Balancing a heavy school workload and high level soccer.. Reasonable accommodation requests?

[Slow Jamin]

Sorry, but something sounds off to me. Is it taking your daughter 12 hours or so to do a project that was assigned that day, and due the next day? Either that teacher is insane, and you should have a talk with the principal, or she might need to modify her work habits.

Yes, it has occurred that the teacher has assigned what should be multi-day projects and required her kids to have them in by the next morning. I do feel that the teacher is insane. For example, she arrived home from school at 4 PM. Worked on the new assignment for 2 hours, went to training at 6 PM and returned to working on the same assignment at 8:35 until 3 AM to complete it in on time. According to her, the majority of her classmates were unable to complete the assignment because of the excessive time demands of the assignment.

 

[Grace T.]

Yes, it has occurred that the teacher has assigned what should be multi-day projects and required her kids to have them in by the next morning. I do feel that the teacher is insane. For example, she arrived home from school at 4 PM. Worked on the new assignment for 2 hours, went to training at 6 PM and returned to working on the same assignment at 8:35 until 3 AM to complete it in on time. According to her, the majority of her classmates were unable to complete the assignment because of the excessive time demands of the assignment.

Might very well be insane but (if not necessarily the majority) it also isn't unheard of in advanced academic classes. As I mentioned, as a college interviewer for an Ivy, I hear these stories day in and day out from virtually all the students I interview that come from high performing schools (both public and private). My goddaughter by 10th grade would often be working till 2am (falling asleep by the fireplace) on her homework after she got home from her sports (track), charity work and science extracurriculars.

 

[chargerfan]

Yes, it has occurred that the teacher has assigned what should be multi-day projects and required her kids to have them in by the next morning. I do feel that the teacher is insane. For example, she arrived home from school at 4 PM. Worked on the new assignment for 2 hours, went to training at 6 PM and returned to working on the same assignment at 8:35 until 3 AM to complete it in on time. According to her, the majority of her classmates were unable to complete the assignment because of the excessive time demands of the assignment.

My advice is to reach out to the other parents, and together go to the teacher first, then the principal. Also, I would send my child to class with half-completed assignment and a note saying I will not allow her to stay up past 9-10 for homework. Her physical and mental well being is your responsibility.

 

[Slow Jamin]

Might very well be insane but (if not necessarily the majority) it also isn't unheard of in advanced academic classes. As I mentioned, as a college interviewer for an Ivy, I hear these stories day in and day out from virtually all the students I interview that come from high performing schools (both public and private). My goddaughter by 10th grade would often be working till 2am (falling asleep by the fireplace) on her homework after she got home from her sports (track), charity work and science extracurriculars.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences with me. I am trying to understand all perspectives regarding our challenges and how to best manage the situation. If she were to devote herself to the absolute 100% max scholastically (taking Honor's/AP coursework at a highly challenging High School), she would probably need to drop down to recreational level soccer. Then again, the top 20 schools would most likely be beyond our budget...?

 

[Grace T.]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences with me. I am trying to understand all perspectives regarding our challenges and how to best manage the situation. If she were to devote herself to the absolute 100% max scholastically (taking Honor's/AP coursework at a highly challenging High School), she would probably need to drop down to recreational level soccer. Then again, the top 20 schools would most likely be beyond our budget...?

You'd be surprised re the budget and top 20. It's hard to say without knowing your finances, and it definitely will cost you, but if they admit you, most of the top 20 will try and make it work for you. She might need to work and she and you will be in debt up the wazoo but if admitted, they will try and make it work because they want to keep their admit ratios (those kids that are offered a slot and say yes) high since it affects their rankings.

