Made the Flight 1 A Team - mistake or suck it up?

Mystery Train said:
We did one season on that team and then changed clubs the following year. As far as I know, the situation on that team never really got better until after several coaching changes and some of the more toxic parents left. But that took a long time and it wouldn't have been worth it to stay. In hindsight, it still wasn't necessarily the wrong thing to put her on that team. Like I said, she learned a lot from the experience. It made her stronger. Knowing what I know now, with my younger son, we would do some things differently if he decides club soccer is something he wants to do. #1. Handle the "youngers" years (below 14) as a totally separate phase from the "olders" (14 and up) years. #2. Take all the time necessary to find a great coach who is the right fit for him in those youngers years and try to stay with him/her. #3. COMPLETELY avoid the big club/A-team/"Elite"/"Premier"/ team ranking craziness in the youngers phase. It's worthless. Develop the skills in those years, and IF the player has the physical gifts, when the player is 14 or 15, there WILL be a place for him/her on an elite team. Always. And if the player doesn't have the gifts or can't get on an elite level team by that age, well, it just wasn't meant to be and you wouldn't have wasted all those developing years stressing out over wins and losses. Just my .02, but I have seen ZERO advantage to being on top level teams younger than 14 in the long run for players. At the younger ages, it's all about finding the right coach. If you don't even know who the coach is for this A team, there is absolutely no way to know if it's a good fit for your kid. We've seen some downright terrible coaches coaching the top age group team at big clubs, and great ones coaching B and C teams. Now, the priorities are a bit different for HS age players who want to play college because of the emphasis on exposure (which is why everyone kept asking you what age). So take that into consideration if your kid is currently a freshman or a sophomore. In that case, playing on a top level team will help with her profile and the joylessness of the team will not affect her nearly as much because she's mature enough to put more focus on handling her own business. In theory, of course...every kid is different.
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What a thorough, non hostile, informative and true post. Great post MT!!
 
I would find the best situation for you DD, make sure she is happy and feels welcomed by the team and the coach.
Always AT ALL AGES make it fun first!
 
I kind of look at it like a job. My young DS was not doing great on a pre-academy team, but he was out there working on it and trying to figure it out. I tried to suffer in silence and did as I saw him trying to figure things out, and a lot of times I almost left for somewhere closer with probably not very good training and definitely worse parents. But no one told him us to go despite what I told myself over and over about what my son could and couldn't do. But like a job, he kept on just going out there doing his own thing. And he's still way under 14 and has time. And after a while he's starting to figure things out - we talked, I sometimes yelled, we talked, his mom talked to him. We've all been there. He said he didn't want to leave. But kids never do, do they? They don't understand leaving a job and going to a new one - we barely get that as adults, right. A good coach once said that a kid stays if he's improving and he likes it. If he leaves then we don't want unhappy people here anyway. As parents we forget that part. As far as toxic environments go, yeah, that ruins everything. It took a while on our team, but we tell the new parents to shut up on the sidelines.
 
LilStriker said:
Thanks - any tips on how to go about that? Never been in this situation before and honestly wouldn't even know what to say to the coach. Who's even to say that they'll take her on the B team - it's pretty full.

Also, even though I know the right answer is to just switch teams - possibly clubs, part of me still wants to try and hold out to see if things get better or if we can help be part of the change - DD says she can handle it but I can tell it's wearing. Like I mentioned before, outside of this craziness, I think most of the parents are actually really good people. There are even a few who I actually really like, but I think their way of surviving is mostly just to avoid everybody, LOL. sigh.
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I'll admit that I skimmed some of the posts. What I read from you was that you have parents yelling at the kids (I assume its not just "Way to go Suzi.") It sounds like you have a weak coach and/or manager. There is absolutely no room in youth sports for parents to "criticize" any player that isn't their own. Moreover, parents should not be instructing their own players during practice or the games. Having parents sitting around talking amongst themselves is one thing. Saying shit so the kids can hear is intolerable.

