# What are some of the craziest things a coach/DOC has said to you or your kids when they found out you're switching clubs?



## Socal-Soccer-Dad (Jan 25, 2022)

It's the end of the season. Also try out season.

And undoubtedly a few of your kids (maybe many of them?) are moving clubs soon.

What are some of the craziest things a coach/DOC has said to you or your kids when they found out you're switching clubs?

We haven't experienced this personally but from friends and family who have moved clubs in the past, we've heard some crazy things.

Your kid sucks. No team is going to want you.
This team is the best your kid can do. Where will you go?
You're just going to ride the bench at your next club.
Don't ever even think about coming back to this club.
I know people. I'm going to make sure you don't get what you want. 
If a coach said some of this to my kid, I might be arrested... based on what I'll do next. It's so malicious what some of them as grown men and women will say to a child. What the heck is wrong with these people?


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## Ellejustus (Jan 25, 2022)

Let me chew on that question for a little bit.


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## Carlsbad7 (Jan 25, 2022)

Not my kid, however this is a fairly common response from DOCs and Coaches.

"Good luck at your new club. Be aware you wont be welcome back after you leave."


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## Paul Spacey (Jan 25, 2022)

"All the best; we hope it goes well for you."

It's such an easy response and doesn't unnecessarily burn bridges; we have to remember that we do not 'own' these kids. They are free to play wherever they want.

Kids rarely leave our club (that might sound a bit pompous but it's true) and so it isn't something I experience very often as a DOC but there have been times when I've looked at a situation and thought that it isn't the best move for the kid, however at that point a parent/kid has already made their decision so you step aside and wish them good luck. A youth soccer transfer won't make it onto ESPN; it's really not a big deal.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 26, 2022)

I think I have the record of most talks with the Docs in club soccer.  I woke up this morning with so many reminders of my "Talks with Docs" over the years about why it's time to leave and how pissed off "Doc" got.  It's crazy to look back at these conversations and how angry "The Family Boss Got" when trying to leave to another soccer family.

"College coaches don;t like club hopers.  I know everyone and you will be blacklisted."
"No one will believe you.  I know everyone."
"High school is horrible and US Soccer is 100% against it"
"Some of you are getting fat."
"No boy friends"
"The National Scouts are hard to find.  They like to blend into the crowd."


If I think of any other crazy statements over the years, I'll post.  It will get better you guys 

My best one and most loving.  "I wish you the best and hate to see you leave.  If I see you at the fields, I will give you a high five and a hug."


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## Ellejustus (Jan 26, 2022)

Socal-Soccer-Dad said:


> It's the end of the season. Also try out season.
> 
> And undoubtedly a few of your kids (maybe many of them?) are moving clubs soon.
> 
> ...


Brah, this is click bait for me, stop it!


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## Ellejustus (Jan 26, 2022)

Paul Spacey said:


> "All the best; we hope it goes well for you."
> 
> It's such an easy response and doesn't unnecessarily burn bridges; we have to remember that we do not 'own' these kids. They are free to play and wants to play wherever they want.
> 
> Kids rarely leave our club (that might sound a bit pompous but it's true) and so it isn't something I experience very often as a DOC but there have been times when I've looked at a situation and thought that it isn't the best move for the kid, however at that point a parent/kid has already made their decision so you step aside and wish them good luck. A youth soccer transfer won't make it onto ESPN; it's really not a big deal.


I believe you Coach and I wish all Docs took a class on how to say good bye when a player leaves to another club.


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## GoldenGate (Jan 26, 2022)

Socal-Soccer-Dad said:


> It's the end of the season. Also try out season.
> 
> And undoubtedly a few of your kids (maybe many of them?) are moving clubs soon.
> 
> ...


You are making up fake statements to work yourself up into a froth.  To the extent your friends claim these statements were made, odds are they are lying.  The odds are even higher, however, that you are the one who is lying about what your friends claim they were told. Regardless, the fact that you are expressing a willingness to engage in physical violence with someone who says something you don't want to hear says a lot about you.

Honestly, what you are claiming doesn't even pass the laugh test.  Coaches and DOCs do not tell parents that their kid sucks or that they're not good enough to play somewhere else as a way to convince them to stay on the team.  That is ridiculous.  They don't threaten parents that they will blackball their children, although crazy paranoid soccer parents (like crushypoo) often speculate that it happens.  And even if they did, why do you even care since it clearly isn't a place you want to be?


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## Ellejustus (Jan 26, 2022)

GoldenGate said:


> *Coaches and DOCs do not tell parents that their kid sucks or that they're not good enough to play somewhere else as a way to convince them to stay on the team.  That is ridiculous*


Oh really?  I had one Doc say that my kid better get a 4.3 GPA, 1300+ SAT score, make the YNT List, have no boyfriends and she best better not play HSS if you want a chance at a Big U ride.  What a crock of BS you guys sell to parents.  Lie to little girls, pay for their play and then bribe them with blackmail to get them to stay.  Horrible way to make a buck Doc, MOO unless other MOO MOO's agree with me?  BTW, crushy poo says hi.  Say hi to Husker Pu and Espola for me.  Hi dad.......You guys are busted.


