# Proper Side Line Etiquette For Soccer Parents?



## Chalklines (Sep 6, 2017)

Help me become the model parent for my kids Club. 

After selecting a club out here we received the 8 page player/parent contract for the upcoming season which includes mandating where you sit and what you can and cant say during a game........

My background. 12+ years, Texas High School football coach. (quiet will be new one for me)

How do I leave my coaching tendencies at home and become the ideal parent outlined in the contract?


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## LASTMAN14 (Sep 6, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> Help me become the model parent for my kids Club.
> 
> After selecting a club out here we received the 8 page player/parent contract for the upcoming season which includes mandating where you sit and what you can and cant say during a game........
> 
> ...


Internal self control. You were once the coach but now someone else has taken the lead. Let them.


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## MWN (Sep 6, 2017)

1: You are there to have fun, watch some (hopefully) fun games and support and cheer on your kid and the team.

2: Accept the fact that you know HS Football, but not soccer so much.  Any dolt can see that passing over the top to the speedster will result in a chance to score, but is that what the coach wants?  Is that developing the team or just a few players?  Maybe the coach wants to see ball movement, possession, switching the field, back passes, etc.  You ain't the coach, you are a parent.  Don't coach from the sideline because you don't know the game plan. 

3: Winning is fun, but winning isn't necessarily the measure of getting your monies worth.  Your kid is playing club soccer, so hopefully that means the kid has some talent.  The goal (pun intended) is to develop your kids talent to the point that they move to the next level and the next ... keep on developing and maybe a scholarship awaits.  Winning is a nice byproduct, but not the measure of success in youth sports, so don't get all riled up about wins and losses ... this isn't Texas HS football where jobs are lost.

4. Quietly laugh, chuckle and make fun of the Dad's and Mom's that think screaming and yelling and complaining about this or that is going to have any impact on the game ... other than seriously annoying the players, coaches, refs, and the other parents.

5.  Accept that the Referee is going to make bad calls.

6.  Accept that your child will make mistakes.

7.  Accept that your child's teammates will make mistakes.

8. After the game, tell them how proud you are of how they played.  Focus on what they did right.  They know what they did wrong (trust me they know).  Let the coach give them the constructive criticism.  After the game, take them for a soda and pizza.  [P.S. I know you are going to fail on this one, we all do ... I do it every game, but dammit I'm trying my best ... just need the boy to have a clean sheet every game.]

9: Advanced Level Soccer Parenting: Take the Referee courses (free).  Go through every single video for the Grade 8 and Grade 7 Referee courses.  Learn first hand that refereeing a Soccer games is unlike anything you are used too.  Appreciate that Soccer Referee's have wide latitude to "not call" a foul due to advantage or because the foul is "trifling."  Seriously, watch the official course materials and answer the questions.
https://www.ussoccer.com/Referees/Resource-Center/Online-Training/Grade-8-Referee-Course.aspx
https://www.ussoccer.com/Referees/Resource-Center/Online-Training/Grade-7-Referee-Course.aspx


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## Grace T. (Sep 6, 2017)

Also know it's really hard and you will fail sometimes, but you have to keep at it.  As a new team, from where we started we are much better now....still have quite a ways to go....it's a process.  For me it's especially challenging since (with the oversight of the club goalkeeper's coach who does a Friday academy and every rare while some privates) I'm my son's keeper private trailer, was his former coach at rec, am a licensed coach, and (if the assistant coach is not there) have to do his warm up before the game.  As his confidence and skills grow, I'm finding I can let go a little more....I'm now sitting center field instead of on the goalends and am looking forward to the day I can just let everything go.  I'm working on it.


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## boomer (Sep 6, 2017)

MWN said:


> 1: You are there to have fun, watch some (hopefully) fun games and support and cheer on your kid and the team.
> 
> 2: Accept the fact that you know HS Football, but not soccer so much.  Any dolt can see that passing over the top to the speedster will result in a chance to score, but is that what the coach wants?  Is that developing the team or just a few players?  Maybe the coach wants to see ball movement, possession, switching the field, back passes, etc.  You ain't the coach, you are a parent.  Don't coach from the sideline because you don't know the game plan.
> 
> ...


Excellent advice MWN. Something simple and practical until you get the hang of it...

Make a deal with another parent or two (ideally with the same tendencies as you) - $5 every time you guys have an outburst about a ref's call/non-call or if you give ANY instructions to your kids (even simple crap like "pull your socks up"). 'Atta-boys' for hard work or good play are completely acceptable. Anything else will cost you $5. Tally it at the end of every game. Biggest mouth pays up. You will be checking each other constantly to catch the other in the act. Sounds silly, but it works.

After a while you probably will settle right in to the proper culture your club is setting and realize that your kid actually plays better and more freely without your voice chiming in from the sideline. Won't need the $5 rule for ever.


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## LASTMAN14 (Sep 6, 2017)

I'm thinking the original poster is getting his monies worth.


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## Daniel Miller (Sep 6, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> Help me become the model parent for my kids Club.
> 
> How do I leave my coaching tendencies at home and become the ideal parent outlined in the contract?


I haven't seen your soccer contract, but I know what it says.  Don't question the decisions of the coach, assistant coach, team parent, other parents, or their analogues on other teams.  Don't question the decisions of any referee or assistant referee.  Show only positive emotions from the moment you get into the car to drive your beloved son or daughter to practice or a game.  Thoughtful, critical analysis will not be tolerated by your club.  If your team is awful it is because it is "developing."  If another team is always winning, it is because the coach is immoral and taking "shortcuts."  The only thing your club wants to hear from you is that your wallet is freely accessible.

If you are passionate about soccer, or if you are passionate about your son or daughter, then you have no chance of complying with these terms.  I would find another club; one that is not so controlling.  Find one that lets Moms be Moms and Dads be Dads, within certain boundaries of limited craziness.  But - if you must stay with that club - then the only way to both contractually perform and maintain sanity is to stop caring.  Go straight to apathy and do not pass Go.


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## Kicker4Life (Sep 6, 2017)

Sit away from all the other parents wear earphones and play loud music.


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## FootyBob (Sep 6, 2017)

At our club, the rule of thumb is that parents shouldn't shout any verbs to the players during games.  Seems to work pretty well (when followed).


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## Grace T. (Sep 6, 2017)

FootyBob said:


> At our club, the rule of thumb is that parents shouldn't shout any verbs to the players during games.  Seems to work pretty well (when followed).


Not to over lawyer the thing, but that rule wouldn't take care of reprimanding your own side ("bad move Johnny!" but it does cover "come on Johnny!") or heckling the other side ("you suck!") or insulting the ref (though I guess it does cover "are you blind ref?").    I'm assuming too there would be an exception for if your kid starts fighting or dirty play ("stop it Johnny!"....since this just came up in the other thread) or for questions such as "are you injured...are you o.k."?  At least it gets rid of the "shoot!"...the most ridiculous command ever.


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## Chalklines (Sep 6, 2017)

LASTMAN14 said:


> I'm thinking the original poster is getting his monies worth.


I am. Good points from everyone! This really helps.


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## espola (Sep 6, 2017)

Take a bag of lollipops to the game.  Whenever you find yourself speaking out of turn, stick one in your mouth.  Offer the same service to other parents.


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## mahrez (Sep 6, 2017)

Just remember one thing and you should be fine:  *no sideline coaching





*


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## Nutmeg (Sep 6, 2017)

Everybody has been brainwashed on this forum by club soccer PC dogma. No wonder coaches and doc's get away with murder. It's simple don't talk to another kid, be nice to the AR, don't sit on chalk lines and be cool. Other than that say, sit, stand whatever you want. 8 page player parent contract. Give me a break.


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## allstarsoccer310 (Sep 6, 2017)

Dogma that isn't reciprocated towards parents. Best advice headphones. 
There is a thread here that posted an 05 video. I watched about five minute of it and everything that any parent said "great ball", "unlucky", nice work was actually a horrible ball, bad touch, and no work rate. I agree with the refs that it's alarming how little parents know


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## Mackerel Sam (Sep 6, 2017)

FootyBob said:


> At our club, the rule of thumb is that parents shouldn't shout any verbs to the players during games.  Seems to work pretty well (when followed).


