Why do kids switch clubs

Lou789 said:
One of my sons is u11. Plays on the top team at his club and they play 2014 EA team this year. Team is very good. He plays defense 95% of the time and plays entire game. But he is miserable. He cant stand playing defense. It’s all he talks about how much he hates it.

The Coach for 3 years now has given him very little chances to play elsewhere (despite repeated promises that he would) and when he does my son does great. But it’s very seldom. We talked to the coach recently and he said this is what I think is best for your child’s development for him to play defense. But I think it’s really best because his team wins. Not for my son’s development.

I don’t know what to do as my other kids that play club soccer have never been in a situation like this.
So many questions….

1. Does he leave and go to tryouts? Or Does he not say he is leaving yet and go to tryouts?
2. Is it worth even trying to go to tryout for another team for him to try to play a different position?
3. If our coach finds out he wants to leave he will be very angry. I can already see it. Will he say bad things about my kid to the other clubs?
4. If a kid is a top player on an A team at a club and plays a lot, what are reasons for why the player would leave? Trying to understand why players leave if they are getting a lot of playing time on a top team. This is a serious question.

Any help or advice is appreciated.
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Problem #1 - He's had the same coach for 3-years. Yes, defense is critical for development, but it's also critical he plays different positions. Leave.

You need to go to a club that develops. Playing a kid at CB from age 8-11 is not 'developing' and nobody would tell you it is. What you need to do, depending on where you are in season, is start looking at other clubs and reach out to them before tryouts. He'll probably be at 2 more clubs before he's 16. Not a problem. Just don't burn bridges if you can help it. Don't accept a tryout bid and then leave. Don't quit during a season because they have to release him and get your player card back.

Without saying what club, just tell others here where you are geographically and they'll help you. I don't know the boy's side.
 
Lou789 said:
Is it bad to leave the team before tryouts and go to practices without fearing our coach will find out? My son wants to 100% leave this team. Any negatives about leaving the team before tryouts?
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Any decent club won't let him practice with them if it's during the season. If tryouts are coming up, get help (here) on what clubs to look at and reach out to the coach or DOC of that club directly. Don't tell anybody. Your current club will likely blackball him if they find out.
 
Slobodan said:
Problem #1 - He's had the same coach for 3-years. Yes, defense is critical for development, but it's also critical he plays different positions. Leave.

You need to go to a club that develops. Playing a kid at CB from age 8-11 is not 'developing' and nobody would tell you it is. What you need to do, depending on where you are in season, is start looking at other clubs and reach out to them before tryouts. He'll probably be at 2 more clubs before he's 16. Not a problem. Just don't burn bridges if you can help it. Don't accept a tryout bid and then leave. Don't quit during a season because they have to release him and get your player card back.

Without saying what club, just tell others here where you are geographically and they'll help you. I don't know the boy's side.
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I noticed the "3 years with the same coach" as well. This seems like more than normal for a coach to be with a team. But I have seen a few situations where a coach has been with a team 5 years+ and they're completely amazing. But, this is the exception not the rule.

It's very likely that you'll get a new coach soon and maybe they'll want to change things up with who plays where. Might not be the best time to jump ship.
 
These clubs don't want parents to have ANY power at all. Come to terms with that now. You're a monthly dues payment to them and that's about all you're good for.
 
Lou789 said:
QUOTE="crush, post: 487836, member: 7939"]
It can be bad to leave the team. Retaliation in youth soccer is real, trust me. A good coach with spies on the team will always find out your being disloyal and looking at teams to join so your boy can get some offense. At this age, you need to play all the positions. It's time to find greener pasture for the health of your boy. When (not if) coach finds out, your son could be punished with play time. Watch out for some parents. Good luck to you and your son Lou.
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I’m a little confused by this comment. You said it’s bad to leave a team. Why? If you tell the coach you’re leaving before going to other practices, what’s wrong with that? What’s disloyal about that?

