# The worst has happened to me...



## Bananacorner (Sep 18, 2018)

My kid quit.  Long story, but DD quit and doesn't want to play at all anymore.  I put her off for months, but it was obvious where it was headed -- every practice, every game was a struggle.  Played club since she was 6 years old and loved it more than anything up until a year ago, it slowly started going downhill.  She was playing on a pre-DA team but I guess it was too much commitment and competition for her, she burned out and stopped loving the game somewhere along the way.

I feel so bad for her losing her passion for the game, a game she loved so much and was such a big part of her life.  And I feel sorry for myself, not getting to watch her play, she was so talented and such a joy to watch.  I hope it never happens to you...


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## socalkdg (Sep 18, 2018)

Feel bad for both of you.   Just getting the chance to watch our kids in sports is a blessing, and is the only reason I hope to see my kid play in college some day.  Not the money, just the hope to continue watching her for as long as possible. 

Just this past weekend I heard the sister of a player that is on a DPL team.  She said her sister hated her teammates but that this was the most competitive team she could be on.   Pretty sure that is the parents pushing that agenda.  I worry she may decide to quit someday.

Hopefully your daughter might change her mind in the future.  Maybe find a team that she loves to play with.  Good luck to you and her.


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## jpeter (Sep 18, 2018)

Hope the new chapter turns out well for both of you.

When my oldest went away for college and opted to focus on her education I was happy & sad at the same time.  Got over it partly because she recieved some academic scholarships & was doing  well at college & so happy.  Once in a while she will get into pickup vball  & soccer when shes visits.  Family games on the holidays can be fun.


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## Messi>CR7 (Sep 18, 2018)

Bananacorner said:


> My kid quit.  Long story, but DD quit and doesn't want to play at all anymore.  I put her off for months, but it was obvious where it was headed -- every practice, every game was a struggle.  Played club since she was 6 years old and loved it more than anything up until a year ago, it slowly started going downhill.  She was playing on a pre-DA team but I guess it was too much commitment and competition for her, she burned out and stopped loving the game somewhere along the way.
> 
> I feel so bad for her losing her passion for the game, a game she loved so much and was such a big part of her life.  And I feel sorry for myself, not getting to watch her play, she was so talented and such a joy to watch.  I hope it never happens to you...


Thank you for posting this, and I hope she will find the passion again perhaps after a season off.  Maybe in a year or two she will want to play HS soccer with her buddies.

If you don't mind me asking, how many days/hours per week did she train with her pre-academy team?  I'm always trying to find the right balance for my DD who is probably a little younger than yours.  But it never crossed my mind to ask her if she just wants to take a practice or two off for no reason other than to simply relax away from soccer.


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## mulliganmom (Sep 18, 2018)

A friend of ours has a kid who hung up their cleats a year ago, but this year they're back and happy to be back. Could happen. Sometimes they just want a break, and then they miss it. Best wishes on the next chapter.


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## GKDad65 (Sep 18, 2018)

Mine quit the big DA club and returned to the local (lower league) club and is having fun again!


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## timbuck (Sep 18, 2018)

Not trying to be a dick here but....  this may be the worst that happened to you.   And the best thing to happen to your daughter.

Not sure what age (you say pre-DA which sounds like she’s around 12).  Hopefully she stays active and athletic.

My biggest wish for my girls is that being athletic as a kid keeps them being athletic as an adult.


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## Mystery Train (Sep 18, 2018)

Bananacorner said:


> My kid quit.  Long story, but DD quit and doesn't want to play at all anymore.  I put her off for months, but it was obvious where it was headed -- every practice, every game was a struggle.  Played club since she was 6 years old and loved it more than anything up until a year ago, it slowly started going downhill.  She was playing on a pre-DA team but I guess it was too much commitment and competition for her, she burned out and stopped loving the game somewhere along the way.
> 
> I feel so bad for her losing her passion for the game, a game she loved so much and was such a big part of her life.  And I feel sorry for myself, not getting to watch her play, she was so talented and such a joy to watch.  I hope it never happens to you...


