# Post game talk and encouragement........or not??? U8-U11



## The Ripper (Sep 11, 2016)

opinions......coaches should or should nots..............lets hear it

A parent told me that yesterday their coach walked away after and bad game and told his kids he had nothing to say about the way they played and see ya at practice....kids were waiting to hear some encouragement and some wise advice or analysis so they could understand, but instead left with no role models encouraging soccer talk so they really couldnt walk away with anything?????


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## mommato2girls (Sep 11, 2016)

How old? My u little, nope not okay. Coach needs to build confidence and discuss things on the field. A general I liked x,y,z but we can improve on blah, blah, blah. Especially in the beginning of a season. U12 and older the kids generally now when they played a sh*t game. If the coach doesn't have anything nice to say, well then it's probably best he walk away. But honestly a good coach can curb their emotions and at least hold a conversation, offer constructive criticism at the least. Is it really that serious to get all worked up about? It's kids playing soccer!


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## espola (Sep 11, 2016)

The Ripper said:


> opinions......coaches should or should nots..............lets hear it
> 
> A parent told me that yesterday their coach walked away after and bad game and told his kids he had nothing to say about the way they played and see ya at practice....kids were waiting to hear some encouragement and some wise advice or analysis so they could understand, but instead left with no role models encouraging soccer talk so they really couldnt walk away with anything?????


Maybe he can teach them all the "You suck" cheer, but with their own team name as the target.


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## The Ripper (Sep 12, 2016)

mommato2girls said:


> How old? My u little, nope not okay. Coach needs to build confidence and discuss things on the field. A general I liked x,y,z but we can improve on blah, blah, blah. Especially in the beginning of a season. U12 and older the kids generally now when they played a sh*t game. If the coach doesn't have anything nice to say, well then it's probably best he walk away. But honestly a good coach can curb their emotions and at least hold a conversation, offer constructive criticism at the least. Is it really that serious to get all worked up about? It's kids playing soccer!


Yes I totally agree I think these kids were u 10 or 11 but none the less some kind of constructive criticism and some encouragement to take back home for something to think about would be the best option that's what good coaches do he must just have an ego or a big head and was hurt because he actually failed not the kids...... I told my friend to think about a new Option next year because that's not called coaching


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## mirage (Sep 12, 2016)

mommato2girls said:


> How old? My u little, nope not okay. ............If the coach doesn't have anything nice to say, well then it's probably best he walk away. But honestly a good coach can curb their emotions and at least hold a conversation, offer constructive criticism at the least. Is it really that serious to get all worked up about? It's kids playing soccer!


Why so quick to condemn?  Many coaches, who's been doing this for long time, know that kids have a good days and bad days.  It may simply be the case where the team had a bad day and that's all there is to it.

No need to dwell and embellish good or bad.  Its just a game.

Last, many coaches don't talk just after the game and allows time to let the event sink in - for constructive adjustments to the team's performance.  Often its addressed using concrete examples in the following practice.

Keep in mind that emotions are not the best when losing badly - both the coach and the players.  Luckily kids forget easily about bad games and by the time practice rolls around, they can deal with it with no emotions.


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## Surfref (Sep 12, 2016)

This past Saturday I heard a GU13 coach after losing 8-2 tell his players, "Not our best game but we will get a win tomorrow.  Isn't there some type of team swim party that you are going too?  Have fun and be at the field at ...... tomorrow."  The girls left happy and when I looked them up they won on Sunday.  That coach knew that rehashing the game after the loss was not going to do any good.  I wish more coaches would calm down and think before they rip into their players after a loss.


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## timbuck (Sep 12, 2016)

There are some coaches out there that are amazing at soccer and coaching soccer.  There are some that are amazing with kids.  There are a handful that are great at both.

And there are some parents out there that want that old school style of coach for their kid.


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## mommato2girls (Sep 12, 2016)

I didn't think I was condemning anyone? But here's an example. Our girls played a not so great game Sat. Lots of missed connections, bad positioning etc. There was a run my kid did where she  didn't get around the ball well bc she was rushing to get rid of the ball. Today at practice coach was talking to her. I ask her after, what did coach say? She looks at me deer in headlights, something about one of my runs on goal on Sat. I see, so what do you think? She says, mom I played another game on Sunday and I had more than a dozen runs, I don't even know which one he's talking about! So for my kid, grabbing her at half time, when she's on the bench, after the game is the best approach. She doesn't take it personal and it's just coach being coach...


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## The Ripper (Sep 13, 2016)

i agree that kids forget about the game hours after, especially at 9.........emotions are running after a tough loss, but my point is that weather the game be good or bad....its only a league game, its only just a soccer game .....its not about winning.....kids are waiting for some kind of reinforcement to what had just went on.......its a teaching tool and moment to let the kids know what they did or didnt do constructivly.......what they will look forward to working on to improve in the following trainings.....at the end of the day my friends kid answered when they were asked...........so what did coach have to say after the game? The kid replied..........he was just mad at us and said he had nothing to say ...is that what you want your 9year old that your paying $$$$ to walk away with?????


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## dfbmike (Sep 13, 2016)

Not saying I agree or disagree or that it was the reason in this instance, but u little coaches are encouraged to NOT discuss the game or hold speeches with the players/team immediately after the game, or at all.  Focus on the long term instead, coach should know what to work on in the next practice.


