Verbally Abusive Coaches

The Godfather said:
What should players and parents do to stop verbally abusive coaches towards players? As you can imagine, there is always the fear of retaliation since coaches feel that they have all the power. Seeking thoughts on best ways to handle. Success stories?
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There's a role for referees, too. The U.S. Soccer Referee Education Resource Center has published guidance on what constitutes insulting, abusive or offensive language and/or gestures. "The main principle in recognizing offensive insulting, or abusive language is that the referee must protect the safety and enjoyment of the participants as well as the fairness of the play."

The LOTG permit sanctioning coaches using insulting, abusive or offensive language during games with a red card and dismissal. This kind of behavior impugns the dignity of the game. Emotional abuse of players should not be tolerated.

We referees need to step up and do our part. A few years ago I spoke to a high school girls junior varsity coach during a game about how he was speaking towards his players. It probably didn't cross the line into the type of language the U.S. Soccer guidelines describe but I considered it demeaning and inappropriate for a leader of an interscholastic activity. Later, other referees confirmed similar behavior during their games. Thankfully, he was not the JV girls coach the next season. In retrospect, I regret not having written to his principal after my experience.
 
twoclubpapa said:
There's a role for referees, too. The U.S. Soccer Referee Education Resource Center has published guidance on what constitutes insulting, abusive or offensive language and/or gestures. "The main principle in recognizing offensive insulting, or abusive language is that the referee must protect the safety and enjoyment of the participants as well as the fairness of the play."

The LOTG permit sanctioning coaches using insulting, abusive or offensive language during games with a red card and dismissal. This kind of behavior impugns the dignity of the game. Emotional abuse of players should not be tolerated.

We referees need to step up and do our part. A few years ago I spoke to a high school girls junior varsity coach during a game about how he was speaking towards his players. It probably didn't cross the line into the type of language the U.S. Soccer guidelines describe but I considered it demeaning and inappropriate for a leader of an interscholastic activity. Later, other referees confirmed similar behavior during their games. Thankfully, he was not the JV girls coach the next season. In retrospect, I regret not having written to his principal after my experience.
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It's really hard, though, for a referee to do this. Some of the referees really need the money and they are reluctant to get labelled as a problem referee, or have to justify the action to the assignor or to have to go to the problem of writing up a report unless it's clear and obvious, it directly impacts the game and unless CalSouth or other supervising org is going to actually back them up with an investigation and license suspensions (so they can't not only not participate in the game but in the practices). Remember too the sanctions for a red card can be severe lasting several games which dissuade refs from issuing them except in clear and obvious situations. Finally, there's so much trash talk in SoCal going out between the players themselves, parents on the sidelines, and the coaches that if the refs were really to be serious about doing this they'd be handing out the cards like candy.....it goes against the entire flow of the game thing that's been preached on the other side of things.
 
twoclubpapa said:
There's a role for referees, too. The U.S. Soccer Referee Education Resource Center has published guidance on what constitutes insulting, abusive or offensive language and/or gestures. "The main principle in recognizing offensive insulting, or abusive language is that the referee must protect the safety and enjoyment of the participants as well as the fairness of the play."

The LOTG permit sanctioning coaches using insulting, abusive or offensive language during games with a red card and dismissal. This kind of behavior impugns the dignity of the game. Emotional abuse of players should not be tolerated.

We referees need to step up and do our part. A few years ago I spoke to a high school girls junior varsity coach during a game about how he was speaking towards his players. It probably didn't cross the line into the type of language the U.S. Soccer guidelines describe but I considered it demeaning and inappropriate for a leader of an interscholastic activity. Later, other referees confirmed similar behavior during their games. Thankfully, he was not the JV girls coach the next season. In retrospect, I regret not having written to his principal after my experience.
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If this would be that simple we wouldn't have any coaches left :)
 
I played volunteer surf ref today at the beach and I got yelled at by a stupid mom with her son. Here's what went down: I went to the beach for some Vitamin D for two hours this morning. Waves were nice size but they would come in long intervals. There is this killer place where people think the waves are not coming so they go and walk on rocks that can actually become a death zone so fast your dead before you know it. Sure enough, life guard gets his red flags out ((Yellow flag on beach but waves by rocks get the red flag automatically)) and signs that tell folks to stay the fuck off the rocks when red flag warnings are up. Life guard cant be everywhere and I'm just watching to see who will break the rules. Well, a tourist mama bear came on the scene during a calm period with her two year old son. This kid got away from her like all boys do and was cruising for a bruising. I felt for the kid so I walked fast over to her and yelled at his mom, "mam, you need to get off the rocks. The big waves will come and take your kid." I swear she looks at me and tells me she can do whatever she wants and to mind my own businesses. I swear she said this to me and I got pissed off. I told her to get the fuck off the rocks now!!!! and read the fucking signs!!!! or your son will be fucking dead today!!!! A big wave came after she listen to me and she gave me that look like, "wow, so sorry I was defensive with you, you just saved my kids life and I was a complete asshole to you sir." She gave me the thumbs up and a "thank you wink" and all is good. Sometime you have to speak the fuck up, even when it's not popular. I did it for the little boy. Refs, make the calls now!!!
 
