Recruiting Tips for Parents Just Starting the Process

The Outlaw said:
Let me play devil's advocate. What about letting the coach know, early in the process, that you aren't totally dependent on a scholarship? I know your kid ended up at her dream school, and I have no idea what that entire process entailed, but having been through it... do you see value in making your kid be an easier "get" for a coach if he knows early that you won't necessarily cost him anything versus a kid that wants to negotiate?
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You want your kid to be the buyer as much as possible. For the elite level players, that window is there and it can be short-lived and you want to take advantage as much as possible. For others, being the "buyer" may be exactly as you say, @The Outlaw - telling the coach that scholarship level is not as important as the slot on the team/admission. But I think there's risk in that, too, b/c in some ways it diminishes the type of player you are (either actual or expectation).

I do agree with @Simisoccerfan - it is a negotiation of sorts and telling a young person to keep her/his cool is important but challenging. Even if the offer is a full ride at the dream school, you need to stress that your kid needs a chance to exhale (contrary to what I wrote upthread, I do think it is appropriate for the parent to step in IF it appears the kid is going to say too much in that moment). It should be your kid's choice but if she's/he's receiving big time offers, you need to step in help your child process what it all means.

I have written many times that I am a fan of the new rules, despite my kid committing under the old rules. She committed early and years later as we prepare to see her off, I think it remains the best school for her in many, many ways. But even though I think it has worked out incredibly well, she would have been better-suited to understand the process a year later. She endured a lot of stress going through it and that took me by surprise - "why are you so stressed? This is really positive? You are going to play D1 soccer! These schools want you! Isn't that incredible?" But it was a big burden and she did feel direct pressure from a finalist (which pissed me off but I understood the "why" behind it and given her playing position, despite being a "buyer" player, it was a coach's way of flipping the script). The most important decision of her life to date and one of the most important decisions she will ever make . . . it was my folly to think it would not be stressful (really myopic).

I'm excited for all of your kids and I hope they have opportunities and make choices that are thrilling. And for the ones who may not have their phones ringing off the hook - just use this time to research and learn. Learning = maturity in my mind and that maturity will serve their ultimate decisions really, really well.
 
The Outlaw said:
Let me play devil's advocate. What about letting the coach know, early in the process, that you aren't totally dependent on a scholarship? I know your kid ended up at her dream school, and I have no idea what that entire process entailed, but having been through it... do you see value in making your kid be an easier "get" for a coach if he knows early that you won't necessarily cost him anything versus a kid that wants to negotiate?
Click to expand...

College is expensive! I should know I have three kids in college right now. I guess if you truly do not need the money being nice and letting the coach know that is a good thing. But I don't think it ill improve your chance of getting on offer to be on the team. Either a coach wants your kid or they don't. I am not advocating negiotiating like you are buying a car or a house. But there is zero harm in asking if they can make the offer better and then being silent until they answer. Either they will offer something more or say they don't have more to offer. Also you don't even attempt to negiotiate until after you have the offer. So up until that point of the offer the coach doesn't even know how easy you will be to get.
 
dk_b said:
You want your kid to be the buyer as much as possible. For the elite level players, that window is there and it can be short-lived and you want to take advantage as much as possible. For others, being the "buyer" may be exactly as you say, @The Outlaw - telling the coach that scholarship level is not as important as the slot on the team/admission. But I think there's risk in that, too, b/c in some ways it diminishes the type of player you are (either actual or expectation).

I do agree with @Simisoccerfan - it is a negotiation of sorts and telling a young person to keep her/his cool is important but challenging. Even if the offer is a full ride at the dream school, you need to stress that your kid needs a chance to exhale (contrary to what I wrote upthread, I do think it is appropriate for the parent to step in IF it appears the kid is going to say too much in that moment). It should be your kid's choice but if she's/he's receiving big time offers, you need to step in help your child process what it all means.

I have written many times that I am a fan of the new rules, despite my kid committing under the old rules. She committed early and years later as we prepare to see her off, I think it remains the best school for her in many, many ways. But even though I think it has worked out incredibly well, she would have been better-suited to understand the process a year later. She endured a lot of stress going through it and that took me by surprise - "why are you so stressed? This is really positive? You are going to play D1 soccer! These schools want you! Isn't that incredible?" But it was a big burden and she did feel direct pressure from a finalist (which pissed me off but I understood the "why" behind it and given her playing position, despite being a "buyer" player, it was a coach's way of flipping the script). The most important decision of her life to date and one of the most important decisions she will ever make . . . it was my folly to think it would not be stressful (really myopic).

