# Parents from certain teams



## 46n2 (May 29, 2018)

Wow....
After this weekend , I was disgusted at how some parents act.
IS THIS REAL LIFE?


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## nosubs (May 29, 2018)

46n2 said:


> Wow....
> After this weekend , I was disgusted at how some parents act.
> IS THIS REAL LIFE?


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## Surfref (May 29, 2018)

46n2 said:


> Wow....
> After this weekend , I was disgusted at how some parents act.
> IS THIS REAL LIFE?


What tournament?


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## Fact (May 29, 2018)

46n2 said:


> Wow....
> After this weekend , I was disgusted at how some parents act.
> IS THIS REAL LIFE?


Have you been living under a rock?
But yes it is very sad.


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## timbuck (May 29, 2018)

It really is out of control.  
Parents say things among themselves that they think nobody else can hear.
Parents yell stuff at their own kid and their kid yells back "Mom.  Shut up."
Parents that have no clue on the laws of the game chirping stuff at referees.
However -  the worst are Grand Parents.  Wow.


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## LASTMAN14 (May 29, 2018)

46n2 said:


> Wow....
> After this weekend , I was disgusted at how some parents act.
> IS THIS REAL LIFE?


This is why I go to an area away from the sidelines. Often behind the net when its allowed or possible. Or off in the corner. I have even from time to time put my wireless earbuds in and listen to music.


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## 46n2 (May 29, 2018)

Not under a rock forsure , but after this weekend, wowza!!  Im just laughing to myself about these people!!
I wont say what tournament, doesnt make a difference .  I dont blast people or teams (as much as I want too) I just like to bring up topics.
Ive been in this game for a long long time.......
I will say the guy was wearing a Gilligan style hat, didnt have the clue about the game, probably drives a expensive electric car and probably from deep south OC / San Diego area...


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## LASTMAN14 (May 29, 2018)

timbuck said:


> It really is out of control.
> Parents say things among themselves that they think nobody else can hear.
> Parents yell stuff at their own kid and their kid yells back "Mom.  Shut up."
> Parents that have no clue on the laws of the game chirping stuff at referees.
> However -  the worst are Grand Parents.  Wow.


A couple of years ago a grandparent and an uncle decided to sit on our side of the field at a fall showcase game. In most cases individuals who do are polite and quiet in my experience. This individual was a heckler and was cheering for his granddaughter continuously through the first half. We politely asked the ref if he could ask this person to move. When the ref asked they refused. We then politely asked the pair to move to their side. Again refusing with some words not necessary to share.  Needless to say they were jerks and this turned south fast. It was then the ref crew stepped in and removed the pair.


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## forsomuch (May 29, 2018)

There is some hope, in my experience the older the kids get the mellower the parents get. There will always be a few but but at u17-19 the number of crazies gets substantially less, especially for league games and non-consequential tournaments in May.

A few years ago at one of my older boy's last tournaments I walked around to see some u-littles play and while the soccer was fun to watch I was horrified at the sidelines. Had totally forgotten what u10 sidelines were like. Little tiny field packed from end to end with parents, grand parents, siblings and everyone yelling at the players and referees.


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## timbuck (May 29, 2018)

I think we need to sit parents on the same side as their teams.  Coaches can’t control the insanity from across the field with both teams being next to each other.  
And it also separates the crazy parents from each other.


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## mirage (May 29, 2018)

Thankfully by the time they are attending U16 games, parents have mellowed and are less "colorful" to say the least.

The natural selection has taken place as well as the realization that their kid simply is not the prodigy that they thought they had.....


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## 46n2 (May 29, 2018)

I believe is we sat them about 25 ft away, that would work too.


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## forsomuch (May 29, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I think we need to sit parents on the same side as their teams.  Coaches can’t control the insanity from across the field with both teams being next to each other.
> And it also separates the crazy parents from each other.


I think at u12 and below this should be the case. However most coaches don't want to control the insanity and having parents on the other side of the field makes it easier to abdicate the responsibility.


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## Messi>CR7 (May 29, 2018)

46n2 said:


> Wow....
> After this weekend , I was disgusted at how some parents act.
> IS THIS REAL LIFE?


Funny how you started this thread.  Over the weekend I saw after a goal scored a parent running down the entire length of the side line high-fiving everyone................wearing a Justin Timberlake shirt.  Can't make this stuff up!


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## younothat (May 29, 2018)

Finding a balance is something to aim for......

After big tournament weekends...the I hate this or that..... threads tend to pop up

Spending 3 days at a youth soccer tournament is really not "fun" for most adults so balancing that with activities (Surfing, Biking, visiting friends, socializing, drinking, etc) that you enjoy has been key for us.

Going to a new restaurant, pub or place to relax,  seeing a concert, movie or something along those lines help.    Taking a day off or attending part of a 3 day is something else that can  help adults, they catch that "soccer watching burnout fever" and stay things uncalled for.

What that said IMO the whole tournament scene is unhealthy for the kids in reality, too many games in too short of time frames.  All in the name of $ and profits I guess but has to be a better way. 

When your on  the 5,6th game of the 3 day your kid can look like a zombie trust me on this one,  fun to win, get the big cup, metals, champions shirts, but as your walking out still question if it was worth all the time and $


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## Nefutous (May 29, 2018)

LASTMAN14 said:


> A couple of years ago a grandparent and an uncle decided to sit on our side of the field at a fall showcase game. In most cases individuals who do are polite and quiet in my experience. This individual was a heckler and was cheering for his granddaughter continuously through the first half. We politely asked the ref if he could ask this person to move. When the ref asked they refused. We then politely asked the pair to move to their side. Again refusing with some words not necessary to share.  Needless to say they were jerks and this turned south fast. It was then the ref crew stepped in and removed the pair.


My favorite is when they say “it is a free country and I can sit where I want.”

Btw something happened at the Polo Fields this weekend with 3 police cars blocking one of the field exits. It might be what 46n2 is talking about as I heard some rumblings that I can’t confirm.  I hope everything turned out to be ok.


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## 46n2 (May 29, 2018)

younothat said:


> Finding a balance is something to aim for......
> 
> After big tournament weekends...the I hate this or that..... threads tend to pop up
> 
> ...


