Mystery Train
GOLD
Well, that's different! I could imagine letting that slip myself under those circumstances.
yelling coach
- Thread starter lancer
- Start date
Wow, sometimes I wonder what our society is coming to, then i read a thread like this and I start to understand. Has no one ever heard of the "sticks and stones" saying or taught it to their kids? A coach yelled? Say it isn't so! We are turning our kids into wussies people. Go ahead and yell at my kid because it is gonna go in one ear and out the other. If the coach yells all the time I am sure the kids are used to it by now. maybe we need a "safe spot" on the sideline for Sally Snowflake to feel better. I grew up in the blue collar Midwest the son of a construction foreman in a farm town. People yelled. Coaches yelled, swore, and yes occasionally were "hands on" to players. I went into the Marine Corps where a lot of yelling took place. I have been cussed out, verbally reprimanded, kicked in the ass, and cuffed upside the head more times than I can count. my experience has always been that the quiet ones are the individuals that you should be wary of, they will sneak up on you and get you when you aren't looking. The yeller will will come straight at you and you will know it. Toughen your kids up people, they will thank you for it later.
Mystery Train
GOLD
Depending on the kind of person you are today, Wildcat, you could either be an advertisement or an indictment for such techniques.
Frank
GOLD
My sons coach is a well known yeller at his age group and I have nothing but positive things to say about how he has developed my sons soccer talents and the success of the team. If that wasn't happening I am not sure I would be there regardless of yelling or not. I am on the sideline for almost every game and I can tell you that the teams that have had the most success typically have an intense demanding results coach that is driven to win as much if not more than the players.
coachrefparent
GOLD
Priests also slept with little boys. Point?
Didn't John Wooden say the same thing?
outside!
DA
For me it is about respect. Coaches that shout insults at the players are not showing respect for them as people. My kids give 100% at practice out of respect for the team, coach and for we who pay the bills (they can play rec if they don't want to give it their all). I am trying to raise my kids to know they are worthy of respect. Any coach that acts like the coach described by the OP or others in this thread show that they do not respect the players and do not deserve any of our money or respect. Yes children need to learn to deal with idiots in positions of authority, but the few poor teachers they have had in the school serve that purpose. I saw a saying somewhere, "Don't be a players last coach." How many players do coaches like these drive from the sport? I had a terrible little league baseball coach and I am not much of a baseball fan these days.
First a disclaimer: I agree respect is important. I agree also that many of the things the OP said, depending on how they play out, may cross a line (don't know for sure....I wasn't there). But I also think that yelling or harshly criticizing the play of a player doesn't necessary = disrespect.
But I think we need to ask the question as to what club soccer is trying to accomplish. What's the system set up to do? I'd argue it's primarily made to develop kids to play for college, and secondarily to develop players to compete on the international level. The more cynical among us might also argue it's set up to provide a living/pad the wallets of the coaches and administrators. Teaching the kids to love soccer, however, is much lower of the list of things the current system does. Keeping kids playing who might not have what it takes to become champions is also not much of a concern to the current system. Respecting the players is also not high on the list of goals of the current system. Because if it were, we would shift back to the system we had before there was competitive soccer and AYSO was the only game in town...one that gives players equal playing time, makes sure no child is left behind to reach their ultimate potential (whatever that might be) and doesn't place such a huge emphasis on winning and keeping score. An AYSO coach that yells at his kids? There couldn't be a bigger waste of time and energy. I wouldn't let my kid play for that coach. But with more kids in competitive soccer than rec, particularly once you progress up the age group ladder, that's not what we are all doing around here....that's not the system we placed them in....and that's not what the incentives we've built are here to produce.
Sparky9
SILVER ELITE
It's funny that the yelling joystick coaches don't realize the other team can hear them too. If the coach actually teaches the game during practices, maybe they wouldnt have to yell so much and could actually enjoy watching their players implement what they learned that week.
Keepermom2
GOLD
I pulled the from a study the #4 reason why youth players quit soccer. I really don't want my daughter to quit soccer because I love watching her succeed at it, I love the game of soccer and have been known to watch 2 or more games on TV on a Saturday and/or Sunday. She has mentioned doing Fencing and I really can't imagine enjoying a Fencing tournament but of course would do it. I want to ensure my decisions and actions are not what causes her to leave soccer. I saw some risk of that a couple of months ago and I am in the process of making some adjustments and we are in a good place now. Moving her up the competitive ladder too fast can push her right out and I have found the #4 reason a player leaves soccer really relates to my daughter. Having said that, the solution suggested not only relates to coaches but to parents. I am big on embracing failure and taking risks because it builds character and provides for achievement. That makes them want to keep going. Balance of course is the key. The example of the player I gave above that was pulled off of the field and talked to because she didn't take a kick went on to score 2 goals and all 3 beautiful goals in the game. Do you know how big her smile was after that game?
