# How to leave a team?!?!?



## LilStriker (Jun 1, 2017)

Ok, so that experiment was a total disaster!

For details, you can check out previous thread here: http://socalsoccer.com/threads/made-the-flight-1-a-team-mistake-or-suck-it-up.2897/

In short, we made this nightmare team. Coach was a pretty good developmental coach, but it's become clear he's chosen his favorite star players (all players from last year) and has no real intention of giving our DD much playing time. We approached him about it and he said she's close to starting but needs to do XYZ. I call BS. I know many won't believe me but she regularly outplays at least half her teammates in practice and in matches and still doesn't start. Anyhow, in spite of starting to get to know some of the parents, my DD needs to get playing time and so I've got some questions:

1) What's the best/wisest way to go about leaving this team at this time of year? Do we bother giving him an ultimatum on giving her more playing time?  Or do we just start calling/working out with other teams/clubs first until we decide what to do?

2) What if we'd be open to playing on the B team (which seems to have a much healthier group of parents) - should we give our current coach the heads up? I figure the B team coach will call him to ask about it anyway.

3) What if the B team is our first priority - we think the players are good, they seem to like our DD, and the parents are pretty cool. Do we not contact outside clubs yet until we get an answer from the B team coach?  Several clubs have actively tried to recruit our DD, their teams aren't as strong, but the coaches have really wanted to bring our DD on board and we've kept in touch. Out of respect, the last thing I want is to "dangle that carrot" and reject them again.

I feel like this is like wanting to quit your job - hehe. except ironically, I'm the one paying... is this not crazy?!?!

Anyhow, any advice would be greatly appreciated!


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## chargerfan (Jun 1, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Ok, so that experiment was a total disaster!
> 
> For details, you can check out previous thread here: http://socalsoccer.com/threads/made-the-flight-1-a-team-mistake-or-suck-it-up.2897/
> 
> ...


I'm confused. Are you just reposting or is there new information?


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## LilStriker (Jun 1, 2017)

New information is that last time in spite of everyone telling us we should find a new team, we decided to give it more time... that was a failure. Now we're deciding to leave the team - We've never left a team after already signing with a club, so any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated - would rather not burn bridges ya know?


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## MyDaughtersAKeeper (Jun 1, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> New information is that last time in spite of everyone telling us we should find a new team, we decided to give it more time... that was a failure. Now we're deciding to leave the team - We've never left a team after already signing with a club, so any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated - would rather not burn bridges ya know?


If you end up leaving after committing, bridges will probably be burned.  Maybe less of an issue if you stay with the same club.  Keep in mind that we as parents have a hard time being objective about our kids, and their level of play/how much they should play/the talent level of the other kids/if the coach has an actual plan to develop the kids/etc...

That said:
1 - It is hard to get better riding the pine,
2 - If your kid isn't happy, find something else.  
Good luck.


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## LilStriker (Jun 1, 2017)

MyDaughtersAKeeper said:


> If you end up leaving after committing, bridges will probably be burned.  Maybe less of an issue if you stay with the same club.  Keep in mind that we as parents have a hard time being objective about our kids, and their level of play/how much they should play/the talent level of the other kids/if the coach has an actual plan to develop the kids/etc...
> 
> That said:
> 1 - It is hard to get better riding the pine,
> ...


Thanks. So that's another question - by bridges burned, does that mean that if later on we decide to tryout again for this club with a different coach it will be held against us?


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## Eagle33 (Jun 1, 2017)

Is this coming from you or your DD is the one who is not happy? That would be the biggest question.


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## chargerfan (Jun 1, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> New information is that last time in spite of everyone telling us we should find a new team, we decided to give it more time... that was a failure. Now we're deciding to leave the team - We've never left a team after already signing with a club, so any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated - would rather not burn bridges ya know?



Just tell them you feel like it is the right decision for your daughter to go to a team where she is happier and getting more play time. There's no way to guarantee you are not burning a bridge, but if you are professional about it, they should understand.


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## Frank (Jun 1, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> New information is that last time in spite of everyone telling us we should find a new team, we decided to give it more time... that was a failure. Now we're deciding to leave the team - We've never left a team after already signing with a club, so any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated - would rather not burn bridges ya know?


Consider it burned. Who cares.  You don't plan on going back. Also, if you did the people involved then likely wont be involved anymore.

Find where you like. Try out and get a commitment.  When you have that go to your existing team and explain that you didn't feel it was the right place for your DD and you wish them luck. Just make sure all your bills are paid and you  return anything that needs to be returned.  You are not the first or last player that will come and go from a team.  the team will continue and from the sounds of it they are losing what they considered a bench player so they won't take it to hard.  just my 3 cents......


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## chargerfan (Jun 1, 2017)

MyDaughtersAKeeper said:


> If you end up leaving after committing, bridges will probably be burned.  Maybe less of an issue if you stay with the same club.  Keep in mind that we as parents have a hard time being objective about our kids, and their level of play/how much they should play/the talent level of the other kids/if the coach has an actual plan to develop the kids/etc...
> 
> That said:
> 1 - It is hard to get better riding the pine,
> ...


I agree about objectivity. Many parents think their child is the next (Julie Johnson, alex Morgan, Sydney leroux, etc) and can't see their shortcomings. But if you think she is better than most of the girls on the top team I can't imagine you would be happy with her on the b team. I recommend waiting to see if she gets an outside offer before talking to the b team coach.


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## LilStriker (Jun 1, 2017)

Eagle33 said:


> Is this coming from you or your DD is the one who is not happy? That would be the biggest question.


My DD never really felt a part of the team. She's happy because she likes to play soccer and doesn't care about the politics - she enjoys training, definitely wants more playing time and has been busting her ass because she believes if she works harder she'll get to - she wants to earn it. But it's become increasingly clear to me that politics are going to keep her from getting more playing time regardless of how good she gets. She also mentions every now and then wanting to play with the B team girls instead since they're nicer to her.


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## LilStriker (Jun 1, 2017)

chargerfan said:


> I agree about objectivity. Many parents think their child is the next (Julie Johnson, alex Morgan, Sydney leroux, etc) and can't see their shortcomings. But if you think she is better than most of the girls on the top team I can't imagine you would be happy with her on the b team. I recommend waiting to see if she gets an outside offer before talking to the b team coach.


I have no problem if she starts the the B team, it's actually a pretty decent team with a good group of girls, most importantly, the parents all get along and they keep it fun for the girls. There are things my daughter does well and things she needs to work on.


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## chargerfan (Jun 1, 2017)

I remember your daughter being on the younger side. I wouldn't worry about any of this and just go where she is happy.


LilStriker said:


> I have no problem if she starts the the B team, it's actually a pretty decent team with a good group of girls, most importantly, the parents all get along and they keep it fun for the girls. There are things my daughter does well and things she needs to work on.


 I think honestly the only advice there is to give is s*** or get off the pot. Decide whether the b team or another club is the right fit then let the coach know asap.


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## LASTMAN14 (Jun 1, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> I have no problem if she starts the the B team, it's actually a pretty decent team with a good group of girls, most importantly, the parents all get along and they keep it fun for the girls. There are things my daughter does well and things she needs to work on.


Play on the second team with in your club. You mentioned that it seems like somewhere she would like to be.


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## LilStriker (Jun 1, 2017)

chargerfan said:


> I remember your daughter being on the younger side. I wouldn't worry about any of this and just go where she is happy.
> 
> 
> I think honestly the only advice there is to give is s*** or get off the pot. Decide whether the b team or another club is the right fit then let the coach know asap.


Love it. Do I tell our current coach first or just go to the B team coach first?


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## chargerfan (Jun 1, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Love it. Do I tell our current coach first or just go to the B team coach first?


Current coach. He should be the first to know you want to leave the team.


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## DefenseWins (Jun 1, 2017)

Since you have already committed to the club, and it doesn't seem that your DD minds playing with the B team, my suggestion would be to have the conversation with the A team coach first.  Thank him for the opportunity, but you feel that she needs more game minutes, and that you feel that the B team may be a better fit for her.  Not to mention, personality wise, she clicks with those girls more, and she just needs to be having fun right now.  Also ask about A team opportunities.  i.e.  Can she play with them whenever her team isn't playing.  Can she train with them whenever her team isn't training, etc.  

Not sure what club you are at, but you may want to get the DOC involved as well.  Most of the time, they are the ones doing the movement, if you're at a larger club.


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## jose (Jun 1, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Ok, so that experiment was a total disaster!
> Be straight forward. don't let emotion get the best of you. state facts. he/she may agree that a B team is best situation. If you haven't paid then don't worry about it. We the parents control the money. Always always do what is in the best interest of your DD not matter what. I got burned and stayed one year too long. We moved clubs and they value what my DD brings. good luck
> 
> 
> ...


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## LilStriker (Jun 1, 2017)

Thanks everyone. Spoke to my DD and she's entirely supportive of making the change, in fact, looking forward to it. There ARE a couple of girls she's gotten to know that she'll miss, but in general, she's pretty excited regardless where she ends up.


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## outside! (Jun 1, 2017)

Good luck to Litle LilStriker.


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## Surfref (Jun 1, 2017)

If she is U13 and younger, just go find a new team.  Also, go find her a good one-on-one soccer trainer not affiliated with the club she is playing at.  If she is HS age, then you need to be careful about how you leave.  I have know a few coaches to bad mouth players to college recruiters.


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## LilStriker (Jun 2, 2017)

This article was pivotal in our decision, so though I would share - it's in a basketball forum but I think it still applies. 

https://www.competitivedge.com/unfair-coach

What stood out to me was the line: 

"Sometimes he may assure you that indeed you are getting close to breaking into the line-up and if you just did A, B or C a little bit more, you'd get there. But when you do, nothing ever changes!"

