Do you really know lots of kids who burn out on soccer and go to football, basketball, or baseball? I've known kids who have switched to one of those sports, but they were playing both at the same time and eventually made a choice. That's not the same as burning out on soccer. If a kid really burns out because the sport doesn't have enough days off, they want to play video games, or go to parties and be social or anything other than playing another sport. All three of those sports are year-round commitments nowadays (same with most sports actually, including volleyball, swimming, lacrosse etc). No one except perhaps at the smallest of schools can just pick up baseball anymore without having played years of fall and spring baseball, plus baseball camps and summer road trips. Basketball is non-stop too, especially at high levels with the AAU circuit. Football is a bit different because it is still primarily HS-based, but the advent of 8 v. 8 passing leagues is now making it full year too and if you're not playing, you're lifting. Not many three sport superstars in HS anymore.
When to let your kid quit?
- Thread starter Desert619
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coachrefparent
GOLD
Without delving too deep into your personal life, is your son otherwise doing ok in school, socially, etc.? He's at an age where other influences come into play, and drugs, alcohol or depression are common issues. Not assuming any of these, but just a thought as to other things that may be affecting him.
SoccerFan4Life
PREMIER
Yes, I know of several just within my small circle of friends and family members. Soccer is more demanding than Baseball and other sports because of the amount of running and conditioning required.
When does Soccer season begin for young athletes (non HS), Is it Summer, Fall, January, Spring? Does it make sense to take your 7 year old/8 year to play tournaments? Why have state cup in January/February and not allow the kids to take a 1 month Christmas break. I love soccer and watch it every day but as a parent I got burned out just with the crazy club schedules. For young athletes, club soccer should begin in April with tryouts and end in December (including state cup). Give them 2 weeks of a break in the summer (1st two weeks of July).
Interesting. I've been involved in club soccer for almost a decade and I can think of only one kid who left to play baseball and football and his Dad was a former minor league baseball player, so he was always leaning in that direction. Two other kids left to play baseball and basketball, respectively, but they were just doing AYSO turkey/all star/spring tournaments before they left, rather than club. We must live and travel in extremely different circles. I'm in LA, though. Perhaps the OC or SD are different
The divergence in our experiences, though, sounds like you are referring more to the youngers. I can see that, but I think that's less burnout and more going to club too early. In LA where we live, there aren't that many 7 year-olds in club. At most, a club will have one U9 (2008) team with about 9-10 kids. Most are still in AYSO. A few leave AYSO after U8 and most leave after a year or two of U10. Admittedly, the entry point has crept younger over the years. It used to be most kids came to club after a year or two in U12. Still, that's a whole different situation than the original poster's child, who was talking about leaving the sport as a teenager when his or her child had dedicated years to it and endured (enjoyed?) the schedule for quite a long time. Those types of kids are long past leaving for other sports that require similar dedication and time commitment. Not only does burnout mean they want a break altogether, but they simply don't have the skills and can't jump back into those other sports very easily.
One difference I have noticed between the OC teams and the LA teams, is that LA teams tend to take off from middle of June until the beginning of August. They don't play summer tournaments until August. They do summer camps over that period, but not with their teammates necessarily. They also take off more like three weeks in December (matching the LAUSD winter break). So, there are some slightly longer breaks than you find in the OC teams.
. Football has begun to adopt the club model too at the expense of high school...see the show "Friday night tykes".
rainbow_unicorn
PREMIER
One other difference is that LA teams are not as good as teams playing all year round
. I think the LA area is underserved in regards to girl club teams...we had few options when living in the mid-Wilshire area.As you can see by various approaches and responses, its a difficult situation if you look at it from a parent perspective. I have 17yrs and soon to be 15 yrs boys. Both still play. and shows no loss of interest - I'm lucky. They do play fair amount of video games too.
The whole issue needs to be put into a bigger context. By itself, it may simply result in a stereotypical responses (which may or may not be appropriate). Hard to generalize. Individual situation needs to be considered.
So the question is why are we insisting on kids play another sport? By the time the kids are 15, and if they've been playing for years, they should be able to make up their own mind as to continue on. If they are done, so be it.
I get the whole thing about benefit sports brings to kids and life in general - I agree completely. I also get that being involved with your kids via sports is an easy venue. What I don't get is parents insisting on something they don't want to engage in. The only thing one accomplishes by doing so is to create animosity and further hate for the sports. How often do you hear adults say something like, "yeah my parents made me play xxxx when as a kid. I hated it then and I still hate it."
