Why do kids switch clubs

[Lou789]

One of my sons is u11. Plays on the top team at his club and they play 2014 EA team this year. Team is very good. He plays defense 95% of the time and plays entire game. But he is miserable. He cant stand playing defense. It’s all he talks about how much he hates it.

The Coach for 3 years now has given him very little chances to play elsewhere (despite repeated promises that he would) and when he does my son does great. But it’s very seldom. We talked to the coach recently and he said this is what I think is best for your child’s development for him to play defense. But I think it’s really best because his team wins. Not for my son’s development.

I don’t know what to do as my other kids that play club soccer have never been in a situation like this.
So many questions….

1. Does he leave and go to tryouts? Or Does he not say he is leaving yet and go to tryouts?
2. Is it worth even trying to go to tryout for another team for him to try to play a different position?
3. If our coach finds out he wants to leave he will be very angry. I can already see it. Will he say bad things about my kid to the other clubs?
4. If a kid is a top player on an A team at a club and plays a lot, what are reasons for why the player would leave? Trying to understand why players leave if they are getting a lot of playing time on a top team. This is a serious question.

Any help or advice is appreciated.

 

[Carlsbad7]

What does your kid want to do? Have you asked them? Maybe they like playing defense. Or maybe they like their teammates.

You're probably right about being pigeonholed into playing defense. But here's a secret. EVERY PARENT THINKS THEIR KID SHOULD PLAY FORWARD. It's just how things go.

Don't worry about upsetting your coach by trying out at other clubs. If they're going to get upset about it that's manipulative behavior and ethically challenging. Just reach out to other coaches and ask if your kid can practice with their team. If there's interest you'll know right away. If there's not no harm no foul and move on. Don't tell any of the parents what you're doing and tell your kid to not tell their teammates. If you do someone will use it against you by telling your coach.

Be careful about what you say about your current coach to your kid or other parents. Being negative causes issues. Say positive things as much as possible even if it's not true. This way you're maintaining the current team position even when you're looking around for other opportunities.

Finally, don't get sucked into driving a long distance for another club. 99% of the time it's a waste of time and it will burn you out.

 

[crush]

What does your kid want to do? Have you asked them? Maybe they like playing defense. Or maybe they like their teammates.

You're probably right about being pigeonholed into playing defense. But here's a secret. EVERY PARENT THINKS THEIR KID SHOULD PLAY FORWARD. It's just how things go.

Don't worry about upsetting your coach by trying out at other clubs. If they're going to get upset about it that's manipulative behavior and ethically challenging. Just reach out to other coaches and ask if your kid can practice with their team. If there's interest you'll know right away. If there's not no harm no foul and move on. Don't tell any of the parents what you're doing and tell your kid to not tell their teammates. If you do someone will use it against you by telling your coach.

Be careful about what you say about your current coach to your kid or other parents. Being negative causes issues. Say positive things as much as possible even if it's not true. This way you're maintaining the current team position even when you're looking around for other opportunities.

Finally, don't get sucked into driving a long distance for another club. 99% of the time it's a waste of time and it will burn you out.

He doesn't want to play defense 95% of the time and neither would I. As a fan of my kid, I would also hate to see him play on defense all the time, like his first three years of club. It sucks and the kid is letting dad know. I would look for a different team with a different philosophy. My kid played defense her first year and coach said, "we need her to stop the goals." The next year, the new coach said, "we need her to score goals." At U11, the kids should play multiple positions throughout the year. This is classic, "I need you to do what's best for the team and me, and that is WINNING!!!" Lastly, if the new team and coach is really good and the team can play, it's worth the drive to get away from playing defense all the time.

 

[Carlsbad7]

He doesn't want to play defense 95% of the time and neither would I. As a fan of my kid, I would also hate to see him play on defense all the time, like his first three years of club. It sucks and the kid is letting dad know. I would look for a different team with a different philosophy. My kid played defense her first year and coach said, "we need her to stop the goals." The next year, the new coach said, "we need her to score goals." At U11, the kids should play multiple positions throughout the year. This is classic, "I need you to do what's best for the team and me, and that is WINNING!!!" Lastly, if the new team and coach is really good and the team can play, it's worth the drive to get away from playing defense all the time.

