# How to convince my kid to guest play.



## socalkdg (Jul 20, 2017)

Daughter is a keeper, has a chance to play a tournament with another team.  Their coach is her keeper trainer.  We really want her to play for extra experience and the coach would like to see her in game situation.   She is worried she will let the other team down, and of course a bit nervous.

Thoughts?


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## Eagle33 (Jul 20, 2017)

socalkdg said:


> Daughter is a keeper, has a chance to play a tournament with another team.  Their coach is her keeper trainer.  We really want her to play for extra experience and the coach would like to see her in game situation.   She is worried she will let the other team down, and of course a bit nervous.
> 
> Thoughts?


Sounds to me that You want to guest play - not your daughter


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## Mystery Train (Jul 20, 2017)

socalkdg said:


> Daughter is a keeper, has a chance to play a tournament with another team.  Their coach is her keeper trainer.  We really want her to play for extra experience and the coach would like to see her in game situation.   She is worried she will let the other team down, and of course a bit nervous.
> 
> Thoughts?


If it's her first time guest playing, it's all about comfort level.  If she can practice with the other team a few times prior to the tournament, then that will help get her comfortable.  My daughter used to balk at guest playing.  She'd practice with the teams and then be very excited.  Now she's such a veteran of guesting that she'll guest play with teams sight unseen if she's up for it.  It is, however, always her call at the end of the day.  I never force it on her.    By the way, for keepers, I highly recommend getting them to guest play.  My daughter has had the opportunity to guest with teams better and worse than her regular club team and she always learns something from it.


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## Surfref (Jul 20, 2017)

I would have the coach/keeper trainer talk with her.


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## timbuck (Jul 20, 2017)

Can any other girls from her current team also play as a guest?  My kid (left winger) won't even consider playing unless any of her teammates are also playing.


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## GKDAD (Jul 20, 2017)

I always enjoyed watching my daughter guest play and thought it was a good experience, but she also wanted to take some weekends off away from soccer.    She wound up with plenty of games and is off to play at D1 college next week.    If anything, I wish we would have had a few more non-soccer weekends.     It's a LONG journey.     IMHO......let your DD do what she wants to do.     A few missed guest playing opportunities aren't going to make a difference in the long run.   Enjoy the journey!


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## SocalSoccerMom (Jul 20, 2017)

We encouraged our gk to guest play because it was free compare to $50-60/hr training at the same time got exposed to different styles/levels of play. We always did our homework on the teams she would be guesting with, making sure it wouldn't be too out of her comfort zone.  When she first started, we looked for teams/tournaments a couple levels below where she played to work on her confident and built up from there. Rarely, unless it was a big tournament (Blues/Surf/etc), I would not have her play with a team whose keeper would be there as well. My gk only had one bad experience the past 3 years. She enjoys guesting, and meeting new coaches and teams.


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## Woobie06 (Jul 20, 2017)

I agree with practicing first with the team....my daughter is a GK and she practiced for two weeks with the club she guested with last Thanksgiving....fortunately the practices were different days that her club.  It was a good experience all the way around, she got to know the girls and was comfortable with the team, coach, etc.  It also helped us as parents as we got to meet the other parents on the team.  We ended up moving to the new team after State Cup was over this year.  That was our experience.  Just a data point for what it is worth.


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## gauchosean (Jul 20, 2017)

My son was a keeper but would only guest play as a field player. He would guest play with lower level teams on the field but had no interest in playing goalie for them or any other team. He burned out on soccer at u13 and quit playing. Don't push it if she doesn't want to.


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## pewpew (Jul 20, 2017)

How old is she? I have found myself in the same situation in the past. We've only guested a few times. First time was sight unseen but the team needed help and we were available. We had already discussed the extra experience and playing time so she said let's go for it. That first team she ended up guesting with for a whole Spring League because our current team at the time was disbanding. We didn't have an actual team at that point and had time to kill. Show her the posts on here. Might put her mind at ease a bit. And tell her the only way she'll let them down is after the 10 players in front of her let her down first. My .02


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## AZsoccerDad (Jul 20, 2017)

My daughter is actually guesting for the first time in a couple of weeks, she's 13. My approach was simply to lay out what the opportunity was (the team, tourney, and why they needed a GK). I talked about both the positives and negatives as it relates to soccer (e.g. missing school should not be a deciding factor  )

She was more scared about the girls not liking her, or blaming her if she has a bad game, etc. than going to play. Once she realized that they needed help (no GK at all) and she was doing them a favour by playing (and they, by accepting her, are doing her one too) she woke up the next day and said "Dad, let's go".

