yelling coach

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My DD played a team this weekend that had a coach that yelled at his team for the entire game. I mean YELLED! Not only the typical joystick commands but calling kids out by name.."what's wrong with you?" "That's horrible!" etc. At one point, he smashes his water bottle on the ground, subs a player because she didn't take a shot, meets her on the sideline gets in her face, she goes behind the bench to grab water, and he goes back to add more wisdom.

Why? Why would a coach do this? Why would a parent let their kid play for this guy?
 
I frequently find myself asking the same question. While I don't think the behavior described is appropriate at any age, I hope the children weren't too young.

All I can think of is that it is some combination of:
  • The team wins and the parents like that
  • The parents don't know that the coach will likely cause their child to quit the sport
  • The parents themselves are bully's and think that bullying young people is appropriate and effective
  • The parents don't know there there are many coaches that get the most out of their players while keeping things positive over 90% of the time.
 
They are also the same coaches that have full rosters and a waiting list of players hoping to get a spot on next years squad. It is interesting to see how here on the forum, parents make all the right choices and say the right things, but I have noticed that these parents aren't walking the walk or talking the talk. Otherwise, all coaches would be positive, there would be no scorekeeping and every team would play possession.

Oddly enough, what I see out on the pitch everyday tells me otherwise.
 
How about the coaches that throw things at players, yup seen that this weekend in a ussda game. Opposing coach threw his clipboard at defender during his walk back during halftime. Also loudly berated his players anytime they did something he didn't like, " what are you doing this or that for"

Some coaches care way too much about winning than the players and will act out loudly like children rather than adults. Playing out of fear instead of love is no way for children to learn and continue playing with heart.
 
My DD played a team this weekend that had a coach that yelled at his team for the entire game. I mean YELLED! Not only the typical joystick commands but calling kids out by name.."what's wrong with you?" "That's horrible!" etc. At one point, he smashes his water bottle on the ground, subs a player because she didn't take a shot, meets her on the sideline gets in her face, she goes behind the bench to grab water, and he goes back to add more wisdom.

Why? Why would a coach do this? Why would a parent let their kid play for this guy?

What age?
 
I have to keep this professional.

I get the Blues every time I go to the store because the Baker always yells at me. The dumb people keep going back to the Baker because he wins awards for his pastries despite the yelling.

As a referee I have had to talk to several coaches over the years and remind them of the Cal South coaches ethics policy or tournament rules that state the coach will give direction to his players in a positive manner and tone. The joystick coaches are annoying but usually positive. They just annoy me because they will not shut up and let the players figure the game out on their own.
 
As I just left the Vice Principal's from a meeting with a teacher that uses imitation to accomplish his goals (btw he is also one of the Varsity Football coaches), I have thought a whole lot about this issue. Intimidation and degrading of a player should never be a course of action because that use of power or authority to force others to do what you want is called a Bully. Having said that, the mere act of yelling does not in my book constitute intimidation. Many times it is a coach who is extremely passionate which is also one of his traits that makes him a good coach. As I tell my daughter, if he doesn't follow up what he is yelling about with "You suck" or the like, take it as a learning tool from a skilled passionate coach who wants to make you better and sees you can be better. In addition, and in many situations, I have heard those passionate coaches praise with the same amount of passion. I witnessed a coach pull off a player and talk to her for not taking a kick and then I watched her score 2 goals. I witnessed the same coach commend his players for taking the kick even though it wasn't an accurate kick. The fine line is what is demoralizing and what is training. Yelling in and of itself does not automatically mean demoralizing. What you see at a game doesn't always show the whole picture of the relationship between the coach and the player.
 
"what's wrong with you?"

I heard this at a boys' game just before my kid played this weekend. Makes my blood boil when I hear it. That is one of the worst things a coach can yell at a player (besides using profanity and outright insults). All that does is completely demoralize a player. I don't care if the kid just made the dumbest decision possible on the field, yelling "What's wrong with you?" isn't going to improve anything in the slightest. What I wouldn't give to, just once, hear a player respond, "Well, for starters, you're my coach."
 
My younger son (Bo7) was on a team where the coach cussed (in Spanish) at players. I challenged him and my boy was cut from the team as a result. None of the other parents seemed to care. Then the special practices started (only starters invited). Then they started telling the non-starters that they were being subbed off because "we need our good players on the field." The core group of parents liked winning. As they moved into this season (9v9) they went from a squad of 12 players to a squad of 10. They have stated that they will get 2 guest players for each game at the tournaments they go to.