Yea, I should have read the ops post more closely.

Here's another trick you can do. Have your kid just start walking up the field and play forward. Then be like all other forwards when they get beat and give up + stop running back to play defense.

This will send your coach into crazytown but it will also force the issue. The coach will be forced to bench your kid or to let them play forward. If your kid does this more than once eventually your coach will ask them why they keep going up to play forward. When this happens your kid needs to say that they want to play forward. If the coach ignores your kids request to play forward have them keep going up to play forward. When kids are young coaches will try to give all players minutes which is why this works.

Eventually your coach will break down and offer to let your kid play forward if they promise to stay in defense when playing that position.

Be aware that you'll likely need to keep your coach honest by going to play forward if they don't follow through on their part of the deal by playing your kid as a forward.

 

[NorCalDad]

Chances are your kid is one of the better defenders on the team. It's a top team in competitive soccer. The truth is they do want to win and the coach is going to set the team up in a way they can best achieve that. That doesn't help your kid. Personally if it made my kid that miserable, I would check out teams that are not as competitive and scope things out with the coach. This is just the nature of competitive soccer.

 

[Lou789]

Is it bad to leave the team before tryouts and go to practices without fearing our coach will find out? My son wants to 100% leave this team. Any negatives about leaving the team before tryouts?

What does your kid want to do? Have you asked them? Maybe they like playing defense. Or maybe they like their teammates.

You're probably right about being pigeonholed into playing defense. But here's a secret. EVERY PARENT THINKS THEIR KID SHOULD PLAY FORWARD. It's just how things go.

Don't worry about upsetting your coach by trying out at other clubs. If they're going to get upset about it that's manipulative behavior and ethically challenging. Just reach out to other coaches and ask if your kid can practice with their team. If there's interest you'll know right away. If there's not no harm no foul and move on. Don't tell any of the parents what you're doing and tell your kid to not tell their teammates. If you do someone will use it against you by telling your coach.

Be careful about what you say about your current coach to your kid or other parents. Being negative causes issues. Say positive things as much as possible even if it's not true. This way you're maintaining the current team position even when you're looking around for other opportunities.

Finally, don't get sucked into driving a long distance for another club. 99% of the time it's a waste of time and it will burn you out.

Yea, I should have read the ops post more closely.

Here's another trick you can do. Have your kid just start walking up the field and play forward. Then be like all other forwards when they get beat and give up + stop running back to play defense.

This will send your coach into crazytown but it will also force the issue. The coach will be forced to bench your kid or to let them play forward. If your kid does this more than once eventually your coach will ask them why they keep going up to play forward. When this happens your kid needs to say that they want to play forward. If the coach ignores your kids request to play forward have them keep going up to play forward. When kids are young coaches will try to give all players minutes which is why this works.

Eventually your coach will break down and offer to let your kid play forward if they promise to stay in defense when playing that position.

Be aware that you'll likely need to keep your coach honest by going to play forward if they don't follow through on their part of the deal by playing your kid as a forward.

 

[Lou789]

Chances are your kid is one of the better defenders on the team. It's a top team in competitive soccer. The truth is they do want to win and the coach is going to set the team up in a way they can best achieve that. That doesn't help your kid. Personally if it made my kid that miserable, I would check out teams that are not as competitive and scope things out with the coach. This is just the nature of competitive soccer.

Yes unfortunately for him he is an excellent defender. Very aggressive. Tall. Nothing gets past him. But it has taken a toll.

 

[Carlsbad7]

Is it bad to leave the team before tryouts and go to practices without fearing our coach will find out? My son wants to 100% leave this team. Any negatives about leaving the team before tryouts?

It doesn't matter when you leave.

The people that complain about it will complain either way.

If your coach valued your kids contributions they wouldn't pigeonhole them into a specific role for wins.

 

[rainbow_unicorn]

Chances are the kid is probably not one of the better attackers on the team. Sure, you can leave and play forward elsewhere...most likely at a lower level team or league though.

 

[crush]

Is it bad to leave the team before tryouts and go to practices without fearing our coach will find out? My son wants to 100% leave this team. Any negatives about leaving the team before tryouts?

