Negativity

Z

zanian

BRONZE
I guess this is a quasi rant as it has been on my mind for a while. Is anyone else concerned about the amount of negativity in soccer? I see much of this bleeding into the younger game from the pros so some of this is predictable. Diving, time wasting, insults, fights, crazy players, fans and coaches.

But is this a good thing for our kids? For example, coaches that are rarely positive and single out players with insults. I've seen some stuff this past year that should result in coaches being fired. Coaches cursing at kids. Parents seem afraid to rock the boat to this kind of behavior thinking it may hurt their child chances. Some coaches seem to have a policy of picking on one different player each week with insults. These are kids and they are not in basic training. No wonder kids leave the sport.

Also many parents and players seem to freak out at every call or non-call. (yes many times there are very bad calls) This promotes endless whining. The whining really feels like nails on the chalkboard as it feels like the default position. I have been in situations where the parents took the game so seriously that we were afraid to go to our cars at the end of the game. This is silly. This is kid's sports.

On the girls side I see so few coaches that use any form of positive encouragement, particularly at the higher level. I always hear about toxic positivity and I agree that is not a good thing either. But why do we put up with this? If anyone can give me any clubs that are known for frowning on endless negativity, I would like to know.

I went to a high school game last week and it was absolutely embarrassing. Non stop whining and borderline violence. All over some third rate game where none of the players will play in college or go pro. The coaches, parents and players all seemed like they were taking meth or something. Granted the refs were pretty terrible but how can it be this bad? Again the word is EMBARRASSING.

End of rant. Now I will go to my child's less embarrassing sport.
 
As parents, we can help balance out the negativity w/ positivity. Be vocal with positive encouragement only for players during the game. Be selective (1x or 2x per game) with when you yell for a foul...otherwise refs will think sideline are complainers and tune them out. Take pressure off the coach by letting them know the team is playing well even if the results are not there yet. Remind parents its all about development and experience and to enjoy the ride.
 
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Can I ask the age group? Things seem to settle down the older the kids get. The coaching behavior you describe sounds crazy to me and that is truly sad. I hope that is not common in the club you are in. Some coaches can't act appropriately and you need to avoid putting your kid on their team. Complaining about refs and calls/non-calls is common. Identify the loudest parents on your team and sit away from them during games. It seems to be worse when its a group of parents together and they egg each other on. What's the less embarrassing sport btw?
 
zanian said:
I guess this is a quasi rant as it has been on my mind for a while. Is anyone else concerned about the amount of negativity in soccer? I see much of this bleeding into the younger game from the pros so some of this is predictable. Diving, time wasting, insults, fights, crazy players, fans and coaches.

But is this a good thing for our kids? For example, coaches that are rarely positive and single out players with insults. I've seen some stuff this past year that should result in coaches being fired. Coaches cursing at kids. Parents seem afraid to rock the boat to this kind of behavior thinking it may hurt their child chances. Some coaches seem to have a policy of picking on one different player each week with insults. These are kids and they are not in basic training. No wonder kids leave the sport.

Also many parents and players seem to freak out at every call or non-call. (yes many times there are very bad calls) This promotes endless whining. The whining really feels like nails on the chalkboard as it feels like the default position. I have been in situations where the parents took the game so seriously that we were afraid to go to our cars at the end of the game. This is silly. This is kid's sports.

On the girls side I see so few coaches that use any form of positive encouragement, particularly at the higher level. I always hear about toxic positivity and I agree that is not a good thing either. But why do we put up with this? If anyone can give me any clubs that are known for frowning on endless negativity, I would like to know.

I went to a high school game last week and it was absolutely embarrassing. Non stop whining and borderline violence. All over some third rate game where none of the players will play in college or go pro. The coaches, parents and players all seemed like they were taking meth or something. Granted the refs were pretty terrible but how can it be this bad? Again the word is EMBARRASSING.

End of rant. Now I will go to my child's less embarrassing sport.
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You're not wrong. There is a big difference between knowing how to coach soccer and actually knowing how to coach kids. I don't know where it comes from (because most coaches have accomplished nothing in the sport), but there is a level of arrogance in soccer coaches that I don't see as much in other sports. There are far more passion sucking coaches in youth soccer than there are passion creating coaches (particularly at the younger ages). Rightly or wrongly, there is more commitment involved in soccer and having passion for the sport is a necessary attribute to succeed at the highest levels.

Passion sucking coaches is part of the reason that some of the best athletes leave soccer when they reach high school.
 