Because many coaches and clubs demand loyalty and don't reciprocate. It's just how it is. Believe it and don't waste any time trying to combat it because it's not going to change. These clubs don't want you to have power. Once they think you may leave, they want you gone because you're a threat to them losing more players. It's like giving 2 weeks notice at a job.

But DO contact the clubs you're considering, ahead of tryouts, to let them know you're interested. Tryouts are 95% decided before you show up that day and I think 95% of the posters here would back that statement up.
 
RandomSoccerFan said:
Clueless parents believe this. Coaches, not so much. What's going to stifle their kid's success more than any other factor in the younger ages is the parent having an adversarial relationship with the poor sap giving his time/energy to coach a bunch of kids. Nobody wants to deal with an overbearing parent with forceful ideas about "where their kid deserves to play", and almost no kid is so uniquely talented to make it worth it.
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Huh? Have you spent any time around club soccer? Poor sap? LOL! Yes, nobody wants to deal with overbearing parents, but if your kid has had the same coach for 3 years, and played nothing but defense, there isn't anybody on this forum that would want that for their kid.
 
Carlsbad7 said:
I noticed the "3 years with the same coach" as well. This seems like more than normal for a coach to be with a team. But I have seen a few situations where a coach has been with a team 5 years+ and they're completely amazing. But, this is the exception not the rule.

It's very likely that you'll get a new coach soon and maybe they'll want to change things up with who plays where. Might not be the best time to jump ship.
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Not in our experience. There are coaches I would have liked to have for 3 years but typically they need a change of voice after 2. I think your 5-year coach isn't an "exception"... he's a unicorn. I'd be ALL for that if the coach was growing and developing. From what I've seen, these coaches also need different challenges.

Kid has played defense from age 8-11. That's not developing anything other than burnout and eventually some other sport... unless maybe he's an outside back with freedom to cover the entire field. That said, I would agree with you he needs to see if a coaching change is on the horizon. But frankly, if the club endorses this, I'd be concerned.
 
Lou789 said:
One of my sons is u11. Plays on the top team at his club and they play 2014 EA team this year. Team is very good. He plays defense 95% of the time and plays entire game. But he is miserable. He cant stand playing defense. It’s all he talks about how much he hates it.

The Coach for 3 years now has given him very little chances to play elsewhere (despite repeated promises that he would) and when he does my son does great. But it’s very seldom. We talked to the coach recently and he said this is what I think is best for your child’s development for him to play defense. But I think it’s really best because his team wins. Not for my son’s development.

I don’t know what to do as my other kids that play club soccer have never been in a situation like this.
So many questions….

1. Does he leave and go to tryouts? Or Does he not say he is leaving yet and go to tryouts?
2. Is it worth even trying to go to tryout for another team for him to try to play a different position?
3. If our coach finds out he wants to leave he will be very angry. I can already see it. Will he say bad things about my kid to the other clubs?
4. If a kid is a top player on an A team at a club and plays a lot, what are reasons for why the player would leave? Trying to understand why players leave if they are getting a lot of playing time on a top team. This is a serious question.

Any help or advice is appreciated.
Click to expand...

My D is playing U18/19 and is heading off to play in college next year. She has played at 4 clubs from U8-U18/19 (11 years). We had different reasons for moving each time, and looking back I think they made sense.

U8 & U9- Played at a small club five minutes from our house, mostly with friends from school. Loved it, but got much more serious about soccer and wanted a more competitive environment. Also, the birth year switch came into effect going into U10 and the team was being split in two anyways.

U10-U12- Played on the top team in our area for her age. Team was very good, they traveled everywhere, but she did not like the coach. The club had DA and she wanted to play on her high school team (DA didn't allow it), so with ECNL starting at U13 and her dislike of the coach, she asked to move. Hard to leave her friends, but was excited for the opportunity.