Want to be still engaged with your kids? Have them teach you how to play video games. Buy your own controller and play against them. You might actually like it too. Does it really matter what the medium is? Isn't part of the purpose is to be involved? Yes I know, activities keeps them fit and healthier but they are kids. Diet has more to do with it than activities.
Kids that play into 15+ are good players in any sports, if playing competitively. One of the key reasons kids quit is because these they hate sitting on the bench, and they know when that they are not as good as others on the team. So their attitude is why bother - I'm sick of not playing and just practicing....
So my recommendation is to find another way to stay engaged and keep the family together. It does require more from the parents, and parents to be adventurous. Lowering the hammer to essentially say "you can't quit..." really doesn't work for young adults (i.e., 15 yrs+).
LadiesMan217
GOLD
eSports are where the money is (forget soccer). Buy him a good webcam, mic, H1Z1/League/Call of Duty, and give him a room. Have him join Twitch. Let him play all night and weekends. Before you know it he will be brining $20-70K per month in playing sSports. Then he will join a team like Optic Gaming and get an eSport contract for $$$$. The world is changing....
chargerfan
GOLD
3-4x per week practice plus games plus tournaments can be tiring for any kid, especially once they are teens. It's not a surprise many want to quit just to hang out and do other things with their live except for 24/7 soccer. I wouldn't worry about it, as long as he is staying active doing something else and making decent grades.
HBE
SILVER
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NoGoal
DA
I can't give any specific advice since I'm just entering this phase myself with my 14 year-old. I can only share my experience so far.
A couple of years ago, I had a talk with my son and I said we'll be entering a Point of No Return pretty soon. I told him I don't have unlimited money or time and I said by around his 13th birthday, he'll need to decide if he's going to strive to play at the highest level or just play casually with soccer. It was our version of The Decision.
If he just wanted to play for fun or have a physical activity, then I could just put him in a Rec/bronze league and he could play high school sports. I probably would try to find other activities to challenge him. But if he wanted to continue to play competitive soccer, he had to be all in. I would do my best to keep up financially with all the costs and to train him, but he had to understand it was no longer just about having fun, it was about developing a "craft". He would treat it as an apprenticeship and see it through for as long as it was realistically viable.
It's obviously a tough decision for a 13 year-old to make, but I believe if you're going to do something at a high level, then you should be fully committed and give your best effort. If you're not prepared to do that, then maybe you're not meant to do it. Club soccer in particular is way too expensive (at least for us) to just go through the motions.
My son actually decided with little hesitation to continue pursuing soccer at a high level. It actually worried me a bit because I wasn't sure if he fully grasped what I was saying. But he's 14 years-old now and while his video game playing has definitely ticked-up (primarily playing with his friends), his commitment and desire to train and play soccer at a serious level hasn't lessened. He often has a soccer ball at his feet even when he's playing video games. My son is also aware that playing sports at a high level requires social sacrifices and does not complain about missing parties, trips, and etc because of soccer. It's still pretty easy to get him to train at the park on a moment's notice and I'm pretty fortunate that he does treat soccer as a craft. He uses video games as his "fun" and leisure activity to unwind.
That said, I really like Mirage's last post. While my son and I definitely have a bond through soccer, I also play video games with him fairly regularly. In general I've tried to diversify our common interests and activities. So my relationship with my son isn't defined solely through soccer, which I feel is important so he didn't feel like if he dropped soccer, he would also be dropping his dad. We have other common interests (which btw took effort to develop. It didn't happen magically.)
In a few years, my daughter will also approach The Decision point. I'm really curious which way she'll go because she has more of an "All-Around" personality and interests. She also has a stronger desire for social activities. And the end goal for girls and boys soccer is a bit different, so that has to be taken into consideration as well.
Interesting topic hearing everyone's experiences.
A couple of years ago, I had a talk with my son and I said we'll be entering a Point of No Return pretty soon. I told him I don't have unlimited money or time and I said by around his 13th birthday, he'll need to decide if he's going to strive to play at the highest level or just play casually with soccer. It was our version of The Decision.
If he just wanted to play for fun or have a physical activity, then I could just put him in a Rec/bronze league and he could play high school sports. I probably would try to find other activities to challenge him. But if he wanted to continue to play competitive soccer, he had to be all in. I would do my best to keep up financially with all the costs and to train him, but he had to understand it was no longer just about having fun, it was about developing a "craft". He would treat it as an apprenticeship and see it through for as long as it was realistically viable.