May the month of May be kind to everyone. I believe much will be revealed that has not been laid bare for all eyes to see and will blow some of you out of here for good. I know a soccer mama bear named Mae and she also said that the month of May will be filled with crazy asshats being revealed for the liars they were. You may just want to be patient with big decisions is my advice to anyone who wants it. Lot's of moving around in May traditionally and this month will be the biggest May ever :)

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The Godfather said:
What should players and parents do to stop verbally abusive coaches towards players? As you can imagine, there is always the fear of retaliation since coaches feel that they have all the power. Seeking thoughts on best ways to handle. Success stories?
Click to expand...

Leave. The market is big enough to support you moving clubs. Zero reason for player abuse at any age. These are kids.
 
Franco2020 said:
Agree. Why do parents take it? Who learns by scream and fear mongering? Imagine if Biology, Math and Music were taught by teachers that abused the students verbally in order to learn? Same principle applies to sports.
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Agree for most. Some people though do learn by being pushed or abused. It comes at a price though. See “whiplash” as an interesting study.
 
How about verbally abusive coaches that cuss and swear at coaches from the competing team. Kids can learn a lot by sitting in the bench and watch their coach spew hatred to the other side.
 
SoccerFan4Life said:
How about verbally abusive coaches that cuss and swear at coaches from the competing team. Kids can learn a lot by sitting in the bench and watch their coach spew hatred to the other side.
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The worst thing is that the team starts to take on the personality/energy of the abusive coach. Kids yelling at each other, blaming each other, talking back to the ref.

I wish I knew then what I know now, and I wouldn't have spent a few seasons putting up with bad behavior.
 
Grace T. said:
Agree for most. Some people though do learn by being pushed or abused. It comes at a price though. See “whiplash” as an interesting study.
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My son is a drummer and we watched "Whiplash" together. He said that if a director threw something at him, he better start ducking because the drummer has more ammo. Sticks would be the first thing, then the throne and the cymbals. Don't mess with drummers, they are the most physically fit in the band.
 
outside! said:
My son is a drummer and we watched "Whiplash" together. He said that if a director threw something at him, he better start ducking because the drummer has more ammo. Sticks would be the first thing, then the throne and the cymbals. Don't mess with drummers, they are the most physically fit in the band.
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Mine too!
 
crush said:
I swear she said this to me and I got pissed off. I told her to get the fuck off the rocks now!!!! and read the fucking signs!!!! or your son will be fucking dead today!!!! A big wave came after she listen to me and she gave me that look like, "wow, so sorry I was defensive with you, you just saved my kids life and I was a complete asshole to you sir." She gave me the thumbs up and a "thank you wink" and all is good. Sometime you have to speak the fuck up, even when it's not popular. I did it for the little boy. Refs, make the calls now!!!
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Have you seen the scenes when referee tries to calm down a parent or a coach who are out of line? Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but in all situations it's a circus. Stopping the game, walking to the parent/coach and trying to say something in a polite way when probably the F word is the only way to use. As a referee you can't use the vulgar language Like I said it's a full circus and after that the game is not the same for referee. Now, imagine the ref is 13-16 years old.
 
Mic Nificent said:
We can’t control how people act or their emotions but we can control who our kids play for
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Yes, I find this whole thread strange. If a coach is really this bad, why are people staying? Leave. We are fortunate to live in a spot with tons of coaches and clubs. There is not one coach or club holding the key around here.
 
timbuck said:
That's a big part of the problem today. A coach that played D1 soccer 20 years ago - If you think college soccer is a crappy level now. Have you seen a game from 20 years ago in the US? Possession wasn't a word that anybody used. Coaches were either foreign transplants or someone with very little soccer experience.
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Uh, not sure where or when people didn't use the word possession in this sport.... Luckily, I played for really good transplants in the 80's and coached for 6 years in the 90's in Orange County. Possession was a word, more so a fundamental concept, I learned as a young player, and regularly emphasized to varying degree (from indoor voice to yelling) while coaching. You're not giving good players or solid coaches from 20 to 40 years ago enough credit. Back then most of the Nation's top talent came from SoCal. Lol! Loosing the ball or passing to the other team weren't good things to do back the either;-) Cheers!
 
timbuck said:
That's a big part of the problem today. A coach that played D1 soccer 20 years ago - If you think college soccer is a crappy level now. Have you seen a game from 20 years ago in the US? Possession wasn't a word that anybody used. Coaches were either foreign transplants or someone with very little soccer experience.
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I’ve been playing possession soccer since 1985. Yes, I am aging myself. The coach that introduced this form of the game to me was a Geordie.
 
notintheface said:
Leave. The market is big enough to support you moving clubs. Zero reason for player abuse at any age. These are kids.
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There is also an extremely fine line between abuse and tough coaching. Part of that equation is age related. We have left a team since coach was so weak and didn't correct problems on or off the field. Parent knows the kid and knows what will work or will not work for that kid. Either way, abuse is wrong but tough coaching may be right.
 
Started my daughter at ——— club with this certain coach who was verbally abusive. She was 10yrs old and decided to follow some friends with them to another club. Told me not to leave that i’m making the biggest mistake. She had a great last 7 years. We made a decision to return to where we started and turned out to be the biggest mistake of her club career. No college support, they where told to figure it out . told us one thing and did the opposite. My DD finally had enough verbal abuse and she quit the team. Along with probably 7-8 + other girls. Some girls had been with this coach for years. All got tired of the BS. I said to my self.. why did we return to back to Shawshank when we worked so hard to escape!?Live and learn
 
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