Jar!23 said:
Can I ask the age group? Things seem to settle down the older the kids get. The coaching behavior you describe sounds crazy to me and that is truly sad. I hope that is not common in the club you are in. Some coaches can't act appropriately and you need to avoid putting your kid on their team. Complaining about refs and calls/non-calls is common. Identify the loudest parents on your team and sit away from them during games. It seems to be worse when its a group of parents together and they egg each other on. What's the less embarrassing sport btw?
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You are absolutely correct in your interpretation of how this behavior sounds and the emotions it invokes in a parent. Unfortunately the truth is that it is fairly common and more often than not is part of the club and region culture.

The soccer leagues have rules against it and the referees are supposed to card / call out coaches for this kind of behavior but rarely do.

The bigger problem is what OP stated and others have probably experienced as well: NOT SPEAKING UP.

As a parent you need to decide whether the youth soccer is more important with said coach/club and teaching your child that it is ok for someone to talk to them in that manner as well as that their individual worth is solely based on what this youth coach believes.

Furthermore, sitting away from the loud parents / sidelines is the same. Foster the environment on the team that you want for your child athlete. Values / Sportsmanship / Respect is understood by the kids from everything around them. The more you let the child be exposed to behavior you find wrong / reprehensible the more the child is going to feel that it is ok to behave like that.

There are numerous options out there for your child to develop in a positive environment, it is up to you as a parent to determine what boundaries you are willing to blur.
 
We're 10 or so games into our first season of High School soccer, and the whining is insane. I'd seen instances of it at club soccer, but it's relentless at HS, and embarrassingly, our parents are the worst culprits. I'm kinda embarrassed to be associated with them, and when parents from the opponents finally lose patience and tell them to shut up and just watch the game, they shush them. It's really cringe. They also complain about what our kids are doing on the field, without having a clue what they're talking about ("Why are we passing back to the keeper!!!!", "Stop dribbling and pass!" - when the kid with the ball has 20 yards of wide-open space in front of him).

I will say that the refs are definitely below what we had a club, with some truly bizarre decisions, but those decisions have cut both ways, and the whining is about every call, not just the bad ones. It's one subset of parents, but I'm close to shushing them myself, LOL.
 
Jar!23 said:
Can I ask the age group? Things seem to settle down the older the kids get. The coaching behavior you describe sounds crazy to me and that is truly sad. I hope that is not common in the club you are in. Some coaches can't act appropriately and you need to avoid putting your kid on their team. Complaining about refs and calls/non-calls is common. Identify the loudest parents on your team and sit away from them during games. It seems to be worse when its a group of parents together and they egg each other on. What's the less embarrassing sport btw?
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The age group is U13 and I see this in most of the other age groups strangely most among the girl coaches. The less embarrassing sports are volleyball and cross country/track. So much more positivity.
 
Karlton Athletic said:
We're 10 or so games into our first season of High School soccer, and the whining is insane. I'd seen instances of it at club soccer, but it's relentless at HS, and embarrassingly, our parents are the worst culprits. I'm kinda embarrassed to be associated with them, and when parents from the opponents finally lose patience and tell them to shut up and just watch the game, they shush them. It's really cringe. They also complain about what our kids are doing on the field, without having a clue what they're talking about ("Why are we passing back to the keeper!!!!", "Stop dribbling and pass!" - when the kid with the ball has 20 yards of wide-open space in front of him).

I will say that the refs are definitely below what we had a club, with some truly bizarre decisions, but those decisions have cut both ways, and the whining is about every call, not just the bad ones. It's one subset of parents, but I'm close to shushing them myself, LOL.
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I had the opposite experience with HS soccer. Yes the level of play is lower than club but the craziness and chaos is a nice change of pace. Unfortunately I've seen multiple players get hurt in HS games which makes me nervous. Things get more "normal" when you get to varsity but its still wilder than club because theres so many unknowns. One thing I do like about HS is players that have been tagged lower level in club get a chance to shine without any preconceived expectations.

One thing I noticed thats interesting is HS tends to play with less refs than club. Also, in general the level of reffing is lower than club. Is this a positive or a negative I'm not quite sure.
 
Karlton Athletic said:
We're 10 or so games into our first season of High School soccer, and the whining is insane. I'd seen instances of it at club soccer, but it's relentless at HS, and embarrassingly, our parents are the worst culprits. I'm kinda embarrassed to be associated with them, and when parents from the opponents finally lose patience and tell them to shut up and just watch the game, they shush them. It's really cringe. They also complain about what our kids are doing on the field, without having a clue what they're talking about ("Why are we passing back to the keeper!!!!", "Stop dribbling and pass!" - when the kid with the ball has 20 yards of wide-open space in front of him).

I will say that the refs are definitely below what we had a club, with some truly bizarre decisions, but those decisions have cut both ways, and the whining is about every call, not just the bad ones. It's one subset of parents, but I'm close to shushing them myself, LOL.
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QQ does your child play club wen HS season is not in session?