It's obviously a tough decision for a 13 year-old to make, but I believe if you're going to do something at a high level, then you should be fully committed and give your best effort. If you're not prepared to do that, then maybe you're not meant to do it. Club soccer in particular is way too expensive (at least for us) to just go through the motions.
My son actually decided with little hesitation to continue pursuing soccer at a high level. It actually worried me a bit because I wasn't sure if he fully grasped what I was saying. But he's 14 years-old now and while his video game playing has definitely ticked-up (primarily playing with his friends), his commitment and desire to train and play soccer at a serious level hasn't lessened. He often has a soccer ball at his feet even when he's playing video games. My son is also aware that playing sports at a high level requires social sacrifices and does not complain about missing parties, trips, and etc because of soccer. It's still pretty easy to get him to train at the park on a moment's notice and I'm pretty fortunate that he does treat soccer as a craft. He uses video games as his "fun" and leisure activity to unwind.
That said, I really like Mirage's last post. While my son and I definitely have a bond through soccer, I also play video games with him fairly regularly. In general I've tried to diversify our common interests and activities. So my relationship with my son isn't defined solely through soccer, which I feel is important so he didn't feel like if he dropped soccer, he would also be dropping his dad. We have other common interests (which btw took effort to develop. It didn't happen magically.)
In a few years, my daughter will also approach The Decision point. I'm really curious which way she'll go because she has more of an "All-Around" personality and interests. She also has a stronger desire for social activities. And the end goal for girls and boys soccer is a bit different, so that has to be taken into consideration as well.
Interesting topic hearing everyone's experiences.
This is something new lots of parents of Gen Zers are seeing which wasn't as present for the Millenials and among Gen Xers was maybe present with the parents of Olympic athletes in some sports. And it's not just limited to soccer. I hear it among the baseballers and see it on TV with the "Friday Night Tykers" and football. You see it even among kids playing for youth orchestra, competitive chess (which my son had to drop this year because it's too much), karate and dance. The kids are having earlier and earlier to make the commitments without fully grasping the consequences of saying no (and what they might miss out on) or yes (and what that would involve). And once you say no, with every year it's harder to pick something else up and reach the same level again (the others who have put the time in are just too advanced).
My own son, doing his rookie year on club at u9, had a similar if smaller decision. He had shown a lot of upside potential on AYSO and had reached the limit on growth there. While his grandfather was a futboler, and I had done a little up to middle school, we weren't a soccer family at all. He understands it's a huge stretch to jump from AYSO to Club, particularly a team which has already done Club for a year. I tried to lay out what it would involve (and he had some idea because over the winter to prep for tryout he had done futsal and picked up a private trainer). But still I worried that as a u9er he couldn't understand what he was getting himself into. Well, last night was his first test...the club is picking up the cost of his goalkeeper class with the club trainer and his first session was last night...his friends (including his little "girlfriend") had invited him to a minecraft meet up. To his credit, before even asking any of us if he could go, he told them "can't...soccer practice". No doubt that will become a recurring sentence in his vocabulary from what Eusebio wrote.
Supermodel56
SILVER ELITE
Have you tried just having a non-confrontational, honest listening session to hear why he doesn't like soccer anymore - beyond just that he wants to play video games... I recently had a similar experience and while mine is much younger, the reasons were completely different from what I had expected - after listening, I have to admit my heart broke a bit, but I let it simmer for a while (in a good, non upset way) and then after a few hours started asking what she thought we could all do to address those concerns.... for me, I think what really made the difference was ensuring it didn't become a confrontational event so she felt heard and understood.
Some of the most frustrating moments were times during our discussion when her assumptions and ideas were completely unreasonable and short-sighted - and I had to bite my tongue - instead of lecturing or demeaning the idea, I just said, 'ok' and then after a while asked what if questions so she could see where the end result would lead to on her own... (again, non-confrontationally). It was really complex because there wasn't just one reason, but many, with only a couple of them in my control and others she didn't specifically say, but I could gather just reading between the lines... (such as fear of not making the team). To be honest, this conversation took over a course of a few weeks she ultimately came around but I also had to be prepared to accept it if she didn't.
Again, I'm a total newbie at this but beyond just soccer, I feel like the most important thing we can teach our kids is how to make good choices and think critically. It's not a skill that comes from us constantly telling them what choices to make, rather like soccer, they need to experience and practice it on their own and inject their own creativity. as their life coaches, we can only guide them and help them understand the game - letting them make most of their mistakes in practice by giving them as many opportunities to make choices as possible so they can refine their technique in time for the game when it really counts.
