# Advice for picking a team after tryouts



## justneededaname (Jan 11, 2022)

I need some advice. It is tryout season. My middle school dd has offers from 3 different teams. She needs to decide, and my wife and I need to help her decide which team to play on. I am hoping people on here have some good advice, so here is the background. I honestly don’t know which way to encourage her.

My daughter is not some stud soccer player. She is Flight 1 good, but not Surf/Blues/Slammers good. I am not thinking about pro, or national team, or scholarships. I want her to be challenged, to grow as a person and a player, develop healthy habits, and be happy (and most of all be kept busy through the rest of middle school).

None of the offers are ECNL. I am unwilling to sit in traffic because it makes me angry so she doesn’t even get to try out at the ENCL teams in our area. All three teams are between 15 and 25 minutes from our house without an aggravating amount of traffic. Two teams are GA and one is NPL/DPL(TBD).

Team 1 is her current club team. She has good friends on the team. We really like the families. The player quality is the highest of the three and she will have to really push to get regular starts.. The coach is excellent and she loves playing for him. The team tries to play nice possession soccer but wont sacrifice results on the alter of playing out of the back. The club is small and doesn’t have any acronym league affiliations, so it will play in NPL or DPL if they are accepted. They applied for GA, but who knows if they will get it. The only teams that gave them any competition will be in ECNL or GA next year, so they will likely not play many league games that offer good competition. Their training fields are unsettled, sometimes not of good quality, and keep moving farther and farther away from our home.

Team 2 is a GA team. It is the farthest from our home (distance wise, not necessarily travel time). It has the best fields of the three options. The coach doesn’t know me from Adam and out of the blue let my dd come to a training of his GA team a year older than my dd and then let her keep training with that team for several months as many days as she wanted to come. She loves his trainings. Every day she comes home happy. She is starting to know his older team, but only knows a couple of kids on the team she will be on. The team is moving from Flight 2 to GA. They are going to need a lot of work to be competitive. The team plays direct soccer, but not kick ball.  I have no idea whether she would be a starter or on the bench. Our family likes to travel, so the GA travel schedule is kind of appealing.

Team 3 is a GA team. It is the closest to home. The fields are decent grass, but only portable lights in the winter. The team is a complete rebuild with only a handful of players returning from this season. It will probably not be very good next year. I expect she will be a starter. The team plays a style that is a blend of possession and direct, it is nice but pragmatic. She and my son were both at this club for many years before leaving a couple of years ago (on good terms), so there is a level of familiarity with it that is very nice. The coach was my son’s coach for 5 years. I have a great rapport with him, he is an excellent coach, and my daughter loves him.

My daughter currently doesn’t know what she wants to do. Her answer is “I wish I could play on all three”. Teams 1 and 2 want answers sooner, rather than later, and I understand why.

So, anyone have any advice? It is a good problem to have. But honestly I don’t know what to do.


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## dad4 (Jan 11, 2022)

justneededaname said:


> I need some advice. It is tryout season. My middle school dd has offers from 3 different teams. She needs to decide, and my wife and I need to help her decide which team to play on. I am hoping people on here have some good advice, so here is the background. I honestly don’t know which way to encourage her.
> 
> My daughter is not some stud soccer player. She is Flight 1 good, but not Surf/Blues/Slammers good. I am not thinking about pro, or national team, or scholarships. I want her to be challenged, to grow as a person and a player, develop healthy habits, and be happy (and most of all be kept busy through the rest of middle school).
> 
> ...


I'm wondering why you're thinking of switching.  Good coach, good teammates, good families.  Sounds nice.

What made you look around instead of just helping plan the team picnic?


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## Carlsbad7 (Jan 12, 2022)

Tough choice. I'd go for the best coach, followed by the best players, then the best facilities. I'd also give the current club priority assuming all are the same.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 12, 2022)

Stay!!!


