Poaching Players (Team Manager Ethics)
- Thread starter Daijobdes
- Start date
To Expand on this... Lies were told to some of the players to cover up the group that was leaving. One kid asked the TMs kid "Are you leaving the team?" The kid asking overheard them talking but didn't hear the whole story.... The TM's kid denied he was leaving even though he had tried out the week before. Parents instructing their kids “to lie to friends” was unforgivable.
To follow up...I understand one or two kids going out for greener pastures. I do not understand when a TM "guts" the team and tells half the team to lie about it... That is unethical and reprehensible behavior. The TM has a duty to treat everyone equally... if not resign and do your planning outside the guise of team leadership.
Yes, that always cracks me up... parents who think that they can take their kid to a tryout and nobody will find out. Ummm.... hello? Have we not figured out how small the club soccer world is by now? If parents want to tell their kids not to say anything.. that's on them I am not here to tell people how to parent their children but I will say this.... PEOPLE WILL FIND OUT. But now I'm completely getting off the topic and don't want to hijack the thread so I will shut up now.
Hope everyone is surviving all the lack of soccer and family time
stay safe and healthy everyone!!Things I’ve learned over years of elite soccer:
1. Pick the coach that is right for your player.
2. Make sure the club has a solid reputation of ethics and the right priorities.
3. If the level of play is not correct for your player, make a change if you want to go somewhere in soccer (college, pros etc)- no matter what friends are there or what fantasies or promises you have been told.
4. Make decisions that are right for your player and screw what everyone one else has to say. As a parent you have to do what is best for your player.
5. The truly best players will continue to rise to the top and shine- others that are not truly great will eventually drop off as time goes by.
6. Never stay with a club, coach or team that is destructive or toxic for your player. Never stay where you are not respected.
7. You do not have an obligation to sacrifice your players overall well being because someone else thinks you should do one thing or another.
7. If you aren’t happy on a team you have a right to leave - youth soccer is not indentured servitude
1. Pick the coach that is right for your player.
2. Make sure the club has a solid reputation of ethics and the right priorities.
3. If the level of play is not correct for your player, make a change if you want to go somewhere in soccer (college, pros etc)- no matter what friends are there or what fantasies or promises you have been told.
4. Make decisions that are right for your player and screw what everyone one else has to say. As a parent you have to do what is best for your player.
5. The truly best players will continue to rise to the top and shine- others that are not truly great will eventually drop off as time goes by.
6. Never stay with a club, coach or team that is destructive or toxic for your player. Never stay where you are not respected.
7. You do not have an obligation to sacrifice your players overall well being because someone else thinks you should do one thing or another.
7. If you aren’t happy on a team you have a right to leave - youth soccer is not indentured servitude
I agree on the friends who lie part. You lie to my dd once and it's dog house time. Next lie, no friendship.
foreveryoung
SILVER ELITE
Who is "you" here, the parent or the child?
This is like asking your SO "Do you still love me?" How is he/she supposed to answer this? If he answers yes, it would be bad for team morale. If no, he would be lying eventually. The person who is asked this question cannot win. However, I agree...leaving is fine but recruiting a majority of the players to join another team seem unethical.
Why do you think they didn’t invite you and your kid along? I think you’re focusing on what happened when you should be focusing on why.
Yes. I understand. It could be a myriad of reasons. They may not have liked me or my kid. I understand that.
Issue: 6 parents/players know they are leaving the team. 7 parents/believe the team is staying together.11V11. The TM had a moral and ethical duty to notify the team that they needed to try out for other teams in January.
7 kids missed tryouts in January because the TM was negligent .It was already going to be an issue because January tryout season was missed. Now with COVID-19 it could be months before the 7 get on other teams.
Again the team breaking up was unfortunate... but how it broke up helped a few and left others high and dry for a time without a team.
Q. Where is the coach in all this? Just curious. Can you share without names? Is the coach staying? Did he leave with the gang of six? Sounds like a ship without a captain and that my friend is a ship headed to no mans land. Get off the ship and look for another ship to sail with. Watch out for the Black Pearl.
Eagle33
PREMIER
I wouldn't worry about being picked up on a team. Many teams will be looking once this is over.
rainbow_unicorn
PREMIER
TM does not have an obligation to watch out for your kid's future development. That's your job. Any team can fall apart after the season is over...it's the parent's job to make sure they have options to pursue.
As a TM I have observed a pattern over the years - Kids that improve the least/are lowest performing have parents that complain the most and blame others. Go figure.
What does this have anything to do with development? It was a team that made a commitment to play together for one year. The TM (according to OP) got six parents together and left them high and dry mid season with no team. Again, where is the coach? I need info on the coach before I make a final judgement on this case. Right now, I think the TM sucks in this situation. "Don;t tell Sally were taking off mid season. Just lie honey. Shhhhhhhh"
At first I did not agree with you on this... But I do see your point.... it really comes down to ethics and morals..
Ethics and morals relate to “right” and “wrong” conduct. While they are sometimes used interchangeably, they are different: ethics refer to rules provided by an external source, e.g., codes of conduct in workplaces or principles in religions. Morals refer to an individual's own principles regarding right and wrong.
The TMs morals are suspect but he may not be ethically bound to do anything. I reviewed the code of conduct for the club and it did not have an ethical code of conduct for the team. RED FLAG. It did say "have an open line of communication with the parents". FWTW.
rainbow_unicorn
PREMIER
The point I'm trying to make is don't place all of your trust into a club, team, coach or TM. If you do you will eventually be disappointed. Own your kids individual development, have them work hard to get better on their own, find a coach who will work to improve the players, don't worry so much about trophies. And then sit back, enjoy the game and everything will fall into place.
Surf Zombie
GOLD
When my 2007 daughter (who is my oldest) was U9 we were in our family’s first year of club soccer. Completely oblivious to the club soccer world. That was the year before the birth year change and she was on a team full of her friends from school who were 2006, 2007 & 2008 players. Everyone got along great and the kids and parents were a pleasure to be around.
When we got to about a month before tryouts, with the birth year change looming, just about every parent on that team went into secret agent mode. People lying, kids trying out at 5 different clubs, certain parents trying to hold the 2007s together, other parents trying to get us to go someplace as a “package deal” to another club.
It was a huge eye opener. From that moment on I learned a very important club soccer lesson, which is, as much as you like the other kids or parents, you absolutely have to look out for your own kid’s interest at all times and that is where your decision making should start and ends. None of the other parents, including the team manager, can be counted on to look out for your kid and you can’t expect that.
When we got to about a month before tryouts, with the birth year change looming, just about every parent on that team went into secret agent mode. People lying, kids trying out at 5 different clubs, certain parents trying to hold the 2007s together, other parents trying to get us to go someplace as a “package deal” to another club.
It was a huge eye opener. From that moment on I learned a very important club soccer lesson, which is, as much as you like the other kids or parents, you absolutely have to look out for your own kid’s interest at all times and that is where your decision making should start and ends. None of the other parents, including the team manager, can be counted on to look out for your kid and you can’t expect that.
outside!
DA
Parents and players should always honor their season commitments (as long as there is no abusive behavior from the coach/club), but when that season is over it is nobody else's business but theirs what they are considering for the next season until that decision is made. That is also true for the coach, club and teammates. Don't tell lies and if it is time to move on, move on. As Surf Zombie says, look out for what is best for your player, but remember that includes setting a good example in honesty and honorable behavior.
Jason DiDomenico
BRONZE
Amen!
Yeah, I can’t imagine how awful some of the remaining parents must have been that so many families felt compelled to leave right in the middle of the season.