How to leave a team?!?!?

This article was pivotal in our decision, so though I would share - it's in a basketball forum but I think it still applies.

https://www.competitivedge.com/unfair-coach

What stood out to me was the line:

"Sometimes he may assure you that indeed you are getting close to breaking into the line-up and if you just did A, B or C a little bit more, you'd get there. But when you do, nothing ever changes!"

The realization we've come to is he really hasn't been paying attention to her and already had in his mind from day one who he wanted to develop and play. When we asked for feedback he had to think about it and said she needs to just do XYZ but I actually have on video her doing those things very well already - in fact way more consistently than the starters. So then he said she needs to work on something else and again it's something she undeniably outperforms her teammates - I know what her weaknesses are and they are obvious - at least name one of those!

He's a good coach in terms of approach to the game, but at the end of the day, of we're paying for our kids to play and develop, they need to get a fair shake. If the coach doesn't think she's good enough to even get decent playing time on the team or to invest in, he shouldn't have recruited her. Once he takes her on the team, he has a responsibility to treat her fairly. sometimes that won't happen, and if that's the case, it's not a coach you want to play for. At least this is my takeway from this experience...
 
You are making the right decision to make a change. If the coach is not interested in your DD, for whatever reason, it is not the right place for her. If you were to stay you will continue to be unhappy and it will never change. Either he is interested or he isn't. Once a coach classifies your daughter in a certain way, that often does not change.

No matter how well planned out and mature you are about the change, you will find some coaches, DOC's, parents and other players that may act out in some inappropriate way about your decision but you have no control over this. As long as you are making the decision that is best for your player that is all you can do.

You should talk to your current coach first, don't criticize him or his decisions just make it about finding a better fit and development and thank him for his time. Funny, how paying customers are nervous about expecting customer satisfaction and if they express they are not happy with the product they often get punished by the vendors of the product.
 
How many games has this team played?
Not starting is not the same as not getting minutes. How much is she playing in a game?
Does she only play 1 position? (Her choice or the coach?)
Remember too- if she starts then another kid sits. And that parent is pissed off too.
 
A little bit more insight on the mind of a coach-
A team needs to substitute at some point. If you have your absolute best 11 (or 9, I dont remember what age we are talking about here) on for the 1st 10 minutes and then swap out for 3 "lesser" players, then the next 10 minutes could be trouble for your team. So maybe you have 1 or 2 of the "lesser" players starting the game and then when you sub, your team is just as strong or stronger than how you started.
Or - has a kid missed practice once in a while (with probably a very valid reason). I may start a "lesser" player if a "star" player has missed more practices lately.
I back 4 are typically the same week after week. And they play the most minutes. (when they were younger we rotated positions a lot. Still do a little bit) My mid and front line are somewhat interchangeable and I play a variety of combinations, with different players starting or coming off of the bench for a variety of reasons.

How many on the roster?
 
timbuck said:
How many games has this team played?
Not starting is not the same as not getting minutes. How much is she playing in a game?
Does she only play 1 position? (Her choice or the coach?)
Remember too- if she starts then another kid sits. And that parent is pissed off too.
Click to expand...
In theory, you suppose to give more time to the better players so the ones who need to improve would work harder to increase that playing time. This is not AYSO. Everyone plays an equal amount of time. I don't get mad when my DD doesn't play the whole game or even 20 min. This is telling me and her the she needs to practice more. This supposed to be competitive soccer, but I know a lot of times politics get on the way.
 
Joe Diaz said:
In theory, you suppose to give more time to the better players so the ones who need to improve would work harder to increase that playing time. This is not AYSO. Everyone plays an equal amount of time. I don't get mad when my DD doesn't play the whole game or even 20 min. This is telling me and her the she needs to practice more. This supposed to be competitive soccer, but I know a lot of times politics get on the way.
Click to expand...

This is true at Uolder, I agree 100%. You aren't one of the better players, you don't play as much. But at Umiddle and Ulittle, although they may not be a top player, you still need to develop those kids. It could be because they are smaller, less mature, haven't gone through puberty yet and have less muscle mass/weaker, not as quick. They could be the most technical and smartest player on the field, but may not do well if they have not gone through stages that other kids have. All that could change as they move to Uolder, so if you don't play them at Umiddle and Ulittle, you are stunting their development with little/no minutes and you could be passing up a chance at an amazing player when they get older.

If the coach doesn't believe this Ulittle/Umiddle will ever be an amazing player, then they shouldn't have accepted them onto the roster to start with.
 
