It's worse when you actually do have a bit of soccer IQ...you start to question everything the coaches/refs/players do so be thankful if your soccer IQ is low.....a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. It also gives you an appreciation for how tough those roles are, but man it's hard when you see something that just doesn't make any sense.
Proper Side Line Etiquette For Soccer Parents?
- Thread starter Chalklines
- Start date
It's worse when you actually do have a bit of soccer IQ...you start to question everything the coaches/refs/players do so be thankful if your soccer IQ is low.....a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. It also gives you an appreciation for how tough those roles are, but man it's hard when you see something that just doesn't make any sense.
coachrefparent
GOLD
Don't feel bad, you're just like the other 95% of parents. And I can assure you that if your coach is at all decent, he spends 95% of his time at practice trying to get that kid to pass more. If not, change teams now.
If you are looking for reasons to be quiet on the sideline, here's my two cents:
1. From the referee perspective, there's a lot of verbal information already flying around the field from those with a formal role in the game -- coaches, teammates, the referee. As a result, shouted direction from parents are frequently unheard by the intended target, and, when heard, frequently conflict with direction from the coach. Good/useful advice from parents is quite rare -- particularly when soccer was not their primary sport as a child.
2. From the coaching perspective, especially at younger ages, kids may be in great physical shape and have good ball skills, but they are often not developmentally ready to spread out, pass the ball, make runs off the ball, etc. Some kids' brains are ready to process all of that at a very young age -- others don't figure it out until later, if at all. Yelling at them to do something their brain doesn't comprehend doesn't do them or you any good. They'll probably figure it out -- just next season.
3. From a player perspective, figuring something out yourself is a better way to learn than having someone else figure it out and tell you what to do. When coaching younger ages, I sometimes had a quiet sideline game with no parent or coach directions to players. I noticed that whatever information I would typically have yelled out was generally figured out by the player on their own -- just a few seconds later. In other words, they often knew what to do -- they just weren't figuring it out as quickly as the adults. If I had yelled out a directive, they likely would have lost the opportunity to figure it out themselves. At some point, the players need to be making their own decisions and communicating with their teammates -- not the coaches or parents. Soccer is a players' game -- in contrast to football, there are very few plays coming in from the sideline -- so the players need to learn to figure it out themselves.
4. From a wins/losses perspective, the more you yell directions -- particularly if your player is actually listening to you -- the more the other team knows what's about to happen, with obvious negative consequences.
5. From a parent/child perspective, yelling at your kid can embarrass them and make the game much less enjoyable for them (and you), particularly if parent directions conflict with those from the coach, which is frequently the case. I've seen kids midgame just stop playing, turn to the sideline, and beg their parent to zip it.
For all these reasons, as a parent I generally avoid shouting out in-game directions to my player . . . except when I'm really talking to the ref: "Hey [player] don't let #9 elbow you in the neck."
1. From the referee perspective, there's a lot of verbal information already flying around the field from those with a formal role in the game -- coaches, teammates, the referee. As a result, shouted direction from parents are frequently unheard by the intended target, and, when heard, frequently conflict with direction from the coach. Good/useful advice from parents is quite rare -- particularly when soccer was not their primary sport as a child.
2. From the coaching perspective, especially at younger ages, kids may be in great physical shape and have good ball skills, but they are often not developmentally ready to spread out, pass the ball, make runs off the ball, etc. Some kids' brains are ready to process all of that at a very young age -- others don't figure it out until later, if at all. Yelling at them to do something their brain doesn't comprehend doesn't do them or you any good. They'll probably figure it out -- just next season.
3. From a player perspective, figuring something out yourself is a better way to learn than having someone else figure it out and tell you what to do. When coaching younger ages, I sometimes had a quiet sideline game with no parent or coach directions to players. I noticed that whatever information I would typically have yelled out was generally figured out by the player on their own -- just a few seconds later. In other words, they often knew what to do -- they just weren't figuring it out as quickly as the adults. If I had yelled out a directive, they likely would have lost the opportunity to figure it out themselves. At some point, the players need to be making their own decisions and communicating with their teammates -- not the coaches or parents. Soccer is a players' game -- in contrast to football, there are very few plays coming in from the sideline -- so the players need to learn to figure it out themselves.
