# Have any of you experienced passive aggressive bullying, jealousy of your kid or racism on your team



## soccer_soccer (Oct 16, 2018)

Just wanted to see the overall consensus on this topic?  is it normal?  part of soccer world?  passive aggressive parent bullying?  racism?  jealousy?  to be expected on any team?


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## soccer_soccer (Oct 16, 2018)

And I am talking about the parents


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## FernandoFromNationalCity (Oct 16, 2018)

My daughter had a few racist remarks said to her by the opposing team she played a few games this year... 
I guess it’s just the climate we’re in.. kind sad tho


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## greekgirl (Oct 16, 2018)

I've heard parents make some not so nice comments about players on the team. Thankfully none of them have been race-based. I'm also a referee and when I'm AR, you hear alot of things that make you cringe.
Aside from that in the past there have been certain parents that I didn't trust to take my dd anywhere because I felt they were the types to try and undermine her. It's a real shame.


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## soccer_soccer (Oct 16, 2018)

greekgirl said:


> I've heard parents make some not so nice comments about players on the team. Thankfully none of them have been race-based. I'm also a referee and when I'm AR, you hear alot of things that make you cringe.
> Aside from that in the past there have been certain parents that I didn't trust to take my dd anywhere because I felt they were the types to try and undermine her. It's a real shame.


so mean parents with passive aggressive jealous behavior usually found on pretty much every team would you say?


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## soccer_soccer (Oct 16, 2018)

FernandoFromNationalCity said:


> My daughter had a few racist remarks said to her by the opposing team she played a few games this year...
> I guess it’s just the climate we’re in.. kind sad tho


oh it happens alot... it's disgusting...


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## FernandoFromNationalCity (Oct 16, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> oh it happens alot... it's disgusting...


I kinda wonder where a 13-14 year ol girl would learn the terms (wetback,spic,beaner). My wife and I had the talk  about people being different. Thankfully my daughter understands that this world is full of bigotry and it’s not all butterflies and rainbows.


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## soccer_soccer (Oct 16, 2018)

FernandoFromNationalCity said:


> I kinda wonder where a 13-14 year ol girl would learn the terms (wetback,spic,beaner). My wife and I had the talk  about people being different. Thankfully my daughter understands that this world is full of bigotry and it’s not all butterflies and rainbows.


They learn it from their parents.  what would you do if it's a parent on your kid's team that has said some passive aggressive racist remarks?  take it up with the coach? (doubt he will do anything) leave the team?


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## FernandoFromNationalCity (Oct 16, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> They learn it from their parents.  what would you do if it's a parent on your kid's team that has said some passive aggressive racist remarks?  take it up with the coach? (doubt he will do anything) leave the team?


It’s no place for me to say anything really. Which is wrong too.  All I can do is teach my kids what’s right. 
And maybe leave the team..


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## jpeter (Oct 16, 2018)

FernandoFromNationalCity said:


> I kinda wonder where a 13-14 year ol girl would learn the terms (wetback,spic,beaner). My wife and I had the talk  about people being different. Thankfully my daughter understands that this world is full of bigotry and it’s not all butterflies and rainbows.


Really I though it was..











Anyway our DD has darker skin, when she gets questioned about her ethnicity most people are surprised so remember don't always judge the book by it's cover, we're all the same deep down, respect..


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## espola (Oct 16, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> Just wanted to see the overall consensus on this topic?  is it normal?  part of soccer world?  passive aggressive parent bullying?  racism?  jealousy?  to be expected on any team?


Passive aggressive?  Why don't you just tell us your story.


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## MyDaughtersAKeeper (Oct 16, 2018)

There really isn't a reason for a parent/spectator to talk to a kid during the game.  With that in mind, if I just can't keep quiet I use a variation of: Good effort.  Good job.  Keep up the great work, etc... 
If you happen to have been raised a racist, there is no reason to let the word know your parents were idiots - and you are too.


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## LASTMAN14 (Oct 16, 2018)

espola said:


> Passive aggressive?  Why don't you just tell us your story.


