Recruiting Tips for Parents Just Starting the Process

fotos4u2 said:
It is only a Title IX violation if BOYS DA players are also not excluded. Football has nothing to do with it since they play high school so it's not equivalent. It's also not equivalent if the sport isn't offered at the school (such as gymnastics, rugby...).

While it does suck, it seems the AD seems to be making a statement that they want to honor student athletes that go the extra mile and play for their school. FWIW we know quite a few DA players (both boys and girls) who quit DA senior year so they could play for the high school and get the NLI fanfare.
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So a school shouldn't honor a gymnast that gets an athletic scholarship because the gymnast chose not to play a sport offered by the high school? As you say, the gymnast isn't going the extra mile to play for her/his school.
 
socalkdg said:
They have a college scholarship, they went to your school, they got good enough grades to make it into a college, who gives a rats poop if they played their senior year at the school. Celebrate another fine High School Student advancing to college. Sheesh.
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Well put.
 
Simisoccerfan said:
NLI is finally here. She is signing tomorrow night at home! It was a shame she was excluded from her HS signing event. Last year's MVP and league champion but can't play this year because of DA. Every other girl on her DA team (different High Schools) was allowed to attend their HS event. Our but hurt Athletic Director decided to exclude her even though she is their only D1 athlete. Oh well.
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First, congratulations. Well done to your daughter. As for the AD's action, it is petty and not in the spirit of what high school sports is supposed to be about. I am glad you appear to be taking the high road, because yelling "Title IX" is not helpful unless this is based on her sex, which this appears not to be.

That being said, I would suggest her club dropped the ball by not having their own signing day for their players. I am a proponent of clubs doing these in the evenings, having some food/snacks, buying the players their college sweatshirt/banner/pen (whatever the budget allows), as not all high schools hold them, and you have spent a lot to get there.
 
You cannot expect to receive accolades from a HS athletic department when you behave adversely to the HS athletic department. They apparently took a stand against your daughter's support of and participation in an organization that is detrimental to HS and community sports. Sure it's a little petty, but it is more petty for USSF to ban kids from playing HS soccer. Your daughter picked sides with the evil empire, and high schools have every right to react accordingly.

But why is it that I suspect its decision had more to do with you than your daughter? Can you really expect a HS AD to allow someone to participate in the NLI ceremony when their daddy has this to say online about the HS soccer team: "Instead of playing a miserable game in the rain tonight with a team that none of her friends play on anymore, she is in Florida with 15 of her best friends."

You think that kind of attitude doesn't get around? In addition to that little gem, you also made sure to let everyone know your daughter was last year's MVP and is the school's "only DI athlete". If that is the same approach you took with the school, it's no wonder they did not react positively to the argument that she should be allowed to participate because "my daughter is better than all of the losers you're letting attend NLI day". You also went over the AD's head to the principal, then apparently contacted them through email rather than in person, and referred to the AD as "but [sic] hurt", when it is clear who is the one that's butt hurt. From you have said about your handling of this situation, it is no wonder it didn't end well.

If you (or preferably your daughter), had gone to the AD early on and explained that it wasn't what you wanted, that USSF had misrepresented that you would be able to play HS but then threatened to expel her after you signed the contract and left her in an impossible situation, things might have ended differently. Things certainly would have ended differently if your daughter had continued to help the HS team where she could and cheered from the bench during games. Instead, according to your posts, she is too good for everyone at her school and would rather spend her time with her real friends. And that's what she got. When will you ever learn?
 
End of the Line said:
You cannot expect to receive accolades from a HS athletic department when you behave adversely to the HS athletic department. They apparently took a stand against your daughter's support of and participation in an organization that is detrimental to HS and community sports. Sure it's a little petty, but it is more petty for USSF to ban kids from playing HS soccer. Your daughter picked sides with the evil empire, and high schools have every right to react accordingly.

But why is it that I suspect its decision had more to do with you than your daughter? Can you really expect a HS AD to allow someone to participate in the NLI ceremony when their daddy has this to say online about the HS soccer team: "Instead of playing a miserable game in the rain tonight with a team that none of her friends play on anymore, she is in Florida with 15 of her best friends."

