Girls Soccer Culture--Bullying Pandemic of Negative On-Field Comments & Clique

[SoccerFan4Life]

Our girls team has been together for 4 years and we get along great. Plenty of respect among parents and players. Lots of fun with the dads playing golf and going out for drinks. Now we just need to start winning and we have an ideal youth soccer experience.

 

[Carlsbad7]

Our girls team has been together for 4 years and we get along great. Plenty of respect among parents and players. Lots of fun with the dads playing golf and going out for drinks. Now we just need to start winning and we have an ideal youth soccer experience.

I'm with you 1000% + been on A teams and B teams.

A teams always have a few crazies that make things aweful for everyone else.

B teams always seem to have the players/ parents that are awesome + happy just playing.

 

[crush]

I'm with you 1000% + been on A teams and B teams.

A teams always have a few crazies that make things aweful for everyone else.

B teams always seem to have the players/ parents that are awesome + happy just playing.

From my experience being on the underdog teams ((B Team)) was by far the best of times. I didnt get to play golf but I did drink a few with the fellas. The A team is stressful, especially when adults are monitoring your kid on social media, checking to see if they have a boyfriend and always making sure your kid has their homework or at least a book to read on the road. A teams are A teams for a reason, because they strive for excellence and hard work and are focused 100% on soccer, soccer, soccer and full time soccer, 4.2+ GPA is standard and high SAT is expected. Anything less you are a B team player. I believe only 5% or 10% of the females can actually hang with this kind of pressure. It's hard to stay on the A Team, moo!

 

[GoldenGate]

Girls Soccer culture--Bulling Pandemic of Negative On-Field Comments & Clique:

My daughter tried out and joined a new club around 3 years ago. From day one of joining the new club--she has never been welcomed by multiple teammates on her side. These teammates previously made up the core of a prior team that broke away and joined the new club/team. These girls all go to the same high school--my kid, thank God, does not attend their school. When my kid plays during games--some of these girls yell at her if she makes a mistake on the pitch...you are offsides, she falls or gets injured--Get up type comments. This is some real nasty stuff. She is shunned in practice. Girls roll eyes at her. The problem is that the kids doing this are often wrong--the offsides was not offsides, or the offsides occurred because X player took 3 dribbles to get the ball off her foot when the run was being made...when it should have been 1 touch into space...on, and on, and on. And of course, none of any of the other girls make mistakes...never. My kid does her best to brush this off and has had several telephone and phase to phase calls with some of these girls about this...this has helped, but it does not solve the problem. She has talked to the coach--the coach sees entitled girls, and has made attempts to put some of this down, but it still goes on. My daughter has chosen to stick it out--at least for now, as she ignores these girls and does not want to let their actions and immaturity impact her--she sees her time on this side as temporary... Unfortunately, multiple girls have left the club and the team has such a bad reputation that other girls within a distance do not want anything to even do with the club--so we are losing out on potentially great players trying out for our side. My kid has experienced none of this on her U17 National Team side...a total night and day experience in camp and on the pitch. My kid practices with the boys side--the boys accept her as an equal--boys are positive...they play hard and they bang, but they have no hang-ups...

My sense is that we have a Pandemic on the Girls Side of bullying...Here are some line-item ideas/random thoughts:

--Is Soccer Culture Just a Mess--the term giving the "stick" exists in Soccer. This does not exist in any other men's sport that I am aware of...negativity is that--negativity. Whereas being positive during play, leads often to more good plays... Why is this? Too many low quality people in soccer? Where does this culture come from? Maybe I am just unaware, but do Girls Bully each other in all other sports?

--Mean girls and their cliques...insecure, anxious, trying to hold onto their playing position thru social pressure versus actually competing...

--Coach/Club permitting this garbage--If it is accepted = it is coached.

--Dumbass parents creating entitled children, and not knowing what sportsmanship is. Parents on the side-lines can, surely, hear this banter and should be correcting their kids before or after games-are they actually that dumb to see how poorly this shows on their kid (how about college coaches hearing this garbage--how does the kid look as a scout;

--Leagues being poorly run and not being in front of this...Negativity needs to be taken out of them game. US Soccer and the Leagues do nothing about this...there should be videos and parent, coach and club training about this.