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## GoldenGate (Jan 26, 2022)

Ellejustus said:


> Oh really?  I had one Doc say that my kid better get a 4.3 GPA, 1300+ SAT score, make the YNT List, have no boyfriends and she best better not play HSS if you want a chance at a Big U ride.  What a crock of BS you guys sell to parents.  Lie to little girls, pay for their play and then bribe them with blackmail to get them to stay.  Horrible way to make a buck Doc, MOO unless other MOO MOO's agree with me?  BTW, crushy poo says hi.  Say hi to Husker Pu and Espola for me.  Hi dad.......You guys are busted.


Answer me this.  Does she have a full ride to a "Big U"?


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## GoldenGate (Jan 26, 2022)

Ellejustus said:


> Oh really?  I had one Doc say that my kid better get a 4.3 GPA, 1300+ SAT score, make the YNT List, have no boyfriends and she best better not play HSS if you want a chance at a Big U ride.  What a crock of BS you guys sell to parents.  Lie to little girls, pay for their play and then bribe them with blackmail to get them to stay.  Horrible way to make a buck Doc, MOO unless other MOO MOO's agree with me?  BTW, crushy poo says hi.  Say hi to Husker Pu and Espola for me.  Hi dad.......You guys are busted.


No one bribed or blackmailed you.  To the extent former coaches and DOCs are not interested in helping your kid, it is because you were an a** to them.  Seriously, telling college coaches and DOCs when your kid was in middle school to stick it because she is going pro right out of high school, and also shaking DOCs down for free handouts in exchange for the "privilege" of letting your child play in their club, doesn't exactly make friends.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 26, 2022)

GoldenGate said:


> *No one bribed or blackmailed you*.  To the extent former coaches and DOCs are not interested in helping your kid, it is because you were an a** to them.  Seriously, telling college coaches and DOCs when your kid was in middle school to stick it because she is going pro right out of high school, and also shaking DOCs down for free handouts in exchange for the "privilege" of letting your child play in their club, doesn't exactly make friends.


How do you know?  Do you have the text and emails brah????  Dom, please keep GG IP Address for later.  He is now slandering my dd again and her old man, like he has always been doing.  Going after and lying to a 13 year old bro is going to get you and the others in big trouble.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 26, 2022)




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## Ellejustus (Jan 26, 2022)

OK, it's heating up you guys.  The threats are getting real again.  This is what happens when you poke bears with no heart.  My business coach is telling to go away from the forum for the 30 days of rehab and see how I feel after no forum for 30days.  She is the most amazing coach I have ever had.  Persian Goddess with a heart of Gold, insights to the truth unlike any man I ever met, and one who knows how to love and nurture a man back to being soft   I'm going to "Forum Anonymous" or I like to say, "I'm going to FA" after today you guys.  However, I'm drinking the kool aid today one last time.  This will be the end of the line kind of party for me.


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## GoldenGate (Jan 26, 2022)

Ellejustus said:


> How do you know?  Do you have the text and emails brah????  Dom, please keep GG IP Address for later.  He is now slandering my dd again and her old man, like he has always been doing.  Going after and lying to a 13 year old bro is going to get you and the others in big trouble.


That's pretty funny coming from a guy who has spent the last four years accusing people of blackmailing and bribing you and also ruining your child's life.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 26, 2022)

Another one from a crazy ass Doc who thought he knew best.  He told me, "You cannot post on the socal soccer forum.  We know your avatar.  We got a policy in the soccer family that no one is allowed to post of the socal soccer forum.  If you do, you will be asked to leave.  Your dd can stay, but you must leave.  We pay for her play, so you better do as we say and never post, ever and STFU!!!  Nothing is free and now you can't leave ever for greener or safer pasture."


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## Ellejustus (Jan 26, 2022)

GoldenGate said:


> That's pretty funny coming from a guy who has spent the last four years accusing people of blackmailing and bribing you and also ruining your child's life.


Oh magoo


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## Ellejustus (Jan 26, 2022)

Ellejustus said:


> Oh magoo


Listen Espola, just finish the debate with me man.  One last time before I leave.  What a Doc you have become.


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## timbuck (Jan 26, 2022)

We left a team when my kid was u9 or u10. The coach was super cool and he said "Good luck.  The door will always be open for her to come back.  Please stay in touch."

I've used this in my own coaching when a player tells me they want to leave.  Even if deep down inside, I want to say some of the awful things posted above.


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## VegasParent (Jan 26, 2022)

timbuck said:


> We left a team when my kid was u9 or u10. The coach was super cool and he said "Good luck.  The door will always be open for her to come back.  Please stay in touch."


This was my experience when we left a club at u11. The only thing said that could be taken as negative was the coach saying "She needs to play ECNL to get recruited for college" which is just the normal company line. We've stayed friends and he was one of the first people to call me when my kid tore her ACL.


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## Soccer43 (Jan 26, 2022)

Retaliation and animosity from DOC’s and club coaches is real.  Just because you haven’t experienced it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.  If you haven’t had that situation then you are lucky and good for you and your player.  Others besides EJ have also had some pretty bad experiences and have been retaliated against.


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## graciesdad (Jan 27, 2022)

I need some popcorn to go with this drama. Very entertaining.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 27, 2022)

graciesdad said:


> I need some popcorn to go with this drama.* Very entertaining.*


Yes, for those on the outside and never been attacked and threaten to STFU or else no ride for your dd, is entertaining for many.  I'm glad my family can provide gr8t entertainment.  As you eat your popcorn, just realize with each cornel that their was deep and emotional pain to dads & kids who dare ask a few questions.