You think that kind of attitude doesn't get around? In addition to that little gem, you also made sure to let everyone know your daughter was last year's MVP and is the school's "only DI athlete". If that is the same approach you took with the school, it's no wonder they did not react positively to the argument that she should be allowed to participate because "my daughter is better than all of the losers you're letting attend NLI day". You also went over the AD's head to the principal, then apparently contacted them through email rather than in person, and referred to the AD as "but [sic] hurt", when it is clear who is the one that's butt hurt. From you have said about your handling of this situation, it is no wonder it didn't end well.

If you (or preferably your daughter), had gone to the AD early on and explained that it wasn't what you wanted, that USSF had misrepresented that you would be able to play HS but then threatened to expel her after you signed the contract and left her in an impossible situation, things might have ended differently. Things certainly would have ended differently if your daughter had continued to help the HS team where she could and cheered from the bench during games. Instead, according to your posts, she is too good for everyone at her school and would rather spend her time with her real friends. And that's what she got. When will you ever learn?
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I am on record in my belief that high school soccer is an important part of this journey, particularly for girls, and disagree with the DA's policy. Ironically, one of the pros of high school soccer for players, having their hard work and accomplishments recognized within the community (like NLI day), has been ridiculed by more than one US Soccer leader as not important.

That being said, I would expect more from the adults in the school district, and do not support them holding the children accountable for the actions of their parents, if that was a factor.

Whether you are able to play or not, your school team is always your team, and kids should endeavor to be a part of it in any way they can, even if the DA says they cannot train and play games. Just as I believe kids should travel and attend their teams games and practices even when they are injured (unless they are rehabbing, unable, or cost is prohibitive), if my child was prevented from playing HS soccer by the DA, I would still expect them to try to be part of the team.

Perhaps that is one policy we should all consider as a response to this unfortunate circumstance.
 
Simisoccerfan said:
I already expressed my displeasure with what they are doing. I hoped that they would change their minds but I am not going to force them to honor her. In my mind two wrongs don't make a right. It just was a dick move not to recognize her in front of her peers and my understanding was that the coach had nothing to do with the decision. It was all the AD.
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Go to the school district right away unless it is private. get the media's attention. id do it just to jam it up their arse. It is a big moment for her
 
Dos Equis said:
I am on record in my belief that high school soccer is an important part of this journey, particularly for girls, and disagree with the DA's policy. Ironically, one of the pros of high school soccer for players, having their hard work and accomplishments recognized within the community (like NLI day), has been ridiculed by more than one US Soccer leader as not important.

That being said, I would expect more from the adults in the school district, and do not support them holding the children accountable for the actions of their parents, if that was a factor.

Whether you are able to play or not, your school team is always your team, and kids should endeavor to be a part of it in any way they can, even if the DA says they cannot train and play games. Just as I believe kids should travel and attend their teams games and practices even when they are injured (unless they are rehabbing, unable, or cost is prohibitive), if my child was prevented from playing HS soccer by the DA, I would still expect them to try to be part of the team.

Perhaps that is one policy we should all consider as a response to this unfortunate circumstance.
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I agree with everything you are saying. In the end, the high school's decision is short-sighted and unlikely to deter anyone from playing DA, but it's also hard to blame them for holding the line in opposition to an unfair policy by doing the only thing within their control. When the only steps available to oppose an unfair policy are petty, you often get pettiness.

I heard about a school district that responded to the HS ban by denying the entire club (DA and non-DA teams) access to field space at any school in the district. If you thought that making road kill out of one kid trying to attend a NLI ceremony was harsh, imagine hundreds of U7-U12 kids paying the price for USSF's unfair HS ban.
 
End of the Line said:
I agree with everything you are saying. In the end, the high school's decision is short-sighted and unlikely to deter anyone from playing DA, but it's also hard to blame them for holding the line in opposition to an unfair policy by doing the only thing within their control. When the only steps available to oppose an unfair policy are petty, you often get pettiness.

I heard about a school district that responded to the HS ban by denying the entire club (DA and non-DA teams) access to field space at any school in the district. If you thought that making road kill out of one kid trying to attend a NLI ceremony was harsh, imagine hundreds of U7-U12 kids paying the price for USSF's unfair HS ban.
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For the record, I believe the ban on HS soccer by the DA to be counter productive. Having said that, I do not see and have not seen the powers that be that determine all of the issues that govern HS soccer doing much of anything to improve the negative aspects. I still see new schools being built with fields that are too small that encourage more physical play. Most schools still use the 2 ref system, when football gets 5 to 7 referees. Athletic Directors actively discourage soccer players from getting opportunities to get a college scholarship (they are the ones that vote on CIF rules). I could go on and on, but soccer is still treated like the red headed step child of high school sports.
 