I grew-up playing multiple sports, but not soccer. I have never have experienced this in any other sport.

I think the solution is Better Parenting and Awareness by Parents, Coaches, Players and Clubs....it is such a shame that things are often this way, when they can be so much better.

You seem to lack self awareness. You and your kid are complaining here and to the coach that:

1. you and your daughter know more about soccer than her teammates ("the kids doing this are often wrong--the offsides was not offsides, or the offsides occurred because X player took 3 dribbles to get the ball off her foot when the run was being made...when it should have been 1 touch into space...on, and on, and on.")

2. her teammates' school isn't good enough for your kid ("thank god, does not attend there")

3. your daughter is too good a player for them anyway ("My kid has experienced none of this on her U17 National Team side...a total night and day experience in camp and on the pitch. My kid practices with the boys side--the boys accept her as an equal--boys are positive...they play hard and they bang, but they have no hang-ups...") and ("my daughter has chosen to stick it out, for now")

4. the parents of her teammates are dumbasses ("Dumbass parents creating entitled children, and not knowing what sportsmanship is.")

5. the entire league is crap ("Leagues being poorly run and not being in front of this.")

It is no wonder you and your kid do not appear welcome on the team given your attitude. You are following the exact same path as crush, and look where it got him and his kid. Do you even see the irony of posting your diatribe and then complaining at the end of it about too much negativity in the game. The problem is not US Soccer. The problem is not the leagues. The problem is you.

 

[MicPaPa]

It's a real shame that as women/girls we can't find more ways to build each other up, instead of tearing each other down. I think that is a society-wide issue. kind of like me me me all the time instead of thinking of others.

Well, I'm sure males pretending to be females and taking their qualifying spots and trophies, surely misses the mark of building them up.

 

[SoccerFan4Life]

You seem to lack self awareness. You and your kid are complaining here and to the coach that:

1. you and your daughter know more about soccer than her teammates ("the kids doing this are often wrong--the offsides was not offsides, or the offsides occurred because X player took 3 dribbles to get the ball off her foot when the run was being made...when it should have been 1 touch into space...on, and on, and on.")

2. her teammates' school isn't good enough for your kid ("thank god, does not attend there")

3. your daughter is too good a player for them anyway ("My kid has experienced none of this on her U17 National Team side...a total night and day experience in camp and on the pitch. My kid practices with the boys side--the boys accept her as an equal--boys are positive...they play hard and they bang, but they have no hang-ups...") and ("my daughter has chosen to stick it out, for now")

4. the parents of her teammates are dumbasses ("Dumbass parents creating entitled children, and not knowing what sportsmanship is.")

5. the entire league is crap ("Leagues being poorly run and not being in front of this.")

It is no wonder you and your kid do not appear welcome on the team given your attitude. You are following the exact same path as crush, and look where it got him and his kid. Do you even see the irony of posting your diatribe and then complaining at the end of it about too much negativity in the game. The problem is not US Soccer. The problem is not the leagues. The problem is you.

I dont know the other parent's situation but you cannot just think this doesnt happen at all.

I can tell you that my little girl experienced some of the above when she was only.....6 years old. In Orange County there's plenty of parents/players that will crush those players that make mistakes at all levels. I've seen little girls get nasty when one of their teamates makes a mistake. I had to take my daughter away from a place where we had 2 girls that kept bullying a few others and the coach did nothing about it. Here's an example, practice is about to start, and these 7 year old little girls would hit my daughter's ball downhill (Steep hill) so she had to go chase it and be late for the lineup with the coach. The coach would get mad because she was not ready or tired after running up that hill. Making fun of my daughter's dyslexic mistakes on the field and making fun of one of the other players because she was 1 year younger.

Recently I met a parent that has a 2003 player on a discovery team and they are looking at leaving because the majority of the team doesnt socialize with the 3 of the newer players. This happens all the time! Parents have to be responsible to show our kids when to be competitive and when to be friendly with others. Bottom line, we are building kids for their future in both soccer and life. Heck, speaking about this, I just heard on a soccer podcast today that Chicharito has not been invited to the Mexican National team because he is an ahole with most of the players and coaches!!!

 

[GoldenGate]

I dont know the other parent's situation but you cannot just think this doesnt happen at all.

