Club newbie Questions

[dreambig]

Totally agree with this but if your kids part of the bench mob and they cant be trusted on the field its time for a new club.

Playing time needs to be earned.

My son played for a coach who had an A and B teams training at the same time at U-9 (top tier both teams)
The A team won a lot of tournaments and my son was at the bench most of the time
The B team lost games most of the times and my son played the complete games
My son is a great defender but a mistake on the A team ended up for a lot of yelling from the coach
A mistake on the B team not a big deal
Before the season started I told the coach I wanted my son to be on the B team because we where going to face the same competition anyway and my son will have more touches on the ball (he was stopping forwards 30 or more times per game and allowing 3 to 5 goals per game)
The defender on the A team will have it easy an allowing only 0 or 1 goal
My son was identified by a good coach on a great team (my son was 10 years old) and he was invited to try out for the team. My son made the team (bench)
Right from the beginning it was all about development and the coach teached how to play from the back and if mistakes happened he will tell defenders he rather have mistakes right now than later in their soccer life’s
Now my son plays DA (he is 15) He has been the starter for the past 3 years and his team always finish on the top 3 teams and the goals allowed are one of the lowest
The A team from U-9 is playing silver level with no development and most of the defenders quit the game of soccer

 

[Bananacorner]

It is common to get caught in the middle of those two goals. A kid who is better than 75% of everyone else but not in the top 10% and who has big ambitions may end up very frustrated in the club soccer world, because lower level "fun" soccer isn't competitive enough, and they continually get overlooked by the high level teams where they might have the opportunity to work their way into their highest potential. This is kind of the worst case scenario, because as a parent you just don't know how far to go down the rabbit hole before you say, "this is insane."

So, in the end, it must always come back to "Are you having fun?" Because it's sports, right?

So true. My DD is very good, and is a starter on a top-level team, but wasn't having fun because of the screaming coach who loves to use humiliation to modify behavior; too many practices (often scheduled at the last minute and expected to drop everything and attend); nasty,competitive parents and players. If she was a more consistent top player on the team, or if she was really struggling, she may have been able to get by (coach rarely yells or humiliates the top 5-6 players and doesn't yell at all at the bottom 3-4 players), but she was good enough and not good enough to be one of the targets of his negativity. I suggested moving to a different team, which is not as competitive -- but she also hates playing lower level soccer, she complains and refuses to participate. Guess I'm going to be commuting...

 

[Mystery Train]

Guess I'm going to be commuting...

Yep. Been there.

 

[El Clasico]

My son played for a coach who had an A and B teams training at the same time at U-9 (top tier both teams)
The A team won a lot of tournaments and my son was at the bench most of the time
The B team lost games most of the times and my son played the complete games
My son is a great defender but a mistake on the A team ended up for a lot of yelling from the coach
A mistake on the B team not a big deal
Before the season started I told the coach I wanted my son to be on the B team because we where going to face the same competition anyway and my son will have more touches on the ball (he was stopping forwards 30 or more times per game and allowing 3 to 5 goals per game)
The defender on the A team will have it easy an allowing only 0 or 1 goal
My son was identified by a good coach on a great team (my son was 10 years old) and he was invited to try out for the team. My son made the team (bench)
Right from the beginning it was all about development and the coach teached how to play from the back and if mistakes happened he will tell defenders he rather have mistakes right now than later in their soccer life’s
Now my son plays DA (he is 15) He has been the starter for the past 3 years and his team always finish on the top 3 teams and the goals allowed are one of the lowest
The A team from U-9 is playing silver level with no development and most of the defenders quit the game of soccer

My journey with mine has been very similar. If only Ulittle parents could understand this concept. They are blinded by their own need to win and cannibalize their own children's potential because of it. It is really unfortunate but this is contributing factor in the US inability to compete on the world stage. Too many promising athletes are destroyed by their own parents. Most want to blame the coaches and while yes, most are pieces of sh*t that could care less about the future of their players, the real culprit is the parents that know better because they have been told a million times by people who have seen and experienced it first hand, but the power of the track suit Sith is very strong.

 

[Chalklines]

Observation from some of the belly aching

Quit being delusional when your kids sitting on the bench. Coaches aren't going to have great, good and excellent players ride the pine.

It's not always the coaches fault for lack of talent OR skill on game day. There's no shame in admitting that your son or daughter doesn't have what it takes to be on the field with the other kids.

 

[CC_SoccerMom3]

Most of our kids were on a losing team at some point or another. At your daughter's age, the only reason to be concerned about losing or winning is in the "how" of the losing or winning. If the team is competitive but coming up short frequently, or if the coach is developing the girls' style and they are making mistakes (you said most of them are new to club, so this is to be expected) then the losing season(s) will just make the payoff that much sweeter as they get better. If they work through the trust issues and develop, the losses are actually quite valuable. On the other hand, if they are getting blown out in Bronze level games and the coach is yelling at players and the families are backstabbing over playing time and the girls are blaming each other, well then that's a whole different story. A couple of seasons of that will kill off a kid's desire to continue forever.