The realization we've come to is he really hasn't been paying attention to her and already had in his mind from day one who he wanted to develop and play. When we asked for feedback he had to think about it and said she needs to just do XYZ  but I actually have on video her doing those things very well already - in fact way more consistently than the starters. So then he said she needs to work on something else and again it's something she undeniably outperforms her teammates - I know what her weaknesses are and they are obvious - at least name one of those! 

He's a good coach in terms of approach to the game, but at the end of the day, of we're paying for our kids to play and develop, they need to get a fair shake. If the coach doesn't think she's good enough to even get decent playing time on the team or to invest in, he shouldn't have recruited her. Once he takes her on the team, he has a responsibility to treat her fairly. sometimes that won't happen, and if that's the case, it's not a coach you want to play for. At least this is my takeway from this experience...


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## Soccer43 (Jun 2, 2017)

You are making the right decision to make a change.  If the coach is not interested in your DD, for whatever reason, it is not the right place for her.  If you were to stay you will continue to be unhappy and it will never change.  Either he is interested or he isn't.  Once a coach classifies your daughter in a certain way, that often does not change.

No matter how well planned out and mature you are about the change, you will find some coaches, DOC's, parents and other players that may act out in some inappropriate way about your decision but you have no control over this.   As long as you are making the decision that is best for your player that is all you can do.

You should talk to your current coach first, don't criticize him or his decisions just make it about finding a better fit and development and thank him for his time.  Funny, how paying customers are nervous about expecting customer satisfaction and if they express they are not happy with the product they often get punished by the vendors of the product.


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## timbuck (Jun 2, 2017)

How many games has this team played?
Not starting is not the same as not getting minutes.  How much is she playing in a game?
Does she only play 1 position?  (Her choice or the coach?)
Remember too- if she starts then another kid sits.  And that parent is pissed off too.


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## timbuck (Jun 2, 2017)

A little bit more insight on the mind of a coach-
A team needs to substitute at some point.  If you have your absolute best 11 (or 9, I dont remember what age we are talking about here) on for the 1st 10 minutes and then swap out for 3 "lesser" players, then the next 10 minutes could be trouble for your team.  So maybe you have 1 or 2 of the "lesser" players starting the game and then when you sub, your team is just as strong or stronger than how you started.
Or -  has a kid missed practice once in a while (with probably a very valid reason).  I may start a "lesser" player if a "star" player has missed more practices lately.
I back 4 are typically the same week after week. And they play the most minutes. (when they were younger we rotated positions a lot.  Still do a little bit)  My mid and front line are somewhat interchangeable and I play a variety of combinations, with different players starting or coming off of the bench for a variety of reasons.

How many on the roster?


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## Joe Diaz (Jun 2, 2017)

timbuck said:


> How many games has this team played?
> Not starting is not the same as not getting minutes.  How much is she playing in a game?
> Does she only play 1 position?  (Her choice or the coach?)
> Remember too- if she starts then another kid sits.  And that parent is pissed off too.


In theory, you suppose to give more time to the better players so the ones who need to improve would work harder to increase that playing time.  This is not AYSO.  Everyone plays an equal amount of time.  I don't get mad when my DD doesn't play the whole game or even 20 min.  This is telling me and her the she needs to practice more.  This supposed to be competitive soccer, but I know a lot of times politics get on the way.


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## Bananacorner (Jun 2, 2017)

Joe Diaz said:


> In theory, you suppose to give more time to the better players so the ones who need to improve would work harder to increase that playing time.  This is not AYSO.  Everyone plays an equal amount of time.  I don't get mad when my DD doesn't play the whole game or even 20 min.  This is telling me and her the she needs to practice more.  This supposed to be competitive soccer, but I know a lot of times politics get on the way.


This is true at Uolder, I agree 100%.  You aren't one of the better players, you don't play as much.  But at Umiddle and Ulittle,  although they may not be a top player, you still need to develop those kids.  It could be because they are smaller, less mature, haven't gone through puberty yet and have less muscle mass/weaker, not as quick.  They could be the most technical and smartest player on the field, but may not do well if they have not gone through stages that other kids have.  All that could change as they move to Uolder, so if you don't play them at Umiddle and Ulittle, you are stunting their development with little/no minutes and you could be passing up a chance at an amazing player when they get older.  

If the coach doesn't believe this Ulittle/Umiddle will ever be an amazing player, then they shouldn't have accepted them onto the roster to start with.


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## Joe Diaz (Jun 2, 2017)

Bananacorner said:


> This is true at Uolder, I agree 100%.  You aren't one of the better players, you don't play as much.  But at Umiddle and Ulittle,  although they may not be a top player, you still need to develop those kids.  It could be because they are smaller, less mature, haven't gone through puberty yet and have less muscle mass/weaker, not as quick.  They could be the most technical and smartest player on the field, but may not do well if they have not gone through stages that other kids have.  All that could change as they move to Uolder, so if you don't play them at Umiddle and Ulittle, you are stunting their development with little/no minutes and you could be passing up a chance at an amazing player when they get older.
> 
> If the coach doesn't believe this Ulittle/Umiddle will ever be an amazing player, then they shouldn't have accepted them onto the roster to start with.


There is always the B or C team.  I seen players at different top teams that become complacent because they know that they will be playing all the time and there is no one there to take their spot.


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## rainbow_unicorn (Jun 2, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> This article was pivotal in our decision, so though I would share - it's in a basketball forum but I think it still applies.
> https://www.competitivedge.com/unfair-coach
> What stood out to me was the line:
> "Sometimes he may assure you that indeed you are getting close to breaking into the line-up and if you just did A, B or C a little bit more, you'd get there. But when you do, nothing ever changes!"


This might be hard to hear and don't take this the wrong way, but your daughter may not be as good as you think she is.  I'm sure if you ask the parents of the other starters on whether your daughter is better than theirs they would unequivocally say that their daughter is better.  Instead of focusing on how "unfair" the coach is focus on developing her skills/game play to the point where there is no doubt in any coach's mind whether she would be a starter or not.  

Also, if your coach had no interest in your daughter then she would not have even made the team in the first place.


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## Bananacorner (Jun 2, 2017)

rainbow_unicorn said:


> This might be hard to hear and don't take this the wrong way, but your daughter may not be as good as you think she is.  I'm sure if you ask the parents of the other starters on whether your daughter is better than theirs they would unequivocally say that their daughter is better.  Instead of focusing on how "unfair" the coach is focus on developing her skills/game play to the point where there is no doubt in any coach's mind whether she would be a starter or not.
> 
> Also, if your coach had no interest in your daughter then she would not have even made the team in the first place.


I know my daughters aren't as good as I think they are.  Wait..., if I know that, then do I still think they are as better than I think they are?


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## El Clasico (Jun 2, 2017)

Joe Diaz said:


> In theory, you suppose to give more time to the better players so the ones who need to improve would work harder to increase that playing time.  This is not AYSO.  Everyone plays an equal amount of time.  I don't get mad when my DD doesn't play the whole game or even 20 min.  This is telling me and her the she needs to practice more.  This supposed to be competitive soccer, but I know a lot of times politics get on the way.


Joe, you make the classic mistake of confusing ''Club" soccer with "Competitive" soccer.  I like to think of what they play today as "Country Club Soccer".

On a serious note, there seems to be a lot of well intentioned parents on this thread giving advice to someone who has no intention of heeding any of it.  If you go back to Part 1 of this thread and continue all the way through, you will see that this guy is just messing with everyone or he is the problem on his team.  He has everyone on the thread giving him advice without knowing a thing about his daughter.  What flight, what age, what club, what team, what level is the team in relation to other teams. Her "first" team may not be as good as some club's 3rd team so how can we give him credible advice?

The only thing we do know is that there is an imaginary stud player on an imaginary first team that is far superior to all the other players on the team but rides the pine.  Either pops is delusional or he is running a game on everyone.

In my experience, coach always plays the best player on the team....even when that "best" player doesn't deserve to be playing (attitude, skipping practices, not paying, etc., etc.).


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## Joe Diaz (Jun 2, 2017)

El Clasico said:


> Joe, you make the classic mistake of confusing ''Club" soccer with "Competitive" soccer.  I like to think of what they play today as "Country Club Soccer".
> 
> On a serious note, there seems to be a lot of well intentioned parents on this thread giving advice to someone who has no intention of heeding any of it.  If you go back to Part 1 of this thread and continue all the way through, you will see that this guy is just messing with everyone or he is the problem on his team.  He has everyone on the thread giving him advice without knowing a thing about his daughter.  What flight, what age, what club, what team, what level is the team in relation to other teams. Her "first" team may not be as good as some club's 3rd team so how can we give him credible advice?
> 
> ...


It depends on the club and how long the team has been together for.


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## MWN (Jun 2, 2017)

El Clasico said:


> Joe, you make the classic mistake of confusing ''Club" soccer with "Competitive" soccer.  I like to think of what they play today as "Country Club Soccer".
> 
> On a serious note, there seems to be a lot of well intentioned parents on this thread giving advice to someone who has no intention of heeding any of it.  If you go back to Part 1 of this thread and continue all the way through, you will see that this guy is just messing with everyone or he is the problem on his team.  He has everyone on the thread giving him advice without knowing a thing about his daughter.  What flight, what age, what club, what team, what level is the team in relation to other teams. Her "first" team may not be as good as some club's 3rd team so how can we give him credible advice?
> 
> ...