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## HoopsCoach (Jan 27, 2022)

We were told by our DOC that San Diego State wanted us to come on unofficial visit before Surf Cup one year.  We toured the campus with Friesen and his assistants, they rolled out the red carpet...great visit.  He's telling us he's a Christian, has leadership in the church, mentors men and women...yadda yada yada.  At the conclusion of the meeting he says we'd love for you to come to SDSU.  I will call you next week with details of her scholarship offer.  Great right? 

So over the weekend my daughter decides to switch clubs to be with her friend and goes to Surf Cup (summer).  The problem is that the club we were transferring from, the girls ECNL coordinator and Friesen are BEST friends.  So when I called the next week, we find out that there is no scholarship or roster spot for her.  When we asked the DOC about why the offer got taken off the table....crickets-no answer.  Some Christian...

Hindsight glad she didn't go there because it's been a hot mess since and his team has underachieved each season since.  Karma or maybe divine justice hahaha


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## Ellejustus (Jan 27, 2022)

HoopsCoach said:


> We were told by our DOC that San Diego State wanted us to come on unofficial visit before Surf Cup one year.  We toured the campus with Friesen and his assistants, they rolled out the red carpet...great visit.  He's telling us he's a Christian, has leadership in the church, mentors men and women...yadda yada yada.  At the conclusion of the meeting he says we'd love for you to come to SDSU.  I will call you next week with details of her scholarship offer.  Great right?
> 
> So over the weekend my daughter decides to switch clubs to be with her friend and goes to Surf Cup (summer).  The problem is that the club we were transferring from, the girls ECNL coordinator and Friesen are BEST friends.  So when I called the next week, we find out that there is no scholarship or roster spot for her.  When we asked the DOC about why the offer got taken off the table....crickets-no answer.  Some Christian...
> 
> Hindsight glad she didn't go there because it's been a hot mess since and his team has underachieved each season since.  Karma or maybe divine justice hahaha


Karma for others and divine for you and your child.  Satire warning:  I had old hoops coach offer me a free steak dinner if I went to church with him. Me and a few of my teammates went for the steak. I was adopted, lonely and searching for other ways to find Yahweh then what my adopted mother was forcing me to believe in.  She had God on straight but got played by the dude with all the Crystal's at the Cathedral.  I was forced to get baptized when I was 8 as a Mormon too, which the Calvary Preacher's lesson at the Chapel told me I was going to hell, I was in a cult and I best get out and repent or I'm going to hell.  No if's and or buts.  Well, I didnt want to go to hell so I raised my hand and asked Jesus to come live with me in my heart.  I was sold this from a scripture in Revelations that he was knocking hard to come live with me and it's my job to let him in or not.  I was too young to understand the snake oil on this teaching.  I kicked Jesus out on the weekends too so I could party and felt bad.  I would feel all guilty at church on Sundays and accept Jesus back in.  I must have let him in over 100x.


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## soccer dude (Jan 27, 2022)

My 2 girls have club hopped a few times and I personally don't talk to the DOC.  When I make up my mind to move, I move.  I do give fair warning to the coaches before I do in hopes they fix their issues.  I personally have heard very reasonable responses from the DOC when they found out though. Nothing like what I hear in this thread.  When we left Arsenal West, DOC (GS) called me several times to try a hostile takeover of our U11G team before heading over to IE Surf.  I didn't fall for the DOC bait and we had to forfeit State Cup.  Bummer.  Later on we left West Coast ECNL (then OC Surf) because the DOC fired our coach and took over our team.  All he said was that "it's in the best interest of the club that he be removed" in the middle of the season.  The DOC later got fired (can't mention names but starts with a G) and team imploded.  So, this was a good move.  We are now at Legends and are very happy there.  Don't see a need to change clubs anymore.


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## Simisoccerfan (Jan 27, 2022)

Nothing but respectful comments from DOC's or coaches.  We did have the HS Athletic Director tell us my daughter was not invited to the HS ceremony honoring students who signed a NLI since she chose not to play HS her senior year.  She was the only girl from any sport that signed a D1 NLI that year and was team MVP, all league player her Junior year which is the only year the team has won league.  The previous year two girls attended this ceremony when they did not play their senior year and they have honored other students that did not play HS before.


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## graciesdad (Jan 27, 2022)

Ellejustus said:


> Yes, for those on the outside and never been attacked and threaten to STFU or else no ride for your dd, is entertaining for many.  I'm glad my family can provide gr8t entertainment.  As you eat your popcorn, just realize with each cornel that their was deep and emotional pain to dads & kids who dare ask a few questions.


You missed my point. I get that DOC and Coaches can be asshats. It's the personal attacks on this thread that are amusing. Obviously there is some history that I am not privy to.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 27, 2022)

graciesdad said:


> You missed my point. I get that DOC and Coaches can be asshats. It's the personal attacks on this thread that are amusing. Obviously there is some history that I am not privy to.


