Girls Soccer Culture--Bullying Pandemic of Negative On-Field Comments & Clique

dad4 said:
Hanging around a toxic environment cuts both ways. You learn how to deal with toxic people, and you learn how to be toxic yourself.

If a team really is full of bad behavior, leave. There are other teams out there.
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I agree for the most part. I would agree more if the kid was 12 or 13 or younger. Personally, I was nearly on my own at 17 years old and I don't think my core personality was going to be changed by some kids on a sports team. It may vary depending on the kid.
 
Woodwork said:
You could be right. You could be wrong. Just no way you could really know. To each their own but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when they look for advice on this board instead of call them liars.

I find it is a waste of time arguing with someone whose position starts with mischaracterizing your statements. Someone here assumed you were a triple-masker just because you use Golden Gate as a moniker. Weird how some assume that just because you don't agree with someone on soccer that they must be from the opposite end of the political spectrum.

But obviously conservatives don't get triggered and overreact to things the same way liberals do, right?
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Read your post again - the left always accuse others of what they themselves are doing - it's called projection.

Also, three masks is an accurate characterization, but I'm sure he appreciates the reach-a-round.
 
Am I the only one who sees the irony in this thread? The thread is about bullying culture in soccer, and so far, I’ve seen someone call someone else a liar, someone bully someone for wearing masks, someone getting bullied for not wearing mask, and bullying of trans kids. And people are scratching their heads wondering why kids are bullying each other??? Can we all just admit we’re all a bit of an asshole inside, and that we all believe that our thoughts, feelings and opinions are just a bit more superior tha the next guy? So spewing it all on here isn’t going to do a damn lick of good in changing someone else’s mind.
And I’m sure as soon as I hit send, the vitriol will start. Cuz people just can’t help themselves.
 
Yousername said:
Am I the only one who sees the irony in this thread? The thread is about bullying culture in soccer, and so far, I’ve seen someone call someone else a liar, someone bully someone for wearing masks, someone getting bullied for not wearing mask, and bullying of trans kids. And people are scratching their heads wondering why kids are bullying each other??? Can we all just admit we’re all a bit of an asshole inside, and that we all believe that our thoughts, feelings and opinions are just a bit more superior tha the next guy? So spewing it all on here isn’t going to do a damn lick of good in changing someone else’s mind.
And I’m sure as soon as I hit send, the vitriol will start. Cuz people just can’t help themselves.
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Amen to that. I was bullied hard core by my teachers and some fellow students because I stuttered as child. I was laughed at and told I was a big dummy because i could't give the right answer verbally, although I knew my answers were correct. I knew the right answer but they stared at me as I tried to get the words out. Teachers actually laughed at me as well which only pissed me off. Also, when the bully is Doc or a coach or a teacher or a parent, well it sucks!!! I see how I bullied some folks here at the forum and I am 100% sorry for that. I am changing how I talk to folks now. I have a friend who was bullied at work and forced to do this and that or get fired!!! Lot's of bullies and it's time we all start loving each other :)
 
Yousername said:
Am I the only one who sees the irony in this thread? The thread is about bullying culture in soccer, and so far, I’ve seen someone call someone else a liar, someone bully someone for wearing masks, someone getting bullied for not wearing mask, and bullying of trans kids. And people are scratching their heads wondering why kids are bullying each other??? Can we all just admit we’re all a bit of an asshole inside, and that we all believe that our thoughts, feelings and opinions are just a bit more superior tha the next guy? So spewing it all on here isn’t going to do a damn lick of good in changing someone else’s mind.
And I’m sure as soon as I hit send, the vitriol will start. Cuz people just can’t help themselves.
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...respect of the Truth precedes respect of others...and to the contrary.
 
MoSalah said:
Girls Soccer culture--Bulling Pandemic of Negative On-Field Comments & Clique:
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There are definitely bullying and cliques out there but the majority really are just misinterpretations of situations. I'm not redefining what you are stating, but just throwing out thoughts based on our experience.

What we've seen work for some - getting the kids/parents together to discuss these issues and specific situations, it may take a few meetings. Sometimes the perceived bullies/cliques think they are doing the right thing by communicating or defending themselves.

Coaches /leagues are not around the kids enough to see these issues at u17. They generally leave the parenting to parents because it's hard to know why girls say what they say without further context. Learning to work things out amongst themselves is an important process at this age.

In a few rare cases, you do get girls who are very unkind and in those cases, you just have to move on to another team or stay and focus on the better half of the team.
 