It needs to be her decision and she needs to make it based on playing soccer. Personally, I think that a guest GK is the easiest position to slot into b/c you are NEVER taking playing time from anyone and usually they only ask for a guest keeper when the other choice is a cardboard cutout or dummy


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## Grace T. (Jul 20, 2017)

My sons a GK too.  Would anyone mind giving me the 411 about guesting for future reference....what are the rules of eligibility?  how do you find teams that need a guest?  When do kids generally start guesting?


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## Mystery Train (Jul 20, 2017)

Grace T. said:


> My sons a GK too.  Would anyone mind giving me the 411 about guesting for future reference....what are the rules of eligibility?  how do you find teams that need a guest?  When do kids generally start guesting?


Rules for eligibility vary depending on if you're talking about tournament/showcase play or in-season league play (no guesting allowed between clubs in league play usually).  Most of the time "guest" playing refers to a player playing with a different club's team in a tournament/showcase.   I've found guesting opportunities either through word of mouth via coaches/parents that I know on other teams, or from this forum.  Check the age group forum for you child's age or older during tournament season, and you'll usually see a few posts asking for guest players.  Some of the best guesting experiences for my DD came through messages here on socalsoccer.  My kid did her first guest playing at about 11.  But they do it as young as the youngest ages, too.  

Note:  A lot of coaches frown on their kids guest playing.  Some get really aggressive about it too.  They don't want your kid falling in love with another team and leaving.  It's understandable, but it's part of the game.  Technically, they can't prevent your kid from guest playing with another club. Whenever my DD guest played, she was just doing it for the experience, not with the intention of club hopping.  That being said, she did eventually leave her original club for a team that she guested for in the past.


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## sandshark (Jul 20, 2017)

Nothing good comes from guesting on other teams. #1 There is always a underlying reason another coach is asking #2 There is no reason to unless you are looking at other options down the road #3 If she kills it the team players, parents and coach will then start asking her to play for them. #4 They all get enough playing time and practice on their own teams #4 Her current team catches wind of this and its never good sideline talk. In other words NOTHING good can ever come out of guesting on other teams outside the club or even within the club! 
Just my .2 cents from personal experience.


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## Mystery Train (Jul 20, 2017)

sandshark said:


> Nothing good comes from guesting on other teams. #1 There is always a underlying reason another coach is asking #2 There is no reason to unless you are looking at other options down the road #3 If she kills it the team players, parents and coach will then start asking her to play for them. #4 They all get enough playing time and practice on their own teams #4 Her current team catches wind of this and its never good sideline talk. In other words NOTHING good can ever come out of guesting on other teams outside the club or even within the club!
> Just my .2 cents from personal experience.


Most of these things are true, but I think it depends on how you look at it if it is "good" or "bad."  From the perspective of a coach who has spent his/her time and energy developing and working with players, yeah, all of these things are bad.  But look at it from another perspective:  My kid was perfectly happy playing for her coach/team.  But they were dark for a month and didn't have many tournaments booked.  She guest played for two different clubs.  She returned to her team sharper and more experienced.  Fast forward 18 months, and her club plays musical chairs with the coaches and she is separated from her coach.  Now she gets a coach that was terrible.  The team starts to fall apart and players scatter.  Because of her guesting experience, she knows another coach and team.  They liked her, she likes them.  No need for us to do the try-out-meat-market circuit.  Boom.  Problem solved.  So, I disagree that "NOTHING" good "ever" comes out of guesting.  It was great for us.

I guess you are a coach, yes?


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## socalkdg (Jul 20, 2017)

sandshark said:


> Nothing good comes from guesting on other teams. #1 There is always a underlying reason another coach is asking #2 There is no reason to unless you are looking at other options down the road #3 If she kills it the team players, parents and coach will then start asking her to play for them. #4 They all get enough playing time and practice on their own teams #4 Her current team catches wind of this and its never good sideline talk. In other words NOTHING good can ever come out of guesting on other teams outside the club or even within the club!
> Just my .2 cents from personal experience.


