# what would you do.....



## soccerparent1 (Nov 12, 2017)

Our DD plays U17 for a fairly large club in So Cal.  Today we receive this message from our coach:

"Hello parents. I am writing to inform you I do not appreciate the talking behind me back asking for me to be fired. The team just won league and I'll let you know right now this is my ship and I'm in charge. I will not be inviting some of you back after high school season. If you don't like what's going on you can collect your card at practice and be gone and that's the end of it. I'm over the constant complaining and whining when the girls are doing well. So having said that I want to reiterate I am the coach and in charge and if you don't like it then leave. Cards will be at practice Tuesday for those who want"

Parents are annoyed because he didn't show up for 2 games during league play (had E-licensed manager sit on bench and do subs) and yesterday during SCDSL playoffs, was 13 minutes late and had player cards with him.  He kicked off the mangers daughter 3 weeks ago, so we didn't even have a manager to start the game.  Our girls were upset/nervous, etc. because they didn't know where he was and of course did not play to their potential.   Since it is the beginning of high school season it will be hard to find a new team prior to National Cup tie....


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## Rusty (Nov 12, 2017)

U17 so I would ultimately let the kid decide.  That being said the phrase, “this is my ship and I am in charge” would have me heading straight to the exits as a parent.  For some reason, youth sports coaches seem to forget who writes the checks to pay their salary.  Whether they like it or not, customer service is part of the job.  The fact that there was a coach & manager issue doesn’t sound terribly promising either...
That is my opinion as a coach.


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## Surfref (Nov 12, 2017)

soccerparent1 said:


> Our DD plays U17 for a fairly large club in So Cal.  Today we receive this message from our coach:
> 
> "Hello parents. I am writing to inform you I do not appreciate the talking behind me back asking for me to be fired. The team just won league and I'll let you know right now this is my ship and I'm in charge. I will not be inviting some of you back after high school season. If you don't like what's going on you can collect your card at practice and be gone and that's the end of it. I'm over the constant complaining and whining when the girls are doing well. So having said that I want to reiterate I am the coach and in charge and if you don't like it then leave. Cards will be at practice Tuesday for those who want"
> 
> Parents are annoyed because he didn't show up for 2 games during league play (had E-licensed manager sit on bench and do subs) and yesterday during SCDSL playoffs, was 13 minutes late and had player cards with him.  He kicked off the mangers daughter 3 weeks ago, so we didn't even have a manager to start the game.  Our girls were upset/nervous, etc. because they didn't know where he was and of course did not play to their potential.   Since it is the beginning of high school season it will be hard to find a new team prior to National Cup tie....


It sounds as if the coach has forgotten who the customer is and who is paying his salary.  It is also screwed up that the club does not listen to the concerns of the parents and mediate between coach and parents.  Screwed up of the parents not directly addressing the problems with the coach and DOC.  Coming on here and posting the coaches email doesn’t help the situation.  The coach does sound like a narcissistic a-hole and bully.

What to do?  Let the players sit down together and figure it out then address it with the coach.  If the players are happy with the club and playing together but dislike the coach’s behavior, the players and parents need to address the problem with the DOC and club president. 

My DD played for clubs that had teams unhappy with the coach, so the club moved the coach and assigned a new coach.  Clubs would much rather keep those 16-18 cash paying families than see them go to another club.  There are a ton of clubs that would welcome a winning team moving to their club and find them a good coach.


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## soccerparent1 (Nov 12, 2017)

Surfref said:


> It sounds as if the coach has forgotten who the customer is and who is paying his salary.  It is also screwed up that the club does not listen to the concerns of the parents and mediate between coach and parents.  Screwed up of the parents not directly addressing the problems with the coach and DOC.  Coming on here and posting the coaches email doesn’t help the situation.  The coach does sound like a narcissistic a-hole and bully.
> 
> What to do?  Let the players sit down together and figure it out then address it with the coach.  If the players are happy with the club and playing together but dislike the coach’s behavior, the players and parents need to address the problem with the DOC and club president.
> 
> My DD played for clubs that had teams unhappy with the coach, so the club moved the coach and assigned a new coach.  Clubs would much rather keep those 16-18 cash paying families than see them go to another club.  There are a ton of clubs that would welcome a winning team moving to their club and find them a good coach.


Thanks, about 2/3 of team is unhappy. Had a meeting with DOC, but he protects his coach. We are a “satellite” of a much larger club and this wil probably need to go to main club DOC to get resolved. DD is not sure what she wants to do, feels like she is getting good training, but coach’s stupid behavior keeps messing things up for team.