We all hate to see kids leave the sport because it stopped being fun.  And I totally get the loss you feel as a parent.  Watching my kid play soccer has replaced watching sports on the weekend as my favorite spectator experience.  But here's another way to look at it:  Good for her!  She had the awareness to understand that she is better off not dedicating all this time and energy into something that doesn't bring her joy.  How many of us adults slave away at jobs we don't want because we didn't listen to our guts and chase something we were passionate about?  Maybe the desire and joy will return one day.  Maybe not.  But hopefully she finds or has already found interests which bring her happiness... just not boys. #AmIriteDads?


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## Dominic (Sep 18, 2018)

It happened to both of my kids at 16. For 12 straight years I watched them practice and play, and then they decided to hang it up. Both were starters on their club team, and both made varsity as freshman. I MISS WATCHING THEM PLAY SO MUCH! Sometimes I think about adopting and doing it all over again. Bring on the 8AMs  in Lancaster and the parking fees, I would gladly drive and play to see my kids play again. When I read about some people complaining about distance, fees or climate conditions I wish I could be their kids parent for a day and drive them to the game , set my chair up, shag balls, and enjoy  every touch on the ball. The most euphoric feeling I have ever had was my son making his PK at Surf Cup 2011 to send his team to the final.
  I think I need to go watch a tournament and pick a team to root for it might be good therapy LOL


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## Ricky Fandango (Sep 18, 2018)

Dominic said:


> It happened to both of my kids at 16. For 12 straight years I watched them practice and play, and then they decided to hang it up. Both were starters on their club team, and both made varsity as freshman. I MISS WATCHING THEM PLAY SO MUCH! Sometimes I think about adopting and doing it all over again. Bring on the 8AMs  in Lancaster and the parking fees, I would gladly drive and play to see my kids play again. When I read about some people complaining about distance, fees or climate conditions I wish I could be their kids parent for a day and drive them to the game , set my chair up, shag balls, and enjoy  every touch on the ball. The most euphoric feeling I have ever had was my son making his PK at Surf Cup 2011 to send his team to the final.
> I think I need to go watch a tournament and pick a team to root for it might be good therapy LOL


#MAGA


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## jpeter (Sep 18, 2018)

Dominic said:


> It happened to both of my kids at 16. For 12 straight years I watched them practice and play, and then they decided to hang it up. Both were starters on their club team, and both made varsity as freshman. I MISS WATCHING THEM PLAY SO MUCH! Sometimes I think about adopting and doing it all over again. Bring on the 8AMs  in Lancaster and the parking fees, I would gladly drive and play to see my kids play again. When I read about some people complaining about distance, fees or climate conditions I wish I could be their kids parent for a day and drive them to the game , set my chair up, shag balls, and enjoy  every touch on the ball. The most euphoric feeling I have ever had was my son making his PK at Surf Cup 2011 to send his team to the final.
> I think I need to go watch a tournament and pick a team to root for it might be good therapy LOL


Right on, I was joking with our oldest over the summer about "renting" another daughter like her even though we still have two high schoolers at home i still miss seeing her play and having her cheerful self around.

She was always so happy to be competing and it always put a smile on my face watching her play.  Every year she seemed to kept improving and I would tell her she was like a fine wine, only getting better over time.

As crazy as things could be she had several sports scholarship opportunities but after a lot of careful thought, conversations, and even some dorm stays she made the decision that college sports didn't fit her long term goals but instead wanted to focus on her education & Civic activities.  I cried when she told me, happy that she had become such a wonderful person  but sad at the same time because I knew things could never be the same again, our little daughter had grown up and was off and couldn't wait to get out to college. 

The journey of her and us was so much more than the designation, even though they made regionals one year and lost in a hearbreakers on PK's in the final she was still happy and for that I still remember telling her how happy I was for her to see the mountain top, getting there was the reward for all those hours of training & dedication.


