# Daugter Cut Before State Cup



## Alone (Mar 28, 2018)

We were loyal and quiet and it didn't matter.  Be careful, local smaller club, never would have expected it.


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## Alone (Mar 28, 2018)

Maybe it was because I can't spell.  Not the kids fault.


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## espola (Mar 28, 2018)

Alone said:


> We were loyal and quiet and it didn't matter.  Be careful, local smaller club, never would have expected it.


What reason was given?


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## Alone (Mar 28, 2018)

Not good enough anymore.  She played up, other kids played high school while she had no options, so yes, not good enough after 4 months off.  My main issue,  she was wanted on a team in her age group in November after league, we stayed loyal since our commitment was through state cup.  Small kid, maybe should have stopped anyway, but not the choice of this guy or the DOC.

Don't stay loyal.


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## Surfref (Mar 28, 2018)

What SD club?


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## Surfref (Mar 28, 2018)

Did they give you a refund since the season does not end until July.


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## espola (Mar 28, 2018)

Alone said:


> Not good enough anymore.  She played up, other kids played high school while she had no options, so yes, not good enough after 4 months off.  My main issue,  she was wanted on a team in her age group in November after league, we stayed loyal since our commitment was through state cup.  Small kid, maybe should have stopped anyway, but not the choice of this guy or the DOC.
> 
> Don't stay loyal.


Sue the bastards.


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## coachrefparent (Mar 28, 2018)

Alone said:


> Not good enough anymore.  She played up, other kids played high school while she had no options, so yes, not good enough after 4 months off.  My main issue,  she was wanted on a team in her age group in November after league, we stayed loyal since our commitment was through state cup.  Small kid, maybe should have stopped anyway, but not the choice of this guy or the DOC.
> 
> Don't stay loyal.


That's a difficult age group, especially for a smaller kid. Sounds like she was in 8th grade, and at the lower end of 2003** group, while many on her team were freshman. There is a huge gap for this age group. The olders are 11-12 months older than the youngest. Combine this with the peak puberty changes and you have young men and women as compared to just became teens. 

I've seen this same issue in lots of 2003 teams this year, as a result of the age group changes. Your daughter used to be playing with 04s, so was at the middle or top of the scale. Now, she's firmly at the bottom. It likely worked out until the puberty/high school gap emerged. 

There are a lot of young 03s  that are now struggling to stay on their team, since the age group change. It seems that the lower teams are more often now comprised with the younger 03s, and the higher flights have the older kids. This was all discussed when the changes occurred.   Lots of people will say that size and age aren't that important, but it is at this transitional olders stage, as it's literally kids vs adults in many cases, especially with the boys/men.

** I just saw that she was playing up. If so, then she is an 04 and the difference is even more dramatic. Find a good 04 team and keep playing. Her experience playing up will serve her well.


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## Josep (Mar 28, 2018)

That’s a tough one.  You’re criticized for leaving early, even when you’re the one leaving money on the table.  So you stay loyal and they can you anyway.  Suppose it could have been worse.  You could have endured a weekend for they simply didn’t play your daughter at all.  That would have been very embarrassing and as a parent it’s sometimes hard to control the emotions on the sidelines when the BS hits like that.  I hope you have a better year near year.


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## Alone (Mar 29, 2018)

Thanks for the replies, kids probably done so this is more of a warning. 

Basic details, 04 team collapsed due to whatever.  Found another 04 team at a big club 30 min away.  Coach of the o4 team she was on called, invited her on the 03 team.  I was a little apprehensive but didn't want the long drive so did it.  The coach was very encouraging until about October, called her slow and some other things.  I told her he didnt mean it as did he.  Season ended 1st week of November, come back last week of February, clear he had plans and my kid felt like an outsider as most all of the kidd just finished playing each other in high school.

The club has a lot to do with the local high school, probably why all the new kids showed for the tryouts.  Playing high school was her goal, won't be doing that now.

My kids have played on the range of SD clubs.  The "bad" ones really aren't different from the clubs you would expect to be more in line with their claimed purpose.


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## Josep (Mar 29, 2018)

The purpose is always the same for any club.  Make money.  That will always be the top objective.


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## coachrefparent (Mar 29, 2018)

This is really a sad thread. I think you  are approaching  this completely wrong. She was playing up, and the team ran away from her. Sounds like she needs a better fit, at her age, nothing more. It seems like you feel she should be kept on a team forever. Being "loyal", whatever that means to you, does not guarantee a spot.Given your comments my guess is she was not a top player on her team.

Why would she quit? I know she's  hurt, but find a better place for her,  there are lots of good clubs in SD.  Or maybe, she's not that passionate  about soccer and should take some time to reflect and grow as a teen.

Lots of talented  players  play for HS and are exposed to new clubs through  their teammates and try out for the first time. This adds a lot to the talent pool at this age level,  widening the gap with the younger players  (see my post above). You never said the players that replaced her weren't  as good as her.  I don't  see anything that  warrants blaming the club or coach.