I can tell you that my little girl experienced some of the above when she was only.....6 years old. In Orange County there's plenty of parents/players that will crush those players that make mistakes at all levels. I've seen little girls get nasty when one of their teamates makes a mistake. I had to take my daughter away from a place where we had 2 girls that kept bullying a few others and the coach did nothing about it. Here's an example, practice is about to start, and these 7 year old little girls would hit my daughter's ball downhill (Steep hill) so she had to go chase it and be late for the lineup with the coach. The coach would get mad because she was not ready or tired after running up that hill. Making fun of my daughter's dyslexic mistakes on the field and making fun of one of the other players because she was 1 year younger.

Recently I met a parent that has a 2003 player on a discovery team and they are looking at leaving because the majority of the team doesnt socialize with the 3 of the newer players. This happens all the time! Parents have to be responsible to show our kids when to be competitive and when to be friendly with others. Bottom line, we are building kids for their future in both soccer and life. Heck, speaking about this, I just heard on a soccer podcast today that Chicharito has not been invited to the Mexican National team because he is an ahole with most of the players and coaches!!!

That is not what I'm talking about here. This dad has called her teammates' parents dumbasses, trashed their HS, blamed US Soccer and youth leagues for his daughter's local team problem, claimed he knows more than everyone around him how soccer is played, made sure to tell everyone how his daughter is too good for them anyway, and labeled his daughter's inability to get along with her teammates a "pandemic". It is patently obvious who the problem is.

 

[Woodwork]

You seem to lack self awareness. You and your kid are complaining here and to the coach that:

1. you and your daughter know more about soccer than her teammates ("the kids doing this are often wrong--the offsides was not offsides, or the offsides occurred because X player took 3 dribbles to get the ball off her foot when the run was being made...when it should have been 1 touch into space...on, and on, and on.")

2. her teammates' school isn't good enough for your kid ("thank god, does not attend there")

3. your daughter is too good a player for them anyway ("My kid has experienced none of this on her U17 National Team side...a total night and day experience in camp and on the pitch. My kid practices with the boys side--the boys accept her as an equal--boys are positive...they play hard and they bang, but they have no hang-ups...") and ("my daughter has chosen to stick it out, for now")

4. the parents of her teammates are dumbasses ("Dumbass parents creating entitled children, and not knowing what sportsmanship is.")

5. the entire league is crap ("Leagues being poorly run and not being in front of this.")

It is no wonder you and your kid do not appear welcome on the team given your attitude. You are following the exact same path as crush, and look where it got him and his kid. Do you even see the irony of posting your diatribe and then complaining at the end of it about too much negativity in the game. The problem is not US Soccer. The problem is not the leagues. The problem is you.

1. Maybe him and his daughter know more about soccer than her teammates. Why does that make them a problem? They aren't the ones yelling at other players on the field, if you believe the author.
2. He was talking about not attending a school where she would be bullied.
3. How do you know she isn't too good for the team? Regardless, he is just drawing a comparison to suggest that bullying is unrelated to to the quality of the team, and he only has the one point of comparison. Nothing wrong with that.
4. It's a little late now, but yes the parents probably have some responsibility for teaching kids sportsmanship. I don't think the author meant literally stupid, but more of a "darn parents." IQ has little to do with it.
5. Bullying is a pandemic and schools get out in front of it. Seems like a valid point that a well-run league may be in front of it. Clubs and coaches, too.

Everyone speaks from their own experiences, but maybe we could be open to the idea that someone else has a valid experience that is different than our own.

 

[MicPaPa]

That is not what I'm talking about here. This dad has called her teammates' parents dumbasses, trashed their HS, blamed US Soccer and youth leagues for his daughter's local team problem, claimed he knows more than everyone around him how soccer is played, made sure to tell everyone how his daughter is too good for them anyway, and labeled his daughter's inability to get along with her teammates a "pandemic". It is patently obvious who the problem is.

Imagine a life involving this level of bitterness, anger, and word count all over a faceless persons opinion and personal experience.

Not sure if your weather up north is as awesome as it is in SoCal, but if so, go take a walk, remove your three masks, and get some fresh air.

 

[Woodwork]

I dont know the other parent's situation but you cannot just think this doesnt happen at all.

