Are they really interested?

B

Bereal

BRONZE
My son, 13 Flight 1, plans to leave his team. We need a change. We were lucky to get connected to a coach on a higher team and we asked for some privates. He doesn't normally do privates but we piggy back after one of our friends who is ecnl. Anyway, he was impressed with my son and asked him to attend his trainings. My son was so excited since he isn't feeling valued on his team and his team isn't getting the coaching they should be. Honestly, this coach who is well known in socal and known to be very tough gave my son more compliments and encouragement then any coaches combined! But not in a cheesy way.

My son attended his training and did really well. He was asked back. My question is, since this coach spent 2 privates and a training wouldn't he know if he wanted him? I know offers go out early to some even before the open tryouts. We don't want to be strung along, but this would be our first pick because of this coach's reputation!! He is well respected and known.
 
Bereal said:
My son, 13 Flight 1, plans to leave his team. We need a change. We were lucky to get connected to a coach on a higher team and we asked for some privates. He doesn't normally do privates but we piggy back after one of our friends who is ecnl. Anyway, he was impressed with my son and asked him to attend his trainings. My son was so excited since he isn't feeling valued on his team and his team isn't getting the coaching they should be. Honestly, this coach who is well known in socal and known to be very tough gave my son more compliments and encouragement then any coaches combined! But not in a cheesy way.

My son attended his training and did really well. He was asked back. My question is, since this coach spent 2 privates and a training wouldn't he know if he wanted him? I know offers go out early to some even before the open tryouts. We don't want to be strung along, but this would be our first pick because of this coach's reputation!! He is well respected and known.
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Thanks for being real about your son's situation Bereal. I have a question before I give you advice. Has this coach talked about next year's team and tryouts? What's his process?
 
I'm trying not to out myself here with too much detail. My son asked after his first private if he should try out for his team since he could tell he did well. Coach said, "don't come to tryout, there's too many kids. Come to a training." I just assumed it's the same for every club nearly and that is if they are interested, they will ask you to come to training... they do usually like to see kids 2-3 times then offer.

But given the fact he had 2 privates with him already, and got to see his speed and skills in a scrimmage with team, he should know!! Or do I need to ask? I just don't want to come off desperate.
 
Bereal said:
I'm trying not to out myself here with too much detail. My son asked after his first private if he should try out for his team since he could tell he did well. Coach said, "don't come to tryout, there's too many kids. Come to a training." I just assumed it's the same for every club nearly and that is if they are interested, they will ask you to come to training... they do usually like to see kids 2-3 times then offer.

But given the fact he had 2 privates with him already, and got to see his speed and skills in a scrimmage with team, he should know!! Or do I need to ask? I just don't want to come off desperate.
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Please don't out yourself. In the old days on here, we all knew each other. It was fun and we would all help each other. I came back in 2018 to ask for help on here after being off (told by The Boss not to post on here or lurk) for three years. Instead, a few parents outed me and Doc and coaches said I was crazy for asking tough questions. Here are some things to think about.

13 years old is important time for your boy. He seems like a great kid and player. You need to call coach and just ask the question, "does my son have a spot on your team for next year?" Don't talk after that. Let him speak even if you feel awkward. Have another team as back up. My daughter got recruited a lot when she was 9-14, like every year. She was always offered a full ride if coach saw me at the fields or got my cell number somehow and offered full ride over the phone. She was only invited to check out coaches' team and practice and see if she liked it and a fit for her. The offer was already made is my point, before trainings or some coach saying, "have your child come out so I can see him play." The other question I have is there a B team and is your son ok with not starting or playing that much?
 
Bereal said:
I'm trying not to out myself here with too much detail. My son asked after his first private if he should try out for his team since he could tell he did well. Coach said, "don't come to tryout, there's too many kids. Come to a training." I just assumed it's the same for every club nearly and that is if they are interested, they will ask you to come to training... they do usually like to see kids 2-3 times then offer.

But given the fact he had 2 privates with him already, and got to see his speed and skills in a scrimmage with team, he should know!! Or do I need to ask? I just don't want to come off desperate.
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Since you've crosses the $$$ bridge and are paying for privates you're going to need to keep paying for them.

After a couple of months ask if the feedback your kid has received in the privates has allowed thek to be good enough to play on the coaches top team. This is a dance you'll need to play with him. Just make it clear that this is your end goal. If he says "not possible" you move on. If he says maybe in 6-8 months this can be considered you know what it's going to cost.
 