You missed my satire bro.  This is my sports entertainment.  People keep telling me their is no money in girls soccer.  Get more popcorn out because the sun is shinning


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## Ellejustus (Jan 27, 2022)

I have a life coach you guys and she is so loving.  At 55, I just learned not to judge myself anymore, for anything.  All these years *I agreed *that I was going to hell and when one agrees to that punishment of fear and scary demons, well then, he will judge everyone to the same fate and judgement that he believes in.  Projection!  I mean, I just had old church pal get all mad at me because I said, "maybe Yeshua was married and had a few kids?" This guy went off on me and said I was fallen away and going to hell.  All I said was "maybe."  I told a parent once when my kid was in 8th grade that college is overrated and maybe she will go pro as a joke.  Parent told the Doc and then the parent went ape shit crazy on me.  Another Doc asked my kid where she wanted to go to college and my kid said, "Not sure I want to go to college."  Dude Doc said, "why are you here then? I forked out $3,000 to pay up front for a discount and have her taught by the master and this is what were paying for?"  She found the bench for the first time ever in her life.  She was playing up too and he said she was a starter on his team and no way he would play her up as 04 with 03s to sit on the bench.  I called him a middle man to his face and told him I dont need his help to get a deal for my kid.  Will be doing it ourselves, I said.  You know what, I was wrong.  You need the dude to help you in the middle.  Dude makes over $250,000 a year and makes things happen.


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## Yousername (Jan 27, 2022)

Ellejustus said:


> I have a life coach you guys and she is so loving.  At 55, I just learned not to judge myself anymore, for anything.  All these years *I agreed *that I was going to hell and when one agrees to that punishment of fear and scary demons, well then, he will judge everyone to the same fate and judgement that he believes in.  Projection!  I mean, I just had old church pal get all mad at me because I said, "maybe Yeshua was married and had a few kids?" This guy went off on me and said I was fallen away and going to hell.  All I said was "maybe."  I told a parent once when my kid was in 8th grade that college is overrated and maybe she will go pro as a joke.  Parent told the Doc and then the parent went ape shit crazy on me.  Another Doc asked my kid where she wanted to go to college and my kid said, "Not sure I want to go to college."  Dude Doc said, "why are you here then? I forked out $3,000 to pay up front for a discount and have her taught by the master and this is what were paying for?"  She found the bench for the first time ever in her life.  She was playing up too and he said she was a starter on his team and no way he would play her up as 04 with 03s to sit on the bench.  I called him a middle man to his face and told him I dont need his help to get a deal for my kid.  Will be doing it ourselves, I said.  You know what, I was wrong.  You need the dude to help you in the middle.  Dude makes over $250,000 a year and makes things happen.


Ummmmm…… Ok…..


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## Ellejustus (Jan 27, 2022)

Easy fellas on the PMs and threats.  You took everything away from me so you win the old game of life.  You can have the bubble life and try your luck with going back to normal.  The thread said, "craziest" not nicest experience, FYI!!!  Ummmmmmmmmm, ok Doc!


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## watfly (Jan 27, 2022)

HoopsCoach said:


> We were told by our DOC that San Diego State wanted us to come on unofficial visit before Surf Cup one year.  We toured the campus with Friesen and his assistants, they rolled out the red carpet...great visit.  He's telling us he's a Christian, has leadership in the church, mentors men and women...yadda yada yada.  At the conclusion of the meeting he says we'd love for you to come to SDSU.  I will call you next week with details of her scholarship offer.  Great right?
> 
> So over the weekend my daughter decides to switch clubs to be with her friend and goes to Surf Cup (summer).  The problem is that the club we were transferring from, the girls ECNL coordinator and Friesen are BEST friends.  So when I called the next week, we find out that there is no scholarship or roster spot for her.  When we asked the DOC about why the offer got taken off the table....crickets-no answer.  Some Christian...
> 
> Hindsight glad she didn't go there because it's been a hot mess since and his team has underachieved each season since.  Karma or maybe divine justice hahaha


From my experience anyone that holds out their Christianity or religion as some sort of selling point in a sales pitch should be avoided like the plague.


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## Bubsy (Jan 28, 2022)

We all know this is click bait for those who have had to make moves or those who have been in need of an environment change, or those who follow teammates or coaches they love. In SoCal you know this because...well, everyone knows everyone's business and we all text each other, so air it here if need be, but I mean, if you don't know... well now you know. They will black ball you where ever they can.... even HS and way beyond if they have pull and if your departure means something to them. Heads of Club, Directors and PARENTS can be assholes. Not all, but some will show their true colors. If you are interested in another club, be upfront and honest with your coach as much as possible. They don't want to find out afterwards that you were at his/her competitors practice.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 28, 2022)

Bubsy said:


> *If you are interested in another club, be upfront and honest with your coach as much as possible. They don't want to find out afterwards that you were at his/her competitors practice.*


I did this every time we left a club. I was honest and upfront before we left.  The parents who had experience all told me this, "Dont say shit until after you leave.  They will take it out on you and your kid for leaving the family."  I said, "no no, I need to be honest and share the truth with Doc."  Oh my, they hated my truth and came back with their truth, "college coaches don't like club hopers and dads asking questions and you will be blacklisted."  The fact is, I was honest and got retaliated against, just for taking the goals somewhere else.  I told one Doc, "find more goals dude."


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## Desert Hound (Jan 28, 2022)

Well kind of in the same vein. 

When DA started, the club that got it had ECNL (which they gave up). That club had been pilfering kids from various clubs including ours for some time. However with DA there was far more interest. 

So one of the coaches gave a talk to all the kids in a certain age group. Talked up how DA was new, didn't know if it would last, isn't that good...and especially loyalty and how good the current club was and kids should stay and thrive in the current environment. 