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## Surfref (Nov 12, 2017)

soccerparent1 said:


> Thanks, about 2/3 of team is unhappy. Had a meeting with DOC, but he protects his coach. We are a “satellite” of a much larger club and this wil probably need to go to main club DOC to get resolved. DD is not sure what she wants to do, feels like she is getting good training, but coach’s stupid behavior keeps messing things up for team.


IMHO, the 2/3 or more of the players/parents need to band together and start negotiating to move to another team.  I would call the coach’s bluff and have those 11-12 (2/3) players pick up their player cards and use the HS season to find a new club that will support them.  Why wait until after the HS season for the a-hole coach to determine who he is going to cut.  Do what is best for your kid and you control their future.  If the team moves during the HS season it would enable them to still play National Cup this year.  I bet the other 1/3 of players/parents will probably follow.  I am sure the a-hole coach will miss that monthly salary from that team.


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## Fact (Nov 12, 2017)

Did he have a valid reason for missing games and being late?  This sounds like Steveo where Surf protected his bad behavior until he got caught in a chase going the wrong way on the freeway.

Without DOC support, I would see if the team can move to a supportive club.


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## soccerparent1 (Nov 12, 2017)

Fact said:


> Did he have a valid reason for missing games and being late?  This sounds like Steveo where Surf protected his bad behavior until he got caught in a chase going the wrong way on the freeway.
> 
> Without DOC support, I would see if the team can move to a supportive club.


It is always coaching conflicts and he picks his favorite team (he has 3 teams). He feels the girls are old enough to coach themselves, so he doesn’t bother to find a coach to cover, I personally think he doesn’t want to ask anyone to cover his games because he might have to compensate them (?) I guess if my Dd is old enough to coach herself why am I paying him. He’s fairly young and coaching is his only source of income.


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## Surfref (Nov 12, 2017)

soccerparent1 said:


> ....... I guess if my Dd is old enough to coach herself why am I paying him. He’s fairly young and coaching is his only source of income.


Could not agree more.  You don’t pay your DD to coach herself.  

Time to abandon ship and let the coach go down with his sinking ship.  The majority of these girls probably only have one more year of youth soccer.  They should have fun during that last year and not have to deal with an a-hole coach.


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## uburoi (Nov 12, 2017)

Bummer. The relationship with this coach can not continue, sadly. Everyone paid for a year, so the coach is really asking players not to fulfill their commitments to support his own issues. I would forward his email to the head office. If corporate gets if from m a few parents, they’ll act. Don’t be emotional or make judgments. Just say you’re a concerned parent and ask for a response.


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## timbuck (Nov 12, 2017)

At u17, I'd expect the coach would be talking to the players more than the parents.  
At that age, all parents will be taking about the coach. Need to have a thick skin if your gonna coach high level players that are basically adults.


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## Frank (Nov 12, 2017)

Sounds like the parents are too involved.  If the player likes the coach that's the most important thing at U17. They are old enough to decide what works for them with parental support


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## rainbow_unicorn (Nov 12, 2017)

I think both parties are acting rashly.  Coach could definitely use this as a learning experience on how to better communicate w/o pissing off parents.  Parents overreacted by calling for firing because of no-show due to coaching conflicts.  Did parents even try to sit down with the coach first to express their opinions or did they go straight to the DOC asking for him to get fired?  I know I would not be happy if somebody went straight to my boss asking me to get fired w/o first coming to me to resolve.


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## soccerparent1 (Nov 12, 2017)

rainbow_unicorn said:


> I think both parties are acting rashly.  Coach could definitely use this as a learning experience on how to better communicate w/o pissing off parents.  Parents overreacted by calling for firing because of no-show due to coaching conflicts.  Did parents even try to sit down with the coach first to express their opinions or did they go straight to the DOC asking for him to get fired?  I know I would not be happy if somebody went straight to my boss asking me to get fired w/o first coming to me to resolve.


As far as I know, no one, including myself, has asked that he be fired. I have only asked that he make sure his games are covered.  DOC had a meeting with parents 3-4 weeks ago and assured us all our games would be covered.  We also asked that coach send group texts to parents regarding team issues such as practice changes/cancellations/ etc., since we no longer had a manager to communicate with us,  but first communication we as parents receive from coach all season is the one I posted above, he tells the girls to tell their parents to butt out and let him do his job.


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## Fact (Nov 12, 2017)

rainbow_unicorn said:


> I think both parties are acting rashly.  Coach could definitely use this as a learning experience on how to better communicate w/o pissing off parents.  Parents overreacted by calling for firing because of no-show due to coaching conflicts.  Did parents even try to sit down with the coach first to express their opinions or did they go straight to the DOC asking for him to get fired?  I know I would not be happy if somebody went straight to my boss asking me to get fired w/o first coming to me to resolve.


