Made the Flight 1 A Team - mistake or suck it up?

[NoGoal]

My follow up question then is, at what age does she need to start thinking about which teams she should really try to make if she wants to pursue college ball?

You are asking the forum, yet posted (see below) that your friend's DD is already being recruited. Then shouldn't you already know or you can ask them, since they shared their DDs recruiting emails with you.

I dunno, the recruiters emailed the coaches specifically mentioning the player's name, performance at the showcases, and their "resume". The DD's coach forwarded to player's parents. I can't remember if they even mentioned a camp - but it certainly wasn't the focus of the messages. What I do remember was the emails generally said there was genuine interest, they looked forward to seeing them progress and to keep in touch. These parents did not reach out to any of those schools initially either - so it wasn't a "thank you letter".

 

[rainbow_unicorn]

My follow up question then is, at what age does she need to start thinking about which teams she should really try to make if she wants to pursue college ball?

Who wants her to play college ball more? You or her? Her focus should be on enjoying the game and working on individual skill. Move her to a team that has a good coach and with whom she enjoys playing with. Everything else will fall into place (which may not include collegiate soccer).

 

[MakeAPlay]

Meh....the competition has gotten a lot more intense on both the sports and academic fronts....my sons (still in elementary school) have classmates who pretty much spend their afternoons at Kumon or Chinese Learning Center and then are packed off for music/sports/art classes until a late evening dinner....not to mention the competition now from overseas (since overseas they track and kids that don't make it there are sent packing over here)...my grades back then certainly aren't good enough now....so I get why parents freak out. The OP has one thing right, though, which is 9th grade is the time if I kid is bound for the elite schools whether to go on the academic or sports tracks since they are very different and time is not unlimited.

I agree Lacrosse, crew, field hockey and swimming are all better ways to sneak into an Ivy. I disagree though about golf (or tennis before anyone mentions it)....unless they are the best of the best....too many wannabe families stick their kids into golf or tennis to check the sports box for mediocre athletes so the applicants are very numerous with these....unless they are the best of the best, being an above average golf/tennis sports kids won't help and if you are really good going to the pro circuit will make a lot more than soccer.

I agree with everything that you said except the sports vs. academic tracks. On my player's college team all of the girls are good students and some are brilliant. One of the reasons that I always liked the soccer girls clique is that most of them had outstanding grades! Players can have it all. Play at an academically challenging school, at the highest level and have the full experience. It just requires a ton of hard work. The quote that I sent my playre this morning went like this:

"Train while they rest, study while they have fun, persist while they quit, and then live what they can only dream of..."

Girls can have it all. #POWERTOTHEGIRLS!

 

[Sheriff Joe]

I agree with everything that you said except the sports vs. academic tracks. On my player's college team all of the girls are good students and some are brilliant. One of the reasons that I always liked the soccer girls clique is that most of them had outstanding grades! Players can have it all. Play at an academically challenging school, at the highest level and have the full experience. It just requires a ton of hard work. The quote that I sent my playre this morning went like this:

"Train while they rest, study while they have fun, persist while they quit, and then live what they can only dream of..."

Girls can have it all. #POWERTOTHEGIRLS!

And vote republican.

 

[MakeAPlay]

And vote republican.

You need to look at the voting map for Millenials Joe if you want to see what the future will look like and it is the most beautiful shade of BLUE...

 

[Sheriff Joe]

You need to look at the voting map for Millenials Joe if you want to see what the future will look like and it is the most beautiful shade of BLUE...

Wow, that doesn't look very promising, good thing I am on the back nine of life.

 

[LilStriker]

You are asking the forum, yet posted (see below) that your friend's DD is already being recruited. Then shouldn't you already know or you can ask them, since they shared their DDs recruiting emails with you.[/QUOTEbut it's good to get different perspectives, no?

You crack me up. First off, I don't think you and Eagle really know what trolling and catfishing means... please look it up... I'm not sure it's even possible to troll your own thread." And I didn't realize this was such a controversial topic.

I also hardly think I'm trying to be your fake online Gf, so no, not catfishing.

Not sure what your issue is, but I assure you this is not a fake post and yeah I probably will ask our friends at some point... I just didn't want to bombard them with questions and sound crazy, better to sound uninformed and crazy anonymously! That said, even with their input, that's just one data point and it's nice to get different people's perspectives. They're going through this for the first time and a lot of you already have DD's completely through.