A month or so later the coach bailed to an ECNL club and and brought along a lot of kids including mine.


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## watfly (Jan 28, 2022)

Desert Hound said:


> Well kind of in the same vein.
> 
> When DA started, the club that got it had ECNL (which they gave up). That club had been pilfering kids from various clubs including ours for some time. However with DA there was far more interest.
> 
> ...


Coaches are as quick to bail to "greener pastures" as players.  I doubt a coach has ever given their players a heads up when their interviewing with other clubs.  We lost a coach a number of months ago, one day he was the coach, next day he was gone.  He had been the coach for our 06s for nearly two years...not a word to them.  A couple weeks after he did reach out to players, of course only the best players.



Bubsy said:


> If you are interested in another club, be upfront and honest with your coach as much as possible. They don't want to find out afterwards that you were at his/her competitors practice.


While it may seem like the right thing to do, I would never give a coach a heads up that your kid is attending other practices.  Odds are it will not turn out well for your child.


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## soccer dude (Jan 28, 2022)

I agree with a lot of what I hear.  While I would never tell a coach or DOC I'm leaving, I feel obligated to tell them why I'm not happy.  You owe it to them to at least know why you aren't happy.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 28, 2022)

soccer dude said:


> I agree with a lot of what I hear.  While I would never tell a coach or DOC I'm leaving, I feel obligated to tell them why I'm not happy.  You owe it to them to at least know why you aren't happy.


I did that to one Big Doc and I told him to his face, that lying and misleading teenage girls is wrong and he should be ashamed of himself.  He told me he knows everyone in the game, that I need to clam down, learn to "pay to play" the right way.  With my attitude toward the truth, no way my kid will be able to pay to play at the next level.  Dude was 100% right, I can;t lie.  I was wrong and he was right.  TGIF!!  The sun is shinning on everything and that makes me super happy


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## Soccer43 (Jan 28, 2022)

soccer dude said:


> I agree with a lot of what I hear.  While I would never tell a coach or DOC I'm leaving, I feel obligated to tell them why I'm not happy.  You owe it to them to at least know why you aren't happy.


As a parent you don’t owe any club coach or DOC anything.  You pay for them to be your coach, you are the customer and they typically treat you like crap.  As a parent they think they own your child and have no accountability to you as a parent or as a paying customer.  My child is not an indentured servant to the club but that’s the message:  “pay your fee, shut up, don’t interfere and if you bring up any serious complaints about bad things happening then you better watch out because we will trash talk you to wherever you are going to have a more appropriate and safe experience.  We have the power and will ruin your child’s future if we chose to do that.”


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## Ellejustus (Jan 28, 2022)

Soccer43 said:


> As a parent you don’t owe any club coach or DOC anything.  You pay for them to be your coach, you are the customer and they typically treat you like crap.  As a parent they think they own your child and have no accountability to you as a parent or as a paying customer.  My child is not an indentured servant to the club but that’s the message:  “pay your fee, shut up, don’t interfere and if you bring up any serious complaints about bad things happening then you better watch out because we will trash talk you to wherever you are going to have a more appropriate and safe experience.  We have the power and will ruin your child’s future if we chose to do that.”


That is truth speak right there 43.  Love you man, all the way to truth and back.  I just remembered another coach telling my kid or any player on her team to stop snitching on him for things he say's at practice.  "If you tell you parents about how I yell at you and tear you down at practice, well then you won't play."  That is called a "red card" from my perch and Hawk Dad will make his call and I did.  Yes, I was told to STFU from practically everyone but the more people who tell me to STFU, call me names, threaten me, scare me, send horrible and mean PMs, say they know where I live, the more I talk. This is for girls sakes you guys.  The GDA Docs all said the "girls need to be trained like the boys and be like the boys."  That right there was the big mistake.  Sorry guys, girls are not boys and boys are not girls.  Although, some boys have been cheating in swimming and stealing championships from the real girls.  So sad!!!


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## watfly (Jan 28, 2022)

Soccer43 said:


> As a parent you don’t owe any club coach or DOC anything.  You pay for them to be your coach, you are the customer and they typically treat you like crap.  As a parent they think they own your child and have no accountability to you as a parent or as a paying customer.  My child is not an indentured servant to the club but that’s the message:  “pay your fee, shut up, don’t interfere and if you bring up any serious complaints about bad things happening then you better watch out because we will trash talk you to wherever you are going to have a more appropriate and safe experience.  We have the power and will ruin your child’s future if we chose to do that.”


I generally agree with this.  Unfortunately, most coaches and DOC's don't realize or ignore the fact that they are in the customer service business.  They believe parents are a nuisance.  I can appreciate that they just want to coach kids without parental interference, but ultimately the customer is the parent (because they're paying for the service) and the child is the beneficiary and not the customer.  I think the coaches could help themselves out a lot by being more proactive communicators, as opposed to reactive (if they even communicate to parents at all).  In many cases, I think that's all parents want.  How many coaches have you had that have provided player evaluations?  Best case is a coach may provide an evaluation at year end which is relatively worthless compared to a mid-season review.  Of course, you will always have those nightmare parents that can make everyone's life miserable.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 28, 2022)

watfly said:


> I generally agree with this.  Unfortunately, most coaches and DOC's don't realize or ignore the fact that they are in the customer service business.  They believe parents are a nuisance.  I can appreciate that they just want to coach kids without parental interference, but ultimately the customer is the parent (because they're paying for the service) and the child is the beneficiary and not the customer.  I think the coaches could help themselves out a lot by being more proactive communicators, as opposed to reactive (if they even communicate to parents at all).  In many cases, I think that's all parents want.  How many coaches have you had that have provided player evaluations?  Best case is a coach may provide an evaluation at year end which is relatively worthless compared to a mid-season review.  Of course, you will always have those nightmare parents that can make everyone's life miserable.