People that don't show up for work without calling in sick and without a valid reason are fired.  It is no excuse not to have coverage for his games especially since the team might have to forfeit.  Not your responsibility to teach this punk how to be accountable.  Move the team so your dd can enjoy what time she has left playing soccer.


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## soccerparent1 (Nov 12, 2017)

Fact said:


> People that don't show up for work without calling in sick and without a valid reason are fired.  It is no excuse not to have coverage for his games especially since the team might have to forfeit.  Not your responsibility to teach this punk how to be accountable.  Move the team so your dd can enjoy what time she has left playing soccer.


I think this is the anology I’m looking for.


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## Surfref (Nov 12, 2017)

soccerparent1 said:


> I think this is the anology I’m looking for.


You need to move the players as a group to keep the chemistry and friendships together.


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## Simisoccerfan (Nov 13, 2017)

If you daughter and most of the other girls on the team are not looking to play college soccer it should be relatively easy move to another club after HS.  If they are looking to get recruited I am not sure making waves with this larger club helps you right now.  The club will likely take the coaches side.  I know that sucks but you could end up without a good place to play until next summer missing out on any showcases and National Cup at a very critical time (Junior year).   If your daughter was younger I definitely would not put up with the coach.   The good news is that you won your league so something must be going right.   Good luck!


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## sandshark (Nov 13, 2017)

Could you imagine that attitude coming from an employee at Walmart or any other place of business!? This is simply because his customers are voicing their concern for poor service and not getting what they paid for. Is he going to refund everyone a % of the sign up fee's, tournament fee's, uni form fee's along % refund for not getting the product they were sold? HELL NO he is not planing on refunding anyone for anything.  Another example of people accepting this as OK in business, it is not OK in the real world! And what kind of example is this to the kids on the team? It is wrong in anyway you look at it. BAD EXAMPLE of customer serive from all involved.


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## Frank (Nov 13, 2017)

sandshark said:


> Could you imagine that attitude coming from an employee at Walmart or any other place of business!? This is simply because his customers are voicing their concern for poor service and not getting what they paid for. Is he going to refund everyone a % of the sign up fee's, tournament fee's, uni form fee's along % refund for not getting the product they were sold? HELL NO he is not planing on refunding anyone for anything.  Another example of people accepting this as OK in business, it is not OK in the real world! And what kind of example is this to the kids on the team? It is wrong in anyway you look at it. BAD EXAMPLE of customer serive from all involved.


You also don't let your customers run your business or the inmates run the Asylum.  Two sides to every story.  I'm sure the coach missing games or being late wasn't because he is off surfing.  probably at another team or something.  Every coach has multiple teams and has conflicts.  Sounds like 1 game he had his manager fill in and another made it there but was a little late.  In the world of club soccer those are so low on the list of things to be upset about as a parent.   

I still think if the players are in to being on the team damn what the parents think at U17.  keep writing your check.


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## Deadpoolscores! (Nov 13, 2017)

Frank said:


> You also don't let your customers run your business or the inmates run the Asylum.  Two sides to every story.  I'm sure the coach missing games or being late wasn't because he is off surfing.  probably at another team or something.  Every coach has multiple teams and has conflicts.  Sounds like 1 game he had his manager fill in and another made it there but was a little late.  In the world of club soccer those are so low on the list of things to be upset about as a parent.
> 
> I still think if the players are in to being on the team damn what the parents think at U17.  keep writing your check.


I think another part of this scenario was that the coach got tired of hearing parents taking behind his back, some coaches have thick skin some don't. It's extremely rare to hear that no one has talked behind a coaches back.


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## Chalklines (Nov 13, 2017)

sandshark said:


> Could you imagine that attitude coming from an employee at Walmart or any other place of business!? This is simply because his customers are voicing their concern for poor service and not getting what they paid for. Is he going to refund everyone a % of the sign up fee's, tournament fee's, uni form fee's along % refund for not getting the product they were sold? HELL NO he is not planing on refunding anyone for anything.  Another example of people accepting this as OK in business, it is not OK in the real world! And what kind of example is this to the kids on the team? It is wrong in anyway you look at it. BAD EXAMPLE of customer serive from all involved.


So parents want customer service for youth sports now along with equal playing time and trophys for all? 

Is the coach and club at fault here? Sure,  but why don't we put the blame down the midde to be fair. I'm sure the bitching from some of these parents is what provked the email in the first place. 