The reason I'm not giving age is because I know the other parents are also on this forum and my intention is not to cause conflict nor draw attention while we decide. They will easily recognize this situation and it will just make the team dynamic even worse and isolate us even more.

 

[Mystery Train]

48 replies of which nearly a dozen are from you. And another 5 or so asked what age group.

Here is why age group matters:

• A kid prior to middle school should LOVE everything about her team. Her coach, her teammates, the parents on the sideline, and the amount of time she has outside of soccer to do other things she cares about (school, friends, another sport, walking the dog, etc) . Being excited about practice; being excited about going to lunch with some of the team after a game; looking forward to a carpool to a far away game; and getting quality training will instill her love for the game. Which hopefully will translate into her wanting to put in extra work outside of practice.
• Puberty can be a big game changer for short or long term. The kid that was a little small and a little slow all of the sudden is a bit bigger and a bit faster. The speedy, mature kid packs on some weight before she hits a growth spurt and slows down a bit. The kid who plays like a bull in a china shop and never rests, gets an overuse injury and needs to sit out a few weeks.
• This is why it's important to have a good sideline that recognizes a lot can change and will support the players. And a coach that can recognize this also.
• If the kid is 9 years old and joined a club because they have DA or ECNL for you in a few years and you are worried that moving to the "b" team will have a lasting impact- Take a look at how many coaches move around each year. And how many kids move around each year. By the time she is 13, I'm willing to bet that some of the current DA teams will change (they'll either leave the program, will get acquired or go out of business).

I can second everything in this post.

Lilstriker, I'll also add that we went through an almost identical phase with our DD. Her first year playing on the "A" team at a big club, we experienced all the discomfort you described, especially the parent situation. That sideline was so high strung, it was easily the most miserable season we had as parents watching our kid play. But we survived, and so did my DD's love of the game. Of course, we did move on to a better situation (not all A teams are like that, but there are plenty). Looking back, although that year sucked, it was a learning experience and we are wiser now because of it. And here's what we learned:

Playing on the "A" team, or an ECNL team, or a DA team, or an Ivy league team, or the freaking National team doesn't mean s^!# if she's not enjoying it.

There's plenty of miserable people playing elite level sports or attending Ivy League schools. For god's sake, don't make that the goal. Focus on the process, not the result.

 

[LilStriker]

I agree with everything that you said except the sports vs. academic tracks. On my player's college team all of the girls are good students and some are brilliant. One of the reasons that I always liked the soccer girls clique is that most of them had outstanding grades! Players can have it all. Play at an academically challenging school, at the highest level and have the full experience. It just requires a ton of hard work. The quote that I sent my playre this morning went like this:

"Train while they rest, study while they have fun, persist while they quit, and then live what they can only dream of..."

Girls can have it all. #POWERTOTHEGIRLS!

I think her point wasn't to not do everything academically but when you apply, you either apply as a normal applicant academically with soccer as an ec and not intending to play or get recruited and try to get in via soccer, not both. If you're trying to just get in academically and not play soccer, playing DA isn't going to help your application.... did I get that right?

 

[Soccer]

So our kiddo made the "A" team at a "top" competitive club, but now we're having second thoughts. We really like the club and coach - but team dynamics seem totally dysfunctional. The players overall are very good and they train hard. But parents are ULTRA competitive, feels like everyone's only looking out for their own kid and for some, if they're not yelling at your kid, they're yelling at their own - seriously. That attitude has unfortunately started filtering down to what otherwise would be good kids. Besides a small clique that trains together outside, none of the players nor parents really care to hang out with each other - a couple players are just downright jerks.

Is this normal and what it takes to be among the best? Our impression is the club is preparing these girls for DA in a few years where it seems more focused on individual play anyway. Objectively, our DD is probably ranked middle on the team but she's not starting (first off bench) and she really could use more playing time to develop.

I can see all this wearing on her after practice and games - she works her tail off, but I can tell she's changed and she's no longer as excited about wins nor phased by losses - she still practices almost every day on her own at home. She gets along with the B team girls better and hinted she'd rather play with them instead (even though she hasn't actually played with them). I'm expecting the B team to eventually become the ECNL team and the club is unlikely to pull girls from B to A.