Would work well for me. I can have lots of fun with adjectives.


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## Sparky9 (Sep 6, 2017)

Have your attorney read it before signing. 8 pages is about 7 pages too many. My kids like it when we the only time we cheer is for a good play or a goal. Easier said than done but that's really about it.


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## Ricky Fandango (Sep 6, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> Help me become the model parent for my kids Club.
> 
> After selecting a club out here we received the 8 page player/parent contract for the upcoming season which includes mandating where you sit and what you can and cant say during a game........
> 
> ...


Be rational, but dont become a lemming.


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## coachrefparent (Sep 6, 2017)

boomer said:


> Excellent advice MWN. Something simple and practical until you get the hang of it...
> 
> Make a deal with another parent or two (ideally with the same tendencies as you) - $5 every time you guys have an outburst about a ref's call/non-call or if you give ANY instructions to your kids (even simple crap like "pull your socks up"). 'Atta-boys' for hard work or good play are completely acceptable. Anything else will cost you $5. Tally it at the end of every game. Biggest mouth pays up. You will be checking each other constantly to catch the other in the act. Sounds silly, but it works.
> 
> After a while you probably will settle right in to the proper culture your club is setting and realize that your kid actually plays better and more freely without your voice chiming in from the sideline. Won't need the $5 rule for ever.


This will never work. Each parent will owe the other $500 and will break even each game. They will still be foolish, ignorant a-holes.


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## Justafan (Sep 6, 2017)

[QUOTE="Chalklines, post: 115190, member
My background. 12+ years, Texas High School football coach. (quiet will be new one for me)[/QUOTE]

Ex-football coach from TEXAS!  Brother, you got no shot.  Just kick yourself out and watch from the parking lot.


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## Justafan (Sep 6, 2017)

coachrefparent said:


> This will never work. Each parent will owe the other $500 and will break even each game. They will still be foolish, ignorant a-holes.


Easy tiger, at least they recognize the issue and are trying to address it.


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## smellycleats (Sep 6, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> Help me become the model parent for my kids Club.
> 
> After selecting a club out here we received the 8 page player/parent contract for the upcoming season which includes mandating where you sit and what you can and cant say during a game........
> 
> ...


no verbs


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## Fact (Sep 6, 2017)

TCD said:


> I'll be honest (and probably catch sh*t for it) but I struggle with being quiet on the sidelines. I blame it on my Irish/Italian heritage + high school cheerleader + former soccer player.  I should probably just take a Xanax before each game. However, to avoid drug addiction, I'll sometimes bring my camera and take photos as it helps me keep my mouth shut...most of the time. Or, I'll go and stand on the opposing team's parent sideline where I know I better keep my mouth shut. Or, I'll go and stand in the corner and mutter where no one can hear me. Wish I could say I do a better job of keeping my mouth shut...but at least I'm getting better...I think...


Never go on the opposing team's sideline even if you are quiet.  Follow the rules which are there for a reason. The only exception is if you are speaking with friends that have a player on the opposing side so in essence you are invited on the other side.


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## MWN (Sep 6, 2017)

TCD said:


> I'll be honest (and probably catch sh*t for it) but I struggle with being quiet on the sidelines. I blame it on my Irish/Italian heritage + high school cheerleader + former soccer player.  I should probably just take a Xanax before each game. However, to avoid drug addiction, I'll sometimes bring my camera and take photos as it helps me keep my mouth shut...most of the time. Or, I'll go and stand on the opposing team's parent sideline where I know I better keep my mouth shut. Or, I'll go and stand in the corner and mutter where no one can hear me. Wish I could say I do a better job of keeping my mouth shut...but at least I'm getting better...I think...


Bringing the camera and taking photos is a good idea.  The great thing about being the photographer is you get a little more slack moving around the field and to the other side of the field if the light is better.  Most coaches and refs are cool about it, as long as you don't cheer and work the game like a pro photographer.


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## Fact (Sep 6, 2017)

TCD said:


> I didn't know you weren't allowed to stand on the other side. I just thought you had to remain silent (how would they know you were with the other team if you're not cheering, etc?)  Thanks for the info.  Too bad, it was always an easy way for me to remain a silent spectator.


Yes, different leagues and tournaments dictate where parents sit.  Mostly on opposite side of sidelines from the team.  After awhile you get you know players and their parents.  All it takes is one unhappy parent to see you on the wrong side to start a chain of events.  Plus, are you telling me that if your dd scored an amazing goal, you could and would remain silent?  Not worth the possibility of upsetting someone.


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## timbuck (Sep 6, 2017)

MWN said:


> Bringing the camera and taking photos is a good idea.  The great thing about being the photographer is you get a little more slack moving around the field and to the other side of the field if the light is better.  Most coaches and refs are cool about it, as long as you don't cheer and work the game like a pro photographer.


Bring the camera and record the crazy people on the sidelines.


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## coachrefparent (Sep 6, 2017)

timbuck said:


> Bring the camera and record the crazy people on the sidelines.


I truly believe this is the best solution. Each team brings a camera and points it at the opposing sideline for each game. Then post the video on Youtube after every game, and have a site for each gaming circuit that links all the video.


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## soccermama213 (Sep 6, 2017)

Fact said:


> Never go on the opposing team's sideline even if you are quiet.  Follow the rules which are there for a reason. The only exception is if you are speaking with friends that have a player on the opposing side so in essence you are invited on the other side.


Ive gone on the opposing teams sidelines to take photos of my DD who is a forward. I keep my mouth shut and make sure to go as far down toward the endline as possible away from parents. There is nothing wrong with that


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## GKDad65 (Sep 7, 2017)

Pace nervously away from all other parents, put something in your mouth, talk to yourself.  Preferably on the side without an AR.  That one always gets me.


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## Surfref (Sep 7, 2017)

Fact said:


> Never go on the opposing team's sideline even if you are quiet.  Follow the rules which are there for a reason. The only exception is if you are speaking with friends that have a player on the opposing side so in essence you are invited on the other side.


If it is a public park or school, I will stand wherever I want.  Who is going to move me.


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## Surfref (Sep 7, 2017)

If you are one of those parents that just has to make comments about the refs, at least sit/stand on the half of the field away from the AR.  I see a good number of parents get in trouble because they make comments  to other parents about the referee while the AR is standing in front of them.  The referee crew is a team and if you insult one of them you insulted all of them.  I know several teams that purposely pick their bench so their spectators across the field are away from the AR.  Most of these clubs will not allow the parents to sit/stand in the AR's half of the field if the bench and spectators are on the same touch line.

Dads, don't try and coach your teenage daughters.  At Blues Cup I had a 14y/o and 17y/o tell their fathers to be quiet.  Actually the 14y/o was very blunt and loud with her dad, "Just shut up, I know what I am doing."  The other parents got a good laugh out of it and the dad was quiet.  I see this quite often with teenage players.


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## MWN (Sep 7, 2017)

Surfref said:


> If it is a public park or school, I will stand wherever I want.  Who is going to move me.


When a City or School gives a group (Club/League) a permit to use the fields, included in that permit is a bit of exclusivity to use the fields.  Most permits state that the entire grass area is licensed to the Club/League, not just the area immediately surrounding the lined field and grant the club/league holding the permit the right to dictate who may enter the field.  The guy with the dog playing Frisbee in the corner, the family holding a birthday party that spills over from the BBQ/Pavilion to the grass, the Dad and kid playing catch, can all be removed by any agent of the Club/League for just standing on the permitted area.

