How to support your gk mentally

So I'm looking for some sound advice from you goalkeeper parents on how to help support your goalkeeper mentally after a detrimental mistake in a game. We have only been in the goalkeeping world going on 18 months and are still learning. Unfortunately, this weekend, my gk (age 11) made a terrible read on the ball which she thought was going wide, which it did not, in a finals game in a tournament in double overtime.....so we lost.

She was clearly upset by it once we got in the car and feels that her team hates her. She doesn't want to go to practice this week in fear of them expressing their anger or ignoring her due to her mistake. I have told her that she is developing as a gk, and making mistakes is part of the learning process. I have reminded her of mistakes her team-mates make every game, but they have the advantage of another team-mate picking up their slack to lessen the burden of their mistake. None of what I tell her is helping. I even showed her a video of the Columbian goalkeeper doing the exact same thing against Argentina in a World Cup Qualifier, which almost cost them their trip the World Cup. I guess I just don't know how to get through to her on this one. Do I just let it go and move on, which I prefer, or do I try to keep talking about it? Missing practice is not an option I am giving her. I am one for if you fall, you can have a pity party for the day of, but the next day you need to get back up and dust yourself off and move on.

Sorry, that was longer than I intended but any sound advice would be appreciated....
 
So I'm looking for some sound advice from you goalkeeper parents on how to help support your goalkeeper mentally after a detrimental mistake in a game. We have only been in the goalkeeping world going on 18 months and are still learning. Unfortunately, this weekend, my gk (age 11) made a terrible read on the ball which she thought was going wide, which it did not, in a finals game in a tournament in double overtime.....so we lost.

She was clearly upset by it once we got in the car and feels that her team hates her. She doesn't want to go to practice this week in fear of them expressing their anger or ignoring her due to her mistake. I have told her that she is developing as a gk, and making mistakes is part of the learning process. I have reminded her of mistakes her team-mates make every game, but they have the advantage of another team-mate picking up their slack to lessen the burden of their mistake. None of what I tell her is helping. I even showed her a video of the Columbian goalkeeper doing the exact same thing against Argentina in a World Cup Qualifier, which almost cost them their trip the World Cup. I guess I just don't know how to get through to her on this one. Do I just let it go and move on, which I prefer, or do I try to keep talking about it? Missing practice is not an option I am giving her. I am one for if you fall, you can have a pity party for the day of, but the next day you need to get back up and dust yourself off and move on.

Sorry, that was longer than I intended but any sound advice would be appreciated....

Buy her a new pair of gloves and make a ceremony of burning the old ones. All the old mistakes go up the chimney.
 
Was the goal a tactical reading mistake, a skills based mistake, or an emotions based mistake (e.g. fear)?

You are hitting the right marks...showing her the other goalkeeper mistakes. My son takes comfort from all the highlight reels of worst goalkeeper mistakes and in particular admires De Gea who got himself up after a particularly disastrous year. The other question is what is her personality like...you need to tailor the response to the personality and it's important for parents to have a good read on that (one of the early mistakes I made with my ADHD son was responding like I would respond to myself, instead of understanding how he operated...the shrink helped me correct that). Also understand age 11 is rough. If she's only in her second year, tactical mistakes will still come very easily, particularly this year. Up until now her responsibility was just basically picking up the balls that were shot straight at her and some near dives. Now the kids are beginning to hit with power and the shooting is becoming more complex (headers, cut back crosses, wide angled shots, curved shots). The only way you learn that stuff is by making the mistake and trying not to repeat it. It's also tough because the girls get a little mean at that age so her fears are probably not entirely unjustified, but hopefully you are in a supportive environment with good parents and coaches (that's really the tough part of having a goalkeeper).

My son had an awful game a few weeks back due to fear. Was worried because his understudy played better and he panicked he was falling back into full ADHD mode again. His coach was really supportive. His trainer started off by doing light training to rebuild confidence and a lot of talking about what happened. He had built up his rep with the team so the others (coaches, players, parents) know what he's capable of. He had a great game this weekend until he was injured (count as a shutout?)
 
The answer depends on the kid, but I say move on and don’t mention it again. Goalkeepers need to have a short memory for mistakes. Just like NFL cornerbacks. It sucks that it happened at the end of the final, because she couldn’t immediately erase it with a good save or a good game. So she’s just got to get back into practice and game setting as quickly as possible. Mine has been there MANY times. That drive home is the worst. We always say it’s all about the next play.
 
The other parents have provided good advice as respects to how to handle your kid. I would only add the following advice (I did this with my kid):
  1. Tell them t0 dive for EVERY ball no matter how off target it is. You never know if it may curve or if you can get anywhere near it, but you can give 100% effort and rest assured that you and your teammates know you did all you could,
  2. Explain to your kid that the pressure of being a keeper is extreme it will either crush you into dust or make you a diamond; up to the kid to decide which outcome. I know this sounds harsh, but I don't know of any position in soccer that requires more mental toughness.
Good luck to you and your kid.
 
After my kid had a bad game, nothing I said really helps because she is now old enough to know it's my job to say something comforting but somewhat cliche.

This is not specifically GK related, but a a few years back a shy kid on my DD's team (I think they were 9 at the time) was having a hard time and not enjoying the experience. Her mom reached out to my wife and asked if my motor-mouthed DD :) wouldn't mind being a designated buddy for her kid. I thought that was quite ingenious and courageous for the mom to reach out, and it worked out well for both kids.

Perhaps some of her teammates can reach out to her and pick her spirit up so she knows "they don't hate her". Most of them probably got over the loss by the time they got home, and not even aware that their teammate needs a pat on the back.