For those who've been through it, what do you think? Do we teach DD to hang in there or try to find a better environment (perhaps B team or forfeit fees and find other club) where she can have fun and hopefully get more playing time/develop but potentially miss out on DA? It's a great opportunity, but is it worth the cost? any suggestions?

It would be interesting to know the team. Sounds like a team I know of.

Cut bait and make sure it is fun! Because if it is not fun then she will eventually quit or her confidence will become eroded. Find the most competitive team with nice girls. Where that is you will have nice parents, usually.

 

[NoGoal]

You crack me up. First off, I don't think you and Eagle really know what trolling and catfishing means... please look it up... I'm not sure it's even possible to troll your own thread." And I didn't realize this was such a controversial topic.

I also hardly think I'm trying to be your fake online Gf, so no, not catfishing.

Not sure what your issue is, but I assure you this is not a fake post and yeah I probably will ask our friends at some point... I just didn't want to bombard them with questions and sound crazy, better to sound uninformed and crazy anonymously! That said, even with their input, that's just one data point and it's nice to get different people's perspectives. They're going through this for the first time and a lot of you already have DD's completely through.

The reason I'm not giving age is because I know the other parents are also on this forum and my intention is not to cause conflict nor draw attention while we decide. They will easily recognize this situation and it will just make the team dynamic even worse and isolate us even more.

Sorry, but revealing your DDs age group will not reveal your true identity and trust me I have outed a lot of SoCal posters during my time.

As for catfishing. You may not be trying to get a romantic online romance going with any of usc but you're definately NOT as naive about club soccer as you want us to believe. I would even say, you would fit in nicely with the parents you are complaining about on your DDs team now. Especially you believing she is already a top 3 player on the team speed and skill wise.

 

[NoGoal]

You crack me up. First off, I don't think you and Eagle really know what trolling and catfishing means... please look it up... I'm not sure it's even possible to troll your own thread." And I didn't realize this was such a controversial topic.

I also hardly think I'm trying to be your fake online Gf, so no, not catfishing.

Not sure what your issue is, but I assure you this is not a fake post and yeah I probably will ask our friends at some point... I just didn't want to bombard them with questions and sound crazy, better to sound uninformed and crazy anonymously! That said, even with their input, that's just one data point and it's nice to get different people's perspectives. They're going through this for the first time and a lot of you already have DD's completely through.

The reason I'm not giving age is because I know the other parents are also on this forum and my intention is not to cause conflict nor draw attention while we decide. They will easily recognize this situation and it will just make the team dynamic even worse and isolate us even more.

Sorry, but revealing your DDs age group will not reveal your true identity and trust me I have outed a lot of SoCal posters during my time.

As for catfishing. You may not be trying to get a romantic online romance going with any of us, but you're definately NOT as naive about club soccer as you want us to believe. I would even say, you would fit in nicely with the parents you are complaining about on your DDs team now. Especially you believing she is already a top 3 player on the team speed and skill wise.

 

[MakeAPlay]

Wow, that doesn't look very promising, good thing I am on the back nine of life.

Don't bet on "being on the back nine of life" Joe. Most everyone is living longer these days. If you are a Gen Xer like me you are going to live long enough to see the results of all of the good and bad decisions that we are making individually and as a society right now.

Unless, of course, you are planning on death by police.

 

[Sheriff Joe]

Don't bet on "being on the back nine of life" Joe. Most everyone is living longer these days. If you are a Gen Xer like me you are going to live long enough to see the results of all of the good and bad decisions that we are making individually and as a society right now.

Unless, of course, you are planning on death by police.

You lips to God's ears.
The police have no beef with me, unless of course the Westwood police have an apb out on me.

 

[MrXor]

Kind of sucks that there are truly helpful people here who are being punked by folks with way too much
times on their hands. I learned alot from reading these posts, so don't let a few folks off their meds
ruin it for others.

 

[LilStriker]

I can second everything in this post.

Lilstriker, I'll also add that we went through an almost identical phase with our DD. Her first year playing on the "A" team at a big club, we experienced all the discomfort you described, especially the parent situation. That sideline was so high strung, it was easily the most miserable season we had as parents watching our kid play. But we survived, and so did my DD's love of the game. Of course, we did move on to a better situation (not all A teams are like that, but there are plenty). Looking back, although that year sucked, it was a learning experience and we are wiser now because of it. And here's what we learned:

Playing on the "A" team, or an ECNL team, or a DA team, or an Ivy league team, or the freaking National team doesn't mean s^!# if she's not enjoying it.

