So my 15 year old is done with soccer. Taking him to practice has become a nightmare. It's always a stressful situation getting him to go to practices and games. The problem is he wants to play video games all day. I'm to the point where I just want to give up pushing him. I told him he can pick another sport however he doesn't want to do anything. It's been two years since taking him to practice has turned into a nightmare. What would you do?
When to let your kid quit?
- Thread starter Desert619
- Start date
NoGoal
DA
If he doesn't love the game anymore. Why force him? Let him quit, maybe he will miss it and play the following year. If he only wants to play video games then buy him FIFA 2017
SoccerQ120
BRONZE
We live in a world where our kids just don't go out and play in the neighborhood anymore, so sports is still a great way to get our kids some exercise and keep them away from the electronics. Additionally, I think sports is a great way to keep our children active and out of trouble. I find my children perform better in school when they are more active, so there are just so many positives to sports.
At 15, your son is nearing young adulthood. I do think it is important to give your son choices, but you are still the parent and even though your son will continue to get more independent, he still needs his parental guidance.
If it were me, I wouldn't force him into soccer, but I would make him find some type of physical activity to replace soccer. Give him a choice, you can stop soccer, but if you don't replace it with another sports or physical activity then you also lose your Xbox or video games. Then he still gets to make his own decision, but at least there is a consequence to making the decision you don't agree with.
The other thought is I would try and dialogue with him and find out why he no longer likes soccer. I know it is not always easy getting a 15 year old teenager to open up, but if you keep asking the same question over and over, he may start to open up and you may get some interesting answers. Maybe he still likes soccer but doesn't like his circumstances. Maybe he is not happy with a teammate(s), coach, parental pressure (no insinuation, just a thought), etc. Knowing the why could help you chart a better course for the future.
Just my humble 2 cents. Hope it is helpful.
At 15, your son is nearing young adulthood. I do think it is important to give your son choices, but you are still the parent and even though your son will continue to get more independent, he still needs his parental guidance.
If it were me, I wouldn't force him into soccer, but I would make him find some type of physical activity to replace soccer. Give him a choice, you can stop soccer, but if you don't replace it with another sports or physical activity then you also lose your Xbox or video games. Then he still gets to make his own decision, but at least there is a consequence to making the decision you don't agree with.
The other thought is I would try and dialogue with him and find out why he no longer likes soccer. I know it is not always easy getting a 15 year old teenager to open up, but if you keep asking the same question over and over, he may start to open up and you may get some interesting answers. Maybe he still likes soccer but doesn't like his circumstances. Maybe he is not happy with a teammate(s), coach, parental pressure (no insinuation, just a thought), etc. Knowing the why could help you chart a better course for the future.
Just my humble 2 cents. Hope it is helpful.
GunninGopher
SILVER ELITE
A well written post, I totally agree.
Ever since they were little, we've told our kids that they have to be involved in a sport. We don't care which sport or what level, but it has to involve some sort of commitment. Physical activity is also a part of our mindset.
If you take that stance with your 15 year old (I also have one), then I would expect him to retort with some facts about how gaming is a sport these days. So be prepared for that. I my family, we have taken steps which wouldn't allow our kids sufficient time on electronics to become competitive at video games.
Let him play! I've been in your shoes and it would kill me to see my kid play video games for so many hours! However, besides me not liking him be so sedentary, my son is a straight A student and a really good kid. If video games is your only problem, consider yourself lucky! I had to take a step back, see the big picture, and consider this when I was going through this same problem.
I did keep reminding him to keep healthy and get outside to do something - bike, walk, jog. I even signed him up at the local Y (it was only like $20 bucks a month). My son is now a senior, his grades continue to be at the top of his class and he still loves video games! He goes out for a run in the morning before school about 3 times a week. Most importantly, we still have a good relationship because I backed off the video games - (we would have some epic arguments)!
Hang in there and best of luck.
My daughter had a couple of enjoyable years in the rec program. Then she was invited to GU9 tryouts and made the team. I could see, and she could see, that she was the weakest player on that team. She grew to hate going to practice, so I let her drop it. The next year, one of her rec coaches started a GU10 B team and asked her to play on it - we knew the coach and her family because my sons had played on a team with their boy for years, so she agreed and had a good time that year. However, about then her school/girl scout friends started playing lacrosse, so she switched sports and never looked back. She ended up a starter on her HS lacrosse team and still has a network of friends from that time.
