Kids need to learn at their own pace. If your kid was in a play at school and they weren't hitting the notes right, would you say something mid play (even if quietly)? I've also found that when I'm watching the game in real time my observations aren't always 100% correct. That's where film comes in. I've had moments where I've gone "Oh, that's what they were seeing and that's why they did that". I totally get the frustration around coaches that aren't great (or just flat out bad). We've all experienced them. That's when I go to the DoC and give my feedback. That said, kids need to learn to listen to their coach (obviously, unless they harming them). The other thing I've seen is parents "quietly" coaching their kids on the sideline, yet 2-3 other players look over when it happens. It's just distracting for everyone. My recommendation is to reach out to the coach (at least 24 hours after a game) and share your observations.
Club soccer stuff that drive you nuts...
- Thread starter soccerchaffeur
- Start date
Kids need to learn at their own pace. If your kid was in a play at school and they weren't hitting the notes right, would you say something mid play (even if quietly)? I've also found that when I'm watching the game in real time my observations aren't always 100% correct. That's where film comes in. I've had moments where I've gone "Oh, that's what they were seeing and that's why they did that". I totally get the frustration around coaches that aren't great (or just flat out bad). We've all experienced them. That's when I go to the DoC and give my feedback. That said, kids need to learn to listen to their coach (obviously, unless they harming them). The other thing I've seen is parents "quietly" coaching their kids on the sideline, yet 2-3 other players look over when it happens. It's just distracting for everyone. My recommendation is to reach out to the coach (at least 24 hours after a game) and share your observations.
Depends on the coach but that rarely goes well. Firstly, you better have the credential or have played yourself in college. Secondly, many of them are so insecure (knowing they have limited knowledge and it might not be going well) and thin skinned that you won't make yourself a favorite if you "share your observations". Third, it requires building a relationship of trust which goes two ways between coach and parent because usually it will read to the coach "let me share with you my observations about how you are screwing up". Fourth, it's a tactic that should only be used sparingly for some obvious problem or you'll make a nuisance of yourself. I say this as someone who has much better knowledge of my son's position and with a higher credential than most of the coach's my son has taken with, and who made quite a few mistakes early on in his career.
The issue with film is that until they hit a certain age, the brain just simply isn't wired to learn that way. The issue with talking to them after is that at first they are wound up and don't need a lecture from the parent of everything they've done wrong, and then afterwards they've moved on and already thrown the memory into the garbage bin.
LOL at the coach that sucks at coaching and the parent going to the coach sharing observations. LOL at going to the DOC.
You seem to have a real fairytale version of the maturity levels of coaches. DOCs and coaches see you talking to them as a nuisance at best and an assault on them personally at worst. I envy your world view.
From 3 years old to 18, my kid has one consistent soccer trainer. That's me. These coaches and clubs will come and go. In terms of how other parents view me whispering to my kid for 3 seconds at half time, I could care less. My kid wouldn't put up with me yelling at her in a game and is old enough to give me the stink eye if she thinks the other kids are side-eyeing it. She's captained ECNL and played high-level long enough to know what got her there.
I am coach dad in all area's as well bro and I will coach when needed to help my baby girl win soccer games or games that life throws at her. One time, the score was 1-1 and we had to win to advance to the QFs. 5 minutes left on my buddies stop watch. My kid had that look of a miracle and I just yelled at her, "Hey girl, triple scoop at Thrifty's if you can get the goal or assist." Yes, Nocal types dad gave me that look of, "dude, no coaching from sidelines." Anyway, she scored and we won the whole tournament. As a coach dad, you need to know when to motivate. I never used negative crap like another dad I knew. This guy took his dd phone away for missing a PK. I only use positive reinforcement. I also had to tell her a few times, "don;t listen to that jacko coach going off screaming at you. Tune that fool out and go ball."
I think out of the 20+ coaches we've experienced in this journey, only one wasn't open to feedback/dialog and was pretty arrogant. Keep in mind the feedback isn't "Hey you need to do X,Y, and Z". It's "Hey I noticed my player is doing X, what are your thoughts on that?". You have to make it collaborative. It's not unlike how I work with my kids teachers.
