# Am I done already???



## snowteller (Jul 12, 2017)

Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your input.


I am 15 years old and seem to be at a crossroads for my soccer. I don't know what to do or how to approach this.


I play Academy soccer for a coach that has had professional experience as a coach and as a player.  He teaches us the game from a different standpoint and we have lost games as long as we have learned the lesson.  He has access to college coaches which we have met and seems to know what he is talking about.  I have met a lot of former players that left him with scholarships. I have parents that support me in everything i try.  I have more equipment then I will ever need.


The thing is that I now have myself a little thing with a girlfriend (nothing serious).  I know that I am not traing as hard as I should.  I am doing things that distract me from what I thought was my goal.  Im not working as hard as I should and I am getting by on some skill and a lot of potential.  Its not fair to my coach, teammates or my parents if im not giving it my all.


1) Am I done as a soccer player? If i see this as it happens, is there a chance i can fix it?


2) What choice would you make?  Im not saying Im going pro or anything, but I know there is a really good chance for a scholarship if I stay on course.


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## NumberTen (Jul 12, 2017)

I have a boy your age and similar soccer situation so I will tell you what I would tell them.  Stay away from the ladies, especially at your age.  You have no frame of reference to judge what your life could be or what could happen if you make mistakes at only 15-18 years old.  Women at your age will only distract and derail you.   You are just coming into the time that you really start to develop into a man and no one knows where that will end up.  Your soccer potential is unlimited if you focus and put in the work.  One thing is for sure though, a woman will end it for you.  No matter what you think or hope for, experience says that you will lose.  If soccer is really something that you think you can do in college, it may be your ticket to a free or at least partially subsidized education.  
Hopefully you can talk to your parents about this, but I recognize the value of different opinions.  Ask your dad or coach.  the quick answers to your questions:
1.  Definitely not.
2.  Drop the girl and focus on yourself.


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## cabcon (Jul 12, 2017)

If your good, you will get a scholarship regardless of where you play. Don't ever think you have to put all your eggs in one basket either; the more you network the better off you will be. You will have times of ups' and downs' especially in DA- Very long season. I tell you this, *Go be 15 years old* and have fun, make friends, go to school and get involved there too. The rest will work itself out.


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## El Clasico (Jul 12, 2017)

snowteller, you may want to let your son figure some of these things out for himself.  Part of growing up is having to make some tough decisions and live with the consequences.  Guide them? Nurture them? Sure, but young men and women have to take the lead in their own destiny with the understanding that they will make plenty of mistakes along the way.


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## younothat (Jul 12, 2017)

You're still developing and have many choices, but good for your for thinking about the bigger picture and showing some maturity at this point in your life.

Not really an all or nothing type decision.  The older you get the more distractions there will be, comes down to priorities and what you want the most in life?

USSDA soccer is very demanding of your time with the 3-4 practices a week, games on the weekend, 10+ month long season.
_
If your heart and dedication is not into that any longer like you say, consider a change.  _ Maybe something less demanding like regular club or HS soccer.

I've always told my kids to play for the love of the game and there not out there to earn scholarships, impress anybody or anytime like that.

You're only (15) a teen once so having some fun, enjoying life, girls, hanging out with friends, life experiences are important as is your education which should be your #1 priority IMO.  

Playing soccer is just one small aspect of your life so try not to let that dedicate who you are or what you do with your life.  Own it and you will know what to do.  Good luck


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## Tomnchar (Jul 12, 2017)

It's great that you have supportive parents who I'm sure love you very much. You should sit down with them and talk this through. They know you best and I'm sure will provide you good advice. 

That being said, you are going to have many situations like this in your life where you are going to have to balance competing priorities. I think it's great that you feel comfortable to reach out to others to gain perspective. I may not be the best person to give you soccer college advice as I don't have a child in college yet but I have attended college. Just keep in mind that there are several ways to go to college. There are also several ways to get a scholarship even within soccer. Academy is  it the only way. Many people go to college without a scholarship. So there are many options to explore. I would suggest doing a little research to get as many facts as you can, doing a little soul searching and sitting down with your parents to chat.


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## Anomaly (Jul 12, 2017)

My kid went through the same thing at 16. She felt burnt out, unmotivated, uninspired, and downright frustrated because she couldn't understand why she didn't have the passion anymore for the one thing she loved her entire life. She was committed to a D1 school, had things figured out, and still felt the same things you are feeling.