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## WestOfFive (Jan 12, 2022)

justneededaname said:


> I need some advice. It is tryout season. My middle school dd has offers from 3 different teams. She needs to decide, and my wife and I need to help her decide which team to play on. I am hoping people on here have some good advice, so here is the background. I honestly don’t know which way to encourage her.
> 
> My daughter is not some stud soccer player. She is Flight 1 good, but not Surf/Blues/Slammers good. I am not thinking about pro, or national team, or scholarships. I want her to be challenged, to grow as a person and a player, develop healthy habits, and be happy (and most of all be kept busy through the rest of middle school).
> 
> ...


Team 1


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## justneededaname (Jan 12, 2022)

Let me answer some of the questions…

First, if my daughter could decide, that is what we would do. But she is asking for help.

Second, I agree, go with the best coach. The problem is, I don’t know who the best coach is. They all either are great or seem great. One has been California High School coach of the year a couple of times. One has been Cal South coach of the year a couple of times. All three have been around a long time and seem to be excellent. The coach we have the most experience with is with team 3.

Third, why did we look around? Short answer, life’s lessons. Long answer:

1. We look around every year. After 10+ years in club soccer we have learned that you never know what is going to happen around tryout season. A stud player could show up that plays your kid’s position and you get cut out of the blue; happens a lot to goalies. Your excellent coach could decide a month into the season to move back to England and the new coach sucks the love of the game right out of your kid. When going from 9v9 to 11v11 your team that was all great friends and was “definitely going to stay together” gets five or 6 players taken by another club, and deciding not to go with them turns out to be a bad decision..

2. Teams are going from 9v9 to 11v11. There was going to be a lot of movement this year no matter what. Since the team is good and doesn’t have GA or ECNL, and GA and ECNL need to build their rosters I figured it was a good time to look around and it was very likely that the team was going to lose a lot of players. 

3. We moved to this club because the team had a great coach (different than current coach) and trained on turf 5 minutes from our house. Since then the fields have moved farther away in a direction with more traffic and the closest option is crappy grass. Once we were that distance anyway it opened up options to other clubs. That was compounded by Team 3 moving their training field to nice fields much closer to our house.

4. Team 1 is likely going to play all their games in Oceanside, Silverlakes, or Galway Downs. That means every game is going to be a 5-6 hour commitment. The GA teams get some home games and then have some much longer travel. I would be happier flying to Utah for a game then driving to Silverlakes. That is just my personality. I love flying and staying in hotels, and traveling with a soccer team is a ton of fun for the girls.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 12, 2022)

Hey bro, I went (( )) with my comments for you. 

First, if my daughter could decide, that is what we would do. But she is asking for help. *((my dd made every decision in her soccer teams except one time out of 11 years of club.  She got snake oiled big time by a big fat liar salesman doc and she fell for his lies.  She learned how some men live and that was very valuable lesson for her in the long run.))*


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## Speed (Jan 12, 2022)

justneededaname said:


> Let me answer some of the questions…
> 
> First, if my daughter could decide, that is what we would do. But she is asking for help.
> 
> ...


We are on the backside of this so on your original ask I originally would say team 1. Team mates, families and coaches are a big part of that experience. I also agree with assessment #4. I would rather fly than drive and I have a DD that is on a team where we fly and a DS where we drive to silverlakes. He is a sophomore and as a family we have not liked the drive out to SL and the time commitment esp with 2 games in a weekend. He is like yours: no national team aspirations etc and so this has been a huge turnoff for him. too much time suck. Oh, and I should mention, once we battled traffic there and then into SL (because they were having a concert), paid, parked and then there was a positive test on the other team and game canceled. . I will say for my senior DD, that does have college offers which she will probably forego, our best memories are of the players/families that we really bonded with. It is priceless and is hard to find. For what that is worth. I would also be leary of a team going from a flight 2 to GA.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 12, 2022)

Speed said:


> I will say for my senior DD, that does have college offers which she will probably forego,


This is now the 5th person I know from 2022 parent that DD got offers but are foregoing.  I think we need to take a serious look at educating the players to stay and play local, instead of pay to play far away, stay at this hotel mandates and so on and travel and travel, unless of course it's 100% a free handout.....lol.  All satire aside, stay local and build winner.