I wrote and deleted my response to this thread a few times.  As a coach I know parents are notoriously biased.  As a ref I know parents are notoriously ignorant.  As a parent I know other parents are notoriously biased (even I am ... my kid is awesome).  Without knowing the age, level of play, etc., we can't possibly provide relevant advise.  What a U9 coach sees is different than a U12 as it is a U15 and beyond.  Coaches "manage" not only the players but the parents at U9 ... U18, not so much.  I don't have enough info to respond.


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## jdiaz (Jun 2, 2017)

In the end their is no right or wrong way of parting ways. The team will move on. Which way they move on is up to the team and their coach. Your loyalty is to your child and your child only. Parents come and go. But the parents that understand why the change. you have made a friend. Goodluck on your choice.


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## Eagle33 (Jun 2, 2017)

MWN said:


> I wrote and deleted my response to this thread a few times.  As a coach I know parents are notoriously biased.  As a ref I know parents are notoriously ignorant.  As a parent I know other parents are notoriously biased (even I am ... my kid is awesome).  Without knowing the age, level of play, etc., we can't possibly provide relevant advise.  What a U9 coach sees is different than a U12 as it is a U15 and beyond.  Coaches "manage" not only the players but the parents at U9 ... U18, not so much.  I don't have enough info to respond.


This went from one thread that eventually died to another thread about the same thing. In the first thread numerous posters asked about the age of the player. Note, that nobody cared what club, what coach or other little things. That question was never answered. So don't sweat responding to this - it's waste of time.


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## Sheriff Joe (Jun 2, 2017)

MWN said:


> I wrote and deleted my response to this thread a few times.  As a coach I know parents are notoriously biased.  As a ref I know parents are notoriously ignorant.  As a parent I know other parents are notoriously biased (even I am ... my kid is awesome).  Without knowing the age, level of play, etc., we can't possibly provide relevant advise.  What a U9 coach sees is different than a U12 as it is a U15 and beyond.  Coaches "manage" not only the players but the parents at U9 ... U18, not so much.  I don't have enough info to respond.


As a parent I know some refs are notoriously def, dumb and blind.


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## LilStriker (Jun 2, 2017)

Eagle33 said:


> This went from one thread that eventually died to another thread about the same thing. In the first thread numerous posters asked about the age of the player. Note, that nobody cared what club, what coach or other little things. That question was never answered. So don't sweat responding to this - it's waste of time.


Thanks for wasting your time and responding.


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## LilStriker (Jun 2, 2017)

norwegian said:


> But wait! @LilStriker has video evidence of her daughter performing better than the starters! Give me a break. This parent sounds like a bit of a nightmare.


We film the practices and games so she can review it and see what she did well and what she can improve. She likes watching the film - most of the time... =)


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## soccerchaffeur (Jun 2, 2017)




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## Striker17 (Jun 2, 2017)

soccerchaffeur said:


>


I wish their was either a fake news button or a "I am laughing out loud" one because this meme is hilarious


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## coachrefparent (Jun 2, 2017)

MWN said:


> I wrote and deleted my response to this thread a few times.  As a coach I know parents are notoriously biased.  As a ref I know parents are notoriously ignorant.  As a parent I know other parents are notoriously biased (even I am ... my kid is awesome).  Without knowing the age, level of play, etc., we can't possibly provide relevant advise.  What a U9 coach sees is different than a U12 as it is a U15 and beyond.  Coaches "manage" not only the players but the parents at U9 ... U18, not so much.  I don't have enough info to respond.


Hey you stole my post!!! Reading it all, but not the other thread, its clear there is  parent-bias here. But, that being said, if the parent thinks the girl should move down, it makes sense. 



LilStriker said:


> We film the practices and games so she can review it and see what she did well and what she can improve. She likes watching the film - most of the time... =)


You must know how silly this sounds. People are talking about objectivity, not the parent and player's perspective. It's also noteworthy, that nearly all of your posts refer to how great the other parents are. This is completely incongruous with your concern for where your player fits.


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## SoccerFrenzy (Jun 2, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> We film the practices and games so she can review it and see what she did well and what she can improve. She likes watching the film - most of the time... =)


Please tell me you are joking by videotaping practices? I mean really, never heard of such a thing.


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## timbuck (Jun 2, 2017)

I'm going to start filming my kid during math tests so she can watch it later to see what she needs to improve.
And on the car ride home from school I'm going to always ask the following:
1.. was your pencil sharp?  I have it on film. It better be. 
2.  How come your teacher isn't an accountant or an engineer if he/she knows so much about math?  I bet I know more. 
3.  You arrived to class 30 seconds before the bell. You need to be there 45 seconds early tomorrow.


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## NoGoal (Jun 3, 2017)

SoccerFrenzy said:


> Please tell me you are joking by videotaping practices? I mean really, never heard of such a thing.


I agree, probably using her phone to video her DD's practice. That is hard up!


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## NoGoal (Jun 3, 2017)

timbuck said:


> I'm going to start filming my kid during math tests so she can watch it later to see what she needs to improve.
> And on the car ride home from school I'm going to always ask the following:
> 1.. was your pencil sharp?  I have it on film. It better be.
> 2.  How come your teacher isn't an accountant or an engineer if he/she knows so much about math?  I bet I know more.
> 3.  You arrived to class 30 seconds before the bell. You need to be there 45 seconds early tomorrow.


4. How are you the 5th smartest kid in class.  The teacher must have favorites.  I know you're smarter then those kids.
5. Let's move you to the 3rd period math class.  I like the kids parents in that class more.


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## LilStriker (Jun 3, 2017)

timbuck said:


> I'm going to start filming my kid during math tests so she can watch it later to see what she needs to improve.
> And on the car ride home from school I'm going to always ask the following:
> 1.. was your pencil sharp?  I have it on film. It better be.
> 2.  How come your teacher isn't an accountant or an engineer if he/she knows so much about math?  I bet I know more.
> 3.  You arrived to class 30 seconds before the bell. You need to be there 45 seconds early tomorrow.



Very funny. So you're saying that you never review when your kid does well, doesn't do well on math tests or homework? Let's say your kid is getting certain problems wrong - you never try to show them how to correct? Or give them a high five when they ace an exam?

In math you get a piece of paper to take home to review with marks on what you got right, what you got wrong. in soccer it's a lot harder to quantify, describe and get feedback on - things move quickly and are over in an instant. But just like math, if you're serious about getting better at soccer, you've got to treat it as a discipline and be aware of what you're doing right/wrong so you can correct your mistakes, no?

Anyhow knock it all you want. We know she has things to work on. We don't make her train 5-7 days a week like several on the team, but the most important part to getting better at anything is getting feedback - unbiased, non-emotional candid feedback. the video doesn't lie, and it's great because you can easily see what you could've done differently or what you did well. You'll  never get this feedback from a coach because it's impossible to remember and keep track of everyone and no coach will care enough. If you ever played golf, you would understand how valuable video can be.

We also don't film every practice. Only occasionnaly with my phone if I see certain things consistently happening like she's going back to bad habits or doing something well/improving. We don't film every game either. But she does ask about it often when we get in the car from practice so she can see how she did, so it works for us.


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## LilStriker (Jun 3, 2017)

coachrefparent said:


> Hey you stole my post!!! Reading it all, but not the other thread, its clear there is  parent-bias here. But, that being said, if the parent thinks the girl should move down, it makes sense.
> 
> 
> You must know how silly this sounds. People are talking about objectivity, not the parent and player's perspective.


That's the point of the video... it's totally objective. It removes those temptations to have those conversations on the car ride home and she can watch it whenever/if she wants. Some say it's crazy, others might call it smart. =)


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## LilStriker (Jun 3, 2017)

Either way you slice it... let's say frankly she sucks. Let's say it's true she doesn't "deserve" playing time - it would be stupid to stay on the team if she doesn't get to play. It'd be much better to leave the team and play for a coach who is willing to give her the playing time so she can get better. Whether she's the best or worst is irrelevant. There is no reason your kid should ride the pine if she made a team and you are paying fees for a coach to train her. It's the coaches job to recruit well and manage the lineups so the team is set up for success and give everyone opportunities. if your kid is a great player who you think deserves more than an even share of playing time or winning is a priority, great players are able to make those around them better and make the most of their time given on the field. You win and lose as a team. imho 

We didn't join this club so we could brag about being on this team. We didnt join because we thought it would help her win state cup or any other tournament. She originally wanted to join because she wanted to get better and get to play at a high level and contribute to the team. When the coach offered her the position, unless he says, "I'd like to offer you a position on our bench", it implies he thinks she belongs on the team and can play. It's apparently not the case and based on how playing time is being allocated so early in the season when games don't count, its clear the coach is not serious about helping her become a better player or giving her opportunities. That's his choice, our choice is we want her to play because it's important for development so we'd like to find a team that will allow her to play and improve. It's really that plain and simple.

This thread was set up so we could get feedback from those who have had to do this before so we can make sure it's done well and in a respectful manner to all parties.


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## LilStriker (Jun 3, 2017)

rainbow_unicorn said:


> This might be hard to hear and don't take this the wrong way, but your daughter may not be as good as you think she is.  I'm sure if you ask the parents of the other starters on whether your daughter is better than theirs they would unequivocally say that their daughter is better.  Instead of focusing on how "unfair" the coach is focus on developing her skills/game play to the point where there is no doubt in any coach's mind whether she would be a starter or not.
> 
> Also, if your coach had no interest in your daughter then she would not have even made the team in the first place.


