I think most parents of elite kids who play on elite teams have a very skewed view of what elite is, and as you mentioned, we hold that standard very high.
I've seen players whom I didn't consider 'elite' move on and have success with other 'elite' teams (as have you I'm sure). It's not always because the coach is a better coach, I've seen situations where that player just fits better into a different system, or into a different set of players. Exposing and developing their individual strengths, allowing that player to master them, and eventually rise to 'elite' status. I personally think having too few 'inclusive' teams at the younger age groups leaves out a lot of 'talented' kids with 'elite' potential. It forces the 'talented' kids at that moment to play a certain way (because we are a society that likes to win) that won't necessarily develop them to their fullest 'elite' potential. These types of players are being completely shut out of our current system. A system that US Soccer has no control over. Therefore, I think it's completely reasonable for US Soccer to want to control the pipeline that feeds their system.
You're right, elite players are easy to recognize. What is not so easy to recognize is 'talent' with 'elite' potential, and how to develop that.