# Parents-  just shut up



## timbuck (Oct 21, 2017)

Please stop saying "oh she's fine" when a player on another team is on the ground crying. 
She may be "fine". Or she may have just come back from a injury.  
An ACL tear, hamstring pull or elbow to the throat is hard to notice from 65 yards away. 

All that comment is going to do is piss off parents that over hear you.


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## Kicker4Life (Oct 21, 2017)

A little compassion goes a long way!


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## TangoCity (Oct 21, 2017)

timbuck said:


> Please stop saying "oh she's fine" when a player on another team is on the ground crying.
> She may be "fine". Or she may have just come back from a injury.
> An ACL tear, hamstring pull or elbow to the throat is hard to notice from 65 yards away.
> 
> All that comment is going to do is piss off parents that over hear you.


Agree.  And parents, quit calling/screaming out the referee is racist just because the ref is the same race as the other team and not the same as yours and made a couple calls you don't agree with.


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## Calisoccer11 (Oct 21, 2017)

TangoCity said:


> Agree.  And parents, quit calling/screaming out the referee is racist just because the ref is the same race as the other team and not the same as yours and made a couple calls you don't agree with.


All of this!  And yes,please have some compassion when another player gets hurt!!


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## ballme (Oct 21, 2017)

And implying or outright saying the other players are faking it or being overly dramatic.  Sometimes they are but just like asking a person if she is pregnant - you don’t want to be wrong.



timbuck said:


> Please stop saying "oh she's fine" when a player on another team is on the ground crying.
> She may be "fine". Or she may have just come back from a injury.
> An ACL tear, hamstring pull or elbow to the throat is hard to notice from 65 yards away.
> 
> All that comment is going to do is piss off parents that over hear you.


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## BigSoccer (Oct 21, 2017)

Bad weekend for socal soccer.  Saw a u little fight, saw a parent fight, saw older take swings at each other, saw parents scream and swear at other teams kids, saw a parent call an injured player a faker,  and saw that kids parent wanting to fight, saw a ref get swore at by a 16yr old....
Oh wait it is just soccer Saturday.  Sometimes I think we lose sight that this is a game for fun for our kids.


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## a player (Oct 22, 2017)

Can't remember where I saw a sign before--but I remember it.
Please remember in our league:
These are kids -no matter how old they are
It's a just game
The referees are human
And it is NOT the World Cup!


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## Justafan (Oct 22, 2017)

BigSoccer said:


> Bad weekend for socal soccer.  Saw a u little fight, saw a parent fight, saw older take swings at each other, saw parents scream and swear at other teams kids, saw a parent call an injured player a faker,  and saw that kids parent wanting to fight, saw a ref get swore at by a 16yr old....
> Oh wait it is just soccer Saturday.  Sometimes I think we lose sight that this is a game for fun for our kids.


I hope your a ref.


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## Socal United (Oct 22, 2017)

a player said:


> Can't remember where I saw a sign before--but I remember it.
> Please remember in our league:
> These are kids -no matter how old they are
> It's a just game
> ...


I have that sign up at the rec league that I run as you enter.  I see more people take a picture of it....


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## a player (Oct 22, 2017)

Socal United said:


> I have that sign up at the rec league that I run as you enter.  I see more people take a picture of it....


If it is your sign, it's great.  Doesn't matter if it is a rec league or club league.  Sometime parents forget, the players are just kids--they learn to win and lose--but have fun.


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## BigSoccer (Oct 22, 2017)

Justafan said:


> I hope your a ref.


Not a ref but a parent with two kids who play and had to cross fields to use the bathroom.


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## uburoi (Oct 22, 2017)

Some parents this weekend yelled at the ref for giving the other team the game . He called the same foul over and over and kept falling for it until one team prevailed by baiting the ref . Sometimes it’s hard to shut up.


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## Fact (Oct 22, 2017)

uburoi said:


> Some parents this weekend yelled at the ref for giving the other team the game . He called the same foul over and over and kept falling for it until one team prevailed by baiting the ref . Sometimes it’s hard to shut up.


Another great parent on the sidelines and another reason we don't have enough refs.  If it is hard to shut up, don't go to the game!


