Made the Flight 1 A Team - mistake or suck it up?

So our kiddo made the "A" team at a "top" competitive club, but now we're having second thoughts. We really like the club and coach - but team dynamics seem totally dysfunctional. The players overall are very good and they train hard. But parents are ULTRA competitive, feels like everyone's only looking out for their own kid and for some, if they're not yelling at your kid, they're yelling at their own - seriously. That attitude has unfortunately started filtering down to what otherwise would be good kids. Besides a small clique that trains together outside, none of the players nor parents really care to hang out with each other - a couple players are just downright jerks.

Is this normal and what it takes to be among the best? Our impression is the club is preparing these girls for DA in a few years where it seems more focused on individual play anyway. Objectively, our DD is probably ranked middle on the team but she's not starting (first off bench) and she really could use more playing time to develop.

I can see all this wearing on her after practice and games - she works her tail off, but I can tell she's changed and she's no longer as excited about wins nor phased by losses - she still practices almost every day on her own at home. She gets along with the B team girls better and hinted she'd rather play with them instead (even though she hasn't actually played with them). I'm expecting the B team to eventually become the ECNL team and the club is unlikely to pull girls from B to A.

For those who've been through it, what do you think? Do we teach DD to hang in there or try to find a better environment (perhaps B team or forfeit fees and find other club) where she can have fun and hopefully get more playing time/develop but potentially miss out on DA? It's a great opportunity, but is it worth the cost? any suggestions?
 
If you player is not projected to be a started, doesn't really enjoy the team, or feel comfortable I would listen to my players and look for something else.

Don't know what age you're talking about but fostering the love of the game is one of the most important thing you can help your player with.

Player(s) know best...remember the journey is more important than the destination often, kids have to enjoy the game to keep playing and having fun.
 
If you player is not projected to be a started, doesn't really enjoy the team, or feel comfortable I would listen to my players and look for something else.

Don't know what age you're talking about but fostering the love of the game is one of the most important thing you can help your player with.

Player(s) know best...remember the journey is more important than the destination often, kids have to enjoy the game to keep playing and having fun.

I can only tell you what our family would do, and that's move her to the b team or switch clubs. It sounds like she is younger, and girls only get cliquier and meaner as they turn into preteens and teens. And I don't think I could last a single game with a group of asshole parents like that. It's just soccer. Not worth your family being miserable for a year plus.
 
So our kiddo made the "A" team at a "top" competitive club, but now we're having second thoughts. We really like the club and coach - but team dynamics seem totally dysfunctional. The players overall are very good and they train hard. But parents are ULTRA competitive, feels like everyone's only looking out for their own kid and for some, if they're not yelling at your kid, they're yelling at their own - seriously. That attitude has unfortunately started filtering down to what otherwise would be good kids. Besides a small clique that trains together outside, none of the players nor parents really care to hang out with each other - a couple players are just downright jerks.

Is this normal and what it takes to be among the best? Our impression is the club is preparing these girls for DA in a few years where it seems more focused on individual play anyway. Objectively, our DD is probably ranked middle on the team but she's not starting (first off bench) and she really could use more playing time to develop.

I can see all this wearing on her after practice and games - she works her tail off, but I can tell she's changed and she's no longer as excited about wins nor phased by losses - she still practices almost every day on her own at home. She gets along with the B team girls better and hinted she'd rather play with them instead (even though she hasn't actually played with them). I'm expecting the B team to eventually become the ECNL team and the club is unlikely to pull girls from B to A.

For those who've been through it, what do you think? Do we teach DD to hang in there or try to find a better environment (perhaps B team or forfeit fees and find other club) where she can have fun and hopefully get more playing time/develop but potentially miss out on DA? It's a great opportunity, but is it worth the cost? any suggestions?
Lilstrkr, if your kid is not trying to be on the national team, then why is GDA such a great opportunity? And at what cost emotionally etc?? There are many many many things a kid can do during the week instead of soccer.

Also, faced with this same situation many tryout/interview other clubs to see if their kid can find a better fit... It's free to try out and being happy is worth something!
 
If you player is not projected to be a started, doesn't really enjoy the team, or feel comfortable I would listen to my players and look for something else.

Don't know what age you're talking about but fostering the love of the game is one of the most important thing you can help your player with.

Player(s) know best...remember the journey is more important than the destination often, kids have to enjoy the game to keep playing and having fun.

That's what my gut is saying, but at the same time... even as grown ups, there will be times when you'll have to deal with poor work environments - and from what I've seen, the higher up you go in the corporate world, the more competitive and well, more assholes there are. There is something certainly to be said about mental toughness - I just wish it they didn't have to experience it so soon.

My question is, for those whose DD/DS's ended up getting recruited and playing college ball or ODP - did they have to go through this as well - is this the norm and what to expect at that level, or were you able to get there on teams where the parents and teammates truly wanted each other to succeed?
 
I can only tell you what our family would do, and that's move her to the b team or switch clubs. It sounds like she is younger, and girls only get cliquier and meaner as they turn into preteens and teens. And I don't think I could last a single game with a group of asshole parents like that. It's just soccer. Not worth your family being miserable for a year plus.

