Verbally Abusive Coaches

crush said:
I wanted to play for Bob Knight but I wasnt good enough. Wooden would have been to my liking too but I needed a kick in the ass from a coach Knight, just being honest here fellas. The girls don't need no Bob in their life, trust me.
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Yup our HS football coaches where like drill sergeants they called you every name in the book, some you didn't know about yet and cussed profusely like sailors. No biggie we just thought that was normal and laughed about it later.

In today's PC world, language and people are a lot more sensitive so have to tone it down and use more sensible ways to get the messages across.
 
Speed said:
My kids solution was to bully him back. Screamed at my kid and he turned around screamed back and dropped the F bomb multiple times. Parents said it shocked everyone and practice stopped afraid of what coach would do. his response? ‘Alrighty then let’s resume‘.
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Happens in the business world as well. I had a boss that had an eating disorder (would only eat plain foods with no spices or sauces).
When he traveled he didnt eat well and would rage in meetings. He was so mad one time that he dropped F bombs on me for 5 minutes. I got up looked him down and said :" If you think it's ok to drop F bombs on me, than I will Fn drop it on you. You need to Fn respect others and this is no Fn way to handle it" The guy was shocked and perplexed that I didnt take shit from him. He was fired, I am still here. LOL
 
timbuck said:
That's a big part of the problem today. A coach that played D1 soccer 20 years ago - If you think college soccer is a crappy level now. Have you seen a game from 20 years ago in the US? Possession wasn't a word that anybody used. Coaches were either foreign transplants or someone with very little soccer experience.
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I think back then we still called the sport kickball.
 
timbuck said:
That's a big part of the problem today. A coach that played D1 soccer 20 years ago - If you think college soccer is a crappy level now. Have you seen a game from 20 years ago in the US? Possession wasn't a word that anybody used. Coaches were either foreign transplants or someone with very little soccer experience.
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Requirement to coach college is a 4 year degree - soccer knowledge or coaching license is not.
 
lafalafa said:
Yup our HS football coaches where like drill sergeants they called you every name in the book, some you didn't know about yet and cussed profusely like sailors. No biggie we just thought that was normal and laughed about it later.

In today's PC world, language and people are a lot more sensitive so have to tone it down and use more sensible ways to get the messages across.
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My HS Hoops coach was insane bro. He kicked off the volleyball players because they wouldnt play summer league for obvious reasons. Then, he invites the whole team to a super radical church and throws in a free steak dinner if you go with him and his wife. I hated church back then but loved steak so I took him up on the offer. So about half the team goes to Sunday church with coach and it was about, "your going to hell if you dont ask Jesus right now to come into your heart. The pressure put on a 15 year old sinner was too much and I raised my hand like all the others. I wont lie I did it so the coach would like me and if I went to church maybe I could bump the line and get the start over my atheist friend Paul. I also told me sweet mama that her faith was all wrong and she's going to hell and why she didnt teach me this easy way into paradise.
 
SoccerFan4Life said:
Happens in the business world as well. I had a boss that had an eating disorder (would only eat plain foods with no spices or sauces).
When he traveled he didnt eat well and would rage in meetings. He was so mad one time that he dropped F bombs on me for 5 minutes. I got up looked him down and said :" If you think it's ok to drop F bombs on me, than I will Fn drop it on you. You need to Fn respect others and this is no Fn way to handle it" The guy was shocked and perplexed that I didnt take shit from him. He was fired, I am still here. LOL
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Yes, I had similar work situation and I went off on my bosses boss. My boss was looking at me like I lost my mind and would be fired. I figured I would but didn't care. I didn't. From that day forward that a**hole deferred to me for all decisions in my area and respected me because I stood up for myself. I, like my kid, didn't plan on going off --its just an innate thing I have that I cannot turn off:).
 