4. From a wins/losses perspective, the more you yell directions -- particularly if your player is actually listening to you -- the more the other team knows what's about to happen, with obvious negative consequences.
5. From a parent/child perspective, yelling at your kid can embarrass them and make the game much less enjoyable for them (and you), particularly if parent directions conflict with those from the coach, which is frequently the case. I've seen kids midgame just stop playing, turn to the sideline, and beg their parent to zip it.
For all these reasons, as a parent I generally avoid shouting out in-game directions to my player . . . except when I'm really talking to the ref: "Hey [player] don't let #9 elbow you in the neck."
chargerfan
GOLD
It's ok to yell at that kid.[/QUOTE]
I think we have all dealt with more than one kid like that on our dd's teams
It is more frustrating at 13 than at 8 though.Chalklines
GOLD
By the 3rd game some parents got very vocal including my self.
It's one thing if the kid was an impact player but constantly doing the same thing and missing wiiiiiiide open teammates constantly made me want to lose my mind.
This is where the football demons come out to play and I just want to yell "get your ass on the bench!!!!!"
In soccer, you generally want your kid to be a starter, but in the middle of the pack, with some kids better than them and some kids worse than them. So you are always going to run into thinking that a player might not be good enough for the team. But that is were is should end, think it but don't say it. That is the coach's job.
In football, they player with the ball has to make an impact. QB hands off to the RB, he needs to find the hole and shake/break a tackle. QB passes to WR. It's WR job to catch the ball and hopefully stay on their feet to beat a defender. There may be a lead blocker, but it's mostly the guy with the ball beating another player. The "other"players all have a job to do and if they don't the QB to RB or QB to WR play breaks down. Aside from getting the ball and being quicker/faster than the DB/LB, there aren't as many decisions to be made as a soccer player has to make. (I grew up playing FB and play and coach soccer now).
And in soccer, every player touches the ball, so parents are more apt to get "excited" versus football, you don't hear to many parents screaming at the left guard or the weak side corner.
Not sure what age you are referring too, but the ability and confidence to try and beat a defender is something that a lot of players are missing. Receiving a ball and quickly getting rid of it is not soccer- that's hot potato.
Players have a ton of decisions with and without the ball in soccer.
With the ball- Go forward- fast or under control. Go backwards. Pass backwards. Pass. Shoot.
Without the ball- am I open? Where do I move to be open? Where is the ball going next? How do I anticipate what's going to happen next. If we lose the ball, what is my responsibility?
So I take it you are not a fan of Bayern Munich, Barcelona, Arsenal, the Japanese Women's national team, etc etc? That all looks like one hot potato to you?
Soccer is a passing game. Please. Even a long ball is a type of pass.
But I'm not really sure what it has to do with sideline etiquette.
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I bet those players learned to dribble before they became great passers.So I take it you are not a fan of Bayern Munich, Barcelona, Arsenal, the Japanese Women's national team, etc etc? That all looks like one hot potato to you?
Soccer is a passing game. Please. Even a long ball is a type of pass.
But I'm not really sure what it has to do with sideline etiquette.
coachrefparent
GOLD
And they learned how to poop in their diapers before they learned to poop in a toilet.
[/QUOTE]
Yes, I agree sitting a bit further away from directly sitting on the sideline helps calm or diffuse any emotions that may be swirling. Especially if watching a game in a stadium as compared to a facility with just a field. Not to mention its the only time you will find me sitting and watching a game. I can escape the chatter without finding a far off place.
I taught my kids shooting, then trapping, then passing, before dribbling. It's easier.
zebrafish
SILVER ELITE
I think this is incredibly difficult. It has taken me a lot of hard work to transition to a good (mostly) sideline parent from a former coach for my own kid.
A lot of helpful suggestions already:
1. Admitting you have a problem or a tendency to a problem is good start
2. Making a contract with another parent (suggestion made about paying $5 for every comment, etc)-- I really like this one
3. Create a distraction for yourself-- doing game video is really helpful for me to keep from saying anything; also, when you review the video you can listen to the sideline comments
4. Sit far away from other parents/kids. You can have a running (low volume) verbal commentary with yourself w/o anyone hearing you.
With time and effort, you'll get better.