As I said, soccer isn't that important for the top 20 unless she plans to go on and play soccer there. But she will need to do something. That something should ideally be something she is passionate about and plans to continue on in college. In addition, she will need to check the box on the sports, social, and charity categories (where people get the "well rounded" thing from) but she doesn't need to perform high there. That something will also need to be something pretty impressive. True story: I once had a guy the admit committee was really interested in. We hit it off and went to the same high school. He was a writer and was really passionate about it, and even brought me his novel in progress. He had recs from his English teacher, and had done many writing academies. We talked about all sorts of literature. Then I got into the pro forma questions. What is your intended major: economics. What is your intended career: want to go to Wall Street. Needless to say it got highlighted in my report and no doubt set off alarm bells with the admissions committee.

However, if she is going to be applying to a soccer college and plans to play on a team, that's an entirely different route and then soccer should very well be the priority perhaps with a few honors and AP classes in her favorite fields but not necessarily the full AP load.

 

[JJP]

If my kid had a teacher that regularly gave him 6 hrs of homework per night I would talk to the principal and have him drop that class, and if that's not possible, I would change his high school.

How is it even possible to study 6 hrs. for one subject?

 

[Multi Sport]

Welcome to the new normal... your daughter is developing a great work ethic that will take her far in life.

I stayed up many late nights with my DD helping her study but it payed off in the end.

Enjoy the ride.

 

[Grace T.]

Th If she were to devote herself to the absolute 100% max scholastically (taking Honor's/AP coursework at a highly challenging High School), she would probably need to drop down to recreational level soccer.

p.s. for the private top 20s going to a challenging high school isn't necessarily a good thing. There's a saying among recruiters that Harvard University could take its admits 100% from a handful of elite schools like Philips Andover on the East Coast and Harvard Westlake on the West. There are some schools that are magnets for really high academic performers. The problem is you are competing against all the people that go to those magnet schools for slots that are limited, because the private top 20s don't want to take everyone from the same school. It depends on the school (not to mention the region of the country....getting into an Ivy from North Dakota is easier, for example, than from either New York or California), but you might be better off being a big fish in a smaller pond than coming from a highly competitive highly challenging high school so long as you can get the required AP courses in that smaller pond and you have that "hook" that wows the admission committee.

 

[NoGoal]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences with me. I am trying to understand all perspectives regarding our challenges and how to best manage the situation. If she were to devote herself to the absolute 100% max scholastically (taking Honor's/AP coursework at a highly challenging High School), she would probably need to drop down to recreational level soccer. Then again, the top 20 schools would most likely be beyond our budget...?

Or don't have your player play for a DA team this fall....4-5 days of club practice IMO is overkill to play college soccer. Instead have her play for a non-DA team....Those 2-3 additional days she can devote to her academic studies, which is more important than club soccer.

 

[mirage]

Yes, it has occurred that the teacher has assigned what should be multi-day projects and required her kids to have them in by the next morning. I do feel that the teacher is insane. For example, she arrived home from school at 4 PM. Worked on the new assignment for 2 hours, went to training at 6 PM and returned to working on the same assignment at 8:35 until 3 AM to complete it in on time. According to her, the majority of her classmates were unable to complete the assignment because of the excessive time demands of the assignment.

What subject is this class??? At 8th grade, the only accelerated classes I can recall (maybe my kids school district thing...) are math, science and Spanish that resulted in HS credit. All other so called advanced classes were just 8th grade advance classes. Anything other than that, kids had to goto HS and take those classes at zero-th period.

Also, you now have three pages of advices and opinions from fellow forum-dwellers. Comments ranging from do nothing and suck it up (mine), to talk to the PTA/Principal, to soccer coach about relief. Also change school popped up, along with acknowledgement that 8th grade had the most homework (btw, for my kid, it was in the 4th grade, relatively speaking, that had the most HW) than HS. Thread got onto applying to top 20, and cost of private institutions as a sidebar. And finally, your struggle with your kid may have to drop to rec from ECNL if she pursue those high academic options.

