Switching clubs next year questions...

How does your daughter feel? 11 years old is where they can start to have some pretty strong opinions.
Does she have friends at other clubs?
I think that us parents really underestimate the value of having solid friendships on sports teams. For the 5% of the youth population that are "Stone Cold Killers" and want to win, dominate, destroy anything they come across, it's not as big of a deal. Take those kids and move them to the best team, regardless of who their teammates are. But for the other 95%, I think we are missing the boat.
The team that my 11 year old is on is very unique. Everyone has a best friend (or a few) on the team. There is ZERO drama among the players. And I don't think there is any drama with the parents.
I'll give you an example. We have 4 girls that entered 7th grade this year. And 8 girls at the same school entering 6th grade this year (first year of middle school). The 7th grade girls planned a day to take the 6th grade girls to school to show them around and decorate their lockers before school started. And the kids who don't go to that school also showed up because they all wanted to be together.
We played in a Sand Soccer Tournament this summer. We have a set of twins that weren't going to play. They asked for the ability to play in the tournament to be their birthday present.
 
Timbuck my daughter is open to moving even though she has friends on the team. She is frustrated as well, she sees the girls not come to practice and play while the girls that come are reprimanded for being late and made to do laps. The truth is though if coach didn't play the girls who were no shows we couldn't field a team. She has friends at many different local clubs bc she played soccer for her school team and plays indoor futsal and meets kids from all over. She also meets many different coaches that way, and we've been approached at futsal from coaches who are interested. Her futsal league is actually ran by a different club. I wish our team had even an inkling of what your team has, I don't even know what school half the kids go to!
 
mommato2girls said:
while the girls that come are reprimanded for being late and made to do laps.
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Oooh - this is not a good coach. You don't punish the child for the parents' issue (tardiness), this is not high school where the kids walk to the field after 6th period. Parents need to have a discussion with the coach.
 
Zvezdas said:
Out of curiosity, what happens if a team adds another player after August 1st? Can they petition Cal South and add him/her to official roster?
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If they are not already on some other team's roster, it can be done all online at the Cal South website.
 
mommato2girls said:
Sorry for all the weird replies everywhere, I'm still figuring out how to reply correctly!
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Gotta ask you, mommato2girls, why did you start this thread now, instead of in November, if you are committed to stay until the next year, as you've originally said?

Get an early start on people's opinions and what others have to say about it?

Regardless of what you or TCD defending you say, its clear that your heart is in a different place than the team's going forward. You also say that your kid wants to leave too but often is the case that the child reflect parent's position and feelings. Isn't all this disingenuous to the team and the rest of the parents. I'm talking about those parents that care and show up at practices.

If you're just venting, and it is cheaper than seeking therapy, so be it but....
 
mirage said:
Gotta ask you, mommato2girls, why did you start this thread now, instead of in November, if you are committed to stay until the next year, as you've originally said?

Get an early start on people's opinions and what others have to say about it?

Regardless of what you or TCD defending you say, its clear that your heart is in a different place than the team's going forward. You also say that your kid wants to leave too but often is the case that the child reflect parent's position and feelings. Isn't all this disingenuous to the team and the rest of the parents. I'm talking about those parents that care and show up at practices.

If you're just venting, and it is cheaper than seeking therapy, so be it but....
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I wanted to ask the question of how to go about finding a new club for my daughter, and I was hoping for input on that. I didn't do a very good job researching and finding the right fit for her so I appreciate any insights. I've also been told to go practice and such before tryouts roll around, as that time is crazy. I'm not sure what to do, just email a coach and say hey we're looking at another team and would like to come out and watch practice? It's really for direction, and I appreciate the responses I have got. I'm kind of surprised that people take it so personally when someone wants to leave a team, if there was a kid on my daughter's team that wanted out and the parents were very upfront about it I would wish them well, why would anyone want someone there that didn't want to be there?
 
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mommato2girls said:
I wanted to ask the question of how to go about finding a new club for my daughter, and I was hoping for input on that.....
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Then this is the question that needed to be emphasized. You added comments about unhappiness and leaving and, unfortunately, most (including myself) have tee offed on that aspect and not about find a new club/team.

You know the cliche, sometimes, less is more....

mommato2girls said:
..............I'm kind of surprised that people take it so personally when someone wants to leave a team, if there was a kid on my daughter's team that wanted out and the parents were very upfront about it I would wish them well, why would anyone want someone there that didn't want to be there?
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Generally speaking, I agree with you view but many of us also believe in commitment made, commitment kept. Its part of sportsmanship, its part of life. The negatives must be dealt with positively and that too is development in life of a child.

Clearly, if someone doesn't want to be there, its usually best that they goto a place where they want to be at. The rub is the commitment part. It is always unique situation and generalization cannot be used. Only you know the actual circumstances so its your challenge to balance teaching a child about commitment versus change in the face of breaking the intent.

In response to finding the right team and club, here are some recommendations:
1) Go watch one or two of the games (tournament is better than league but any game that means something). This will give you the temperament of the coach and how he uses subs. Also is the coach so focused on winning that the bench players only get few minutes on the pitch?

2) Attend practices and see how he runs the training. Goto at least two, and on the second training session, if there are other teams there, look how other teams in the same club is training. Compare the sessions.

3) Talk to parents on the perspective team and see where their head is at. Do you dislike them (don't have to like them but dislike is a problem)?