I do want to say that I don't think the parents are assholes - or at least most of them don't intend to be and I think they're otherwise really good people. I think it's really the competitive nature and concern for their own kids that drives them this way - not sure if that makes sense. Which is why I wonder if it's just the nature of top level club soccer.
 
That's what my gut is saying, but at the same time... even as grown ups, there will be times when you'll have to deal with poor work environments - and from what I've seen, the higher up you go in the corporate world, the more competitive and well, more assholes there are. There is something certainly to be said about mental toughness - I just wish it they didn't have to experience it so soon.

My question is, for those whose DD/DS's ended up getting recruited and playing college ball or ODP - did they have to go through this as well - is this the norm and what to expect at that level, or were you able to get there on teams where the parents and teammates truly wanted each other to succeed?

Having fun and being on the "A" team are not mutually exclusive. If she has the skills and you have the resources, bite the bullet and find another club or participate in the B team for a year. (However, depending on her age, I would opt to keep her on the most competitive side possible.) My player was on an ECNL team and a very competitive national championship team...she has had a ball playing with a team full of Pac12 commits, and will attend an ACC school in 2018. And on the parental side, you couldn't find a nicer, more welcoming group of tequila shooters.
 
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I do want to say that I don't think the parents are assholes - or at least most of them don't intend to be and I think they're otherwise really good people. I think it's really the competitive nature and concern for their own kids that drives them this way - not sure if that makes sense. Which is why I wonder if it's just the nature of top level club soccer.

No, it's not normal, and not the nature of top level soccer. If it were, we would have been long gone.
 
Lilstrkr, if your kid is not trying to be on the national team, then why is GDA such a great opportunity? And at what cost emotionally etc?? There are many many many things a kid can do during the week instead of soccer.

Also, faced with this same situation many tryout/interview other clubs to see if their kid can find a better fit... It's free to try out and being happy is worth something!

Well, she DOES want to play at the highest level possible. Hands down she loves soccer and it's her #1 passion, next is computer programming, not even kidding. She chose to join this team knowing she didn't have any friends but playing with better players will only make her better. It's just that none of us expected it to be this way.

Realistically, I think she has potential, I say she's middle of the road right now because while she's clearly within the top 3 on the team regarding her skills and speed, there ARE areas she just needs to improve and develop in - but nothing that can't be fixed or taught. I also suspect that some parents made a "deal" with the coach to have their kid start or get X playing time - anyone know if this actually happens?

For me, I'm perfectly fine if she doesn't make the national team - although she's dreamed of it since she was 4... that's going to have to be all her decision and drive. I just hope she gets to play college ball and given that she's a really smart kid, ideally get recruited by an Ivy down the road. The question is, if she doesn't play DA, will she still get the opportunity and be considered? I know, thinking WAY ahead here, right? but the reality is, some choices lead to more opportunities than others... (Grace T - would love to hear your thoughts on this!)
 
If it's the A team at a top club, why is the coach allowing parents to coach their kids (and yours) from the sidelines?
 
That's what my gut is saying, but at the same time... even as grown ups, there will be times when you'll have to deal with poor work environments - and from what I've seen, the higher up you go in the corporate world, the more competitive and well, more assholes there are. There is something certainly to be said about mental toughness - I just wish it they didn't have to experience it so soon.

My question is, for those whose DD/DS's ended up getting recruited and playing college ball or ODP - did they have to go through this as well - is this the norm and what to expect at that level, or were you able to get there on teams where the parents and teammates truly wanted each other to succeed?
Instilling the love for the game is more important than being on the "A" team. If your DD is younger, her loving the game and team will give her that much needed second wind to persevere when the going gets tough. We took a leap of faith and people often questioned our decision because at the time it wasn't a top team. For the amount of time she puts in week end and week out she needed to be in a positive environment . In hindsight that was the best decision we could have made. The right environment, with the right coach, with the right teammates, will allow your daughter to grow .
 
For me, I'm perfectly fine if she doesn't make the national team - although she's dreamed of it since she was 4... that's going to have to be all her decision and drive. I just hope she gets to play college ball and given that she's a really smart kid, ideally get recruited by an Ivy down the road. The question is, if she doesn't play DA, will she still get the opportunity and be considered? I know, thinking WAY ahead here, right? but the reality is, some choices lead to more opportunities than others... (Grace T - would love to hear your thoughts on this!)

@LilStriker the U.S. Will continue to seek out the best regardless of which league you choose for your DD.
 
For me, I'm perfectly fine if she doesn't make the national team - although she's dreamed of it since she was 4... that's going to have to be all her decision and drive. I just hope she gets to play college ball and given that she's a really smart kid, ideally get recruited by an Ivy down the road. The question is, if she doesn't play DA, will she still get the opportunity and be considered? I know, thinking WAY ahead here, right? but the reality is, some choices lead to more opportunities than others... (Grace T - would love to hear your thoughts on this!)