I agree, I LOVE SOCCER, from my country thats all we play, along with bball and waterpolo.  its a passion ...
I love tournaments too but my older plays one a day, where my younger plays two a day , two to three days in a row.
I have to agree, after a certain age when kids start to put things together in their head and on the fields, start playing with skill, its tough to deal with fatigue, let along some parent yelling at you because you "body too hard against their lil jimmy/susy"
Or better yet, the gilligan hat guy , total double standard with his train of thought.
FYI I was all over the place this weekend, didnt see anything where cops were involved,hope everyone was safe.
*On another topic, I watched a u9 game that was so much fun, and competitive (believe it or not) , parents were well behave'd and thats what soccer is about ....*
I think the really tough years are U12- U13, that's the year where parents really get a chip on their shoulder.


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## timbuck (May 29, 2018)

I think that most parents go into games with good intentions.
But then their kid gets roughed up a bit and it all goes to hell.
Or they overhear a parent from another team say something slightly disparaging about a kid.
"Push her BACK!!!!!."  "Don't let her push you."   "Honey, dont you dare push my kid again"  (I've heard all of these several times this Spring -  Girls u14 games).

Overheard this weekend by 3 dads who wanted to show off their football throwing skills for everyone during halftime:
 "I heard this team we are playing brought players from their higher team for this game."  (Reality was it was a holiday weekend and guests were invited because a few kids weren't planning to be back in time.  They wound up showing up and we had more on our bench than we had planned).  Didn't matter -we lost anyway.
"Geez.  That's so weak.  Too bad we are going to crush them anyway."  (then he repeated it at least 3 times to make sure that everyone could hear him).
Took a lot for me to keep quiet, because even the slightest response would have wound up being an issue.
The simplest thing that I thought to say was "We?  You guys should probably stick to throwing the football around and let the 11 year old girls play the game."


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## 46n2 (May 29, 2018)

I believe Dads are worst at DD games , and Moms are worst at BB games......
My partner , sits at the very end of the field away from the action, never says anything .
I hear other parents telling their kids to tackle or take out other kids, then you hear that parent complain about their DD/BB getting bodied, Karma?
Soccer is a very physical , demanding sport, when a smart player is on the field and can play with both skill and brawn, its a beautiful thing.
I was very impressed with a few kids this weekend that played composed, physically demanding soccer, both girls and boys around the 10-12 age!


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## eastcountysoccer (May 29, 2018)

Multiple fights at Silverlakes during Legends tournament. Grown men fighting at a soccer tournament. And its not surprising....


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## etc1217 (May 29, 2018)

The sideline comments do tend to ease up in the older brackets.  But I got to mention, I was surprised at one tournament last season that my DD (U17) played, one of the team she played against,  every time this team scored, the parents (mostly moms) literally did a high school cheer with hand claps and all and you could hear one of the moms do a countdown so it was in unison.  All I can do was SMH. 

I don't care that you cheer  for your team for a goal well deserved but to actually have a rehearsed cheer that the parents recite is so ridiculous.  I just wonder do they approach new parents and tell/email them what to do...


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## timbuck (May 29, 2018)

eastcountysoccer said:


> Multiple fights at Silverlakes during Legends tournament. Grown men fighting at a soccer tournament. And its not surprising....


Because of the beer garden?


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## eastcountysoccer (May 29, 2018)

timbuck said:


> Because of the beer garden?


Maybe.


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## LASTMAN14 (May 29, 2018)

Quote of the weekend. From a losing parent.

"They were not very good. All they could do is pass."


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## Dummy (May 29, 2018)

timbuck said:


> Because of the beer garden?


It was a really bad environment at the Legends Classic two weekends ago.  Way too many games squeezed into the field space because they divided the full size fields for U-littles.  Twice as many parents plus some grandparents so more than twice as many cars.  The wait to get in was so long that parents were sending young players to walk in from Hamner because cars were gridlocked on the street not even close to the entrance.  Sidelines were even more congested because field space was allotted to money making inflatable games.  I heard that the concessions ran out of food.  Alcohol may not have helped, but the tournament created an unpleasant crowd environment that often encourages less than kind social interactions.  If this kind of set up is the new normal for SilverLakes, it is going to be a tournament location that worth avoiding.


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## eastcountysoccer (May 29, 2018)

Dummy said:


> It was a really bad environment at the Legends Classic two weekends ago.  Way too many games squeezed into the field space because they divided the full size fields for U-littles.  Twice as many parents plus some grandparents so more than twice as many cars.  The wait to get in was so long that parents were sending young players to walk in from Hamner because cars were gridlocked on the street not even close to the entrance.  Sidelines were even more congested because field space was allotted to money making inflatable games.  I heard that the concessions ran out of food.  Alcohol may not have helped, but the tournament created an unpleasant crowd environment that often encourages less than kind social interactions.  If this kind of set up is the new normal for SilverLakes, it is going to be a tournament location that worth avoiding.


I dont disagree. Waited 45 minutes for lunch. And they should have atleast a few police officers on site.


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## 46n2 (May 29, 2018)

I believe anywhere theres a gathering of people say 500 or more (I dont know the magic #) , security detail should be present.  Worst case scernario , they can located stolen balls


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## Surfref (May 29, 2018)

Nefutous said:


> My favorite is when they say “it is a free country and I can sit where I want.”
> 
> Btw something happened at the Polo Fields this weekend with 3 police cars blocking one of the field exits. It might be what 46n2 is talking about as I heard some rumblings that I can’t confirm.  I hope everything turned out to be ok.


There was a fight between parents on one of the 9v9 sidelines at the Polo fields.

I heard the U-littles parents chanting "TFA, TFA, TFA" one too many times this past weekend.  Not to mention all of the crazy stuff yelled at me and the other referees this past weekend.  The dumbest was the dad who yelled at me that the keeper had committed a 3-second violation.  It took every bit of self-control not to bust out laughing.


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## Surfref (May 29, 2018)

eastcountysoccer said:


> Multiple fights at Silverlakes during Legends tournament. Grown men fighting at a soccer tournament. And its not surprising....


Of course there are multiple fights at Silverlakes, they serve alcohol at the facility.  Some people just cannot control their alcohol consumption and are nasty drunks.


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## Eagle33 (May 29, 2018)

Surfref said:


> Of course there are multiple fights at Silverlakes, they serve alcohol at the facility.  Some people just cannot control their alcohol consumption and are nasty drunks.


