# Parents on Coaches Sidelines



## OCsoccerdad7777 (Mar 7, 2017)

Was wondering if anyone had been a part of a club team that had a parent or parents sit on the bench with the coach during the games and practices. 

Seems like a conflict of interest especially since they are giving input during games.

Nice people but I didn't like it at all.


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## soccerchaffeur (Mar 7, 2017)

No quality, club coach would ever put up with that.  There should be 1 voice on that sideline.  If I was a coach, I wouldn't want parents on my side of the field let alone on my bench.  This is one HUGE advantage I see for SCDSL over Coast.
My youngest daughter is an '08 and this weekend they played a team who had a daddy/manager on the bench cheer leading the entire match. He was most certainly a distraction, and those girls didn't know who to listen to.


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## Sons of Pitches (Mar 7, 2017)

I respectfully disagree with soccerchaffeur. I agree that there should be One Voice, however I do not think this is a CSL vs SCDSL discussion, hell it is not even a discussion of SCDSL vs AYSO.    

A well run program regardless of affiliation -  AYSO, SCDSL, or CSL, if parents are seated on the same side of the field as the team, should sit between the 18 yard box and coaches technical area.  If your team bench is centered in the field this gives the coach 10 yards on either side of the bench, and helps prevent parents from distracting the goalie. Simple rule, easily enforceable.


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## espola (Mar 7, 2017)

I got my lesson early when I said "Quickly, quickly" to one of our players when it was our throwin.  The coach turned to me and said quietly "I'll coach".  I got my license after an event where our coach was tossed before the game started, and the manager who knew nothing about the game but was the only other licensed adult available had to take over.  I sat behind her, answering her questions and making suggestions.

Eventually I matured into a proper assistant - water boy, first aid, stats, spare socks and jerseys, etc, and kept my mouth shut.  The only time the last coach barked at me was when I walked in front of his chair during a game with my stats logbook in hand and blocked his view.


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## TangoCity (Mar 7, 2017)

espola said:


> I got my lesson early when I said "Quickly, quickly" to one of our players when it was our throwin.  The coach turned to me and said quietly "I'll coach".  I got my license after an event where our coach was tossed before the game started, and the manager who knew nothing about the game but was the only other licensed adult available had to take over.  I sat behind her, answering her questions and making suggestions.
> 
> Eventually I matured into a proper assistant - water boy, first aid, stats, spare socks and jerseys, etc, and kept my mouth shut.  The only time the last coach barked at me was when I walked in front of his chair during a game with my stats logbook in hand and blocked his view.


Most effective way for a coach to get a "problem" parent to stop coaching is to have them keep stats or video tape them game.


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## OCsoccerdad7777 (Mar 7, 2017)

Yeah. Was a flight 1 team too scdsl.
Our players sit on the other side of field from parents. The coach pretty much welcomed that person to stay there with him helping make decisions, etc. for the whole season and in practices.

Was not an issue of a parent coaching from the parent sidelines.
Was just strange


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## Bananacorner (Mar 7, 2017)

I don't like the parent coach idea one bit.  We left 3 clubs when my DD was very young because of this very issue.  In one situation I told the coach that I didn't think the parent was an appropriate coach, but still the coach had this person running practices, and sitting on the team sidelines at games. Coach was just too lazy to work with his players and the parent was very willing. This parent always wanted to play in the drills with the girls and score lots of goals on them.  Pathetic.  We left.

 In another situation the parent kept getting angry at 2-3 of the better players (who played more than her daughter, hmmm?), and at one point elbowed a 9-year old girl in the face while taking her on one-on-one in a drill that should have been kids only.  Another parent "wanna be." 

The last example wasn't the parent's fault -- they coach didn't show up to a game, so the parent had to step up.  But we still left.  It isn't right -- you pay the coach to be a coach.  Waste of money to pay the coach to find a parent to do his/her job.  And only a matter of time before tensions run high with a parent coach and competitive kids/parents -- every time we have had a parent coach seems suddenly their child is a starter and is playing in a coveted position, like striker.