The best coach my dd ever had regarding transparency was Tad Bobak.  Tad did it right man.  He used a scoring system and evaluated the players based on what he saw, and not what daddy thinks he saw or what mama bear thinks or the TM or the board or US Soccer.  One year contract that coach and player and parent would agree to.  One rule was not yelling at the refs. Oh my, I failed that rule early on and he was patient with me.  I NEVER SAW HIM YELL AT ANYONE.  Always told the truth.  He would have a tryout for all returning players after the State Cup.  New players that he wanted were given a spot for next season, no tryouts for them because he was watching them all the time.   He scored all the top 04s.  He did recruit the first ever U15 YNT and started ODP.  He's the founder, FYI.  Small roster so all play.  No one ride's the pine.  You will get your chance.  How can coach evaluate if the player is on the bench?  Playoffs, now he's going to show you who he thinks will help him and the team win.  That is when you will know where you stand.  This is also when parents get pissed off and see the writing on the wall from the master.  "He doesn;t develop players."  "He teaches kickball."  "He recruits our best players and that's why he wins."  He's ___________________ this and that and is a weirdo and watches other players and doesn't develop his own players."  The problem with all this?  He knows girls quit soccer for many reasons and dad does not.  Their body changes.  Boys are chasing them.  A smart coach will always look for new players each year and will look to cut players and their parents.  No players allowed to join the team during the season from another team.  Recruits can come play Sunday Scrimmages.  Now that made the other Docs pissed off.  I swear another parent snitched on me and I got cornerred at practice with the, "I hear you went to the Blues Sunday Scrimmage.  Is that true?"  I always told the truth.  Tad was at all her games letting her know he would love to have her.  I appreciated that and he worked hard to have the best team in the State.  He was secure because he was honest.  The club does not own you and your allowed to guess play he says as well.  He thought it was good for the girls to play soccer matches.  He just asked you let him know and it did not interfere with the team.  I love that man.  The real deal.  TY again Tad for being honest.  do not have to tryout.  I think this was fair. Too many people wanted promises of a college deal, ODP, YTN and


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## Brav520 (Jan 28, 2022)

I can only speak for the youngers (7v7)

but the majority of the problems  center around playing time

Coaches should give you an idea on their philosophy around playing time before the season starts , and if they don’t thats kinda a red flag, but PARENTS ask before you register

I personally believe at youngers that there is no game so important that you can’t guarantee every player at least x amount of time every game


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## Carlsbad7 (Jan 28, 2022)

Clubs should employ a committee that parents speak with reguarding issues vs going directly to the coaches. The committee would then raise issues to the coaches.

This would seperate coaches from parents allowing them to focus on the players only.

It would also create a defined + documented communication process for parents and clubs.

Problem is nobody would ever do this because if they did how would all the palms get greased?

Soccer's solutions are out there / available. The problem is that theres to many people benefiting from things being broken.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 28, 2022)

Brav520 said:


> I can only speak for the youngers (7v7)
> 
> but the majority of the problems  center around playing time
> 
> ...


Every kid at that age needs to be playing at least half the game.  It's like their being groomed to beg for play time.  Seriously, every one who pays to play should have their kid play at least half.  I had one Doc say it's important for little teen girls to learn how to ride the pine and then work their ass off and beg for time on the field.


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## watfly (Jan 28, 2022)

Brav520 said:


> Coaches should give you an idea on their philosophy around playing time before the season starts , and if they don’t thats kinda a red flag, but PARENTS ask before you register


That's a good place to start, just take what they say with a huge grain of salt.  Not many coaches are going to say that the "best players are going to start and play the majority of minutes even if they miss practice", which is often times the reality.  Coaches need to be more honest and parents need to be more realistic about their children's abilities.

Part of the problem is that coaches are forced by the Club to roster so many players.  With the dilution of soccer (particularly at the higher levels) a coach may have 13 players that he is comfortable with but is required to take another 5.  This may sound harsh, but just because your kid made the team doesn't mean they earned that spot.  Some kids are just roster fill.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 28, 2022)

watfly said:


> That's a good place to start, just take what they say with a huge grain of salt.  Not many coaches are going to say that the "best players are going to start and play the majority of minutes even if they miss practice", which is often times the reality.  Coaches need to be more honest and parents need to be more realistic about their children's abilities.
> 
> Part of the problem is that coaches are forced by the Club to roster so many players.  With the dilution of soccer (particularly at the higher levels) a coach may have 13 players that he is comfortable with but is required to take another 5.  This may sound harsh, but just because your kid made the team doesn't mean they earned that spot.  Some kids are just roster fill.


Pools of 40 girls thrown into the pool to figure out how to swim things out is insane.  No more team because boys play soccer differently then girls.  Yes, some girls move at 13 and go pro.  Most girls want to have social life.  I say no more then 16 on a competitive team that parents pay over $10K a year to watch.  No one wants to pay $10k and watch their kid sit on the bench.  That sucks apples!!!!  I've been on both sides so I know the feeling of a coach who is honest and coach who lies and play head trips with young girls.