Wait, right now your being passive aggressive.


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## soccer_soccer (Oct 16, 2018)

espola said:


> Passive aggressive?  Why don't you just tell us your story.


sorry, but I choose not to get detailed about it .. passive aggressive means not direct.  indirect racist, jealous mean comments.  racism is not direct always these days, it's subtle.


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## espola (Oct 16, 2018)

LASTMAN14 said:


> Wait, right now your being passive aggressive.


I was just trying to stay in the spirit of the original post.


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## soccer_soccer (Oct 16, 2018)

espola said:


> Passive aggressive?  Why don't you just tell us your st





espola said:


> I was just trying to stay in the spirit of the original post.


believe me if i told you the stories you would be appalled that these kind of things exist these days, let alone directed at kids


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## espola (Oct 16, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> sorry, but I choose not to get detailed about it .. passive aggressive means not direct.  indirect racist, jealous mean comments.  racism is not direct always these days, it's subtle.


So far you have said nothing, so don't expect any meaningful responses.  My son has been called a girl and a "chink" (my wife is Filipina).  Is that the sort of thing you were looking for?


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## espola (Oct 16, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> believe me if i told you the stories you would be appalled that these kind of things exist these days, let alone directed at kids


Saying nothing does nothing to overcome it.


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## soccer_soccer (Oct 16, 2018)

espola said:


> So far you have said nothing, so don't expect any meaningful responses.  My son has been called a girl and a "chink" (my wife is Filipina).  Is that the sort of thing you were looking for?


from the parents on his team?


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## espola (Oct 16, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> from the parents on his team?


No, by opponents.  Now that you have started the story, please tell us more.


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## push_up (Oct 16, 2018)

Don't do it soccer_soccer.  He will bully and ridicule you if you share your story.


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## Simisoccerfan (Oct 16, 2018)

Why is this posted in the DA thread?


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## soccer_soccer (Oct 16, 2018)

Simisoccerfan said:


> Why is this posted in the DA thread?


Because it’s on a DA team


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## End of the Line (Oct 16, 2018)

Simisoccerfan said:


> Why is this posted in the DA thread?


Yeah, don't mess with the DA.  The DA is perfect.  Move on.


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## espola (Oct 16, 2018)

push_up said:


> Don't do it soccer_soccer.  He will bully and ridicule you if you share your story.


What makes you say that?


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## Woobie06 (Oct 16, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> believe me if i told you the stories you would be appalled that these kind of things exist these days, let alone directed at kids


All I know is that if I found out my child was acting this way my kid would have big problem.  I want to know if my kid is doing those things or acting/speaking that way.  I want to address it/fix it.  It’s not ok,  Ignoring it is accepting it. I would like to think most parents feel this way.  Parents are responsible for setting the tone and the example with their kids.  An earlier post asked where did the kid hear/learn it in the first place...I agree, it starts with the parents.  That’s on the giving end....

On the receiving end, wow...it seems so much more complicated.  When to step in, when to let them fight their own battles, and how to teach/give them the tools to work through it.  It’s really hard, and I guess it depends on the situation, details, and specific circumstance.  Some battles the kids need to fight on their own, some they need help with, and some you need to just outright protect them.  Jealousy, racism, and bullying are all different things and there is not a singular answer in my opinion on how to handle it.


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## younothat (Oct 17, 2018)

Well this is timely or Yahoo is tracking what I read:

*Golfcart Gail' filmed calling cops on black man cheering on his son at soccer game*
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/golf-cart-gail-filmed-calling-cops-black-man-cheering-son-soccer-game-115149661.html

A woman riding past a teen soccer game on a golf cart in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla., last weekend decided to call the police on a man who was shouting out to his son on the field, say eyewitnesses.

Ginger Galore Williams, whose child is also on the team, captured photos from the incident and posted them to Facebook on Sunday. Williams implied that the act was racially motivated, as the woman in the golf cart — who turned out to be a field marshal — is white and the soccer dad is black.