She realized her problem was the fact her whole identity was soccer. It's normal to have something you love become a large part of who you are, but when you let it consume you is when you run into issues. You have to create two versions of yourself and understand the time and place for both. You have the soccer version, and the everyday kid version. You must realize you are more than your sport and that a little bit of distance from it is healthy. Focusing on your goals is still necessary, do not get me wrong. But like everything in life, you need balance. Pick up another hobby that doesn't take up too much time. Read. Learn about life. Hang out with friends every once in a while. Make mistakes and learn from them. If you want to have a relationship, make sure there is a mutual understanding that you're still kids and have things in life you need to focus on. I promise you, it gets easier for you, your family, your friends, and your coaches when you have clear eyes and a full heart. _Clear eyes, full heart, can't lose.
_
After going through the rough patch, my daughter committed to a different D1 school, found external hobbies (drums, guitar, photography, etc.), and is more motivated than ever to be the best she can be.

Life will be full of times where everything feels wrong, and there seems like no way to make things right. You have to push through, gain a new perspective, and thrive. What you truly want to do in life will surface. Just give it time.


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## Buddhabman (Jul 12, 2017)

First of all, I would say that is pretty mature of you to come to this forum and and ask such a pertinent question that many kids and their parents may struggle with. So Thanks for bringing up the topic.  Secondly I applaud your self awareness and, introspection. It's an important step to evaluate yourself,  recognize within yourself what is changed and maybe start the efforts to make change.  Good steps for positive improvements in life. 

You are a teenager, girls, boys, relationships, friendships, school, phones, video games, social media all take time out of your day.  All of this is normal and natural.  You recognize that you may not be training as hard or working as hard. Training intensity and passion can go through cycles and go through lulls.  Are you bored, with the training from your coaches?  Are you just beat up and sore?  Do you have more time in your day or week where you could train, run, juggle, shoot, 1000 touches, but decide not to?  And I am talking you are at home for a few hours, played video games, trash talked your buddies  , talked to your special one, raided the fridge but are still bored on what to do.   When you say you are not working hard, do you find yourself last in line in those group runs or sprints, are you missing touches that you normally get? Finding yourself a  little flat footed and not reacting during  games?   

Is soccer your favorite sport? If you had a chance to play pick up games would you do it everyday at anytime?  Do you want to get a scholarship, do you need to get a scholarship?   If the answers are yes. and then if you are willing, then Hell NO, you are not done and Hell YES you can fix it. You can get your mojo back.  So how do you start to work/train harder?   

Start simple. Work a bit harder at practice. When you are group running always be near or at the front. If you have more gas, push your squad make them keep up. If you are doing common drills make sure your technique and touch is on, especially on those bouncy or hard balls. If your struggling have your teammates hit you some harder balls or bouncy balls.  If you are doing ladders push yourself on those taps.  If you are in the middle really press during foursquare drills, get your body on some body. If you are having issues with your shot, dial back the power but work on your foot connection to ball and follow through.  In your off time decide it you want to put some extra time in 15min here, 30 minutes there to juggle, 1000 touches, run a mile or two.  Call a teammate to train.   

Finally, you are a kid. Unless your Club is particularly strict, in the off season take some time away.  If you want to go to an event that might conflict with a scrimmage, talk to your parents, talk to your coach and teammates about taking time off for an event. Enjoy and recharge. Things may be different for the season, there you have an commitment , unless it conflicts with a mandatory school, or personal matter, you probably should be at practices and games.   Work your butt of at practice to ensure you have your teammates and coaches respect. Game respects Game


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## timbuck (Jul 12, 2017)

snowteller said:


> Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your input.
> 
> 
> I am 15 years old and seem to be at a crossroads for my soccer. I don't know what to do or how to approach this.
> ...



How long have you played for this coach?
Has he done anything to break up the monotony?  Bring in a guest coach.  Do something completely unrelated to soccer. Etc.

Have you played for other coaches?
How does your current coach compare to these coaches?  Is he tougher?  Easier?  Unfair?  Boring?  Too much fun.  Too much work.

How much time are you spending in a car each week to and from practices and games?
What position do you play?  How long have you played this position?
Sometimes a change of your view on the field can ignite you again.  Either to let you know that where you were playing is the best.  Or that you like something new.

Have you ever played any other sports? (Even just as a pick up game of soccer, basketball or touch football).
Playing just for the sake of playing can mix things up.  Call your buddies.  Call some soccer player girls that you know.  Grab a ball and just go play until you are tired.

Has your team had any breaks?  What did you do on those breaks?
I know a lot of players (and their parents) that see a "break" as a time to train harder with a private trainer.  Or guest with other teams.  You want to stay fit during a break, but this should be a time to step away from the soccer ball for a few days a week.  When you come back from your break, your touch might be a little bit off, but you will be rested and should be excited to get back on the field.

Are you getting adequate playing time during games?
It sucks to watch soccer when you want to play soccer.