She is soon to be 12,  a 2005 player.   I'll respond to this one since it has 5 good points(even if it is two #4's).  

1 - The coach that keeper trains her would love to have her on his team.  He was open about it.  He also knows she loves her current coach and team.  He is a good trainer, and has introduced her to a college coach that she was able to work with in group training with older girls.  He also wants to see her in game situation so he can tailor his training towards things she needs to work on.  He has been using an 06 keeper from one of his other teams for tourneys.

2 - Some games she only gets 5-10 touches as a keeper, so extra experience before league is nice.  This will be the start of her 2nd full year at keeper.  Also want to see how a big club operates compared to a small club.  So many things happen with current clubs that having more knowledge about the club landscape can't be a bad thing.  

3 - I hope she kills it.   Better to be in high demand.  Then again it seems like girl keepers are that way anyways.

4(first one) - She gets a lot of practice time, but being a keeper doesn't always get a lot of game practice.

4(2nd one) - Spoke with current coach already.  He always wants the best for all the girls,  Probably why we didn't lose a single girl from last year to this year.  He understands that she also plays basketball, and that we may miss the occasional practice to that.  He also knows we love the team, and that our current team always comes first.  He also lets other players guest with us.

Thanks everyone for all your responses.   Nice range to them.


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## Mystery Train (Jul 20, 2017)

socalkdg said:


> 3 - I hope she kills it. Better to be in high demand. Then again it seems like girl keepers are that way anyways.


This x 1000.


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## cheaper2keeper (Jul 20, 2017)

Grace T. said:


> My sons a GK too.  Would anyone mind giving me the 411 about guesting for future reference....what are the rules of eligibility?  how do you find teams that need a guest?  When do kids generally start guesting?


My DD has been guesting since u8. The general rule I've adhered to (introduced to my be her coach at the time) is to not guest with a team in a situation that would help that team get future preference over her current team. Meaning you don't help a team win Surf thanksgiving/man city and get the autobid to surf Cup. 

Other than that I try to choose the team furthest from my location. It usually ends up being a smoother weekend as the team parents and coach understands that their team is just to far to recruit her.


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## pewpew (Jul 20, 2017)

@sandshark ....100% disagree that NOTHING good comes from guesting. Especially for a GK. If you look here in the forums you'll see they are needed all the time for a tournament because a team needs a fill-in due to illness, injury, availability, etc. 
The extra exposure and experience can pay off down the road. 
Not every player/parent is looking for greener pastures, nor is every coach looking to poach. 
We have 100% support from our coach to guest. He just wants to be kept in the loop. And our team comes FIRST. Even if it's one scrimmage vs a tournament guesting elsewhere. We skip guesting if our team has something planned. 
My .02 from personal experience.


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## Multi Sport (Jul 20, 2017)

sandshark said:


> Nothing good comes from guesting on other teams. #1 There is always a underlying reason another coach is asking #2 There is no reason to unless you are looking at other options down the road #3 If she kills it the team players, parents and coach will then start asking her to play for them. #4 They all get enough playing time and practice on their own teams #4 Her current team catches wind of this and its never good sideline talk. In other words NOTHING good can ever come out of guesting on other teams outside the club or even within the club!
> Just my .2 cents from personal experience.


Sorry... gonna disagree. 

1. The opportunity to play in a tournament that your current team either could not get into or did not apply.

2. You've already discussed with both coaches that this is a guesting opportunity for your kid, and that's all.

3. Underlying reason for my kids? To play in Surf Cup and Vegas Cup. In the case of my younger DD she would guest for the coach that had actually cut her from her first club team. 

4. Not all teams play in a lot of tournaments. This was the case of my younger DDs team. Coach had no problem with her guesting as long as I communicated with him.

Now if you try to sneak around, then yea, your likely to create issues. If your coach has a no guesting policy then you knew that going into the season and you need to accept that.


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## SplitSoccerFamMom (Jul 20, 2017)

They either WANT to play soccer or they don't. The desire to play has to overcome the fear. If it doesn't, don't force it. Long term, it will kill their desire. 
I have two girls playing in different age groups so often times one will be in a tourney while the other won't have anything going on, in these cases, my kids and I would rather they play. We try to guest with teams that aren't in the same areas or flights as our current teams so there isn't any conflict of interest. 
I can't see any reason why guesting is hurtful when done correctly. JMO.