Bringing my thoughts back to the discussion, yelling at a player in and of itself is not bad. The what, why, and how the yell benefits or demoralizes the player is what matters. I feel for coaches because they are damned if they do or damned if they don't. We have been on a team where the parents were mad the coach was not coaching the players at the games. Many times you have to yell for them to hear you. The games when under pressure are some times the best teaching mechanism especially when teaching failure and risk taking. That lesson isn't only about soccer but it is a lesson that can benefit the player in life. I am trying to stay more focused on what benefits my child in life but I will admit it is hard because I am naturally a competitive person that has been known to work hard to be the best in the things I am passionate about. Reviewing the various threads on this site has helped me keep perspective because I definitely have seen what I don't want to become. LOL
4. They are afraid to make mistakes
Kids tell us that one of the main reasons they quit is because they are afraid to make mistakes, because they get criticized, yelled at, benched, and more. Great players develop in environments where they do not fear mistakes, where they are encouraged to try and fail, and they are made to understand that failure is a necessary part of the development process. Coaches and parents who keep a running commentary going on the sideline, second guessing every decision and action players take, and yelling at players for trying their best and failing, create a culture of fear that drives players out of the game.
Solution: Embrace failure and risk taking in young athletes. Instead of only praising the result of a successful action, start praising what kids do immediately after a mistake. Do they hustle and get the ball back? Do they keep trying to beat their player 1v1? Praise the reaction to failure, and create a safe to fail environment.
Bringing my thoughts back to the discussion, yelling at a player in and of itself is not bad. The what, why, and how the yell benefits or demoralizes the player is what matters. I feel for coaches because they are damned if they do or damned if they don't. We have been on a team where the parents were mad the coach was not coaching the players at the games. Many times you have to yell for them to hear you. The games when under pressure are some times the best teaching mechanism especially when teaching failure and risk taking. That lesson isn't only about soccer but it is a lesson that can benefit the player in life. I am trying to stay more focused on what benefits my child in life but I will admit it is hard because I am naturally a competitive person that has been known to work hard to be the best in the things I am passionate about. Reviewing the various threads on this site has helped me keep perspective because I definitely have seen what I don't want to become. LOL
4. They are afraid to make mistakes
Kids tell us that one of the main reasons they quit is because they are afraid to make mistakes, because they get criticized, yelled at, benched, and more. Great players develop in environments where they do not fear mistakes, where they are encouraged to try and fail, and they are made to understand that failure is a necessary part of the development process. Coaches and parents who keep a running commentary going on the sideline, second guessing every decision and action players take, and yelling at players for trying their best and failing, create a culture of fear that drives players out of the game.
Solution: Embrace failure and risk taking in young athletes. Instead of only praising the result of a successful action, start praising what kids do immediately after a mistake. Do they hustle and get the ball back? Do they keep trying to beat their player 1v1? Praise the reaction to failure, and create a safe to fail environment.
smellycleats
SILVER ELITE
My daughter played for coach that was very vocal. He didn't berate his players or demean them. In practice he would yell ( loudly enough at times for everyone in the complex to hear him) when they weren't working hard or when they made a bad decision. At games he would often be completely silent and allow them to use their own judgment. When he was really frustrated with my daughter he would not yell at her. He would ignore her. He wouldn't speak to her on or off the field. He would sometimes high five other players sitting on the bench and ignore her. For my daughter, that was the worst. She didn't mind when he yelled. At least she knew where she stood. I thought his whole approach was pretty manipulative but my daughter developed a ton in the two years she played for him. The following year we left the club and went to play for another coach, a woman who was very soft-spoken. She is a very respected coach and is extremely knowledgeable however the dynamic did not work for my daughter. My daughter seemed uninspired that year and didn't make much progress in terms of development. She told me this coach didn't yell at her enough. (!?!?)
I think coaching is a bit like parenting. What works for one kid may not work for another. As long as the yelling is not meant to demean or shame a kid it can be a dynamic that works, depending on the player.
Not_that_Serious
GOLD
probably shouldnt be in club soccer if you think you should call the cops for that...im sure the cops would also love wasting their time. I dont care for these coaches who call kids names, but from my estimation it is about a 50/50 chance the coach on the other side is that way. Taping it or calling them out on it doesnt change the behavior - some are down right racist at times and still find themselves with jobs. It isnt like they dont know or no one has told them they are aholes. The higher the flight, better chance youll hear/see "that guy" on the other side. Parents hear it and let the kids go through it - usually the ones solely focused on winning. I tend to hear worse from parents towards their own kids and refs at rec games. Every other game you see the parents who pace on the sideline yelling at their kid - the type who live and die on every play. Some of these parents even tape every game to breakdown their kids game and evaluate the team - same parents who bounce kid from club to club. Some of these folks must be on good blood pressure meds.
TangoCity
GOLD
If a coach/ref or any other adult smacked my kid with a clipboard because he/she made a mistake on the soccer field -- I may very well report the incident to the police. At a minimum it would be reported to the DOC along with the video of the incident. Yell? No. Smack with a clipboard, which was mentioned above then a good chance yes.