What should my son do?

[Not_that_Serious]

I recommend that you find another team at another club. The type of behavior is not the norm and sounds quite toxic.

At that age group it isnt "normal" for all the kids to behave this way but NOT uncommon for a few "alphas" to behave this way. This isnt just a Club issue, it goes down to rec and all in-between. At this age kids are going through big hormone changes. I have seen many kids quit around this age (at all levels of play) due to "bullying". It can be a fine line between what some think is bullying and some kids just being jerks. If you have a team full of jerks, chemistry isnt going to be good so no point on allowing that atmosphere to exist. Having one appointed jerk is also nonsense. Kids need to also learn to defend themselves with their words. Once they establish they wont take being talked to a certain way, kids tend to dial it back. A player also needs to be able to talk to the coach and tell them how they feel. Same advice I tell my kid about grades or kids being disruptive in school - YOU TALK TO YOUR TEACHER. Can't do everything for them. I only step in when the figure in charge isnt correcting something I feel isnt helping my kid develop. At u13-14 kids should not need to be "joysticked", they should be able to warm-up and even figure out a starting line-up on their own. At some of our practices we have all tiers playing together and you can get some real alpha types, so I often tell the lower tier kids not to let them be verbally dominated. They will dominate them physically, but they should stand their ground...especially if/when insulted. Keepers can get the worse of it at times. My kid is a keeper and my advice to him was to tell them to "kick rocks" & throw the gloves at them and tell them to keep and see if they can do better. I've heard him tell kids some funny stuff that makes them shut up quickly. The kids I have seen quit tend to be the real quiet kids with good manners - often ones who have never been taught it is okay to defend yourself. Hate when kids like that quit (who doesnt like a good kid?), but no point playing if you are not having fun. First let the kid figure it out, talk to the coach on his own, then see what happens. Get involved by asking the coach questions AFTER the player gets feedback from the coach - if are still unclear of what needs to be done. Kids at this age are also not the best at relaying information and tend to leave out a lot of details.

 

[timbuck]

I think this thread begs the question - "At what age and level of play is a permanent team captain a good idea?"

05 Boys are in 7th/8th grade. A "fun" age for any gender. You start to see "Alpha" personalities and bullying become a little more pronounced. And if a coach picks the captain, you may get whispers of "that kid is his favorite. I don't know why. He's not that great." (both from players and parents).
My 07 daughter was picked to be her teams captain last year. I was not in favor of making a 10 year girl a "captain." She's a bit bossy and more aggressive than the rest on her team. She was new to the team last year. A girl who had been on the team for a few years (who is a great player) was bummed out and cried that she wasn't a captain. Coach wound up naming both of them as captains for the year. We had to really try to teach her how to try and lead in a positive way with actions and not words. She wasn't ready for it. And her teammates weren't ready to be yelled at by a friend.
And I don't think a "team vote" on captains prior to high school is correct either. It becomes a popularity contest and can cause division among the team.

Not sure on boys. They probably have less sensitivity on this kind of thing. But I do think it is a team-by-team basis on naming permanent captains.

(I was named team captain of our school ski team back in high school. My first year on the team as a junior. A kid who had been on the team since his freshman year and now a senior was really upset that he didn't get named. He couldn't ski his way out of a paper bag and was a bit shy. I told him he could have it. I just wanted to get a chance to ski every day after school).

 

[younothat]

I think this thread begs the question - "At what age and level of play is a permanent team captain a good idea?"

05 Boys are in 7th/8th grade. A "fun" age for any gender. You start to see "Alpha" personalities and bullying become a little more pronounced. And if a coach picks the captain, you may get whispers of "that kid is his favorite. I don't know why. He's not that great." (both from players and parents).
My 07 daughter was picked to be her teams captain last year. I was not in favor of making a 10 year girl a "captain." She's a bit bossy and more aggressive than the rest on her team. She was new to the team last year. A girl who had been on the team for a few years (who is a great player) was bummed out and cried that she wasn't a captain. Coach wound up naming both of them as captains for the year. We had to really try to teach her how to try and lead in a positive way with actions and not words. She wasn't ready for it. And her teammates weren't ready to be yelled at by a friend.
And I don't think a "team vote" on captains prior to high school is correct either. It becomes a popularity contest and can cause division among the team.

Not sure on boys. They probably have less sensitivity on this kind of thing. But I do think it is a team-by-team basis on naming permanent captains.

(I was named team captain of our school ski team back in high school. My first year on the team as a junior. A kid who had been on the team since his freshman year and now a senior was really upset that he didn't get named. He couldn't ski his way out of a paper bag and was a bit shy. I told him he could have it. I just wanted to get a chance to ski every day after school).

My U16/17 son will tell you he prefers earning the right to be captain & rotating among players who have the support of the team & coach.

Some of them might only captain for a single game while other will go on a streak for x games.. Injuries, performance, training attendance, and player relations can all be a factor for changing that week or not but its good that more players get captain experience. Sometimes a coach will mention the player of the game or effort player of the game and the captain can nominate those people or recommend them for the next game for example, my son has done this and teammates really appreciate that.