Emma said:
There are definitely bullying and cliques out there but the majority really are just misinterpretations of situations. I'm not redefining what you are stating, but just throwing out thoughts based on our experience.

What we've seen work for some - getting the kids/parents together to discuss these issues and specific situations, it may take a few meetings. Sometimes the perceived bullies/cliques think they are doing the right thing by communicating or defending themselves.

Coaches /leagues are not around the kids enough to see these issues at u17. They generally leave the parenting to parents because it's hard to know why girls say what they say without further context. Learning to work things out amongst themselves is an important process at this age.

In a few rare cases, you do get girls who are very unkind and in those cases, you just have to move on to another team or stay and focus on the better half of the team.
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I like the way you think. Unfortunately some players/parents are just aholes + only care about themselves or their kid.

It won't matter what you say + getting parents together to chat won't make a difference.

If you move on they'll just cause problems for the next in line. If they move on they'll just create problems on their new team.

The worst is when the kid is really nice but the parent is a knob.
 
Yousername said:
Am I the only one who sees the irony in this thread? The thread is about bullying culture in soccer, and so far, I’ve seen someone call someone else a liar, someone bully someone for wearing masks, someone getting bullied for not wearing mask, and bullying of trans kids. And people are scratching their heads wondering why kids are bullying each other??? Can we all just admit we’re all a bit of an asshole inside, and that we all believe that our thoughts, feelings and opinions are just a bit more superior tha the next guy? So spewing it all on here isn’t going to do a damn lick of good in changing someone else’s mind.
And I’m sure as soon as I hit send, the vitriol will start. Cuz people just can’t help themselves.
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There are a handful of people on this site who turn every thread into an off topic crap show. I spent a day blocking anyone who couldn't help but throw in irrelevant personal "insults" regardless of political disposition. I blocked one more yesterday. What I am saying is that this thread has almost no posts in it and I have no idea what you are talking about. Just a handful of helpful posts in this thread.
 
Woodwork said:
There are a handful of people on this site who turn every thread into an off topic crap show. I spent a day blocking anyone who couldn't help but throw in irrelevant personal "insults" regardless of political disposition. I blocked one more yesterday. What I am saying is that this thread has almost no posts in it and I have no idea what you are talking about. Just a handful of helpful posts in this thread.
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Good on you for figuring out how to find balance between speaking your mind and keeping your peace.
 
Bullying and cliques have always been around and it is not any worse now than it was in the past. I don't believe there is any gender difference. Some teams have lots of problems, some have none. As a kid, I saw both in multiple sports. For our kids, we have been fortunate with our two players to usually be on teams with mostly cool parents and players. Sometime it was because we chose wisely, other times we just got lucky. There have been a few not so cool parents and players along the way. We ignored the parents and my players just worked hard and earned respect on the field. Amazing what a few stiff tackles will do. DD's current team had an issue with the seniors being assholes to the underclassmen the year before she got there. Her freshman year, the new seniors had a team meeting where they announced they wanted to change the team culture to be more positive. They succeeded and the team has a much better culture now, even four years later. Lots of respect for those women!
 
GoldenGate said:
You seem to lack self awareness. You and your kid are complaining here and to the coach that:

1. you and your daughter know more about soccer than her teammates ("the kids doing this are often wrong--the offsides was not offsides, or the offsides occurred because X player took 3 dribbles to get the ball off her foot when the run was being made...when it should have been 1 touch into space...on, and on, and on.")

2. her teammates' school isn't good enough for your kid ("thank god, does not attend there")

3. your daughter is too good a player for them anyway ("My kid has experienced none of this on her U17 National Team side...a total night and day experience in camp and on the pitch. My kid practices with the boys side--the boys accept her as an equal--boys are positive...they play hard and they bang, but they have no hang-ups...") and ("my daughter has chosen to stick it out, for now")

4. the parents of her teammates are dumbasses ("Dumbass parents creating entitled children, and not knowing what sportsmanship is.")

5. the entire league is crap ("Leagues being poorly run and not being in front of this.")