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## socalkdg (Jan 12, 2022)

How much is your kid and the team improving every year?  If u are happy with the improvement then no reason to change.


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## MamaBear5 (Jan 12, 2022)

I would stay away from the team that is jumping from flight 2 to GA...that is not going to go well. I would probably ask that my kiddo get to practice with the actual team she is going to be on instead of the older girls (unless he is going to offer her a spot on that team). Coach first always. Doesn't have to be the best coach, only has to be the best coach for your kid. Ask anyone about any coach and you will get strong positives and strong negatives. What my kid likes about a coach yours might hate. You will only know this if you spend time training. See if you can watch the coach at a game. Sometimes the personalities change when a game is on the line...


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## Socal-Soccer-Dad (Jan 12, 2022)

justneededaname said:


> Team 1 is her current club team. She has good friends on the team. We really like the families. The player quality is the highest of the three and she will have to really push to get regular starts.. The coach is excellent and she loves playing for him. The team tries to play nice possession soccer but wont sacrifice results on the alter of playing out of the back. The club is small and doesn’t have any acronym league affiliations, so it will play in NPL or DPL if they are accepted. They applied for GA, but who knows if they will get it. The only teams that gave them any competition will be in ECNL or GA next year, so they will likely not play many league games that offer good competition. Their training fields are unsettled, sometimes not of good quality, and keep moving farther and farther away from our home.
> 
> Team 1 is likely going to play all their games in Oceanside, Silverlakes, or Galway Downs. That means every game is going to be a 5-6 hour commitment. The GA teams get some home games and then have some much longer travel. I would be happier flying to Utah for a game then driving to Silverlakes. That is just my personality. I love flying and staying in hotels, and traveling with a soccer team is a ton of fun for the girls.


Pro: Best team, excellent coach, good player families, good friends on team
Con: May not get regular playing time, bad fields, distance from home, OCEANSIDE, SILVERLAKES, GALWAY DOWNS



justneededaname said:


> Team 2 is a GA team. It is the farthest from our home (distance wise, not necessarily travel time). It has the best fields of the three options. The coach doesn’t know me from Adam and out of the blue let my dd come to a training of his GA team a year older than my dd and then let her keep training with that team for several months as many days as she wanted to come. She loves his trainings. Every day she comes home happy. She is starting to know his older team, but only knows a couple of kids on the team she will be on. The team is moving from Flight 2 to GA. They are going to need a lot of work to be competitive. The team plays direct soccer, but not kick ball.  I have no idea whether she would be a starter or on the bench. Our family likes to travel, so the GA travel schedule is kind of appealing.


Pro: Best fields, quality trainings, travel schedule
Con: Far from home, struggle to be competitive next season, uncertain playing time



justneededaname said:


> Team 3 is a GA team. It is the closest to home. The fields are decent grass, but only portable lights in the winter. The team is a complete rebuild with only a handful of players returning from this season. It will probably not be very good next year. I expect she will be a starter. The team plays a style that is a blend of possession and direct, it is nice but pragmatic. She and my son were both at this club for many years before leaving a couple of years ago (on good terms), so there is a level of familiarity with it that is very nice. The coach was my son’s coach for 5 years. I have a great rapport with him, he is an excellent coach, and my daughter loves him.


Pro: Close to home, most playing time of 3, familiarity with the club, great coach
Con: Bad team

My thoughts:
Team 3 hands down for me. You know the club and the coach. It's closer to home. Your daughter gets playing time on a GA team.

Team won't be good but if you mean what you say about no pro, scholarships or national team aspirations (I say no too but I secretly wish for it lol so depends on how much you mean it), you get playing time while being close to home with a great coach. No brainer.

(Team 1 close second just based on the fact that you're already with them and seems like with good group of players and parents. But it certainly sounds like you are dreading the drives to the games haha)


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## Simisoccerfan (Jan 12, 2022)

I would ask your daughter why she plays soccer?  What is important to her (not to you)?  Friends, competition, travel. snacks, more time, less time, etc...  And use that to make a decision.