Serving alcohol at any youth sporting events is pretty dumb idea. It's just makes it more clear that is about making money first.


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## Surf Zombie (May 29, 2018)

My 2007 DD played in a big east coast Memorial Day tournament this past weekend.  About 1000 teams total.  They played up in the top flight of the 2006 division. This did not sit well, at all, with the parents of the 2006 teams we were playing.  The comments directed towards our side started before the games even kicked off. The games were all competitive, so that led to the 2006 parents screaming at their own kids the whole game and one of their coaches yelling that he was “cutting kids from the team” if they lost. It was a mess.


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## Surfref (May 29, 2018)

Surf Zombie said:


> My 2007 DD played in a big east coast Memorial Day tournament this past weekend.  About 1000 teams total.  They played up in the top flight of the 2006 division. This did not sit well, at all, with the parents of the 2006 teams we were playing.  The comments directed towards our side started before the games even kicked off. The games were all competitive, so that led to the 2006 parents screaming at their own kids the whole game and one of their coaches yelling that he was “cutting kids from the team” if they lost. It was a mess.


I hope the younger team whooped some ass.


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## focomoso (May 29, 2018)

mirage said:


> Thankfully by the time they are attending U16 games, parents have mellowed and are less "colorful" to say the least.
> 
> The natural selection has taken place as well as the realization that their kid simply is not the prodigy that they thought they had.....


This is my theory too. And if their kid really is all that, the parents don't need to shout. Also, by the time they get older, many of the kids of the really obnoxious parents have lost the love of the game and quit.


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## Chalklines (May 29, 2018)

All kids play better if their parents keep quiet


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## Surf Zombie (May 29, 2018)

Surfref said:


> I hope the younger team whooped some ass.


They held their own. 3-3, 4-2, 1-2.  Needed a win or tie to advance in the third game and conceded a goal in the last minute. Took the loss and didn’t get out of the bracket.  Good experience for them.


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## Multi Sport (May 29, 2018)

Eagle33 said:


> Serving alcohol at any youth sporting events is pretty dumb idea. It's just makes it more clear that is about making money first.


Yea. Then they drive their kids home. Real smart...


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## timbuck (May 29, 2018)

I’m sure the east coasters had some choice words about people from California.


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## Overlap (May 29, 2018)

forsomuch said:


> There is some hope, in my experience the older the kids get the mellower the parents get. There will always be a few but but at u17-19 the number of crazies gets substantially less, especially for league games and non-consequential tournaments in May.
> 
> A few years ago at one of my older boy's last tournaments I walked around to see some u-littles play and while the soccer was fun to watch I was horrified at the sidelines. Had totally forgotten what u10 sidelines were like. Little tiny field packed from end to end with parents, grand parents, siblings and everyone yelling at the players and referees.


when my oldest was still playing (G98), there was a group of us dads (6-7 of us) that always stood at the end by ourselves, the ref's used to panic when they saw us, our girls used to say how much they loved it when we were cheering them on and when we'd make them laugh during the game. We had one dad that was so funny, everything was a _CORNER!!!_, even when is wasn't even close...we used to have ref's start laughing when one of us did it in his honor when his DD stopped playing, fun times but, totally get this thread, and thank goodness it's usually the younger ages when you have a parent(s) that think they know the game and really don't know much about the game or how badly they're embarrassing their kid. And yes, it does get much better at the last 2 ages...


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## 46n2 (May 29, 2018)

kids know when they mess up, no need to have their parent , let alone some one elses parent scold them....


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## BarcaLover (May 29, 2018)

Surfref said:


> The dumbest was the dad who yelled at me that the keeper had committed a 3-second violation.  It took every bit of self-control not to bust out laughing.


Was the keeper in the paint too long????


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## InTheValley (May 29, 2018)

Why is @David Parsio steering clear of this thread?


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## mkg68 (May 29, 2018)

eastcountysoccer said:


> Multiple fights at Silverlakes during Legends tournament. Grown men fighting at a soccer tournament. And its not surprising....


I witnessed one first hand. Luckily there were a bunch of parents to pull them apart but it very much looked like they were both drunk.


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## pewpew (May 29, 2018)

I love listening to the couple where one has no clue about the game and the other has played from Ulittle all the way thru college. 
Example:
He:They're offsideS!! (Note S)
She:Honey it's a throw-in..there is no offside. 
Or
She:Handball!! Handball!!
He:Babe..the ball hit off the defender's shoulder and he/she clearly had his arms crossed behind him/her to avoid a handball call. 

We recently has a scrimmage. Parent from the other team kept talking smack to the CR. Finally the ref sent him off after he'd heard enough. Except the dad refused to leave. Ref called in the ARs. 15sec round table and blew the whistle calling the game. We still had about 25mins left to play in the second half. 

Parents/adults ruin youth sports. Rarely is it a youth competitor. But if it is it's usually due to a learned behavior. 

My .02


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## JoeBieber (May 29, 2018)

pewpew said:


> I love listening to the couple where one has no clue about the game and the other has played from Ulittle all the way thru college.
> Example:
> He:They're offsideS!! (Note S)
> She:Honey it's a throw-in..there is no offside.
> ...


Agree. It's infuriating to watch grown parents yell abuse at a 14 year old sideline ref. Hey, you know why we don't have quality refs? Because people don't like to be screamed at while they are doing their best. Terrible.


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## Hired Gun (May 29, 2018)

Dummy said:


> It was a really bad environment at the Legends Classic two weekends ago.  Way too many games squeezed into the field space because they divided the full size fields for U-littles.  Twice as many parents plus some grandparents so more than twice as many cars.  The wait to get in was so long that parents were sending young players to walk in from Hamner because cars were gridlocked on the street not even close to the entrance.  Sidelines were even more congested because field space was allotted to money making inflatable games.  I heard that the concessions ran out of food.  Alcohol may not have helped, but the tournament created an unpleasant crowd environment that often encourages less than kind social interactions.  If this kind of set up is the new normal for SilverLakes, it is going to be a tournament location that worth avoiding.


Alcohol should not be served at youth tournaments - majority can handle the alcohol but the 5% rule comes into play that ruins it for everyone...


