# Trying out - How long?



## Troyrocks (Nov 30, 2017)

My DD (2006) is in the process of finding a new club.  She's been practicing with a prospective (hopefully new home) club for just over a month.  Coach initially liked what he saw and said to keep bringing her.  However since then there's been no real mention of his intentions regarding rostering her.  My question: how long do I just keep coming to practice before checking in to see what his intentions are for her?  I don't want to seem pushy as I've really enjoyed the trainings and hope she can stick with this team.


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## Shottas (Nov 30, 2017)

It’s early. The new season doesn’t start until August. He probably doesn’t want to commit to early. Keep your options open.....


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## SoccerFan4Life (Nov 30, 2017)

This happened to my child.  If your DD is better than most girls than you have nothing to worry.  If she is on the bottom end than your child will be good  enough until someone else better arrives to the tryouts.   

I had to go through 5 months until my not so good child made a great team.     

Good luck and look at other options or have an honest conversation with the coach.


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## mirage (Nov 30, 2017)

Troyrocks said:


> My DD (2006) is in the process of finding a new club.  She's been practicing with a prospective (hopefully new home) club for just over a month.  Coach initially liked what he saw and said to keep bringing her.  However since then there's been no real mention of his intentions regarding rostering her.  My question: how long do I just keep coming to practice before checking in to see what his intentions are for her?  I don't want to seem pushy as I've really enjoyed the trainings and hope she can stick with this team.


Tough question to respond to - each coach has a different logic and style for new players.

Of course the most straight forward thing to do is to chat with the coach.  Just be direct about if the kid will make the team or not.  Advise you don't get into talking about things like playing time and positions.

short of that, I would look for two key indicators.
1) if there is a scrimmage, is your kid invited to participate and if so, how long and where does she play.  This would give you an insight into how the coach thinks by action rather than by words.  Clearly he will try the kid out in different positions and situations to see but there's a lot that you can tell by simple handling of the situation of the coach for your kid.  And if she is not invited and there's no real reason for not being invited, then you'll have your answer.

2) If there is an official tryout date, that would be a key event.  If he signs other kids but not yours, then, again, you'll have your answer.  I'm a firm believer of putting the kid into a successful environment for that particular child.  So find a team where she is in the top half of the team and plays a lot, and is wanted.  Don't get caught up on what tier the team is at this age.

Good luck....


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## Troyrocks (Nov 30, 2017)

SoccerFan4Life said:


> This happened to my child.  If your DD is better than most girls than you have nothing to worry.  If she is on the bottom end than your child will be good  enough until someone else better arrives to the tryouts.
> 
> I had to go through 5 months until my not so good child made a great team.
> 
> Good luck and look at other options or have an honest conversation with the coach.


She would be on the bottom end, as this team is a step up for her - though improvement is definitely showing already.  Only team at the age level for this club and the club checks all the other boxes for convenience, training and it being a challenge.  Other local teams at her age don't seem to be a great fit. 

Will probably keep trying to gauge the temperature of things for a bit and then have a conversation with the coach about where we stand.


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## Troyrocks (Nov 30, 2017)

mirage said:


> Tough question to respond to - each coach has a different logic and style for new players.
> 
> Of course the most straight forward thing to do is to chat with the coach.  Just be direct about if the kid will make the team or not.  Advise you don't get into talking about things like playing time and positions.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the suggestions.  Will definitely keep them in mind.


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## Mystery Train (Nov 30, 2017)

Every bad coach my kid played with had trouble with these conversations and made me feel uncomfortable asking for information on where my child stood with team.  Every good coach she had made the whole thing very easy and transparent from the get go.  I'm not a pushy parent, I just want to manage my kid's and my own expectations.  The good ones can have these conversations anytime and will gladly let you know what to expect and where your kid seems to fit.  If you've got questions, let the coach know in advance before the next practice that you want 10-15 minutes of their time to get feedback on the process and your child.  If, after that conversation, you feel a little weird, or that the coach was at all defensive, vague, or unclear, be forewarned that this may not end well.  If the coach is clear, you will leave with no doubts about his/her intentions and what your child would have to do to earn a roster spot.  It's always possible to get beat out by a better player who shows up at the last moment, but the good coaches will let you know when and how those decisions are made.  The bad ones never like to commit, because they have no certainty in themselves on how to build a team and are always hoping to recruit an already made player or raw stud athlete that will bring them instant wins without having to develop them or coach up the team.