Either way you slice it... let's say she was on the bottom - and she is nowhere as good as the other players and frankly she sucks. Let's say it's true she doesn't "deserve" playing time - it would be stupid to stay on the team if she doesn't get to play. It'd be much better to leave the team and play for a coach who is willing to give her the playing time so she can get better. Whether she deserves playing time or not is irrelevant. There is no reason your kid should ride the pine if she made a team and you are paying fees for a coach to train her. It's the coaches job to recruit well and manage the lineups so the team is set up for success and give everyone opportunities. if your kid is a great player who you think deserves more than an even share of playing time or winning is a priority, great players are able to make those around them better and make the most of their time given on the field. imho

We didn't join this club so we could brag about being on this team. We didnt join because we thought it would help her win state cup or any other tournament. She wanted to join because she wanted to get better and get to play at a high level and contribute to the team. It's apparently not the case and based on how playing time is being allocated so early in the season when games don't count, its clear the coach is not serious about helping her become a better player or giving her opportunities. That's his choice, our choice is we want her to play so we'd like to find a team that will allow her to play and improve, that's all.


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## Striker17 (Jun 3, 2017)

Its all about playing time in my opinion. You have to remove your ego and brand concern from the equation. If a B team has a great Coach- Surf and Beach actually being the only ones I can think of who do have a great B team coach usually- then by all means I say yes. If the B team has a mediocre one then absolutely not go to a perceived "lesser club" and get the experience. 
Training is great- and I think iron sharpens iron and I can understand the hesitation to leave that environment HOWEVER nothing takes the place of game time minutes in learning the game. 
Final thought and I know it's not popular here- instinct is a great thing. If you instinctually know something is off with the coach and kid it is. Trust it. Don't waste time. I spent a solid half a year recovering my daughter from a nightmare of a coach and I would not wish that on anyone. Contempt, humiliations, come in many forms for young girls and there is a solid difference between "sucking it up" and recognizing some very bad adult behaviors that are prevalent in youth soccer and have been tolerated. It's just as important to show your daughter what is acceptable and not acceptable in our home. Once the change was made a different player emerged- it was radical. Between 9-13 I don't think girls no matter how close they are with us want to disappoint us. I have seen plenty of miserable young ladies on "the right team" with the joy sucked out of them. After 14 I think they feel much more comfortable saying "I don't like that guy". I wasted way too much time because I "didn't want to burn bridges" and "wanted to have an out". I won't ever do that again. Life is way too short, and if moving a club because a Coach was prone to favoritism or bad style makes me unpopular those are not people I want my DD around anyway. Ironically every coach that was the "next big thing" and I have had doubts about is either gone or has shown their "worth". 
Christian Pusilocs mom wrote a great article on this- you may want to take a look.


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## Striker17 (Jun 3, 2017)

Pss you will be called many names by Homers or coaches pretending to be parents in this forum- let it go. Don't engage. Read everyone's opinion and understand that the insight is valuable but only you know the full story. 
People forget that we are all parents who have sought out this forum because we have a question that maybe we don't feel comfortable asking someone on the team about. Don't let it get to you sometimes it's just people needling people.


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## Striker17 (Jun 3, 2017)

timbuck said:


> I'm going to start filming my kid during math tests so she can watch it later to see what she needs to improve.
> And on the car ride home from school I'm going to always ask the following:
> 1.. was your pencil sharp?  I have it on film. It better be.
> 2.  How come your teacher isn't an accountant or an engineer if he/she knows so much about math?  I bet I know more.
> 3.  You arrived to class 30 seconds before the bell. You need to be there 45 seconds early tomorrow.


And you are a Coach.....nauseating. 
I didn't get any of this from her/his posts.
For the record of you guys are going to ramble on with these dumb posts at least make the arguments solid. 
These people on this forum are the same people who think high performance and agility training is ok for ten year olds but act like occasional video on a cell phone at a practice is a big deal. Get out here- just stop!
You can't have it both ways guys!


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## timbuck (Jun 3, 2017)

You want us to provide answers for you but you havent the answered many questions from the peanut gallery. Specifically;
What age?
How many games have they played?
How many on the roster?
If not starting, what kind of minutes is she getting?
What position does she play?  
Is she (and you) able and willing to play other positions?

I used to run in lots of running races.  Sometimes there's something that bugs you. Shoe tied too tight.  Seam of your sock isn't quite right.  You need to blow your nose.  You have to go to the bathroom. 
My mantra was: "Fix it or forget it".  
IE-  if it bugs you enough that you can't stop thinking about it, then you're going to run slower over the next 3-26 miles.  So you are better off pulling over and fixing the problem.  The time you lose retrying your shoe or stopping at a porta john will be less than what you lose by worrying about it for the whole race.  
You need to make a decision on this.  You need to either forget it (and keep the kid on the team) or fix it (find her a new team).


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## NoGoal (Jun 3, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> And you are a Coach.....nauseating.
> I didn't get any of this from her/his posts.
> For the record of you guys are going to ramble on with these dumb posts at least make the arguments solid.
> These people on this forum are the same people who think high performance and agility training is ok for ten year olds but act like occasional video on a cell phone at a practice is a big deal. Get out here- just stop!
> You can't have it both ways guys!


I do think videotaping practice is hard up.  If you see something wrong with your players technique, then demonstrate to her the correct way to execute what was incorrect.  If she is determined to improve, then help her train to get better outside of practice. 

BTW, my DD didn't do speed and agility training until age 13 and I "NEVER" videotaped any of her 11 years of club practice.


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## pfsoccer (Jun 3, 2017)

lilstrike,


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## NoGoal (Jun 3, 2017)

I would add, parents are paying a club fee generally for training, uniforms and being on the team.  Playtime is not guaranteed.  To assume paying a club fee equates to playtime is an entitlement philosophy which is the biggest fault with pay to play soccer.


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## Striker17 (Jun 3, 2017)

Agree NG but again I don't read anything in his or her posts about them believing their daughter was entitled to play time - I read that she made the team and wasn't getting it and had approached the coach and he gave them ambiguous answers. She's not cutting it either bc she's not cutting it or the coach doesn't think she's at that level yet. The roster is like a puzzle and it's up to the coach to put it together- sometimes you win and sometimes no but as a parent you can't control it. You can only hope to have a transparent coach who tells you the "why's" and depending on what the "why" is you stay or leave. 
I am not judging anyone on that because again no one knows the full story. Not one of us would be happy in a place where we already paid and we're considering leaving so there must be something


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## NoGoal (Jun 3, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> Agree NG but again I don't read anything in his or her posts about them believing their daughter was entitled to play time - I read that she made the team and wasn't getting it and had approached the coach and he gave them ambiguous answers. She's not cutting it either bc she's not cutting it or the coach doesn't think she's at that level yet. The roster is like a puzzle and it's up to the coach to put it together- sometimes you win and sometimes no but as a parent you can't control it. You can only hope to have a transparent coach who tells you the "why's" and depending on what the "why" is you stay or leave.
> I am not judging anyone on that because again no one knows the full story. Not one of us would be happy in a place where we already paid and we're considering leaving so there must be something


Reread this post.  It includes "There is no reason your kid should ride the pine if she made a team and you are paying fees for a coach to train her"


LilStriker said:


> Either way you slice it... let's say she was on the bottom - and she is nowhere as good as the other players and frankly she sucks. Let's say it's true she doesn't "deserve" playing time - it would be stupid to stay on the team if she doesn't get to play. It'd be much better to leave the team and play for a coach who is willing to give her the playing time so she can get better. Whether she deserves playing time or not is irrelevant. There is no reason your kid should ride the pine if she made a team and you are paying fees for a coach to train her. It's the coaches job to recruit well and manage the lineups so the team is set up for success and give everyone opportunities. if your kid is a great player who you think deserves more than an even share of playing time or winning is a priority, great players are able to make those around them better and make the most of their time given on the field. imho
> 
> We didn't join this club so we could brag about being on this team. We didnt join because we thought it would help her win state cup or any other tournament. She wanted to join because she wanted to get better and get to play at a high level and contribute to the team. It's apparently not the case and based on how playing time is being allocated so early in the season when games don't count, its clear the coach is not serious about helping her become a better player or giving her opportunities. That's his choice, our choice is we want her to play so we'd like to find a team that will allow her to play and improve, that's all.


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## NoGoal (Jun 3, 2017)

Parents need to get use to coaches having their favorites. It never ends, even in college...the favorites are the kids who were given the athletic money.  I have heard from parents with daughters on a college team say, the scholarship players play the most.


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## bruinblue14 (Jun 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> You'll  never get this feedback from a coach because it's impossible to remember and keep track of everyone and no coach will care enough.


That's not entirely true. Coaches that will give you honest feedback exist. You just have to find them (and there aren't many unfortunately). And sometimes you may just not like what they have to say because it doesn't align with what you think as a parent. Not saying this is you, just saying in general. Also, some coaches have crazy, detailed memories when it comes to soccer and do track the progress of individual players and can remember plays, games, players from years back. And some coaches care, they are just hard to find sad to say. Good luck in your search.


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## NoGoal (Jun 3, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> Agree NG but again I don't read anything in his or her posts about them believing their daughter was entitled to play time - I read that she made the team and wasn't getting it and had approached the coach and he gave them ambiguous answers. She's not cutting it either bc she's not cutting it or the coach doesn't think she's at that level yet. The roster is like a puzzle and it's up to the coach to put it together- sometimes you win and sometimes no but as a parent you can't control it. You can only hope to have a transparent coach who tells you the "why's" and depending on what the "why" is you stay or leave.
> I am not judging anyone on that because again no one knows the full story. Not one of us would be happy in a place where we already paid and we're considering leaving so there must be something


This is how my wife and I dealt with playtime.  We didn't complain to the head coach or ask why she doesn't play.  Instead after the season we leave, if we are not happy with the playtime.  Why speak to the head coach, when all they will do is give you lip service.  Their actions (playtime) always speak louder than their words.