Talk to the coach and manager. Explain what you have heard and the unacceptable comments. Ask the Coach to have a "coming to Jesus" meeting with the parents and explain the Code of Conduct for your club/CSL/SCDSL/Cal South. If it continues, politely asked to be assigned to the B team and/or refunded your money because the Coach has no control of the parents.

Given your name "lilstriker" and what appears to be your newness to Club soccer, I'm going to assume your daughter plays on what we refer to as a u-little team (7v7 or even 9v9). Here is the deal, parents of the U12 and under crowd are delusional and crazy. They think their prepubescent kid playing on the A team makes them good parents. Little do they know that puberty is a cruel mistress and the genetic recipe they gave their kid will mean much more once the growth stops vertically and starts horizontally (U13 and U14), by U15 most of those A club kids will be out of soccer.

Your job as a parent is to provide your kid an opportunity to play soccer and have fun. Once the game is no longer fun, all but a few select few of kids lose interest. That said, you would be amazed at how much abuse these kids can take and keep on moving forward. My son, a GK, remembers hearing a teammates parent once chastise his striker son for not taking a shot during a scrimmage with the words "Hey, take the shot, its "MY SON'S NAME" in goal, he can't stop your shots." I heard it, the boy heard it. He still remembers it, but takes it as a challenge.
 
MWN said:
I'll admit that I skimmed some of the posts. What I read from you was that you have parents yelling at the kids (I assume its not just "Way to go Suzi.") It sounds like you have a weak coach and/or manager. There is absolutely no room in youth sports for parents to "criticize" any player that isn't their own. Moreover, parents should not be instructing their own players during practice or the games. Having parents sitting around talking amongst themselves is one thing. Saying shit so the kids can hear is intolerable.

Talk to the coach and manager. Explain what you have heard and the unacceptable comments. Ask the Coach to have a "coming to Jesus" meeting with the parents and explain the Code of Conduct for your club/CSL/SCDSL/Cal South. If it continues, politely asked to be assigned to the B team and/or refunded your money because the Coach has no control of the parents.

Given your name "lilstriker" and what appears to be your newness to Club soccer, I'm going to assume your daughter plays on what we refer to as a u-little team (7v7 or even 9v9). Here is the deal, parents of the U12 and under crowd are delusional and crazy. They think their prepubescent kid playing on the A team makes them good parents. Little do they know that puberty is a cruel mistress and the genetic recipe they gave their kid will mean much more once the growth stops vertically and starts horizontally (U13 and U14), by U15 most of those A club kids will be out of soccer.

Your job as a parent is to provide your kid an opportunity to play soccer and have fun. Once the game is no longer fun, all but a few select few of kids lose interest. That said, you would be amazed at how much abuse these kids can take and keep on moving forward. My son, a GK, remembers hearing a teammates parent once chastise his striker son for not taking a shot during a scrimmage with the words "Hey, take the shot, its "MY SON'S NAME" in goal, he can't stop your shots." I heard it, the boy heard it. He still remembers it, but takes it as a challenge.
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Great post. I am thankful someone touched on the fact that you shouldn't want to play for a Coach that can't control his sidelines. Coaches that can't control parents usually also have issues with favoritism and inappropriate conversations and relationships. Toxic parents don't change but when they are held to a standard they sure can.
If the issue is the culture there are options. PM me if you need help :) @LilStriker.
This post was so true everyone. Puberty has wrecked my girls age group and we are just getting started. The two stars at 9-10- and by stars I mean the two top players that could be on any team from Blues to Surf are non factors now. Small, technical but their parents are 5'3 and the girls speed isn't helping them anymore. It's crazy and honestly hard to see them not starting or just being sad- working so hard but yet the writing is on the wall at the "top level" whatever that is.
Enjoy the moments but also recognize when the environment is affecting your kid. It's not about our egos it's about what's best for them.
 
MWN said:
I'll admit that I skimmed some of the posts. What I read from you was that you have parents yelling at the kids (I assume its not just "Way to go Suzi.") It sounds like you have a weak coach and/or manager. There is absolutely no room in youth sports for parents to "criticize" any player that isn't their own. Moreover, parents should not be instructing their own players during practice or the games. Having parents sitting around talking amongst themselves is one thing. Saying shit so the kids can hear is intolerable.