SoccerFan4Life said:
Happens in the business world as well. I had a boss that had an eating disorder (would only eat plain foods with no spices or sauces).
When he traveled he didnt eat well and would rage in meetings. He was so mad one time that he dropped F bombs on me for 5 minutes. I got up looked him down and said :" If you think it's ok to drop F bombs on me, than I will Fn drop it on you. You need to Fn respect others and this is no Fn way to handle it" The guy was shocked and perplexed that I didnt take shit from him. He was fired, I am still here. LOL
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I had a boss lady go off on me back when Yellow Pages were around. She had a work ethic that was impossible to match and expected everyone to be just like her. We called her, "Tara the terrible." She was first in the office and last to leave. She wanted your ass in the office everyday no later than 8am and back by 4 to make follow up calls. Basically, get your "cheeks in your seat" and make calls so I can get a bonus every quarter. She was just terrible to work for and had no kids at the time. Told me she would never be a stay home mommy. I told her she will be a stay home mommy because you lady are one big control freak. Anyway, she went on some sales calls with me and told me my presentation sucked, that I was too nervous and actually was not the right fit to be a "consultative" sales person because I was all about price at Sparkletts water. She told her boss to fire my ass. I was getting married and she wanted me gone before my wedding day. Her boss took me under his wing ((believed in me)) and I later became sales manager of the year and won a trip to Fiji. Boss lady was not on the trip because she quit to become a stay home mom with her kids. My favorite story ever in my life :)
 
One of the best trainers my son had was verbally abusive. He put the kids under peer pressure to perform, and if you failed you heard about it instantly, also gave positive reinforcement . This training under pressure helped him in school. Many on here dislike this coach because they feel uncomfortable, and im not talking about the Bakers.
 
Dominic said:
One of the best trainers my son had was verbally abusive. He put the kids under peer pressure to perform, and if you failed you heard about it instantly, also gave positive reinforcement . This training under pressure helped him in school. Many on here dislike this coach because they feel uncomfortable, and im not talking about the Bakers.
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"My son" is not "My DD."
 
Dominic said:
One of the best trainers my son had was verbally abusive. He put the kids under peer pressure to perform, and if you failed you heard about it instantly, also gave positive reinforcement . This training under pressure helped him in school. Many on here dislike this coach because they feel uncomfortable, and im not talking about the Bakers.
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We're had some very vocal trainers and that style can work, some take it as motivation and not personal others like you say do get uneasy or stressed eventually.

Can help with calmness, focus and blocking out distractions but some get tired of the instant feedback and just want a "break" without that much constant critique.
 
Carlsbad7 said:
I have a funny story to tell about a coach that liked to yell at the players...

We were at one of those big tournaments where fields are right next to each other and multiple teams were playing at the same time. I had a splitting headache from the night before. In the field across from / next to us this coach was going off on what looked like U10 girls. The coach was being so obnoxious that I was getting annoyed. He was also being a complete ass saying negative things. About half way through their game I couldn't take it anymore + the headache was kicking in big time so I waited until a break in the action (he would take this time to dig even harder into the girls) and I yelled... (Hey $hithead stop yelling at the girls) Everyone from mutliple teams heard it and the parents in our group started to laugh. I'm sure other's were doing the same. The coach tried to stare me down but quickly realized it wasn't going to do anything. The rest of the game he was toned down enough to make my headache tolerable. I was expecting a "meet me in the parking lot" situation but it never happened.
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Love this story, well done.
 
Technician72 said:
I suppose it’s always best to go into it thinking “Blue Sky” scenario and that a coach is going to change based on feedback, so depending on the players age a conversation should be had with the coach to address the specifics, either by the player or parent.

When my kids were younger I would usually have the initial talk about my players personality when bringing them to a new team or coach and share what works best for my kid with them.

My oldest was always the kid who preferred to by taught than yelled at, she needed constructive criticism to know how to fix what needed fixing.

My youngest in contrast was very resilient when coaches would “push” her and yell and scream in frustration over their inadequacies to properly train / coach.

But overall I don’t have a success story to share, coaches who are truly verbally abusive beyond just being loud are toxic and there are too many other good coaches who can get results without using that style. My advice would be that 99% of the time you get outta of that unfixable situation. I kept my youngest in that scenario too long having confused “tough it out” with “this isn’t right” and she quit playing altogether.
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Let me be clear, it doesn't bother my kid but she doesn't respect him because he is an ASS. He just says dumb stuff, doesn't provide constructive feedback (to the entire team), lies when you call him out, and believes being an asshole separates him from the rest of coaches. Oh, every coach I know feels the same about him being an ass. Hopefully the club figures it out soon so these girls can have a great final club season next year.
 