(Will note that most top 20s are well funded and their endowments allows for needs based offsets. Income range can go into over $200k/yr and still have some type of offset, depending on the college. Many for income less than $70K~$80K/yr gets a full ride so there is a scale for you. Also every school has, by federal law, "online calculator" that you can guesstimate what might cost you.)

My last advice on the subject. The thing I value the most as kids are growing up, for their future and into adulthood, is having more options available. Each year, some of the options may go away. What I mean by that is any decision you make today can propagate and change the outcome in the future years. Also each year, there is the student's academic performance. This will definitely change available options, if grades drop and as the trend is formed. So start with end in mind and work backwards to see what it takes to get you there.

Just to be rhetorical, since you sound like someone that thinks thing through, so you probably already have thought this but.... Using your example, not doing AP classes or do the very minimal, is chosen. Lets fast forward and its now time to apply for colleges. Every school I know wants students that challenge themselves and not take the easy way out. The transcript will show that the student has high GPA but really didn't challenge herself because the admissions staff knows what AP/IB/Honors classes are offered in the district or the school. Now they'll look for "why not." If the answer is because she played soccer and is on the national team pool, and she is recruited by the college you're applying, that's one thing. Its a totally another thing if she's just applying. I think you get the point. By not doing AP, you may have eliminated desirable options and have to look for lesser alternatives, in this example. This is the hard part about parenting and thinking it through about what the unintended consequences from earlier decisions made today will have in the future.

Good luck.

 

[Grace T.]

My last advice on the subject. The thing I value the most as kids are growing up, for their future and into adulthood, is having more options available. Each year, some of the options may go away. What I mean by that is any decision you make today can propagate and change the outcome in the future years. Also each year, there is the student's academic performance. This will definitely change available options, if grades drop and as the trend is formed. So start with end in mind and work backwards to see what it takes to get you there.

.

I wish I could "like" your post 1000xs. It's very good advice, and you stated it far better than I ever could. I often point out to the college kids I interview that life works that way...as you move on doors close. And even with 2 elementary kids it's something that I've already started to struggle with. To do club soccer, my son had to close a door....he had to drop competitive chess....he was sad about it, but there simply weren't enough hours in the day to do all the activities he wants plus keep up with academics. Thank you for your post...you really spoke to me as well.

 

[younothat]

How do you know when there is a problem?

When your own kids are afraid of you, walking on pins and needles most of the the time. Living in fear is know way to live for young people.

My teen kids have friends who are basically afraid of there parent reactions to anything negative. They will hang out or basically try to hide things from them, my spouse is a very supportive, non-judgmental, children come first type of mom that's very spiritual. She encourages independence, freedom, free thinking, and gives guidance only when asked for the most part. I'm more of the the order one who pushes and gives opinions more, some of the kid friends look to her in their times of need because they can't talk it through with there own parents.

You have to know how much to push and when to let things go there natural course. I can push my kids even more to get better short term result in something but in the long term I'm not sure that would do them any good. Sometimes they/we need help from friends,mentors, tutors, private coaches, spiritual advisers but we don't feel like that should be the new normal. Normal should not be conformity or living up to a standard somebody else sets for you, or what everybody else is going for. Normal should be what they make of it not what you want for them. Trying to do too much doesn't make for happy well adjusted kids IMO, they will find there own conformable levels or not regardless

 

[chargerfan]

How do you know when there is a problem?

When your own kids are afraid of you, walking on pins and needles most of the the time. Living in fear is know way to live for young people.

My teen kids have friends who are basically afraid of there parent reactions to anything negative. They will hang out or basically try to hide things from them, my spouse is a very supportive, non-judgmental, children come first type of mom that's very spiritual. She encourages independence, freedom, free thinking, and gives guidance only when asked for the most part. I'm more of the the order one who pushes and gives opinions more, some of the kid friends look to her in their times of need because they can't talk it through with there own parents.