Talk to the coach and manager. Explain what you have heard and the unacceptable comments. Ask the Coach to have a "coming to Jesus" meeting with the parents and explain the Code of Conduct for your club/CSL/SCDSL/Cal South. If it continues, politely asked to be assigned to the B team and/or refunded your money because the Coach has no control of the parents.

Given your name "lilstriker" and what appears to be your newness to Club soccer, I'm going to assume your daughter plays on what we refer to as a u-little team (7v7 or even 9v9). Here is the deal, parents of the U12 and under crowd are delusional and crazy. They think their prepubescent kid playing on the A team makes them good parents. Little do they know that puberty is a cruel mistress and the genetic recipe they gave their kid will mean much more once the growth stops vertically and starts horizontally (U13 and U14), by U15 most of those A club kids will be out of soccer.

Your job as a parent is to provide your kid an opportunity to play soccer and have fun. Once the game is no longer fun, all but a few select few of kids lose interest. That said, you would be amazed at how much abuse these kids can take and keep on moving forward. My son, a GK, remembers hearing a teammates parent once chastise his striker son for not taking a shot during a scrimmage with the words "Hey, take the shot, its "MY SON'S NAME" in goal, he can't stop your shots." I heard it, the boy heard it. He still remembers it, but takes it as a challenge.
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@MWN we used to have a trashy mom who would talk to Coach during practices about our kids. Watch out for Board Member parents they are the worst! Make sure you know the culture of a team before you step onto it. Teams who have large numbers of Board Member or Club kids yikes nothing but drama for days. If you are like me and literally just push your child out of the car and go get groceries etc, don't ever talk to Coaches etc it's good but I have seen many a friend lose their mind trying to dissect the happenings on a "political team".
 
MWN said:
Here is the deal, parents of the U12 and under crowd are delusional and crazy. They think their prepubescent kid playing on the A team makes them good parents. Little do they know that puberty is a cruel mistress and the genetic recipe they gave their kid will mean much more once the growth stops vertically and starts horizontally (U13 and U14), by U15 most of those A club kids will be out of soccer.
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So brutally honest, but so brutally true. You forgot to mention that most parents of the under 12 crowd honestly feel their son or daughter is destined for the USMNT or USWNT.
 
Striker17 said:
@MWN we used to have a trashy mom who would talk to Coach during practices about our kids. Watch out for Board Member parents they are the worst! Make sure you know the culture of a team before you step onto it. Teams who have large numbers of Board Member or Club kids yikes nothing but drama for days. If you are like me and literally just push your child out of the car and go get groceries etc, don't ever talk to Coaches etc it's good but I have seen many a friend lose their mind trying to dissect the happenings on a "political team".
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Great point. The board member parents (or a parent who is a coach within the club for another team) can be a nightmare. If we could eliminate the political BS from club soccer (all club sports) and base all decisions on the merit of the player and nothing else, we would be much closer to a true meritocracy.
 
bababooey said:
Great point. The board member parents (or a parent who is a coach within the club for another team) can be a nightmare. If we could eliminate the political BS from club soccer (all club sports) and base all decisions on the merit of the player and nothing else, we would be much closer to a true meritocracy.
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There was also this other thing going around this year which I thought bizarre- a person not even registered at a club as a coach who was a asst coach coaching. Parent of a player who was an "assistant". Again it's things like that that make me stay very very far away and sign my DD up for SAT and robotics weekends. I have seen too many "party parent" and "friends with coach" relationships go very bad. It's just a matter of time
 
bababooey said:
Great point. The board member parents (or a parent who is a coach within the club for another team) can be a nightmare. If we could eliminate the political BS from club soccer (all club sports) and base all decisions on the merit of the player and nothing else, we would be much closer to a true meritocracy.
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Board member parents are bad. Supremely bad in all cases I have been exposed to. However to be frank when you have a weak DOC (or passive shall I say) who is really not a "business person" coupled with an offsite "business person" loud mouth monkeys usually end up running the zoo.
I think it's an absolute shame. Again it's a personal choice for us to stay away from those teams at younger ages because it's a mess. Usually by 14-15 suddenly the "stars" 9-14 suddenly aren't stars anymore (and most never were but they were able to hang on)
 