My kids watch the film on their own and talk about it later. They enjoy that part of it.
I think people in NorCal are generally a bit better about communication. SoCal is very combative. Count yourself fortunate.
After watching game video once on a new team, I noticed that the backline cleared the ball every time and completed 0 passes to my daughter at CDM in a game. I sent a very middle of the road email to the coach asking if this was something they were working on because she likes to connect from the back. My first time with anything resembling criticism.
He told me to stay in my lane and if I couldn't do that he could release her. I did stay in my lane, which was finding a non-combative coach on a new team. That coach no longer coaches.
I actually love this -- kids should have familiarity with every position. It will benefit them greatly as they go to ID camps, etc. The only problem I have with it is the parents on the sidelines caring more about results than development. They all get twisted into knots as if it's a world cup game. One of our kids coaches did this and now he can play pretty much any position (of course he has his home positions). Admittedly it's nerve wracking as you just want your kid to contribute in a positive way regardless of where they play, but it's definitely worth it. The coach should most certainly communicate this philosophy early on in the season.
Coaches not advocating for building out of the back is probably one of my biggest frustrations (it's so rampant on the girls side). So I get where you're coming from. I've had to bite my lip many times over. The worst is when a club doesn't have consistent tactics between age groups. I chalk it all up to "this is life -- it's never perfect". I then work with my kid on the things that could help their own game regardless of the coaches tactics. We're not club hoppers, but if it was the first year for the coach to have the team and I knew they'd be with the team for 2 or more years, we'd be shopping around immediately.
My kid can play every position. If this was AYSO, then whatever. But my daughter wants to show well and contribute to team play, not run around uselessly.
If she hasn't played central attacking mid for 6 months she wants to do a specialized training a day or two before to shake off some rust.
One f'ing text message, she would appreciate. It's called common courtesy. I don't know why you wouldn't want this.
In addition to pop-up positioning, how about if coaches actually had a discussion with your kid about why they are starting some other kid over him.
It's not crazy. In professional soccer, you have to manage the psychology. There would be a discussion if a player needed to show something different to start, and the coach would break the news in advance to the player.
It's not crazy. In professional soccer, you have to manage the psychology. There would be a discussion if a player needed to show something different to start, and the coach would break the news in advance to the player.
I think the general theme is "Coaches who don't communicate."
Coaches should have direct conversations with each player on what they need to work on to get better, at every level, and then give ongoing feedback on how they're progressing. Managing expectations on the regular leads to less awkward/awful surprises for everyone.
Too few do this.
Hear, hear! They're either clueless (don't know the rules) or trolling.
Some things I’ve observed from last season:
Maybe it’s not that big of a deal where I am but parents seem to sit wherever they want. Most of the time, they are set up and settled before the team goes to their side of the field. With fields being booked back to back, there isn’t a lot of time for the team to set up. On hot days most people go find shade wherever that may be.
It’s annoying to get the end of week emails from coaches asking parents/players to respond as to whether they are going to the weekend games. How hard is to to say yes or no on the app? I get that some parents have work schedules that don’t get scheduled until later in the week but it seems pretty routine on my kid’s team to have several players who don’t respond.
Parents who talk to their players during the game, walk over to the team bench during half time, or chat with the coach consistently before, during and after practices don’t realize how they look, how their kid wishes they would stop and how much the coach hates them.
Parents who get hung up on their kid playing a particular position or not playing a particular position ultimately hurt the team. I watched a guardian yank his player off the field before the game when he saw that the coach out him in goal.
My younger kid just finished his rec season. It was so much fun watching kids be kids. If I had to start over, I don’t know if I would have started my older one in club soccer.
Maybe it’s not that big of a deal where I am but parents seem to sit wherever they want. Most of the time, they are set up and settled before the team goes to their side of the field. With fields being booked back to back, there isn’t a lot of time for the team to set up. On hot days most people go find shade wherever that may be.