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## transplant (Nov 30, 2017)

Mystery Train said:


> Every bad coach my kid played with had trouble with these conversations and made me feel uncomfortable asking for information on where my child stood with team.  Every good coach she had made the whole thing very easy and transparent from the get go.  I'm not a pushy parent, I just want to manage my kid's and my own expectations.  The good ones can have these conversations anytime and will gladly let you know what to expect and where your kid seems to fit.  If you've got questions, let the coach know in advance before the next practice that you want 10-15 minutes of their time to get feedback on the process and your child.  If, after that conversation, you feel a little weird, or that the coach was at all defensive, vague, or unclear, be forewarned that this may not end well.  If the coach is clear, you will leave with no doubts about his/her intentions and what your child would have to do to earn a roster spot.  It's always possible to get beat out by a better player who shows up at the last moment, but the good coaches will let you know when and how those decisions are made.  The bad ones never like to commit, because they have no certainty in themselves on how to build a team and are always hoping to recruit an already made player or raw stud athlete that will bring them instant wins without having to develop them or coach up the team.


This is some of the best advice regarding coach interaction I have every seen for parents who 1) Are not Uber pushy and 2) Do not have a top 1-3 player on the team (that is most of you by the way). 

The comment  _"Every bad coach my kid played with had trouble with these conversations...." _rings true for us.  I wish I had this piece of wisdom and we could have avoided some wasted seasons....


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## 46n2 (Nov 30, 2017)

wait till a few weeks after tryouts before you get to worried, but always have a back up plan.  Coaches are human too, have a conversation with him/her.  Obviously not at practice or during practice , but a simple text or email can work too if you dont like in person situations.  Theres alot of kids moving around constantly this time of year, have her just focus on pushing herself the whole time during practice/scrimmages etc...........HAVE FUN!
FYI, if she is bottom end of the team , she has to work harder especially on a new team , the bonus though is that playing with faster and better kids will rub off ON HER  if shes committed.  Good Luck!!


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## MWN (Nov 30, 2017)

Troyrocks said:


> She would be on the bottom end, as this team is a step up for her - though improvement is definitely showing already.  Only team at the age level for this club and the club checks all the other boxes for convenience, training and it being a challenge.  Other local teams at her age don't seem to be a great fit.
> 
> Will probably keep trying to gauge the temperature of things for a bit and then have a conversation with the coach about where we stand.


If you think she is on the bottom rung, the coach's actions make perfect sense.  The coach is happy to have the kid practice because she isn't pushing the starting line up (i.e. he doesn't really need her for State Cup) and he doesn't need the drama from the parents of the bench players who probably already complain their DD doesn't get enough playing time.  There is no reason to roster the player until tryouts.  He can watch her practice and develop and evaluate the team come tryouts, at which point she will have a leg up on any newcomers.

Enjoy the fact that the kid gets to practice with better players and maybe an opportunity to guest play in a tournament with this team.


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## SoccerFan4Life (Nov 30, 2017)

My son flourished when I had him try out with a better team.  He started off as the worst and by the end of the season he was playing more minutes than all of the bench players(18 player team).  He's not a starter yet but he is very close.  Good luck and just keep reminding your DD that every practice is a tryout.


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## toepunchh8r (Nov 30, 2017)

Not sure if anyone mentioned this but at the 06 age group, the cup tie date for state cup would be fast approaching. If the plan is to move clubs and play state cup, get your release before 6pm on 12/14. I would consider finding a backup club or team too. Just in case.


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## Primetime (Nov 30, 2017)

Troyrocks said:


> My DD (2006) is in the process of finding a new club.  She's been practicing with a prospective (hopefully new home) club for just over a month.  Coach initially liked what he saw and said to keep bringing her.  However since then there's been no real mention of his intentions regarding rostering her.  My question: how long do I just keep coming to practice before checking in to see what his intentions are for her?  I don't want to seem pushy as I've really enjoyed the trainings and hope she can stick with this team.