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## Keepermom2 (May 30, 2018)

Surfref said:


> There was a fight between parents on one of the 9v9 sidelines at the Polo fields.
> 
> I heard the U-littles parents chanting "TFA, TFA, TFA" one too many times this past weekend.  Not to mention all of the crazy stuff yelled at me and the other referees this past weekend.  The dumbest was the dad who yelled at me that the keeper had committed a 3-second violation.  It took every bit of self-control not to bust out laughing.


This is where I have to commend you...how you don't just turn and tell them loudly to "Shut up you have no idea what your talking about" is beyond me.


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## Slammerdad (May 30, 2018)

Silverlakes + now selling alcohol + crazy youth sports soccer parents= Police called


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## Fact (May 30, 2018)

Hired Gun said:


> Alcohol should not be served at youth tournaments - majority can handle the alcohol but the 5% rule comes into play that ruins it for everyone...


I disagree.  The parents that get in fights at games are the same ones that are yelling at and badmouthing players during games when they are sober.  Give them alcohol, weed them out early and ban them from calsouth so we can give the game back to the kids.


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## AuH2O (May 30, 2018)

Either PBS does a documentary or a reality show is in the works.  I would watch.


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## Calisoccer11 (May 30, 2018)

This past weekend, after a heated game (in which my kid's team lost), my kid was on the ground stretching/rolling out.  Most families/players had already dispersed.  Two boys from the opposing team walk by my kid and give him a high five/hand shake and tell him "Good game".  Every now and then, I see this happening and it makes up for all the other bullsh*%!   The kids are alright...most parents suck.


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## Fact (May 30, 2018)

Calisoccer11 said:


> Every now and then, I see this happening and it makes up for all the other bullsh*%!   The kids are alright...most parents suck.


Most parents don’t suck. It is just that the few bully parents are so vocal. You must have Ulittles because the bully parents are generally the ones have kids throwing F bombs on the field.

But thanks for sharing. It is great to see kids like this. They are the ones that will have a happy life.


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## CaliKlines (May 30, 2018)

Slammerdad said:


> Silverlakes + now selling alcohol + crazy youth sports soccer parents= Police called


Silverlakes+watching my kid play soccer+a couple of beers on a sunny afternoon=an awesome afternoon


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## Fact (May 30, 2018)

CaliKlines said:


> Silverlakes+watching my kid play soccer+a couple of beers on a sunny afternoon=an awesome afternoon


And don’t forget the ring side free seats for the fights


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## Justafan (May 30, 2018)

Surf Zombie said:


> My 2007 DD played in a big east coast Memorial Day tournament this past weekend.  About 1000 teams total.  They played up in the top flight of the 2006 division. This did not sit well, at all, with the parents of the 2006 teams we were playing.  The comments directed towards our side started before the games even kicked off. The games were all competitive, so that led to the 2006 parents screaming at their own kids the whole game and one of their coaches yelling that he was “cutting kids from the team” if they lost. It was a mess.


I’ve seen this also go the other way.  Young team plays up, gets beat up physically, and parents start complaining thinking every play is a foul.  

Younger team plays up because they are good, used to winning a lot, and used to being the ones dishing it out, so coach and parents have to take the blame on that one.


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## Justafan (May 30, 2018)

Probably my favorite has to be the parents of the elite team that’s in a dog fight with an “inferior” team.  They are so nice and complimentary when they are in control of the match, but when things get tight against a team where it’s not supposed to be tight, the fangs come out.


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## soccer dude (May 30, 2018)

Come on folks.  Alcohol isn't the issue.  Idiot parents are the issue.  I like the idea of chilling out with a beer in between games, especially in the hot silver lakes temps.  As a referee the biggest issue is that most parents don't know the laws of the game and are constantly yelling at the refs for what I thought were good calls.  Even my own wife and team do it and I'm constantly correcting them;  my wife not so much  I think you should only complain to the ref if you know something about ref'ing.  At one of my games, I even heard grand parents talking to the other players on the team about bad sportsmanship and the ref looked at me since I was sitting next to them.  I told the ref it wasn't me and he yelled at the grand parents.  There is no need for that.  Never, ever talk to the other team players.  That's one way to start a brawl on the side lines.


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## InTheValley (May 30, 2018)

soccer dude said:


> Come on folks.  Alcohol isn't the issue.  Idiot parents are the issue.  I like the idea of chilling out with a beer in between games, especially in the hot silver lakes temps.  As a referee the biggest issue is that most parents don't know the laws of the game and are constantly yelling at the refs for what I thought were good calls.  Even my own wife and team do it and I'm constantly correcting them;  my wife not so much  I think you should only complain to the ref if you know something about ref'ing.  At one of my games, I even heard grand parents talking to the other players on the team about bad sportsmanship and the ref looked at me since I was sitting next to them.  I told the ref it wasn't me and he yelled at the grand parents.  There is no need for that.  Never, ever talk to the other team players.  That's one way to start a brawl on the side lines.


Everyone who thinks they know something about reffing should definitely have a few beers between games and then jump on the refs’ case when they blow calls.  I don’t see how that sage advice could possibly go wrong.


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## outside! (May 30, 2018)

soccer dude said:


> Never, ever talk to the other team players.  That's one way to start a brawl on the side lines.


 I have never caused a brawl by complimenting quality play by the other team.


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## Sparky9 (May 30, 2018)

Mrs Sparky9 has been playing the ukelele during games the last few months and i would say our sideline has been very chill.


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## Fact (May 30, 2018)

Sparky9 said:


> Mrs Sparky9 has been playing the ukelele during games the last few months and i would say our sideline has been very chill.


Don't make me cringe. Next time tell her to bake some "special" brownies instead. 

BTW aren't you the one that had the dd that tore her ACL? If so, glad to hear she is back.


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## zebrafish (Jun 2, 2018)

Horror story from today.

Dad #1 and Dad #2 yelling at each other, multiple F-bombs back and forth and much posturing. The two idiot fathers have to be separated by their respective adolescent daughters. AYFKM?!!??!


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## RedCard (Jun 3, 2018)

AuH2O said:


> Either PBS does a documentary or a reality show is in the works.  I would watch.


Real Soccer Parents of Silverlakes....... Love it !!!! I'm pitching this to E! tomorrow morning....lol


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## Lambchop (Jun 3, 2018)

zebrafish said:


> Horror story from today.
> 
> Dad #1 and Dad #2 yelling at each other, multiple F-bombs back and forth and much posturing. The two idiot fathers have to be separated by their respective adolescent daughters. AYFKM?!!??!