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## Surfref (Mar 29, 2018)

Some private training might also help get her to that next level. My daughter got cut by a team when she was 14 and vowed to prove to the a-hole coach she was a good player and he made a mistake. For some reason she took getting cut as motivation to become a better player. My daughter was just an average player until she started doing privates on a regular basis when she was 14. I truly believe, and so does she, that the privates were the key to her excelling to the point that she got a very good college scholarship to play soccer. It also helped to fuel her love of soccer. She is still playing, she referees, she coaches club and does privates, all while taking a full college load as a junior.


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## timbuck (Mar 29, 2018)

I feel like once you are U14 or older, your team is your team.  Especially at a smaller club. Especially if not a DA team.  Maybe a few small moving parts here or there.  (Kid moves away.  Kid quits soccer.  A players best friend wants to leave her team and move to your team).  But unless a kid never shows up and/or has a horrible attitude -  Roll with the team you have created at this point.


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## G03_SD (Mar 29, 2018)

Very sorry to hear this, but it does happen often and more so in older teams. These coaches don't care about kids well being; but karma is a b and eventually it's going to come back around to them.


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## El Clasico (Mar 29, 2018)

Alone said:


> Not good enough anymore.  She played up, other kids played high school while she had no options, so yes, not good enough after 4 months off.  My main issue,  she was wanted on a team in her age group in November after league, we stayed loyal since our commitment was through state cup.  Small kid, maybe should have stopped anyway, but not the choice of this guy or the DOC.
> 
> Don't stay loyal.


What was your daughter doing for those 4 months? The answer to that question should give you some insight into where you go from here.


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## MakeAPlay (Mar 29, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I feel like once you are U14 or older, your team is your team.  Especially at a smaller club. Especially if not a DA team.  Maybe a few small moving parts here or there.  (Kid moves away.  Kid quits soccer.  A players best friend wants to leave her team and move to your team).  But unless a kid never shows up and/or has a horrible attitude -  Roll with the team you have created at this point.


I disagree with this 100%.  Your loyalty is to your player.  Things change.  Why would a player that is too good or too bad for a team stay with it other than situation "A" and they are staying to help their friends get recruited?  Even then it might hurt them if they look better than they are due to the unicorn's presence on the team?


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## timbuck (Mar 29, 2018)

MakeAPlay said:


> I disagree with this 100%.  Your loyalty is to your player.  Things change.  Why would a player that is too good or too bad for a team stay with it other than situation "A" and they are staying to help their friends get recruited?  Even then it might hurt them if they look better than they are due to the unicorn's presence on the team?


I am talking from a coaches standpoint.


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## MakeAPlay (Mar 29, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I am talking from a coaches standpoint.


Okay that makes a 180 degree difference.  I agree with that.  You built the team, you train the team, you better go with the team.


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## seesnake (Mar 29, 2018)

Quick look at SD area club websites shows many "players needed" at G2004. Maybe a change of scenery will be a good thing? It's a beautiful game and there are coaches out there who might make it come alive again for your daughter.


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## Beto (Mar 30, 2018)

I feel for you Alone. When your this far along a coach should know what to do with a player. Unfortunately this is 85 percent of coaching(most of the time coaches do not even realize what their doing) he should have let you finish  the season. I started a new project for exactly these situations.  When I was a young soccer player I wanted to go on a eurotrip but guess what! Yes I was not good enough.  What I do now is give everbody a chance to play in the biggest and best international Competitions.  I look at every players strengths and weaknesses then go from their. We compete in the biggest and best competitions in the world.  I get players from all over SAN Diego county and work with their strengths and weaknesses. I form groups I form teams and win or lose they learn unity.


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## ajaffe (Apr 18, 2018)

Toss me a message if you are looking for a team, 04 or 03. Let me help you get situated whether with us or another club. Dead serious.


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## Surfref (Apr 19, 2018)

If you are anywhere close to ajaffe's area you should take him up on the offer. Good coach but more importantly he is an honest and nice guy. His only downside is that he is really short


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## outside! (Apr 19, 2018)

Dammit Surfref, now I am humming that annoying song about short people.


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## MyDaughtersAKeeper (Apr 19, 2018)

outside! said:


> Dammit Surfref, now I am humming that annoying song about short people.






I thought I read you saying you were "hunting" for the song.  Not humming it.  Oh well.


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## Looking on from outside (Apr 19, 2018)

And down south in Chula we have a couple options at G04, G03 Rangers.


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## Soccermom4 (Apr 27, 2018)

Wow.  I am sorry to hear this, but others have made some good points. She was playing up and this age group is very difficult.  After the age matrix change, my child rode the bench for a good 2-3 months.  It took awhile for him to adjust. It is u fortunate that the coach did not let you know sooner so that you could find options instead of 4 months off. 