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## Multi Sport (Sep 18, 2018)

Bananacorner said:


> My kid quit.  Long story, but DD quit and doesn't want to play at all anymore.  I put her off for months, but it was obvious where it was headed -- every practice, every game was a struggle.  Played club since she was 6 years old and loved it more than anything up until a year ago, it slowly started going downhill.  She was playing on a pre-DA team but I guess it was too much commitment and competition for her, she burned out and stopped loving the game somewhere along the way.
> 
> I feel so bad for her losing her passion for the game, a game she loved so much and was such a big part of her life.  And I feel sorry for myself, not getting to watch her play, she was so talented and such a joy to watch.  I hope it never happens to you...


I think you'll be surprised how many of us have gone through this. My oldest DD hung em up her Senior year. I was hoping against hope when a college coach called her to recruit her and I heard her say that she no longer plays... 

But it gets better. She's married and have given us our first Grandkid. Guess what sport his Momma wants him play? 

Find something else to connect with your daughter. Go skiing, camping or go hike Mt Whitney with her.


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## Calisoccer11 (Sep 18, 2018)

Bananacorner said:


> My kid quit.  Long story, but DD quit and doesn't want to play at all anymore.  I put her off for months, but it was obvious where it was headed -- every practice, every game was a struggle.  Played club since she was 6 years old and loved it more than anything up until a year ago, it slowly started going downhill.  She was playing on a pre-DA team but I guess it was too much commitment and competition for her, she burned out and stopped loving the game somewhere along the way.
> 
> I feel so bad for her losing her passion for the game, a game she loved so much and was such a big part of her life.  And I feel sorry for myself, not getting to watch her play, she was so talented and such a joy to watch.  I hope it never happens to you...


Oh Banancorner!  I feel your pain!!  My DD hung up her cleats about a year ago and it took me soooo long not to walk by a girls' game and not stop and watch....and start talking to the parents - omg!  I was a sad mess!!!  But I cherish the memories and I'm so glad that she is truly happy and has expanded her interests and has been involved in a lot of different clubs and activities at school that was just impossible to do before because of club.  I still have a little one so that helps of course....Wishing you and your DD the best!!


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## Simisoccerfan (Sep 18, 2018)

Sounds a lot like our situation. But I found the reasons were the opposite.  Playing on a team where the girls were not that committed to soccer.  When she moved to the DA  she rediscovered her passion for soccer surrounding by a group of like minded and skilled girls. I thought she was going to be done but now I get enjoy her senior year plus 4 more years.  My other older kids ended their club careers at 16 so I have seen that side too.


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## push_up (Sep 18, 2018)

I am waiting for MAP to log and post that Bannana and his daughter are now a couple of Mitch's.


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## Dummy (Sep 18, 2018)

My sense is that players keep playing when it’s fun.  The longer it is fun, the longer they will play.  Figuring out how to keep it fun for your player is a challenge for every parent.

Some players thrive by being on power teams.  Others thrive fighting power teams alongside their lifelong friends.  My kid chose to stay with her community team fighting power teams, and she will also be playing for at least four more years.  (The caveat is that in either scenario, you need a good coach.)

There is no one path.  The key is knowing your kid and ignoring the bullshit.  I hope that your player finds her way back to a place where she enjoys playing.


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Sep 19, 2018)

Wait a year and then push her to sign up for a Rec team or low level club team. Maybe she can at least rediscover joy in the sport.

The most fun I had playing soccer was my senior year when I decided to play on the U19 Rec team.


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## Soccer Cat (Sep 19, 2018)

I feel for you, I would be SO sad if my kiddo quit, I enjoy every moment of watching her play the sport we love so much.  It has been a huge part of most of her life and we have made incredible memories around it.

I have followed some good advice with her along the way - don't push her.  She is on a good team of great kids, but has no desire to do DA even though she would have a chance to make the team.  As we have seen friends leave for those programs, she says she wants to be able to participate in the other sports she also loves and is good at, and do other stuff she loves.  Although the competitive part of me wants to encourage her to go big, I bite my tongue and focus on her having fun.