And it continues into the pro teams!  If you ever have a chance to travel out of the country, go watch some professional games!  You think our youth parents/spectators are ridiculous, just watch and listen to the "adults" at these games, especially if you speak the language!


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## timbuck (Jun 3, 2018)

Lambchop said:


> And it continues into the pro teams!  If you ever have a chance to travel out of the country, go watch some professional games!  You think our youth parents/spectators are ridiculous, just watch and listen to the "adults" at these games, especially if you speak the language!


Nah. Just got to an NFL game in the US.


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## JJP (Jun 4, 2018)

I say just grab some popcorn and enjoy the show!  Here are a few of my lines when some parents are coming after me for my kids physical play.

“Don’t blame me he picked it up from his mother’s side of the family.”

“Listen lady, if the ref didn’t see it he didn’t do it.  Don’t blame me, I’m not wearing a ref’s uniform.”

These lines are battle tested and they work great!


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## Bananacorner (Jun 4, 2018)

LASTMAN14 said:


> A couple of years ago a grandparent and an uncle decided to sit on our side of the field at a fall showcase game. In most cases individuals who do are polite and quiet in my experience. This individual was a heckler and was cheering for his granddaughter continuously through the first half. We politely asked the ref if he could ask this person to move. When the ref asked they refused. We then politely asked the pair to move to their side. Again refusing with some words not necessary to share.  Needless to say they were jerks and this turned south fast. It was then the ref crew stepped in and removed the pair.


Saw something very similar happen 2 weekends ago.  Parents from other team sitting on wrong side started bad-mouthing players from our team.  They were verbally abusing one in particular, who is a extremely talented and aggressive player, and the nearby-sitting Mom had enough at one point and yelled to them that her DD wasn't fouling she was just dribbling the ball.   That started a series of back-and-forth shouting which finally died down.  At which point a different Mom from our team quietly suggested that if they wanted to bad-mouth the 12 and 13-year old girls on our team, they should probably go sit on their own side.  One of the other team (male) parents took extreme offense at being asked to move, and got up into the Mom's face in a very threatening manner, shouting and gesturing violently.  Then a older brother from our team stood up to defend this Mom (not his own), and some near-shoving and people jumping in-between.  Ugly, just plain ugly... It was interesting to me that nothing shouted upset this hothead parent until it was suggested in a calm, quiet voice they sit elsewhere, and then he blew a gasket and was foaming at the mouth.

It still blows my mind how many parents sit on the wrong side and then start in on heckling and bashing the children.  And yes, we did win, and as you might expect, every goal we scored resulted in more and louder celebrating from our side than was usual.  And still they sat there, looking like they were chewing on lemons.


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## jose (Jun 4, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I think that most parents go into games with good intentions.
> But then their kid gets roughed up a bit and it all goes to hell.
> Or they overhear a parent from another team say something slightly disparaging about a kid.
> "Push her BACK!!!!!."  "Don't let her push you."   "Honey, dont you dare push my kid again"  (I've heard all of these several times this Spring -  Girls u14 games).
> ...


Sounds like someone we all know. (one on every team)


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## timbuck (Jun 4, 2018)

I’ve instructed my players that if they hear a parent heckling them or talking smack about them to respond with the following:

1.  Point at the parent and yell “Stranger danger” repeatedly.
2. Look at the parent and say “I’m only 13. Can you please not talk bad about me?”
3. “Lady you out weigh me by at least 200 pounds.  Are you trying to start a fight with a 7th grader.”
4.  Ask the ref to talk to the parents. 

Sadly- none of the above ever happens.  They just come over after the game and tell me about all of the terrible things they hear.


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## Surf Zombie (Jun 4, 2018)

Bananacorner said:


> Saw something very similar happen 2 weekends ago.  Parents from other team sitting on wrong side started bad-mouthing players from our team.  They were verbally abusing one in particular, who is a extremely talented and aggressive player, and the nearby-sitting Mom had enough at one point and yelled to them that her DD wasn't fouling she was just dribbling the ball.   That started a series of back-and-forth shouting which finally died down.  At which point a different Mom from our team quietly suggested that if they wanted to bad-mouth the 12 and 13-year old girls on our team, they should probably go sit on their own side.  One of the other team (male) parents took extreme offense at being asked to move, and got up into the Mom's face in a very threatening manner, shouting and gesturing violently.  Then a older brother from our team stood up to defend this Mom (not his own), and some near-shoving and people jumping in-between.  Ugly, just plain ugly... It was interesting to me that nothing shouted upset this hothead parent until it was suggested in a calm, quiet voice they sit elsewhere, and then he blew a gasket and was foaming at the mouth.
> 
> It still blows my mind how many parents sit on the wrong side and then start in on heckling and bashing the children.  And yes, we did win, and as you might expect, every goal we scored resulted in more and louder celebrating from our side than was usual.  And still they sat there, looking like they were chewing on lemons.



My 2007 DD had state cup playoffs yesterday.  Semi-final game, up 2-1. Lot of squaking by both sets of parents

Ref gave a yellow card to a girl on the other team for repeatedly throwing her elbow. Parents went ballistic. Ref stopped the game, walked over and told them next person who says anything he was going to call the game.  Mother of the girl who got carded banished her husband to the parking lot. Guy stood on a boulder on the other side of the fence so he could see the game and every time one of our girls did something he screamed at the top of his lungs “Why isn’t that a yellow card?!”  Complete clown.  Must have been a fun car ride home.


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## 46n2 (Jun 4, 2018)

its just ignorant to sit on the opposing team side, theres a certain team we always tend to have issues with in our age bracket.  Theres a dad that I believe purposely does it just to be jerk.  The last game he got sent packing and the team lost!  Their blind to their own but opposing team players are always at fault.


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## SoccerFan4Life (Jun 5, 2018)

If I ever end up getting in a fight, it will be with someone that talks smack to the kids.  We all see them but nobody  from their own team does a thing to shut them up.   Everyone just accepts that he/she is just likes to act that way.

The best story that I've seen was from a CR that kept on hearing the moms yell for every foul and bad call.  The CR got tired and yelled at them " ladies have you listened to how much  you all shout! Please be quiet so the kids can focus".