Sometimes just like in bussiness you need to know when to walk away and stop letting $$$$ & cents make it an emotional decision.


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## espola (Nov 13, 2017)

soccerparent1 said:


> It is always coaching conflicts and he picks his favorite team *(he has 3 teams).* He feels the girls are old enough to coach themselves, so he doesn’t bother to find a coach to cover, I personally think he doesn’t want to ask anyone to cover his games because he might have to compensate them (?) I guess if my Dd is old enough to coach herself why am I paying him. He’s fairly young and coaching is his only source of income.


I think I see your problem.


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## sandshark (Nov 13, 2017)

Frank said:


> You also don't let your customers run your business or the inmates run the Asylum.  Two sides to every story.  I'm sure the coach missing games or being late wasn't because he is off surfing.  probably at another team or something.  Every coach has multiple teams and has conflicts.  Sounds like 1 game he had his manager fill in and another made it there but was a little late.  In the world of club soccer those are so low on the list of things to be upset about as a parent.
> 
> I still think if the players are in to being on the team damn what the parents think at U17.  keep writing your check.


Frank
Your wrong, your customers are your business! And if you have more than one customer with the same complaint you need to really take a hard look at why this is happening. I'm guessing the only issue is not this coach being late? I will also say if this is the only issue this coach has had and this is his response to his customers complaining he also has some deep issues he needs to get a grip on, do you think if it really was only two issues of parents complaining this is the correct reaction? "My ship,  go away,  here is your kids card" REALLY does that sound like good customer service?

Dead Poo
The coach got tired of parents (as in plural) talking behind his back? Well again if he has several parents picking on him he should pull his head out of his ass and figure out why he has so many talking behind his back.
Now if he has one parent riding his ass full time and literally starting crap all over the team, then YA tell that cancer to take a hike!


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## sandshark (Nov 13, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> So parents want customer service for youth sports now along with equal playing time and trophys for all?
> 
> Is the coach and club at fault here? Sure, but why don't we put the blame down the midde to be fair. I'm sure the bitching from some of these parents is what provked the email in the first place.
> 
> Sometimes just like in bussiness you need to know when to walk away and stop letting $$$$ & cents make it an emotional decision.


Oh ha ha no way do I think all players deserve equal playing time or trophies. 
RE: Is the company/club  and its employee at fault, hell yes it is, when people are paying you for a service you don't get to split "the blame" that is why they hired your club to provide a professional coach to train their children. When you accept their payment for your services you now become the responsible professional expected to provide the product promised. You don't get to keep the money and split the blame!  WTH are you thinking? So lets say..Ok split the blame and return 1/2 the fee's, think that will work on the 50/50 split? 
And trust me non of these parents are considering the money as the factor for their passion when dealing with the issues, coaches and club, they are parents trying to deal with the fact they think their child is being unfairly treated! Its the clubs that put the money before the children!


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## charlie murphy (Nov 14, 2017)

Been in this situation with a team. In our case it was one or two parents that started the conversations to stir the pot with other parents and once they swayed enough people,  the pressure was put on the "others" . It was put out there as "all of us are going to move and 'we' wanted to let you know so that 'you' can be part of 'our' team. blah , blah , blah.... 'we will be better ' ....'you won't have to deal with  ***'..... we will have this .....It is always better.  In the end you realize who started the commotion and suddenly they are the new fave of the coach, probably the 'new manager', always in the coaches ear  and little joey is the "new " starting forward. You find out the new coach that been working with Joey for the past 6 months privately because of all the 'dysfunction' at the old club.  I would say talk to the coach as a group sounds like he / she need to get some stuff off his chest, forget the DOC they are always going to protect the brand. It sounds like 2/3 of the team also needs to say something.  They should man up and if they have something to say about something or someone say it to their face.   then finally , 1/3 can see who they believe. If it seems like it may be a bit more hostile meet in a public space. Good luck . support your kid is guess is the best advice. maybe the kids need to decide what they want that is the ultimate driver in this case .


