# Parent communication with College Coaches once your kid is on the roster



## Dubs (Aug 21, 2019)

For those of you with DDs already playing college ball.. Do you as parents continue to have any dialogue/relationship with the coaches once the recruiting process is over and they are actually playing on the team?


----------



## mirage (Aug 21, 2019)

Don't have dd playing but have a son playing for college.

No, other than to write an annual fundraiser check and occasional pleasantries after the game if the coach happens to come by the stands.  What would you possibly have to communicate with the coaches about at this point, unless there's a safety issue.

Just keep in mind that after the "kid" turns 18, he/she is an adult with adult rights to privacy, legally.  No information will be disclosed to you without the consent and even with, most institutions do not, unless involves financial or safety matter.

I know we have millennials' parents out there that stay very involved with their adult kids.  I recall years ago, one of the employees that worked for one of my managers, after receiving a less than a stellar performance review, the parent actually called me to discuss the issue.  Needless to say, I did not.

Also, I guess lecture at one of the local university and had a parent visit me in the classroom to discuss his kid's grades.  Again, I did not discuss it with him.  Told him to go talk to his kid and if he has an issue, for him to come see me.  The student never came to see me about it.

I mean, wow, let it go.....


----------



## Calisoccer11 (Aug 21, 2019)

mirage said:


> Just keep in mind that after the "kid" turns 18, he/she is an adult with adult rights to privacy, legally. No information will be disclosed to you without the consent and even with, most institutions do not, unless involves financial or safety matter.


I digress a little here but this really hit home from me recently when taking my kid to the doctor (per his request) and the doctor kept talking directly to him and basically ignoring me and at first I was like, "Hellllloooooo! ".  But then it hit me....He is over 18.  He is an adult.  And it doesn't matter if I'm the one paying the bills.  It's hard to let go but let go we must!!


----------



## espola (Aug 21, 2019)

Dubs said:


> For those of you with DDs already playing college ball.. Do you as parents continue to have any dialogue/relationship with the coaches once the recruiting process is over and they are actually playing on the team?


My son played in college, and yes we continued email and direct conversations all the way through.  Sometimes he got my first name wrong, but I only used my initials in my email address.


----------



## espola (Aug 21, 2019)

mirage said:


> Don't have dd playing but have a son playing for college.
> 
> No, other than to write an annual fundraiser check and occasional pleasantries after the game if the coach happens to come by the stands.  What would you possibly have to communicate with the coaches about at this point, unless there's a safety issue.
> 
> ...


I took my son to the emergency room because he fell and cut his head in the middle of the night.  The doctor was talking to him, but I was interfering by giving advice to him over her shoulder.  The nice part was that when the bill arrived addressed to him at our address (and thus his old address), I just forwarded it to him so he could pay it himself.


----------



## Calisoccer11 (Aug 21, 2019)

espola said:


> I took my son to the emergency room because he fell and cut his head in the middle of the night.  The doctor was talking to him, but I was interfering by giving advice to him over her shoulder.  The nice part was that when the bill arrived addressed to him at our address (and thus his old address), I just forwarded it to him so he could pay it himself.


You know you are off the payroll when you have to start paying your own medical bills!!


----------



## Soccer43 (Aug 21, 2019)

Dubs said:


> For those of you with DDs already playing college ball.. Do you as parents continue to have any dialogue/relationship with the coaches once the recruiting process is over and they are actually playing on the team?


Little to no communication with college coach- completely inappropriate - what would you talk to the coach about?  Play time, positions, training schedule?  talk to your adult child about his or her experience, support your player and  cheer for the team,  - just enjoy being a fan, the rest is up to your adult child to handle their own college experiences and work out whatever needs to be addressed.  My player would be mortified if I communicated with the coach


----------



## noso (Aug 21, 2019)

What are anyone's thought in regards to following their player's college coach on social media?  Not actually a parent commenting on Facebook or Twitter but liking a Coach's post from time to time...