We are in a small town and this is the only team for this age group for 150 miles.

Focused on winning.
 
My DD played a team this weekend that had a coach that yelled at his team for the entire game. I mean YELLED! Not only the typical joystick commands but calling kids out by name.."what's wrong with you?" "That's horrible!" etc. At one point, he smashes his water bottle on the ground, subs a player because she didn't take a shot, meets her on the sideline gets in her face, she goes behind the bench to grab water, and he goes back to add more wisdom.

Why? Why would a coach do this? Why would a parent let their kid play for this guy?

There's a film that explores this very question in the jazz band world and has become one of my favorite films, from the maker of "LalaLand": "Whiplash". The film doesn't really take a position, but asks a lot of interesting questions.

Different kids are different. A lot depends on the age, relationship, and what it is the player did well or wrong. The trick is knowing where the line is, and that's why it's more of an art than a science. The line will be different with different kids. I don't really have an issue with the "that's horrible" so long as the kid is told why it's horrible. The "what's wrong with you" is dicier because it goes to the core competence of the player and makes it about them, not the skill. But to say no yelling, or all coaching must be positive, is also not really the way to go...sometimes kids need to be pushed.

The best teacher I had was in 6th grade...she was a mean ol' nun. Until then I skated by at school but she saw something in me, and pushed me. She didn't take my excuses, she yelled at me when I made them, and made me take responsibility for my failures. But she never called me an idiot, or a loser, or made me feel bad about myself (just for my behavior in cutting corners...she never called me lazy but was plenty clear when I was being lazy). I hated her at the time, but I still find myself thinking about that teacher every once in a while as an adult. She told me how the world really was, and I am what I am in part because of her. I'm very grateful to have had someone that cared enough to push me, and to push me in a way that cared and was appropriate for my age and personality.
 
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There's a film that explores this very question in the jazz band world and has become one of my favorite films, from the maker of "LalaLand": "Whiplash". The film doesn't really take a position, but asks a lot of interesting questions.

Different kids are different. A lot depends on the age, relationship, and what it is the player did well or wrong. The trick is knowing where the line is, and that's why it's more of an art than a science. The line will be different with different kids. I don't really have an issue with the "that's horrible" so long as the kid is told why it's horrible. The "what's wrong with you" is dicier because it goes to the core competence of the player and makes it about them, not the skill. But to say no yelling, or all coaching must be positive, is also not really the way to go...sometimes kids need to be pushed.

The best teacher I had was in 6th grade...she was a mean ol' nun. Until then I skated by at school but she saw something in me, and pushed me. She didn't take my excuses, she yelled at me when I made them, and made me take responsibility for my failures. But she never called me an idiot, or a loser, or made me feel bad about myself (just for my behavior in cutting corners...she never called me lazy but was plenty clear when I was being lazy). I hated her at the time, but I still find myself thinking about that teacher every once in a while as an adult. She told me how the world really was, and I am what I am in part because of her. I'm very grateful to have had someone that cared enough to push me, and to push me in a way that cared and was appropriate for my age and personality.
Agree agree agree. I was just talking to my kids about my fourth grade teacher who was awesome even though I had to write about a thousand sentences in her class as a discipline measure.

Love this statement: "Different kids are different. A lot depends on the age, relationship, and what it is the player did well or wrong. The trick is knowing where the line is, and that's why it's more of an art than a science. The line will be different with different kids. I don't really have an issue with the "that's horrible" so long as the kid is told why it's horrible. The "what's wrong with you" is dicier because it goes to the core competence of the player and makes it about them, not the skill. But to say no yelling, or all coaching must be positive, is also not really the way to go...sometimes kids need to be pushed. " And by the way, my kid needs to be pushed. She would still be sitting on the edge of the pool with her floaty on if I didn't push her to believe in herself.
 
There's a film that explores this very question in the jazz band world and has become one of my favorite films, from the maker of "LalaLand": "Whiplash". The film doesn't really take a position, but asks a lot of interesting questions.