It can be bad to leave the team. Retaliation in youth soccer is real, trust me. A good coach with spies on the team will always find out your being disloyal and looking at teams to join so your boy can get some offense. At this age, you need to play all the positions. It's time to find greener pasture for the health of your boy. When (not if) coach finds out, your son could be punished with play time. Watch out for some parents. Good luck to you and your son Lou.

 

[RandomSoccerFan]

In one of my kid's teams, that he's been with for years at this point - there have been several instances of talented/starting kids playing defense, whose parents would not stop whining about how they needed to play offense instead. One in particular, left the team in huff, joined another club midseason (after having to pay for the full year here to be released) - and was surprised and disappointed that the new club would only put him on their 3rd tier team as an offensive player. He stayed for a few games, and then came crawling back to our team. I can't believe the coach accepted him back. Two seasons later, he left again for similar reasons, and now plays defense for a significantly lower rated team.

 

[crush]

Chances are the kid is probably not one of the better attackers on the team. Sure, you can leave and play forward elsewhere...most likely at a lower level team or league though.

Nonsense. Typical coach advice. I bet his son goes to a powerhouse club with their top team and top coach that can see 100% that Lou's son should have fun first and foremost and will allow his boy to get some offense. 11-year-olds should play both defense and offense. I know one coach that got a $10,000 bonus for winning. Playing defense every game sucks at this age.

 

[crush]

In one of my kid's teams, that he's been with for years at this point - there have been several instances of talented/starting kids playing defense, whose parents would not stop whining about how they needed to play offense instead. One in particular, left the team in huff, joined another club midseason (after having to pay for the full year here to be released) - and was surprised and disappointed that the new club would only put him on their 3rd tier team as an offensive player. He stayed for a few games, and then came crawling back to our team. I can't believe the coach accepted him back. Two seasons later, he left again for similar reasons, and now plays defense for a significantly lower rated team.

I know those kinds of parents that leave in huff and puff because their kid plays defense all the time. I know one GK parent that left a team because her dd was put at second string GK because the mom of the top GK was sleeping with coach. That is not fair, and that family took off quickly in a big huff and puffed a way. Yes, they went to a 2nd tier team but also away from toxic cancer. Her dd was starter and went on to play D1 soccer and graduate with a degree. Tier one teams are not always the best for the child.

 

[sigmabody]

I don't know as much about club soccer in general as others here, but I'll give you my perspective, for whatever it's worth.

I would take him to other try outs, not leave the current club immediately, and not worry too much about the current coach bad mouthing him if he finds out. It's a pretty shitty coach/person who would talk bad about a kid for exploring options, and it's likely other coaches will pick up on that.

The current environment also sounds pretty toxic, if you've talked about your son being miserable at the position, they have promised to develop other areas, and not followed through. That might be grounds to leave on its own, but that decision depends on the totality of circumstances (other options, commute, costs, etc.).

My son was in a sorta similar position a couple years back (bigger than average, strong defender, etc.), and while he wasn't miserable there, I wanted him to get more perspective (though unlike some parents, I did not want him to necessarily play striker, I just wanted him to play more than just defense). I discussed with the coach, and he moved him to playing more midfield, while also playing part-time keeper (his choice). He's now a starting mid for his [flight 1] team, a very good defender when needed (about 10% of the time in games), still a pretty good keeper (would start in that position if that was his primary position), and a passable striker. He's happy where he is, plays with his friends, is developing, and I'm happy with the club in general. He probably won't ever be a pro player, and might not play past HS, but I'm not disappointed with how his development has progressed, all things considered.

The point of the above is that I'm satisfied because I'm in a club where I could reach out, discuss my concerns with the coach, and changes were made to address them. But, I also wasn't pushing for my kid to be the star striker, just for him to have more breadth of experience and development. The club he plays for prioritizes player development in concept, and they did here in practice as well. It sounds like your son's club/team prioritizes winning instead, and that may not work for you, in which case looking around for other options is appropriate (imho). But being realistic and flexible is important too; there's a balance.

Good luck finding the right spot for your son.