You have to know how much to push and when to let things go there natural course. I can push my kids even more to get better short term result in something but in the long term I'm not sure that would do them any good. Sometimes they/we need help from friends,mentors, tutors, private coaches, spiritual advisers but we don't feel like that should be the new normal. Normal should not be conformity or living up to a standard somebody else sets for you, or what everybody else is going for. Normal should be what they make of it not what you want for them. Trying to do too much doesn't make for happy well adjusted kids IMO, they will find there own conformable levels or not regardless

At some point it all backfires. I have seen many kids who do very dumb things in high school rebeling against strict parents, or in college once they are away from them. Living in fear of your parents reactions to anything negative, mixed with the intense need to please them, doesn't lead to anything good. Either they rebel like I mentioned, or they become depressed and anxiety-ridden. I don't want to make assumptions, like I'm sure yonothat didn't, but I do see a lot of tiger parenting lately and I think it's something a lot of us have to work at to keep in check.

 

[Slow Jamin]

If my kid had a teacher that regularly gave him 6 hrs of homework per night I would talk to the principal and have him drop that class, and if that's not possible, I would change his high school.

How is it even possible to study 6 hrs. for one subject?

Again, this is not a nightly occurrence with our DD. It is not studying for tests and spending 6 hours. Occasionally she will receive 6-10 page essay style assignments where she is required to read 50 pages of a book and have 1 night to get everything done.

 

[fudbaler]

So this is our first go around with having a high-level 8th grade soccer player that is also a straight A student. Our ultimate concern is that her present and future school workload of 2-6 hours of nightly assignments necessary to maintain her straight A's will ultimately lead to sleep deprivation (it is not unusual for her to be up past 11:30/12 at night with a 6 AM wakeup time) and thus make her more prone to injuries and/or burnout. I am considering approaching her teachers to extend the deadlines of her assignments and/or complain about the amount of work that is assigned. Is this normal and just a bitter pill that she will need to swallow or are there other measures that can be taken to have the best of both worlds - straight A's, energy for soccer training, and 7+ hours of sleep nightly? In order for her to be as efficient with her time as possible, I am already picking her up from school and having her complete her assignments at the kitchen table while eating and removing the smartphone from her room. She is also devoting 15-20 hours on weekends to school as well. If I may ask those who gone down this road before, how did you make it work for your kid when they had a crazy heavy school workload? Homeschooling, have them take easier classes, etc?

We viewed the priorities as follows:

1. Health/well being/social life
2. Academics
3. ECNL Club Soccer
4. HS Varsity Soccer

When the balance between these is messed up and 3. negatively impacts 1. and 2. then 3. gets the ax. And for our older 3. started messing with 1. and then 2. so it got the ax before Jr year in HS after 2 seasons of ECNL. 4. Survived all 4 years in HS. It was the toughest and best decision we had to make as parents. She'll be off to study Comp Sci this fall with 30%-40% of her 4 year degree completed w a month long trip to Europe w her bffs this summer and plans for some study abroad during college. Soccer served its purpose until it didn't.

 

[chargerfan]

We viewed the priorities as follows:

1. Health/well being/social life
2. Academics
3. ECNL Club Soccer
4. HS Varsity Soccer

When the balance between these is messed up and 3. negatively impacts 1. and 2. then 3. gets the ax. And for our older 3. started messing with 1. and then 2. so it got the ax before Jr year in HS after 2 seasons of ECNL. 4. Survived all 4 years in HS. It was the toughest and best decision we had to make as parents. She'll be off to study Comp Sci this fall with 30%-40% of her 4 year degree completed w a month long trip to Europe w her bffs this summer and plans for some study abroad during college. Soccer served its purpose until it didn't.

She was lucky to have parents with their priorities in check! Good luck to her!

 

[Deadpoolscores!]

