Allowing your DD to be coached by a simply bad person...

chargerfan said:
I know two bully coaches in the 04 age group but would not name them on the forum for fear that there would be repurcussions. Especially when at least one is a lurker on here. But maybe we should be having those conversations?
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Without consequences, they will just continue their successful(?) ways.
 
Striker17 said:
And honestly would anyone here speak up?

http://www.soccerparenting.com/7-reasons-we-regretfully-allow-bullying-by-coaches/
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In a U-8 game a few years ago our coach screamed at a kid after a mistake "Do you even know how to play soccer?" (The kid had actually been our best player but the coach had destroyed his confidence). I immediately said something to the effect of "____ that's not OK, you can't talk to a kid that way". He just played dumb (which wasn't a stretch) like he hadn't said anything bad. Unfortunately, he had a history of demeaning comments. I reported it to the DOC of the youngers as did another individual but all that happened was the coach got babysat by another coach for a few practices. Others on the team were afraid to speak out because of the ramifications not only for their kid on the team but for their other kids in the club. Some chastised me for speaking out because it wasn't my kid who was yelled at. The coach was a disaster in other ways but is still at the club coaching today. We left the club after the season finished, but should have left earlier.
 
In one of my Surf Cup games we had the head coach arrive late to the game. His team was dominating the game, 2-0 15 minutes into the game, until he arrived and immediately began to yell at his players. All of the comments were negative. At one point, one of his players told him to F-off. The ball went out of play and I (AR) had a short conversation with the coach while the CR talked to the player. I reminded the coach that the tournament rules stated the coach with coach using a positive tone and words. That settled down the coach until halftime. He started the same derogatory comments in the second half and the CR talked to him this time. The CR and I briefly talked before the CR told him to change his tone and comments to the players or he could leave. He left and the assistant coach took over. The score was 4-2 at this point in favor of the other team, but the team rallied to tie the game. These toxic derogatory coaches have no place in youth sports. We all know the Blues coach that is toxic, but parents still have their kids play for him because his teams win. I have refereed many of his games and it is evident the players fear him. If he yelled at my kid the way he yells at his players I would pull her off the team and let her go play for one of the other outstanding coaches we have here in SoCal.
 
Surfref said:
In one of my Surf Cup games we had the head coach arrive late to the game. His team was dominating the game, 2-0 15 minutes into the game, until he arrived and immediately began to yell at his players. All of the comments were negative. At one point, one of his players told him to F-off. The ball went out of play and I (AR) had a short conversation with the coach while the CR talked to the player. I reminded the coach that the tournament rules stated the coach with coach using a positive tone and words. That settled down the coach until halftime. He started the same derogatory comments in the second half and the CR talked to him this time. The CR and I briefly talked before the CR told him to change his tone and comments to the players or he could leave. He left and the assistant coach took over. The score was 4-2 at this point in favor of the other team, but the team rallied to tie the game. These toxic derogatory coaches have no place in youth sports. We all know the Blues coach that is toxic, but parents still have their kids play for him because his teams win. I have refereed many of his games and it is evident the players fear him. If he yelled at my kid the way he yells at his players I would pull her off the team and let her go play for one of the other outstanding coaches we have here in SoCal.
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Well done, I wish more refs would do that (or parents, other coaches...anyone). And good on the kid for standing up to his coach.
 
I'd post a list of coaches who suck no problem. Problem isn't really fear from the lurking psycho coaches or repercussions, it's just the forum s... storm from the parents that would come on and say your just complaining about a coach because you are bitter because your DD sucks, or blah blah blah. So who wants to embark down that road today. Not me. In reality each of us at one time has had or will have coaches who are just bad people. For me I expect coaches to be less than ideal. Really the issue is parents rationaing poor coach behavior because it's fits the current narrative.
 
Just about every coach has said or done something they regret. Good people make mistakes and the heat of competition. That said, there is a class of coaches that are just bad and adopt coaching styles that are wholly inappropriate for various age/gender groups. A coach can get away with more negative comments to a U19, which doesn't take it personal, unlike a U9, which takes it very personal. There is a difference between boys and girls, jokingly poke fun of the complexion or ears or some physical feature of a 16 year old boy (generally no problem) ... a 16 year old girl and you have her and 10 of her teammates fuming. Cultural difference exist as well. I've heard Hispanic coaches say things (in Spanish) that would be unacceptable to some team from Irvine. In short, stand up for what is right ... always. If a coach can't do what is right, move your kid.
 
Good coach but bad person.
Or good person but bad coach.
If you had to choose for your kid, which team would you put them on?

(And by "bad coach" I don't mean that he is totally clueless. He just isn't in the same class as the "bad person").
 
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