Carlsbad7 said:
Since you've crosses the $$$ bridge and are paying for privates you're going to need to keep paying for them.

After a couple of months ask if the feedback your kid has received in the privates has allowed thek to be good enough to play on the coaches top team. This is a dance you'll need to play with him. Just make it clear that this is your end goal. If he says "not possible" you move on. If he says maybe in 6-8 months this can be considered you know what it's going to cost.
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Dancing with coach is key to getting to the truth. Some coaches tell you want you want to hear and some will make you pay for it.
 
To Bereal, I think at this point in the dance with coach, you and your son are getting strung along. I don't like flattery to be honest. I want the truth (offer or no offer) and I don't want to have to pay $20,000 a year to find out the hard truth, which is I was lied to by coach with my kids talent ability. I know one coach in OC that helps kids develop by doing privates with them and based on that and that alone, he will help you gain access to his network of coaches around America. You will pay though. Q. Does your son want to go Pro or college or just for fun?
 
crush said:
To Bereal, I think at this point in the dance with coach, you and your son are getting strung along. I don't like flattery to be honest. I want the truth (offer or no offer) and I don't want to have to pay $20,000 a year to find out the hard truth, which is I was lied to by coach with my kids talent ability. I know one coach in OC that helps kids develop by doing privates with them and based on that and that alone, he will help you gain access to his network of coaches around America. You will pay though. Q. Does your son want to go Pro or college or just for fun?
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Thanks for advice and your time on this!!

He does want to play college. He got a late start in soccer and has worked his butt off. I think that's one of the things coach is impressed by and his natural athleticism, speed and coachable.. Coach knows he got a late start. I can see why coach might still be accessing. There is a B team, and that particular coach met my son also at the training and has contacted me 3 times. I'm not sure coach A knows this. But they were both watching and talking at scrimmage time during the training. Do they work together a lot. Not sure if coach B is poaching or working along with him in. They do share the training field ect.

This coach doesn't really do a lot of privates. Only through family friend and another coach on that club also referred us to this coach thinking my son might be ready for his team. I just don't want to be "that parent." I already texted him after training and said my son really liked it. There was no other feedback expect asking to come back. Don't want to be a "pick me!" :p
 
Carlsbad7 said:
Since you've crosses the $$$ bridge and are paying for privates you're going to need to keep paying for them.

After a couple of months ask if the feedback your kid has received in the privates has allowed thek to be good enough to play on the coaches top team. This is a dance you'll need to play with him. Just make it clear that this is your end goal. If he says "not possible" you move on. If he says maybe in 6-8 months this can be considered you know what it's going to cost.
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We definitely don't have a few months. So that won't happen. I'm happy to pay for privates since my son got a late start and is playing catchup. This coach is well respected and even getting less playing time and learning more is something we feel is worth it at this time. Thanks!
 
Bereal said:
My son, 13 Flight 1, plans to leave his team. We need a change. We were lucky to get connected to a coach on a higher team and we asked for some privates. He doesn't normally do privates but we piggy back after one of our friends who is ecnl. Anyway, he was impressed with my son and asked him to attend his trainings. My son was so excited since he isn't feeling valued on his team and his team isn't getting the coaching they should be. Honestly, this coach who is well known in socal and known to be very tough gave my son more compliments and encouragement then any coaches combined! But not in a cheesy way.

My son attended his training and did really well. He was asked back. My question is, since this coach spent 2 privates and a training wouldn't he know if he wanted him? I know offers go out early to some even before the open tryouts. We don't want to be strung along, but this would be our first pick because of this coach's reputation!! He is well respected and known.
Click to expand...
Sorry to say, but for a coach to be doing privates and having same kids on the team is a huge conflict of interest.
 
Bereal said:
Thanks for advice and your time on this!!

He does want to play college. He got a late start in soccer and has worked his butt off. I think that's one of the things coach is impressed by and his natural athleticism, speed and coachable.. Coach knows he got a late start. I can see why coach might still be accessing. There is a B team, and that particular coach met my son also at the training and has contacted me 3 times. I'm not sure coach A knows this. But they were both watching and talking at scrimmage time during the training. Do they work together a lot. Not sure if coach B is poaching or working along with him in. They do share the training field ect.