Unless she's aiming for Stanford (not an Ivy but on par), with the Ivy's its hard to say. The quality of the teams vary greatly (Harvard, IIRC, is ranked in the 40s, for example). If you are going the soccer route into college, it's more a question of getting into the best soccer program available given where the teams are on any particular year...you are kind of dependent on how the soccer team is doing in recent years and where it's ranked and what positions they need. The Ivy's generally care that the student excels and stands out at one thing-- and if soccer is the one thing, then that doesn't leave her with a bunch of other arrows in her quiver-- her application will rise and fall by whether she is recruited onto the soccer team (I just went through this with a basketball applicant, for example, who wasn't recruited). Soccer isn't a great route into the Ivys as a result. It's more a question of serendipity (right time, right place, right team, right spot) and you can't really game that, but DA as a result isn't an absolute must. If it's Stanford...well, good luck to you...and yes, making the national team would help there.
 
That's what my gut is saying, but at the same time... even as grown ups, there will be times when you'll have to deal with poor work environments - and from what I've seen, the higher up you go in the corporate world, the more competitive and well, more assholes there are. There is something certainly to be said about mental toughness - I just wish it they didn't have to experience it so soon.

My question is, for those whose DD/DS's ended up getting recruited and playing college ball or ODP - did they have to go through this as well - is this the norm and what to expect at that level, or were you able to get there on teams where the parents and teammates truly wanted each other to succeed?
It is par for the course. The vast majority of the great players have an edge to them and girls are clicky.

If your DD isn't happy, listen to her. She is the one who has to play and be around those girls for the next year. As for parents who cares if you break bread together. I never did!
 
Instilling the love for the game is more important than being on the "A" team. If your DD is younger, her loving the game and team will give her that much needed second wind to persevere when the going gets tough. We took a leap of faith and people often questioned our decision because at the time it wasn't a top team. For the amount of time she puts in week end and week out she needed to be in a positive environment . In hindsight that was the best decision we could have made. The right environment, with the right coach, with the right teammates, will allow your daughter to grow .

Agreed. Positive environment (and good coaching) outweighs team name, ranking or status any day of the week. Ask MAP if a b team player can make it to the top. If your daughter is still in elementary school, a lot can happen. I would not be thinking about college play at Ivy League school quite yet ;)
 
It is par for the course. The vast majority of the great players have an edge to them and girls are clicky.

If your DD isn't happy, listen to her. She is the one who has to play and be around those girls for the next year. As for parents who cares if you break bread together. I never did!
I almost forgot the nicest parents from my experience with club soccer, the B team parents no comparison. Trust me the A team parents know where your DD is on the club soccer ladder.
 
I have heard of teams that have this culture, but luckily we have not had to deal with that. DD plays on a top level team that will be GDA next season. All but two of the players on DD's team are committed, and one of those chose to not play soccer in college since she got accepted to Cal. Years ago wWhen we were shopping for teams, DD said "I love this team" as we drove away from the first practice. The players get along well and the parents have been awesome. If I were in your shoes, I would try to find a better situation with input from my player. Life is too short to have a fun game ruined by a coach that cannot control the sideline and parents who cannot act like adults. I would rather listen to the blues than have them.
 
My son plays on a top flight 1 team and all the parents are great as are all the kids. I realize he is boy, which probably makes my experience irrelevant. I have a DD just starting out in soccer so I am hoping her experience is the same. What might be more relevant is that I own my own company. One of the reasons I do is I have some simple rules I live by. One of those is "Life is too short to spend time with assholes."
 
Find a new situation would be my advice if I can humbly offer it (B team or another option). From a personal anecdote, I don't know if my DD will play beyond club and high-school (a long way away since she is only an '05), but stories like these remind me of how lucky our family has been . . . having followed the same core of girls through Elite, Flight 3, Flight 2, to now the top Flight 1 team at our club in their age group.

My wife and I honestly can't wait for soccer weekends to see and hangout with people that are now our friends, and see their girls that we are so deeply invested in. When a parent starts getting ultra-competitive (we all do, right?) all 14 other sets of parents tease them unmercifully and they end-up self correcting and laughing at themselves. When we made the step to flight 1 this year some of the girls couldn't take that step, and it was a truly sad moment to see some of those girls (and therefore their families also) stay on the Flight 2 team. We are bummed we (and our DD also) will only go watch their games now when they are local and there isn't an overlap.

But I get it, and have just gotten a glimpse of the sort of thing you speak about - as we had to pick-up four Flight 1 level girls from other clubs to fill the roster for the open spots around the core. Filled-up all four quickly - and thought we had great fits . . . only to have one DD parents start to get ultra-competitive, hyper-critical of the coaching, and focus on their daughter only (even though I heard their DD didn't want to leave), get distracted by the promises of a Pre-Academy team and deeper "development" - only to bail. We just all shook our heads. I know when our daughter hangs-up her cleats, whenever that is, she and us will treasure these times. What you are experiencing doesn't have to be the norm. And yeah, with Academy starting next year for '05s, maybe things start to change - and our team gets ripped apart a bit in 2018/2019 . . . but if I was a betting man, I think not . . .

And in a shameless plug - any chance your DD is an 'o5 in Southern OC? We are looking to add a striker or mid after the departure I mention above ;-)
 
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