 

[sigmabody]

In one of my kid's teams, that he's been with for years at this point - there have been several instances of talented/starting kids playing defense, whose parents would not stop whining about how they needed to play offense instead. One in particular, left the team in huff, joined another club midseason (after having to pay for the full year here to be released) - and was surprised and disappointed that the new club would only put him on their 3rd tier team as an offensive player. He stayed for a few games, and then came crawling back to our team. I can't believe the coach accepted him back. Two seasons later, he left again for similar reasons, and now plays defense for a significantly lower rated team.

For better or for worse, the kids who score goals get the most attention and acclaim, despite not necessarily being the most skilled or impactful players on the team. Parents observe this. The parents who want their kids to be stars, and/or have the best chance to get the most attention and "success", push for their kids to play offense. Defensive stops, or intelligent positioning play in the midfield, or hustle, toughness, resilience, etc. don't make stat lines; that's the reality of the game, as observed by fans.

My personal impression is that the above might make it easier for players in other positions/roles to stand out to coaches and recruiters (less competition), at the expense of the fame and stat lines. But, I don't know if that's true in practice, or if teams mainly go after strikers, and every other position is filled as an afterthought. I don't push for my kid to play striker, but I still wonder if that's optimal for his overall chances at success in the sport; I don't know.

 

[Jamisfoes]

Chances are the kid is probably not one of the better attackers on the team. Sure, you can leave and play forward elsewhere...most likely at a lower level team or league though.

There are two types of defenders. The first kind is a kid who is just a baller and the coach trusts him in defense and knows he won’t lose the ball. He can be tall or short, doesn’t matter. The second kind is a tall kid who can bang and run the forwards down. This kind of defender doesn’t have superior technical skills.

The first type of defender doesn’t get stuck in defense because they can play anywhere. The second type gets stuck in defense because like you said he is no better than other offensive players on the team.

If OP’s son is the second type, the only way to get out of that is to learn to dribble 5 players like Zidane.

No top team is going to rotate a defensive player who is not good with the ball and can’t dribble to the attack. How many parents will you piss off if a coach does that?

 

[crush]

I don't know as much about club soccer in general as others here, but I'll give you my perspective, for whatever it's worth.
I would take him to other try outs, not leave the current club immediately, and not worry too much about the current coach bad mouthing him if he finds out. It's a pretty shitty coach/person who would talk bad about a kid for exploring options, and it's likely other coaches will pick up on that.

I took my kid to a Sunday pickup game tryouts back in the day and a snitch told on me. The next thing I know, I got coach calling me saying that the Doc wanted to speak with me at Tuesday's practice. Talk about being in a cult. Anyway, Doc and coach cornered me at Tuesday's practice, and I got a big talk to about checking out another club and how that is not ok.

 

[RandomSoccerFan]

For better or for worse, the kids who score goals get the most attention and acclaim, despite not necessarily being the most skilled or impactful players on the team. Parents observe this. The parents who want their kids to be stars, and/or have the best chance to get the most attention and "success", push for their kids to play offense.

Clueless parents believe this. Coaches, not so much. What's going to stifle their kid's success more than any other factor in the younger ages is the parent having an adversarial relationship with the poor sap giving his time/energy to coach a bunch of kids. Nobody wants to deal with an overbearing parent with forceful ideas about "where their kid deserves to play", and almost no kid is so uniquely talented to make it worth it.

 

[Lou789]

QUOTE="crush, post: 487836, member: 7939"]
It can be bad to leave the team. Retaliation in youth soccer is real, trust me. A good coach with spies on the team will always find out your being disloyal and looking at teams to join so your boy can get some offense. At this age, you need to play all the positions. It's time to find greener pasture for the health of your boy. When (not if) coach finds out, your son could be punished with play time. Watch out for some parents. Good luck to you and your son Lou.
[/QUOTE]


I’m a little confused by this comment. You said it’s bad to leave a team. Why? If you tell the coach you’re leaving before going to other practices, what’s wrong with that? What’s disloyal about that?

 

[crush]

Clueless parents believe this. Coaches, not so much. What's going to stifle their kid's success more than any other factor in the younger ages is the parent having an adversarial relationship with the poor sap giving his time/energy to coach a bunch of kids. Nobody wants to deal with an overbearing parent with forceful ideas about "where their kid deserves to play", and almost no kid is so uniquely talented to make it worth it.

ok, clueless coach with no kids