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## Yousername (Jan 28, 2022)

We’ve moved our daughter a few times over the years from different clubs, and it’s always been fine between us and the coaches, until our last move. We did all the things we’d done before- called him and explained our reasoning, told him upfront we wanted him to hear it from us first, etc. etc. THOUGHT everything was ok on his end as he wished us well and scheduled a time when our daughter could come and have a last hurrah with the team. After a day or so, we learned he changed plans on her and she was no longer invited to the event so she could say goodby to her teammates. Fast forward a year when we saw him on the sidelines at one of her games… not coaching the other team…. just there to watch. He walked over near where we were sitting, stood 10 yards away from us and ignored us the entire game. There were literally no other people around us so it was obvious he was trying to make some kind of point. Whatever… He’s been to a handlful of her games in the last few years and he finally grew up and spoke to our daughter, but still ignores us. So petty.


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## soccer dude (Jan 28, 2022)

I have a daughter on Legends 04 team with 20 players which is the max I would allow as a parent and something I've always asked about.  I don't believe any older team should have more than 20 players due to play time.  With 20 players almost all of the girls get good play time, especially with injuries and summer heat.  I'm baffled why parents put their kids on some of the ECNL teams with 27 girls (like the Strikers 04 team) or more and then complain about not getting play time.  Here's a hint.  Don't put your kids on a team with 27 players because she/he probably isn't going to play.  A little common sense goes a long way.  For younger teams you know the magic number for which your kid won't play because there's just too many players.  Clubs need to make money, I understand, but not on the back of my kid.  There are many good ECNL clubs that respect my 20 person rule like So cal Blues and Legends.  You just have to find them.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 28, 2022)

soccer dude said:


> I have a daughter on Legends 04 team with 20 players which is the max I would allow as a parent and something I've always asked about.  I don't believe any older team should have more than 20 players due to play time.  With 20 players almost all of the girls get good play time, especially with injuries and summer heat.  I'm baffled why parents put their kids on some of the ECNL teams with 27 girls (like the Strikers 04 team) or more and then complain about not getting play time.  Here's a hint.  Don't put your kids on a team with 27 players because she/he probably isn't going to play.  A little common sense goes a long way.  For younger teams you know the magic number for which your kid won't play because there's just too many players.  Clubs need to make money, I understand, but not on the back of my kid.  There are many good ECNL clubs that respect my 20 person rule like So cal Blues and Legends.  You just have to find them.


The whole thing is a mess for all the clubs bro.  20 is 4 too many, moo.  My dd is on Strikers 04 and we dont have 27 players on the team, with 9 sitting and watching each week.  I have a friend whose dd is on the Regional team.  Two teams of players that are on those two teams always and then you have players who play either ECNL or ECNRL, depending on the match up and injuries.  Not that bad.  I dont like taking all 40 and picking a new team each week.  Good stuff though and hopefully fix it so teams just have 16 core players.


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## Mr. Mac (Jan 28, 2022)

Socal-Soccer-Dad said:


> It's the end of the season. Also try out season.
> 
> And undoubtedly a few of your kids (maybe many of them?) are moving clubs soon.
> 
> ...


Nothing said..but when my 05 daughter left her first club, the owner/DOC blocked her and me on Instagram. He still has us blocked over 4 years later. hahahahaha Kid was 13..and the coach was 47 at the time.


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## soccer dude (Jan 28, 2022)

Ellejustus said:


> The whole thing is a mess for all the clubs bro.  20 is 4 too many, moo.  My dd is on Strikers 04 and we dont have 27 players on the team, with 9 sitting and watching each week.  I have a friend whose dd is on the Regional team.  Two teams of players that are on those two teams always and then you have players who play either ECNL or ECNRL, depending on the match up and injuries.  Not that bad.  I dont like taking all 40 and picking a new team each week.  Good stuff though and hopefully fix it so teams just have 16 core players.


I would love 16 core players but I don't think a "good" 04 team exists with 16 core players.  All of the Southwest ECNL teams have around 22 players with Legends/Blues at 20.  Maybe some local startup clubs have 16 but I guarantee they're trying to add more.  Our 04 team had 16 players for half of last year and many games were played with 1 sub and girls really suffered in the heat, trying to play 90 mins.  No one was complaining about play time though, which was a great perk.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 28, 2022)

soccer dude said:


> I would love 16 core players but I don't think a "good" 04 team exists with 16 core players.  All of the Southwest ECNL teams have around 22 players with Legends/Blues at 20.  Maybe some local startup clubs have 16 but I guarantee they're trying to add more.  Our 04 team had 16 players for half of last year and many games were played with 1 sub and girls really suffered in the heat, trying to play 90 mins.  No one was complaining about play time though, which was a great perk.


I agree with the older U18/19 age.  I was talking more like U16 and under and truly playing for a real Natty.  I should have been clearer.  Not a fan of this age at all.  Even U17 was getting less competitive and more trying to get kids into college.