The big questions you need to ask yourself as a parent to figure out how to manage your kids playing club soccer are: Why are we doing this? What are the short term and long term goals for the kids? You and the kids need to have a very solid agreement on this. Those answers will dictate the rest. If they're doing it for fun, to learn the lessons that come from physical competition and team sports, to give them a foundation for a life-long love of sports, then your choice of coach/team/club will always be answered by them with this: Are you having fun? Some kids aren't having fun unless they are winning and improving, so winning may be a factor in the decision, but it isn't the big one.

If you are doing this because you think your kid is good and could get a college scholarship or could be a "star" with the right coach, with the right club, and in the right league, then your choices will not matter because all of that is out of your hands anyway: If your kid is destined to be that good, they'll end up making it no matter what obstacles are there. (And God help you if that is how it goes because that's no easy road despite being what every parent dreams of...such a life is filled with pressure, stress, and much anguish.) They will literally drive the whole process of their growth, and leave you (and the coaches) helpless to keep them from it. If they're not that kid, they're going to end up miserable no matter what choices you make because these are the wrong goals to begin with.

It is common to get caught in the middle of those two goals. A kid who is better than 75% of everyone else but not in the top 10% and who has big ambitions may end up very frustrated in the club soccer world, because lower level "fun" soccer isn't competitive enough, and they continually get overlooked by the high level teams where they might have the opportunity to work their way into their highest potential. This is kind of the worst case scenario, because as a parent you just don't know how far to go down the rabbit hole before you say, "this is insane."

So, in the end, it must always come back to "Are you having fun?" Because it's sports, right?

Thanl you. This was great to read.
I know it isnt all about winning. But wins also give the kids confidence. Most of their loses during the spring/summer last year were by 1 or 2 goals.. During Fall they had some huge blow outs, 4 or 5 goal differential loses.
After most games we ask how they felt they did that game, what they want to improve on for the next game and if they had fun.
They've both said they want to continue playing for as long as they can.
Right now they are with a team that i know they will get huge playing minutes, and they are on the same team...
In a way, as their parents, we may be a bit selfish sticking with the current team becaue of the convenience...
Its all still so new to us and have enjoyed being educated on the ins and outs of the club world.

 

[Surf Zombie]

There is a book called “Surving Club Soccer” which is a good read if you are new to this twisted little world.

 

[jrcaesar]

To go back to the initial discussion and questions:
- Coach has 14 U12 Bronze players now, some don’t play much currently
- Coach wants to split this into two teams of U13 Bronze players in the fall.
- Means they still need 14 more girls for two, 11x11 teams with 14-player rosters.

So, yes, he is taking on Players for the money right now, because he needs to find enough girls for a second team.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you should leave. It’s a good situation for your two girls, both are bronze level players right now, training sound OK, and the girls are happy. What you should want to know more about: Where are these other girls going to come from? Does he have another complete AYSO Team to bring over (which is one source)? Is the club you’re in helping with this? That’s what would concern me more because of the potential chaos of having 17 girls for 14 spots.

 

[jrcaesar]

p.s Of course the other scenario is your 14 are the girls who play 11x11 next fall. If some girls are not “club level” but they are on the team anyway, truth is that really doesn’t impact much at Bronze because most Bronze teams will be in the same boat. It does matter in higher flights of tournaments and once you advance from Bronze. (Or, in SCDSL, this Team could play Flight 3 indefinitely.)

You’ll want to reasssess after the fall season (first one at 11v11) either way.

 

[CC_SoccerMom3]

To go back to the initial discussion and questions:
- Coach has 14 U12 Bronze players now, some don’t play much currently
- Coach wants to split this into two teams of U13 Bronze players in the fall.
- Means they still need 14 more girls for two, 11x11 teams with 14-player rosters.

So, yes, he is taking on Players for the money right now, because he needs to find enough girls for a second team.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you should leave. It’s a good situation for your two girls, both are bronze level players right now, training sound OK, and the girls are happy. What you should want to know more about: Where are these other girls going to come from? Does he have another complete AYSO Team to bring over (which is one source)? Is the club you’re in helping with this? That’s what would concern me more because of the potential chaos of having 17 girls for 14 spots.

Right now we have about 20 girls practicing. But defintley still concerned about where the addition 5 or 6 will come from!
He made it a point to tell parents that if he didnt get enough girls for 2 teams he would need to make cuts and only roster 18. I still think thats too many players even for 11v11.
My 2 are still bronze level players, but as ive mentioned, have noticed improvements since AYSO..
From the girls that have been added, i dont worry that mine would be cut over other girls but it will certainly be something we keep in mind if we end up with only 1 team...

What are the appropriate "steps" to leaving 1 team for abother, in case it got to that point?