They grow up way too fast and you have reminded me to enjoy the ride as I will miss these days so much when they are gone.


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## mirage (Sep 19, 2018)

Bananacorner said:


> My kid quit............
> 
> I feel so bad for her losing her passion for the game, a game she loved so much and was such a big part of her life.  And I feel sorry for myself, not getting to watch her play,...


Sorry to hear.

Over the years, I've observed many of my kids teammates quit for various reasons.  Some of them just grew older and life happened to them (puberty makes a big difference).  Others lost interest in soccer but found other things to focus on (one kid quit and became the team videographer for the high school surf team and is focusing on filmmaking).

And some, simply got tired of being hurt all the time.  One in particular, our next door, their daughter quit when she was a junior in HS because she was tired of being in pain a lot of the times.  She just finished taking the bar exam after completing Hastings in SF.

Unless your kid is going pro, this happens to all of us soon or later.  We just want to be later than sooner.  But, it simply depends - right?  So the focus is how best to set your kid up for success as an adult upon graduation.  I know what I'm saying is rhetorical but often we lose the sight of real goal for raising our kids.

Rather than hoping for the kid to go backwards to soccer, consider how best to find new passion to channel the energy into.  Treasure the soccer memories and go help her create new memories that both of you (her more than you) can be passionate about.  Clearly she hasn't lost passion for life.


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## outside! (Sep 19, 2018)

If she is searching for a sport, ex-women soccer players would crush most cyclists if they decided they like watching their feet go around.


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## rainbow_unicorn (Sep 19, 2018)

Dominic said:


> It happened to both of my kids at 16. For 12 straight years I watched them practice and play, and then they decided to hang it up. Both were starters on their club team, and both made varsity as freshman. I MISS WATCHING THEM PLAY SO MUCH! Sometimes I think about adopting and doing it all over again. Bring on the 8AMs  in Lancaster and the parking fees, I would gladly drive and play to see my kids play again. When I read about some people complaining about distance, fees or climate conditions I wish I could be their kids parent for a day and drive them to the game , set my chair up, shag balls, and enjoy  every touch on the ball. The most euphoric feeling I have ever had was my son making his PK at Surf Cup 2011 to send his team to the final.
> I think I need to go watch a tournament and pick a team to root for it might be good therapy LOL


Dominic, if you're in the south bay area you're welcome to watch one of our U8 or U10 games as an honorary parent.


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## fotos4u2 (Sep 19, 2018)

Joining the crowd in saying that this is going to happen to all of us.  The majority of players quit at some point whether it's when they're young, graduate high school, or graduate college.  Enjoy the ride while you can!

My last in line (of 3) considered quitting last year.  She just wasn't having fun anymore.  Thankfully she decided to move to a different more local team where she is still competing at a high level but also is having a great time socially.  Being local also gave her time for other things outside soccer. 

Now here we are senior year and she's debating whether she wants to play next year.  She could play soccer for what used to be her number 1 choice college, but she may just choose to go to a different school and not play and instead enjoy the other social aspects of college.  This kid enjoys going to Football games almost more than playing futbol.

As for me, with three kids I assume one of them will give me a grandkid someday that I will happily encourage to play the sport I love to watch!


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## Multi Sport (Sep 19, 2018)

outside! said:


> If she is searching for a sport, ex-women soccer players would crush most cyclists if they decided they like watching their feet go around.


Really?


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## younothat (Sep 19, 2018)

Cycling, swimming, and beach sports continue to be some of things I still participate with my kids together.   

Couldn't image spectating cycling but we enjoy this together outdoors going places and hanging out. 

Indoor we use the bike for fitness, rehab, etc why we watch a game, listen to music, etc so can be a good workout for the legs, back, core. 



Multi Sport said:


> Really?


Yeah would like to here more about that,  my son is a pretty fast soccer player but hes just average to on the slower side on a bike, same for the daughter.

