NoGoal
DA
I agree, probably using her phone to video her DD's practice. That is hard up!
How to leave a team?!?!?
- Thread starter LilStriker
- Start date
NoGoal
DA
4. How are you the 5th smartest kid in class. The teacher must have favorites. I know you're smarter then those kids.
5. Let's move you to the 3rd period math class. I like the kids parents in that class more.
LilStriker
SILVER
Very funny. So you're saying that you never review when your kid does well, doesn't do well on math tests or homework? Let's say your kid is getting certain problems wrong - you never try to show them how to correct? Or give them a high five when they ace an exam?
In math you get a piece of paper to take home to review with marks on what you got right, what you got wrong. in soccer it's a lot harder to quantify, describe and get feedback on - things move quickly and are over in an instant. But just like math, if you're serious about getting better at soccer, you've got to treat it as a discipline and be aware of what you're doing right/wrong so you can correct your mistakes, no?
Anyhow knock it all you want. We know she has things to work on. We don't make her train 5-7 days a week like several on the team, but the most important part to getting better at anything is getting feedback - unbiased, non-emotional candid feedback. the video doesn't lie, and it's great because you can easily see what you could've done differently or what you did well. You'll never get this feedback from a coach because it's impossible to remember and keep track of everyone and no coach will care enough. If you ever played golf, you would understand how valuable video can be.
We also don't film every practice. Only occasionnaly with my phone if I see certain things consistently happening like she's going back to bad habits or doing something well/improving. We don't film every game either. But she does ask about it often when we get in the car from practice so she can see how she did, so it works for us.
LilStriker
SILVER
That's the point of the video... it's totally objective. It removes those temptations to have those conversations on the car ride home and she can watch it whenever/if she wants. Some say it's crazy, others might call it smart. =)
LilStriker
SILVER
Either way you slice it... let's say frankly she sucks. Let's say it's true she doesn't "deserve" playing time - it would be stupid to stay on the team if she doesn't get to play. It'd be much better to leave the team and play for a coach who is willing to give her the playing time so she can get better. Whether she's the best or worst is irrelevant. There is no reason your kid should ride the pine if she made a team and you are paying fees for a coach to train her. It's the coaches job to recruit well and manage the lineups so the team is set up for success and give everyone opportunities. if your kid is a great player who you think deserves more than an even share of playing time or winning is a priority, great players are able to make those around them better and make the most of their time given on the field. You win and lose as a team. imho
We didn't join this club so we could brag about being on this team. We didnt join because we thought it would help her win state cup or any other tournament. She originally wanted to join because she wanted to get better and get to play at a high level and contribute to the team. When the coach offered her the position, unless he says, "I'd like to offer you a position on our bench", it implies he thinks she belongs on the team and can play. It's apparently not the case and based on how playing time is being allocated so early in the season when games don't count, its clear the coach is not serious about helping her become a better player or giving her opportunities. That's his choice, our choice is we want her to play because it's important for development so we'd like to find a team that will allow her to play and improve. It's really that plain and simple.
This thread was set up so we could get feedback from those who have had to do this before so we can make sure it's done well and in a respectful manner to all parties.
We didn't join this club so we could brag about being on this team. We didnt join because we thought it would help her win state cup or any other tournament. She originally wanted to join because she wanted to get better and get to play at a high level and contribute to the team. When the coach offered her the position, unless he says, "I'd like to offer you a position on our bench", it implies he thinks she belongs on the team and can play. It's apparently not the case and based on how playing time is being allocated so early in the season when games don't count, its clear the coach is not serious about helping her become a better player or giving her opportunities. That's his choice, our choice is we want her to play because it's important for development so we'd like to find a team that will allow her to play and improve. It's really that plain and simple.
This thread was set up so we could get feedback from those who have had to do this before so we can make sure it's done well and in a respectful manner to all parties.
LilStriker
SILVER
Either way you slice it... let's say she was on the bottom - and she is nowhere as good as the other players and frankly she sucks. Let's say it's true she doesn't "deserve" playing time - it would be stupid to stay on the team if she doesn't get to play. It'd be much better to leave the team and play for a coach who is willing to give her the playing time so she can get better. Whether she deserves playing time or not is irrelevant. There is no reason your kid should ride the pine if she made a team and you are paying fees for a coach to train her. It's the coaches job to recruit well and manage the lineups so the team is set up for success and give everyone opportunities. if your kid is a great player who you think deserves more than an even share of playing time or winning is a priority, great players are able to make those around them better and make the most of their time given on the field. imho
We didn't join this club so we could brag about being on this team. We didnt join because we thought it would help her win state cup or any other tournament. She wanted to join because she wanted to get better and get to play at a high level and contribute to the team. It's apparently not the case and based on how playing time is being allocated so early in the season when games don't count, its clear the coach is not serious about helping her become a better player or giving her opportunities. That's his choice, our choice is we want her to play so we'd like to find a team that will allow her to play and improve, that's all.
