My opinion is going to be unpopular, but I wonder how much responsibility coaches and players have to control physical behavior? As long as the behavior isn't intentionally violent and/or with an intent to injure, a player is entitled to use as much physical force as the ref allows. To me that's gamesmanship...take what your given. If the ref is allowing a certain level of physical contact why should one team disadvantage itself by not playing with the same level of contact?
While a ref is not personally responsible for a player injury, the ref can create an environment where rough play is not discouraged. We've all seen games go south quickly on a ref that didn't punish rough play and the game got out of control. Isn't "player safety" the ref's primary responsibility?
On another note, I've never heard a coach tell a player to retaliate (although I'm certainly not privy to every conversation), some players seem to come by that naturally. I've seen coaches pull a player that was clearly out of control, but it doesn't seem to happen otherwise.
While I think the tackle in question could easily be worthy of a caution, are some of you saying the coach should have pulled that player for her physical play, or at least, tell her to knock it off? To me it was nothing out of the ordinary and possibly tactical in nature. Coaches do teach tactical fouls as it's an inherent part of the game.