Williams says the incident happened after the referee made a call that the man’s son wasn’t happy with. After the dad yelled out to the boy, “The ref is right!” the unidentified woman — seemingly a passerby not involved in the game — decided to confront him and “remind him that harassment would not be tolerated.”

Everything seems like its publicized noways with social media and its a shame that we have to frame these types of racially charged events when in reality just kids playing a game,  please remember the game is nothing without #respect


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## soccer_soccer (Oct 17, 2018)

This same parent culprit couple  years ago was approached by a black parent who introduced themselves and put his hand out to shake his hand since they were new to the team.  The parent looked at the guy and just walked away.  This parent is well known in the soccer world , a coach at the club, and other places.  They have connections and a foothold.  To say something would be huge.  Shame on the club for tolerating this kind of coach and for hiring them ... no one will ever say anything bc of the power they hold.


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## LASTMAN14 (Oct 17, 2018)

younothat said:


> Well this is timely or Yahoo is tracking what I read:
> 
> *Golfcart Gail' filmed calling cops on black man cheering on his son at soccer game*
> https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/golf-cart-gail-filmed-calling-cops-black-man-cheering-son-soccer-game-115149661.html
> ...


The field marshal jumped to conclusions and overreacted. When listening to their discussion with the authorities its obvious she did not look further into the matter by speaking with the ref's or possibly with other parents on the sideline. The women who filmed the interview obviously was an impartial witness. This situation was unnecessary and the field marshal is a POS.


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## beachbum (Oct 17, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> This same parent culprit couple  years ago was approached by a black parent who introduced themselves and put his hand out to shake his hand since they were new to the team.  The parent looked at the guy and just walked away.  This parent is well known in the soccer world , a coach at the club, and other places.  They have connections and a foothold.  To say something would be huge.  Shame on the club for tolerating this kind of coach and for hiring them ... no one will ever say anything bc of the power they hold.


Listen bigotry has no place anywhere but we all know that it is probably never going to go away.  You aren't born a bigot, it is taught.  Stupid people teach their kids to be bigots and you can't legislate that kind of thing.  However if a club hires a bigoted coach, they should be called out especially if they are doing it to kids on the field.  I for one as a parent on that team or if I heard it as an opposing parent would say something to the parent/coach about their comments. If i spoke to the parent and the behavior continued or if they told me to F off,  I would go to the club.  If that didn't work i would absolutely bring this up to a DA technical adviser.  I really don't care what power that person thinks he or she has.  They need to be torn down in a setting like this.  You can't force them not to teach their own children but you can sure a f%$k get them out of their job.   They need to be called out.
As far as kids doing this to other kids on the field, it is a form of bullying and needs to be handled as well.  Same path as above, go to the coach if he does nothing about it go to the director, if that doesn't work go to the Technical Adviser, all the way up to the federation in need be.  What people teach their kids behind closed doors you can't stop but you can stop them in a organized sport that is governed by the USSF.


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## outside! (Oct 17, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> This same parent culprit couple  years ago was approached by a black parent who introduced themselves and put his hand out to shake his hand since they were new to the team.  The parent looked at the guy and just walked away.  This parent is well known in the soccer world , a coach at the club, and other places.  They have connections and a foothold.  To say something would be huge.  Shame on the club for tolerating this kind of coach and for hiring them ... no one will ever say anything bc of the power they hold.


I had Chris Lemay do this to me when DD was new at Surf. That, coupled with other behavior I saw from him is the reason that I counsel people against having him as a coach. I don't think it was racism, since we are both caucasian. He is just an ass.

Back to your story, racism has no place anywhere. I would definitely talk to the DOC if I saw racist behavior by a coach or parent in youth soccer.


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## Surfref (Oct 17, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> They learn it from their parents.  what would you do if it's a parent on your kid's team that has said some passive aggressive racist remarks?  take it up with the coach? (doubt he will do anything) leave the team?