One more thing, one parent mentioned that they also play video games occasionally with their kids - I haven't done it recently but a little while back I did as well and it truly did help build a bond where we did something fun together, she was able to teach me some things, and it gave me a lot more street cred with her... who knows, maybe having him show you how to play his favorite game might break down some walls?
Wish you the best of luck and please let us know how it turns out!
Some of the most frustrating moments were times during our discussion when her assumptions and ideas were completely unreasonable and short-sighted - and I had to bite my tongue - instead of lecturing or demeaning the idea, I just said, 'ok' and then after a while asked what if questions so she could see where the end result would lead to on her own... (again, non-confrontationally). It was really complex because there wasn't just one reason, but many, with only a couple of them in my control and others she didn't specifically say, but I could gather just reading between the lines... (such as fear of not making the team). To be honest, this conversation took over a course of a few weeks she ultimately came around but I also had to be prepared to accept it if she didn't.
Again, I'm a total newbie at this but beyond just soccer, I feel like the most important thing we can teach our kids is how to make good choices and think critically. It's not a skill that comes from us constantly telling them what choices to make, rather like soccer, they need to experience and practice it on their own and inject their own creativity. as their life coaches, we can only guide them and help them understand the game - letting them make most of their mistakes in practice by giving them as many opportunities to make choices as possible so they can refine their technique in time for the game when it really counts.
One more thing, one parent mentioned that they also play video games occasionally with their kids - I haven't done it recently but a little while back I did as well and it truly did help build a bond where we did something fun together, she was able to teach me some things, and it gave me a lot more street cred with her... who knows, maybe having him show you how to play his favorite game might break down some walls?
Wish you the best of luck and please let us know how it turns out!
The rule for my daughters is homework complete, 30 minutes of exercise, and 30 minutes of reading before they get "electronic time." Exercise can be soccer, basketball, gymnastics, jiu jitsu..basically any physical activity. I make it 60 minutes a piece on days they have off of school or don't have any extracurriculars (Thursday lol). Electronic time includes iPads, TV, computer, etc. It has actually worked pretty well.
Surf Zombie
GOLD
Ditto. With my two ( 9& 7) they don't get to use electronics until after their homework is done and until after sports ( Soccer, Lax, Tennis, Karate) whatever. Then and only then can they use the computer or iPad for 30-45 per day. Otherwise my 7 year old would not unplug all day. This is our policy in response to that. Days with no sports (a rarity) means no electronics.
It has worked so well with him that he complains on days that he doesn't have sports. Before we implemented that rule he wasn't very interested in going to practice most days.
It has worked so well with him that he complains on days that he doesn't have sports. Before we implemented that rule he wasn't very interested in going to practice most days.
SoccerFan4Life
PREMIER
Our recent punishment policy in our house when they are not behaving is.... No electronics for the day, week, or longer. It's amazing how they become kids again and suddenly start kicking the ball or doing some other sport.
So if he wants to quit soccer, ask him to pick another sport that will keep your child busy with something else and set limits on electronics. It's easier said than done.
So if he wants to quit soccer, ask him to pick another sport that will keep your child busy with something else and set limits on electronics. It's easier said than done.
This post reminded me that when our kids were younger (until our older kid was 14 or so), we didn't have a game console. They can't play, if they don't have it. We now have a PS4 but its in the family room.
What they did have was iPad and a computer (Mac). So that limited what they could play. Also we didn't say they could not play; rather, we incentivized them by saying they can play "minute for minute" for book reading time = game time. We did this until kids were 13 yrs or so.
Many years ago (mid-90s?) we had a family gathering at our place. My brother-in-law's kids brought along their game console and to make sure they could use it, brought along the 25-inch TV it was hooked up to at their house. It took two of them to carry that monster in.
gauchosean
SILVER
When my son told me he didn't want to play soccer anymore I was broken hearted because I loved the sport and he was really good at it. I told him I wouldn't force him to play but he wasn't going to just sit around and do nothing he still had to play a sport. The next summer, the one before 8th grade, he wanted to give tennis a try. It became his new thing, year and half later he made varsity as freshman. He trains/plays 5 or 6 days a week and I never have to force him to go. He is working his way up the SoCal USTA rankings.
My only regret is that he didn't start tennis earlier of course if he did he would probably be playing soccer now!
My only regret is that he didn't start tennis earlier of course if he did he would probably be playing soccer now!