It is no wonder you and your kid do not appear welcome on the team given your attitude. You are following the exact same path as crush, and look where it got him and his kid. Do you even see the irony of posting your diatribe and then complaining at the end of it about too much negativity in the game. The problem is not US Soccer. The problem is not the leagues. The problem is you.
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GoldenGate said:
There is no bullying "pandemic" in girls elite soccer. That is the most ridiculous snowflaky self-pitying comment I have heard this side of crush. Without having to meet anyone, I can tell you with absolute certainty that he and his daughter are the real problem. I've seen this a thousand times. When the majority of kids on the kiddie soccer team hate you, the problem is never the majority of the kids. It is the dad who routinely trashes the other kids for not knowing what they're doing and being immature, and calls their parents dumbasses. It's the one with the dad who trashes the coach, club, league, U.S. Soccer and everyone else's parents for not doing their job because he thinks his daughter wasn't really offsides that one time or, if she was, it was because a teammate once dribbled three times before making the through ball instead of sending it one touch. Seriously, the idea that kids are bullying his daughter by not passing her the ball more quickly is some of the most petty b.s. I have ever heard. It sounds like he is a snowflake who cannot handle people being critical of his daughter, and who is upset when anyone other than his daughter has the ball.

I can also tell you that, to the extent his daughter is shunned in practice (rather than that just being his gross over-reactions anytime someone is critical of his daughter), it is because he is a jerk and she continually rats them out to the coach over b.s. In fact, admitting that she's the one who is constantly confronting her teammates "phase to phase" tells you exactly what you need to know about who's the real bully. Otherwise, if she were actually a U17 national team player who had been bullied for three years as he claims, she would have been long gone.
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Golden Gate--it is amazing how one filters what they read... You assessment of our situation and my daughters situation is incorrect on every level--every level. Your assumptions lack any nuance and understanding, let alone charity in attempting to understand the situation. There is a massive problem in soccer with entitled girls and it plays out on this particular side. I am very happy to talk you through this...drop me your phone number.
 
MoSalah said:
Golden Gate--it is amazing how one filters what they read... You assessment of our situation and my daughters situation is incorrect on every level--every level. Your assumptions lack any nuance and understanding, let alone charity in attempting to understand the situation. There is a massive problem in soccer with entitled girls and it plays out on this particular side. I am very happy to talk you through this...drop me your phone number.
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Ignore her. It's EOTL again. I dont know why @Dominic let's her be on here under a new name.
 
MoSalah said:
Golden Gate--it is amazing how one filters what they read... You assessment of our situation and my daughters situation is incorrect on every level--every level. Your assumptions lack any nuance and understanding, let alone charity in attempting to understand the situation. There is a massive problem in soccer with entitled girls and it plays out on this particular side. I am very happy to talk you through this...drop me your phone number.
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Massive problem with entitled girls? Pandemic of bullying in girls soccer? What a joke.
 
GoldenGate said:
Massive problem with entitled girls? Pandemic of bullying in girls soccer? What a joke.
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Golden Gate--let's have a call...better yet, how about a beer... Drop me your line. Looks like u are in the Bay Area also... I am sure we will have a long list of soccer stories to compare. We have been at this for 14 years and my Kid is on a U17 National team...been capped twice...so, I have been around the block. I am sure with more nuance we will have agreement... Why does this have to devolve into negativity ad hominem arguments?
 
SoccerFan4Life said:

Sydney Leroux’s mother says abuse and bullying in Canadian soccer drove daughter to US | Soccer | The Guardian

Sandi Leroux says allegations of bullying and abuse around the Vancouver Whitecaps and Canada’s youth teams were well known – and not dealt with
amp.theguardian.com amp.theguardian.com
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As Sydney’s prodigious talent was more widely noticed, Leroux recalls Birarda contacting her to say her teenage daughter should join training sessions with his pay-to-play private academy – a two-hour drive from their family home. Leroux said her daughter wouldn’t be able to make it and explained: “I am a single mom and I work full time.”
“‘Do you know who I am?’” Leroux recalls Birarda shouting at her. “He started listing who he was and who he had coached. He was like … a bully. By the time we left Canada, Birarda had control of everything. He had the Whitecaps. He had the U-20s women’s team. It was crazy how he took over everything.”

Some Docs can act like this. These types are punks and need to get out of girls soccer asap!!! They love power, they love themselves, they have a resume of players that they developed to the YNT, National Team and the Pros. It's all about them and their ego. If you do exactly as they say, they will be the middle man to get what you want. They use it to get what they want and they bully parents and their kids. Pay-to-Play Privates is the worst and we always said no. If you say no they get mad and they have direct connection to college coaches and your kids play time. So they have the power!! They they they they hold the cards. So if you don;t pay, you don;t play at the next level. Now you're in a tough spot. If you tell a coach no to his privates, he thinks your kid is not serious and will look for other talented kids like your kid and get them to pay instead.
 
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