No, they learn it at school.  When my DD was 10 or 11y/o during our drive home from school she asked me what the words "wetback" and "dike" meant.  I asked her where she heard that and she said some girls were calling my DD friend those names.  We had a discussion about racist and sexist comments and how some people were just ignorant and felt the need to put others down just because of their race, gender, or how they looked.  That was an early lesson that she has carried into adulthood and will not allow racist or sexist people into her life.  She had a recent boyfriend that she dumped after he told her after a month of dating that he thought women were not mentally strong enough to be in the military and all gays should be kicked out of the military.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 17, 2018)

espola said:


> What makes you say that?


Because you are a dick, in any color.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 17, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> oh it happens alot... it's disgusting...


In my 4 years I haven't witnessed anything like this, an adult saying racist things to a player?
Crazy


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 17, 2018)

Surfref said:


> No, they learn it at school.  When my DD was 10 or 11y/o during our drive home from school she asked me what the words "wetback" and "dike" meant.  I asked her where she heard that and she said some girls were calling my DD friend those names.  We had a discussion about racist and sexist comments and how some people were just ignorant and felt the need to put others down just because of their race, gender, or how they looked.  That was an early lesson that she has carried into adulthood and will not allow racist or sexist people into her life.  She had a recent boyfriend that she dumped after he told her after a month of dating that he thought women were not mentally strong enough to be in the military and all gays should be kicked out of the military.


Sounds like a nice Republican boy.


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## LASTMAN14 (Oct 17, 2018)

Sheriff Joe said:


> Sounds like a nice Republican boy.


He sounds more like Neidermeyer.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 17, 2018)

LASTMAN14 said:


> He sounds more like Neidermeyer.


I don't know think women should be in combat, that is a man's job and I do believe they are better equipped to handle it.
Don't even get me started on the whole gay thing.


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## LASTMAN14 (Oct 17, 2018)

Sheriff Joe said:


> I don't know think women should be in combat, that is a man's job and I do believe they are better equipped to handle it.
> Don't even get me started on the whole gay thing.


Exactly why that guy is like Neidermeyer. He was disliked and killed  by his own troops in combat.


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## socalkdg (Oct 17, 2018)

Pretty sure here in Southern California we have some of the most diverse ethnicity of anywhere in the United States.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 18, 2018)

LASTMAN14 said:


> Exactly why that guy is like Neidermeyer. He was disliked and killed  by his own troops in combat.


Funny how things come up at the perfect time.
*Delingpole: The British Army Needs Less Feminism and more Tommy Robinson*


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## outside! (Oct 18, 2018)

socalkdg said:


> Pretty sure here in Southern California we have some of the most diverse ethnicity of anywhere in the United States.


True, but it is also very segregated due to the documented illegal collusion between realtors and banks such that minorities could not see or get loans for houses in certain neighborhoods that lasted into the early 1970's or possibly later.


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## jayjay (Oct 18, 2018)

Surfref said:


> No, they learn it at school.  When my DD was 10 or 11y/o during our drive home from school she asked me what the words "wetback" and "dike" meant.  I asked her where she heard that and she said some girls were calling my DD friend those names.  We had a discussion about racist and sexist comments and how some people were just ignorant and felt the need to put others down just because of their race, gender, or how they looked.  That was an early lesson that she has carried into adulthood and will not allow racist or sexist people into her life.  She had a recent boyfriend that she dumped after he told her after a month of dating that he thought women were not mentally strong enough to be in the military and all gays should be kicked out of the military.


But these kids learned it from their parents... or older siblings that learned it from their parents.  These parents are not having the same talks you are having or had with your daughter.  It's incredibly sad and scary that these attitudes still exist.  My daughter is bi-racial and she is incredibly proud of being black.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 18, 2018)

jayjay said:


> But these kids learned it from their parents... or older siblings that learned it from their parents.  These parents are not having the same talks you are having or had with your daughter.  It's incredibly sad and scary that these attitudes still exist.  My daughter is bi-racial and she is incredibly proud of being black.


As she should be. So she isn't proud of her other half?


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## espola (Oct 18, 2018)

Sheriff Joe said:


> As she should be. So she isn't proud of her other half?


Too many bad examples, like you and Arpaio.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 18, 2018)

espola said:


> Too many bad examples, like you and Arpaio.