This coach doesn't really do a lot of privates. Only through family friend and another coach on that club also referred us to this coach thinking my son might be ready for his team. I just don't want to be "that parent." I already texted him after training and said my son really liked it. There was no other feedback expect asking to come back. Don't want to be a "pick me!" :p
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He needs a good coach but imho, he needs to play all the time. No sitting on the bench at this age on A team unless he likes sitting and watching other players play and then look at you with, "WTF dad, this sucks!!!" B Team and play all the time is way better. I knew a C Team player who is going to graduate college next year because of her hard work, good grades and great attitude. She went from C team to A team in two years. Top players left the club for full rides at other clubs and she was ready to make her opportunities and boy did she. Make sure he decides what team to play for or you will hear it in those car rides for a year and maybe he quits. I've seen it on the girl's side. One dad jumped at the old GDA and his kid sat on the bench most games but did get to start 25% of the time but then came out in the first half and not allowed to play again.
 
Bereal said:
We definitely don't have a few months. So that won't happen. I'm happy to pay for privates since my son got a late start and is playing catchup. This coach is well respected and even getting less playing time and learning more is something we feel is worth it at this time. Thanks!
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That's what you're both saying now but hear me on this. If your kid is bench at best with A Team and then hates it, then what? A drop to the B Team and egg on his face with all his peers on the A team and at school. Yes, B team is happy, and those parents will welcome you with open arms. The kid that went from B team up to A Team (always a switch, and yes both coaches have a plan for your kid). One kid is stoked, and another kid feels depleted and can get bullied. Trust me, kids and parents brag about this stuff. Tread lightly but of course, live and learn. My advice as a former coach myself and a player, kids want to play and not ride the pine.
 
crush said:
He needs a good coach but imho, he needs to play all the time. No sitting on the bench at this age on A team unless he likes sitting and watching other players play and then look at you with, "WTF dad, this sucks!!!" B Team and play all the time is way better. I knew a C Team player who is going to graduate college next year because of her hard work, good grades and great attitude. She went from C team to A team in two years. Top players left the club for full rides at other clubs and she was ready to make her opportunities and boy did she. Make sure he decides what team to play for or you will hear it in those car rides for a year and maybe he quits. I've seen it on the girl's side. One dad jumped at the old GDA and his kid sat on the bench most games but did get to start 25% of the time but then came out in the first half and not allowed to play again.
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This is excellent advice!!! Thank you.
 
Bereal said:
This is excellent advice!!! Thank you.
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It's what I'm here for and it's free. I had a few dads stick by me over the years and they will be rewarded for their support and they 100% understood the truth of what happen to my precious child in youth soccer and have DM many times letting me know they support me, and many have thanked me privately for speaking up. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am 100% here to be real with my fellow parents bro. Keep us posted and 100% hope everything works out for your boy. You're a good and brave father to come on here. I had a dad out me on here and dox me for asking questions about the kickback business in youth soccer and pay for play and pay to stay road games. I got email from someone a few years ago letting me know "they" know where I live and basically it would be best to keep my big mouth shut on this forum. I told them to Fuck Off and go pound sand. Then I had a dad threaten me to a fight at Silverlakes all because. Another guy that was banned for life on here named EOTL threaten me and my daughter for speaking out on cheating, lying with dirty kickback schemes and sex for play time shit and it just got worse as I went down the rabbit hole with my shovel and flashlight on my helmet of salvation. The stuff I uncovered would make Varsity Blues like cupcakes compared to the goings on behind the dark doors of youth soccer. This is big business on both sides of the boys and the girls. The good news is these cheaters got punked by Trump and none of the men can play with girls on the WNT.
 
Bereal said:
Thanks for advice and your time on this!!

He does want to play college. He got a late start in soccer and has worked his butt off. I think that's one of the things coach is impressed by and his natural athleticism, speed and coachable.. Coach knows he got a late start. I can see why coach might still be accessing. There is a B team, and that particular coach met my son also at the training and has contacted me 3 times. I'm not sure coach A knows this. But they were both watching and talking at scrimmage time during the training. Do they work together a lot. Not sure if coach B is poaching or working along with him in. They do share the training field ect.

This coach doesn't really do a lot of privates. Only through family friend and another coach on that club also referred us to this coach thinking my son might be ready for his team. I just don't want to be "that parent." I already texted him after training and said my son really liked it. There was no other feedback expect asking to come back. Don't want to be a "pick me!" :p
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Depending on the club I wouldn’t be surprised if the two coaches are sharing notes and sorting out where everyone is placed together. I have seen that before and there’s nothing wrong with your son asking the coach where he sees him fitting in. The trade off is your son has to be prepared for any answer that might follow.
 
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