SoCal Soccer Attitude Change

wildcat66 said:
You obviously don't know me, I maybe say ten words at a soccer game. I have never talked to a ref during a game in the 8 years or so that my kids have been playing. I don't even really like soccer to be honest because of the attitude of many in the sport. I am the guy that brings my kid, sits in my chair and watches and gets up and leaves when the game is over. i have been known to miss stuff that happens when i am reading the paper or checking my phone or chatting with someone from another game going on behind me. I am not one of the problem parents you guys have so much heartburn with. I think my total contact with my kids coach has been something like, "how u doing, hot today huh, or good game today." But, it doesn't take a soccer expert, or a referee card to see when a ref is so insecure or full of them self to let stuff go. All they do is make the situation worse. The problem with our society, we have turned into a bunch of candy asses who need to make sure that no one gets bullied or nobody gets their feelings hurt or disrespected. didn't your mamma ever tell you that "sticks and stones can break your bones but word can't hurt you?" I go to many high school football games, many of my neighbors and friend's kid's baseball games, the basketball tournaments, etc . I never see the officials worry about what the crowd says. Not once have I seen a football ref stop a game because someone in the bleachers was vocal about the call. I see it at youth soccer games all the time. I never encourage my kid to be an ass, in fact she knows better. Not once has she ever talked back or disrespected a ref, but she will not be a helpless victim either, who has to depend the the ref, a teacher or anyone else to protect her from harm. My daughter is a respectful warrior if anything else. I think you need to find another line of work bald ref, This kids soccer too rough for you. Some soccer mamma gonna question your manhood or something.....wow haven't typed that much since college
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You nailed it!
 
wildcat66 said:
I think you need to find another line of work bald ref, This kids soccer too rough for you. Some soccer mamma gonna question your manhood or something
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once again, you don't get it. but i respect your opinion. as for my "line of work", it isn't soccer ref. i do this because i love it, and i'm very good at it. and, i do it for the players, not their insane parents who think because they pay incredible club fees, it gives them the right to act like morons.

off to have another marvelous day watching soccer from the bests eat in the house. seven yards from the ball.
 
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I find it interesting that parents are asked to sit on opposite side of the fields. It speaks volumes about parents. Last year we sat on the same side as opposing parents teams and all the kids sat together with the coaches. Our old coach preferred that, he hated when parents got up to talk to kids on the bench or worse when kids went over to mom and dad for something during a game. Not once did we have an altercation between parents. As far as the refs, besides a few 'come on ref, that wasn't offsides' or whatever, never any problems. And we did run water to the refs on hot days...soccer is weird here. Today our team was blown out, end of second half ref called a foul on opposing team, their parents flipped. It had zero impact on the score, the game but they were yelling crazy. I don't get it :/
 
wildcat66 said:
Not once have I seen a football ref stop a game because someone in the bleachers was vocal about the call. I see it at youth soccer games all the time.
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This has more to do with soccer's Laws of the Game and tradition (unlike American-driven sports that demands referees tolerate abuse, soccer is the opposite) than people's candy asses. Sidenote: high school basketball is much, much worse than a soccer sideline. Officials should not have to tolerate it, but they do.
 
baldref said:
once again, you don't get it. but i respect your opinion. as for my "line of work", it isn't soccer ref. i do this because i love it, and i'm very good at it. and, i do it for the players, not their insane parents who think because they pay incredible club fees, it gives them the right to act like morons.

off to have another marvelous day watching soccer from the bests eat in the house. seven yards from the ball.
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I think you're the one not getting it. The discussion of some refs' overreacting and the quality of officiating has nothing to do with sideline abuse or your competence as a ref. If you think sideline abuse (which nobody is defending) is an issue, being confrontational and thin-skinned doesn't solve it. It only escalates. If you really respect people when they disagree with you, don't accuse them being one of the lunatics. If you genuinely believe that the game is about the kids, why claim "I'm very good at it?" How is it relevant?

The reality is that most parents despise these few bad apples. To most of us, soccer is a family event we look forward to. A confrontation between refs and some other parents ruins it for all of us. You may disagree with it, but some of us believe the fault lies with those idiots. It also lies partially with those confrontational, overreacting refs.
 
jrcaesar said:
This has more to do with soccer's Laws of the Game and tradition (unlike American-driven sports that demands referees tolerate abuse, soccer is the opposite) than people's candy asses. Sidenote: high school basketball is much, much worse than a soccer sideline. Officials should not have to tolerate it, but they do.
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That's simply laughable. You obviously haven't been to a youth soccer game overseas. England has the oldest football tradition. It's also known for its violent hooligans. Violence is a lot more rare among American sports spectators. What tradition are you talking about?
 