I'm a G06' coach and I like to do this a lot.   Especially this time of year.   Ends up being several reasons.   First big and main one is our team commitments are through State Cup so I cant drop/cut anyone till after then and with a full roster I'm not gonna add players to take away game time from player that have been with me all year.   Second is obviously like others mentioned unless your kids an absolute stud its hard to commit with the chance of better players coming out the next 3 !! months before our season resets.  if your kid was an absolute stud we wouldn't be having this post and id also likely be able to negotiate my first big reason and my parents would understand completely.   However its not the other direction as some mentioned either, meaning she must the bottom of the roster or destined for a second or third team.   chances are shes a middle of the road player and like i said middle of the road players can come around the next 3 months.  HOWEVER i'm honest with the parents in what i see and what i'm looking for , ect.   The Other thing is its also early for the parents likely are not gonna miss opportunities in Nov,Dec,Jan.   If i can get a player out for a month or so to somewhat regular training sessions it gives me an opportunity to see all they can do and how quick they can pick things up and progress, how coachable they are and gives them  chance to get a comfortable and a sample of how they can improve.  sometimes great kids come out but like ALL players may be missing things here and there some of those things are correctable and in a month can be corrected/improved on which may be a glimpse into the next year       I have 3 players on my team now that all tried out for almost 2 months prior to officially joining.   one of which has grown into arguably my best player.   if the training is good, club is good, coach is good, environment is good  then I'd keep going until the coach tells you not to.   I have an 06' DD as well (not on my team, lol )  so from both coach and parent POV that's MHO


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## Gokicksomegrass (Dec 1, 2017)

Troyrocks said:


> She would be on the bottom end, as this team is a step up for her - though improvement is definitely showing already.  Only team at the age level for this club and the club checks all the other boxes for convenience, training and it being a challenge.  Other local teams at her age don't seem to be a great fit.
> 
> Will probably keep trying to gauge the temperature of things for a bit and then have a conversation with the coach about where we stand.


sounds like the new club is a small one. 
don't let you or your dd fall in love with this team, which sounds like it. how big will the roster be? 16? 18? 22?
coaches don't replace players at the 16-18 with other kids near 16-18, unless they are a project that might grow. anything over 18, your
kid will be just a practice player to help pay for the trips. explore the other clubs and keep your options open.

just like at work at a big company, coaches will do the life boat exercise for players. do the same for your team and your player.
bottom end means little minutes. know where your dd fits. practice with better girls and speed of play is great, but without being
able to implement the practice into games will not be fun. need a careful balance of both.

understand the coach's philosophy of soccer and coaching. one coach believed that everyone should get to play to implement
what they practiced, so he limited the roster to 15 and he kept his promise of 15. development coach.
another coach promised 16, then increased to 18 and added 4 more practice players that might fill in if kids got hurt or vacay. 
he believed the best players get all the minutes, the subs some minutes, and bottom end, little or no minutes. 
up or out model for big clubs for winning.

if your dd is at the bottom end and can handle getting little or no minutes, but practicing 3x times
a week, traveling to tourneys, etc and somehow think she will get better and still love the game without quitting
in tears and frustrations, then go ahead by all means. or, you can find a good middle ground where she
will develop and still be challenged and still love the game. at this age it is all about instilling the love of the game,
not trophies or hardware. good luck.


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## socalkdg (Dec 1, 2017)

Troyrocks said:


> My DD (2006) is in the process of finding a new club.  She's been practicing with a prospective (hopefully new home) club for just over a month.  Coach initially liked what he saw and said to keep bringing her.  However since then there's been no real mention of his intentions regarding rostering her.  My question: how long do I just keep coming to practice before checking in to see what his intentions are for her?  I don't want to seem pushy as I've really enjoyed the trainings and hope she can stick with this team.


First, if it hasn't cost you anything, then you are getting some great free training.  Second, if you really want to be on this team,  get your kid some privates for the next few weeks.   That combined with training with the new club may help show enough improvement to make this team.    We went through something similar and the extra training and quality coaching boosted her game in less than 3 months.   She is still with the same coach.