----------



## espola (Aug 21, 2019)

Soccer43 said:


> Little to no communication with college coach- completely inappropriate - what would you talk to the coach about?  Play time, positions, training schedule?  talk to your adult child about his or her experience, support your player and  cheer for the team,  - just enjoy being a fan, the rest is up to your adult child to handle their own college experiences and work out whatever needs to be addressed.  My player would be mortified if I communicated with the coach


Mostly we talked about the upcoming prospects in the club and high school with which I was volunteering.  As for scholarship money, playing time, positions, etc - the coach told my son, and then my son told me.  We also went to a few fundraiser events, things like a picnic lunch for a small fee and a chance to meet the players, coaches, and other parents.  

My most valuable lesson learned from all that - just when you think you have it figured out - it's over.


----------



## gkrent (Aug 21, 2019)

noso said:


> What are anyone's thought in regards to following their player's college coach on social media?  Not actually a parent commenting on Facebook or Twitter but liking a Coach's post from time to time...


I do this all the time, as do many other current and former parents and players


----------



## surfrider (Aug 21, 2019)

I had a good relationship with my dds coach but rarely used it to manipulate a situation. There were a few parents that took it to another level. The long and short of it is the coaches job description I’d to deal with parentsq. I didn’t get into that but others did


----------



## SpeedK1llz (Aug 22, 2019)

My wife and I have a great relationship with our player’s entire coaching staff. We rarely seek them out for anything but when we do see them after the games or during team/family social functions, if our paths cross, they are always great at telling us how our player is doing from their perspective or something nice she did on/off the field. Sometimes we’ll talk soccer in general, commiserate about just missing the tournament or just about things we’re up to as a family. I think a lot of other parents do the same.

Frankly, I am surprised at how long they stay after games to talk to past, present and future players/families. Because of this, we tend to give them space so they don’t feel obligated to talk to EVERYBODY. GREAT welcoming, caring family atmosphere on our team but my guess is this is unique. Just one of many factors that validated our player’s choice of college to play for.


----------



## outside! (Aug 22, 2019)

I talk to the coaching staff frequently about important topics like:

Where is the best Mexican restaurant nearby?
Beer
Music
Kids

The soccer stuff is between the coaches and our player.


----------



## Dubs (Aug 22, 2019)

So I asked this question not because I want to talk to the coaching staff when the time comes... I just wanted to get a sense of IF it happens at all.  Sounds like it does and doesn't.  Speed's response is encouraging, just because (even though they're an "adult") it would be nice to get their perspective on how your DD is getting along in the program since they're spending just about every waking moment with them.


----------



## gkrent (Aug 22, 2019)

Dubs said:


> So I asked this question not because I want to talk to the coaching staff when the time comes... I just wanted to get a sense of IF it happens at all.  Sounds like it does and doesn't.  Speed's response is encouraging, just because (even though they're an "adult") it would be nice to get their perspective on how your DD is getting along in the program since they're spending just about every waking moment with them.


I think Pepperdine is an outlier;  most coaching staff aren't as friendly with the 'rents.


----------



## Coyotef (Sep 2, 2019)

My daughter committed to playing next fall at the University of Texas at Dallas and we are just ended up a great weekend of watching her future team play soccer - 2 wins!  She attended the pregame warm-up meetings, watched practice and sat in a 2-hour review session of their performance on the first game and their plans for the next game. Over the weekend we got a chance to meet up with  6 other 2020 girls and their families. The coach had suggested that we make the effort to come out to watch some fall games and gave us and our friend free tickets.  He spent a lot of time with the  2020 girls (and one 2021 commit) and after the last game we said hi and thanked him for the warm welcome. He made sure we were introduced to the entire staff and he was very welcoming. I think all club parents by this time should know what is and what is not appropriate to talk to their daughter's coaches.

 I imagine that each coach is unique and we are basically trusting this coach to help our daughter grow into an outstanding young woman. Her team has many players from out of state and I already know that we will continue to have an ongoing relationship and communication as he told us so.