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## CaliKlines (Jul 20, 2017)

My player's involvement with guesting was very positive...Her first experience was helping out a team from Seattle that came to Surf minus a few players due to injury, and vacations at U14. Surf has(d) a sign-up for available guests segregated by age group and they contacted us. She did not know the coach or any of the players. We thought she would get 10-15 mins on the pitch, but she ended up starting by Sat morning and playing 90% of the game. It helped her to hear some coaching from someone different, and he ended up providing her with a positive reference on her player profile. Since she did not get any attention from ODP, I thought it would make her profile stand out more to have a recommendation from a coach in Seattle.

She also guested with United FC, a local club, to help them out in a championship game when they lost 2 players to injuries in the semis. It helped her confidence to assimilate with the other players right away, and they ended up winning the championship. Lastly, she guested with a number of teams from within our club that exposed her to some of the other coaches and players in the older age groups. Very positive all around.


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## The Driver (Jul 20, 2017)

If your dds needs convincing 

She might not be ready to Guest Play. Simple


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## tabletop (Jul 20, 2017)

socalkdg said:


> She is soon to be 12,  a 2005 player.   I'll respond to this one since it has 5 good points(even if it is two #4's).
> 
> 1 - The coach that keeper trains her would love to have her on his team.  He was open about it.  He also knows she loves her current coach and team.  He is a good trainer, and has introduced her to a college coach that she was able to work with in group training with older girls.  He also wants to see her in game situation so he can tailor his training towards things she needs to work on.  He has been using an 06 keeper from one of his other teams for tourneys.
> 
> ...


Sandshark made some insightful points, but I wanted to focus on the first point.  From what you've posted it appears as though your daughter's current coach is a winner.  His team had zero turnover from last season and it is probably because your coach is genuinely more concerned with what is in the players best interests rather than his own interests.  If you've found a coach like that, hold on to them with a death grip.

Your daughter's GK trainer has also done some things that could potentially be considered character red flags.  Introducing her to a college coach may seem cool, but it comes off as a sales technique to try to impress you.  He also asked her to guest with his team so he could see her in game action and tailor his training to what she needs to work on.  If that was his true motivation, you might want to ask yourself how many times he has previously passed on opportunities to see her in action with her current team.

As for the differences between a big club & a small club, usually it's just the color of the uniform they are wearing.


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## The Driver (Jul 20, 2017)

She might not be ready to deal with the anxieties she could face being a guest keeper or defender. Find out if her center back or one of her defenders (familiar voice)  can guest play with her. 

Different Mindsets from the last cycle of Unicorns and Stallions. Be careful of the thoughts you allow to enter into the athletic minds of these Unicorns y Stallions.


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## sandshark (Jul 20, 2017)

Mystery Train said:


> Most of these things are true, but I think it depends on how you look at it if it is "good" or "bad."  From the perspective of a coach who has spent his/her time and energy developing and working with players, yeah, all of these things are bad.  But look at it from another perspective:  My kid was perfectly happy playing for her coach/team.  But they were dark for a month and didn't have many tournaments booked.  She guest played for two different clubs.  She returned to her team sharper and more experienced.  Fast forward 18 months, and her club plays musical chairs with the coaches and she is separated from her coach.  Now she gets a coach that was terrible.  The team starts to fall apart and players scatter.  Because of her guesting experience, she knows another coach and team.  They liked her, she likes them.  No need for us to do the try-out-meat-market circuit.  Boom.  Problem solved.  So, I disagree that "NOTHING" good "ever" comes out of guesting.  It was great for us.
> 
> I guess you are a coach, yes?


No I am not a coach.


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## LilStriker (Jul 21, 2017)

Eagle33 said:


> Sounds to me that You want to guest play - not your daughter


I think it's hilarious that you always assume and imply parents are trying to make their kids do things they don't want to do and that's a bad thing... My kid doesn't want to eat his vegetables, wipe his ass, or shower... kids don't always know everything, especially things that don't have an immediate impact/rather long term consequences. Helping them understand that is something called parenting - and we all need help with that now and then.