Different kids are different. A lot depends on the age, relationship, and what it is the player did well or wrong. The trick is knowing where the line is, and that's why it's more of an art than a science. The line will be different with different kids. I don't really have an issue with the "that's horrible" so long as the kid is told why it's horrible. The "what's wrong with you" is dicier because it goes to the core competence of the player and makes it about them, not the skill. But to say no yelling, or all coaching must be positive, is also not really the way to go...sometimes kids need to be pushed.

The best teacher I had was in 6th grade...she was a mean ol' nun. Until then I skated by at school but she saw something in me, and pushed me. She didn't take my excuses, she yelled at me when I made them, and made me take responsibility for my failures. But she never called me an idiot, or a loser, or made me feel bad about myself (just for my behavior in cutting corners...she never called me lazy but was plenty clear when I was being lazy). I hated her at the time, but I still find myself thinking about that teacher every once in a while as an adult. She told me how the world really was, and I am what I am in part because of her. I'm very grateful to have had someone that cared enough to push me, and to push me in a way that cared and was appropriate for my age and personality.
Sure, there are ways in which yelling can be productive. And we shouldn't confuse passion with abuse, or motivation with bullying. My DD's GK coach uses his intensity to make practices pressurized so that the games will be fun. He knows when to yell (when players are not listening or following clear direction), when not to (mistakes), but more importantly WHAT to yell (instruction). And he knows how to build up confidence with soft words of encouragement. However, I don't think "What is wrong with you?" to be dicey at all. It's just flat out bad, lazy coaching. "That's horrible" isn't much better.
 
There's a film that explores this very question in the jazz band world and has become one of my favorite films, from the maker of "LalaLand": "Whiplash". The film doesn't really take a position, but asks a lot of interesting questions.

DS and I are always quoting Whiplash's "Not quite my tempo." As an aside, I can't imagine starting a thrown object fight with a drummer, they have more ammo.

While I regret letting "What's wrong with you" escaped my mouth back when I was coaching rec, at least it was because two of my players were fighting at practice while my back was turned.

If some coach threw something at one of my kids in anger, there would definitely be a police report.
 
I don't have a problem with coaches being loud, or even a little joysticky, as long as it is instructive. "You screwed up" doesn't help, but "You gave their keeper an easy save while Billy was open at the far post" is actual instruction.
 
My DD played a team this weekend that had a coach that yelled at his team for the entire game. I mean YELLED! Not only the typical joystick commands but calling kids out by name.."what's wrong with you?" "That's horrible!" etc. At one point, he smashes his water bottle on the ground, subs a player because she didn't take a shot, meets her on the sideline gets in her face, she goes behind the bench to grab water, and he goes back to add more wisdom.

Why? Why would a coach do this? Why would a parent let their kid play for this guy?
Unfortunately, the business of youth soccer has grown so exponentially that we've out paced the supply of decent coaches and quality coach training. These kids are not adults, they do not learn the same way as adults do, no matter how much we desire.
 
In my view - weekend games are like exam time in school. None of my professors walked around giving students advice and instruction on how to pass the test and answer questions.

Games at the youth level are for putting into practice what is taught in a training session and learning to execute in game situations. You cannot make up for a poor curriculum, or poorly constructed training sessions by screaming your head off and trying to fix player mistakes in a game - at that point it's too late - 99 times out of 100 the player knows they made a mistake without you berating them. If there is a glaring issue, you pull the player off and speak with them privately, and allow them to re-set their head and get the mistake off their mind - then send them back onto the field. Or you speak with them/the team at halftime.

For my younger age groups, I think reminders and positive feedback (like training wheels) are okay, "hey right back, check your shoulders.", "hey center back, make sure everyone is assigned a mark for the corner", "hey ____, can we look to play feet out of the back next time?"
But for my high level older group - training wheels come off, soccer is an intellectual game and you shouldn't need my guidance, aside from a tactical change, or a glaring problem due to disorganization - they need to figure it out. If I need to yell at a kid - that's something that should have been addressed on the training ground and it means I need to do a better job.

As a 12 year old I was once called a "Stupid (my country of origin)" in the middle of a game by a guy who is now running a club that he named after himself up in the LA area. We've since gotten over it, but it never made sense to me why he had to insult me, my family - who escaped a civil war to get here, and heritage because I made a bad pass - especially because there was no feedback after the insult. I make sure to regularly beat his teams now.
 
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