I think for a football coach, I can imagine the tendency is to want to over coach a soccer player-- to me, it seems like every movement of football players on offense (for example) is almost completely scripted. Soccer is not like this. Not at all. There is a lot of spontaneous stuff going on.
One thing I also learned was that certain things self-correct without active coaching. My own kid's team kept passing the ball to the center on defense last year. They probably got scored on 20 times doing this when the ball was intercepted. I wanted (but didn't...) to scream 'stop passing to the middle'. But their coach never told them to stop doing it. Fast-forward to this year, and they pass to the middle on defense and only rarely make a mistake. One can argue this outcome is tactically better than a team who can't/won't pass to the middle-- but it created a little pain to get there.
The one good thing as a former coach you can appreciate-- your best parents as a football coach were the ones who put their faith in you to know what you were doing. Find a good soccer coach and do the same. Being a good parent helps the coach do a better job. That is good for your kid.
Finally, try to enjoy watching your kid! It is hard for coaches to "flip the switch" from coach -> parent. But understand that this time in your life is temporary and short. Enjoy it. Your kid may be a so-so or an awesome soccer player. Let the game be theirs.
charlie murphy
SILVER
Here is a pearl. It has been touched on in bits and pieces so far throughout the thread, but here is the answer to ALL side line etiquette. You need to occupy yourself with something, bunch of good ideas so far. all of us have read those but is one better than another? This was the strike of lightning that hit me this morning. It was way too brilliant and raw when it came to me. I had to hold on to this for a while. But now it is too big not to share. So simple but elegant, the best solutions usually are. Can we easily check all the boxes at the same time: to be supportive, mocking, ritaculing, and really vocal all at the same time. If the game is too intense for your demeanor. The refs too unskilled for your expectation. The players too dirty for your tastes. Is there on shared solution? YES, here is the answer. Organize your parents one night during the practice and begin teach them chants. You can't do the drum thing so don't let that dad even state banging on the orange home depot bucket. Start with some of the G rated ones from the euro's. Build slow, learn the words, the tunes should be familiar. if you start with your team when they are U8ers you should have one hell of a rowdy crew by U14 and by u17. If you all chant , you all can't be kick out , if you are and you're the home team take your ball. CHANTING
Chalklines
GOLD
Music did not help this weekend but standing and staying further back from the action did.
I'm sure with time things will get easier.
Thanks for all the advice.
I'm sure with time things will get easier.
Thanks for all the advice.
younothat
PREMIER
Mystery Train
GOLD
The very fact that you're self-aware enough to recognize your own behavioral tendencies and question whether or not it is acceptable means that you are way ahead of 75% of sports parents (not just soccer). So you will be fine, eventually.
I am assuming your kid is in the "younger" category (below U14)...if not, my apologies.
When it's your first go-round, it is really hard to hold the emotions in check. My DD's first team had a family on it who had 2 kids in college playing soccer and 2 more on older club teams. They were the coolest customers on the sideline because they'd seen it all. Never got upset during a game, sat over to the side away from the other parents. Didn't really socialize. It took me a while, but I aspired to be like them. Act like you've been there before. Even if you haven't.
SplitSoccerFamMom
SILVER
Mystery Train
GOLD
As parent of a GK, I've often violated this "rule" to be closer to my daughter, especially if filming her (some leagues mandate parents all on the same sideline, but segregated by the half-way line). Whenever I do this, I always keep my mouth shut, NEVER say a word, not even to cheer a goal or save. Most of the other parents can tell that I'm from the other team, but have never given me a hard time or commented on my presence. Sometimes, I'll even say to the closest parent, "Hi, I'm the GK's dad, I just want to film here, and I promise I won't cause any trouble." That always breaks the ice and things are very polite and friendly from there on. Furthermore, if someone did give me a hard time, I'd simply go back to my team's spot without a word, because I know the rule. Still, it it is a good way to make you keep your trap shut. I noticed it often also has the same effect on the other team's parents, where they will be noticeably inclined to be more polite because I'm there. The rule is there of course because it is easy to get into verbal back and forth with the other team's parents. All it takes is for one person to yell "Foul!" and the other parent to go, "No, it wasn't," and things can get ugly quickly. So if you don't have any self-control, definitely stay on your team's end.