So you think her other 1/2 is white?


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## espola (Oct 18, 2018)

Sheriff Joe said:


> So you think her other 1/2 is white?


So you agree that you and Arpaio are bad examples?


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 18, 2018)

espola said:


> So you agree that you and Arpaio are bad examples?


Bad examples of what?


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Oct 22, 2018)

espola said:


> So you agree that you and Arpaio are bad examples?


Oh look, passive aggressive bullying and racism in the thread about passive aggressive bullying and racism.


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## Surfref (Oct 22, 2018)

outside! said:


> True, but it is also very segregated due to the documented illegal collusion between realtors and banks such that minorities could not see or get loans for houses in certain neighborhoods that lasted into the early 1970's or possibly later.


We ran across my grandparents original land use permit from Los Angeles County issued in 1936.  One portion said something along the lines of, "This land use permit will be revoked if the land is used to house or sold to a person of Negro or Hispanic ancestry."  There were other similar racist stipulations including one that said the land could be used by Jews for housing only and may not be used to run any business out of or on. We were all in shock and my 16y/o nephew broke the silence with his statement, "I thought that shit only happened in the South."


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## outside! (Oct 22, 2018)

Surfref said:


> We ran across my grandparents original land use permit from Los Angeles County issued in 1936.  One portion said something along the lines of, "This land use permit will be revoked if the land is used to house or sold to a person of Negro or Hispanic ancestry."  There were other similar racist stipulations including one that said the land could be used by Jews for housing only and may not be used to run any business out of or on. We were all in shock and my 16y/o nephew broke the silence with his statement, "I thought that shit only happened in the South."


I was talking with my neighbor who was a high school history teacher in the 60's. He said participated in an undercover investigation where a white couple would ask about a house and get a loan approved. When a black couple asked about the same house, they were denied. He said this happened dozens of times all over San Diego.


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## Surfref (Oct 22, 2018)

outside! said:


> I was talking with my neighbor who was a high school history teacher in the 60's. He said participated in an undercover investigation where a white couple would ask about a house and get a loan approved. When a black couple asked about the same house, they were denied. He said this happened dozens of times all over San Diego.


That is just sad.


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## Sheriff Joe (Oct 22, 2018)

Surfref said:


> That is just sad.


Impossible to fathom.


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## jose (Oct 31, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> Just wanted to see the overall consensus on this topic?  is it normal?  part of soccer world?  passive aggressive parent bullying?  racism?  jealousy?  to be expected on any team?


my daughter has she has really really fair skin and red hair....has only heard racist comment from the latinos not asian or black players


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## outside! (Oct 31, 2018)

jose said:


> my daughter has she has really really fair skin and red hair....has only heard racist comment from the latinos not asian or black players


Years ago the latina and brunette players on DD's team objected when a player on the other team said "Come on! We can beat these blondies!" Her team had a good laugh about it after the game.


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## espola (Oct 31, 2018)

outside! said:


> Years ago the latina and brunette players on DD's team objected when a player on the other team said "Come on! We can beat these blondies!" Her team had a good laugh about it after the game.


My sons played together on a team one summer mostly made up of local Asians and Latinos.  After we beat a completely-Hispanic team from Riverside marked by a lot of referee involvement (verbal warnings, formal cautions, one of their players ejected after a hard foul on our keeper), one of their mothers while walking by the post-game team meeting complained about our "whitebread" team.  Our coach that day (a German immigrant) looked over the team gathered around him and responded "I think I am the only whitebread here".


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## Bruddah IZ (Nov 1, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> sorry, but I choose not to get detailed about it .. passive aggressive means not direct.  indirect racist, jealous mean comments.  racism is not direct always these days, it's subtle.


Can you give a detailed example?


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## Bruddah IZ (Nov 1, 2018)

soccer_soccer said:


> believe me if i told you the stories you would be appalled that these kind of things exist these days, let alone directed at kids


I read the Gosnell book.  I guarantee I won't be appalled by your stories compared to.


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