To put in some perspective, her mistake happened in front of friends and families. This mistake happened on Saturday to the Champions League winner in front of 40,000 people and a worldwide audience :).


Best of luck.
 
The first thing I tell my G03 GK in the car after a blown game that’s partially (or worse..ALL her fault) is that she played like crap and doesn’t deserve the normal ice cream reward after!! :eek:

Kidding!!!

ALWAYS reward your GK after the game..win or lose. :)
 
All kidding aside..explain to her that it's a mistake and not the end of the world. Let her know that realistically she's going to have games like this in the future. EVERY GK does. But also emphasize that making a mistake like that is part of the learning process...and she has to learn from it by making sure she doesn't make the same mistake again..not because it'll cost her the game..but because it means she's not learning/growing as a GK.
We can regurgitate all the cliche sayings about playing back there..but the fact is it really is true. It is the hardest position on the pitch. It does require the utmost mental/physical toughness. If it was easy everybody would play back there. Etc Etc
As far as her team goes..tell her to not even bring it up. Hopefully the won't. Tell her to get right back to being a leader out there. Because that's what a GK does. Leads. If anybody jams her up then they aren't a very good teammate. Remind her of that fact. And let her know it's perfectly fine to throw it back at them for their lack of scoring...that's what got you into double OT in the first place. Not scoring. Just don't be the one starting it. ;)
Regardless of the outcome in each and every game..but especially in the bad games..the drive home should include (preferably sooner than later)
"I love watching you play back there!!"
Because in reality you should. I know I do. And after those bad games it'll help put her mind at ease. My GK continues to grow as a player/person and I love watching it. This ride will be over before you know it. Enjoy it. All of it.
 
It was pretty early on that I realized how the Keeper position relates to life. I have repeated over and over again to my daughter that if she focuses on the one that got past her then she will miss what is in front of her and an opportunity for success. Over the years we have discussed misses from a technical or tactical point of view so the misses became more about what does she need to do differently or work on and what to learn from the miss for the future. Same thing in life. Of course it took repeating over and over again that she is learning and how is she supposed to develop without making mistakes. I watch soccer on TV so I call my daughter in when I see a Keeper make a mistake that my daughter would know was a mistake based on her training. I did this quite a bit during the World Cup to show her that the best makes mistake too.
 
What could she have done differently? That is our discussion after a disappointment like that. I don't tell her what she could've done, I let HER think about it and tell me (it's important to me that she learns to analyze and think about her own mistakes, instead of having me point them out and tell her what to do differently). If I have it on video, I let her watch it and see her actions from a different perspective. Otherwise, sometimes she'll ask her Coach what she could've done differently.

...and sometimes, the answer is...NOTHING...it was just a crazy GREAT shot. But if there IS something that you can tweak/work on...every goal let in is an opportunity to refine and improve your game. My daughter is pretty mentally tough at 11...and I think that's one of her strongest assets as a Keeper. But it's partly because we constantly reinforce that EVERYONE makes mistakes (not just on the soccer field...in life). Mistakes are only bad if you don't learn from them.

Also, those feelings she's feeling...they're valid. We all get why she feels that way and we would probably feel similarly too. I try not to make my daughter ever feel like it's "not okay" to feel them. We all want them to "shake it off" and move on, but it's not always going to be that easy, and that's okay too. But feel those feelings, let them sink in and burn (because they do), cry if you want even....and then remember....remember how awful it felt...and the next time you're on that field, pull back that memory, get pissed off...and work your tail off to not have to feel that way again.

I have these kinds of discussions after the game....and then let it go. I don't continue to have them days after. She'll either get there on her own, or she won't. Best of luck to your Keeper!
 
...and sometimes, the answer is...NOTHING...it was just a crazy GREAT shot. But if there IS something that you can tweak/work on...every goal let in is an opportunity to refine and improve your game.

You hit on a really great point which it's also important for keepers to understand the difference between mistakes v. limitations v a crazy good shot they can't do anything about. Mistakes you can fix next time. Limitations take a lot of long term work and aren't going to be fixed right away. A crazy good shot...the universe for that reduces as they get older...when they are 8 a keeper can't be blamed for anything except collecting lose balls and shots directly to them, but when they are De Gea that universe gets much narrower...still, even De Gea gets them and you can't do anything about them. The problem is the expectation is from most of the parents and a lot of uneducated coaches that they really should be able to stop anything or it's a mistake. The places too much undo pressure on keepers, which others have pointed out take a long time to develop.

See article below.

https://www.soccerparenting.com/mistakes-vs-limitations-youth-goalkeeper/
 
You hit on a really great point which it's also important for keepers to understand the difference between mistakes v. limitations v a crazy good shot they can't do anything about. Mistakes you can fix next time. Limitations take a lot of long term work and aren't going to be fixed right away. A crazy good shot...the universe for that reduces as they get older...when they are 8 a keeper can't be blamed for anything except collecting lose balls and shots directly to them, but when they are De Gea that universe gets much narrower...still, even De Gea gets them and you can't do anything about them. The problem is the expectation is from most of the parents and a lot of uneducated coaches that they really should be able to stop anything or it's a mistake. The places too much undo pressure on keepers, which others have pointed out take a long time to develop.

See article below.

https://www.soccerparenting.com/mistakes-vs-limitations-youth-goalkeeper/

What a great article! Thanks for sharing and for your sound advice.
 
I can only speak to the father-daughter GK dynamic. Don't over-complicate dealing with their on-field mistakes. Despite what we might like to think, our GK advice will have no direct correlation to a potential D1 scholarship or USWNT roster spot. Our unconditional love and encouragement? -These will absolutely have a direct correlation. My DD is now a U15, and when I learned to shut my mouth and open my arms an entirely new GK was born.
 
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