Why aren't you giving it your all?  Is it possible that you have an injury or an illness that is sucking your energy?  (Look up Michelle Akers).  At the age of 15, you may be experiencing a growth sport which can make you extremely tired.
Good luck.  You've gotten some good advice from other posters.  Life is all about priorities and balance. At the age of 15, you should make sure you are having a little bit of fun during the summer.


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## jrcaesar (Jul 12, 2017)

"Snowteller," before you print out these replies to your kid, maybe the first discussion to have with your son is whether he actually wants to play soccer in college (since you mentioned scholarship). Your kid's 15 and you are asking him to commit to 7-8 more years of playing soccer? That might be the distraction he's having, not the girlfriend.
_
* - apologies if it's actually a teen who wrote and posted, but it reads like someone trying to write as one (capitalization is usually a giveaway)_


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## mirage (Jul 12, 2017)

snowteller said:


> Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your input.
> 
> 
> I am 15 years old and .....now have myself a little thing with a girlfriend (nothing serious).  I know that I am not traing as hard as I should.  I am doing things that distract me from what I thought was my goal.  Im not working as hard as I should and I am getting by on some skill and a lot of potential.  Its not fair to my coach, teammates or my parents if im not giving it my all.
> ...


Is this some fictitious story made up for the purpose of getting the two questions answered for some survey or report?  If not my sincere apology.

While I appreciate all the serious responses from fellow forum users, I cannot help but to think no real kid 15 that plays DA (and have been playing) would have this dilemma just because "got a girlfriend" - givemeabreak....  

I do know of a kid who quit DA because he got a girl pregnant at this age but that's a long ways from just having a girlfriend.

Just in case its real, here are my responses to your two questions:
1) If you are serious soccer player and cannot make it work - your done.  C'est la vie as the saying goes. Give up your roster spot to someone who can and go play club/rec or none at all.  If you don't like that answer see below how to correct and make it work.

2) Dump the girlfriend.  I've told my kids girlfriends are dream killers at this age (sorry ladies, its just an expression in this particular context, and not meant to insult or slander girls/women).  Remove the distraction 

As for scholarships, if that's the reason you're playing soccer quit now and keep the girlfriend.  Go let normal life happen to you.  One should always look for scholarship as a windfall and not the primary reason to play soccer.

If my responses appear rather digital and cut and dry, well, perhaps I cannot get past the whole setup of this thread.  Stop whining and just deal with it  Again, sorry.

In either case, good luck getting your answers.


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## SoccerFan4Life (Jul 12, 2017)

I think it's real. Remember that when we were all teenagers, it was all about friends and dating.  Huge decisions back then seem like no big deal when we grew up.   I know of kids  on my son's team who quit soccer to spend time with friends, or got involved with drugs or a girlfriend.   Heck I have friends who's kids quit soccer right when colleges were calling them to offer scholarships. 

My advise is to keep the girlfriend but set limits. Tell her that you can only see her certain days during the week.   You never know if this girl will still be around 6 months from now.  Focus on soccer if you love it or like it. Nothing is free in this world and if you can get scholarships, you will be ahead than most college kids that graduate with tons of debt.    Besides, if you go to a college, you will find a sea of girls interested in dating college athletes [/QUOTE]


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## NoGoal (Jul 12, 2017)

SoccerFan4Life said:


> I think it's real. Remember that when we were all teenagers, it was all about friends and dating.  Huge decisions back then seem like no big deal when we grew up.   I know of kids  on my son's team who quit soccer to spend time with friends, or got involved with drugs or a girlfriend.   Heck I have friends who's kids quit soccer right when colleges were calling them to offer scholarships.
> 
> My advise is to keep the girlfriend but set limits. Tell her that you can only see her certain days during the week.   You never know if this girl will still be around 6 months from now.  Focus on soccer if you love it or like it. Nothing is free in this world and if you can get scholarships, you will be ahead than most college kids that graduate with tons of debt.    Besides, if you go to a college, you will find a sea of girls interested in dating college athletes


You are right nothing is free and an athletic scholarship isn't free either.  Consider it a good paying 20-29 hour a week part-time job, depending on the scholarship offer.  Lifting weights or conditioning in the morning for almost 2 hours, then training later in the day after class for 2 hours. Then of course the travel and games from Wednesday to Sunday during the season.


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## SoccerFan4Life (Jul 12, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> You are right nothing is free and an athletic scholarship isn't free either.  Consider it a good paying 20-29 hour a week part-time job, depending on the scholarship offer.  Lifting weights or conditioning in the morning for almost 2 hours, then training later in the day after class for 2 hours. Then of course the travel and games from Wednesday to Sunday during the season.