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## NoGoal (Jun 3, 2017)

bruinblue14 said:


> That's not entirely true. Coaches that will give you honest feedback exist. You just have to find them (and there aren't many unfortunately). And sometimes you may just not like what they have to say because it doesn't align with what you think as a parent. Not saying this is you, just saying in general. Also, some coaches have crazy, detailed memories when it comes to soccer and do track the progress of individual players and can remember plays, games, players from years back. And some coaches care, they are just hard to find sad to say. Good luck in your search.


I agree, also finding a coach at each stage of a players develop years is difficult as well.  A parent could find a great ulittle coach, but then the team is past onto a new coach from U14 and he isn't as good or his style of play doesn't jive with your players abilities.  Then it's off to find a better fit at uolders.


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## chargerfan (Jun 3, 2017)

I think there are coaches out there that give honest feedback and will honestly tell you where your daughter falls on the team. The problem is that parents rarely want to hear the truth, so think the coach is wrong or biased towards a certain type of player or whatever. That is why I think parents tend to gravitate more towards clubs and coaches that are selling dreams and kool aid. It's easier for them to digest.

Im not going to analyze or comment on the original question anymore because he isn't giving us much to work on, like others have said.


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## Striker17 (Jun 3, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> This is how my wife and I dealt with playtime.  We didn't complain to the head coach or ask why she doesn't play.  Instead after the season we leave, if we are not happy with the playtime.  Why speak to the head coach, when all they will do is give you lip service.  Their actions (playtime) always speak louder than their words.


I do hear you on this- I was merely saying that giving a coach an opportunity to just let you know is sometimes good. I don't like assuming anything because it could be my kid was giving an attitude, being lazy OR wasn't skilled. You never know so before I make assumptions I just like to ask. I think most decent coaches will be honest- especially if they have kids they have a tendency to understand a parental view


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## chargerfan (Jun 3, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> I do hear you on this- I was merely saying that giving a coach an opportunity to just let you know is sometimes good. I don't like assuming anything because it could be my kid was giving an attitude, being lazy OR wasn't skilled. You never know so before I make assumptions I just like to ask. I think most decent coaches will be honest- especially if they have kids they have a tendency to understand a parental view


I agree, and I think it is best to have the player ask how they can get more play time. The coach can then let them know what they need to improve on, and it will be up to the player whether or not to put in the extra work to improve.


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## El Clasico (Jun 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Either way you slice it... she was on the bottom - and she is nowhere as good as the other players and frankly she sucks. it's true she doesn't "deserve" playing time - Whether she deserves playing time or not is relevant. There is reason your kid should ride the pine if she made a team and you are paying fees for a coach to train her. It's the coaches job to recruit well and manage the lineups so the team is set up for success.
> 
> We did join this club so we could brag about being on this team.


WAIT! Now that I read between the lines, I get it.  Why make it so difficult for people to see where you are coming from when you could have just clarified from the get go.

This whole thread has become comedy.


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## LilStriker (Jun 3, 2017)

El Clasico said:


> WAIT! Now that I read between the lines, I get it.  Why make it so difficult for people to see where you are coming from when you could have just clarified from the get go.
> 
> This whole thread has become comedy.


Fake news much? That's not what we said and it doesn't even make sense - if that was the case, then we'd just stay... can't have it both ways.


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## LilStriker (Jun 3, 2017)

bruinblue14 said:


> That's not entirely true. Coaches that will give you honest feedback exist. You just have to find them (and there aren't many unfortunately). And sometimes you may just not like what they have to say because it doesn't align with what you think as a parent. Not saying this is you, just saying in general. Also, some coaches have crazy, detailed memories when it comes to soccer and do track the progress of individual players and can remember plays, games, players from years back. And some coaches care, they are just hard to find sad to say. Good luck in your search.


Thanks, that's why we like video though - whether you like what it's telling you or not, it's pretty hard to dispute. 

We've been fortunate to have been around a lot of coaches who care - my point was that there are a lot of players on the team and they can't keep track of everything going on for each player all the time. This is where video comes in handy.


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## NoGoal (Jun 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Thanks, that's why we like video though - whether you like what it's telling you or not, it's pretty hard to dispute.
> 
> We've been fortunate to have been around a lot of coaches who care - my point was that there are a lot of players on the team and they can't keep track of everything going on for each player all the time. This is where video comes in handy.


The coach knows what's going on.  He/she doesn't have the time to train a specific player's weakness.  The focus is to train the whole team, so the players know their roles and can play as a cohesive unit.

Individual weakness needs to be improved outside of practice, such as privates if skill and touch needs improvement.


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## NoGoal (Jun 4, 2017)

Lilstriker, your original post was on May 2, 2017.  Your DD has only been with the new team for a month.  Unless she is a YNT player, I don't get where you got the idea your DD would be starting or playing a lot of minutes right away.  As a new player on an exisitng team, you should have assume the worst, in which she was going to come off the bench and earn her play time.  Yet, you are giving up after 1 month?  The fall season hasn't began.  Instead, give your DD time to adjust to the faster speed of play....since she is playing at a higher level.  After the season, if nothing has changed then reevaluate if she needs to move down a level or to another club.


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## Eusebio (Jun 4, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> This is how my wife and I dealt with playtime.  We didn't complain to the head coach or ask why she doesn't play.  Instead after the season we leave, if we are not happy with the playtime.  Why speak to the head coach, when all they will do is give you lip service.  Their actions (playtime) always speak louder than their words.


100% agree. Pretty much what I do.

I don't say anything to the coach during the spring and summer tournaments. I like to give the coach space to experiment and understand the players he has and how they all fit together. I also want my child to work hard and step it up if playing time is lacking.

At ULittle, if by the middle of the fall season, there seems to be a disconnect between my child's quality of play/effort and the playing time, then I may ask the coach for some general feedback, so I can understand what's going on in the coach's head and see if I can understand the logic their operating under. But I don't explicitly complain and I don't make any specific demands. If it's UOlder, then that's between the player and coach, and I don't get involved at all.

By the end of the season if I'm still unhappy or I feel the coach is a poor fit for my child, then I simply leave at the end of the season. This has happened a couple of times, and both times the coaches were like, "I had no idea you were unhappy! I'm shocked that you're leaving!" Well they can be shocked all they want, but I and my child fulfilled the yearly commitment (finished state cup and everything) so I have a clean conscience. As NoGoal said, their actions speak louder than words. If they really felt my child was a valuable part of the team, then the playing-time would reflect so. Also they had a full-year with my child, if after a full-year my child's playing-time is still low, then the coach is doing a poor job developing him/her or my child can't keep up with the rest of the team. Either one is not a good reason to stay. The formula does change a bit as they get older, but under the age of 12 a kid should be on a team where they end the season with at least 70% playing time. If not, it's time to go elsewhere. No need to have a back and forth with a slick talking head coach whose just trying to maintain roster numbers.

Having said that, some parents hit the eject button way too soon. Unless the situation is really toxic, be patient. It's a long season. There's players on just about every team that were subs at the beginning of the season and then ended up being starters by the end. The lessons learned and mental toughness gained from going from a sub to a starter is extremely valuable. And a good coach should see a potential starter from all the players on his roster and not write anyone off. If your coach is regularly moving players in and out of the starting lineup, then that's a good thing. It means subs are getting a chance to shine and starters aren't getting complacent. That's the type of team you should hang around for the full season even if the playing time is a bit low to start. Chances are if your kid really is a stud, they'll be able to break into the lineup.


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## timbuck (Jun 4, 2017)

Another comment on the video recording. 
Maybe you do it once in a while and it's ok.  But to have a long day of school, do some homework, go to soccer practice and then spend another 30 minutes analyzing film of your practice before dinner, shower and bed time seems a little excessive.  (At least for my kid.  Pretty sure this would make her dislike soccer).


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## coachrefparent (Jun 4, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Thanks, that's why we like video though - whether you like what it's telling you or not, it's pretty hard to dispute.
> 
> We've been fortunate to have been around a lot of coaches who care - *my point was that there are a lot of players on the team and they can't keep track of everything going on* for each player all the time. This is where video comes in handy.


You give the video to the coach?


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## LilStriker (Jun 4, 2017)

Eusebio said:


> 100% agree. Pretty much what I do.
> 
> I don't say anything to the coach during the spring and summer tournaments. I like to give the coach space to experiment and understand the players he has and how they all fit together. I also want my child to work hard and step it up if playing time is lacking.
> 
> ...


The team has been practicing under him since Feb-March and we played a spring season - in total 10 matches to date. For some teams that's almost an entire league season. He hasn't moved anyone in and out of the starting lineup much at all, nor changed playing time allocation. That's our other concern. Every time she goes in the game she's with the other bench players so it makes it even tougher since they're all coming in cold and then only has a few mins before the half to get warm and make something happen - a tall task for a younger. 

We started having concerns starting May and the feedback was to find a new team. We decided to stick it out instead of everyone's suggestion to cut bait but after another month and more games, it's become clear she's an afterthought. 

Nonetheless, I still have high regard for this coach in terms of what he teaches the team and I strongly believe the team will be very successful but after 3 months knowing he hasn't paid much attention to her, I'm not going to risk spending a whole year riding the pine hoping he changes his mind. Even if it's justified, not getting playing time makes it exponentially harder to get better. Many don't believe it's justified. 