If this was an SCDSL game, then the following are the policies and enforcement procedure.  From the 2017 Game Day Procedure Manual, which forms the basis of the rules and regulations all parents and their invitees (grandpa, Uncle Bob, etc.) must abide by:

Parents/spectators all sit on one side of the field. Home team coach will chose which side of mid-field the home team sits on. Each team parents/spectators will mirror their respective team/coach on the opposite side of the field. Parents are to stay on their side of midfield. PARENTS/SPECTATORS DO NOT SWITCH SIDES AT HALF-TIME. They are to stay where they are the entire game. Please make sure ALL spectators understand what is expected of them on the sidelines during SCDSL games. Clubs, DOC's and coaches will be held accountable for the sideline behavior of their spectators. I would recommend printing a copy of the SCDSL rules in case the referees do not know them. This is a learning process for everyone and the more prepared Team Managers are and the more information they have available to answer questions, the better things will go.​The above is initially enforced by the Team Manager, then the Coach, then the Club/DOC.  The procedure manual continues:

Managers should introduce themselves to each other prior to the game. If there are issues with parents/spectators from the opposing teams, parents/spectators are NOT to get confrontational with the opposing team. *Managers should communicate with each other and each manager should deal with their own sideline issue*. Parents/spectators are NOT to talk, criticize or bother the Assistant Referee on their side of the field. Referee Associations have been instructed that if this does occur, the AR will inform the center ref and the person causing the problem will be sent away from the field.​
The Referee is additionally empowered under the SCDSL rules to enforce all SCDSL policies.

Presidio and CSL have adopted a policy of parents sitting on the same side as their team, so I don't know if a similar rule exists for those clubs.  What I can also say is US DA, USYS, Cal South all subscribe to the concept of parents on one side and players on the other side.


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## allstarsoccer310 (Sep 7, 2017)

SCDSL is a toothless tiger. Sit where you want just be a good person.


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## MWN (Sep 7, 2017)

allstarsoccer310 said:


> SCDSL is a toothless tiger. Sit where you want just be a good person.


You better watch what you say or you'll find your teams schedule doesn't get posted until 12 hours before game time.


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## Fact (Sep 7, 2017)

allstarsoccer310 said:


> SCDSL is a toothless tiger. Sit where you want just be a good person.


Great SCDSL is toothless.  But do you really want to be that parent, even if quiet, that becomes an issue that the manager has to deal with?  All it takes is for 1 parent from the other team to complain.  Managers do enough without parents adding to it. Sounds like you are a teoublemaker.


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## allstarsoccer310 (Sep 7, 2017)

MWN said:


> You better watch what you say or you'll find your teams schedule doesn't get posted until 12 hours before game time.


Michelle and I are good don't worry


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## Fact (Sep 7, 2017)

Surfref said:


> If it is a public park or school, I will stand wherever I want.  Who is going to move me.


I am surprised you will say this.  Does it also hold true then that if I am at a public park, that I can yell at the ref crew and you won't do anything?  Afterall it is free speech.

My rule is that if I can do anything to make the manager's job easier and not add to their problems I will do it.  Sitting in the proper place is a no brainer unless you are a troublemaker (or taking photos).


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## allstarsoccer310 (Sep 7, 2017)

I will say this is the first post I have ever ag


Fact said:


> I am surprised you will say this.  Does it also hold true then that if I am at a public park, that I can yell at the ref crew and you won't do anything?  Afterall it is free speech.
> 
> My rule is that if I can do anything to make the manager's job easier and not add to their problems I will do it.  Sitting in the proper place is a no brainer unless you are a troublemaker (or taking photos).


This is the first post I have ever agreeded with you on. Agree make life easier for the people who work hard for all of us. I video the games and as long as I share the YouTube uplink both sides like me for the record. Respect goes a long way and I have yet to meet any manager who isn't reasonable when approached and treated respectfully. 
Quit name calling it's getting old


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## allstarsoccer310 (Sep 7, 2017)

Fact is so busy this morning lol


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## Bananacorner (Sep 7, 2017)

MWN said:


> Bringing the camera and taking photos is a good idea.  The great thing about being the photographer is you get a little more slack moving around the field and to the other side of the field if the light is better.  Most coaches and refs are cool about it, as long as you don't cheer and work the game like a pro photographer.


Taking video is even better.  All it took was a couple of times playing back and hearing myself comment and yell to make me realize what I sound like.  I also find trying to follow the game with the video is difficult enough that often find I can't multi-task enough to say anything anyway.


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## outside! (Sep 7, 2017)

My only request to anyone taking pictures or video is to keep your mouth shut. Don't ruin it for the rest of us camera junkies that behave.


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## watfly (Sep 7, 2017)

Distance is your friend.  You can usually find a couple other dads down by the corner flag to shoot the bull with and keep you somewhat preoccupied.

There is such an easy way to mitigate (won't eliminate) parent comments to the refs and parent coaching.  It baffles me that more leagues don't require the parents to sit with their team to the left of the bench (or to the right in those odd cases when the CR prefers his ARs on the left).  You eliminate direct contact with the AR and the coach can better control his parents from coaching and talking smack to the ref.  All leagues state that the Coach is responsible for parent behavior yet they often put the coach on the opposite sideline from the parents...that makes zero sense.  Now I realize some refs prefer that all parents are on one side because they feel they can better control the parents, but that's not the ref's responsibility and only escalates parent/ref interaction.


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## chargerfan (Sep 7, 2017)

Fact said:


> Great SCDSL is toothless.  But do you really want to be that parent, even if quiet, that becomes an issue that the manager has to deal with?  All it takes is for 1 parent from the other team to complain.  Managers do enough without parents adding to it. Sounds like you are a teoublemaker.


Oh no, you wouldn't want to be a youth soccer parent troublemaker But really, sit where you want if you are adult enough to not make snide comments and get into arguments with the opposing teams parents. I'm not going to let a club that I pay thousands of dollars for treat me like a kindergartener with a list of rules for attending my child's game which I have most likely just spent an hour driving to.


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## Brian (Sep 7, 2017)

For the OP, I too came from the very emotional world of football.  I coached my kids in baseball so that I could be the loud voice from the sidelines.  Meanwhile I avoided my Ulittle DD's games because it was such a constrained environment.  I simply had a very hard time not interjecting myself into the competition and restraining the emotion that I was taught to be a part of sport.  As my DD grew older and more skilled I could no longer avoid the sidelines.  At first it was very difficult not to focus on every move that my DD made and to suppress the urge to give direction and a running commentary.  I found a solution in taking up the activity of keeping team stats.  You are so occupied by the task at hand that you cannot focus on your DD and you become a little detached from the emotion of the game.  I don't have to do it every game any longer as I have calmed down a bit and it's nice to just enjoy the game now.   It did help me though.  I would think that any activity or task that you can take up such as others have suggested will distract you from the emotion of the game.


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## younothat (Sep 7, 2017)

Wow really not that complicated

Remember one thing: These are kids game not yours.   

Allow the kids to develop and fend for themselves, Its their game - not yours.  Don't ever forget that and you will be fine.


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## outside! (Sep 7, 2017)

younothat said:


> Wow really not that complicated
> 
> Remember one thing: These are kids game not yours.
> 
> Allow the kids to develop and fend for themselves, Its their game - not yours.  Don't ever forget that and you will be fine.


Excellent sentiment, but is there one for girls? Sorry to be "that guy" but subtle sexism is still not inclusive.


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## younothat (Sep 7, 2017)

outside! said:


> Excellent sentiment, but is there one for girls? Sorry to be "that guy" but subtle sexism is still not inclusive.


Yeah I have a daughter also


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## allstarsoccer310 (Sep 7, 2017)

I find it offensive that the signs are in traditional blue and pink. I hate to be that guy but do you have a gender neutral color? I am triggered


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## NumberTen (Sep 7, 2017)

Is it starting to snow?


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## Deadpoolscores! (Sep 7, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> Help me become the model parent for my kids Club.
> 
> After selecting a club out here we received the 8 page player/parent contract for the upcoming season which includes mandating where you sit and what you can and cant say during a game........
> 
> ...