It’s annoying to get the end of week emails from coaches asking parents/players to respond as to whether they are going to the weekend games. How hard is to to say yes or no on the app? I get that some parents have work schedules that don’t get scheduled until later in the week but it seems pretty routine on my kid’s team to have several players who don’t respond.
Parents who talk to their players during the game, walk over to the team bench during half time, or chat with the coach consistently before, during and after practices don’t realize how they look, how their kid wishes they would stop and how much the coach hates them.
Parents who get hung up on their kid playing a particular position or not playing a particular position ultimately hurt the team. I watched a guardian yank his player off the field before the game when he saw that the coach out him in goal.
My younger kid just finished his rec season. It was so much fun watching kids be kids. If I had to start over, I don’t know if I would have started my older one in club soccer.
The rule wasn't created for supportive parents who cheer for both teams.
It was created to keep the hot heads away from each other, so they don't ruin a kids' game with an adult fight.
If you're walking the sidelines saying nice things about both sides, I doubt you get much flak.
Once you start getting to the higher levels + ages of youth soccer all the parents pretty much know each other in one way or other. This is when you start seeing parents from different teams hanging out on the sidelines.
When you've been going to the same tournaments with the sameish people for 10+ years usually the topic discussed is how annoying youth soccer can be. But, you keep doing it because its something your kid loves.
Generally the ones that want to fight are at the younger and lower levels. This is because soccer when the games are close can they be 60+ minutes of tension. Americans parents used to this type of action + can get frustrated and lash out. Over time soccer will grind even the craziest parents desire to fight out of them. Sometimes it just takes a while for this to occur.
I had one dad tell me I better not show my face at Silverlake's and if I did happen to be walking towards him, it would best for me to turn around. I also had a very rich dad grab me by the back of the neck because??? I have it all on why they did this to me. Happy Whacky Wednesday frens.
As they get older and at higher levels, a bunch of things start to even out as well: the kids who could overpower a team and win it just by running the ball and running up the score 12-0 can't do it anymore, the keepers begin to become competent and big enough they can cover the goals and not just have balls banged over them every single time, everyone gets to be a similar size so it's harder to just bang players off the ball.
The biggest risk, particularly among the boys as they become full blown men, is fighting. The boys fight and then the parents intervene and that leads to more fighting. And that usually happens because the ref has usually lost control early in the game by not calling a handful of egregious fouls, a really bad injury threatening the health of a player occurs, and everyone loses their s. It's what you see in the fight videos in the papers and online.
The rule really is about the "exceptional" people that just can't control themselves. They exist at all levels, but are certainly easier to find in the younger/lower levels. That being said, teams that are struggling to keep up with the competition or teams that are used to winning getting shocked seems to bring out the crazy too.
It's too bad the rule can't just be "if you're going to be an a$$hole you need to stay on your team's sideline" so everyone else didn't have to suffer.
Head coaches don't get goalkeepers. Play out of the back, so she does. Defense makes bad touch and lose the ball, then she gets yelled out. How about teach better touches. Stay on your line, no, cover your 6, sorry meant the whole 18, oh wait, I mean our half of the field. Your in charge of how many in the wall, then they yell 4 in the wall.
Looking forward to college where her head coach is a former goalkeeper and she will have a full time goalkeeper coach talking to her constantly. Had a chance at camp for her to train and play with the current keepers and you can see the excitement for the game in her eyes again.
Looking forward to college where her head coach is a former goalkeeper and she will have a full time goalkeeper coach talking to her constantly. Had a chance at camp for her to train and play with the current keepers and you can see the excitement for the game in her eyes again.
Mystery Train
GOLD
I can attest to all of this above. Add to that all the unrealistic "shooting drills" they do in practice, with two or three lines of attacking players alternating uncontested shots inside the 18 every 4 seconds and counting that as GK training. They might as well put a monkey in goal for all the good that does anyone.
So lucky your kid has a former GK as head coach! My daughter's best youth coach was a former GK as well. Makes all the difference.