We've already let the coach know that we'd like to move off the team. In response, we got several messages from well respected coaches within the club who would be readily recognized on this forum reassuring that she is a key player, she definitely belongs on this team and that she shouldn't have to move to play. They spoke to the coach on her behalf and encouraged us to meet with him again saying they would like us to stay where we are. One of these coaches recruited her to the club and is one of the top coaches in so cal. 

We genuinely appreciated that, but I think given all the team dynamics etc... we really just want our DD to play for a coach and team that appreciate her for who she is - faults and all, where she can immediately make an impact, and who genuinely wants to help her develop. Not someone who thinks she doesn't deserve the playing time she's getting.

Perhaps she just needs a team where she can shine and build that confidence, not stuck behind other players shadows.

We do have much respect for the club and want to be loyal so we're waiting to hear back if they're willing to place her on the B team but we haven't heard back. so we're going to start reaching out to some coaches who have really been supportive of our DD in the past to see if they're interested. We've never played for them but they have always reached out to us and expressed that they would absolutely welcome her to the club. We always had a good relationship with them even when competing against.

I want to thank everyone for their input... this really has been such a difficult situation/decision and I genuinely appreciate all the advice - even wisecracks, I especially appreciate those who reached out via PM.

I hope if anything this thread helps others who may be feeling the same way process what's right for their kids, definitely a lot to think about!

My top three takeaways as of now...

1) I'm really glad we didn't go the ultimatum route, it's not who we are and I honestly don't think it wouldve helped anything. I don't recommend it.

2) no matter how I slice it, whether she's a rockstar and is being overlooked or just plain sucks, if she isn't getting playing time and opportunities to prove herself, she's on the wrong team. This is probably a little different for olders, but she's a younger and development is #1. She needs to find a team where she is an active contributor and the coach is invested in her.

3) things are never as bad as they seem. For a while it felt like the world was against us/her. We kept asking why, what's she doing wrong... we kept asking for feedback and she started training more and more. There was certainly no lack of effort on our part, even attending his other coaching sessions with olders to get more reps. In spite of this, there were parents on the team who would openly criticize her, yell at her at games, tell her to just pass the ball to the their kid the moment she touched the ball - no joke. Some parents would openly grumble in the few moments she was in the game that the coach wasn't playing to win. It took us a while to see through all that and realize a lot of those parents were just upset their kid was taken out. We learned to appreciate the parents who did encourage us and advocated on her behalf and the coaches who reached out to reassure us that she definitely belonged. Pay attention to these folks, but also trust your gut.


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## LilStriker (Jun 4, 2017)

timbuck said:


> Another comment on the video recording.
> Maybe you do it once in a while and it's ok.  But to have a long day of school, do some homework, go to soccer practice and then spend another 30 minutes analyzing film of your practice before dinner, shower and bed time seems a little excessive.  (At least for my kid.  Pretty sure this would make her dislike soccer).


We don't video all the time, just occasionally or if I notice something. What I usually do is go through it when I have time and cut out the clips I think are meaningful and then ask if she wants to see them... Or, sometimes she'll just ask if I shot any videos of her practice while waiting for dinner and watch them then... she really doesn't  spend more than a few minutes on them when we do review it.

Examples would be, 1v1 drills, showing her what happens when she lets the defender get too close, vs making her move sooner. Or 3v3's, the difference when she moves into space instead of checking towards the ball.

The clips are between 5-30seconds and we might talk about it for a minute, if that, and she gets it. She never feels criticized and it's actually empowering to be able to see how just one adjustment can improve her game rather than not knowing what she's doing wrong nor how to fix. Then she looks for other videos of where she megged her opponent, made a sweet pass or whatever... and says "check this out!" I save those for a rainy day when I have time to put them all together and make a highlight video for her...

Without video, you can easily fall into, "you need to work harder and win your 1v1's" "but I'm doing the best I can"

We no longer have these types of conversations and the reality is, when there are games that I feel she played terrible, it also gives me perspective as well to be able to look back and say ok, it really wasn't that bad. She had some bad plays here and there which she can fix but overall she still played solid, etc.... it's much healthier and avoids the feeling you need to talk about it on the car ride home.


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## chargerfan (Jun 4, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> The team has been practicing under him since Feb-March and we played a spring season - in total 10 matches to date. For some teams that's almost an entire league season. He hasn't moved anyone in and out of the starting lineup much at all, nor changed playing time allocation. That's our other concern. Every time she goes in the game she's with the other bench players so it makes it even tougher since they're all coming in cold and then only has a few mins before the half to get warm and make something happen - a tall task for a younger.
> 
> We started having concerns starting May and the feedback was to find a new team. We decided to stick it out instead of everyone's suggestion to cut bait but after another month and more games, it's become clear she's an afterthought.
> 
> ...


Something about this story doesn't ring true to me. The whole thing has been suspect, honestly.  Can we just agree this conversation has run its course? It is a waste of everyone's time at this point.


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## Grace T. (Jun 4, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> We don't video all the time, just occasionally or if I notice something. What I usually do is go through it when I have time and cut out the clips I think are meaningful and then ask if she wants to see them... Or, sometimes she'll just ask if I shot any videos of her practice while waiting for dinner and watch them then... she really doesn't  spend more than a few minutes on them when we do review it.
> 
> Examples would be, 1v1 drills, showing her what happens when she lets the defender get too close, vs making her move sooner. Or 3v3's, the difference when she moves into space instead of checking towards the ball.
> 
> ...


Doesn't  matter.  If she's a younger videos are a bad way to teach. The kids can normally process one maybe two topics at once.  Until 14 or 16, they have problems connecting audiovisual to their physical bodies (it requires an abstract leap they aren't developmentally ready for). And they have to learn the point in anstraction, apply logical thought to it, then physically execute it. Plus at a minute at that age it goes in one ear and out the other never making it to long term memory. High school kids have issues doing that let alone uYoungers. Better to take a single topic she needs improvement on and drill it repeatedly until it becomes innate and without thought. Any more than one or two topics you are wasting your time...real learning is taking place only haphazzardly if at all.


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## LilStriker (Jun 4, 2017)

Grace T. said:


> Doesn't  matter.  If she's a younger videos are a bad way to teach. The kids can normally process one maybe two topics at once.  Until 14 or 16, they have problems connecting audiovisual to their physical bodies (it requires an abstract leap they aren't developmentally ready for). And they have to learn the point in anstraction, apply logical thought to it, then physically execute it. Plus at a minute at that age it goes in one ear and out the other never making it to long term memory. High school kids have issues doing that let alone uYoungers. Better to take a single topic she needs improvement on and drill it repeatedly until it becomes innate and without thought. Any more than one or two topics you are wasting your time...real learning is taking place only haphazzardly if at all.


Grace, I really appreciate your posts and insight but all I can say it's worked really well for us. It helps her to think about the game and see the big picture. I guess to each their own!


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## Zerodenero (Jun 4, 2017)

LilStrike - I preface my response by referencing your 2 separate post:



LilStriker said:


> Well, she DOES want to play at the highest level possible. Hands down she loves soccer and it's her #1 passion, next is computer programming, not even kidding. She chose to join this team knowing she didn't have any friends but playing with better players will only make her better. It's just that none of us expected it to be this way.
> 
> Realistically, I think she has potential, I say she's middle of the road right now because while she's clearly within the top 3 on the team regarding her skills and speed, there ARE areas she just needs to improve and develop in - but nothing that can't be fixed or taught. I also suspect that some parents made a "deal" with the coach to have their kid start or get X playing time - anyone know if this actually happens?
> 
> For me, I'm perfectly fine if she doesn't make the national team - although she's dreamed of it since she was 4... that's going to have to be all her decision and drive. I just hope she gets to play college ball and given that she's a really smart kid, ideally get recruited by an Ivy down the road.  The question is, if she doesn't play DA, will she still get the opportunity and be considered? I know, thinking WAY ahead here, right? but the reality is, some choices lead to more opportunities than others...  (Grace T - would love to hear your thoughts on this!)


And.....



LilStriker said:


> The team has been practicing under him since Feb-March and we played a spring season - in total 10 matches to date. For some teams that's almost an entire league season. He hasn't moved anyone in and out of the starting lineup much at all, nor changed playing time allocation. That's our other concern. Every time she goes in the game she's with the other bench players so it makes it even tougher since they're all coming in cold and then only has a few mins before the half to get warm and make something happen - a tall task for a younger.
> 
> We started having concerns starting May and the feedback was to find a new team. We decided to stick it out instead of everyone's suggestion to cut bait but after another month and more games, it's become clear she's an afterthought.
> 
> ...


Lil - I must confess, I've been binge reading your posts on this and the other thread.....to my surprise, I'm finding myself feeling like the millions of viewers who watch tv shows like the Bachelorette or some other obscure....random reality show. You know, the ones that ya don't want to watch....don't have the time to watch...but somehow, someway.....Can get ya hooked

And after going thru this and your other thread, I don't think that I can provide any further tactical advice to you/your DD's dilemma....Especially considering your posts/inquiries read as tho you don't really want advice. Advice from many expirenced forum members who once had u-little players.....advice from parents who's DD's are committed/playing at top tier soccer and/or academic institutions and/or playing pro.

However as it may, I feel compelled to share a quick tip on the whole youth club/soccer thing....from a macro level. 

I am a parent of a "Big 3" Ivy League commit. And in our experience, my wife and I have learned that no matter how much you want to plan, strategize, tigermom,  heli-copter-pop your kid to be at the top (what ever that may be)....your biggest contribution to your dd's success is being there as a guide/councilor/EQ coach/loving but deciplined parent. Some of the very dilemmas you've described, and seemingly want to fix.....are the very things required for her to be successful. Don't be afraid to let things play out. See it thru and instill the importance of Delayed Gratification.....Your kid observes your actions, good and bad, at the end of the day, that is really all that matters.