U13-U16- Had a very good run on her ECNL team, but she tore her ACL, re-injured her knee towards the end of U16 and the coach wouldn't guarantee her a spot for U17 "until we see how the knee recovery goes." With an injured knee and no roster spot heading into U17 we told the disloyal coach (who cut a handful of other inured players) to FK off and we rolled the dice on finding a better environment. Scary decision because there were only two teams higher up the food chain (she refused to "go backwards") and one was a 90 minute drive.

U17-U18/19- She tried out for one of the two "better teams" in our area, earned a roster spot, got her scholarships and has enjoyed beating her old team and coach when she has played them. Soccer, wise, her current team is the best thing that ever happened to her.

If your kid isn't happy, or the coaching is not a good fit, don't be afraid to move if the opportunity presents itself. Change is hard, but sometimes it's necessary.
 
Lou789 said:
One of my sons is u11. Plays on the top team at his club and they play 2014 EA team this year. Team is very good. He plays defense 95% of the time and plays entire game. But he is miserable. He cant stand playing defense. It’s all he talks about how much he hates it.

The Coach for 3 years now has given him very little chances to play elsewhere (despite repeated promises that he would) and when he does my son does great. But it’s very seldom. We talked to the coach recently and he said this is what I think is best for your child’s development for him to play defense. But I think it’s really best because his team wins. Not for my son’s development.

I don’t know what to do as my other kids that play club soccer have never been in a situation like this.
So many questions….

1. Does he leave and go to tryouts? Or Does he not say he is leaving yet and go to tryouts?
2. Is it worth even trying to go to tryout for another team for him to try to play a different position?
3. If our coach finds out he wants to leave he will be very angry. I can already see it. Will he say bad things about my kid to the other clubs?
4. If a kid is a top player on an A team at a club and plays a lot, what are reasons for why the player would leave? Trying to understand why players leave if they are getting a lot of playing time on a top team. This is a serious question.

Any help or advice is appreciated.
Click to expand...

It's been 3 years and your child hates playing soccer. There really isn't a choice here.

Let the coach know that you appreciate his point of view but your kid no longer enjoys playing soccer if he is stuck on defense. Let the coach know that your kid needs to explore other options for himself and he would like to do so with his current team, but if not, then he will have to leave and explore his own soccer journey.

Go find the joy for your son.

A good coach understands a U11 player needs to figure things out and shouldn't be pigeon holed, especially if the child is unhappy and can lose all interest in soccer. If the coach cares about your kid as an individual and is smart/needs your player as a defensive player against tough teams, he'll play your son in offensive or midfield positions when not playing tough teams.

He's not a u16 or u17 player. He shouldn't be forced to play only defense. Being forced to play defense, when a kid hates it, for three years - is terrible. u1-u14 are developmental and exploratory years.
 
Slobodan said:
Problem #1 - He's had the same coach for 3-years. Yes, defense is critical for development, but it's also critical he plays different positions. Leave.

You need to go to a club that develops. Playing a kid at CB from age 8-11 is not 'developing' and nobody would tell you it is. What you need to do, depending on where you are in season, is start looking at other clubs and reach out to them before tryouts. He'll probably be at 2 more clubs before he's 16. Not a problem. Just don't burn bridges if you can help it. Don't accept a tryout bid and then leave. Don't quit during a season because they have to release him and get your player card back.

Without saying what club, just tell others here where you are geographically and they'll help you. I don't know the boy's side.
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Sage
 
sockma said:
It's been 3 years and your child hates playing soccer. There really isn't a choice here.
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No, he hates playing defense all the time. Read the OP. It's time to let this boy free and let him roam the fields and get a taste of all the positions if possible. My gosh, this is insane. I still remember this one parent trying to get her Unicorn CM (#10) on our championship natty team back in the day and coach said, "if you play for me, you play where I put you and you best better be able to play defense and offense and not just one spot." Any coach that plays 8, 9, 10 and 11 years the same old spot is stupid.
 