Duck tape my friend works wonders, sugar free vs lolipops...LOL


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## boomer (Sep 7, 2017)

View attachment 1380


allstarsoccer310 said:


> I find it offensive that the signs are in traditional blue and pink. I hate to be that guy but do you have a gender neutral color? I am triggered


Here ya go. Neutral lettering on neutral background.View attachment 1380


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## boomer (Sep 7, 2017)

allstarsoccer310 said:


> I find it offensive that the signs are in traditional blue and pink. I hate to be that guy but do you have a gender neutral color? I am triggered





boomer said:


> View attachment 1380
> Here ya go. Neutral lettering on neutral background.View attachment 1380


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## coachrefparent (Sep 7, 2017)

allstarsoccer310 said:


> I find it offensive that the signs are in traditional blue and pink. I hate to be that guy but do you have a gender neutral color? I am triggered


But what if he or she is unsure about his/her identity? This is a micro aggression. And, what if the kid doesn't have a Mom or Dad? This is offensive and hurtful.  What if their parent died in a car accident? This is callous.  What if a kid's uncle is homeless? "Bum" is an oppressive and elitist word. 

The people who made this sign have no heart, and hate children. March, resist, march, riot, march until each and every sign is torn down.


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## MWN (Sep 7, 2017)

coachrefparent said:


> The people who made this sign have no heart, and hate children. March, resist, march, riot, march until each and every sign is torn down.


I'm against picketing ... I just don't know how to show it.


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## allstarsoccer310 (Sep 7, 2017)

boomer said:


> View attachment 1383


I clearly see white. You need to check your privilege. 

The big bad DOC WOLF is watching so you best be sitting where you 'sposed to. Don't want to trigger any soccer parents


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## allstarsoccer310 (Sep 7, 2017)

coachrefparent said:


> But what if he or she is unsure about his/her identity? This is a micro aggression. And, what if the kid doesn't have a Mom or Dad? This is offensive and hurtful.  What if their parent died in a car accident? This is callous.  What if a kid's uncle is homeless? "Bum" is an oppressive and elitist word.
> 
> The people who made this sign have no heart, and hate children. March, resist, march, riot, march until each and every sign is torn down.


These are all great points. Also in the 8 page contract I hope it addresses what we do with kids who have grass allergies at soccer games. Grass is toxic as well and we need to address this as a group so that the 3 kids in our league who are allergic to grass can also play. 
Seating arrangements are truly the pinnacle of concern for SCSDL amd I for one am so thankful that they have decided to make such a stand for such an important issue. I am hoping the next pillar of excellence they pursue is the height of spectator chairs because those of you who prefer the tall ones are obstructing my view.


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## younothat (Sep 7, 2017)




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## allstarsoccer310 (Sep 7, 2017)

Science offends me as well.


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## younothat (Sep 7, 2017)

allstarsoccer310 said:


> Science offends me as well.


Who about Art?

First 11v11 on the attact...

Kind of bunching up could work on their shape and angles a bit


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## boomer (Sep 7, 2017)

allstarsoccer310 said:


> I clearly see white. You need to check your privilege.
> 
> The big bad DOC WOLF is watching so you best be sitting where you 'sposed to. Don't want to trigger any soccer parents


Come on. That is clearly swiss coffee and the lettering is in invisible paint so not to offend anyone. It actually says "Sit down and shut the f*ck up while you watch your kid's game". I'm paraphrasing a little.


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## chargerfan (Sep 7, 2017)

younothat said:


> Who about Art?
> 
> First 11v11 on the attact...
> 
> Kind of bunching up could work on their shape and angles a bit


For about 1k in speed and agility training, and 2k in privates, I could get at least one of these players on the national team. I see a lot of potential here. They just haven't had the right coach. I see some very special players that I could help with both their endurance and their instagram marketing. I would be proud to feature a couple on my own instagram page with the appropriate hashtags. Hell, for an extra 500, I will even tag the uswnt to see if Jill Ellis likes what she sees. I really think I could get a couple in the Stanford team, full ride, if you'd pass along my contact info. But only to the ones whose parents have money.


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## Surfref (Sep 7, 2017)

MWN said:


> When a City or School gives a group (Club/League) a permit to use the fields, included in that permit is a bit of exclusivity to use the fields.  Most permits state that the entire grass area is licensed to the Club/League, not just the area immediately surrounding the lined field and grant the club/league holding the permit the right to dictate who may enter the field.  The guy with the dog playing Frisbee in the corner, the family holding a birthday party that spills over from the BBQ/Pavilion to the grass, the Dad and kid playing catch, can all be removed by any agent of the Club/League for just standing on the permitted area.
> 
> If this was an SCDSL game, then the following are the policies and enforcement procedure.  From the 2017 Game Day Procedure Manual, which forms the basis of the rules and regulations all parents and their invitees (grandpa, Uncle Bob, etc.) must abide by:
> 
> ...


I was being sarcastic.


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## Chalklines (Sep 7, 2017)

> Ex-football coach from TEXAS!  Brother, you got no shot.  Just kick yourself out and watch from the parking lot.


And this is why im asking.

Most of you have been spot on with your responses. My approach as been like those suggested. Im not qualified to make coaching decisions nor do I have the soccer IQ to know what on gods earth the coach is thinking by having the same player dribble down the field with blinders on and get the ball stolen or kicked out of bounds 95% of the time by not passing. 

As you could imagine, im a very out spoken individual. Music will get a try along with sitting away from the action.

For football, parents are in the stands behind a walk way / track / band / bench. Just being a soccer observer at this point you have too many people sitting on the side lines getting emotionally involved because the games an arms length away. I could easily see things cool off for everyone if they sat at least 20 yards back from the field.[/QUOTE]


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## Grace T. (Sep 7, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> And this is why im asking.
> 
> Most of you have been spot on with your responses. My approach as been like those suggested. Im not qualified to make coaching decisions nor do I have the soccer IQ to know what on gods earth the coach is thinking by having the same player dribble down the field with blinders on and get the ball stolen or kicked out of bounds 95% of the time by not passing.
> 
> ...


It's worse when you actually do have a bit of soccer IQ...you start to question everything the coaches/refs/players do so be thankful if your soccer IQ is low.....a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.  It also gives you an appreciation for how tough those roles are, but man it's hard when you see something that just doesn't make any sense.


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## coachrefparent (Sep 7, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> And this is why im asking.
> 
> Most of you have been spot on with your responses. My approach as been like those suggested. Im not qualified to make coaching decisions n*or do I have the soccer IQ to know what on gods earth the coach is thinking by having the same player dribble down the field with blinders on and get the ball stolen or kicked out of bounds 95% of the time by not passing*.


Don't feel bad, you're just like the other 95% of parents. And I can assure you that if your coach is at all decent, he spends 95% of his time at practice trying to get that kid to pass more. If not, change teams now.


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## Oski (Sep 7, 2017)

If you are looking for reasons to be quiet on the sideline, here's my two cents:

1.   From the referee perspective, there's a lot of verbal information already flying around the field from those with a formal role in the game -- coaches, teammates, the referee.  As a result, shouted direction from parents are frequently unheard by the intended target, and, when heard, frequently conflict with direction from the coach.  Good/useful advice from parents is quite rare -- particularly when soccer was not their primary sport as a child.

2.  From the coaching perspective, especially at younger ages, kids may be in great physical shape and have good ball skills, but they are often not developmentally ready to spread out, pass the ball, make runs off the ball, etc.  Some kids' brains are ready to process all of that at a very young age -- others don't figure it out until later, if at all.  Yelling at them to do something their brain doesn't comprehend doesn't do them or you any good.  They'll probably figure it out -- just next season.

3.  From a player perspective, figuring something out yourself is a better way to learn than having someone else figure it out and tell you what to do.  When coaching younger ages, I sometimes had a quiet sideline game with no parent or coach directions to players.  I noticed that whatever information I would typically have yelled out was generally figured out by the player on their own -- just a few seconds later.  In other words, they often knew what to do -- they just weren't figuring it out as quickly as the adults.  If I had yelled out a directive, they likely would have lost the opportunity to figure it out themselves.  At some point, the players need to be making their own decisions and communicating with their teammates -- not the coaches or parents.  Soccer is a players' game -- in contrast to football, there are very few plays coming in from the sideline -- so the players need to learn to figure it out themselves.

4.  From a wins/losses perspective, the more you yell directions -- particularly if your player is actually listening to you -- the more the other team knows what's about to happen, with obvious negative consequences.

