# Breaking up the band...coaches



## Jose has returned (Apr 21, 2020)

My DD has only switch clubs twice she is now U16.  Both times the coaches have gone crazy and abruptly hang up the phone after you tell them your DD will be playing somewhere else.  Is this normal or are there any coaches that just wish your DD well and welcome them back in the future should it work out that way?  It just seem like bad form to talk to people like that.


----------



## dad4 (Apr 21, 2020)

Jose has returned said:


> My DD has only switch clubs twice she is now U16.  Both times the coaches have gone crazy and abruptly hang up the phone after you tell them your DD will be playing somewhere else.  Is this normal or are there any coaches that just wish your DD well and welcome them back in the future should it work out that way?  It just seem like bad form to talk to people like that.


Our last coach was great when we left.  Listened well, totally understood the reasons, told us the limits of what the club could and couldn't do to help if we stayed.  We told him in person, and warned him when we started looking.

Just depends on the people.  This was also small club to large, so this wasn't the first time he'd lost a kid.  I still recommend the old club.


----------



## Technician72 (Apr 22, 2020)

Jose has returned said:


> My DD has only switch clubs twice she is now U16.  Both times the coaches have gone crazy and abruptly hang up the phone after you tell them your DD will be playing somewhere else.  Is this normal or are there any coaches that just wish your DD well and welcome them back in the future should it work out that way?  It just seem like bad form to talk to people like that.


Our most recent experiences were unique and different between my oldest and youngest DDs.

Oldest played 2 years for Jenny Hammond / Neil Powell at Pats DA, my DD had the conversation with Neil in person. It was a good opportunity for her to take accountability and responsibility for a tough conversation based on her decision. He was professional, wished her well and reached out to my wife and I afterwards to share some positive comments about the young lady she was and how she had conducted herself during that conversation. Nothing bad to say regarding that process, professionally received and handled by Neil and Pats.

For my youngest it was the complete opposite, after training / playing for the same coach over the course of 6-7 years it was time for a change as my DD had expressed concerns over verbal / mental / psychological abuse that occurred during her last year playing for said coach. My youngest is a GK and had been the foundation of the teams she played on where this coach was either her GK trainer / Head Coach. As the team transitioned to ECNL and the spotlight for "success" was on said coach, his approach went from "tough love" to downright concerning. My wife and I checked in with my daughter as we began to see signs of something not being right, and thankfully she was proactive in informing us before things got worse. The mind games in particular were concerning. We took the "high road" and informed the coach that we'd be moving at the mid season break, because our DD needed a change in scenery. We thanked him for the good work he did with our DD and left it at that.

He was good for her in particular in those first 3-5 years as he was a good GK coach, just not as a Head Coach. We chose to try and leave on a good note and it took all of 1 day to get bombarded with the gossip / texts from families on the team showing the coaches true colors towards our family and comments he had made after our departure. Even got a few text copies of him communicating with parents on our DD's current team, asking to monitor her "development" and playing time so that he could be ready to brag upon news of her failure after the move.

I wish for families to have experiences like the one we had at Pats, where a coach / club understand the consumer's rights and leave the door open to earn your business back someday, but alas I feel it is sadly more negative experiences than positives out there.


----------



## Soccer22 (Apr 22, 2020)

My daughter switched clubs, for reasons non-related to soccer, and it was handled with complete professionalism and offers to return if circumstances changed. It was also with Pats and from the coach to the DOC they were helpful and professional. I was thankful to have that experience with a club I had already thought highly of.


----------



## pokergod (Apr 22, 2020)

Jose has returned said:


> My DD has only switch clubs twice she is now U16.  Both times the coaches have gone crazy and abruptly hang up the phone after you tell them your DD will be playing somewhere else.  Is this normal or are there any coaches that just wish your DD well and welcome them back in the future should it work out that way?  It just seem like bad form to talk to people like that.


