Fair points, but let’s be honest, you’re kind of missing what this conversation is actually about.
Nobody’s saying competition shouldn’t exist. It’s
youth soccer, not tee-ball. We all get that. But there’s a huge difference between
teaching kids to compete and
teaching them to humiliate.
Yeah, SoCal calls it “Competitive” and “Recreational.” Cool. But let’s not act like this is ECNL Finals in Richmond — we’re talking
entry-level development leagues. The goal at this stage is building good habits and love for the game, not chasing imaginary rankings so a coach can feel like Pep Guardiola on the weekend.
Sure, refs can be bad. Welcome to SoCal soccer. But that has zero to do with whether a coach has enough awareness to
pull back when they’re up by six. You don’t need a new referee program to know when to show class.
And the “parents need to take ownership” point? Fair… but that knife cuts both ways. Parents shouldn’t have to club-hop every six months just to find a coach who values development over ego. That’s a culture problem — not a parenting one.
End of the day, it’s not about stopping competition — it’s about teaching kids
how to win with respect and lose with pride. Too many adults out here acting like their U10 record is going on their LinkedIn.
**** If your team’s up 7-0 and you’re still pressing — you’re not coaching soccer, you’re farming content for IG.
*****
I think we are both saying the same thing. I cannot categorically call any of your points wrong. It does appear though we may disagree on the way to reach those goals or the definition of some of the terms/phrases you use.
(1) You are absolutely correct but just because Team A lost 23-2 doesnt automatically mean Team B is playing down and Team B's coach didnt force their team to reset play twice and make at least 15 passes before scoring. The general sentiment here appears to blame the winning team and coach. My main point here, akin to what you state in your 3rd point is the knife cuts both ways. The losing teams more often than not are not willing to see their shortcomings.
(2) This does have a lot to do with development. If you have referees that arent aware of the correct laws, are unable to keep up with pace of play, sit in the center circle, have extremely poor vision, reflexes, energy and are on a power trip you CANNOT develop the mentality, sportsmanship, fair play etc in the kids. Your assumption here at 6 goals up is that ALL coaches dont pull back, read my above point. One of our teams played a TFA team when 2015s were the youngest age group. This was a flight 2 bracket. At the 7 minute mark the TFA team was down by 5 goals. The TFA players on the field were crying asking to go home. Our coach went to the referee and asked if we could change this to a scrimmage and we just mixed the players from both teams to have a better, more fun experience for the boys. The opposition parents and coach's response was "our boys need to get tougher we are not mixing players" and the referees response was "you can leave and give them the win by forfeit if you want." We werent allowed to forfeit as that ends up in a fine by SoCal Soccer league and our club wouldnt allow it. Our coach changed the way he played moved all the boys in to different positions and had our keeper play as sweeper and enforced pass count before attempting to score. Despite this the game ended 17-1. The counting passes was more demoralising and demeaning than scoring more goals. We all hope the coaches use situations like this to train/coach, but there is also another element, the 6/7 years old on the field. They all want to score too. If you have been a parent you know the kids dont always listen to you and punishing them for playing the game just because the opposition made poor choices is also not fair. Also i strongly believe that your version of class and mine are probably different (see my explanation at end). As a former athlete myself, someone showing pity at any age during a competition is a greater insult than beating me fair and square. This is also where as parents we need to take responsibility and work with our kids to see if they are ready to play club/academy/competitive at any age. Each child develops differently and some are ready earlier and some arent. You can still develop the "player" without enrolling in club and playing competitions.
(3) Your belief is that the club and coach, their primary responsibility is to develop the players. The club on the other hand as most of them dont have ties to player contracts, retaining a portion of the developmental fee or other such articles/benefits under the FIFA guidelines, their goal is to generate revenue (cannot say profit as most of them operate as non-profits). Until such time where this alignment exists the disparity between our hope as parents and the player farming at clubs is not going to disappear. So yes you might have to change club/coach every season or more even until you find the right fit for your child. If you are not willing to do that then you are failing as a parent/guardian. Make sure you do your due diligence before signing your child up but if it doesnt work out dont be scared to find another club/coach.
What you allude to in your statement
how to win with respect and lose with pride, in my opinion and that of most medical professionals and athletes would be wrong.
Winning with respect does not mean showing mercy and pity to the opposition. While compassion is an element of respect, pity and condescending mercy are incompatible with genuine respect for an opponent. Respectful winning is about demonstrating humility and acknowledging your opponent's worth, not treating them as inferior.
Pity creates distance and positions the person giving it as superior to the person receiving it. It involves feeling sorry for someone from a "better-off-than" mindset and can be demeaning. An opponent may see being pitied as condescending rather than caring.
Respect, by contrast, acknowledges the inherent worth and dignity of another individual. It operates on a level of equality, recognizing that your opponent's effort and challenge pushed you to succeed.
Mercy is about withholding a deserved punishment or penalty, often from a position of power. While it can be an act of compassion, it is different from respect, which is about acknowledging someone's inherent dignity regardless of the outcome.
True respect for an opponent is shown by playing your hardest and giving your best effort, not by holding back out of kindness. Winning with respect means that your victory is earned fairly and without arrogance, and you acknowledge your opponent's own valiant effort.
In other words if you are 7-0 up and you stop playing, you are not showing respect, you are being condescending, demeaning and disrespectful. If the winning coach keeps yelling dont score without passing 10 times and the players are counting out their passes aloud, this isnt coaching respect and developing good sportsmanship, it is teaching arrogance and announcing to the opposition how inferior they are. That isnt to say that you cannot chose other ways to coach the team to slow the scoring but again you are talking about 6/7, maybe 8/9 year olds and potentially punishing them for having fun.
.... but let’s be honest, that reply reads like it came straight out of ChatGPT’s philosophy department. You didn’t have to write a thesis on the difference between pity and respect to make your point, my friend.