5.  From a parent/child perspective, yelling at your kid can embarrass them and make the game much less enjoyable for them (and you), particularly if parent directions conflict with those from the coach, which is frequently the case.  I've seen kids midgame just stop playing, turn to the sideline, and beg their parent to zip it.

For all these reasons, as a parent I generally avoid shouting out in-game directions to my player . . . except when I'm really talking to the ref: "Hey [player] don't let #9 elbow you in the neck."


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## Justafan (Sep 7, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> the same player dribble down the field with blinders on and get the ball stolen or kicked out of bounds 95% of the time by not passing.


[/QUOTE]

It's ok to yell at that kid.


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## chargerfan (Sep 7, 2017)

It's ok to yell at that kid.[/QUOTE]

I think we have all dealt with more than one kid like that on our dd's teams  It is more frustrating at 13 than at 8 though.


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## Chalklines (Sep 7, 2017)

Justafan said:


> It's ok to yell at that kid.


By the 3rd game some parents got very vocal including my self. 

It's one thing if the kid was an impact player but constantly doing the same thing and missing wiiiiiiide open teammates constantly made me want to lose my mind.

This is where the football demons come out to play and I just want to yell "get your ass on the bench!!!!!"


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## Fact (Sep 7, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> By the 3rd game some parents got very vocal including my self.
> 
> It's one thing if the kid was an impact player but constantly doing the same thing and missing wiiiiiiide open teammates constantly made me want to lose my mind.
> 
> This is where the football demons come out to play and I just want to yell "get your ass on the bench!!!!!"


In soccer, you generally want your kid to be a starter, but in the middle of the pack, with some kids better than them and some kids worse than them.  So you are always going to run into thinking that a player might not be good enough for the team.  But that is were is should end, think it but don't say it.  That is the coach's job.


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## timbuck (Sep 7, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> By the 3rd game some parents got very vocal including my self.
> 
> It's one thing if the kid was an impact player but constantly doing the same thing and missing wiiiiiiide open teammates constantly made me want to lose my mind.
> 
> This is where the football demons come out to play and I just want to yell "get your ass on the bench!!!!!"


In football, they player with the ball has to make an impact.  QB hands off to the RB, he needs to find the hole and shake/break a tackle.  QB passes to WR. It's WR job to catch the ball and hopefully stay on their feet to beat a defender.  There may be a lead blocker,  but it's mostly the guy with the ball beating another player. The "other"players all have a job to do and if they don't the QB to RB or QB to WR play breaks down.  Aside from getting the ball and being quicker/faster than the DB/LB, there aren't as many decisions to be made as a soccer player has to make. (I grew up playing FB and play and coach soccer now).
And in soccer, every player touches the ball, so parents are more apt to get "excited" versus football, you don't hear to many parents screaming at the left guard or the weak side corner. 
Not sure what age you are referring too, but the ability and confidence to try and beat a defender is something that a lot of players are missing.  Receiving a ball and quickly getting rid of it is not soccer- that's hot potato. 
Players have a ton of decisions with and without the ball in soccer.
With the ball-  Go forward-  fast or under control. Go backwards. Pass backwards.  Pass. Shoot.  
Without the ball-  am I open?  Where do I move to be open?  Where is the ball going next?  How do I anticipate what's going to happen next. If we lose the ball, what is my responsibility?


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## Real Deal (Sep 7, 2017)

timbuck said:


> In football, they player with the ball has to make an impact.  QB hands off to the RB, he needs to find the hole and shake/break a tackle.  QB passes to WR. It's WR job to catch the ball and hopefully stay on their feet to beat a defender.  There may be a lead blocker,  but it's mostly the guy with the ball beating another player. The "other"players all have a job to do and if they don't the QB to RB or QB to WR play breaks down.  Aside from getting the ball and being quicker/faster than the DB/LB, there aren't as many decisions to be made as a soccer player has to make. (I grew up playing FB and play and coach soccer now).
> And in soccer, every player touches the ball, so parents are more apt to get "excited" versus football, you don't hear to many parents screaming at the left guard or the weak side corner.
> Not sure what age you are referring too, but the ability and confidence to try and beat a defender is something that a lot of players are missing.  Receiving a ball and quickly getting rid of it is not soccer- that's hot potato.
> Players have a ton of decisions with and without the ball in soccer.
> ...


So I take it you are not a fan of Bayern Munich, Barcelona, Arsenal, the Japanese Women's national team, etc etc?  That all looks like one hot potato to you?

Soccer is a passing game.  Please. Even a long ball is a type of pass.

But I'm not really sure what it has to do with sideline etiquette.


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## timbuck (Sep 7, 2017)

Real Deal said:


> So I take it you are not a fan of Bayern Munich, Barcelona, Arsenal, the Japanese Women's national team, etc etc?  That all looks like one hot potato to you?
> 
> Soccer is a passing game.  Please. Even a long ball is a type of pass.
> 
> But I'm not really sure what it has to do with sideline etiquette.


I bet those players learned to dribble before they became great passers.


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## coachrefparent (Sep 8, 2017)

timbuck said:


> I bet those players learned to dribble before they became great passers.


And they learned how to poop in their diapers before they learned to poop in a toilet.


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## LASTMAN14 (Sep 9, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> And this is why im asking.
> 
> Most of you have been spot on with your responses. My approach as been like those suggested. Im not qualified to make coaching decisions nor do I have the soccer IQ to know what on gods earth the coach is thinking by having the same player dribble down the field with blinders on and get the ball stolen or kicked out of bounds 95% of the time by not passing.
> 
> ...


[/QUOTE]
Yes, I agree sitting a bit further away from directly sitting on the sideline helps calm or diffuse any emotions that may be swirling. Especially if watching a game in a stadium as compared to a facility with just a field. Not to mention its the only time you will find me sitting and watching a game. I can escape the chatter without finding a far off place.


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## espola (Sep 9, 2017)

timbuck said:


> I bet those players learned to dribble before they became great passers.


I taught my kids shooting, then trapping, then passing, before dribbling.  It's easier.


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## zebrafish (Sep 9, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> Help me become the model parent for my kids Club.
> 
> After selecting a club out here we received the 8 page player/parent contract for the upcoming season which includes mandating where you sit and what you can and cant say during a game........
> 
> ...


I think this is incredibly difficult. It has taken me a lot of hard work to transition to a good (mostly) sideline parent from a former coach for my own kid. 

A lot of helpful suggestions already:

1. Admitting you have a problem or a tendency to a problem is good start
2. Making a contract with another parent (suggestion made about paying $5 for every comment, etc)-- I really like this one
3. Create a distraction for yourself-- doing game video is really helpful for me to keep from saying anything; also, when you review the video you can listen to the sideline comments
4. Sit far away from other parents/kids. You can have a running (low volume) verbal commentary with yourself w/o anyone hearing you. 

With time and effort, you'll get better. 

I think for a football coach, I can imagine the tendency is to want to over coach a soccer player-- to me, it seems like every movement of football players on offense (for example) is almost completely scripted. Soccer is not like this. Not at all. There is a lot of spontaneous stuff going on.

One thing I also learned was that certain things self-correct without active coaching. My own kid's team kept passing the ball to the center on defense last year. They probably got scored on 20 times doing this when the ball was intercepted. I wanted (but didn't...) to scream 'stop passing to the middle'. But their coach never told them to stop doing it. Fast-forward to this year, and they pass to the middle on defense and only rarely make a mistake. One can argue this outcome is tactically better than a team who can't/won't pass to the middle-- but it created a little pain to get there. 

The one good thing as a former coach you can appreciate-- your best parents as a football coach were the ones who put their faith in you to know what you were doing. Find a good soccer coach and do the same. Being a good parent helps the coach do a better job. That is good for your kid.  

Finally, try to enjoy watching your kid! It is hard for coaches to "flip the switch" from coach -> parent. But understand that this time in your life is temporary and short. Enjoy it. Your kid may be a so-so or an awesome soccer player. Let the game be theirs.