jose said:
Go to the school district right away unless it is private. get the media's attention. id do it just to jam it up their arse. It is a big moment for her
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Be careful what you ask for. The school district probably opposes the HS ban also and might decide the best solution is to retaliate on a greater scale against the club (see above) or even your kid since she's still at school through the end of the school year. The HS has already proven it is petty, so what makes you think that poking the bear isn't going to make things worse? As for media attention, are you not listening? Let's say you get the hit piece you want and not an article about crazy soccer parents and stupid USSF policies. Congratulations, you and your kid are now persona non grata in the neighborhood if you didn't already burn that bridge with your prior negative online commentary about the HS soccer team and AD. How many times do I have to tell people that the best way to get what you want in life is to foster positive relationships with those who have control over what you want. Don't threaten to sue them. Don't trash them online. Don't complain to the press. If it's too late for you to get one thing, it's not too late for the next thing that you were too short-sighted to see coming down the road. As I have previously told @Simisoccerfan, if you're going for the kill shot, you'd better hit.
 
End of the Line said:
I agree with everything you are saying. In the end, the high school's decision is short-sighted and unlikely to deter anyone from playing DA, but it's also hard to blame them for holding the line in opposition to an unfair policy by doing the only thing within their control. When the only steps available to oppose an unfair policy are petty, you often get pettiness.

I heard about a school district that responded to the HS ban by denying the entire club (DA and non-DA teams) access to field space at any school in the district. If you thought that making road kill out of one kid trying to attend a NLI ceremony was harsh, imagine hundreds of U7-U12 kids paying the price for USSF's unfair HS ban.
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Sounds like a terrible school district.
 
End of the Line said:
Be careful what you ask for. The school district probably opposes the HS ban also and might decide the best solution is to retaliate on a greater scale against the club (see above) or even your kid since she's still at school through the end of the school year. The HS has already proven it is petty, so what makes you think that poking the bear isn't going to make things worse? As for media attention, are you not listening? Let's say you get the hit piece you want and not an article about crazy soccer parents and stupid USSF policies. Congratulations, you and your kid are now persona non grata in the neighborhood if you didn't already burn that bridge with your prior negative online commentary about the HS soccer team and AD. How many times do I have to tell people that the best way to get what you want in life is to foster positive relationships with those who have control over what you want. Don't threaten to sue them. Don't trash them online. Don't complain to the press. If it's too late for you to get one thing, it's not too late for the next thing that you were too short-sighted to see coming down the road. As I have previously told @Simisoccerfan, if you're going for the kill shot, you'd better hit.
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Or you can show up at a board meeting for the school district and turn up the heat. At the end of the day the AD messed up and was petty and is probably just some stupid gym teacher who is a hater. Personally I would have raised hell. My kid missed tons of her high school games due to ODP and YNT stuff and her AD, principal and coach were very supportive. Maybe it is because this was south Orange County and all of the varsity players are club players (not to mention she played ECNL which shut down for the high school season locally). Going away quietly isn't the way that I would want my kid to learn. Teaching them that it is okay to be petty to punish kids or obsequious in order to get on somebody's good side is weak behavior in my opinion.
 
MakeAPlay said:
Or you can show up at a board meeting for the school district and turn up the heat. At the end of the day the AD messed up and was petty and is probably just some stupid gym teacher who is a hater. Personally I would have raised hell. My kid missed tons of her high school games due to ODP and YNT stuff and her AD, principal and coach were very supportive. Maybe it is because this was south Orange County and all of the varsity players are club players (not to mention she played ECNL which shut down for the high school season locally). Going away quietly isn't the way that I would want my kid to learn. Teaching them that it is okay to be petty to punish kids or obsequious in order to get on somebody's good side is weak behavior in my opinion.
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Like I said earlier, if you go for the kill shot, you better hit.

There is no doubt in my mind that your kid's AD, principal and coach were supportive at least in part because you and your daughter developed good relationships with them. I'm not going to waste my time looking at your older posts, but I suspect you've never made a negative comment on this board about your kid's HS team, coach or AD. The reason you're talking in hypotheticals about how you would handle a similar situation is because you never would have been in this predicament in the first place. In fact, I'd probably agree that going scorched earth would be the right thing for you since you presumably established your credibility with the school and laid the groundwork necessary to ensure that the AD's decision was indefensible before you went that direction.
 