I was more of a middle distance runner,  not really fast but I had better speed on a bike but we rode a lot more I suppose.

I didn't play soccer so never really experienced that with my kids but I kind of miss playing ball with them, besides the occasional driveway  horse or vball at a party don't play with them much anymore besides indoor ping pong.


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## outside! (Sep 19, 2018)

I neglected to specify female players/cyclists. Many cyclists get into the sport rather casually, without the training background and base fitness that upper level club soccer players are used to. Cycling is all about power to weight and the ability to suffer. High level female soccer players do well in both of those metrics. If I was a cycling coach looking for high level athletes, I would look for burned out soccer players or soccer players recovering from an injury. I know my DD's power to weight ratio is much better than mine.


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## SoccerFan4Life (Sep 19, 2018)

Bananacorner said:


> My kid quit.  Long story
> 
> I feel so bad for her losing her passion for the game, a game she loved so much and was such a big part of her life.  And I feel sorry for myself, not getting to watch her play, she was so talented and such a joy to watch.  I hope it never happens to you...



Happened to me this year (2 of 3 have quit).  My advice is to have her pick another sport or activity and support her as much as possible.  Kids want to see if you will continue to support them.  This is a test that you need to identify and show her that you still want to be part of her new activity.  

You would be surprised how your adrenaline kicks in again as a parent when they start doing a sport outside of soccer. My kids are very happy now doing cross-country and wrestling.     My cross country kid actually has a chance to be an elite runner and I am enjoying it even more than soccer because he is winning because of his individual effort and doesn't need to depend on others.    

My youngest one loves soccer but I now need to focus on not putting so much pressure to make her quit.   I get to do this all over again and I will try to not make the same mistakes as I did with the older ones.  

Good luck but remember to support her. 
​


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## Messi>CR7 (Sep 19, 2018)

My grand scheme for club soccer is after my DD leaves house for college/work, she would visit me EVERY weekend so we can watch a FC Barcelona match and spend quality time together (much like dad and son watch NFL together).  Regardless whether or how long she wants to play soccer, I hope she will continue to love this beautiful game.  If there is one thing I'm certain of, it is that she will be a much more qualified AYSO coach for her kid than I ever was for her.


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## 3JMommy (Sep 19, 2018)

Our daughter hung them up this past May, but she wanted to quit three years ago, when her former coach just burned her out. We talked her into trying just one more year on a lower level team, and ended up with 3 years--eventually moving back up to a team that was better than the original. We were so happy for each day we got to watch her. There's just something about being"allowed" to watch them, and cheer them (although sometimes we got dirty looks if we were too vocal)...Maybe what makes it special is that environment where you can have on display for all to see how much you truly enjoy your child. If I could go to her English class and read a paper she wrote out loud to everyone -- I would do that too.


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## *GOBEARGO* (Sep 20, 2018)

Dominic said:


> It happened to both of my kids at 16. For 12 straight years I watched them practice and play, and then they decided to hang it up. Both were starters on their club team, and both made varsity as freshman. I MISS WATCHING THEM PLAY SO MUCH! Sometimes I think about adopting and doing it all over again. Bring on the 8AMs  in Lancaster and the parking fees, I would gladly drive and play to see my kids play again. When I read about some people complaining about distance, fees or climate conditions I wish I could be their kids parent for a day and drive them to the game , set my chair up, shag balls, and enjoy  every touch on the ball. The most euphoric feeling I have ever had was my son making his PK at Surf Cup 2011 to send his team to the final.
> I think I need to go watch a tournament and pick a team to root for it might be good therapy LOL


14-16 is the bewitching hour, in general, for kids to call it quits. It coincides with the general good times at this age as kids push back and start thinking they know everything there is about everything there is. It's why its so important to making the early years as less stressful as possible and nurture THEIR luv of the game. This has been talked about at nauseum on this site, so I will not try to type what that looks like, but I think you all can figure it out.


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## Mystery Train (Sep 20, 2018)

3JMommy said:


> If I could go to her English class and read a paper she wrote out loud to everyone -- I would do that too.