The worst is watching moms from a rec team yell at our kids "you can beat them, they are a bunch of pxxxy's" on Mother's day.  I confronted the coach after the game and he ignored me because I couldn't tell him which mom said this, then our kids came over and all pointed at the mom.  The coach just put his head down and apologized. LOL


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## Surfref (Jun 5, 2018)

zebrafish said:


> Horror story from today.
> 
> Dad #1 and Dad #2 yelling at each other, multiple F-bombs back and forth and much posturing. The two idiot fathers have to be separated by their respective adolescent daughters. AYFKM?!!??!


That is really sad that the youth players had to get involved.  Other adults should have intervened before the situation got out of control.


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## Surfref (Jun 5, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I’ve instructed my players that if they hear a parent heckling them or talking smack about them to respond with the following:
> 
> 1.  Point at the parent and yell “Stranger danger” repeatedly.
> 2. Look at the parent and say “I’m only 13. Can you please not talk bad about me?”
> ...


As a Referee, I will have the coach remove adults that are yelling negative comments at a youth player or disrupting the game by their stupidity on the sidelines.  Players are really good about telling me when an adult is annoying them.  I did have a 16 y/o boy yell at a dad from the other team, “If you don’t shut up I am going to kick your fat ass.”  I got involved quickly and had the coach remove the adult and I had a talk with the player.


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## Justafan (Jun 5, 2018)

Surfref said:


> As a Referee, I will have the coach remove adults that are yelling negative comments at a youth player or disrupting the game by their stupidity on the sidelines.  Players are really good about telling me when an adult is annoying them.  I did have a 16 y/o boy yell at a dad from the other team, “If you don’t shut up I am going to kick your fat ass.”  I got involved quickly and had the coach remove the adult and I had a talk with the player.


You shoulda just let the 16 year old kick that fat ass’s ass.


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## Nefutous (Jun 5, 2018)

46n2 said:


> its just ignorant to sit on the opposing team side.


When asked nicely to move by the manager or ref, my favorite response is "It is a free world, I can sit where I want to" or "I was here first."

Other than parents that are quietly taking pictures or video, parents  should follow the rules.  My worst experience was when my average size 12 year old son was playing.  A kid on the opposing team that was at least a foot taller [probably 18-20 inches taller] kept plowing down my sweeper son using both his body and arms.  It looked more like american football than soccer. After the ref spoke to the kid a few times, he was given a straight red.  I did not say anything this whole time but when he was sent off I made the mistake of turning to my dd that was sitting right next to me and said "I am glad that boy is out. I thought your brother was going to get hurt." Well it turns out his very large mother was sitting right behind me on our side of the field.   She was holding a baby and I swear she started shaking the baby at me.  When asked to move to the other side by our manager she said it was a free world.  The refs saw this but refused to step in. After the game the refs apologized and said that their whole sideline was bad and they wanted to call the game, but thought there was more danger in doing that so they let things continue. It is sad when refs feel powerless because of crazy parents.


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## Nefutous (Jun 5, 2018)

Since we are talking about parents on the wrong side, what is the proper protocol to have them move?  Should the manager ask them or should the manager ask their manager to move?

Also for some reason, many parents think that it they are sitting 10 feet back from the field, it does not matter what side they are sitting on.  What is the proper distance?  And is it ever ok to sit behind the goalie?  I am seeing more and more of this lately.


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## Technician72 (Jun 5, 2018)

Nefutous said:


> Since we are talking about parents on the wrong side, what is the proper protocol to have them move?  Should the manager ask them or should the manager ask their manager to move?


As a team manager, I always seek out the opposing team manager first. I've tried talking to people straight up before and asking them nicely, but nowadays people get their feelings hurt for any little reason, so now I just go straight to the other manager. If that doesn't work, I talk to the ref.

Note this only happens if the parents can't behave themselves. As someone who likes to take pictures during the game, I've been guilty of sitting on the opposite side quietly as I take pictures so I have no issue with someone sitting on "our" side if they're enjoying the game.


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## jose (Jun 5, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I’ve instructed my players that if they hear a parent heckling them or talking smack about them to respond with the following:
> 
> 1.  Point at the parent and yell “Stranger danger” repeatedly.
> 2. Look at the parent and say “I’m only 13. Can you please not talk bad about me?”
> ...


those are great responses i wish kids would do that i would love to see the persons face.


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## Surfref (Jun 5, 2018)

Nefutous said:


> Since we are talking about parents on the wrong side, what is the proper protocol to have them move?  Should the manager ask them or should the manager ask their manager to move?
> 
> Also for some reason, many parents think that it they are sitting 10 feet back from the field, it does not matter what side they are sitting on.  What is the proper distance?  And is it ever ok to sit behind the goalie?  I am seeing more and more of this lately.


I have a good number of managers approach me (Referee) either prior to the game or at halftime.  If it is pregame, I talk to the other team’s coach and manager and have them move their spectators to the proper side.  If at halftime, I will try to quickly find the other team’s manager and have them handle it. Or, if it is a major tournament like Surf Cup, Blues, etc. I will get the field marshal to take care of it.  If all else fails, I will get the coaches from both teams to address their spectators and get people on the correct sides.  I hate having to get the coaches involved at halftime since they are busy with their teams and it delays the second half kickoff.  If I do have to get the coaches involved, they are usually not not very nice to their spectators.

To be honest, I really don’t care who sits where unless there are problems, which the two managers should handle, or a team official (coach or manager) complains.  My primary job is to ensure player safety and manage the game.  It is not to baby sit adult spectators.


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## RedDevilDad (Jun 5, 2018)

timbuck said:


> 3. “Lady you out weigh me by at least 200 pounds.  .


Boy that lady got mad when I used that line this past weekend.  I tried to send her a link to this page but she wasn't having any of it.


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## JJP (Jun 5, 2018)

RedDevilDad said:


> Boy that lady got mad when I used that line this past weekend.  I tried to send her a link to this page but she wasn't having any of it.


Y do u have this woman’s contact info?


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## RedDevilDad (Jun 5, 2018)

JJP said:


> Y do u have this woman’s contact info?


It was a joke. I thought his list of things for kids to say was entertaining if adults said them to each other.  Lol.