My main concern with this would be if the kid or family has college aspirations, especially for higher level school (eg top 50). Being a straight A student with good test scores isn't enough for most of the higher tiered schools. You have to have something else. I've done lots of interviewing for an ivy and have seen it all- from fake charities to resumes packed with activities. I've seen many a straight a student dinged because their extracurricular weren't up to snuff. Socialization is just as important- I've seen kids without friends who spend their time in the library dinged as well.
bababooey
GOLD
I went through something very similar with my older dd (who is 15 too). She played softball for six or seven years and could have been a great player if she wanted to. Her first few years in softball, we would practice a fair amount of time outside of her team practice schedule. As she got older, she wanted to practice with me less and less. At first I had a hard time understanding why she would not want to keep practicing with dad.
Eventually I had to just stop asking as I could see it was leading to a divide between her and I on other matters. She stopped playing for about a year and a half and I thought it was over for good. Then this past summer, she said she wanted to play again. I was excited that she had rediscovered her passion for softball. Then after the season, she informed me that she just didn't have the desire for softball anymore.
She has a tough schedule at school (freshman this year) and that occupies a lot of her personal time. She really doesn't have time for softball and studies.
Keep in mind that your 15 year old will be off to college soon. Why fight with them between now and then? If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have a problem with video games as long as the grades are all "A's".
Eventually I had to just stop asking as I could see it was leading to a divide between her and I on other matters. She stopped playing for about a year and a half and I thought it was over for good. Then this past summer, she said she wanted to play again. I was excited that she had rediscovered her passion for softball. Then after the season, she informed me that she just didn't have the desire for softball anymore.
She has a tough schedule at school (freshman this year) and that occupies a lot of her personal time. She really doesn't have time for softball and studies.
Keep in mind that your 15 year old will be off to college soon. Why fight with them between now and then? If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have a problem with video games as long as the grades are all "A's".
I agree it is addictive and I know it can have a negative effect on grades. However, there may be some minor offsetting benefits - My older son sold his account on one game in an eBay auction, and the other suggested online gaming tournaments when interviewing at a secondary-ticket-market company - and he got the job.
younothat
PREMIER
Your kid has already decided, I know it can be difficult to understand but this situation reminds me of the old proverb "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink"
I remember my son telling me he was done with Little League Baseball out of the blue at the end of the post season and all-stars. I was a bit surprised at first and thought maybe after some time he would change his mind but didn't really talk to him much about it until the coaches started calling about fall ball. He basically told me he didn't have the desire anymore to put in the time to play at the level he wanted, he has always been a self starter and would practice hitting and pitching on his own all the time. Takes too many hours he told be and he wanted to focus on other things now.
I cherished the moments we played catch together, hit, pitched and learned the game, this was the one and only sport he play(s)ed I had a background in so it was joy watching him grow, develop, and become a complete competitive player but in the end it was better to let make his own decisions and go his own way. Other than asking him if he was sure about half dozen times and telling the disappointed coaches who thought we were crazy he never looked back and we still play catch and pickup baseball with friends every once in while specially during the MLB post seasons.
IF the kids gets joy out of playing video games my advice is don't discourage them, moderate yes. One of mine is a FIFA nut and knows that everything else; school, academics, sports, and other obligations should come first and sometimes I have to remind him of this but he does a pretty good job at self moderation, I check every once in while to see how many hours are spent and occasionally we have to agree on some adjustments
Open two way communications and understanding goes a long way, not easy and teens can be stubborn and think they know it all already bit we just have to remind them they have a long way to go and they need to continue to grow, work on many things and develop as young adults.
Kids grow up so quickly nowadays so enjoy the moments when you can, the are fleeting is seems as the older the get but is still fun to play pickup with them, talk about the newest music, there favorite teams, players, are there latest muse'es
I remember my son telling me he was done with Little League Baseball out of the blue at the end of the post season and all-stars. I was a bit surprised at first and thought maybe after some time he would change his mind but didn't really talk to him much about it until the coaches started calling about fall ball. He basically told me he didn't have the desire anymore to put in the time to play at the level he wanted, he has always been a self starter and would practice hitting and pitching on his own all the time. Takes too many hours he told be and he wanted to focus on other things now.