Hello everybody! Hope you all had wonderful games this weekend!
It's great to see all the dialogue that has come from the start of this thread. But it is sad to see that most of it is one sided and that many of the posts are people still arguing the right to abuse refs for all the horrendous reasons you have listed.

Hopefully some of you were able to see the "unicorns and light" and make a positive change. I did, and I'd like to share that story with you now...

So although my son just joined a team with chronic ref abusers, I have made it my mission to be a calming influence on the leader of the bunch and the sideline in general. Over the last 2 weekends I have been able to isolate this parent and diffuse him/her from going ballistic over trivial calls. I have been able to do this by stating simple facts:
1-hold on, he didn't make the call because he was playing the advantage for us...it was a good no call.
2-relax, we were offsides, he made the right call.
3-that was a good call, we did foul the other team that time, the ref is doing a good job calling it both ways.

Other things that have been working are:
Talking about the kids in school.
Talking about things going on in SoCal.
Talking about how everybodys summer went.
Talking about other things all while we watch our kids play a game of soccer. Relaxing!!! Sitting in our chairs!

I have noticed that other parents have noticed and are now doing the same thing. It's amazing....really, it truly is!

I challenge anybody who reads this to try the same thing...see if you can enlighten other parents on better sideline etiquette! See if YOU can make our soccer fields a better place for everybody, and a much better place for our kids...
 
Laced said:
If you think sideline abuse (which nobody is defending) is an issue, being confrontational and thin-skinned doesn't solve it. I
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I'm not being confrontational or thin skinned. I'm just solving it, plain and simple. It's not allowed. End of story
 
Sentient Being said:
Hello everybody! Hope you all had wonderful games this weekend!
It's great to see all the dialogue that has come from the start of this thread. But it is sad to see that most of it is one sided and that many of the posts are people still arguing the right to abuse refs for all the horrendous reasons you have listed.

Hopefully some of you were able to see the "unicorns and light" and make a positive change. I did, and I'd like to share that story with you now...

So although my son just joined a team with chronic ref abusers, I have made it my mission to be a calming influence on the leader of the bunch and the sideline in general. Over the last 2 weekends I have been able to isolate this parent and diffuse him/her from going ballistic over trivial calls. I have been able to do this by stating simple facts:
1-hold on, he didn't make the call because he was playing the advantage for us...it was a good no call.
2-relax, we were offsides, he made the right call.
3-that was a good call, we did foul the other team that time, the ref is doing a good job calling it both ways.

Other things that have been working are:
Talking about the kids in school.
Talking about things going on in SoCal.
Talking about how everybodys summer went.
Talking about other things all while we watch our kids play a game of soccer. Relaxing!!! Sitting in our chairs!

I have noticed that other parents have noticed and are now doing the same thing. It's amazing....really, it truly is!

I challenge anybody who reads this to try the same thing...see if you can enlighten other parents on better sideline etiquette! See if YOU can make our soccer fields a better place for everybody, and a much better place for our kids...
Click to expand...

I installed a lavender aromatherapy mister on the sidelines it was phenomenal. Another parent bought a weighted vest for anxious parents.
Teamwork makes the dream work.
I love that you have embraced my unicorn and lights mantra. Next week try "sunshine and rainbows". It's a game changer.
 
Laced said:
I think you're the one not getting it. The discussion of some refs' overreacting and the quality of officiating has nothing to do with sideline abuse or your competence as a ref. If you think sideline abuse (which nobody is defending) is an issue, being confrontational and thin-skinned doesn't solve it. It only escalates. If you really respect people when they disagree with you, don't accuse them being one of the lunatics. If you genuinely believe that the game is about the kids, why claim "I'm very good at it?" How is it relevant?

The reality is that most parents despise these few bad apples. To most of us, soccer is a family event we look forward to. A confrontation between refs and some other parents ruins it for all of us. You may disagree with it, but some of us believe the fault lies with those idiots. It also lies partially with those confrontational, overreacting refs.
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He's a ref on a discussion board- enough said. Let it go like Frozen. Let it go.
There are ways to handle bad refs professionally.
 
mommato2girls said:
I find it interesting that parents are asked to sit on opposite side of the fields. It speaks volumes about parents. Last year we sat on the same side as opposing parents teams and all the kids sat together with the coaches. Our old coach preferred that, he hated when parents got up to talk to kids on the bench or worse when kids went over to mom and dad for something during a game. Not once did we have an altercation between parents. As far as the refs, besides a few 'come on ref, that wasn't offsides' or whatever, never any problems. And we did run water to the refs on hot days...soccer is weird here. Today our team was blown out, end of second half ref called a foul on opposing team, their parents flipped. It had zero impact on the score, the game but they were yelling crazy. I don't get it :/
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Completely agree. SCDSL likes it this way though and we never have an issue when we are in the same side line with coach.
Also agree though that it should never have to come to this. No one should be subjected not the kids, guests, parents or refs and I don't think anyone is arguing that.
Parents watching high intensity games at CRL have been very classless this year. Not the coach or the refs have stopped it once
 