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## charlie murphy (Oct 23, 2017)

TangoCity said:


> Agree.  And parents, quit calling/screaming out the referee is racist just because the ref is the same race as the other team and not the same as yours and made a couple calls you don't agree with.


Interesting , I have not heard someone on the sidelines Yelling or Screaming that the ref is racist. Have you seen bias based on race and the ethnicity of the ref?


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## Monkey (Oct 23, 2017)

charlie murphy said:


> Interesting , I have not heard someone on the sidelines Yelling or Screaming that the ref is racist. Have you seen bias based on race and the ethnicity of the ref?


Unfortunately I  have heard it all too often, generally with Hispanic refs "giving the game" to the predominantly Hispanic team and especially when they are playing a predominantly caucasian team from an upper middle class area.


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## timbuck (Oct 23, 2017)

uburoi said:


> Some parents this weekend yelled at the ref for giving the other team the game . He called the same foul over and over and kept falling for it until one team prevailed by baiting the ref . Sometimes it’s hard to shut up.


If he kept calling the same foul over and over again, at least he was consistent.  Was it not a foul?


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## Monkey (Oct 23, 2017)

I am interested in knowing what foul was called.  Great coaches will quickly understand how a ref is going to call a game and have his/her players adjust accordingly.  For example with offsides, if close calls with the players standing close to being side by side with the defender when the ball is kicked is constantly called, a good coach will tell the player to make sure they are a body length behind the defender.  Or if pushing is called the coach might tell his player to keep his hands below his waist.


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## coachrefparent (Oct 23, 2017)

Monkey said:


> Unfortunately I  have heard it all too often, generally with Hispanic refs "giving the game" to the predominantly Hispanic team and especially when they are playing a predominantly caucasian team from an upper middle class area.


Yes. Lots of people get upset when Spanish speaking referees speak in Spanish to Spanish speaking coaches and players, especially the home team. It give a perception of bias/"home town" even if they are just communicating in their most fluent tongue.


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## TangoCity (Oct 23, 2017)

charlie murphy said:


> Interesting , I have not heard someone on the sidelines Yelling or Screaming that the ref is racist. Have you seen bias based on race and the ethnicity of the ref?


I've heard it multiple times.  Once with caucasian ref with caucasian team vs hispanic team and once with hispanic ref with hispanic team vs african american team.  Seems like the lowest of all things to accuse the ref of in front of kids.  Learn to lose gracefully ... at least somewhat gracefully lol.


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## BigSoccer (Oct 23, 2017)

Monkey said:


> Unfortunately I  have heard it all too often, generally with Hispanic refs "giving the game" to the predominantly Hispanic team and especially when they are playing a predominantly caucasian team from an upper middle class area.


Being that I am predominantly caucasian, I am curious how you will tell that I am from an upper middle class area.  I am curious to how you would see my son or daughter other than a soccer player if they were on the field not knowing anything about my family.  I get there is ethnicity but defining income into how a team or sidelines act is out of my strata.  There are good and bad sidelines not specifically determined by race.  I hear latin parents yelling at latin refs and I hear caucasian parents yelling a caucasian refs.  I see mom's yelling at women refs.. a yeller will be a yeller.  

In regards to speaking spanish to players or coaches it is understandable but with that said the conversation should be translated to the non-spanish speaking coach so he knows the instruction given.  Last year our coach was red carded for asking translation and when the ref told him "the conversation was not for you" by the ref our coach responded "how do I know what not to do if you won't direct me as well."   The ref immediately red carded the coach.   I can see that point as well.


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## charlie murphy (Oct 23, 2017)

I believe that there is inherent bias based on what one knows. ( bias not racism)  If you are a European  ref  than growing up watching premier league you likely ref a game with a bias to that style of refing. If Spanish you likely ref to that bias . If Mexican you likely ref to that bias. The conflict arises when ones' biases do not match another's expectations or when one's biases play to one's strengths. The rules of soccer allow this as the LOG allow for ref latitude in interpretation ( foul , handball, this play out rule, card / no card etc. ).  I think the inconsistence in refing seen week in week out also plays a role in sideline frustrations. It is interesting to watch a game with a ref near. You get an earful of contrast and also of affirmation, and  the game given to different view  would be completely different in most aspects of the game.   Just watch an  tightly refed game with a Hispanic sideline , they will  go crazy " common ref let them play" . Just watch a loosely refed game work up a Caucasian sideline ( that may be upper / middle / or lower class -- socioeconomically ) they go crazy.  ( "common ref what about a card" ) It is a bias both ways as ref , coach, player, parent. Maybe as a league ( CSL /SCDL) there needs to be some instruction given to the ref crews so that the other moving parts of the game see so  consistency and all know what's up and what to expect.