I cherished the moments we played catch together, hit, pitched and learned the game, this was the one and only sport he play(s)ed I had a background in so it was joy watching him grow, develop, and become a complete competitive player but in the end it was better to let make his own decisions and go his own way. Other than asking him if he was sure about half dozen times and telling the disappointed coaches who thought we were crazy he never looked back and we still play catch and pickup baseball with friends every once in while specially during the MLB post seasons.
IF the kids gets joy out of playing video games my advice is don't discourage them, moderate yes. One of mine is a FIFA nut and knows that everything else; school, academics, sports, and other obligations should come first and sometimes I have to remind him of this but he does a pretty good job at self moderation, I check every once in while to see how many hours are spent and occasionally we have to agree on some adjustments
Open two way communications and understanding goes a long way, not easy and teens can be stubborn and think they know it all already bit we just have to remind them they have a long way to go and they need to continue to grow, work on many things and develop as young adults.
Kids grow up so quickly nowadays so enjoy the moments when you can, the are fleeting is seems as the older the get but is still fun to play pickup with them, talk about the newest music, there favorite teams, players, are there latest muse'es
You are talking about a stereotype kid that plays all alone in front of his computer. Games nowadays are social in that they are playing with each other online. I agree - not the best type of socialization - but socializing nonetheless. A balance is the right way to go--taking away something a kid loves to do is just going to lead to resentment. I'm just saying what worked for us - my kid got to do something he was passionate about - it led to key positions in his robotics team (in programming) as well as lead positions in his engineering design class. And btw, he has applied to all the Ivy league and top universities. Decisions are just starting to roll in. He hasn't been declined so far. Sports is great and important--it's not the end all though! Happiness and being well adjusted - that's number one - at least imo.
My son and daughter share an apartment. She told me that sometimes the only way to communicate with him is by online text because he is completely absorbed in the game conversations.
Frank
GOLD
It's a life decision. I wouldn't let my kid decide not to go to school anymore so why would I let him bail out on something he is reasonably good at and has invested a lot of time in. Mine sorta went through that around 13 yo and eventually worked his way through those 6 months and now loves training. I think the maturity helped. We preached to come up with another option if he was serious about not playing and he never could. However, again it is up to you to determine what is best for your child in the long run until they have a developed brain to be able to make those decisions. Kids don't see the long term trade offs.
Congrats but I note robotics team is something particularly if you are interested and show an interest in majoring in engineering. It shows you have a passion for what you want to do in college. It doesn't have to be a sport, but you need to have something, and also have friends.
I am in a similar situation with my 14 year old. Playing 7 years, 3 years in club. Started as the weakest link on her first club team but played every second of every game last season and the girls made in into the round of 16. Her team fell apart and she was offered a spot on 3 other local flight 2 teams. She has close friends on all 3 teams. The coaches and teams are all decent, even better than her last club.
Still, She says she doesn't want to play. She says she'll join track and volleyball. I don't want to push too much. She is a straight A kid. She does play video games but not to an excess. She is also a band geek and was drum major this year. I am hoping that by giving her the choice and letting her decide to quit, she will reconsider.
I love watching my kids play soccer...after shuttling kids around so cal for the last 7 years, its strange not being on a field every weekend. But when it comes down to it, if she doesn't feel for the game anymore, I got to let it go.
Still, She says she doesn't want to play. She says she'll join track and volleyball. I don't want to push too much. She is a straight A kid. She does play video games but not to an excess. She is also a band geek and was drum major this year. I am hoping that by giving her the choice and letting her decide to quit, she will reconsider.
I love watching my kids play soccer...after shuttling kids around so cal for the last 7 years, its strange not being on a field every weekend. But when it comes down to it, if she doesn't feel for the game anymore, I got to let it go.
SoccerFan4Life
PREMIER
This is a great topic. I am going through the same with my 13 year old kids. I am giving them a break from soccer but I made them join a gym. They are going 2 times a week and I am asking them to pick another sport (any sport). I asked the current coach to give me til this summer to see if they want to go back to soccer. Keeping them active is very important but they also need to take a break. This is the biggest problem with club soccer in this country. Club Soccer (Flight 2/1) Kids have maybe 2 weeks off in Christmas and that's it. The burn out factor is probably one of the main reasons why kids quit soccer and go on to the 3 major sports.
Frank
GOLD
It's a softball article but still relevant.
https://softballisforgirls.com/2017...hinking-about-quitting-softball-is-for-girls/
https://softballisforgirls.com/2017...hinking-about-quitting-softball-is-for-girls/