Where ever your kid enjoys playing, is where he or she should play. Parents ruin all the fun. If the kid can deal and likes the team. That's all that matters, play on your phone, read a book at practices, walk some laps on the track and in the park, at games sit at the far edge away from the problem parents. Remind your kid to run hard and have fun. Take Pics and enjoy!
 
MWN said:
I'll admit that I skimmed some of the posts. What I read from you was that you have parents yelling at the kids (I assume its not just "Way to go Suzi.") It sounds like you have a weak coach and/or manager. There is absolutely no room in youth sports for parents to "criticize" any player that isn't their own. Moreover, parents should not be instructing their own players during practice or the games. Having parents sitting around talking amongst themselves is one thing. Saying shit so the kids can hear is intolerable.

Talk to the coach and manager. Explain what you have heard and the unacceptable comments. Ask the Coach to have a "coming to Jesus" meeting with the parents and explain the Code of Conduct for your club/CSL/SCDSL/Cal South. If it continues, politely asked to be assigned to the B team and/or refunded your money because the Coach has no control of the parents.

Given your name "lilstriker" and what appears to be your newness to Club soccer, I'm going to assume your daughter plays on what we refer to as a u-little team (7v7 or even 9v9). Here is the deal, parents of the U12 and under crowd are delusional and crazy. They think their prepubescent kid playing on the A team makes them good parents. Little do they know that puberty is a cruel mistress and the genetic recipe they gave their kid will mean much more once the growth stops vertically and starts horizontally (U13 and U14), by U15 most of those A club kids will be out of soccer.

Your job as a parent is to provide your kid an opportunity to play soccer and have fun. Once the game is no longer fun, all but a few select few of kids lose interest. That said, you would be amazed at how much abuse these kids can take and keep on moving forward. My son, a GK, remembers hearing a teammates parent once chastise his striker son for not taking a shot during a scrimmage with the words "Hey, take the shot, its "MY SON'S NAME" in goal, he can't stop your shots." I heard it, the boy heard it. He still remembers it, but takes it as a challenge.
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Thanks for the great post and putting things back in perspective. Reminding us that things will change over the next few years is reassuring as I shudder at the thought of having to deal with this for years to come. We're not completely new to club soccer, but new to this situation and we're really just having a hard time deciding what to do... we do see a lot of warning signs but it's not black and white - lots of positives as well.

This past weekend I just sat away from the other parents and told DD to just ignore them. It certainly helped. She started this week, got more playing time, played well, and she seemed to have more fun. Still need to work on team dynamics and helping her find some friends on the team - maybe try to arrange something outside of soccer with one of the sane parents - but everyone is pretty busy. I feel like that's a critical missing piece and such a big part of the experience - being able to build relationships with your teammates - you spend so much time training.

We do have a crazy parent that talks to the coach after every practice too... ugh. And no it's not the team manager, ha!

For now we're going to try to stick it out - the coach is a good coach and doing a good job teaching them "real" soccer. I don't know if he's aware of the sideline behavior. I asked her if she had fun this weekend and she said yes - of course she always does, and it wasn't a super enthusiastic "Yes!" but better than last week. Will see how it goes, it's certainly been a few rough weeks but hopefully things get better. I figure we have a little bit more time to make the move if necessary .
 
Buddhabman said:
Where ever your kid enjoys playing, is where he or she should play. Parents ruin all the fun. If the kid can deal and likes the team. That's all that matters, play on your phone, read a book at practices, walk some laps on the track and in the park, at games sit at the far edge away from the problem parents. Remind your kid to run hard and have fun. Take Pics and enjoy!
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Outstanding post!
 
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