So this is our first go around with having a high-level 8th grade soccer player that is also a straight A student. Our ultimate concern is that her present and future school workload of 2-6 hours of nightly assignments necessary to maintain her straight A's will ultimately lead to sleep deprivation (it is not unusual for her to be up past 11:30/12 at night with a 6 AM wakeup time) and thus make her more prone to injuries and/or burnout. I am considering approaching her teachers to extend the deadlines of her assignments and/or complain about the amount of work that is assigned. Is this normal and just a bitter pill that she will need to swallow or are there other measures that can be taken to have the best of both worlds - straight A's, energy for soccer training, and 7+ hours of sleep nightly? In order for her to be as efficient with her time as possible, I am already picking her up from school and having her complete her assignments at the kitchen table while eating and removing the smartphone from her room. She is also devoting 15-20 hours on weekends to school as well. If I may ask those who gone down this road before, how did you make it work for your kid when they had a crazy heavy school workload? Homeschooling, have them take easier classes, etc?

I personally went to the teachers and requested homework, projects etc. ahead of time. Weekends allowed my DD to be ahead of schedule. I also was heavily involved in her school work and help her learn to be efficient with her work. As a special treat I take her to get a peti/mani to help her get a little stress relief. So far she has been able to keep her straight A, but I always remind her that it's ok to step back from soccer when necessary. I also spoke to the coach and he understood if there are days she would need to take a day off. The coach had no problem with it because he had a DD that was in a similar situation.

 

[sandshark]

We viewed the priorities as follows:

1. Health/well being/social life
2. Academics
3. ECNL Club Soccer
4. HS Varsity Soccer

When the balance between these is messed up and 3. negatively impacts 1. and 2. then 3. gets the ax. And for our older 3. started messing with 1. and then 2. so it got the ax before Jr year in HS after 2 seasons of ECNL. 4. Survived all 4 years in HS. It was the toughest and best decision we had to make as parents. She'll be off to study Comp Sci this fall with 30%-40% of her 4 year degree completed w a month long trip to Europe w her bffs this summer and plans for some study abroad during college. Soccer served its purpose until it didn't.

Best yet!
When your neck deep in the ride It is hard for some to see the negative impact youth soccer imposes on their families, children's social life, academics and even their health. A lot of these young athletes are being physically and mentally over worked! Todays youth soccer seems to hold zero value for family time or especially the impact youth soccer has on a childs academics!
Most of the coaches are literally winging it when it comes to actual health and fitness, they don't have a clue on what is a truly reasonable and responsible training program when it comes to your childs developing bodies. And we are allowing it for the sake of challenging our childs coach. Here is a good example...how many times have you watched a coach start to run the team and really push the girls physically a week or two before a big tournament? Seriously you think in 3-6 sessions over one to two weeks and your girls body is going to be ready for a "big tournament" give me a break not even close! It actually does the exact opposite and to top it all off non of them understand a real recovery time needed for athletes much less adolescent athletes!!!! Don't kid yourself his is all 100% about the money.

 

[JJP]

Again, this is not a nightly occurrence with our DD. It is not studying for tests and spending 6 hours. Occasionally she will receive 6-10 page essay style assignments where she is required to read 50 pages of a book and have 1 night to get everything done.

Writing a 10 page essay after reading what I am going to assume is a dense 50 pages in one night is an absurdly difficult task for an 8th grader. Doing that kind of homework as a college student would have taken me at least 3 hrs., I can easily see why your daughter spends 6 hrs. completing this task.

The problem with having a teacher like this is that, aside from exceptional students like your daughter, most kids, including my son, just can't sit still for 6 hrs. at one time. Plus, to do that assignment, they would have to fall behind on every other assignment from other classes, and they lack the time management skills to catch up. For my kid, and I'm sure for many other kids as well, to do well in that one class would require giving up all his sports and getting worse grades in every other class.

What my kid, and I'm sure most other kids would do, is turn in the assignment late and take the grade drop. It doesn't really matter for 8th grade, but in HS it would put all the kids taking that English teacher's class at a huge, unfair disadvantage when applying to colleges.