Sentient Being said:
Hello everybody! Hope you all had wonderful games this weekend!
It's great to see all the dialogue that has come from the start of this thread. But it is sad to see that most of it is one sided and that many of the posts are people still arguing the right to abuse refs for all the horrendous reasons you have listed.

Hopefully some of you were able to see the "unicorns and light" and make a positive change. I did, and I'd like to share that story with you now...

So although my son just joined a team with chronic ref abusers, I have made it my mission to be a calming influence on the leader of the bunch and the sideline in general. Over the last 2 weekends I have been able to isolate this parent and diffuse him/her from going ballistic over trivial calls. I have been able to do this by stating simple facts:
1-hold on, he didn't make the call because he was playing the advantage for us...it was a good no call.
2-relax, we were offsides, he made the right call.
3-that was a good call, we did foul the other team that time, the ref is doing a good job calling it both ways.

Other things that have been working are:
Talking about the kids in school.
Talking about things going on in SoCal.
Talking about how everybodys summer went.
Talking about other things all while we watch our kids play a game of soccer. Relaxing!!! Sitting in our chairs!

I have noticed that other parents have noticed and are now doing the same thing. It's amazing....really, it truly is!

I challenge anybody who reads this to try the same thing...see if you can enlighten other parents on better sideline etiquette! See if YOU can make our soccer fields a better place for everybody, and a much better place for our kids...
Click to expand...
I don't say much at games and am pretty friendly but I may have to move if I saw you coming....LOL perhaps some calming harp music or bubbles as well
 
wildcat66 said:
I don't say much at games and am pretty friendly but I may have to move if I saw you coming....LOL perhaps some calming harp music or bubbles as well
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@Sentient Being real talk not being sarcastic here. Do your teachings and wellness retract tactics work on high profile parents who are in Boards and friends of the DOC, or even the "assistant coach" parents who are my personal favorites.
You are swinging at low hanging easily distractable fruit. Find a case study as listed above and let me know how that pans out because I am ALL IN if you can solve that puzzle .
 
Just a reminder that, I'm sure you've heard it yourselves, players (kids) have told parents to stop while on the field because they are embarrassed by parent behavior.

Really doesn't matter if it's the bad ref or parents, let's remember that neither are playing the game. Let them learn to deal with adversities. Maybe it's a bad call or bad tackle not called. The game is filled with error because we're humans and don't always get it right.

As for the attitude in general, I don't think it's any worse than before and if it seems that way to you, maybe it's just new to you.
 
If we don't straighten out the referees when they are doing youth games, they will grow up to become NCAA referees like the one who butchered the UCLA game at UCSB yesterday.
 
There are good refs and bad refs. By screaming at bad ones you will not make them better. Some bad ones will get better with experience. The worst ones is the bad and ignorant ones - they will never get better. I can assure you though, there are more good refs than bad ones. If you get a bad ref at your game - don't worry - good one is coming to next game. If the winning team complains about referee - then he/she must of been really bad.
Couple of posters here mentioned here how bad it is in Europe...BS - you either never been there or have no clue whats really going on nowadays.
In England there is very strict rule about sideline behavior. Every club MUST have what they call it respect line (see photo) and parents have to stay behind it, not allowed to cross it and not allowed to complain about referee calls. Only Coach allowed to speak to a referee or ask a question in a polite manner. All violations reported to FA which fines youth clubs.
On the other hand, if any of you here familiar with LOTG, parents is NOT part of the game - only players, coaches and referees. All leagues also have rules in place which puts coach to be responsible for parent behavior.
Respect.jpg
 
ESPNANALYST said:
@Sentient Being real talk not being sarcastic here. Do your teachings and wellness retract tactics work on high profile parents who are in Boards and friends of the DOC, or even the "assistant coach" parents who are my personal favorites.
You are swinging at low hanging easily distractable fruit. Find a case study as listed above and let me know how that pans out because I am ALL IN if you can solve that puzzle .
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As a matter of fact, the parent in question that I have been working on IS a board member for many years and the active team manager! The assistant coach of the team and another high ranking board member have also both started to "ease" into the calmness surrounding the sideline aura..

The change is real.. The games will be played. It's just so much of a better atmosphere without all the yelling and abuse..
 
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