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## jose (Nov 14, 2017)

Sounds like the coach has rabbit ears.   Don't be such a P***y. Just do your job. My DD was on a team and the parents were losing their minds even though he said at the pre season meeting they would lose most of their games. They wanted a meeting. He didn't get mad he simply said I don't do parent meetings if anyone has issue ill talk to them.  Thats how it was. Nobody said a word after that. You coach kids you manage parents


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## PLSAP (Nov 30, 2017)

soccerparent1 said:


> Our DD plays U17 for a fairly large club in So Cal.  Today we receive this message from our coach:
> 
> "Hello parents. I am writing to inform you I do not appreciate the talking behind me back asking for me to be fired. The team just won league and I'll let you know right now this is my ship and I'm in charge. I will not be inviting some of you back after high school season. If you don't like what's going on you can collect your card at practice and be gone and that's the end of it. I'm over the constant complaining and whining when the girls are doing well. So having said that I want to reiterate I am the coach and in charge and if you don't like it then leave. Cards will be at practice Tuesday for those who want"
> 
> Parents are annoyed because he didn't show up for 2 games during league play (had E-licensed manager sit on bench and do subs) and yesterday during SCDSL playoffs, was 13 minutes late and had player cards with him.  He kicked off the mangers daughter 3 weeks ago, so we didn't even have a manager to start the game.  Our girls were upset/nervous, etc. because they didn't know where he was and of course did not play to their potential.   Since it is the beginning of high school season it will be hard to find a new team prior to National Cup tie....


I agree with almost everyone on this thread saying you should just have a couple of these girls come together, and in a way, call his bluff. If they truly want to have a good season, looking to continue playing, etc, it won't be hard to find a new team to support them. They are in an considerably unhealthy environment for the soccer state of mind where they don't know what's going on, they come to practice not knowing if they will be "kicked off" that day, they don't know what their coach is going to do - - all bad. For someone seeming to be claiming to be in such an unprofessional position that it exhausts him - because the relationship b/t a player, parent, coach, and club is and should be professional -- he has acted very immaturely in calling out parents, basically saying "I'm tired of this", texting out the message instead of calling together a meeting, and like mentioned before, forgetting the relationship b/t you and him and that you the parents pay him. It seems to me that he thinks that you are paying to have him coach and that he is such a high level coach when in reality you are paying for your daughter to have A coach, to play at A club, and to have exposure and get better. Independent of him. Wouldn't want my kid in that position with a coach that has shown his colors in what looks to me like a tantrum of someone unable to handle conflict or opposition.


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## SoccerFan4Life (Nov 30, 2017)

At u17, just let your DD finish the season with her friends. If it's a winning team and you just have state cup then just let it go.  Why are parents complaining if the team is winning and he missed a few games?  That happens often with coaches that have 2 teams.


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## Multi Sport (Nov 30, 2017)

jose said:


> Sounds like the coach has rabbit ears.


Wow.. you made my night. Haven't heard the term Rabbit Ears in years! Good memories, fun memories....


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## jose (Nov 30, 2017)

Multi Sport said:


> Wow.. you made my night. Haven't heard the term Rabbit Ears in years! Good memories, fun memories....


My pleasure Multi. Time to bring it back


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## Josep (Dec 1, 2017)

U17.  This seems like the end of the line isn’t it?

Fall season is over. HS is underway.  If you got your value from summer tourneys and fall, what are you hanging around for?  National Cup?

Time to go.  If these kids aren’t playing college, maybe This is the harsh end of their run.  

Best thing to do with this coach is to take the future income away. If all of you want to play, take your group to a new club and get a new coach.


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## Not_that_Serious (Dec 1, 2017)

so few issues. A) People talking behind people's backs. Dont do it. Be direct. Dont like something tell them. Dont be an ass, dont be demanding, just have a conversation. I think people have lost the ability to hold conversations with the advent of tech. Which brings up the other avenue - text. if you are not one to talk in person, text or email.  B)If someone is missing games or late, ask why? Coaches should tell you why. Coaches often have multiple teams and tons of conflict. Coaches should also address the team at the beginning of the season about the conflicts. At 17 the team shouldnt need to be puppeted to play at their highest potential - even at u13 kids shouldnt be joysticked. C) Satellite Club - They typically dont care other than kids are signing up and they have numbers. Hard to get really good coaches at these satellites. These coaches usually have been through a few clubs and use the club to fill-in work. They probably coach HS/College or have other teams somewhere. Thus you are not the priority. 

I know parents hate when a coach misses a game, but the Club sets the schedule. They should know if a coach has multiple team. Even when they do, and try to accommodate, games overlap. Seen entire groups of kids move over to other places. Seeing it with two teams currently - to the point where the kids are willing to sit out state/national cup to move. Main thing is to keep the kids happy. If they are not happy, time to move.


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## Not_that_Serious (Dec 1, 2017)

Josep said:


> U17.  This seems like the end of the line isn’t it?
> 
> Fall season is over. HS is underway.  If you got your value from summer tourneys and fall, what are you hanging around for?  National Cup?
> 
> ...


if the guy is that mad, ask for a clean release.


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