Bananacorner said:
This is true at Uolder, I agree 100%. You aren't one of the better players, you don't play as much. But at Umiddle and Ulittle, although they may not be a top player, you still need to develop those kids. It could be because they are smaller, less mature, haven't gone through puberty yet and have less muscle mass/weaker, not as quick. They could be the most technical and smartest player on the field, but may not do well if they have not gone through stages that other kids have. All that could change as they move to Uolder, so if you don't play them at Umiddle and Ulittle, you are stunting their development with little/no minutes and you could be passing up a chance at an amazing player when they get older.

If the coach doesn't believe this Ulittle/Umiddle will ever be an amazing player, then they shouldn't have accepted them onto the roster to start with.
Click to expand...
There is always the B or C team. I seen players at different top teams that become complacent because they know that they will be playing all the time and there is no one there to take their spot.
 
LilStriker said:
This article was pivotal in our decision, so though I would share - it's in a basketball forum but I think it still applies.
https://www.competitivedge.com/unfair-coach
What stood out to me was the line:
"Sometimes he may assure you that indeed you are getting close to breaking into the line-up and if you just did A, B or C a little bit more, you'd get there. But when you do, nothing ever changes!"
Click to expand...
This might be hard to hear and don't take this the wrong way, but your daughter may not be as good as you think she is. I'm sure if you ask the parents of the other starters on whether your daughter is better than theirs they would unequivocally say that their daughter is better. Instead of focusing on how "unfair" the coach is focus on developing her skills/game play to the point where there is no doubt in any coach's mind whether she would be a starter or not.

Also, if your coach had no interest in your daughter then she would not have even made the team in the first place.
 
rainbow_unicorn said:
This might be hard to hear and don't take this the wrong way, but your daughter may not be as good as you think she is. I'm sure if you ask the parents of the other starters on whether your daughter is better than theirs they would unequivocally say that their daughter is better. Instead of focusing on how "unfair" the coach is focus on developing her skills/game play to the point where there is no doubt in any coach's mind whether she would be a starter or not.

Also, if your coach had no interest in your daughter then she would not have even made the team in the first place.
Click to expand...

I know my daughters aren't as good as I think they are. Wait..., if I know that, then do I still think they are as better than I think they are?
 
Joe Diaz said:
In theory, you suppose to give more time to the better players so the ones who need to improve would work harder to increase that playing time. This is not AYSO. Everyone plays an equal amount of time. I don't get mad when my DD doesn't play the whole game or even 20 min. This is telling me and her the she needs to practice more. This supposed to be competitive soccer, but I know a lot of times politics get on the way.
Click to expand...

Joe, you make the classic mistake of confusing ''Club" soccer with "Competitive" soccer. I like to think of what they play today as "Country Club Soccer".

On a serious note, there seems to be a lot of well intentioned parents on this thread giving advice to someone who has no intention of heeding any of it. If you go back to Part 1 of this thread and continue all the way through, you will see that this guy is just messing with everyone or he is the problem on his team. He has everyone on the thread giving him advice without knowing a thing about his daughter. What flight, what age, what club, what team, what level is the team in relation to other teams. Her "first" team may not be as good as some club's 3rd team so how can we give him credible advice?

The only thing we do know is that there is an imaginary stud player on an imaginary first team that is far superior to all the other players on the team but rides the pine. Either pops is delusional or he is running a game on everyone.

In my experience, coach always plays the best player on the team....even when that "best" player doesn't deserve to be playing (attitude, skipping practices, not paying, etc., etc.).
 
El Clasico said:
Joe, you make the classic mistake of confusing ''Club" soccer with "Competitive" soccer. I like to think of what they play today as "Country Club Soccer".

On a serious note, there seems to be a lot of well intentioned parents on this thread giving advice to someone who has no intention of heeding any of it. If you go back to Part 1 of this thread and continue all the way through, you will see that this guy is just messing with everyone or he is the problem on his team. He has everyone on the thread giving him advice without knowing a thing about his daughter. What flight, what age, what club, what team, what level is the team in relation to other teams. Her "first" team may not be as good as some club's 3rd team so how can we give him credible advice?

The only thing we do know is that there is an imaginary stud player on an imaginary first team that is far superior to all the other players on the team but rides the pine. Either pops is delusional or he is running a game on everyone.

In my experience, coach always plays the best player on the team....even when that "best" player doesn't deserve to be playing (attitude, skipping practices, not paying, etc., etc.).
Click to expand...
It depends on the club and how long the team has been together for.
 