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## Soccer43 (Jan 29, 2022)

Yousername said:


> We’ve moved our daughter a few times over the years from different clubs, and it’s always been fine between us and the coaches, until our last move. We did all the things we’d done before- called him and explained our reasoning, told him upfront we wanted him to hear it from us first, etc. etc. THOUGHT everything was ok on his end as he wished us well and scheduled a time when our daughter could come and have a last hurrah with the team. After a day or so, we learned he changed plans on her and she was no longer invited to the event so she could say goodby to her teammates. Fast forward a year when we saw him on the sidelines at one of her games… not coaching the other team…. just there to watch. He walked over near where we were sitting, stood 10 yards away from us and ignored us the entire game. There were literally no other people around us so it was obvious he was trying to make some kind of point. Whatever… He’s been to a handlful of her games in the last few years and he finally grew up and spoke to our daughter, but still ignores us. So petty.


How about telling a crying little girl she can’t come to a team party to say goodbye to her teammates because she was changing clubs?  How about all the parents cheerily wildly when the ball was tackled from a player during a game because they were still pissed that the player left their team.   How about the coach calling the new coach and telling vile lies about your family .  How about the DOC telling you what you could and couldn’t do with your own daughter because he was in charge and had the power and being a parent meant nothing to him.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 30, 2022)

Soccer43 said:


> How about telling a crying little girl she can’t come to a team party to say goodbye to her teammates because she was changing clubs?  How about all the parents cheerily wildly when the ball was tackled from a player during a game because they were still pissed that the player left their team.   How about the coach calling the new coach and telling vile lies about your family .  How about the DOC telling you what you could and couldn’t do with your own daughter because he was in charge and had the power and being a parent meant nothing to him.


Sad to hear that story 43.  Breaks my heart, but that is all too common in certain circles of life.  I hope all is getting better bro.  It still amazes me when you join a new soccer family, how the family love you so much and welcomes you with open arms.  Parties, BFFs, free dinners, free handouts, free love ((as long as you stay on the team and never leave the cult)), sleep overs and bonding times.  However, If you go up to the High Priest ((Doc)) and be honest, open and transparent and say, "Hey Doc, were moving and playing HSS bro and won;t be doing GDA next season because they have a mandate that says "no high school soccer allowed.  The world is watching the coaches say and because the world watching, we can;t allow our players to play awful high school soccer.  Thanks for everything Doc and good luck next season."  43, guess what came out of the Docs pie hole next?
First off, I should have kept my big mouth shut.  I'm just too open and I like to poke with questions as I look into their eyes.  The whole family found out and when the whole family finds out that one of their top players is bailing on the family, well it becomes a family emergency, because you don;t want others, who to want to leave the family as well, to be influenced by one of the captains and big time influencer.


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## GoldenGate (Jan 31, 2022)

Yousername said:


> We’ve moved our daughter a few times over the years from different clubs, and it’s always been fine between us and the coaches, until our last move. We did all the things we’d done before- called him and explained our reasoning, told him upfront we wanted him to hear it from us first, etc. etc. THOUGHT everything was ok on his end as he wished us well and scheduled a time when our daughter could come and have a last hurrah with the team. After a day or so, we learned he changed plans on her and she was no longer invited to the event so she could say goodby to her teammates. Fast forward a year when we saw him on the sidelines at one of her games… not coaching the other team…. just there to watch. He walked over near where we were sitting, stood 10 yards away from us and ignored us the entire game. There were literally no other people around us so it was obvious he was trying to make some kind of point. Whatever… He’s been to a handlful of her games in the last few years and he finally grew up and spoke to our daughter, but still ignores us. So petty.


You're telling me you were 10 feet away from your daughter's former soccer coach for an entire game and didn't even bother to say hi? You're angry and bitter he didn't do the exact thing that you didn't do either?  In fact, the only one we know for sure knew the other person was there was you.  Wow, you are really lacking in self-awareness.


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## Chelseafc (Feb 14, 2022)

Socal-Soccer-Dad said:


> It's the end of the season. Also try out season.
> 
> And undoubtedly a few of your kids (maybe many of them?) are moving clubs soon.
> 
> ...


It’s a mistake. Your kid cannot develop anywhere else from here.


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## Own Goal (Feb 16, 2022)

"Best of luck to you! You'll always have a place here." And he still checks in regularly with her to see how college is going.


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## Poconos (Feb 20, 2022)

Ellejustus said:


> Yes, for those on the outside and never been attacked and threaten to STFU or else no ride for your dd, is entertaining for many.  I'm glad my family can provide gr8t entertainment.  As you eat your popcorn, just realize with each cornel that their was deep and emotional pain to dads & kids who dare ask a few questions.


i think the caustic comments happen, there are a good number of coaches who's egos seem to be their prime focus.  however, i think they're rather rare, thankfully.  i am happy it's never happened to my daughter.  then again, she has only switched her club once previously, with little fanfare or discussion.  her current team/coach is switching clubs at the end of this season, thus there was nothing to explain as to her individually.  we've had a number of girls go their own way over previous years and nothing was said other than best of luck.  glad we've remained unscathed.


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## Poconos (Feb 20, 2022)

geez, did this coach also do dorky tiktok videos with his pals ?  what sophomoric tripe.  



Mr. Mac said:


> Nothing said..but when my 05 daughter left her first club, the owner/DOC blocked her and me on Instagram. He still has us blocked over 4 years later. hahahahaha Kid was 13..and the coach was 47 at the time.


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## Mr. Mac (Feb 20, 2022)

Poconos said:


> geez, did this coach also do dorky tiktok videos with his pals ?  what sophomoric tripe.


lol. I wouldn't put it past him.


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