NoGoal is right, you must LOVE Soccer to determine if you want to do this in college.  The one thing that I would add to NoGoal's comments is the other option.  Unless your parents are rich, the other option is...  No soccer, but taking a part time job 15 to 30 hours a week making $9-$12 an hour to pay the bills.   Either way, kids need to realize that life is tough and you have to work to earn it either on the field or on the job.  Good luck too you kid.  Just remember that chances are the girlfriend you have now will not be around in a few years.


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## zebrafish (Jul 12, 2017)

snowteller said:


> 1) Am I done as a soccer player? If i see this as it happens, is there a chance i can fix it?
> 2) What choice would you make?  Im not saying Im going pro or anything, but I know there is a really good chance for a scholarship if I stay on course.


In the end, the choice is yours to make. It is your life. You sound like you have great supportive parents, so hopefully they understand and support you with whatever you decide.

I think it is important to have balance in life. One needs to be happy. One needs to decompress at times. There is more to life than soccer. I wonder if that is true for many on this message board at times.

I would not listen to anyone who says, "drop the girlfriend".  Are you kidding me?!

As a kid, I played another sport in the way many kids like yourself now play soccer. Meaning, playing all year round multiple days per week. I played this sport in college. It was a great experience for me. However, when I got to the end of college, playing was no longer fun-- it was wrapped up in pressure and I'd just done it too long and with too much intensity to enjoy it any more. I'd reached the end of that road. Now, I also played soccer from age 10 to age 35-ish. It was always fun. I only stopped because my body couldn't take it any more. But I always played soccer for fun.

So-- no one on here can tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Keep going? Take a break? Stop all together? Whatever you decide, do it for your own reasons. I think there are times for all serious athletes where they hit a rough patch-- and that can last weeks or even months-- especially in today's world where kids are playing all year round w/o breaks. Your feelings might be temporary. They might not. There is a point for all of us where we stop doing particular sports and other things-- all for different reasons. But in life, it is always nice to keep doors open rather than shut them. Sometimes, you do need to walk away from things either by choice or necessity.

I can say that there are certainly other ways to get through college than with a soccer scholarship. But don't worry too much about it. You have a long life ahead of you no matter what you decide! Good luck!


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## snowteller (Jul 12, 2017)

Thanks all for the responses.

I guess part of the problem is that I see what it is costing.  My dad and step mom are always doing for soccer with me. She basically changes her schedule around mine.  And this type of commitment is a lot, maybe more then I deserve. I am at practice 4 days a week.  And for some reason I don't feel like I use to.

I was a midfielder but moved up to wing.  I have scored 2 goals in 3 years but have a lot of assist. The biggest upside to me is that I try  hard and physically speaking I'm bigger that a lot of players. Weave won tournaments we weren't supposed to. It is a solid team. I don't think they are not the problem

I will be going back home to California for some fishing....that might help.  I actually told the girl I wasn't ready for anything right now, and that I need to go back home. I might pick up some pick up games (Upland area) Thanks everyone. I just wanted to talk to people who like the same things without hearing the typical dumb internet comments. I'm in Colorado now but hope I can still be allowed to post here.


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## LilStriker (Jul 13, 2017)

All I can say is this... having been one of those kids who got burnt out and threw a lot away - not having balance and just having constant pressure to perform can easily suck the fun out of anything - even things you love. So like other posters said, do take some regular time off for friends - non-soccer stuff. BUT, don't lose sight of the big picture - this decisions you make now and the investments you make now can have a tremendous impact on the opportunities you are presented with and quality of life you'll have the rest of your life. You've got 3 more years of high school and 4-8 more years of college/grad school at most (if you become a doctor, add another 3-4)... that is 15 years at most. The big picture is God willing you'll probably live at least until 80. That's 50 years of living with the choices you make during these next 15 and that can be a fun 50 living your dreams or struggling to get by 50.

7-15 years in the meantime is certainly a long time, so you'll definitely need to pace yourself and find balance along the way. Have fun, make time for friends, but set limits and stick to them, not forgetting the big picture and the things that will contribute to your long term success. Those limits, also known as discipline, will serve you very well the rest of your life regardless of what career, relationship, endeavor you pursue.


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## Mystery Train (Jul 13, 2017)

Talk to your parents.  Tell them everything that you posted here.  If they truly support you the way you say, you'll get far more from them than any of us strangers on the forum.  Trust me, as a parent, it would break my heart to know that my child was feeling doubtful about their path and "undeserving" of what I'm providing and was not talking to me about those feelings.


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## JJP (Jul 16, 2017)

Soccer is a game and it sounds like DA and other things have burned out your love for the game.  Take a break, play pickup and have fun, rediscover your love for the game.

If you are playing soccer without love for the game, then it has become a non-paying job, and that never works out.

I would lose the girl.  There's only so much time and energy.  In high school that time and energy should go into studies and sports.


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