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## Grace T. (Jan 12, 2022)

justneededaname said:


> 1. We look around every year. After 10+ years in club soccer we have learned that you never know what is going to happen around tryout season. A stud player could show up that plays your kid’s position and you get cut out of the blue; happens a lot to goalies. Your excellent coach could decide a month into the season to move back to England and the new coach sucks the love of the game right out of your kid. When going from 9v9 to 11v11 your team that was all great friends and was “definitely going to stay together” gets five or 6 players taken by another club, and deciding not to go with them turns out to be a bad decision..


Is your kid the keeper???  If so, the considerations are completely different than the field player.  Your five main concerns IMHO are: 1. How does the coach react to mistakes and is my kid going to get scapegoated if the team does poorly (particularly for the team that is jumping flights), 2. as a middle school keeper, how much does the team build out from the back (it is vital out that age to learn how to properly handle footwork if she has any aspirations to later play college or a higher level), 3. how is the playing style suited to my child's keeper style and 4. how busy is my kid going to be (you don't want to be on a team where nothing is happening or which is such a wreck that the kid is constantly getting pounded) and as you've already identified 2nd keeper or split time.

The only real way to know any of this is to watch a game.


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## justneededaname (Jan 12, 2022)

MamaBear5 said:


> See if you can watch the coach at a game. Sometimes the personalities change when a game is on the line...


I had seen two of the three coach a game. So last Saturday I drove up to Temecula to watch the third coach. I have experience with coaches that are one way at practice and totally different in games, so this is definitely important to check out.


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## justneededaname (Jan 12, 2022)

Grace T. said:


> Is your kid the keeper???


My example of the new keeper coming in was from her experience. She was the keeper on a top team. Backstopped her team all the way to the State Cup Presidents finals. She was replaced by a new keeper coming in. 

It actually worked out for the best for her because she did not want to be a full time keeper anymore and wanted to become a field player. So getting cut let her make a fresh start somewhere else.


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## justneededaname (Jan 12, 2022)

Socal-Soccer-Dad said:


> (Team 1 close second just based on the fact that you're already with them and seems like with good group of players and parents. But it certainly sounds like you are dreading the drives to the games haha)


If team 1 was GA or ECNL, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. It does make me feel bad for smaller clubs that have good teams and coaches but don't have the acronyms.


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## justneededaname (Jan 12, 2022)

Simisoccerfan said:


> I would ask your daughter why she plays soccer?  What is important to her (not to you)?  Friends, competition, travel. snacks, more time, less time, etc...  And use that to make a decision.


I have not asked her that exact question, I will this afternoon. I did ask her this morning what she liked about each coach. 

Team 1 - She thinks that he is going to get her to work a lot harder and push her to be as good as she can be. And she likes that he is funny.
Team 2 - She thinks that he is going to make her smarter. To be able to get her head up and play the right pass faster. She likes that he pushes the team hard in practice but makes it a lot of fun.
Team 3 - She had a harder time articulating this. What I believe she was trying to say was - He coached her brother for 5 years and her brother is really good [her statement, not mine] and she knows his teams were excellent so she thinks he can make her really good and it is exciting that he would want her to play for him.


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## COSMOS (Jan 12, 2022)

I think we are in similar situations, and probably looking at least one of the same teams based on your descriptions.  Here is how we are looking at:

-Take a season by season approach.  The clubs don't give extra credit, or discounts for loyalty.  The way the current system is designed, they look at revenue streams per year.  Most of the younger coaches flow to where they see opportunity and advancement, and likely the coaches will change year to year as your kid advances in age or coaches switch clubs.  It would be great if we could have some transparency in coaching contracts the way they can know our player commitments.  Conversely, it would be nice to sign multi-year commitments for a discount.        
-Try not to get wrapped around the two/three letter league axle.  If your kid is young enough, i think the whole GA/ECNL thing will even out in a few years.  GA is putting together a great product, I just wish the competitive level was there locally.  Don't let all the marketing influence what you are seeing with your own eyes as far as levels of play and coaching wherever you are now.  
-We value 'playing time', just as much as 'match level-of-play', but are conscious of 'level-of-daily play' - basically the level of practice.  My kid is going for a higher level-of-daily play, but balancing that with somewhere where she's not gonna ride the bench during games and can build on her primary strength of field leadership.  
-Make sure your kid has at least a few friends on the Team you choose.  I have two middle schoolers in two different club sports.  This one is pretty important and can be hard to understand and value.  
-Make sure she can learn from the coach, and above all enjoys going to workouts and matches.  That last one is important, because as you said, 5hrs on the road for a match, or 1hr+ on the road for a workout, and that shit will get old and school may suffer.  

I think there is some 'full-up crazy' sports folks out there that may tell you otherwise.  My opinion:  'full up crazy' is only sustainable for a few years at best - trust me, we've dipped our toe in that pool, and it seems folks are starting full up crazy younger and younger.  I think what's more important is the timing of when you go all in.   I'm sure I'll get lit up for this, but anything U15, I think they still need to be having fun/enjoying it to make it sustainable and avoid burnout.  Looking back at my path, when I could drive to training and matches by myself, I really started appreciating it and felt committed.    

None of this is easy with young ladies.  No wrong decisions, just minor setbacks till you get it right!  Best of luck!


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## graciesdad (Jan 13, 2022)

Stay with your current team. Too many people are willing to chase the "new bright and shiny". Stay local, enjoy more quality time with your family. Don't get caught up in alphabet soup acronyms of the club soccer world.


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## Ellejustus (Jan 13, 2022)

graciesdad said:


> Stay with your current team. T*oo many people are willing to chase the "new bright and shiny"*. Stay local, enjoy more quality time with your family. Don't get caught up in alphabet soup acronyms of the club soccer world.


100%.  It's all about the coach and the only way my kid or i would leave local play is for a coach only, not shiny medal like some think was the reason.  Don;t chase medals, chase a coach only.  My dd had the best and most honest coach ever for a female soccer player for two years.  40 years of coaching woman and learning from them.  He never lied to me or my daughter.  Never lied once and no favoritism or pay to have access to the all the goods.  That is the only good reason one will drive one hour and fifteen minutes each way, to be taught by a Master in his field.


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## justneededaname (Jan 13, 2022)

Thank you everyone for your advice. My dd has decided to stay with Team 1. But, she has also decided to start training regularly with the coach from Team 2 for extra practice. To her, that will give her the best of all worlds, she gets to play with the girls she knows and loves as well as train with a coach she was really excited about.

I asked her what she likes about soccer and what she wants from a team. She said she wanted a team where the girls were nice and were happy to see her when she came to practice. Where the coach and other players would push her to get better. Where they win and score goals.

Then I asked her what she thought she would learn from each coach. What she talked about with the coach of Team 1 was very team and style of play oriented. What she talked about with the coach from Team 2 was very player oriented.

When I suggested playing on Team 1 and training with the coach from Team 2 she lit up in a smile and it was like a great weight was lifted off of her shoulders.


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## Jamisfoes (Jan 13, 2022)

Is it a common thing to be able to play for one team and train free on another team?


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## justneededaname (Jan 13, 2022)

Jamisfoes said:


> Is it a common thing to be able to play for one team and train free on another team?


My experience is that a lot of coaches like to have guest players at their practices on certain days to help them be able to train in game like situations . At 11v11 with a roster or 16 it is hard to mimic full sided play. If the coach knows you and your player, they will often say "Yes, you are welcome to come on Thursday."


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## NorCalDad (Jan 13, 2022)

justneededaname said:


> My experience is that a lot of coaches like to have guest players at their practices on certain days to help them be able to train in game like situations . At 11v11 with a roster or 16 it is hard to mimic full sided play. If the coach knows you and your player, they will often say "Yes, you are welcome to come on Thursday."


Do you have to pay anything for that "guest practicing"?  Pretty sweet deal if you don't.


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