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## coachrefparent (Dec 1, 2017)

I like gokicksomegrass' advice, but  socalkdg has a valid point. 

This age for girls has a very steep improvement curve. 07-06 girls will exponetionally get better if they are putting in quality training hours. 

But, shooting for this particular  single team at this club seems shortsighted.  Get her all the privates you want, but don't put all your eggs in one basket. If you've  split from your club's  training already , look for other clubs to train with as well. And I agree to be sure she will get decent minutes ( at least 2nd string) where ever she ends up.


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## Penguin (Dec 1, 2017)

I wouldn't say anything to the coach right now (especially asking for 15 minutes of his time after practice) or ask the question you really want to know which is: is my kid good enough to make this team? I would wait for these reasons:
1. You are getting free training. If you force the coach to answer the question are you prepared for the coach to say "no, I am not ready to roster your kid, thanks for coming out. Goodbye. "  That would leave your child without a place to practice. Even if your kid doesn't make the team she will be more competitive trying out for other teams in Jan./Feb. if she keeps practicing with this team. 
2. 06's will be moving from 9 v 9 to 11 v 11 next year. That is good news for you because teams will need to pick up more players. So maybe right now there isn't a spot playing with 9 but spots will open up. 
3. Your coach needs to see who shows up to tryouts. If you are an easy parent, your kid is improving, and she is coachable then even if a player shows up to tryouts that is equal to her ability the coach will probably pick your kid. 
4. In the interim keep looking to see what teams are out there.
5. If she is one of the weakest players on this team try to find a rec winter soccer league so she can keep her confidence up. When I moved my son up to a higher level team he had to get used to the faster speed of play.  It is great to try out moves when playing against weaker players and not hesitate to take a shot, make a move, or go after a ball instead of deferring to better players on a team.


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## Flipthrow (Dec 1, 2017)

This post is a good one that has some intelligent and thoughtful replies. I appreciate the coach’s honest insight as well. This situation that causes confusion and anxiety for families and coaches could be greatly reduced if  no clubs were hosting tryouts in December. But for the next few weeks you’ll be seeing new tryout posts and getting emails. 

When you post tryout info, please do it in every section of the website so we don’t miss it. And start off with something catchy like, “ Do you have what it takes to be the best in the whole wide world?”  After all, I’ve never seen anyone say,”our club is mediocre so your very average kid should fit right in.”


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## VTL1970 (Dec 1, 2017)

It's crazy that tryouts are this prevalent at this point in time.  The teams still have State Cups, etc to finish up.  Also the ECNL and DA teams don't wrap up until June or so. 

My daughter is a 2003 and I don't remember it being this crazy.  (I used to also walk uphill both ways to school).   CalSouth should consider some rules around timing for all of this movement.  It helped with some stability in ECNL last year.


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## 46n2 (Dec 1, 2017)

*Tryouts are fun for kids, my kids love them !!*

Id go to all of them since its basically extra practice for winter tourneys and State Cup.  Kids get to meet other kids , thats awesome! 

Personally this year I know alot more families trying out with different teams , might just be our age range though.

*FYI, All the Top Teams have a list of kids they want already.....so your competing against that list as well.  Thats another thread though.*


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## watfly (Dec 1, 2017)

While its fun to play online psychologist and speculate as to what the coach is thinking, what's wrong with simply talking to the coach and asking a couple reasonable questions about where he sees your child.  "Hey coach are you still considering my daughter for the team? If so how seriously? If not what are your recommendations for her?" If he can't commit either way then you can make a risk and rewards decision on how to proceed.  If there is something wrong with asking a couple reasonable questions, why would you want this individual as your child's coach? 

We are far to0 deferential to coaches and clubs for fear our child will miss out on an opportunity.  I don't recommend pestering a coach, but providing feedback is part of their job.   If they don't think it is than I'd personally find another coach.  It's time we take some of the power away from the coaches and clubs.  I've learned that we need to take more ownership of our kids soccer path instead of just handing them off to the coach and hoping for the best...while we remain silent.  (That can be a recipe for disaster, trust me). My son's coach proactively gives me feedback about my son either directly or implied, so I rarely talk to him other than to shoot the bull.