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## Eagle33 (Sep 13, 2016)

The Ripper said:


> i agree that kids forget about the game hours after, especially at 9.........emotions are running after a tough loss, but my point is that weather the game be good or bad....its only a league game, its only just a soccer game .....its not about winning.....kids are waiting for some kind of reinforcement to what had just went on.......its a teaching tool and moment to let the kids know what they did or didnt do constructivly.......what they will look forward to working on to improve in the following trainings.....at the end of the day my friends kid answered when they were asked...........so what did coach have to say after the game? The kid replied..........he was just mad at us and said he had nothing to say ...is that what you want your 9year old that your paying $$$$ to walk away with?????


You obviously new at this. Ask yourself a question - is your child wants to hear encouragement or constructive criticism from your coach or YOU do?
Sounds to me it's the latter. I've seen coaches riding kids for 30 min or more after a loss, and think it's a complete waste of time. Do you think telling them they lost and what they did wrong will make it better? They already know they lost and what they did wrong. It's a lot better to talk about it later, maybe at next training or before next game, when emotions are settled. Do yourself a favor and stop asking your child what coach said or not said after a game, and just enjoy the experience.


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## espola (Sep 13, 2016)

dfbmike said:


> Not saying I agree or disagree or that it was the reason in this instance, but u little coaches are encouraged to NOT discuss the game or hold speeches with the players/team immediately after the game, or at all.  Focus on the long term instead, coach should know what to work on in the next practice.


Who encourages them to do that?  My philosophy is that the coach should discuss the game immediately after, with questions like what did we do wrong?  What should we have done otherwise?  What should we work on in practice this week?   (With adult/coach guidance in the discussion, or course)


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## timbuck (Sep 13, 2016)

My team played like junk on Saturday. 
Game ended. We talked for a few minutes. 
Some highlights from the post game speech:
- that's not how we usually play. 
- we passed really well and built up well. We just couldn't score. I liked some of it. 
- the good news is that we get back to practice on Tuesday.
- we'll be very serious at practice this week. Be ready to get after it.
- the better news- it's early in the season and we'll get better every week.
- have a good weekend. Who's going out for lunch?

I've heard some coaches threaten "we're going to run until you puke because we played so bad."  Not sure about their teams, but fitness wasn't our issue. We need to practice soccer not cross country / track and field.


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## jrcaesar (Sep 13, 2016)

The Ripper said:


> A parent told me that yesterday their coach walked away after and bad game and told his kids he had nothing to say about the way they played and see ya at practice....kids were waiting to hear some encouragement and some wise advice or analysis so they could understand, but instead left with no role models encouraging soccer talk so they really couldnt walk away with anything?????


First weekend of the season. Did the coach have another game with one of this other teams at a field 30 minutes away? Gotta put things in context.


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## younothat (Sep 13, 2016)

Coach Yes, if not he should let me know why. 

Parent only if the player asks to discuss, normally don't so it on to the ice cream, smoothie, fruit bowls.

Life is too short to stress about ulittle soccer, #1 priority at this young age should be having fun and learning.


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## dfbmike (Sep 13, 2016)

Espola....coaching education


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## espola (Sep 13, 2016)

dfbmike said:


> Espola....coaching education


Must be in the really advanced coaching education classes.


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## timbuck (Sep 13, 2016)

espola said:


> Must be in the really advanced coaching education classes.


HA! In the Cal-South / USSF classes I've taken, there is very little discussion on anything besides "this is how we conduct a session - Technical warm up, small sided game, conditioned game, free play".
Nothing about how a 12 year old might be a bit different than a 9 year old.
You'd think it would be common sense, but when you have players fresh out of the college playing days taking a course so they can have some spare change, they really aren't taught how to work with kids (or their parents).


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## espola (Sep 13, 2016)

timbuck said:


> HA! In the Cal-South / USSF classes I've taken, there is very little discussion on anything besides "this is how we conduct a session - Technical warm up, small sided game, conditioned game, free play".
> Nothing about how a 12 year old might be a bit different than a 9 year old.
> You'd think it would be common sense, but when you have players fresh out of the college playing days taking a course so they can have some spare change, they really aren't taught how to work with kids (or their parents).


The first coaching class I ever suffered through, level F in 1999, taught by Manny Neves in Coronado, he started with "No scores, no standings, no gatorade, no orange slices".  I saw him again a couple of years ago when his team was warming up to use a field in Temecula right after a game involving the team my son was coaching.  I told him everybody ignored his advice.  He laughed.


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## mommato2girls (Sep 13, 2016)

Eagle33 said:


> You obviously new at this. Ask yourself a question - is your child wants to hear encouragement or constructive criticism from your coach or YOU do?
> Sounds to me it's the latter. I've seen coaches riding kids for 30 min or more after a loss, and think it's a complete waste of time. Do you think telling them they lost and what they did wrong will make it better? They already know they lost and what they did wrong. It's a lot better to talk about it later, maybe at next training or before next game, when emotions are settled. Do yourself a favor and stop asking your child what coach said or not said after a game, and just enjoy the experience.


I am relatively new to this, no doubt. I always ask what coach said, what they worked on, how practice went if I didn't stay. I like to know what's going on and we practice certain things at home. I also like to hear it from my kid, the way she sees it. It tells me a lot if she is upset at the words or if she's good with it. And believe it or not she does want to hear how she can improve and will ask if not offered. I don't think at her age she knows what she should have done or not. We all have different expectations and different kids. I don't think there is a one size fits all answer here.


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