I'm excited for all of your kids and I hope they have opportunities and make choices that are thrilling. And for the ones who may not have their phones ringing off the hook - just use this time to research and learn. Learning = maturity in my mind and that maturity will serve their ultimate decisions really, really well.
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Sage!!!
 
Simisoccerfan said:
College is expensive! I should know I have three kids in college right now. I guess if you truly do not need the money being nice and letting the coach know that is a good thing. But I don't think it ill improve your chance of getting on offer to be on the team. Either a coach wants your kid or they don't. I am not advocating negiotiating like you are buying a car or a house. But there is zero harm in asking if they can make the offer better and then being silent until they answer. Either they will offer something more or say they don't have more to offer. Also you don't even attempt to negiotiate until after you have the offer. So up until that point of the offer the coach doesn't even know how easy you will be to get.
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Completely agree. We didn’t need my daughter’s scholarship (merit), but we certainly didn’t turn it down. Whether athletically and/or academically, if they earn the money, they should get it. If nothing else, you can use the money saved to travel to more of her games, buy something, or retire early— or give some of the money to her for her saving you money (in addition to free tuition, my daughter gets a pretty good amount of cash each semester that we let her keep). Most D1s have people getting little to no money, so the offer of her not needing scholarship money likely won’t change her chances of being recruited much if at all, but it could cost you money out of your pocket.
 
SD_Soccer said:
Completely agree. We didn’t need my daughter’s scholarship (merit), but we certainly didn’t turn it down. Whether athletically and/or academically, if they earn the money, they should get it. If nothing else, you can use the money saved to travel to more of her games, buy something, or retire early— or give some of the money to her for her saving you money (in addition to free tuition, my daughter gets a pretty good amount of cash each semester that we let her keep). Most D1s have people getting little to no money, so the offer of her not needing scholarship money likely won’t change her chances of being recruited much if at all, but it could cost you money out of your pocket.
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Well, that's kind of my point. If there's little to no money anyway, or at least not enough to make it all that worthwhile, is it not maybe an advantage to let a coach know 1/4 or 1/2 of a scholarship is not a deal breaker?
 
The Outlaw said:
Well, that's kind of my point. If there's little to no money anyway, or at least not enough to make it all that worthwhile, is it not maybe an advantage to let a coach know 1/4 or 1/2 of a scholarship is not a deal breaker?
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The point is your kid is not the seller in this transaction advertising their price or putting a discount tag on themselves. They are the buyer. The coach starts the process and sets the price with their offer. You then can take it, leave it or see if it can be sweetened. Even a 1/4 scholarship at an out of state school could add up to $40k over 4 years.
 
Simisoccerfan said:
The point is your kid is not the seller in this transaction advertising their price or putting a discount tag on themselves. They are the buyer. The coach starts the process and sets the price with their offer. You then can take it, leave it or see if it can be sweetened. Even a 1/4 scholarship at an out of state school could add up to $40k over 4 years.
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Is that on the phone or is there time to date a little without feeling pressure to decide now or never? My dd went through the process with some of her highly skilled friends back then and it was what DK said, "Pressure." 80% of the girls never fulfilled their verbal in the old days. Wake up people and make it better.
 
Ellejustus said:
Is that on the phone or is there time to date a little without feeling pressure to decide now or never? My dd went through the process with some of her highly skilled friends back then and it was what DK said, "Pressure." 80% of the girls never fulfilled their verbal in the old days. Wake up people and make it better.
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I would think usually the offer is not made on the first date.
 
The Outlaw said:
Let me play devil's advocate. What about letting the coach know, early in the process, that you aren't totally dependent on a scholarship? I know your kid ended up at her dream school, and I have no idea what that entire process entailed, but having been through it... do you see value in making your kid be an easier "get" for a coach if he knows early that you won't necessarily cost him anything versus a kid that wants to negotiate?
Click to expand...
I disagree with the others to some extent. If your player is a great student but maybe a little lower on the recruitment list, they may secure attention by a coach that has to also weigh his teams GPA in the equation. Also, giving kiddos a preferred walk on status is a way to get them into their school of choice.
 