Best of luck to you/your DD.... PM me sometime in the future, love to hear how it all pans out


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## LilStriker (Jun 4, 2017)

Zerodenero said:


> LilStrike - I preface my response by referencing your 2 separate post:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Appreciate the feedback - PM coming soon. =)


----------



## Primetime (Jun 4, 2017)

Sorry didn't read all the other posts but my guess would be if your daughter isn't starting and also not playing much then depending on roster size you may be doing the coach a favor by wanting off.   If you play for a decent club and If there is a B team then I would Highly recommend moving to that team if at all possible.   Your coach would likely suggest the same.   The B team will be able to offer more time and a bigger role that your DD likely needs.   It's often the best solution for the opportunity players and parents are looking for.   Problem is too many parent can't swallow their pride enough to realize the "B" team is the right place for their DD.


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## sandshark (Jun 5, 2017)

Always put your DD first before any coach. Find the best fit for her and make sure she is having fun, this is nothing more then a kids sport and as kids they are supposed to have fun. Don't get wrapped up in the hype and lose sight of your child having a full and happy childhood because of soccer! I would go and tell the coach face to face that you taking off to find a better fit for your DD. If your DD is at the higher level of skill then she wont have an issue with finding a new team.


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## Soccer43 (Jun 5, 2017)

can't believe this thread is still going on.... How to leave a team?  Walk up to the coach and say - "this isn't working out, we are leaving your team.  Thanks for the opportunity."  Done - why does this thread need 5 pages of comments?


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## jdiaz (Jun 5, 2017)

Soccer43 said:


> can't believe this thread is still going on.... How to leave a team?  Walk up to the coach and say - "this isn't working out, we are leaving your team.  Thanks for the opportunity."  Done - why does this thread need 5 pages of comments?


Then don't read it plain and simple.


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## PinoyBoy (Jun 6, 2017)

First, I would say never burn bridges. Soccer is a small world. However, playing time is important for development so I think you should find a team whether A or B that she gets that. Find a team where she is happy and the coach is excited about her. Exit politely and tell the coach thank you but she needs a team with more playing time.


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## NoGoal (Jun 6, 2017)

PinoyBoy said:


> First, I would say never burn bridges. Soccer is a small world. However, playing time is important for development so I think you should find a team whether A or B that she gets that. Find a team where she is happy and the coach is excited about her. Exit politely and tell the coach thank you but she needs a team with more playing time.


Or tell the coach how you really feel.  You recruited her for your team, then you don't play her after paying 2K in club fees.  You are a liar, can't develop a player, your style of play sucks and all you care about is winning. I wish I never moved her to your team.  We are out, I want my kids player card back!


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## sandshark (Jun 6, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> Or tell the coach how you really feel.  You recruited her for your team, then you don't play her after paying 2K in club fees.  You are a liar, can't develop a player, your style of play sucks and all you care about is winning. I wish I never moved her to your team.  We are out, I want my kids player card back!


Hell YA!!! What he said! Trust me most of the club coaches will talk smack behind another coaches back at a drop of a dime, they don't listen to the other coaches smack talking about players taking off. Shit when we were at a BIG local club I had coaches within the same club talking smack about my DD current coach trying to get my DD to move to their team! That is 100% the truth! There is no honor among thieves..


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## NoGoal (Jun 6, 2017)

sandshark said:


> Hell YA!!! What he said! Trust me most of the club coaches will talk smack behind another coaches back at a drop of a dime, they don't listen to the other coaches smack talking about players taking off. Shit when we were at a BIG local club I had coaches within the same club talking smack about my DD current coach trying to get my DD to move to their team! That is 100% the truth! There is no honor among thieves..


The craziest true stories I have heard.  I know of 2 committed players who decided to switch clubs their senior year of HS.  Their prior club coaches, biter about the club team change. Ready for it?  They both called their college head coaches and talked SHIT about the players.  I can see 1 coach doing it, but this was done by 2 different club coaches at different clubs.


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## outside! (Jun 6, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> The craziest true stories I have heard.  I know of 2 committed players who decided to switch clubs their senior year of HS.  Their prior club coaches, biter about the club team change. Ready for it?  They both called their college head coaches and talked SHIT about the players.  I can see 1 coach, but these was done by 2 different club coaches at different clubs.


Wow. Lets play this out. Club coach talks to college coach. College coach tells player. Player bad mouths club coach. College coach thinks club coach is a wanker. Great move club coach!

There must be 60 ways to leave your club team....


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## NoGoal (Jun 6, 2017)

outside! said:


> Wow. Lets play this out. Club coach talks to college coach. College coach tells player. Player bad mouths club coach. College coach thinks club coach is a wanker. Great move club coach!
> 
> There must be 60 ways to leave your club team....


On both occasions.  The player changed clubs, bitter coach calls college head coach and talk shit on the player,  college coach calls player to let them know what happened.

You got the last part correct, college coach thinks club coach is a wanker.  LOL

Why would the club coach call to talk shit on his/her prior player?


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## gkrent (Jun 6, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> You got the last part correct, college coach thinks club coach is a wanker.  LOL


And college coach probably doesn't pay too much attention to that club coach anymore.



NoGoal said:


> Why would the club coach call to talk shit on his/her prior player?


Because he/she is senile?


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## NoGoal (Jun 6, 2017)

gkrent said:


> And college coach probably doesn't pay too much attention to that club coach anymore.
> 
> 
> 
> Because he/she is senile?


and it was by 2 different club coaches. Senile, I say bruised ego....hahaha!


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## LilStriker (Jun 6, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> Or tell the coach how you really feel.  You recruited her for your team, then you don't play her after paying 2K in club fees.  You are a liar, can't develop a player, your style of play sucks and all you care about is winning. I wish I never moved her to your team.  We are out, I want my kids player card back!


And they're not even winning...


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## Nextbigthing (Jun 6, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> And they're not even winning...


What age is your DD?  What flight are we talking about? the Coach is probably right in his assessment.  Your DD is just not as good as you think she is.  Go find a local club where your DD can be a superstar......


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## NoGoal (Jun 6, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> And they're not even winning...


If it's ulittle who cares about winning.  My bad, parents do, so they can brag.


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## sandshark (Jun 6, 2017)

Correction.. parents and clubs do care about winning. Some parents want to win so they can brag and most all clubs want to win so they can recruit parents that love to brag


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## coachrefparent (Jun 7, 2017)

sandshark said:


> Correction.. parents and clubs do care about winning. Some parents want to win so they can brag and most all clubs want to win so they can recruit parents that love to brag


The kids hate losing, too. Some "learned minds" claim that the kids don't care about winning, and "only want to have fun," as the trite phrase goes. Of course they can have fun even if they lose a game, and some  would rather play and lose than not play at all. But ask any competitive  soccer player of any age if losing (especially most of the time) is fun.

Watch what happens to player buy-in and morale if a coach says to the team before every game, tournament, friendly: "Just a heads up, we're not here to win, just make you better soccer players.


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## sandshark (Jun 7, 2017)

coachrefparent said:


> The kids hate losing, too. Some "learned minds" claim that the kids don't care about winning, and "only want to have fun," as the trite phrase goes. Of course they can have fun even if they lose a game, and some  would rather play and lose than not play at all. But ask any competitive  soccer player of any age if losing (especially most of the time) is fun.


Winning is fun for just about any athlete but it is up to the parents to make sure it is worth whatever the sacrifice is to be on a "winning team" because development and happiness is a better formula for a child's future in any sport then just being on a  winning team.


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## younothat (Jun 7, 2017)




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## timbuck (Jun 7, 2017)

Yes. Winning is important to lots of people.  Hence why we see sandbaggers in tournaments all summer.  A teams playing in the 2nd or 3rd flight.
B teams bringing on guests from the "A" team (instead of the "c" team or a player from a "b" team at some other club.


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## Frank (Jun 7, 2017)

Winning matters.  That's why they keep score.  Also, I view it as a confirmation of what we are doing is right as it leads to success on the field. I understand you can win by playing bad soccer; that's not what I mean.


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## Striker17 (Jun 7, 2017)

Frank said:


> Winning matters.  That's why they keep score.  Also, I view it as a confirmation of what we are doing is right as it leads to success on the field. I understand you can win by playing bad soccer; that's not what I mean.


THats not what people understand though because 90 percent of parents can't even tell you what LOTG are and what good soccer is anyway. They equate good soccer with the W- they say things like "it was ugly but I will take it".
Winning soccer games doesn't matter to everyone. I care more about her grades than I do about her team winning. Seriously - it's taken me about five years to get here but I see soccer as a teacher of life lessons. I can see how being in a team that lost every single game would erode her love of the sport and how it would "matter" but that's a coaching issue not a player issue. 
Winning at the SAT and ACT counts. Winning an ECNL championship for the hope of a scholarship or "look" from a college coach nah not so much. 
Long view people...long view...


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## Striker17 (Jun 7, 2017)

sandshark said:


> Correction.. parents and clubs do care about winning. Some parents want to win so they can brag and most all clubs want to win so they can recruit parents that love to brag


This is spot on and the proof is in the fact that if parents actually cared about the mental aspect of their daughters development they would not allow their daughters around certain DA coaches. Teams and clubs that have historically relied on their "wins" due to their cornering of the market no longer have that power. Some people believe they do and that's ok but those of us in this for the long haul see what's happening. It's refreshing that those of us who want our daughters around good people now have choices.