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## Eagle33 (Oct 23, 2017)

charlie murphy said:


> I believe that there is inherent bias based on what one knows. ( bias not racism)  If you are a European  ref  than growing up watching premier league you likely ref a game with a bias to that style of refing. If Spanish you likely ref to that bias . If Mexican you likely ref to that bias. The conflict arises when ones' biases do not match another's expectations or when one's biases play to one's strengths. The rules of soccer allow this as the LOG allow for ref latitude in interpretation ( foul , handball, this play out rule, card / no card etc. ).  I think the inconsistence in refing seen week in week out also plays a role in sideline frustrations. It is interesting to watch a game with a ref near. You get an earful of contrast and also of affirmation, and  the game given to different view  would be completely different in most aspects of the game.   Just watch an  tightly refed game with a Hispanic sideline , they will  go crazy " common ref let them play" . Just watch a loosely refed game work up a Caucasian sideline ( that may be upper / middle / or lower class -- socioeconomically ) they go crazy.  ( "common ref what about a card" ) It is a bias both ways as ref , coach, player, parent. Maybe as a league ( CSL /SCDL) there needs to be some instruction given to the ref crews so that the other moving parts of the game see so  consistency and all know what's up and what to expect.


It would never work, although it would be nice. Referees are humans, some are great and some are a-holes, just like coaches, players and parents. Consistency will never happen.


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## charlie murphy (Oct 23, 2017)

coachrefparent said:


> Yes. Lots of people get upset when Spanish speaking referees speak in Spanish to Spanish speaking coaches and players, especially the home team. It give a perception of bias/"home town" even if they are just communicating in their most fluent tongue.


how does the ref know "their most fluent tongue" . The ref has not done that for my plays and the ref to my knowledge has never asked that question of any of the players or coach on my team. Is the U17 world cup ref speaking Iranian to the U17 Iranian team ...... I bet not.


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## Q10 (Oct 23, 2017)

charlie murphy said:


> how does the ref know "their most fluent tongue" . The ref has not done that for my plays and the ref to my knowledge has never asked that question of any of the players or coach on my team. Is the U17 world cup ref speaking Iranian to the U17 Iranian team ...... I bet not.


Iranian? Maybe Persian or Farsi...


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## coachrefparent (Oct 23, 2017)

charlie murphy said:


> how does the ref know "their most fluent tongue" . The ref has not done that for my plays and the ref to my knowledge has never asked that question of any of the players or coach on my team. Is the U17 world cup ref speaking Iranian to the U17 Iranian team ...... I bet not.


You're kidding right? How does the clerk in a store start speaking Spanish to a customer without asking "what is your most fluent tongue"? Humans have a knack for this sort of thing.


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## Surfref (Oct 23, 2017)

Monkey said:


> Unfortunately I  have heard it all too often, generally with Hispanic refs "giving the game" to the predominantly Hispanic team and especially when they are playing a predominantly caucasian team from an upper middle class area.


So you are assuming that all Hispanic refs are from the ghetto?  I know pasty white guys that are barely living above the poverty level and Hispanic refs that are filthy rich.


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## coachrefparent (Oct 23, 2017)

Surfref said:


> So you are assuming that all Hispanic refs are from the ghetto?  I know pasty white guys that are barely living above the poverty level and Hispanic refs that are filthy rich.


Who said that? He didn't say the hispanic teams were poor, he said he has seen upper middle class whites accuse them of being racist. Which of course is pure irony.


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## 46n2 (Oct 23, 2017)

Parents are the problem not the kids.  My wife wears ear buds cause she cant handle listening to them anymore.  Almost every Club and League has the same issues, it has nothing to do with skill or race or refs, its these parents , plain and simple .  If you can watch a game and throw out some confidence to your kid , good for you, but if you say more than that (NEGATIVIY) especially to the other team, remember that WE are all thinking about what type of STUPID you are.
Its the kids playing the game NOT you........