I can tell you that my little girl experienced some of the above when she was only.....6 years old. In Orange County there's plenty of parents/players that will crush those players that make mistakes at all levels. I've seen little girls get nasty when one of their teamates makes a mistake. I had to take my daughter away from a place where we had 2 girls that kept bullying a few others and the coach did nothing about it. Here's an example, practice is about to start, and these 7 year old little girls would hit my daughter's ball downhill (Steep hill) so she had to go chase it and be late for the lineup with the coach. The coach would get mad because she was not ready or tired after running up that hill. Making fun of my daughter's dyslexic mistakes on the field and making fun of one of the other players because she was 1 year younger.

Recently I met a parent that has a 2003 player on a discovery team and they are looking at leaving because the majority of the team doesnt socialize with the 3 of the newer players. This happens all the time! Parents have to be responsible to show our kids when to be competitive and when to be friendly with others. Bottom line, we are building kids for their future in both soccer and life. Heck, speaking about this, I just heard on a soccer podcast today that Chicharito has not been invited to the Mexican National team because he is an ahole with most of the players and coaches!!!

Chicharito has done a 180 degree attitude change since joining the LA Galaxy. He is a great locker room and field presence for his team. What they are looking for is an apology for something he did a while back.

 

[Emma]

I'm with you 1000% + been on A teams and B teams.

A teams always have a few crazies that make things aweful for everyone else.

B teams always seem to have the players/ parents that are awesome + happy just playing.

We had some crazy parents on our B teams and A teams. Doesn't matter what level, crazy is everywhere. We've only found 1 great team. It's rare so if you have it, cherish it and don't let it go. The grass is not greener over at the "higher level" team.

 

[espola]

We had some crazy parents on our B teams and A teams. Doesn't matter what level, crazy is everywhere. We've only found 1 great team. It's rare so if you have it, cherish it and don't let it go. The grass is not greener over at the "higher level" team.

We had one parent on one of the boys' teams that would sit a few yards back of the coach and make critical comments of the coach throughout the game, not really directed at the coach, but loud enough for him to hear, especially when his kid was subbed out. Years later I took a job at a place where that parent had been an employee some time before. Everyone said he was brilliant, with advanced degrees appropriate to the work we were doing, but he didn't get along with anyone. Eventually, the company let him go after which they traded lawsuits.

 

[GoldenGate]

Imagine a life involving this level of bitterness, anger, and word count all over a faceless persons opinion and personal experience.

Not sure if your weather up north is as awesome as it is in SoCal, but if so, go take a walk, remove your three masks, and get some fresh air.

Yes, you should really talk to MoSalah. He seems very bitter and angry about a kiddie sport. Like crush, he's going to miss what could have been a great experience because of self-pity.

 

[MicPaPa]

Yes, you should really talk to MoSalah. He seems very bitter and angry about a kiddie sport. Like crush, he's going to miss what could have been a great experience because of self-pity.

No need to talk to him, I don't become verklempt over others personal experiences and opinions - in fact I respect them.

BTW, there you go again using "he" without first checking in with folks (your goofy rule not mine). When will you learn, it is hard to keep things straight when flapping in the wind.

 

[GoldenGate]

1. Maybe him and his daughter know more about soccer than her teammates. Why does that make them a problem? They aren't the ones yelling at other players on the field, if you believe the author.
2. He was talking about not attending a school where she would be bullied.
3. How do you know she isn't too good for the team? Regardless, he is just drawing a comparison to suggest that bullying is unrelated to to the quality of the team, and he only has the one point of comparison. Nothing wrong with that.
4. It's a little late now, but yes the parents probably have some responsibility for teaching kids sportsmanship. I don't think the author meant literally stupid, but more of a "darn parents." IQ has little to do with it.
5. Bullying is a pandemic and schools get out in front of it. Seems like a valid point that a well-run league may be in front of it. Clubs and coaches, too.

Everyone speaks from their own experiences, but maybe we could be open to the idea that someone else has a valid experience that is different than our own.