I think there is an early test to see how a club will act. Ask the policy on guesting.  Certain clubs and coaches do not allow guesting.  They don't want you seeing or experiencing anything else.  Those are also the clubs that act badly if you try out elsewhere or leave.  Other coaches and clubs say they want you if you want them and feel free to guest and see what is out there.  Those are also the clubs that will wish you well and be positive if things end.  One is acting like a cult and the other understands the kid/family is the consumer.


----------



## Jose has returned (Apr 22, 2020)

Pats seem to be professionals all the way around very nice to hear that about a club.


----------



## Technician72 (Apr 22, 2020)

pokergod said:


> I think there is an early test to see how a club will act. Ask the policy on guesting.  Certain clubs and coaches do not allow guesting.  They don't want you seeing or experiencing anything else.  Those are also the clubs that act badly if you try out elsewhere or leave.  Other coaches and clubs say they want you if you want them and feel free to guest and see what is out there.  Those are also the clubs that will wish you well and be positive if things end.  One is acting like a cult and the other understands the kid/family is the consumer.


Couldn't agree more on the "guesting" test. It's very telling.


----------



## Messi>CR7 (Apr 22, 2020)

Jose has returned said:


> Pats seem to be professionals all the way around very nice to hear that about a club.


Currently on their website they openly show what % of your fees go where, and what will get refunded due to Covid-19.  Very professional indeed.


----------



## Soccer43 (Apr 22, 2020)

Jose has returned said:


> My DD has only switch clubs twice she is now U16.  Both times the coaches have gone crazy and abruptly hang up the phone after you tell them your DD will be playing somewhere else.  Is this normal or are there any coaches that just wish your DD well and welcome them back in the future should it work out that way?  It just seem like bad form to talk to people like that.


Common experience of hostility/ resentment from coach and certain parents that are pissed you are leaving the team


----------



## coachrefparent (Apr 22, 2020)

Technician72 said:


> Our most recent experiences were unique and different between my oldest and youngest DDs.
> 
> Oldest played 2 years for Jenny Hammond / Neil Powell at Pats DA, my DD had the conversation with Neil in person. It was a good opportunity for her to take accountability and responsibility for a tough conversation based on her decision. He was professional, wished her well and reached out to my wife and I afterwards to share some positive comments about the young lady she was and how she had conducted herself during that conversation. Nothing bad to say regarding that process, professionally received and handled by Neil and Pats.
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing your experience. Although, it's unfortunate that you let us know the good coaches, but hide the name of the one that stalked you and bad mouthed your kid to her new club.  It would help a lot of people to know the latter one.


----------



## Technician72 (Apr 23, 2020)

coachrefparent said:


> Thanks for sharing your experience. Although, it's unfortunate that you let us know the good coaches, but hide the name of the one that stalked you and bad mouthed your kid to her new club.  It would help a lot of people to know the latter one.


I've wrestled with that quite a bit and have tried to break away and leave it behind our family. I also know that this was our experience and even though I know of quite a few other families who went through the same thing with this person, @Dominic and myself know there are certain rules with accusations, however true I may know them to be, to tie that to someone's name here on the boards.

I've had a few people reach out via DM to confirm their experiences with this coach as well and some ask for that information privately so as to avoid a similar experience. I will refrain from posting it directly here, but I'm willing to share that privately with someone who asks via DM. It's not that difficult to connect the dots either, I've been pretty open that my girls play out in the Inland Empire and they're in the 04 and 06 age groups.

But I do agree with you that both good experiences and bad should be shared to inform and protect others from our lessons learned.


----------



## gkrent (May 14, 2020)

We also had a great experience with NP at Pats, and a downright nasty, borderline abusive experience (including a nastygram directly in email to my 16 YO, threatening to badmouth her to her college coach, etc.  really sh*tty).  That coach is now at the Blues (AR).  Also had strange interaction with another blues coach attempting to recruit same player, and when she passed, his reaction was not what I would describe as "professional"


----------