If yes and the HS experience is so poor why not pull them from the HS team and have the child play/practice outside of HS with club?

Doesnt sound like they are getting any positive and helpful coaching and direction from the bench or the parents and would mostly be detrimental to their development.
 
The primary objective of high school soccer isn't to prepare for anything. It's to enjoy high school soccer. Kids are in it because, well, they want to play high school soccer. The parents can be another level of clueless compared to "club parents", who at least have been doing this for so many years that they generally know the rules - but there are certainly exceptions. If a high-school age kid (or their parents), is really worried about "their development", they can certainly make decisions about how best to spend their limited time, and maybe the high school programs by them aren't part of it. But for the vast majority of kids playing soccer - it ends when senior year ends.
 
RandomSoccerFan said:
The primary objective of high school soccer isn't to prepare for anything. It's to enjoy high school soccer. Kids are in it because, well, they want to play high school soccer. The parents can be another level of clueless compared to "club parents", who at least have been doing this for so many years that they generally know the rules - but there are certainly exceptions. If a high-school age kid (or their parents), is really worried about "their development", they can certainly make decisions about how best to spend their limited time, and maybe the high school programs by them aren't part of it. But for the vast majority of kids playing soccer - it ends when senior year ends.
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Most of the kids i have worked with and have been involved with are playing HS soccer not for the "fun". They all seem to prefer their club team was still playing and/or they were just playing without a coach who knew less than what they knew about soccer in general.

More often than not the kids and parents seem to feel (and this is just my experience) that the child needs to play HS to get exposure to college recruits as well as with club generally on break their child will lose their touch. Both these items can be mitigated in a multitude of ways.

It is my strong belief that even if a child does want to play soccer in HS for "fun" at that age it is still in the best interest of the parent to discuss/evaluate the pros and cons of the situation with their child if they want to pursue soccer at a higher level in the future.

However if HS is what they feel might be the pinnacle of their sporting life then the choices are fairly straightforward imo: either step up and be a voice of reason with the potential backlash from the other families and coach being taken out on your child, let your child suffer through it for the inconsequential accolades they may receive or look for other HS programs that are a better fit for you and your child. My suggestion would still be option 4: pull your child and let them play soccer for fun in a different platform, club/rec/friends etc and enjoy it, you never know they may be a later bloomer and are more likely to have a brighter future playing in positive environment!
 
MochaRulz said:
QQ does your child play club wen HS season is not in session?

If yes and the HS experience is so poor why not pull them from the HS team and have the child play/practice outside of HS with club?

Doesnt sound like they are getting any positive and helpful coaching and direction from the bench or the parents and would mostly be detrimental to their development.
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Yeah, he plays club, but his experience of HS soccer isn't poor. He's playing with friends, and they haven't lost a game yet. As a freshman playing on JV, he's having to go up against some big, strong kids - all good, plus while the coach isn't tactically sophisticated, he's a nice guy that clearly is trying to coach the boys about more than just soccer (I like the way he makes them pick up all their trash at the end, for example).

The issue is a small subset of our parents, who have a real sense of entitlement and take it all way too seriously.
 
zanian said:
I guess this is a quasi rant as it has been on my mind for a while. Is anyone else concerned about the amount of negativity in soccer? I see much of this bleeding into the younger game from the pros so some of this is predictable. Diving, time wasting, insults, fights, crazy players, fans and coaches.

But is this a good thing for our kids? For example, coaches that are rarely positive and single out players with insults. I've seen some stuff this past year that should result in coaches being fired. Coaches cursing at kids. Parents seem afraid to rock the boat to this kind of behavior thinking it may hurt their child chances. Some coaches seem to have a policy of picking on one different player each week with insults. These are kids and they are not in basic training. No wonder kids leave the sport.

Also many parents and players seem to freak out at every call or non-call. (yes many times there are very bad calls) This promotes endless whining. The whining really feels like nails on the chalkboard as it feels like the default position. I have been in situations where the parents took the game so seriously that we were afraid to go to our cars at the end of the game. This is silly. This is kid's sports.

On the girls side I see so few coaches that use any form of positive encouragement, particularly at the higher level. I always hear about toxic positivity and I agree that is not a good thing either. But why do we put up with this? If anyone can give me any clubs that are known for frowning on endless negativity, I would like to know.

I went to a high school game last week and it was absolutely embarrassing. Non stop whining and borderline violence. All over some third rate game where none of the players will play in college or go pro. The coaches, parents and players all seemed like they were taking meth or something. Granted the refs were pretty terrible but how can it be this bad? Again the word is EMBARRASSING.

End of rant. Now I will go to my child's less embarrassing sport.
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