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## Sheriff Joe (Jun 7, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> THats not what people understand though because 90 percent of parents can't even tell you what LOTG are and what good soccer is anyway. They equate good soccer with the W- they say things like "it was ugly but I will take it".
> Winning soccer games doesn't matter to everyone. I care more about her grades than I do about her team winning. Seriously - it's taken me about five years to get here but I see soccer as a teacher of life lessons. I can see how being in a team that lost every single game would erode her love of the sport and how it would "matter" but that's a coaching issue not a player issue.
> Winning at the SAT and ACT counts. Winning an ECNL championship for the hope of a scholarship or "look" from a college coach nah not so much.
> Long view people...long view...


You are probably right, but try to get into some big tournaments, Blues or Surf, or National League, where the scouts are, with a shitty W-L record.


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## Striker17 (Jun 7, 2017)

Sheriff Joe said:


> You are probably right, but try to get into some big tournaments, Blues or Surf, or National League, where the scouts are, with a shitty W-L record.


Not anymore- it's called the DA. The DA also records every single game which now the coaches can view with a push of a button. I can't imagine a Coaching staff not taking advantage of that new technology. 
Yes I believe traditional methods will still exist and I love Surf Cup but DA will have their own flight anyway. Blues Cup started being irrelevant a year ago- look at who showed up.


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## Striker17 (Jun 7, 2017)

Sheriff Joe said:


> You are probably right, but try to get into some big tournaments, Blues or Surf, or National League, where the scouts are, with a shitty W-L record.


And for the record I totally one hundred percent agree with you which is why I have been tortured for years. If we didn't go to the right club I knew we were limiting her looks. If we didn't play with the jerk coach she wouldn't be on the great team and then it didn't matter how great she was she wouldn't be seen really. I get it. 
I just think the playing field leveled a bit.


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## Lambchop (Jun 7, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> On both occasions.  The player changed clubs, bitter coach calls college head coach and talk shit on the player,  college coach calls player to let them know what happened.
> 
> You got the last part correct, college coach thinks club coach is a wanker.  LOL
> 
> Why would the club coach call to talk shit on his/her prior player?


So let me get this straight, the college coach took time out of her/his  busy schedule to call a possible recruit or a player that was already recruited to tell her what her club coach said.  If that happened I would question the professionalism of the college coach and her/his  motives as well as the club coach.  I would not want my dd playing for a coach like that. If that is the only offer for the player to a school she wants to attend, then there isn't much choice.  But if the player has another offer from a college that she is interested in, choose the other college.


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## Striker17 (Jun 7, 2017)

Lambchop said:


> So let me get this straight, the college coach took time out of her/his  busy schedule to call a possible recruit or a player that was already recruited to tell her what her club coach said.  If that happened I would question the professionalism of the college coach and her/his  motives as well as the club coach.  I would not want my dd playing for a coach like that. If that is the only offer for the player to a school she wants to attend, then there isn't much choice.  But if the player has another offer from a college that she is interested in, choose the other college.


Report at Ethics Line at the college - done and done.


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## NoGoal (Jun 7, 2017)

Lambchop said:


> So let me get this straight, the college coach took time out of her/his  busy schedule to call a possible recruit or a player that was already recruited to tell her what her club coach said.  If that happened I would question the professionalism of the college coach and her/his  motives as well as the club coach.  I would not want my dd playing for a coach like that. If that is the only offer for the player to a school she wants to attend, then there isn't much choice.  But if the player has another offer from a college that she is interested in, choose the other college.


On both occassions. The college coach contacted their "committed player" to inform them what their prior club coach said.   I would want to know, if my prior club coach took the time to call my college coach and what kind of madness he/she was spewing.  Why wouldn't you want to know?  If I had a younger kid at the club, I would definately be pulling them after that BS move.

I don't get why you would be upset with the college coach.  On both occasions the college coach backed up their committed player.


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## Sheriff Joe (Jun 7, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> Not anymore- it's called the DA. The DA also records every single game which now the coaches can view with a push of a button. I can't imagine a Coaching staff not taking advantage of that new technology.
> Yes I believe traditional methods will still exist and I love Surf Cup but DA will have their own flight anyway. Blues Cup started being irrelevant a year ago- look at who showed up.


Yes, but the vast majority of kids will not be in the DA.


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## Sheriff Joe (Jun 7, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> And for the record I totally one hundred percent agree with you which is why I have been tortured for years. If we didn't go to the right club I knew we were limiting her looks. If we didn't play with the jerk coach she wouldn't be on the great team and then it didn't matter how great she was she wouldn't be seen really. I get it.
> I just think the playing field leveled a bit.


I agree. Our DOC was guest coaching our team and he is quite the jerk at times, though never to my Daughter, but at other kids he would lose control. I had it all played out in my mind what I would do it he treated my daughter that way. I was going to walk across the field, in the middle of the game and punch him in the face and then take my girl and go home.
At the end of the day it doesn't matter, I am hitting the Power ball jackpot tonight, I will look you up after I cash in.
Scholarships for all.


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## younothat (Jun 7, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> Not anymore- it's called the DA. The DA also records every single game which now the coaches can view with a push of a button. I can't imagine a Coaching staff not taking advantage of that new technology.
> Yes I believe traditional methods will still exist and I love Surf Cup but DA will have their own flight anyway. Blues Cup started being irrelevant a year ago- look at who showed up.


YMMV....Recording of the games is actually optional,  Cost $ and has to be arranged if you want pros.  Home team is normally the one who sets up the recordings.

Some will pay the pros and share, Others don't record, some that do record  don't share easily or freely.   Sometimes there is a parent with a setup and they may or may not share, mostly not since there club's that tells them not to.


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## NoGoal (Jun 7, 2017)

Sheriff Joe said:


> I agree. Our DOC was guest coaching our team and he is quite the jerk at times, though never to my Daughter, but at other kids he would lose control. I had it all played out in my mind what I would do it he treated my daughter that way. I was going to walk across the field, in the middle of the game and punch him in the face and then take my girl and go home.
> At the end of the day it doesn't matter, I am hitting the Power ball jackpot tonight, I will look you up after I cash in.
> Scholarships for all.


I know of a father who went off at his DD head coach at half time and Best part the coach at the time was only filling in.  Player didn't start, my guess he was feed up and walked over and told him off.    It took another coach to restrain the father.  Crazy part, the parent and kid wasn't kicked out of the club.


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## Sheriff Joe (Jun 7, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> I know of a father who went off at his DD head coach at half time and Best part the coach at the time was only filling in.  Player didn't start, my guess he was feed up and walked over and told him off.    It took another coach to restrain the father.  Crazy part, the parent and kid wasn't kicked out of the club.


I think we all have witnessed bad behavior by coaches, so far we have been lucky it hasn't been directed at my daughter.


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## outside! (Jun 15, 2017)

Jerylkoma said:


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This looks like a scam. Poor grammar, no reference to actual conversation.


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## NumberTen (Jun 16, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> I know of a father who went off at his DD head coach at half time and Best part the coach at the time was only filling in.  Player didn't start, my guess he was feed up and walked over and told him off.    It took another coach to restrain the father.  Crazy part, the parent and kid wasn't kicked out of the club.


Sometimes it is hard to respect a "coach" who coaches part time and thinks that their job is more important than it is.  I can see it if the coach is a full time employee of the club and has 3 or 4 teams, but really.  I have had many experiences where a coach thinks he is a brain surgeon or engineer and is changing the world.  I don't mean to disrespect coaches, but some need to realize their place in the order of things.


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## SplitSoccerFamMom (Jun 18, 2017)

Logistics of leaving? If you haven't paid the full club fees yet, can you stop paying midway or are you bound by contract to pay for the entire season that your DD won't be playing with the club? How likely are you to get your DD's card released from your current club? 
I am very curious to know the answer to these questions are they may apply to my DD shortly.


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## NoGoal (Jun 19, 2017)

NumberTen said:


> Sometimes it is hard to respect a "coach" who coaches part time and thinks that their job is more important than it is.  I can see it if the coach is a full time employee of the club and has 3 or 4 teams, but really.  I have had many experiences where a coach thinks he is a brain surgeon or engineer and is changing the world.  I don't mean to disrespect coaches, but some need to realize their place in the order of things.


He wasn't a part time coach! The coach filling is the head coach of 2 ECNL teams at the same club.


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## Keepermom2 (Jun 19, 2017)

Funny to me when a club expects you to be committed to the club when given a chance they would replace your daughter in a hot minute for a player that is better.   I hate that it is that way but it is reality.  We moved from a mediocre Club to one of the top clubs and they acted like I was a terrible person.  LOL


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## NoGoal (Jun 19, 2017)

Keepermom2 said:


> Funny to me when a club expects you to be committed to the club when given a chance they would replace your daughter in a hot minute for a player that is better.   I hate that it is that way but it is reality.  We moved from a mediocre Club to one of the top clubs and they acted like I was a terrible person.  LOL


What were your expectations? It works both ways, you can always leave the club after the season too.  Your only committment is to your kid period.


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## Keepermom2 (Jun 21, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> What were your expectations? It works both ways, you can always leave the club after the season too.  Your only committment is to your kid period.


I believe in commitment to a team through a season and they should have the same in return.  When tryouts come, all bets are off and I will put my child where she wants to go and feels like she is having fun, is valued as a human being and a kid, and being developed.  If that is at her current club, then no tryouts for another club will happen...Oh and a group of parents that aren't nut jobs!  LOL  We have experienced parents determining who is at fault for a goal being scored and sit around gossiping.  That is just crazy!


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## Lvdepech (Jun 22, 2017)

https://www.competitivedge.com/you-are-not-good-coach-when-you

when we hit 9/10 of those it was time to go.....


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