Its all about playing time in my opinion. You have to remove your ego and brand concern from the equation. If a B team has a great Coach- Surf and Beach actually being the only ones I can think of who do have a great B team coach usually- then by all means I say yes. If the B team has a mediocre one then absolutely not go to a perceived "lesser club" and get the experience.
Training is great- and I think iron sharpens iron and I can understand the hesitation to leave that environment HOWEVER nothing takes the place of game time minutes in learning the game.
Final thought and I know it's not popular here- instinct is a great thing. If you instinctually know something is off with the coach and kid it is. Trust it. Don't waste time. I spent a solid half a year recovering my daughter from a nightmare of a coach and I would not wish that on anyone. Contempt, humiliations, come in many forms for young girls and there is a solid difference between "sucking it up" and recognizing some very bad adult behaviors that are prevalent in youth soccer and have been tolerated. It's just as important to show your daughter what is acceptable and not acceptable in our home. Once the change was made a different player emerged- it was radical. Between 9-13 I don't think girls no matter how close they are with us want to disappoint us. I have seen plenty of miserable young ladies on "the right team" with the joy sucked out of them. After 14 I think they feel much more comfortable saying "I don't like that guy". I wasted way too much time because I "didn't want to burn bridges" and "wanted to have an out". I won't ever do that again. Life is way too short, and if moving a club because a Coach was prone to favoritism or bad style makes me unpopular those are not people I want my DD around anyway. Ironically every coach that was the "next big thing" and I have had doubts about is either gone or has shown their "worth".
Christian Pusilocs mom wrote a great article on this- you may want to take a look.
Training is great- and I think iron sharpens iron and I can understand the hesitation to leave that environment HOWEVER nothing takes the place of game time minutes in learning the game.
Final thought and I know it's not popular here- instinct is a great thing. If you instinctually know something is off with the coach and kid it is. Trust it. Don't waste time. I spent a solid half a year recovering my daughter from a nightmare of a coach and I would not wish that on anyone. Contempt, humiliations, come in many forms for young girls and there is a solid difference between "sucking it up" and recognizing some very bad adult behaviors that are prevalent in youth soccer and have been tolerated. It's just as important to show your daughter what is acceptable and not acceptable in our home. Once the change was made a different player emerged- it was radical. Between 9-13 I don't think girls no matter how close they are with us want to disappoint us. I have seen plenty of miserable young ladies on "the right team" with the joy sucked out of them. After 14 I think they feel much more comfortable saying "I don't like that guy". I wasted way too much time because I "didn't want to burn bridges" and "wanted to have an out". I won't ever do that again. Life is way too short, and if moving a club because a Coach was prone to favoritism or bad style makes me unpopular those are not people I want my DD around anyway. Ironically every coach that was the "next big thing" and I have had doubts about is either gone or has shown their "worth".
Christian Pusilocs mom wrote a great article on this- you may want to take a look.
Pss you will be called many names by Homers or coaches pretending to be parents in this forum- let it go. Don't engage. Read everyone's opinion and understand that the insight is valuable but only you know the full story.
People forget that we are all parents who have sought out this forum because we have a question that maybe we don't feel comfortable asking someone on the team about. Don't let it get to you sometimes it's just people needling people.
People forget that we are all parents who have sought out this forum because we have a question that maybe we don't feel comfortable asking someone on the team about. Don't let it get to you sometimes it's just people needling people.
And you are a Coach.....nauseating.
I didn't get any of this from her/his posts.
For the record of you guys are going to ramble on with these dumb posts at least make the arguments solid.
These people on this forum are the same people who think high performance and agility training is ok for ten year olds but act like occasional video on a cell phone at a practice is a big deal. Get out here- just stop!
You can't have it both ways guys!
You want us to provide answers for you but you havent the answered many questions from the peanut gallery. Specifically;
What age?
How many games have they played?
How many on the roster?
If not starting, what kind of minutes is she getting?