RandomSoccerFan said:
Wait, this is a soccer forum?
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Well, you typically drag it out to where people would leave the game just reading your drivel, but yes. And after that last post, I'm wondering how much experience you have with the sport because you bash the parent for questioning a 3rd year coach refusing to move a kid from the back line. As if these poor, 1/4 zip Euros aren't a bunch of egomaniacs and parents should shut up and be thankful someone from a Southampton "semipro" league, now in Orange County, would take the time to show little Nathan the beautiful game for only $5k a year.
 
Slobodan said:
Well, you typically drag it out to where people would leave the game just reading your drivel, but yes. And after that last post, I'm wondering how much experience you have with the sport because you bash the parent for questioning a 3rd year coach refusing to move a kid from the back line. As if these poor, 1/4 zip Euros aren't a bunch of egomaniacs and parents should shut up and be thankful someone from a Southampton "semipro" league, now in Orange County, would take the time to show little Nathan the beautiful game for only $5k a year.
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Parents are to shut up and never question coach. Coach is always right in youth soccer. Coach also has access to the other coaches so you best better STFU or little Nathan won't get a deal. "I am coach, and I know best, and I know everything and everyone. Pay your dues and STFU, you got it parent? Oh, and don't you dare question my decisions, my way of pay for play, who I sleep with, you worthless parent who knows nothing about the great game and how it's really played." Get the hell out of there Lou. Save your son before he hates soccer.
 
Slobodan said:
Well, you typically drag it out to where people would leave the game just reading your drivel, but yes.
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Nah, I just wait for you to run out to defend a bathroom, for, *reasons*.

Slobodan said:
And after that last post, I'm wondering how much experience you have with the sport because you bash the parent for questioning a 3rd year coach refusing to move a kid from the back line.
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I'd be awfully interested in the coach's perspective in this particular case before deciding whether the parent is being silly, the coach is being silly, or both. If you've ever coached youth soccer at any level, especially the youngers - you'd be well aware of some parents causing most of the silly drama in where their kid should be playing. Of course it makes sense for all kids to learn all skills as they develop - but that's typically not the argument being used by clueless parents threatening to walk if their kid isn't striker.
 
RandomSoccerFan said:
Nah, I just wait for you to run out to defend a bathroom, for, *reasons*.


I'd be awfully interested in the coach's perspective in this particular case before deciding whether the parent is being silly, the coach is being silly, or both. If you've ever coached youth soccer at any level, especially the youngers - you'd be well aware of some parents causing most of the silly drama in where their kid should be playing. Of course it makes sense for all kids to learn all skills as they develop - but that's typically not the argument being used by clueless parents threatening to walk if their kid isn't striker.
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Gee, thanks a lot Random Soccer Coach. How about take the parent at his word. His son hates playing fucking defense 95% of the time the last three years and the kid is U11. Now we know why so many kids that play this great sport quit. It's because of coaches and leagues that ruin the pure fun of being on a team and playing multiple positions. I speak with authority. I coached one year soccer for my dd and one year basketball for my son. I moved all my players around. Everyone got to play defense and offense.
 
Lou789 said:
we are in southern CA btw.
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That helps us help you and your son Lou. Were here to help you and others like you for free because we care and have been treated like shit in the past. Not all coaches are bad, but you need to be careful. I can say a coach that plays a kid the same position for three years straight in not a good coach. I have empathy unlike some coaches that come on here to mock you. They lurk here to protect their way of making money and hate parents like me. Watch them attack poor crush.
 
crush said:
That helps us help you and your son Lou. Were here to help you and others like you for free because we care and have been treated like shit in the past. Not all coaches are bad, but you need to be careful. I can say a coach that plays a kid the same position for three years straight in not a good coach. I have empathy unlike some coaches that come on here to mock you. They lurk here to protect their way of making money and hate parents like me. Watch them attack poor crush.
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Thanks. It’s pretty obvious reading some of these comments.

the more and more I read how ridiculous it is to keep a kid in same position from age 8-11 makes me realize how much I wish I left sooner.
 
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