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## charlie murphy (Sep 9, 2017)

Here is a pearl. It has been touched on in bits and pieces so far throughout the thread,  but here is the answer to ALL side line etiquette. You need to occupy yourself with something, bunch of good ideas so far. all of us have read those but is one better than another? This was the strike of lightning that hit me this morning. It was way too brilliant and raw when it came to me.  I had to hold on to this for a while. But now it is too big not to share. So simple but elegant, the best solutions usually are. Can we easily check all the boxes at the same time: to be supportive, mocking, ritaculing, and  really vocal all at the same time.   If the game is too intense for your demeanor. The refs too unskilled for your expectation. The players too dirty for your tastes. Is there on shared solution? YES, here is the answer. Organize your parents one night during the practice and begin teach them chants. You can't do the drum thing so don't let that dad even state banging on the orange home depot bucket. Start with some of the G rated ones from the euro's. Build slow, learn the words, the tunes should be familiar.  if you start with your team when they are U8ers you should have one hell of a rowdy crew by U14 and by u17. If you all chant , you all can't be kick out , if you are and you're the home team take your ball. CHANTING


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## Chalklines (Sep 11, 2017)

Music did not help this weekend but standing and staying further back from the action did.

I'm sure with time things will get easier.

Thanks for all the advice.


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## younothat (Sep 11, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> Music did not help this weekend but standing and staying further back from the action did.
> 
> I'm sure with time things will get easier.
> 
> Thanks for all the advice.


You're on the right path, keep up the good work


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## sandshark (Sep 18, 2017)

STHU & keep your thoughts & opinions to yourself!


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## Mystery Train (Sep 18, 2017)

Chalklines said:


> Music did not help this weekend but standing and staying further back from the action did.
> 
> I'm sure with time things will get easier.
> 
> Thanks for all the advice.


The very fact that you're self-aware enough to recognize your own behavioral tendencies and question whether or not it is acceptable means that you are way ahead of 75% of sports parents (not just soccer).  So you will be fine, eventually.  

I am assuming your kid is in the "younger" category (below U14)...if not, my apologies.  

When it's your first go-round, it is really hard to hold the emotions in check.  My DD's first team had a family on it who had 2 kids in college playing soccer and 2 more on older club teams.  They were the coolest customers on the sideline because they'd seen it all.  Never got upset during a game, sat over to the side away from the other parents.  Didn't really socialize.  It took me a while, but I aspired to be like them.  Act like you've been there before.  Even if you haven't.


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## SplitSoccerFamMom (Sep 18, 2017)

TCD said:


> I didn't know you weren't allowed to stand on the other side. I just thought you had to remain silent (how would they know you were with the other team if you're not cheering, etc?)  Thanks for the info.  Too bad, it was always an easy way for me to remain a silent spectator.


I know who are parents and family of my kids teammates. It's also pretty clear when you don't belong there.


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## Mystery Train (Sep 19, 2017)

SplitSoccerFamMom said:


> I know who are parents and family of my kids teammates. It's also pretty clear when you don't belong there.


As parent of a GK, I've often violated this "rule" to be closer to my daughter, especially if filming her (some leagues mandate parents all on the same sideline, but segregated by the half-way line).  Whenever I do this, I always keep my mouth shut, NEVER say a word, not even to cheer a goal or save.  Most of the other parents can tell that I'm from the other team, but have never given me a hard time or commented on my presence.  Sometimes, I'll even say to the closest parent, "Hi, I'm the GK's dad, I just want to film here, and I promise I won't cause any trouble."   That always breaks the ice and things are very polite and friendly from there on.  Furthermore, if someone did give me a hard time, I'd simply go back to my team's spot without a word, because I know the rule.  Still, it it is a good way to make you keep your trap shut.  I noticed it often also has the same effect on the other team's parents, where they will be noticeably inclined to be more polite because I'm there.  The rule is there of course because it is easy to get into verbal back and forth with the other team's parents.  All it takes is for one person to yell "Foul!" and the other parent to go, "No, it wasn't," and things can get ugly quickly.  So if you don't have any self-control, definitely stay on your team's end.


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## Bananacorner (Sep 19, 2017)

Mystery Train said:


> As parent of a GK, I've often violated this "rule" to be closer to my daughter, especially if filming her (some leagues mandate parents all on the same sideline, but segregated by the half-way line).  Whenever I do this, I always keep my mouth shut, NEVER say a word, not even to cheer a goal or save.  Most of the other parents can tell that I'm from the other team, but have never given me a hard time or commented on my presence.  Sometimes, I'll even say to the closest parent, "Hi, I'm the GK's dad, I just want to film here, and I promise I won't cause any trouble."   That always breaks the ice and things are very polite and friendly from there on.  Furthermore, if someone did give me a hard time, I'd simply go back to my team's spot without a word, because I know the rule.  Still, it it is a good way to make you keep your trap shut.  I noticed it often also has the same effect on the other team's parents, where they will be noticeably inclined to be more polite because I'm there.  The rule is there of course because it is easy to get into verbal back and forth with the other team's parents.  All it takes is for one person to yell "Foul!" and the other parent to go, "No, it wasn't," and things can get ugly quickly.  So if you don't have any self-control, definitely stay on your team's end.


I must admit, when a parent had quietly edged up behind me to watch the game (I didn't turn around to see who it was, just felt his presence), and I realized from him suddenly shouting "that was a foul!" against our team that he was a parent from the other side, it took restraint to keep from standing up quickly to "accidentally" head butt him.  I think until you are 100% certain that you can control yourself, standing next to parents from the other team is a dangerous way to try and keep quiet...


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## jsmaxwell (Sep 21, 2017)

There is a lot of bad advice here. I think the forum is trolling you. Here is the proper list of behaviors to emulate:

1. During warmup, pre-game in the parking lot w/ you drink of choice.
2. Make every effort to be the loudest person on the field.
3. Pace furiously up and down the sidelines while muttering under your breath.
4. Try and intimidate the referees on every call, good or bad.
5. Shout instructions to your kid relentlessly as if your voice was a joystick controlling them.
6. Tell the other kids to pass to your kid.
7. Make sure to criticize the other team.
8. If anyone on the other sideline mouths off, take matters into your own hands. 

That should get you started fitting in on the sideline.


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## charlie murphy (Sep 21, 2017)

jsmaxwell said:


> There is a lot of bad advice here. I think the forum is trolling you. Here is the proper list of behaviors to emulate:
> 
> 1. During warmup, pre-game in the parking lot w/ you drink of choice.
> 2. Make every effort to be the loudest person on the field.
> ...


OK , sounds good. Look for me on the sideline. I will probably be at most of the games this weekend. All of you be sure to say HI to me. You can't miss me. In addition to all the great advice I will also be drinking from a  red cup.


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## LASTMAN14 (Sep 21, 2017)

charlie murphy said:


> OK , sounds good. Look for me on the sideline. I will probably be at most of the games this weekend. All of you be sure to say HI to me. You can't miss me. In addition to all the great advice I will also be drinking from a  red cup.


I highly recommend picking up some matching apparel.


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## BeachHawk (Sep 25, 2017)

TCD said:


> I'll be honest (and probably catch sh*t for it) but I struggle with being quiet on the sidelines. I blame it on my Irish/Italian heritage + high school cheerleader + former soccer player.  I should probably just take a Xanax before each game. However, to avoid drug addiction, I'll sometimes bring my camera and take photos as it helps me keep my mouth shut...most of the time. Or, I'll go and stand on the opposing team's parent sideline where I know I better keep my mouth shut. Or, I'll go and stand in the corner and mutter where no one can hear me. Wish I could say I do a better job of keeping my mouth shut...but at least I'm getting better...I think...


Are you me?? Seriously, before each game I talk to myself and at each game I fail. Unless... I do the above. Exactly the above. Too funny!


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## timbuck (Sep 25, 2017)

They really should put the parents on the same side as the team and coaches.
As a parent, I hate hearing what opposing parents say on the sidelines.  Grandparents are the WORST!!  I try to sit near midfield so that I can see more of the game.  I may start sitting in the far corner.
As a coach, I wish I could hear what the parents on my team are saying so that I can get them to keep quiet.  Or possibly even teach them something.  But being 80 yards away, I have no idea what they are saying and I don't have any control over it.  I've heard them tell me that opposing sidelines will yell at players on our team.  I have to imagine we aren't 100% innocent of this.  But no way would I allow it if I heard it.