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## soccermama213 (Jun 6, 2018)

etc1217 said:


> The sideline comments do tend to ease up in the older brackets.  But I got to mention, I was surprised at one tournament last season that my DD (U17) played, one of the team she played against,  every time this team scored, the parents (mostly moms) literally did a high school cheer with hand claps and all and you could hear one of the moms do a countdown so it was in unison.  All I can do was SMH.
> 
> I don't care that you cheer  for your team for a goal well deserved but to actually have a rehearsed cheer that the parents recite is so ridiculous.  I just wonder do they approach new parents and tell/email them what to do...


As a mom of that age group I’d have to say ummm no thanks...and be extremely embarrassed every game


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## timbuck (Jun 6, 2018)

soccermama213 said:


> As a mom of that age group I’d have to say ummm no thanks...and be extremely embarrassed every game


I bet they all had on cool, sparkly tank tops with their players number on them too.


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## baldref (Jun 6, 2018)

Keepermom2 said:


> This is where I have to commend you...how you don't just turn and tell them loudly to "Shut up you have no idea what your talking about" is beyond me.


hmmmm.... i shouldn't be doing that, should i?


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## soccermama213 (Jun 6, 2018)

Calisoccer11 said:


> This past weekend, after a heated game (in which my kid's team lost), my kid was on the ground stretching/rolling out.  Most families/players had already dispersed.  Two boys from the opposing team walk by my kid and give him a high five/hand shake and tell him "Good game".  Every now and then, I see this happening and it makes up for all the other bullsh*%!   The kids are alright...most parents suck.


My DDs team won national cup in OT and it was a hard fought battle by both teams. The girls started to get a little fiesty with exhaustion and desperation. My DDs defender was amazing. I made sure after he game toet her know that even my daughter commented on how good she was.


timbuck said:


> I bet they all had on cool, sparkly tank tops with their players number on them too.


yeah no sparkly soccer mom clothes for me ...


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## timbuck (Jun 6, 2018)

baldref said:


> hmmmm.... i shouldn't be doing that, should i?


Now that Cal-South has required everyone to sign a concussion form -  Maybe the next step is for all parents to take a mandatory "Laws of the Game" training.  A 30-minute recorded video sure would go a long way.


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## outside! (Jun 6, 2018)

timbuck said:


> Now that Cal-South has required everyone to sign a concussion form -  Maybe the next step is for all parents to take a mandatory "Laws of the Game" training.  A 30-minute recorded video sure would go a long way.


Great idea, but who will produce it?


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## timbuck (Jun 6, 2018)

This is a bit dated, but not bad.  (A few edits- Call the sideline the "touchline".  Don't call them linesman -  They are "Assistant Referees".  There is no offsideSSS.  It is offsidE).
I would include more detail on "Handling", "Trifling" and "Advantage"

This quick 5 minutes would save a lot of aggravation on Saturdays.


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## espola (Jun 6, 2018)

timbuck said:


> This is a bit dated, but not bad.  (A few edits- Call the sideline the "touchline".  Don't call them linesman -  They are "Assistant Referees".  There is no offsideSSS.  It is offsidE).
> I would include more detail on "Handling", "Trifling" and "Advantage"
> 
> This quick 5 minutes would save a lot of aggravation on Saturdays.


OK, but do we have to say "nil" instead of "zero"?

Pitch?

Side?


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## timbuck (Jun 6, 2018)

espola said:


> OK, but do we have to say "nil" instead of "zero"?
> 
> Pitch?
> 
> Side?


Only if you refuse to call it “soccer”.


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## David Parsio (Jun 7, 2018)

InTheValley said:


> Why is @David Parsio steering clear of this thread?


Thanks for the shout out!  Don't see how my fight with Cal South transfers to behavior on the sideline but however you wish..

Just so your aware, my handle is my actual name , since you do not seem very bright.  I have been on these forums for 12 years through all the VIN Bryan Wallace, Mario BS as well as countless stupidity by individuals I still see lurking.  My OG handle before the site switches, breakdowns, refreshes etc was "Couls".

Maybe I will change it by investing in a Platinum membership...Have fun "intheValley" I hear its a nice place.


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## LASTMAN14 (Jun 7, 2018)

David Parsio said:


> Thanks for the shout out!  Don't see how my fight with Cal South transfers to behavior on the sideline but however you wish..
> 
> Just so your aware, my handle is my actual name , since you do not seem very bright.  I have been on these forums for 12 years through all the VIN Bryan Wallace, Mario BS as well as countless stupidity by individuals I still see lurking.  My OG handle before the site switches, breakdowns, refreshes etc was "Couls".
> 
> Maybe I will change it by investing in a Platinum membership...Have fun "intheValley" I hear its a nice place.


I remember that handle. I must admit I miss some of the posters from the old site. Someone brought up Azzuri. And not to long ago Casper.


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## LASTMAN14 (Jun 7, 2018)

espola said:


> OK, but do we have to say "nil" instead of "zero"?
> 
> Pitch?
> 
> Side?


Ok, you were actually funny there.


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## 46n2 (Jun 8, 2018)

Parent that yell on the side line are most likely the same people that yell at their kids at practice


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## Surfref (Jun 8, 2018)

46n2 said:


> Parent that yell on the side line are most likely the same people that yell at their kids at practice


My daughter went through 10 years of youth soccer and I never once heard a parent yell or cheer for their kid at a practice.


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## timbuck (Jun 8, 2018)

Surfref said:


> My daughter went through 10 years of youth soccer and I never once heard a parent yell or cheer for their kid at a practice.


I filled in for my daughters 07 practice a few weeks ago.  End of practice scrimmage.  I subbed a girl off.  Her mom walked up to her and started yelling at her for not playing hard enough.  Not my team, so I didn't feel right telling the mom to chill.


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## Surfref (Jun 8, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I filled in for my daughters 07 practice a few weeks ago.  End of practice scrimmage.  I subbed a girl off.  Her mom walked up to her and started yelling at her for not playing hard enough.  Not my team, so I didn't feel right telling the mom to chill.


That is why kids quit soccer.  Crazy ass parents.


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## focomoso (Jun 8, 2018)

Fact said:


> ...weed them out early...


Well, it's legal now in CA, and might be the best solution.


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## outside! (Jun 8, 2018)

Surfref said:


> My daughter went through 10 years of youth soccer and I never once heard a parent yell or cheer for their kid at a practice.