El Clasico said:
Joe, you make the classic mistake of confusing ''Club" soccer with "Competitive" soccer. I like to think of what they play today as "Country Club Soccer".

On a serious note, there seems to be a lot of well intentioned parents on this thread giving advice to someone who has no intention of heeding any of it. If you go back to Part 1 of this thread and continue all the way through, you will see that this guy is just messing with everyone or he is the problem on his team. He has everyone on the thread giving him advice without knowing a thing about his daughter. What flight, what age, what club, what team, what level is the team in relation to other teams. Her "first" team may not be as good as some club's 3rd team so how can we give him credible advice?

The only thing we do know is that there is an imaginary stud player on an imaginary first team that is far superior to all the other players on the team but rides the pine. Either pops is delusional or he is running a game on everyone.

In my experience, coach always plays the best player on the team....even when that "best" player doesn't deserve to be playing (attitude, skipping practices, not paying, etc., etc.).
Click to expand...

I wrote and deleted my response to this thread a few times. As a coach I know parents are notoriously biased. As a ref I know parents are notoriously ignorant. As a parent I know other parents are notoriously biased (even I am ... my kid is awesome). Without knowing the age, level of play, etc., we can't possibly provide relevant advise. What a U9 coach sees is different than a U12 as it is a U15 and beyond. Coaches "manage" not only the players but the parents at U9 ... U18, not so much. I don't have enough info to respond.
 
In the end their is no right or wrong way of parting ways. The team will move on. Which way they move on is up to the team and their coach. Your loyalty is to your child and your child only. Parents come and go. But the parents that understand why the change. you have made a friend. Goodluck on your choice.
 
MWN said:
I wrote and deleted my response to this thread a few times. As a coach I know parents are notoriously biased. As a ref I know parents are notoriously ignorant. As a parent I know other parents are notoriously biased (even I am ... my kid is awesome). Without knowing the age, level of play, etc., we can't possibly provide relevant advise. What a U9 coach sees is different than a U12 as it is a U15 and beyond. Coaches "manage" not only the players but the parents at U9 ... U18, not so much. I don't have enough info to respond.
Click to expand...

This went from one thread that eventually died to another thread about the same thing. In the first thread numerous posters asked about the age of the player. Note, that nobody cared what club, what coach or other little things. That question was never answered. So don't sweat responding to this - it's waste of time.
 
MWN said:
I wrote and deleted my response to this thread a few times. As a coach I know parents are notoriously biased. As a ref I know parents are notoriously ignorant. As a parent I know other parents are notoriously biased (even I am ... my kid is awesome). Without knowing the age, level of play, etc., we can't possibly provide relevant advise. What a U9 coach sees is different than a U12 as it is a U15 and beyond. Coaches "manage" not only the players but the parents at U9 ... U18, not so much. I don't have enough info to respond.
Click to expand...
As a parent I know some refs are notoriously def, dumb and blind.
 
Eagle33 said:
This went from one thread that eventually died to another thread about the same thing. In the first thread numerous posters asked about the age of the player. Note, that nobody cared what club, what coach or other little things. That question was never answered. So don't sweat responding to this - it's waste of time.
Click to expand...

Thanks for wasting your time and responding.
 
norwegian said:
But wait! @LilStriker has video evidence of her daughter performing better than the starters! Give me a break. This parent sounds like a bit of a nightmare.
Click to expand...

We film the practices and games so she can review it and see what she did well and what she can improve. She likes watching the film - most of the time... =)
 
259331
 
MWN said:
I wrote and deleted my response to this thread a few times. As a coach I know parents are notoriously biased. As a ref I know parents are notoriously ignorant. As a parent I know other parents are notoriously biased (even I am ... my kid is awesome). Without knowing the age, level of play, etc., we can't possibly provide relevant advise. What a U9 coach sees is different than a U12 as it is a U15 and beyond. Coaches "manage" not only the players but the parents at U9 ... U18, not so much. I don't have enough info to respond.
Click to expand...
Hey you stole my post!!! Reading it all, but not the other thread, its clear there is parent-bias here. But, that being said, if the parent thinks the girl should move down, it makes sense.

LilStriker said:
We film the practices and games so she can review it and see what she did well and what she can improve. She likes watching the film - most of the time... =)
Click to expand...
You must know how silly this sounds. People are talking about objectivity, not the parent and player's perspective. It's also noteworthy, that nearly all of your posts refer to how great the other parents are. This is completely incongruous with your concern for where your player fits.
 
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