughter, be flexible and ready to go with the flow.
This is funny. I think every player feels like this at one time or another. Mine is on her 3rd head coach and second team. Players think coaches have favorites, then when they talk to those favorites, those favorites think the coach doesn't like them. Diamond Coach, I sent you a DM.
Congrats on the soon Ivy degree for dd and I mean that 100%. I joke around and use some satire to just be me. I stopped sharing horror stories because so many have been treated like shit from coaches.
Sad: This Guy Spent $500k On Ivy League Education And All He Knows How To Do Is Chant ‘Free Palestine’
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Local man Asher Grayson, who recently graduated from Harvard with a degree in neuroscience, confessed he feels woefully unprepared to join the workforce because the only thing he knows how to do is chant "Free Palestine!"
babylonbee.com
This post is just too accurate. Read it twice!
My daughter’s U19 ECNL also won the national championship a year later. 22 on the roster. 21 of them went D1 and one chose not to play anymore.
After the college freshman year, 3 transfers so far, several redshirts, NIL changing the rules/landscape, and a big influx of foreign players into women’s D1 programs. And lots of complaining about style of play in the college program. Head Coaches that recruit players leave, get fired, and sometimes move on to greener pastures. Asst coaches, who often do much of the recruiting, are paid poverty like wages and the vast majority are looking for a head coaching job. Expect change in the coach(es) who recruited you and were on that magical phone call. For some, it’s a 6 year period from that recruiting phone call on 15 June until your kids college graduation.
The transfer portal is seen as a second chance for over 2,000+ girls every year. In my opinion, it’s too easy to transfer (in all college sports), but that is the reality.
Just like diamondcoach said, the degree is what they keep for life, and that is what matters.
I recommend, go to a university you would want to attend if there was no soccer. Otherwise, there is a strong chance your daughter may be looking at the transfer portal. It’s a second lease on a college soccer career, but the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side. Oftentimes, the most successful transfers were from players who played significant minutes at a smaller school with the associated all-conference honors moving to a bigger D1 program, instead of a bench sitter or redshirt at a Power 5 Big Girl U trying to move laterally.
And finally, be realistic in your players ability and what school they can actually get on the field. Sitting the bench for 3+ years is not easy on anyone. Good luck to all in the process.
dk_b
GOLD
Interesting to pop back in to see this thread from time to time. The experience is so dynamic - my kid was recruited under the old rules, she was a Covid kid (HS class of 2020) so she had a 5th year (of her ECNL team, 12 players went D1; 4 played all 5 years; 1 ended up not playing a minute; and the balance played between 1 and 4 years), she was recruited by one staff but played for another, she had success at a P5 (now P4) but still transferred to another P4, started at a quarter school but will earn her degree from a semester school and NIL exists in these last years.
I agree with the idea of being realistic about a player's ability and how that might frame the collegiate experience generally and the college-athlete experience specifically. I am actually one who believes that choosing for a program is not necessarily wrong but you need to choose with your eyes open about what it might mean if a coach left, a "better" player was recruited behind you, etc.
The hardest thing for HS kids to understand - unless maybe they have a sibling who is playing sports in college or a dear friend who will give an unvarnished truth - is just how hard all of it is. These young people grind. And their bodies are beaten up. And their brains are fried. And sometimes the coaches or teammates are unpleasant. And sometimes it's hard to feel just normal. And it's not just at D1, it's every level. But how defining that is will vary by the person. It's just important to know that the experience is no cakewalk - whether you are a star on a ranked team or a sub on an NAIA team. The more they understand how hard it will be, the less shocking and the better able they are to turn the negatives into a small variable that does not define the experience.
Geeze. That looks really bleak. That is not what I mean. I think that my kids' (this one and her sisters who are playing D3) are really enriched by college sports. They have made great friendships and have had great experiences. And I do think my younger daughters were more emotionally prepared b/c of their sister's experience. Realistic expectations allow the players to make the most out of all of it.
I love you man. Wow, time sure has gone fast and all these "Covid" kids deserve an award for putting up with a lot of bullshit and nonsense.