I'd say, don't give up.  Look for a better fit. U less you child is adamemt that she no longer wants to play.  There are still options.


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## Alone (Apr 27, 2018)

El Clasico said:


> What was your daughter doing for those 4 months? The answer to that question should give you some insight into where you go from here.


That was the problem, and what I was worried about when agreeing to her playing up. 

There were few opportunities.  This was a 13 year old girl, a lot of 13 year old girls have a really difficult time practicing and playing with teams that aren't theirs.  She tried but she felt like an outsider.  Clinics and other opportunities were filled with much younger kids.  Kids her age were playing on teams, kid on her team in high school. 

She practised on a back board and went to a few clinics with kids her age, that was it.

The kid thought she was "cheating" on her coach/team if she played anywhere else.  Now she is done.


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## pewpew (Apr 28, 2018)

Out the coach and club. They/He don't give two $#!ts about your kid..why should you care about them?! You might also pay it forward to some other unknowing player/parents and save them from the same fate by letting others know how this coach/club operate. 
A good reputation will follow you to your next house. A bad one will beat you there.
-Fire Dept Wisdom

P.S. Don't let her give up that easy..especially if she loves soccer. This is SoCal. Teams and opportunities EVERYWHERE. Find her a place where she's having FUN and developing. It's there..you just have to go find it.


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## Fact (Apr 30, 2018)

Please don't let her quit because of a jerk coach.  Because tryouts are over, she can take her time finding the right fit.  Maybe try to find out where other girls at her future high school will be playing.  99% of kids play for fun and to quit because of an adult it just losey. You can DM and I can give you a few suggestions.


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## coachsamy (Apr 30, 2018)

Alone said:


> That was the problem, and what I was worried about when agreeing to her playing up.
> 
> There were few opportunities.  This was a 13 year old girl, a lot of 13 year old girls have a really difficult time practicing and playing with teams that aren't theirs.  She tried but she felt like an outsider.  Clinics and other opportunities were filled with much younger kids.  Kids her age were playing on teams, kid on her team in high school.
> 
> ...


Which coach and club was this???


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## BeachHawk (Aug 7, 2018)

That is such bs. I don't care what team your daughter was on, this is not professional sports, it's kids' soccer and you pay them. How awful to take the joy out of playing. We happen to be in a situation where the coach has taken the love of the game from our girl, but, her high school coach is excited to have her and is rumored to be amazing. If that situation is truly what is making her give up on soccer then I suggest trying out at school. (As well as finding another team if that works out, ajaffe sounds amazing). Best of luck to you. And truth, soccer isn't everything, or even the only thing. Maybe this frees her up to find something else she will love.


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## Alone (Aug 10, 2018)

BeachHawk said:


> That is such bs. I don't care what team your daughter was on, this is not professional sports, it's kids' soccer and you pay them. How awful to take the joy out of playing. We happen to be in a situation where the coach has taken the love of the game from our girl, but, her high school coach is excited to have her and is rumored to be amazing. If that situation is truly what is making her give up on soccer then I suggest trying out at school. (As well as finding another team if that works out, ajaffe sounds amazing). Best of luck to you. And truth, soccer isn't everything, or even the only thing. Maybe this frees her up to find something else she will love.


It was the reason.  I could have probably talked her into giving it one more shot, but the guy is the JV coach at her high school so it was really the end of the line.


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## ajaffe (Aug 11, 2018)

Thanks for the kind words guys.

Alone, seriously, let’s chat. If you tell me who the varsity coach is I can have a word as well.


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## focused1 (Aug 12, 2018)

It sucks to have one individual to entirely ruin your DD's love for the game. It almost happened to us when mine was U11. Abusive, mean, favorite-playing jerk of a coach cut her and others right in front of the team one night, and she announced that she was done. I finally convinced her to give just one team a try and she found the new coach (who knows how to coach girls...unlike the other idiot) and has been with him for going on four years now. The love for the game did come back, but it took awhile


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## Alone (Aug 12, 2018)

ajaffe said:


> Thanks for the kind words guys.
> 
> Alone, seriously, let’s chat. If you tell me who the varsity coach is I can have a word as well.


The varsity coach is a good guy, just trying to make a living and run a club.  My oldest daughters favorite coach.  Its over for this kid.  

Fifteen or so years  I'll be a supportive grandpa who knows a thing or two.

By then I hope the economics of this works out.


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## coachsamy (Aug 15, 2018)

Alone said:


> The varsity coach is a good guy, just trying to make a living and run a club.  My oldest daughters favorite coach.  Its over for this kid.
> 
> Fifteen or so years  I'll be a supportive grandpa who knows a thing or two.
> 
> By then I hope the economics of this works out.


How is the guy a good guy when he cut your DD without a reason??? I wonder who is this coach...

Also don't let the politics of club take away the joy of playing the sport, and look at it as a blessing in disguise, in which your DD would have now time to play fall and spring varsity sports and still try out for soccer in the winter.


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