There is no bullying "pandemic" in girls elite soccer. That is the most ridiculous snowflaky self-pitying comment I have heard this side of crush. Without having to meet anyone, I can tell you with absolute certainty that he and his daughter are the real problem. I've seen this a thousand times. When the majority of kids on the kiddie soccer team hate you, the problem is never the majority of the kids. It is the dad who routinely trashes the other kids for not knowing what they're doing and being immature, and calls their parents dumbasses. It's the one with the dad who trashes the coach, club, league, U.S. Soccer and everyone else's parents for not doing their job because he thinks his daughter wasn't really offsides that one time or, if she was, it was because a teammate once dribbled three times before making the through ball instead of sending it one touch. Seriously, the idea that kids are bullying his daughter by not passing her the ball more quickly is some of the most petty b.s. I have ever heard. It sounds like he is a snowflake who cannot handle people being critical of his daughter, and who is upset when anyone other than his daughter has the ball.

I can also tell you that, to the extent his daughter is shunned in practice (rather than that just being his gross over-reactions anytime someone is critical of his daughter), it is because he is a jerk and she continually rats them out to the coach over b.s. In fact, admitting that she's the one who is constantly confronting her teammates "phase to phase" tells you exactly what you need to know about who's the real bully. Otherwise, if she were actually a U17 national team player who had been bullied for three years as he claims, she would have been long gone.

 

[GoldenGate]

No need to talk to him, I don't become verklempt over others personal experiences and opinions - in fact I respect them.

BTW, there you go again using "he" without first checking in with folks (your goofy rule not mine). When will you learn it is hard to keep things straight, when flapping in the wind?

So now you respect Lia Thomas' experiences and opinions?

 

[MicPaPa]

So now you respect Lia Thomas' experiences and opinions?

I respect his opinions and experiences, as I respect everyone's freedom to have and express them - it is the beauty of our country. You make a giant leap from respect to support or believe in - although, not surprising, as you seem to struggle with basic adult concepts.

 

[Woodwork]

Imagine a life involving this level of bitterness, anger, and word count all over a faceless persons opinion and personal experience.

Not sure if your weather up north is as awesome as it is in SoCal, but if so, go take a walk, remove your three masks, and get some fresh air.

There is no bullying "pandemic" in girls elite soccer. That is the most ridiculous snowflaky self-pitying comment I have heard this side of crush. Without having to meet anyone, I can tell you with absolute certainty that he and his daughter are the real problem. I've seen this a thousand times. When the majority of kids on the kiddie soccer team hate you, the problem is never the majority of the kids. It is the dad who routinely trashes the other kids for not knowing what they're doing and being immature, and calls their parents dumbasses. It's the one with the dad who trashes the coach, club, league, U.S. Soccer and everyone else's parents for not doing their job because he thinks his daughter wasn't really offsides that one time or, if she was, it was because a teammate once dribbled three times before making the through ball instead of sending it one touch. Seriously, the idea that kids are bullying his daughter by not passing her the ball more quickly is some of the most petty b.s. I have ever heard. It sounds like he is a snowflake who cannot handle people being critical of his daughter, and who is upset when anyone other than his daughter has the ball.

I can also tell you that, to the extent his daughter is shunned in practice (rather than that just being his gross over-reactions anytime someone is critical of his daughter), it is because he is a jerk and she continually rats them out to the coach over b.s. In fact, admitting that she's the one who is constantly confronting her teammates "phase to phase" tells you exactly what you need to know about who's the real bully. Otherwise, if she were actually a U17 national team player who had been bullied for three years as he claims, she would have been long gone.

You could be right. You could be wrong. Just no way you could really know. To each their own but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when they look for advice on this board instead of call them liars.

I find it is a waste of time arguing with someone whose position starts with mischaracterizing your statements. Someone here assumed you were a triple-masker just because you use Golden Gate as a moniker. Weird how some assume that just because you don't agree with someone on soccer that they must be from the opposite end of the political spectrum.

But obviously conservatives don't get triggered and overreact to things the same way liberals do, right?