Simisoccerfan said:
The point is your kid is not the seller in this transaction advertising their price or putting a discount tag on themselves. They are the buyer. The coach starts the process and sets the price with their offer. You then can take it, leave it or see if it can be sweetened. Even a 1/4 scholarship at an out of state school could add up to $40k over 4 years.
Click to expand...
Agree. And take the $40k, and consider it is after tax money. So the money you earned to get $40k in your pocket is well over $50k (or the loan your daughter takes our will cost well over $40k to pay it off). Why pass up free money when it will not likely help your daughter’s chances (certainly not by very much) of being recruited by a school?
 
Simisoccerfan said:
I would think usually the offer is not made on the first date.
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Well, I was a participate looking from the inside and who didn;t let my dd go through the pressure cooker in 8th grade. I was told many were waiting but they can;t call us. Jrs feel the pressure as we speak and I'm sure many 8th and 9th graders did too, maybe even more. Most of the dates were a phone call wishing them a hbday and they they need a decision because #2 and #3 are waiting if so and so is a no. Again, if your about school first, coach, program and playing time last, go for it on the first date at 12:02pm June 15th. Anyone go verbal yet? I think it's best to take those three visits and try and sell each other if it's a right fit.
 
Simisoccerfan said:
College is expensive! I should know I have three kids in college right now. I guess if you truly do not need the money being nice and letting the coach know that is a good thing. But I don't think it ill improve your chance of getting on offer to be on the team. Either a coach wants your kid or they don't. I am not advocating negiotiating like you are buying a car or a house. But there is zero harm in asking if they can make the offer better and then being silent until they answer. Either they will offer something more or say they don't have more to offer. Also you don't even attempt to negiotiate until after you have the offer. So up until that point of the offer the coach doesn't even know how easy you will be to get.
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This is all good stuff. Thanks for sharing your experience.
 
dk_b said:
Some advice (based on own experience and speaking with college coaches I know but whose schools were not in the mix for my kid): as hard as it is, try to let your kid lead the process. It's tough when they are young and there will be times when you (i) want to help with an email or (ii) listen in on a call but the coaches want to hear from the player. When they ask, "so what do you want to study in college?", don't worry if your kid sounds like a 15- or 16-year-old if she/he is a 15- or 16-year-old. There is no "right" answer - the coaches are just trying to engage the player. Heck, my daughter made a real blunder (and I nearly jumped through the phone to pull her words back) but the coach laughed because she just did not know any better. It's kinda like when they watch your kid play - all the parents are worried about mistakes and hopeful a coach saw a goal or a save when, in reality, coaches don't expect perfection (even from the elite players - I mean, Messi makes mistakes) and are watching much more than the obvious successes or "failures". The same thing applies when they talk on the phone or in person - unless your kid says, "I'm not interested in your school", or conveys that, it's ok to sit back and listen.
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All good stuff and thanks for sharing. Very helpful.
 
SD_Soccer said:
Agree. And take the $40k, and consider it is after tax money. So the money you earned to get $40k in your pocket is well over $50k (or the loan your daughter takes our will cost well over $40k to pay it off). Why pass up free money when it will not likely help your daughter’s chances (certainly not by very much) of being recruited by a school?
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Or get paid back the $40,000 you paid to play club soccer so you could say hi to the coach.
 
shales1002 said:
Revenue is down. What I have learned since June 15th is that college coaches may be reducing roster sizes not necessarily the size of the scholarships. Less numbers on teams seems to be what I’m hearing. Smaller recruiting classes. Instead of 8 recruits it now maybe 4.
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Thanks for the tip. Tip line is helpful for all. So the days of 35+ Unicorns on one team is over?
 
shales1002 said:
Revenue is down. What I have learned since June 15th is that college coaches may be reducing roster sizes not necessarily the size of the scholarships. Less numbers on teams seems to be what I’m hearing. Smaller recruiting classes. Instead of 8 recruits it now maybe 4.
Click to expand...
When you say "reducing roster sizes not necessarily the size of the scholarship" do mean they will offer fewer scholarships than the 14 they currently have available, but won't reduce the size of the scholarships they do offer? Thanks!
 
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