Maybe, it SHOULD be all about winning...

[zanian]

Afterwards we talk about the game but mostly in general terms. My kids usually pipe up about what happened, especially if the other team was fouling too much or talking trash or there were weird calls.

I see so many majorly negative coaches, especially on the girls side and I am not sure why. They usually give a majorly negative speech at half time and after the game. The girls tend to discount it after a while. It wouldn't help to have an additional negative drive home. Your kids do have to develop a thick skin though.

The only thing I would directly criticize, which thankfully has never happened, is effort. And I am not sure if the drive home would be the place for that.

So many parents coach from the sidelines that it almost makes me laugh. Thankfully some clubs and coaches have put their foot down and told them to shut up.

 

[NorCalDad]

I agree with you 100%, but I do wonder if it actually makes a difference either way.

I look back at my son's soccer journey and I don't know that I could have done anything different that would have made him have more passion for soccer. The coaches have far more of an impact on that (unless you happen to act like Marinovich's dad), but I still think its ultimately about the kid's personality, like and dislikes. I believe to succeed at soccer at the highest levels you have to have a huge passion for the sport. This is true for all sports, but for some reason I feel like its even higher for soccer. I think some of that is attributable to the fact that in most cases you have to start the game at a younger age. As compared, to football where are lot of great players don't play until high school, or in the case of Antonio Gates and Brandon Aubrey until after college. When do you ever hear of a great pro soccer player who started the game in high school?

The no talking to kids after a game should also apply to coaches. I can't tell you how many times I've seen coaches drone on about the players performance after the final whistle. It's not productive and the kids are burnt from the game. The coaches words are going in one ear and out the other. The 24 cooling off period for parents not talking to coaches should also apply to coaches not talking to players.

Yeah I think that's my point. Trying to steer your kids will only have potential negative consequences -- like perhaps damaging your relationship with them. My attitude now is either they're into this or they're not. The only requirement we have for our kids is they have to participate in something physical. I couldn't care less what sport/activity that is. I love soccer, but I can't let my love of the game impact what their interests are. I just see so many parents repeating the mistakes I made early on. Fortunately I figured it our faster than a lot of other parents.

 

[sigmabody]

Re post game talk, I we usually talk about what his biggest takeaways were, and what I saw. I will also tell him if I thought he had a good game or not (relative to his potential), usually with a mix of good points and bad points.

I also watch "tape" with him (the team has a camera and video subscription service), and we will talk about things like positioning, movement, what plays were available, decision making, that sort of thing; things which are hard to see in the moment, and not always visible from the sideline or the field, but can more easily be seen when watching the game back. Usually I try to emphasize 2-3 things which he can try to improve on in future games (while also calling out his good points as well, of course).

I don't think my feedback has had a measurable impact on his enthusiasm, one way or another. He's not really a "passionate" soccer player, but he wants to be good at whatever he's doing, and he does make an effort to improve on the points we discuss. Being on a middle tier team also, there's not a lot of pressure to be "the best" either (from the team/club or from me), so he mostly has fun with his friends, doesn't ever get too down, and celebrates the small victories when they come. I think he'll be fine.