 

[Woodwork]

Girls Soccer culture--Bulling Pandemic of Negative On-Field Comments & Clique:

My daughter tried out and joined a new club around 3 years ago. From day one of joining the new club--she has never been welcomed by multiple teammates on her side. These teammates previously made up the core of a prior team that broke away and joined the new club/team. These girls all go to the same high school--my kid, thank God, does not attend their school. When my kid plays during games--some of these girls yell at her if she makes a mistake on the pitch...you are offsides, she falls or gets injured--Get up type comments. This is some real nasty stuff. She is shunned in practice. Girls roll eyes at her. The problem is that the kids doing this are often wrong--the offsides was not offsides, or the offsides occurred because X player took 3 dribbles to get the ball off her foot when the run was being made...when it should have been 1 touch into space...on, and on, and on. And of course, none of any of the other girls make mistakes...never. My kid does her best to brush this off and has had several telephone and phase to phase calls with some of these girls about this...this has helped, but it does not solve the problem. She has talked to the coach--the coach sees entitled girls, and has made attempts to put some of this down, but it still goes on. My daughter has chosen to stick it out--at least for now, as she ignores these girls and does not want to let their actions and immaturity impact her--she sees her time on this side as temporary... Unfortunately, multiple girls have left the club and the team has such a bad reputation that other girls within a distance do not want anything to even do with the club--so we are losing out on potentially great players trying out for our side. My kid has experienced none of this on her U17 National Team side...a total night and day experience in camp and on the pitch. My kid practices with the boys side--the boys accept her as an equal--boys are positive...they play hard and they bang, but they have no hang-ups...

My sense is that we have a Pandemic on the Girls Side of bullying...Here are some line-item ideas/random thoughts:

--Is Soccer Culture Just a Mess--the term giving the "stick" exists in Soccer. This does not exist in any other men's sport that I am aware of...negativity is that--negativity. Whereas being positive during play, leads often to more good plays... Why is this? Too many low quality people in soccer? Where does this culture come from? Maybe I am just unaware, but do Girls Bully each other in all other sports?

--Mean girls and their cliques...insecure, anxious, trying to hold onto their playing position thru social pressure versus actually competing...

--Coach/Club permitting this garbage--If it is accepted = it is coached.

--Dumbass parents creating entitled children, and not knowing what sportsmanship is. Parents on the side-lines can, surely, hear this banter and should be correcting their kids before or after games-are they actually that dumb to see how poorly this shows on their kid (how about college coaches hearing this garbage--how does the kid look as a scout;

--Leagues being poorly run and not being in front of this...Negativity needs to be taken out of them game. US Soccer and the Leagues do nothing about this...there should be videos and parent, coach and club training about this.

I grew-up playing multiple sports, but not soccer. I have never have experienced this in any other sport.

I think the solution is Better Parenting and Awareness by Parents, Coaches, Players and Clubs....it is such a shame that things are often this way, when they can be so much better.

To respond to your ultimate proposition, I do think sportsmanship needs to be taught at the younger ages and how to be a good teammate is part of that. It needs to be implemented by a coach, though, and coaches vary.

By the time you get to 16/17 years old, I think it is too late. They are mostly who they are going to be personality-wise. If they don't know a better way to express themselves or can't contain emotions, good luck with that. At that age, coaches are taking money first and as a distant second trying to win games and will only get involved to the extent it doesn't endanger either of those things. They aren't looking to change the personalities of teenagers on their team and it is probably best if you don't ask or hope for that at all.

I would be more wary of this at the younger ages when kids haven't developed ways to cope with persistent negativity. It sounds like your kid is at an age where she is taking this as a learning experience about how to deal with toxic people. Good on her.

 

[dad4]

To respond to your ultimate proposition, I do think sportsmanship needs to be taught at the younger ages and how to be a good teammate is part of that. It needs to be implemented by a coach, though, and coaches vary.

By the time you get to 16/17 years old, I think it is too late. They are mostly who they are going to be personality-wise. If they don't know a better way to express themselves or can't contain emotions, good luck with that. At that age, coaches are taking money first and as a distant second trying to win games and will only get involved to the extent it doesn't endanger either of those things. They aren't looking to change the personalities of teenagers on their team and it is probably best if you don't ask or hope for that at all.

I would be more wary of this at the younger ages when kids haven't developed ways to cope with persistent negativity. It sounds like your kid is at an age where she is taking this as a learning experience about how to deal with toxic people. Good on her.

Hanging around a toxic environment cuts both ways. You learn how to deal with toxic people, and you learn how to be toxic yourself.

If a team really is full of bad behavior, leave. There are other teams out there.