Granted, It's not always an easy process, but we don't need to complicate it.  Best of luck to your daughter.


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## Mystery Train (Dec 1, 2017)

Penguin said:


> I wouldn't say anything to the coach right now (especially asking for 15 minutes of his time after practice) or ask the question you really want to know which is: is my kid good enough to make this team?


Why wait to know the truth?  If the coach doesn't think the kid is good enough and is honest enough to say so, then why waste the next three months with the unrealistic expectation that this is a team she'll end up with?  I get the whole "you're getting free training" thing, but if the kid is harboring hopes of playing with this team and bonding with the other kids, it's gonna suck that much harder to not make it.  It would be more helpful to spend these next months exploring other opportunities in that scenario.  More than likely, it's a "wait and see" situation, and that's fine, too.  But the coach might also be able to provide insight on what the kid would need to improve on between now and roster decisions, which could be super valuable.  Again, why wait to know that?  

From time to time I see people advising parents to not talk to their kid's coach after practice.  I don't get it.  My kid's got a fantastic coach and he's always available to chat with the parents after practice or games (as long as he doesn't have another one to get to).   Because of that accessibility, every parent already knows where their kid stands, so the result is that he almost never HAS to talk to them because there are rarely any questions that he hasn't already addressed.  If you are respectful enough of the coach to set it up in advance and aren't pushy or overbearing, this should be no problem.  All the good coaches I've dealt with are like that.  If talking to a parent about their child is a problem for a youth sports coach, run away.  Run far away.  Trust me.


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## Mystery Train (Dec 1, 2017)

. . . I should also add that good coaches let the players themselves know where they stand, and therefore there is less need for parents to ask.


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## mirage (Dec 1, 2017)

46n2 said:


> .....*FYI, All the Top Teams have a list of kids they want already.....so your competing against that list as well.  Thats another thread though.*


This is not true.  Coaches may know and want certain kids/players but to say ALL the Top Teams have their list, is an overstatement.

I say this with 10 years of club soccer experience as a parent and for kid that played at the top tier including DA.


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## Troyrocks (Dec 1, 2017)

Penguin said:


> I wouldn't say anything to the coach right now (especially asking for 15 minutes of his time after practice) or ask the question you really want to know which is: is my kid good enough to make this team? I would wait for these reasons:
> 1. You are getting free training. If you force the coach to answer the question are you prepared for the coach to say "no, I am not ready to roster your kid, thanks for coming out. Goodbye. "  That would leave your child without a place to practice. Even if your kid doesn't make the team she will be more competitive trying out for other teams in Jan./Feb. if she keeps practicing with this team.
> 2. 06's will be moving from 9 v 9 to 11 v 11 next year. That is good news for you because teams will need to pick up more players. So maybe right now there isn't a spot playing with 9 but spots will open up.
> 3. Your coach needs to see who shows up to tryouts. If you are an easy parent, your kid is improving, and she is coachable then even if a player shows up to tryouts that is equal to her ability the coach will probably pick your kid.
> ...


Your comments ring true to me.  Thanks for speaking directly to the situation in our age group - something I've definitely been thinking about. 

In response to Mystery Train:
It's not an issue of having an unapproachable coach or being scared.  Although my daughter's been at club soccer for nearly 3 years, we've only been with one team and I really still consider myself a newbie (having no soccer background to speak of myself).  My question had as much to do with etiquette (as it changes in different youth sports) as it does with the time it takes to evaluate and make decisions as a coach.  I think a lot of those questions have been addressed by most of you.  Thank you all for chiming in.


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## tylerdurden (Dec 1, 2017)

VTL1970 said:


> It's crazy that tryouts are this prevalent at this point in time.  The teams still have State Cups, etc to finish up.  Also the ECNL and DA teams don't wrap up until June or so.
> 
> My daughter is a 2003 and I don't remember it being this crazy.  (I used to also walk uphill both ways to school).   CalSouth should consider some rules around timing for all of this movement.  It helped with some stability in ECNL last year.


Some teams have smaller-sized rosters that allow them to add a couple players before National/State Cup during the Thanksgiving window. For players that are unhappy with their current situation, this can be a win/win.


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