 

[CC_SoccerMom3]

There is a book called “Surving Club Soccer” which is a good read if you are new to this twisted little world.

Thanks! Will need to look for this book!

 

[jrcaesar]

We went through this chaos a couple years ago with the age group changes, and you’re about to enter with the switch to 11x11s at an age where coaches weren’t expecting it (thought it would happen at U11s), most teams in need of players. You have a “package” to offer coaches, which is unusual. So if you do need to switch, find the clubs that practice near where you are willing to drive, then find the coaches of the (probably) Bronze teams and reach out directly with your story - keep it short and be honest about your DD's levels. You want the girls to be invited to 1-2 practices so you can see how the coach runs them and get an idea of the other players’ skills and attitudes. No other tryouts for them.

Avoid group tryouts ... but when you see those posted, it’s a good call to action to reach out to a coach. But if the coach invites you to a group tryout in reply to your email, move on.

 

[Messi>CR7]

What are the appropriate "steps" to leaving 1 team for abother, in case it got to that point?

From your various comments, I haven't seen anything that actually says the coach is a terrible soccer coach and not able to develop your girls. Your girls are improving, getting playing time, and will get playing time if there will indeed be two teams. Those are not the worst situations even if the coach is not the best communicator. Perhaps give yourself a deadline to wait for the two teams situation to work out, but definitely protect yourself by paying the club fee monthly instead of a big lump sum (especially since you're paying for two).

In the meantime, follow jrcaesar's suggestions. Nothing wrong with trying out to experience different coaches, different training styles, and different group of girls. Go see a couple of games during State Cup to see the demeanor of the perceptive coaches on the sideline. If your DDs are not terribly shy, they can probably tell you after just one training session whether they want to join the new team or not.

"Avoid group tryouts" -------absolutely.

 

[Toch]

1. They get along well with almost all the girls on the team and ate happy to go to practice/games. On few occasions, they say they arent too happy with the coach.
2. We heard good an bad things about tje coach before starting. In our own experience, he has great training drills and ideas... communication (with both parents and players) needs alot of work!
We come from the AYSO world, so we may not know all the criteria of what exactly a good coach should look like...
3. He does have a daughter on the team.

Definitely time to find a new team. Think of a coaching a teacher. If a teacher (in this case coach) doesn’t have good communication skills, how can he explain the lesson? Obviously this coach is looking to increase his monthly income by adding the 2nd team. I’m a firm believer in earning your spot and play time, but developement is more important.
Time to go

 

[socalkdg]

8 hours is nothing for a kid that is passionate and committed to their sport. I can show you a whole room of dance girls that train 20 hours per week and are academic high achievers. None of which will likely see a dime of scholarship money for dance.

Exactly. Sophomore daughter goes about 18 hours per week with High School dance plus her competition studio. All honors classes, has time to hit Disneyland once every other week, and spends way too much time with makeup and her phone. I admit this is pushing her limit, but it is her choice. I think every college would want to see kids spend at least 8-10 hours doing something outside school to show the balance in their life with their studies. Kids are done with school by 3 pm. Two hours soccer and 3 hours homework and its only 8 pm. Middle school even easier. Thus soccer for 8 hours is nothing. I think it is more difficult on the parents.

 

[CopaMundial]

Exactly. Sophomore daughter goes about 18 hours per week with High School dance plus her competition studio. All honors classes, has time to hit Disneyland once every other week, and spends way too much time with makeup and her phone. I admit this is pushing her limit, but it is her choice. I think every college would want to see kids spend at least 8-10 hours doing something outside school to show the balance in their life with their studies. Kids are done with school by 3 pm. Two hours soccer and 3 hours homework and its only 8 pm. Middle school even easier. Thus soccer for 8 hours is nothing. I think it is more difficult on the parents.

Wow! You said it's only 8PM. And then what? Work a PT job till 10PM. Or are you meaning that sarcastic? Because I'm not sure what we are asking of these kids. In talking to colleges of late, they are more interested in what kids have to say and what they are willing to do for the future. Burn out is insane!!! No dig on you, just that I'm not sure we have to fill every minute of every hour doing "something".

 

[Grace T.]

Wow! You said it's only 8PM. And then what? Work a PT job till 10PM. Or are you meaning that sarcastic? Because I'm not sure what we are asking of these kids. In talking to colleges of late, they are more interested in what kids have to say and what they are willing to do for the future. Burn out is insane!!! No dig on you, just that I'm not sure we have to fill every minute of every hour doing "something".

Agree with this. The social, charitable, and just some down time to explore are also important to colleges that rely on more than just GP+scores. Some like it if kids work, some don't. A passion demonstrated in the child is also really great if it reconciles with "what kids have to say and what they are willing to do for the future"....if they say they love physics and spend all their time on dance and nothing on physics, dance isn't going to be much help beyond checking the "well rounded" box....if they love dance and want to do cheer squad, competitive college dance, or a dance major/minor that's also a plus.