End of the Line said:
Be careful what you ask for. The school district probably opposes the HS ban also and might decide the best solution is to retaliate on a greater scale against the club (see above) or even your kid since she's still at school through the end of the school year. The HS has already proven it is petty, so what makes you think that poking the bear isn't going to make things worse? As for media attention, are you not listening? Let's say you get the hit piece you want and not an article about crazy soccer parents and stupid USSF policies. Congratulations, you and your kid are now persona non grata in the neighborhood if you didn't already burn that bridge with your prior negative online commentary about the HS soccer team and AD. How many times do I have to tell people that the best way to get what you want in life is to foster positive relationships with those who have control over what you want. Don't threaten to sue them. Don't trash them online. Don't complain to the press. If it's too late for you to get one thing, it's not too late for the next thing that you were too short-sighted to see coming down the road. As I have previously told @Simisoccerfan, if you're going for the kill shot, you'd better hit.
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IF the relationship was fostered then they did that they they are jerks and if i felt pissed off enough id kick that bear in the nuts. Never be scared of a frigging school principle or coach they are just working stiffs like the rest of us no better no worse. If they try to retaliate they will be up a bigger creek. I've taken on the school district in a way more serious matter they back off if it brings bad publicity. That doesn't mean you end up getting your way but at least you didn't fold like a wimp.
 
Wow a lot of posts here. Looks like my nemesis is likely posting bad things about me. The bottom line is that she played for the HS team for 3 years. Last year they allowed all of the DA girls sitting out to attend the signing event. This year the AD told her she was being excluded. I thought that was a bit unfair. I was very polite in my email to him though my dd felt he was a bit rude when he talked to her. The surrounding High Schools in our area have not yet taken the same approach. I have never personally met the AD. I have good relationship with the HS coach who also had previously coached my dd in club for several years. She had nothing to do with the decision. It is what it is. Like every parent here I just want what it best for my kids and all kids everywhere.

On another topic this is a forum meant to share opinions. Not everyone will agree with those opinions and that is fine. For me the opinions that I post here to my fellow soccer fanatics helps me to vent and the banter can be fun. 99.9% of the people associated with soccer in CA don't even know or care about this forum. In the real world I have been nothing but supportive of HS and club soccer. I show up at every event. Volunteer my time. Donate. Drive my kids and their teammates to practices and games including out of area games. And cheer for everyone. This is both for HS and club. You can accuse me of being too proud of my kids but don't assume you know me or how I act in the real world based on my posts on this forum.
 
I hesitate to post this since I know how some people respond on this forum but my dd hurt her knee last week on the same day she signed her NLI. She is the sweetest, hardest working girl and I have been sick to my stomach these past few days. She spoke to her college coach before turning in the NLI (since that is the right thing to do) and they told her not to worry. They hope for the best but either way they are happy to have her. MRI was done today and it will be a few days until we know the results. You can hate on me all you want but please send positive thoughts her way.
 
Simisoccerfan said:
I hesitate to post this since I know how some people respond on this forum but my dd hurt her knee last week on the same day she signed her NLI. She is the sweetest, hardest working girl and I have been sick to my stomach these past few days. She spoke to her college coach before turning in the NLI (since that is the right thing to do) and they told her not to worry. They hope for the best but either way they are happy to have her. MRI was done today and it will be a few days until we know the results. You can hate on me all you want but please send positive thoughts her way.
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Best of luck to your daughter. Hopefully it is minor. Don't worry about opinions because everyone has one and unless it is your spouse or daughter's coach giving the opinion than it carries about as much weight as you allow it (which should be zero). Continue to fight the good fight and a speedy recovery to your player.
 
Simisoccerfan said:
I hesitate to post this since I know how some people respond on this forum but my dd hurt her knee last week on the same day she signed her NLI. She is the sweetest, hardest working girl and I have been sick to my stomach these past few days. She spoke to her college coach before turning in the NLI (since that is the right thing to do) and they told her not to worry. They hope for the best but either way they are happy to have her. MRI was done today and it will be a few days until we know the results. You can hate on me all you want but please send positive thoughts her way.
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Very sorry to hear that Simi. I know a few players that hurt their knees prior to reporting to their college team. They spent the fall season on the injured list, and are getting back into training to be ready for next fall. Some of them may even play this spring season. Best of luck to your DD.
 
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