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## BigSoccer (Oct 23, 2017)

Here is a basic rule.  If you are not positive just don't be negative.  If you would not want what you said about the other teams players or injured player, said about your players or your child you probably shouldn't say it at all.  Picture yourself in the refs shoes with you kids watching your ref.  No picture your kids reactions as the sidelines say pretty crappy stuff about you.   How would your kids feel.  Probably shouldn't say that either.   We all get caught up in emotion but it is still a kids game.   No one dies for losing a league or state cup or DA or alphabet soup game.


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## BarcaLover (Oct 23, 2017)

charlie murphy said:


> I believe that there is inherent bias based on what one knows. ( bias not racism)  If you are a European  ref  than growing up watching premier league you likely ref a game with a bias to that style of refing. If Spanish you likely ref to that bias . If Mexican you likely ref to that bias. The conflict arises when ones' biases do not match another's expectations or when one's biases play to one's strengths. The rules of soccer allow this as the LOG allow for ref latitude in interpretation ( foul , handball, this play out rule, card / no card etc. ).  I think the inconsistence in refing seen week in week out also plays a role in sideline frustrations. It is interesting to watch a game with a ref near. You get an earful of contrast and also of affirmation, and  the game given to different view  would be completely different in most aspects of the game.   Just watch an  tightly refed game with a Hispanic sideline , they will  go crazy " common ref let them play" . Just watch a loosely refed game work up a Caucasian sideline ( that may be upper / middle / or lower class -- socioeconomically ) they go crazy.  ( "common ref what about a card" ) It is a bias both ways as ref , coach, player, parent. Maybe as a league ( CSL /SCDL) there needs to be some instruction given to the ref crews so that the other moving parts of the game see so  consistency and all know what's up and what to expect.


A lot of truth in your post.  

Where people have problems with refs is the consistentcy of the calls.

If you wanna call a tight game...great.  But it needs to be tight both ways.

If you wanna "let em play"....great.  But you better let both teams play.

The players will adapt to the way in which a ref calls a game if it's consistent.  Where things go wrong is when it's called tight in one situation and then it's a bar fight 5 minutes later with no call.

Same with handling.  Some refs call handling ANY time a ball is touched with a hand, regardless of whether it was "hand to ball" or not.  Other refs won't call handling unless the player really makes a deliberate move to handle it.  Either way....just be consistent.

BUT, having said all that....parents should just be quiet on the sideline and encourage the players and applaud good play.  Leave the refs alone.  The parents that constantly ride the refs do not help their cause.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 23, 2017)

46n2 said:


> Parents are the problem not the kids.  My wife wears ear buds cause she cant handle listening to them anymore.  Almost every Club and League has the same issues, it has nothing to do with skill or race or refs, its these parents , plain and simple .  If you can watch a game and throw out some confidence to your kid , good for you, but if you say more than that (NEGATIVIY) especially to the other team, remember that WE are all thinking about what type of STUPID you are.
> Its the kids playing the game NOT you........


I totally agree with you, but are you sure she doesn't wear her ear buds because she can't handle listening to you? LoL. Just messing with you.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 23, 2017)

BigSoccer said:


> Here is a basic rule.  If you are not positive just don't be negative.  If you would not want what you said about the other teams players or injured player, said about your players or your child you probably shouldn't say it at all.  Picture yourself in the refs shoes with you kids watching your ref.  No picture your kids reactions as the sidelines say pretty crappy stuff about you.   How would your kids feel.  Probably shouldn't say that either.   We all get caught up in emotion but it is still a kids game.   No one dies for losing a league or state cup or DA or alphabet soup game.


I kinda look at refs as cops, with all the crap they have to put up with day in and day out, it isn't any wonder they have an attitude.


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## Monkey (Oct 23, 2017)

Surfref said:


> So you are assuming that all Hispanic refs are from the ghetto?  I know pasty white guys that are barely living above the poverty level and Hispanic refs that are filthy rich.


I never made any reference to were the refs were from or their socioeconomic status.  How would I know that unless I followed them home and asked from the taxes?