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## Eagle33 (Jul 21, 2017)

Grace T. said:


> My sons a GK too.  Would anyone mind giving me the 411 about guesting for future reference....what are the rules of eligibility?  how do you find teams that need a guest?  When do kids generally start guesting?





LilStriker said:


> I think it's hilarious that you always assume and imply parents are trying to make their kids do things they don't want to do and that's a bad thing... My kid doesn't want to eat his vegetables, wipe his ass, or shower... kids don't always know everything, especially things that don't have an immediate impact/rather long term consequences. Helping them understand that is something called parenting - and we all need help with that now and then.


You most definitely need help with parenting if you kid still don't want to wipe his own ass.


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## socalkdg (Jul 21, 2017)

tabletop said:


> Sandshark made some insightful points, but I wanted to focus on the first point.  From what you've posted it appears as though your daughter's current coach is a winner.  His team had zero turnover from last season and it is probably because your coach is genuinely more concerned with what is in the players best interests rather than his own interests.  If you've found a coach like that, hold on to them with a death grip.
> 
> Your daughter's GK trainer has also done some things that could potentially be considered character red flags.  Introducing her to a college coach may seem cool, but it comes off as a sales technique to try to impress you.  He also asked her to guest with his team so he could see her in game action and tailor his training to what she needs to work on.  If that was his true motivation, you might want to ask yourself how many times he has previously passed on opportunities to see her in action with her current team.
> 
> As for the differences between a big club & a small club, usually it's just the color of the uniform they are wearing.


We are very happy with the current coaching staff and team, we have been fortunate that everything has went as well as it did.   

I understand where you are coming from with regards to our trainer.  He admitted up front that he would love to have her on his team, so he has never hid anything from us.  He also thinks she can be really good and seems to genuinely want to help her.   The one time he might have been able to see her play was when his teams had games going on.   The college coach training didn't come across as a sales pitch.  Just the hardest workout my daughter ever had.  Because he is familiar with her, his team seems to be the best match for our first dip into guest playing. 

My daughter has decided to play.  I'll probably be more nervous for her than she will be.   Trying to decide what is best for our kids is never easy.

Love your last comment.


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## avh (Jul 21, 2017)

Mystery Train said:


> I guess you are a coach, yes?





sandshark said:


> No I am not a coach.


Hold on a minute!  Isn't it Sandshark who is usually accusing people of "being a coach" when they have a differing opinion.


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## Mystery Train (Jul 21, 2017)

avh said:


> Hold on a minute!  Isn't it Sandshark who is usually accusing people of "being a coach" when they have a differing opinion.


Haha.  Just to be clear, I wasn't "accusing."  It's just that his/her views on guesting mirror those that a coach might have, so I was simply curious.  I respect most coaches by and large, so it isn't an accusation in my mind.


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## LilStriker (Jul 21, 2017)

Eagle33 said:


> You most definitely need help with parenting if you kid still don't want to wipe his own ass.


Well, he's 4 and hell yes I could use some parenting help!


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## The Driver (Jul 21, 2017)

Messi nor Ronaldo shit off themselves on a consistent level until u13... You are on track in terms of world class development.


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## jsmaxwell (Jul 24, 2017)

Eagle33 said:


> You most definitely need help with parenting if you kid still don't want to wipe his own ass.


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## sandshark (Jul 26, 2017)

avh said:


> Hold on a minute!  Isn't it Sandshark who is usually accusing people of "being a coach" when they have a differing opinion.


Oh no, no, no  I have zero issue with anyone having a different view than I do, I actually like that. I just don't like it when some people start twisting the truth around or putting words in my mouth or taking things out of context to get a rise out of me, so when that happens I figure it must be a -Snake Oil Salesman---> coach tactics- ha ha I write and ad my .2 on this site so that I can see others opinions, that is why I am here.


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## coachrefparent (Jul 26, 2017)

sandshark said:


> Oh no, no, no  I have zero issue with anyone having a different view than I do, I actually like that. I just don't like it when some people start twisting the truth around or putting words in my mouth or taking things out of context to get a rise out of me, so when that happens I figure it must be a -Snake Oil Salesman---> coach tactics- ha ha I write and ad my .2 on this site so that I can see others opinions, that is why I am here.


Twenty cents is too much, please keep it to two.


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## sandshark (Jul 26, 2017)




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## coachrefparent (Jul 26, 2017)

sandshark said:


>


Math


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