LOL!  That's awesome.  Me too.


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## mirage (Sep 20, 2018)

Messi>CR7 said:


> My grand scheme for club soccer is after my DD leaves house for college/work, she would visit me EVERY weekend so we can watch a FC Barcelona match and spend quality time together (much like dad and son watch NFL together).....


You don't really think this will happen do you????

Good luck with that though..... Hoping it will be so for you.


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## younothat (Sep 20, 2018)

Our daughter is a senior this year so I made a promise that I will attend more of her HS soccer and volleyball games.   Have some regret not attending more of these over the years,  but at least I saw most of the postseason ones.

Lots of times these games are during regular working hours in the day but his year I decided to change/adjust my schedule so I can attend.    HS Volleyball is not a great spectator sport (lots of hugging)  and its easy to get bored as the games get drawn out so having something else to stay interested in is nice.   Been trying out some action still photography and getting some pictures of her, she plays a lot so I snap about 6-1 for the ones she/we like but who cares, these are fun memories.  Not many fans or parents at regular season volleyball games or HS soccer for that matter as compared club soccer matches but its so much more chill that i tend to relax and enjoy the games without all the background noise and commotion.


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## Multi Sport (Sep 21, 2018)

younothat said:


> Our daughter is a senior this year so I made a promise that I will attend more of her HS soccer and volleyball games.   Have some regret not attending more of these over the years,  but at least I saw most of the postseason ones.
> 
> Lots of times these games are during regular working hours in the day but his year I decided to change/adjust my schedule so I can attend.    HS Volleyball is not a great spectator sport (lots of hugging)  and its easy to get bored as the games get drawn out so having something else to stay interested in is nice.   Been trying out some action still photography and getting some pictures of her, she plays a lot so I snap about 6-1 for the ones she/we like but who cares, these are fun memories.  Not many fans or parents at regular season volleyball games or HS soccer for that matter as compared club soccer matches but its so much more chill that i tend to relax and enjoy the games without all the background noise and commotion.


My DD, a Senior in college, is playing her final year. I'll stop mid day to to stream her game and next week I will probably drive up to Oregon to watch her play. Makes driving to Lancaster seem like a trip to the market...


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## Desert619 (Sep 23, 2018)

This happened to me. I felt the same way. It was hard at first. But he found his passion and I’m happy for him. He is now a gym rat and plays lacrosse. He’s busy everyday and loves what he does.


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## Dominic (Sep 23, 2018)

rainbow_unicorn said:


> Dominic, if you're in the south bay area you're welcome to watch one of our U8 or U10 games as an honorary parent.


Thank You so much , I will probably take you up on that!


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## Multi Sport (Sep 24, 2018)

outside! said:


> I neglected to specify female players/cyclists. Many cyclists get into the sport rather casually, without the training background and base fitness that upper level club soccer players are used to. Cycling is all about power to weight and the ability to suffer. High level female soccer players do well in both of those metrics. If I was a cycling coach looking for high level athletes, I would look for burned out soccer players or soccer players recovering from an injury. I know my DD's power to weight ratio is much better than mine.


Are you referring to Road or MTB?


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## outside! (Sep 24, 2018)

Multi Sport said:


> Are you referring to Road or MTB?


I don't see much difference as far as power to weight or the ability to suffer are concerned. From an athletes perspective the only difference I see is that MTB requires more upper body strength and better bike handling skills.


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## Multi Sport (Sep 24, 2018)

outside! said:


> I don't see much difference as far as power to weight or the ability to suffer are concerned. From an athletes perspective the only difference I see is that MTB requires more upper body strength and better bike handling skills.


Big difference between the two. Mountain Bike racing is an anaerobic sufferfest. From the time the gun goes off you are taxing the upper limits of your heart rate.  A Road race... a slow death. Sit in, grab a wheel for an hour, check the breakaways and be in the right place for the final sprint. Both are tough and require some gamesmanship but very different.


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