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## Grace T. (Sep 25, 2017)

I've been good for the last 2 games, but at the last one DYS began to forget a few of the basics in the second half (he forgot to float and was starring off into space when his team was on the press, quick steal and it ripped right past him).  That's when it's hardest for me to keep quiet and not remind him to keep his head in the game.    Managing the mind set of a keeper is the hardest aspect I'm finding of having a kid in that position....team's down by 1 at the half and he's going crazy because he let three in (only 1 of which he could have really done anything about).


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## Surfref (Sep 25, 2017)

timbuck said:


> They really should put the parents on the same side as the team and coaches.
> As a parent, I hate hearing what opposing parents say on the sidelines.  Grandparents are the WORST!!  I try to sit near midfield so that I can see more of the game.  I may start sitting in the far corner.
> As a coach, I wish I could hear what the parents on my team are saying so that I can get them to keep quiet.  Or possibly even teach them something.  But being 80 yards away, I have no idea what they are saying and I don't have any control over it.  I've heard them tell me that opposing sidelines will yell at players on our team.  I have to imagine we aren't 100% innocent of this.  But no way would I allow it if I heard it.


Dad's of 8/9th Grade daughters are the worst.  These guys think they know the game and are smarter than the coach and the referee.  They are also the most likely to coach their kid if on the opposite side of the field from the coach.  When the parent coaching is occurring, at a stoppage I will talk to the coach.  It usually goes something like, "Coach would you please have your assistant coach in the red hat move to this side of the field and into the technical area.  It might also help the team since his directions are contradictory to yours."  At this point the coach usually says, "I'll take care of this.  Todd, shut up!"  Or "Stop coaching the players.  That is what you pay me for."  This usually fixes the problem since the coach has had this problem with a Todd in the past.  Good team managers will also shut the parent coaches up.


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## Bananacorner (Sep 25, 2017)

Thought I would try a little experiment this weekend after reading this thread.  Parent behind us yelling for the other team, I noticed it was upsetting a few of the parents and so decided I would say something polite.  I went over to the guy and his friend (who looked a little sheepish during the whole thing) and said very nicely that proper etiquette is to stay on the side of their own team with their own parents -- before I could get all of it out, he became belligerent, telling me there is no such thing as etiquette, yelling at me whether had ever been to a match at a stadium and this is nothing blah blah blah (volume level = 10).  I sat down and let the guy continue to embarrass himself.   Perhaps if it was one of the more reasonable parents (like many who have posted above) who was just slipping up, but instead it was a typical crazed lunatic who is hoping to get the opportunity to throw down at his DD's soccer game like he presumably does when he goes to see "matches at a stadium."  I'm convinced he was standing behind us because the parents on his side (who were calm and appropriate) kicked him out.  So if he doesn't respond to his own parents or parents from the other side, who can get someone like that to shut up?


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## Grace T. (Sep 25, 2017)

Bananacorner said:


> Thought I would try a little experiment this weekend after reading this thread.  Parent behind us yelling for the other team, I noticed it was upsetting a few of the parents and so decided I would say something polite.  I went over to the guy and his friend (who looked a little sheepish during the whole thing) and said very nicely that proper etiquette is to stay on the side of their own team with their own parents -- before I could get all of it out, he became belligerent, telling me there is no such thing as etiquette, yelling at me whether had ever been to a match at a stadium and this is nothing blah blah blah (volume level = 10).  I sat down and let the guy continue to embarrass himself.   Perhaps if it was one of the more reasonable parents (like many who have posted above) who was just slipping up, but instead it was a typical crazed lunatic who is hoping to get the opportunity to throw down at his DD's soccer game like he presumably does when he goes to see "matches at a stadium."  I'm convinced he was standing behind us because the parents on his side (who were calm and appropriate) kicked him out.  So if he doesn't respond to his own parents or parents from the other side, who can get someone like that to shut up?


You should take up a collection from the teams his kid plays against and buy him a bat costume.  Encourage the bat dad to wear the costume at games.

http://southpark.cc.com/clips/154926/bat-dad


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## Mystery Train (Sep 25, 2017)

Bananacorner said:


> Thought I would try a little experiment this weekend after reading this thread.  Parent behind us yelling for the other team, I noticed it was upsetting a few of the parents and so decided I would say something polite.  I went over to the guy and his friend (who looked a little sheepish during the whole thing) and said very nicely that proper etiquette is to stay on the side of their own team with their own parents -- before I could get all of it out, he became belligerent, telling me there is no such thing as etiquette, yelling at me whether had ever been to a match at a stadium and this is nothing blah blah blah (volume level = 10).  I sat down and let the guy continue to embarrass himself.   Perhaps if it was one of the more reasonable parents (like many who have posted above) who was just slipping up, but instead it was a typical crazed lunatic who is hoping to get the opportunity to throw down at his DD's soccer game like he presumably does when he goes to see "matches at a stadium."  I'm convinced he was standing behind us because the parents on his side (who were calm and appropriate) kicked him out.  So if he doesn't respond to his own parents or parents from the other side, who can get someone like that to shut up?


LOL, "match at a stadium."  What a chump.  Just out of curiosity, what league/age level?


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## TangoCity (Sep 25, 2017)

timbuck said:


> They really should put the parents on the same side as the team and coaches.
> As a parent, I hate hearing what opposing parents say on the sidelines.  Grandparents are the WORST!!  I try to sit near midfield so that I can see more of the game.  I may start sitting in the far corner.
> As a coach, I wish I could hear what the parents on my team are saying so that I can get them to keep quiet.  Or possibly even teach them something.  But being 80 yards away, I have no idea what they are saying and I don't have any control over it.  I've heard them tell me that opposing sidelines will yell at players on our team.  I have to imagine we aren't 100% innocent of this.  But no way would I allow it if I heard it.


Put a video camera up in the middle of your parents sideline to tape the game.  Then review it to find out your worst parent offenders.


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## Surfref (Sep 25, 2017)

Bananacorner said:


> Thought I would try a little experiment this weekend after reading this thread.  Parent behind us yelling for the other team, I noticed it was upsetting a few of the parents and so decided I would say something polite.  I went over to the guy and his friend (who looked a little sheepish during the whole thing) and said very nicely that proper etiquette is to stay on the side of their own team with their own parents -- before I could get all of it out, he became belligerent, telling me there is no such thing as etiquette, yelling at me whether had ever been to a match at a stadium and this is nothing blah blah blah (volume level = 10).  I sat down and let the guy continue to embarrass himself.   Perhaps if it was one of the more reasonable parents (like many who have posted above) who was just slipping up, but instead it was a typical crazed lunatic who is hoping to get the opportunity to throw down at his DD's soccer game like he presumably does when he goes to see "matches at a stadium."  I'm convinced he was standing behind us because the parents on his side (who were calm and appropriate) kicked him out.  So if he doesn't respond to his own parents or parents from the other side, who can get someone like that to shut up?


Your team manager should have talked to his team manager.  If that didn't defuse the situation, than the coach can get the referee involved.  I have had numerous coaches ask for assistance with spectators at youth games.  A quick announcement to all spectators that they must be on the side of the field opposite of their team usually works.  But, sometimes I have to call out the offending parent and get them to move.  My comments usually get the other parents to say something and the offending parents caves into the peer pressure.  I would never suggest parents to confront each other since there are too many unstable whack-job parents that might do something dumb.


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## Bananacorner (Sep 25, 2017)

Mystery Train said:


> LOL, "match at a stadium."  What a chump.  Just out of curiosity, what league/age level?


Surfref called it -- "Dad's of 8/9th Grade daughters are the worst."