There's plenty of miserable people playing elite level sports or attending Ivy League schools. For god's sake, don't make that the goal. Focus on the process, not the result.

Thanks for the encouragement- in hindsight, would you have stayed with that team again and waited until it changed? Or just left because it wasn't worth it? How many seasons were you with them before it got better.

Part of me is still saying just tough it out, it ain't that bad, maybe it'll get better. DD says she's ok with it. the other part is like, well I really do think she'd have more fun with the other team... sigh.

 

[Striker17]

I have read this thread with enthusiasm and I am still stuck in the fact that @Grace T seems to know an awful lot about Ivy admissions and I want to know how!

 

[Desert619]

Try out the other team. Check out the vibe and if she likes it then move her. She will be a starter and get more playing time, her confidence will go up and she will love to play. It's a win win all around so what's to think about?

What you're experiencing is common in the "a" team. Parents can be snobs and that transfers over to their children.

Best of luck!

 

[timbuck]

You could also be on the "b" team, but play on the "a" team once in a while. Might be worth having a conversation with the coaches about this. Again- sort of depends on the age group we are taking about. On a 9 or 10 year old team, probably no big deal. But older girls will chat about "why is Sally playing with us again? I thought she was on the lower team."

 

[LilStriker]

Try out the other team. Check out the vibe and if she likes it then move her. She will be a starter and get more playing time, her confidence will go up and she will love to play. It's a win win all around so what's to think about?

What you're experiencing is common in the "a" team. Parents can be snobs and that transfers over to their children.

Best of luck!

Thanks - any tips on how to go about that? Never been in this situation before and honestly wouldn't even know what to say to the coach. Who's even to say that they'll take her on the B team - it's pretty full.

Also, even though I know the right answer is to just switch teams - possibly clubs, part of me still wants to try and hold out to see if things get better or if we can help be part of the change - DD says she can handle it but I can tell it's wearing. Like I mentioned before, outside of this craziness, I think most of the parents are actually really good people. There are even a few who I actually really like, but I think their way of surviving is mostly just to avoid everybody, LOL. sigh.

 

[Mystery Train]

Thanks for the encouragement- in hindsight, would you have stayed with that team again and waited until it changed? Or just left because it wasn't worth it? How many seasons were you with them before it got better.

Part of me is still saying just tough it out, it ain't that bad, maybe it'll get better. DD says she's ok with it. the other part is like, well I really do think she'd have more fun with the other team... sigh.

We did one season on that team and then changed clubs the following year. As far as I know, the situation on that team never really got better until after several coaching changes and some of the more toxic parents left. But that took a long time and it wouldn't have been worth it to stay. In hindsight, it still wasn't necessarily the wrong thing to put her on that team. Like I said, she learned a lot from the experience. It made her stronger. Knowing what I know now, with my younger son, we would do some things differently if he decides club soccer is something he wants to do. #1. Handle the "youngers" years (below 14) as a totally separate phase from the "olders" (14 and up) years. #2. Take all the time necessary to find a great coach who is the right fit for him in those youngers years and try to stay with him/her. #3. COMPLETELY avoid the big club/A-team/"Elite"/"Premier"/ team ranking craziness in the youngers phase. It's worthless. Develop the skills in those years, and IF the player has the physical gifts, when the player is 14 or 15, there WILL be a place for him/her on an elite team. Always. And if the player doesn't have the gifts or can't get on an elite level team by that age, well, it just wasn't meant to be and you wouldn't have wasted all those developing years stressing out over wins and losses. Just my .02, but I have seen ZERO advantage to being on top level teams younger than 14 in the long run for players. At the younger ages, it's all about finding the right coach. If you don't even know who the coach is for this A team, there is absolutely no way to know if it's a good fit for your kid. We've seen some downright terrible coaches coaching the top age group team at big clubs, and great ones coaching B and C teams. Now, the priorities are a bit different for HS age players who want to play college because of the emphasis on exposure (which is why everyone kept asking you what age). So take that into consideration if your kid is currently a freshman or a sophomore. In that case, playing on a top level team will help with her profile and the joylessness of the team will not affect her nearly as much because she's mature enough to put more focus on handling her own business. In theory, of course...every kid is different.