I am just stating where I have personally witnessed this bs.  If
you want me to be specific, I have heard it most often south of the I-8 when the Caucasian team is from north of the 8. Albion, Impact, Surf (years ago), Carlsbad parents complaining that the game is fixed because the ref is speaking Spanish to the players and feeling that every call is against them.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 23, 2017)

Monkey said:


> I never made any reference to were the refs were from or their socioeconomic status.  How would I know that unless I followed them home and asked from the taxes?
> 
> I am just stating where I have personally witnessed this bs.  If
> you want me to be specific, I have heard it most often south of the I-8 when the Caucasian team is from north of the 8. Albion, Impact, Surf (years ago), Carlsbad parents complaining that the game is fixed because the ref is speaking Spanish to the players and feeling that every call is against them.


It is a little unsettling to me when the refs are speaking Spanish.


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## JoeBieber (Oct 23, 2017)

https://streamable.com/rw3oe


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## Monkey (Oct 23, 2017)

Sheriff Joe said:


> It is a little unsettling to me when the refs are speaking Spanish.


Then learn Spanish so you know what they are saying.  My kids love it, especially when they were younger because it gave them a chance to practice the language.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 23, 2017)

Monkey said:


> Then learn Spanish so you know what they are saying.  My kids love it, especially when they were younger because it gave them a chance to practice the language.


Well that's not going to happen, let them learn English.


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## Monkey (Oct 23, 2017)

Sheriff Joe said:


> Well that's not going to happen, let them learn English.


How did I know you were going to say that.  We occasional travel
to Spanish speaking countries and like to understand what is going on.

Plus on the one occasion where the ref was truly biased and speaking negatively to the other team about the "white boys" it was awesome when the black kid on the white boy team and the black coach were able to give the ref an ear full in fluent Spanish.  The look on the ref was priceless.  And yes that was at the Aztecs.


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## charlie murphy (Oct 23, 2017)

coachrefparent said:


> You're kidding right? How does the clerk in a store start speaking Spanish to a customer without asking "what is your most fluent tongue"? Humans have a knack for this sort of thing.


What you are asserting as acceptable in some circles,  that's called " profiling".  Yeah they do in fact, the clerk does start speaking Spanish without resecting what ones' chosen language is. No kidding.


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## coachrefparent (Oct 23, 2017)

Monkey said:


> Then learn Spanish so you know what they are saying.  My kids love it, especially when they were younger because it gave them a chance to practice the language.





Monkey said:


> How did I know you were going to say that.  We occasional travel
> to Spanish speaking countries and like to understand what is going on.
> 
> Plus on the one occasion where the ref was truly biased and speaking negatively to the other team about the "white boys" it was awesome when the black kid on the white boy team and the black coach were able to give the ref an ear full in fluent Spanish.  The look on the ref was priceless.  And yes that was at the Aztecs.


So apparently you have 2 different profiles but you screwed up and answered (yourself) with the same one? This place is crazy.


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## Monkey (Oct 23, 2017)

coachrefparent said:


> So apparently you have 2 different profiles but you screwed up and answered (yourself) with the same one? This place is crazy.


I thought I was answering Joe and there is no way in hell that I am that crazy (no offense Joe-crazy only in the good sense of the word.)
Screwed up is reading way too much into a post.


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## coachrefparent (Oct 23, 2017)

Monkey said:


> I thought I was answering Joe and there is no way in hell that I am that crazy (no offense Joe-crazy only in the good sense of the word.)
> Screwed up is reading way too much into a post.


When you don't hit reply its hard to tell who/what you are responding to, hence the reply button. I must have that cretin blocked.


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## socalkdg (Oct 24, 2017)

Monkey said:


> Unfortunately I  have heard it all too often, generally with Hispanic refs "giving the game" to the predominantly Hispanic team and especially when they are playing a predominantly caucasian team from an upper middle class area.


Every team we have played has been diverse.  One of the great things about So Cal and soccer.  People of all races playing together, watching together, and hopefully having fun together.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 24, 2017)

*Census: 44.6% in California Don't Speak English at Home...*


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## MyDaughtersAKeeper (Oct 24, 2017)

Sheriff Joe said:


> *Census: 44.6% in California Don't Speak English at Home...*


Census: 55.4% in California need an English refresher course (me included)...  

PS  It was a very informal census.


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