What position does she play?
Is she (and you) able and willing to play other positions?
I used to run in lots of running races. Sometimes there's something that bugs you. Shoe tied too tight. Seam of your sock isn't quite right. You need to blow your nose. You have to go to the bathroom.
My mantra was: "Fix it or forget it".
IE- if it bugs you enough that you can't stop thinking about it, then you're going to run slower over the next 3-26 miles. So you are better off pulling over and fixing the problem. The time you lose retrying your shoe or stopping at a porta john will be less than what you lose by worrying about it for the whole race.
You need to make a decision on this. You need to either forget it (and keep the kid on the team) or fix it (find her a new team).
What age?
How many games have they played?
How many on the roster?
If not starting, what kind of minutes is she getting?
What position does she play?
Is she (and you) able and willing to play other positions?
I used to run in lots of running races. Sometimes there's something that bugs you. Shoe tied too tight. Seam of your sock isn't quite right. You need to blow your nose. You have to go to the bathroom.
My mantra was: "Fix it or forget it".
IE- if it bugs you enough that you can't stop thinking about it, then you're going to run slower over the next 3-26 miles. So you are better off pulling over and fixing the problem. The time you lose retrying your shoe or stopping at a porta john will be less than what you lose by worrying about it for the whole race.
You need to make a decision on this. You need to either forget it (and keep the kid on the team) or fix it (find her a new team).
NoGoal
DA
I do think videotaping practice is hard up. If you see something wrong with your players technique, then demonstrate to her the correct way to execute what was incorrect. If she is determined to improve, then help her train to get better outside of practice.
BTW, my DD didn't do speed and agility training until age 13 and I "NEVER" videotaped any of her 11 years of club practice.
Agree NG but again I don't read anything in his or her posts about them believing their daughter was entitled to play time - I read that she made the team and wasn't getting it and had approached the coach and he gave them ambiguous answers. She's not cutting it either bc she's not cutting it or the coach doesn't think she's at that level yet. The roster is like a puzzle and it's up to the coach to put it together- sometimes you win and sometimes no but as a parent you can't control it. You can only hope to have a transparent coach who tells you the "why's" and depending on what the "why" is you stay or leave.
I am not judging anyone on that because again no one knows the full story. Not one of us would be happy in a place where we already paid and we're considering leaving so there must be something
I am not judging anyone on that because again no one knows the full story. Not one of us would be happy in a place where we already paid and we're considering leaving so there must be something
NoGoal
DA
Reread this post. It includes "There is no reason your kid should ride the pine if she made a team and you are paying fees for a coach to train her"
bruinblue14
SILVER
That's not entirely true. Coaches that will give you honest feedback exist. You just have to find them (and there aren't many unfortunately). And sometimes you may just not like what they have to say because it doesn't align with what you think as a parent. Not saying this is you, just saying in general. Also, some coaches have crazy, detailed memories when it comes to soccer and do track the progress of individual players and can remember plays, games, players from years back. And some coaches care, they are just hard to find sad to say. Good luck in your search.
NoGoal
DA
This is how my wife and I dealt with playtime. We didn't complain to the head coach or ask why she doesn't play. Instead after the season we leave, if we are not happy with the playtime. Why speak to the head coach, when all they will do is give you lip service. Their actions (playtime) always speak louder than their words.
NoGoal
DA
I agree, also finding a coach at each stage of a players develop years is difficult as well. A parent could find a great ulittle coach, but then the team is past onto a new coach from U14 and he isn't as good or his style of play doesn't jive with your players abilities. Then it's off to find a better fit at uolders.
chargerfan
GOLD
I think there are coaches out there that give honest feedback and will honestly tell you where your daughter falls on the team. The problem is that parents rarely want to hear the truth, so think the coach is wrong or biased towards a certain type of player or whatever. That is why I think parents tend to gravitate more towards clubs and coaches that are selling dreams and kool aid. It's easier for them to digest.
Im not going to analyze or comment on the original question anymore because he isn't giving us much to work on, like others have said.
Im not going to analyze or comment on the original question anymore because he isn't giving us much to work on, like others have said.
I do hear you on this- I was merely saying that giving a coach an opportunity to just let you know is sometimes good. I don't like assuming anything because it could be my kid was giving an attitude, being lazy OR wasn't skilled. You never know so before I make assumptions I just like to ask. I think most decent coaches will be honest- especially if they have kids they have a tendency to understand a parental view