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## lancer (Sep 25, 2017)

Bananacorner said:


> Thought I would try a little experiment this weekend after reading this thread.  Parent behind us yelling for the other team, I noticed it was upsetting a few of the parents and so decided I would say something polite.  I went over to the guy and his friend (who looked a little sheepish during the whole thing) and said very nicely that proper etiquette is to stay on the side of their own team with their own parents -- before I could get all of it out, he became belligerent, telling me there is no such thing as etiquette, yelling at me whether had ever been to a match at a stadium and this is nothing blah blah blah (volume level = 10).  I sat down and let the guy continue to embarrass himself.   Perhaps if it was one of the more reasonable parents (like many who have posted above) who was just slipping up, but instead it was a typical crazed lunatic who is hoping to get the opportunity to throw down at his DD's soccer game like he presumably does when he goes to see "matches at a stadium."  I'm convinced he was standing behind us because the parents on his side (who were calm and appropriate) kicked him out.  So if he doesn't respond to his own parents or parents from the other side, who can get someone like that to shut up?


I have been called F'n A**Hole for asking parent to sit on their side I even had a parent refuse to move and stare at me until the game was over, and yes he was the dad of a 8th/9th grader.


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## charlie murphy (Oct 8, 2017)

what is the Etiquette for spectators when both teams sit across the field . I always thought each team took half the field opposite the bench of their team. today we faced a team that the "home " team took the entire center to the top of the circle on both sides and then  to the top of the 6 on one side line. our spectator were from the top of the back of the circle to the back line. Then the ref came over to our side line and told us we needed to move to the top of the 18. We asked if we could get the opposing team to move to their side of the field and were told by the ref "It is first come first served". ( but we have to sit double stacked between the 18 and back to the circle) Never had this explanation before. I would call this "etiquette" *classless* for the home team side. I thought the ref did have some control over the positioning of the spectators and if doesn't who does?


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## gkrent (Oct 8, 2017)

Just the title of this thread made me LOL


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## wildcat66 (Oct 8, 2017)

Will youth soccer ever have fans besides the parents?  I get at the younger ages but other sports (football, basketball, some baseball) have a fan following.


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## Zdrone (Oct 8, 2017)

wildcat66 said:


> Will youth soccer ever have fans besides the parents?  I get at the younger ages but other sports (football, basketball, some baseball) have a fan following.


I don’t typically see fans at club baseball and football.  Parents, relatives and friends.

High school is different for all sports.  Soccer pulls less but I’ve been to a few games and see the stands crowded


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## espola (Oct 9, 2017)

Zdrone said:


> I don’t typically see fans at club baseball and football.  Parents, relatives and friends.
> 
> High school is different for all sports.  Soccer pulls less but I’ve been to a few games and see the stands crowded


Football and basketball get big enough crowds in high school that they can charge admission and cover expenses.  At soccer games, you get parents and friends, even in playoff games.


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## Mystery Train (Oct 9, 2017)

charlie murphy said:


> what is the Etiquette for spectators when both teams sit across the field . I always thought each team took half the field opposite the bench of their team. today we faced a team that the "home " team took the entire center to the top of the circle on both sides and then  to the top of the 6 on one side line. our spectator were from the top of the back of the circle to the back line. Then the ref came over to our side line and told us we needed to move to the top of the 18. We asked if we could get the opposing team to move to their side of the field and were told by the ref "It is first come first served". ( but we have to sit double stacked between the 18 and back to the circle) Never had this explanation before. I would call this "etiquette" *classless* for the home team side. I thought the ref did have some control over the positioning of the spectators and if doesn't who does?


What league?  I'm pretty sure most leagues have individual rules on this.  SCDSL says parents on the end across from their team bench, divided by the halfway line.   I've never heard a ref say "first come first served" and yes, the ref is supposed to know the rule and enforce it as necessary.


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## charlie murphy (Oct 10, 2017)

Mystery Train said:


> What league?  I'm pretty sure most leagues have individual rules on this.  SCDSL says parents on the end across from their team bench, divided by the halfway line.   I've never heard a ref say "first come first served" and yes, the ref is supposed to know the rule and enforce it as necessary.


CSL Premier, the ref are suppose to know a lot of rules. never better said.


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## Toch (Oct 10, 2017)

charlie murphy said:


> CSL Premier, the ref are suppose to know a lot of rules. never better said.


The Refs will never ever know the rules better than the coaches or the fans.


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## Not_that_Serious (Oct 10, 2017)

Toch said:


> The Refs will never ever know the rules better than the coaches or the fans.


nope. then you get the "im a AYSO ref" parent. You also get the "i played pro in my country" grandparent/parent. You also get the ref who forgets sub rules from one half to another and says "i never did that the first half". some parents need some sedatives before they go watch their kids play. also a free country, sit where you want, just dont be an ahole.


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## Grace T. (Oct 10, 2017)

Not_that_Serious said:


> nope. then you get the "im a AYSO ref" parent. You also get the "i played pro in my country" grandparent/parent. You also get the ref who forgets sub rules from one half to another and says "i never did that the first half". some parents need some sedatives before they go watch their kids play. also a free country, sit where you want, just dont be an ahole.


Think you are being a little unfair to AYSO refs here.  AYSO's ref training (like their coach training) is actually, IMO, one of the things they do better than CalSouth.  For my 8, at CalSouth it's just 4 hours of field training and an online module.  My AYSO U8s was more rigorous than that, let alone the Regional License which goes all day.  Where AYSO and CalSouth differ is that CalSouth is able to draw more experienced people because of the $ and because an AYSO ref might be intimidated by the intensity of the competition, particularly when they are just starting out.


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## Surfref (Oct 10, 2017)

charlie murphy said:


> what is the Etiquette for spectators when both teams sit across the field . I always thought each team took half the field opposite the bench of their team. today we faced a team that the "home " team took the entire center to the top of the circle on both sides and then  to the top of the 6 on one side line. our spectator were from the top of the back of the circle to the back line. Then the ref came over to our side line and told us we needed to move to the top of the 18. We asked if we could get the opposing team to move to their side of the field and were told by the ref "It is first come first served". ( but we have to sit double stacked between the 18 and back to the circle) Never had this explanation before. I would call this "etiquette" *classless* for the home team side. I thought the ref did have some control over the positioning of the spectators and if doesn't who does?


BS move by the other team’s spectators and the ref.


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## Surfref (Oct 10, 2017)

espola said:


> Football and basketball get big enough crowds in high school that they can charge admission and cover expenses.  At soccer games, you get parents and friends, even in playoff games.


Caesar Chavez HS in Logan Heights (San Diego) regularly has 200-300+ spectators at their games.  Almost all of the student body and people from the surrounding neighborhood come out for the games especially on Friday nights. Crappy field, but great energy from the spectators since most grew up playing soccer.  The sideline energy spills onto the field and energizes the players.  Really fun to referee their games.


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## outside! (Oct 10, 2017)

Surfref said:


> Caesar Chavez HS in Logan Heights (San Diego) regularly has 200-300+ spectators at their games.  Almost all of the student body and people from the surrounding neighborhood come out for the games especially on Friday nights. Crappy field, but great energy from the spectators since most grew up playing soccer.  The sideline energy spills onto the field and energizes the players.  Really fun to referee their games.


This is the future for soccer in the USA. Girls don't play football, but they do grow up to have children that they drive to practice. Guess which sport female soccer players sign their kids up for? Due to football ignoring half the population (actually it treats them merely lowly paid eye candy) and the concussion issue, American football will decline in popularity in the USA and soccer will become the most popular sport. It is already happening. Next time you are at the mall, pay attention to how many kids are wearing soccer jerseys of some kind.


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## Surfref (Oct 10, 2017)

outside! said:


> This is the future for soccer in the USA. Girls don't play football, but they do grow up to have children that they drive to practice. Guess which sport female soccer players sign their kids up for? Due to football ignoring half the population (actually it treats them merely lowly paid eye candy) and the concussion issue, American football will decline in popularity in the USA and soccer will become the most popular sport. It is already happening. Next time you are at the mall, pay attention to how many kids are wearing soccer jerseys of some kind.


What’s a mall?  I buy almost everything including groceries on Amazon.


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## jsmaxwell (Oct 10, 2017)

Surfref said:


> What’s a mall?  I buy almost everything including groceries on Amazon.


Its obscure anachronism that still exists in some places.  Evidently these "malls of yesteryear" are full of esoteric soccer fans.


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