----------



## Surfref (Sep 2, 2019)

Dubs said:


> For those of you with DDs already playing college ball.. Do you as parents continue to have any dialogue/relationship with the coaches once the recruiting process is over and they are actually playing on the team?


Hell no.  Your kid is an adult and should be talking to their coach.  Let your kid grow up.  Parents are the biggest detractors to coaches at all ages.  Parents should drop their kids off at practice and games and cheer during games.  Don’t be that parent that complains or gives advice to the coach at U8 to college.


----------



## Dubs (Sep 3, 2019)

Surfref said:


> Hell no.  Your kid is an adult and should be talking to their coach.  Let your kid grow up.  Parents are the biggest detractors to coaches at all ages.  Parents should drop their kids off at practice and games and cheer during games.  Don’t be that parent that complains or gives advice to the coach at U8 to college.


Don't misunderstand my post... I am truly curious if it happens... Not because I want to be that parent (my DD wouldn't allow it), but wondering what folks experience has been with the college coaching staff.


----------



## MakeAPlay (Sep 3, 2019)

gkrent said:


> I think Pepperdine is an outlier;  most coaching staff aren't as friendly with the 'rents.


My kid's staff is good with the parents.  The coaches are pretty forthcoming when you request info.  I would never get involved in anything other than times to show up.  If you have done your job up to this point it isn't even necessary to talk about the soccer other than to say WIN multiple times and GOOD LUCK.  If you drop your kid off at the Hunger Games, you better be sure that she can do her thing.

Hoping for a speedy recovery for your player and good luck to you and your family.


----------



## Dubs (Sep 3, 2019)

MakeAPlay said:


> My kid's staff is good with the parents.  The coaches are pretty forthcoming when you request info.  I would never get involved in anything other than times to show up.  If you have done your job up to this point it isn't even necessary to talk about the soccer other than to say WIN multiple times and GOOD LUCK.  If you drop your kid off at the Hunger Games, you better be sure that she can do her thing.
> 
> Hoping for a speedy recovery for your player and good luck to you and your family.


Thanks MAP.  My kid is progressing extremely well with her rehab.  I have zero doubts she will be doing her thing once the hunger games begin.  She will be ready.  Like I said, I don't have any need to speak with her coaches beyond pleasantries.  My kid does all the talking on/off the field as always.


----------



## SD_Soccer (Sep 3, 2019)

Dubs said:


> Don't misunderstand my post... I am truly curious if it happens... Not because I want to be that parent (my DD wouldn't allow it), but wondering what folks experience has been with the college coaching staff.


My kid is a freshman, and other than sending congratulations emails on a big win and a milestone victory for him last year, our family dropping by his office to say hello when we dropped her off at school, etc., all communication is with her and her coach.  But to be fair, this is not any different than how she operated for the past couple of years of club soccer, and how she handled the recruiting process with all coaches.  

I suspect the parents who are still involved when the kid gets to college are not liked by the coaches, and are more likely to have a young adult that will struggle in the working world when mommy and/or daddy is not there to help.  I do suspect that there are parents who are still involved, but I seriously doubt it helps their players' outcomes on the team (and it likely works against their outcomes).


----------



## Multi Sport (Sep 3, 2019)

Spoke with my DDs coach when he was recruiting her. Sent him a text saying good luck and thanks after they fired him her sophmore year. Spoke to the new coach for the first time my DDs senior year when I went up to watch the team play half way through the season. Spoke to the coach again at Senior night.


----------



## Dubs (Sep 4, 2019)

Multi Sport said:


> Spoke with my DDs coach when he was recruiting her. Sent him a text saying good luck and thanks after they fired him her sophmore year. Spoke to the new coach for the first time my DDs senior year when I went up to watch the team play half way through the season. Spoke to the coach again at Senior night.


How did your DD handle the transition of coaches?  I know sometimes these things go south..


----------



## Multi Sport (Sep 4, 2019)

Dubs said:


> How did your DD handle the transition of coaches?  I know sometimes these things go south..


The coach that took over was an assistant coach so there was already a relationship established. Made it easy on the girls and the the coach.


----------