This was a few years ago, but none of these were rec teams, we are talking typical club, mid- to mid/top- level teams.


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## espola (Mar 7, 2017)

OCsoccerdad7777 said:


> Yeah. Was a flight 1 team too scdsl.
> Our players sit on the other side of field from parents. The coach pretty much welcomed that person to stay there with him helping make decisions, etc. for the whole season and in practices.
> 
> Was not an issue of a parent coaching from the parent sidelines.
> Was just strange


Was he any good?


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## rainbow_unicorn (Mar 7, 2017)

TangoCity said:


> Most effective way for a coach to get a "problem" parent to stop coaching is to have them keep stats or video tape them game.


Or make them an assistant ref/linesman.  Realized I couldn't say a word when running the lines for a scrimmage.


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## OCsoccerdad7777 (Mar 7, 2017)

espola said:


> Was he any good?


Great credentials but no was not good. Team underachieved and many parents were not happy.  Even other coaches from same club and other clubs noticed how poorly we played compared to the talent level we had


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## socalkdg (Mar 8, 2017)

TangoCity said:


> Most effective way for a coach to get a "problem" parent to stop coaching is to have them keep stats or video tape them game.


I was wondering why they asked me to video all the games.


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## Bananacorner (Mar 8, 2017)

rainbow_unicorn said:


> Or make them an assistant ref/linesman.  Realized I couldn't say a word when running the lines for a scrimmage.


Ha, funny you should mention that.  One of the annoying parent coaches I experienced was made into a linesman, but she still was coaching "her team" from the sideline!  We had left the club, but I saw her at a game -- she was linesman and she happened to be in the section with the other team's parents.   Shouting out instructions to the players as she pointed the flag  -- it was outrageous!   I heard that the club eventually asked her if she wanted to go and get training and licensed so that she could be an assistant coach for one of the teams, but she declined.  She preferred just shouting out random, unhelpful advice, I guess.

In my experience the parent that wants to "help" the coach is one of the crazy, overinvolved parents who missed out on their soccer experience as a youth and are now trying to relive it.  That combined with trying to get their child an advantage with starting/positions etc, is usually the motivation.  Coaches don't always see the issues (unlike this case where it was so obvious) and it can end up being a huge splinter dividing the team.  Kids who know good coaching will not be happy -- in our case my daughter thought the parent was a complete hack and took all the fun out of practice.  She eventually asked to leave the team. 

My advice OCSoccerDad is to talk to the coach about it, and explain why having a parent coach is not optimal and the perception that you, other kids and/or parents have of the situation. You may need to find out about club policy (if any) on having parents coach the teams.  And yes, sitting by the coach on the team bench at the games is considered coaching -- he isn't there visiting over tea.


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## sandshark (Mar 9, 2017)

We have had a parent that is a major ass kisser so the coach would allow him to sit with the girls during games and give them "pep talks" during games. My daughter could not stand this guys confusing babble during games along with most of the other players.  Our coach at the time is huge ego maniac so they were a perfect fit as his "mini me" would kiss his ass all the way to his DD becoming a team captain! Most of the parents use to sit back and talk about how fun it was to watch the ass kissing show.


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## fjc8871 (Mar 10, 2017)

Just after fall season my son played a couple of friendlies. While we were waiting for the 2nd game we were enjoying the game that was being played on the same field. That was until a Dad from one of the teams playing (same club as my son) started to pace the sidelines and give instructions to not only his son but all of the boys (very"joystick" at times). He would even get on them for not doing what he thought they should be doing or where they should be by yelling at the boys on the from the sideline. His voice carried so he may not think he was loud but we were 15-20ft behind the sideline and could clearly hear him. The boys looked hella confused and kept looking at the parents sideline and their coach for instructions.  

Lesson learned...don't be that guy.


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## OCsoccerdad7777 (Mar 11, 2017)

Haha thanks everyone! Good info


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## timbuck (Mar 12, 2017)

After my experiences the last 2 weekends with "friendlies", I'm convinced that all parents should be watching the games streamed into their homes.  Some crazy people out there.


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