4) Consider and assess where your kid is at. Make sure that your kid is in the top half of the talent of the team, and not in the bottom half. This will avoid worrying about playing time for the most part. Vast majority of kids like playing and not sitting on the bench.

5) Last, and perhaps most important. What do you and your kid expect to get out of the relationship with the team? This can be anything from winning lots to just development to be a better player. In that spectrum of things, it helps to have realistic objectives for the year for your kid's soccer life. It does two things, a) keeps focus on what is important to you, and b) a measuring stick to monitor progress toward achieving your goals for the season.

Beyond that, there are things like is the club DA/ECNL club, is the level of league right and roster size and so on. Coach reputation can be misleading depending on who responds. But be aware that a really good coach (usually because he wins a lot) that has built a reputation of strong teams may not spend the time to develop players on the bottom half of the roster (because he knows there are more waiting to join the team), and that a development focused coach may have mediocre to poor win-loss record teams, especially at younger.

Thanks for responding to the question.
 
Since you are planning to stick with the team for the fall season (which I think is the right move) can you try to take an active role in helping the team bond a bit more?
A pool/beach party, sleepover or just an organized lunch after a game can go a long way towards helping team relationships get stronger. Get the parents to have a beer while the kids to whatever kids do when the coach isn't around.
I'm not sure where you are located at, but attending a Galaxy game or a female soccer game a college near you are also great ways to get everyone together.
Most coaches don't deal with this kind of stuff and expect the team manager to coordinate these things. If your team manager just wants to deal with tournaments and fund collection, step up and try to make things better. You might even find that some of the parents will also step up once they see you making an effort.
 
mirage said:
Isn't all this disingenuous to the team and the rest of the parents.
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Please explain to me how asking questions on a soccer forum is "disingenuous"? Is she expected to get non-conflicted advice from her Coach and Club leadership? To me, this is the exact right place to air these kinds of thoughts and questions. That's why it's called a discussion forum.
 
Wez said:
Please explain to me how asking questions on a soccer forum is "disingenuous"? Is she expected to get non-conflicted advice from her Coach and Club leadership? To me, this is the exact right place to air these kinds of thoughts and questions. That's why it's called a discussion forum.
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The comment is regarding to her action and the way she is looking at the whole situation.
 
mirage said:
The comment is regarding to her action and the way she is looking at the whole situation.
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Please describe what about these comments you find "disingenuous".
mommato2girls said:
It's been about 6 months into the season and we are 90% sure we are going to switch clubs next season for various reasons. We are debating on playing up a year and staying local or trying for a more 'elite' club at her age level. We've had several coaches reach out to us after tournaments and invite us over for practices, to check out the team etc but we are finishing up our year where we started and feel funny doing that early on. What is the protocol here for this type of thing? We've already told our coach our intentions and that we feel like it's just not the right fit for us so it wouldn't be taking him by surprise. Who has done this successfully? I'm hoping to find a great fit for her and not sure how to tackle it since I didn't do a very good job this season!
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I see nothing but questions from a parent about her next steps as to what's best for her child.
 
TCD said:
Mirage, you need to make up your mind how you think the rest of us should write our forum questions. Recently I posted a question about my DD not wanting to play HS soccer this upcoming year and you told me I did not provide enough information...just sayin...
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When you posted about your kid not wanting to play HS, it needed more info. When she stated what the intent of her original post, it was sidetracked/confused with wanting to leave. In other words, additional information did not clarify the root of her question. In your case it lacked info to provide a meaningful response (for your benefit).
 
Wez said:
Please describe what about these comments you find "disingenuous".


I see nothing but questions from a parent about her next steps as to what's best for her child.
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Slow day? Just want to banter? Its my opinion and you disagree - done.
 
mirage said:
Slow day? Just want to banter? Its my opinion and you disagree - done.
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Not trying to fight; I'm curious what could be construed as "disingenuous" from her comments and questions? If any discussion of leaving a club is construed as suspect, I'd like to know why someone would feel that way and what that person views as an appropriate way to bring up the topic?
 
TCD said:
Sped - She didn't say they are thinking about leaving in August. Maybe you should read the second sentence again: "We don't plan to leave until next year, we have no intention on jumping ship or teaching that to the kiddo."
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It's August. She's discussing how her kid will be leaving. That's not very loyal to the team.
 
mommato2girls said:
Sped I think you're just angry for whatever reason and I genuinely hope you have a great day today. I didn't say anything about lvg August. I specifically said next year, as far as commitment, daughter attends 90% of practices (yes we too have vacation and school events) conditions outside of practice bc the kid likes to run and plays futsal with an indoor league on a drop in basis. She loves soccer, this is my issue. The majority of the other kids don't, their parents might but the kids never want to join is for a run, pick up game, futsal league whatever. They have no desire. I am just wanting to find a team, A, B whatever that fits her personality. A huge part of soccer is the camaraderie that goes along with being part of a team and right now it is pretty much non existent.
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I get it, and am not angry. The season has really barely started. There's a ton of soccer to play. Why stress about what you're going to do next January at this stage?
 
We've been together since January. Played a full spring league, and 6 tournaments. I think that's more than enough time to figure out its not a good fit. Tryouts may start January but (and correct me if I'm wrong) it's better to get to know other coaches and clubs prior to tryouts. There's only 4 months of soccer between now and then. That's less than the time we've already spent with the team.
 
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