The Godfather said:
Let me be clear, it doesn't bother my kid but she doesn't respect him because he is an ASS. He just says dumb stuff, doesn't provide constructive feedback (to the entire team), lies when you call him out, and believes being an asshole separates him from the rest of coaches. Oh, every coach I know feels the same about him being an ass. Hopefully the club figures it out soon so these girls can have a great final club season next year.
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I dedicate this song to the Ass that we all know Godfather. I feel your pain bro. Take out the word, "girl" in the song called, "Lies" and replace with "Coach" or "Doc." I swear you will laugh your Ass off if watch the whole 2 minutes....lol.

 
BTW, looks like I have to STFU after tmrw. Yup, I made a deal with ___________________________ and because of that, I need to lay low. It's for the best. I might come back as another avatar but I wont be able to say I'm EJ or Crush. I know it sucks too, but I have to do it. I made that promise and frankly, I got the word out about the lies. This is serious soccer now and it's best I keep my big mouth shut and let it go once and for all. Time to put up or STFU, right.............
 
Is there some reason strong enough to justify keeping your kid under an abusive coach? Assuming you aren't using the word "abusive" lightly, I can't think of one, at least not in the supple club scene of Southern California. Too many good coaches, teams, and clubs, all with great kids too, to spend your money and trust your kid with an abusive coach. You may even try playing your kid up a year.
 
Giesbock said:
Praise Publicly Criticize Privately

Questions I’d like to ask Coaches 1,2 3 and 4:

Were you a player? Did you just not make the next level and turn to coaching to stay in the game? As a player, did your coach yell and scream, or teach through instruction?

End of the day, every single coach is a reflection of the team setting he or she grew up in, just like all of us are a reflection of the home we grew up in.

Overlay the wide range of nationalities that are represented in youth soccer coaches, and you have to consider social norms from other countries.

I know that there’s training for coaches to earn their licenses, etc but curious if that training includes a behavioral component?
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It’s been a few years now but for the lower level licenses they did a few minutes at best. There was actually more time devoted to the children’s physical development and how it impacts training than the emotional. Most of the time is spent with their training on philosophy, how to set up a practice and build from warm up to scrimmage, and how to use their stupid computer program to write practice notes and retrieve practice sessions (I have yet to actually meet a coach that uses their system). Virtually no time is spent on game management....it’s assumed you know how to do that already.
 
crush said:
BTW, looks like I have to STFU after tmrw. Yup, I made a deal with ___________________________ and because of that, I need to lay low. It's for the best. I might come back as another avatar but I wont be able to say I'm EJ or Crush. I know it sucks too, but I have to do it. I made that promise and frankly, I got the word out about the lies. This is serious soccer now and it's best I keep my big mouth shut and let it go once and for all. Time to put up or STFU, right.............
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Sounds like it must be a great deal. Hopefully to your daughter’s benefit! Good luck
 
Giesbock said:
Sounds like it must be a great deal. Hopefully to your daughter’s benefit! Good luck
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Satire brother Gies. May 1st is open season again for club hoppers was my satire. I talked to a dad last night and he told me his dd will be looking to join her fourth team in four years. I'm still trying to get over all the mocking and making fun of my dd the last 4 years. You do know the assholes who made fun of her and mocked me, her dad because I had to get her out of a bad situation. She followed the rules while others did not. "Chester the cheater" is what we had to deal with. Hop until you drop is my motto :)
 
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A dear friend I met on the forum a couple years ago just informed me that he has been placed on "Muzzle Jail." I was told 5 years ago I was not allowed to share MOO ((Dont share shit on the forum about what's really going on in our family)) with other parents on the forum. It was the biggest muzzle I ever wore. Look below and see my muzzle :) Stop talking on socal soccer forum or we will kick you out of our club ((family)) was what I was warned with. I obeyed for two years and then I ripped my muzzle off my mouth and never put one back on. Tomorrow is decision day so I might be forced to STFU as well, just like my pal was told. He did say that it was his choice to keep quite :)

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