At tryouts one year there was a rope setup to keep parents near the clubhouse and away from the fields. Some youngers were trying out about 50 yards from the rope. A mom and dad were right at the rope, leaning over shouting instructions. I tried to gently let them know that they were sabotaging their kid's tryout, but they would not take the hint.


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## Fact (Jun 8, 2018)

outside! said:


> At tryouts one year there was a rope setup to keep parents near the clubhouse and away from the fields. Some youngers were trying out about 50 yards from the rope. A mom and dad were right at the rope, leaning over shouting instructions. I tried to gently let them know that they were sabotaging their kid's tryout, but they would not take the hint.


Ha! Lean on the rope.  I often saw parents step over the rope and stand right next to the coach while barking orders during tryouts. This was from the smallest clubs to the largest. But honestly I don't care if a parent embarrassed their own kid, I and bothered when they say things or order around other kids.


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## Surfref (Jun 8, 2018)

If you want to hear crazy ass comments, just sit in the stands with the parents at a college ID camp.  They coach from the stands, brag about how great their kid is and bad mouth other kids.  They are clueless as to which parent belongs to which kid they are badmouthing.

During the summer between my daughter’s HS junior and Senior year we went to an ID camp in Georgia near Savannah that was mostly attended by NAIA coaches, but two of the D1/D2 coaches that were recruiting her were there.  I was sitting in the top row of the bleachers with all of the other parents in front of me and the mom of one of the keepers right in front of me.  For an hour I sat and quietly listened to her cheering and yelling advice to her keeper daughter and loudly saying how great her daughter was and all her accomplishments.  My daughter was on fire that day and I later found out that she was pissed because some of the girls gave her crap because she was from California.  Her scrimmage team rotated into a game against the loudmouth mom’s keeper daughter.  My DD scored three goals, including a sweet header and bicycle kick goal, within the first 10 minutes.  The keeper’s mom announced that she had heard that the redhead (my DD) played for a California ECNL team (wrong it was CSL), ODP (wrong), and was a high school all-state player (wrong), and that was why her daughter was unable to stop any of those goals.  It saw hot and humid and I had heard enough of the mom’s BS.  I informed her that the redhead was my daughter and she did not play ECNL, ODP or HS soccer and that she was just a slightly above average Southern California player.  The keeper’s mom just said, “oh” and everyone stopped the bragging and coaching and were quiet for the remainder of the afternoon. As we were walking to the car I told my daughter what I did and she gave me a high-five and said, “That keeper sucked.”  The next day I brought my earbuds and listened to music.


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## Bananacorner (Jun 8, 2018)

Fact said:


> Ha! Lean on the rope.  I often saw parents step over the rope and stand right next to the coach while barking orders during tryouts. This was from the smallest clubs to the largest. But honestly I don't care if a parent embarrassed their own kid, I and bothered when they say things or order around other kids.


Oh yes, had a father on a team once who stood next to other parents and then every time their player touched the ball (he almost always picked on the offensive players since his daughter primarily played defense but he wanted her to play offense) -- "why didn't your daughter shoot? " or "why did she pass, she only had one player to dribble around and she was to goal?" or "Oh, she should've taken it up the wing, it was wide open!" or he would just bark instructions loudly to the girl.  Drove the parents crazy.  He never shouted at or made comments about his own kid, even on the occasion she played offense.  

He stopped doing it to me because on one occasion he said to me, "your daughter really needs to release the ball sooner, she plays with it too much and takes too long in the middle blah blah blah."  So I said, "yeah, your daughter is really fast and can dribble down the wing really well, but why does she then softly pass it to the goalie every time instead of shooting or centering it to a team mate?"  He mumbled something about her not having enough experience at wing and the quickly left to go bother someone else, and I never heard his bs again.


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## 46n2 (Jun 8, 2018)

I attended a tryout this year, and was blown away at this particular dad, he was so in his kids business, it was crazy........I am convinced the club turn a blind eye to the kid just because of the father.  He would basically run on the field and show the boy how to kick and coach him right on the spot.
I mean I get dance moms right, but why is it that theres so many idiots on the sidelines now.  
Im starting to hear about the fights at Silverlakes, I wouldnt blame booze, its just poor sportsmanship.....


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## jrcaesar (Jun 8, 2018)

46n2 said:


> Im starting to hear about the fights at Silverlakes, I wouldnt blame booze, its just poor sportsmanship.....


True - there are parents drinking beer at other tournaments if you look closely enough.


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## LASoccerMom (Jun 9, 2018)

jrcaesar said:


> True - there are parents drinking beer at other tournaments if you look closely enough.


Based on experience a few years ago with son's AYSO coach I assume every Swell bottle has booze in it.


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## rainbow_unicorn (Jun 9, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I filled in for my daughters 07 practice a few weeks ago.  End of practice scrimmage.  I subbed a girl off.  Her mom walked up to her and started yelling at her for not playing hard enough.  Not my team, so I didn't feel right telling the mom to chill.


All parents need to play a full game at Silverlakes during the summer and kids get to scream at their parents midway through the 2nd half about why they're not playing hard enough.


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## rainbow_unicorn (Jun 9, 2018)

.


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## Surfref (Jun 9, 2018)

The really young players don’t play the game for a college scholarship, they play the game for fun.  I had a great experience after my last game (6 games) today.  I had the losing team come up to me and tell me I was the “greatestest referee in the world” and they all high fived me then the winning team came over and told me “ I did really good” and gave me a high five.  These were 7-8 year old girls that just had fun playing soccer and didn’t really care who won or lost.  Much different than the 4 intense high level 16 year old girl’s games in the morning.

All of the parents except one were well behaved and the CR threw him out.  His 16 year old daughter yelled at him, “Dad I told you not to say anything.  Thanks for embarrassing me.”  Good day of soccer today.  Not one yellow or red card was issued in any of the 6 games.  Good clean play.


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## timbuck (Jun 9, 2018)

rainbow_unicorn said:


> All parents need to play a full game at Silverlakes during the summer and kids get to scream at their parents midway through the 2nd half about why they're not playing hard enough.


A full game?  How about 2 games in less than 5 hours?


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## RedCard (Jun 10, 2018)

rainbow_unicorn said:


> All parents need to play a full game at Silverlakes during the summer and kids get to scream at their parents midway through the 2nd half about why they're not playing hard enough.


And make sure there's no subs available...........


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## JJP (Jun 10, 2018)

I agree most of what’s said here but I have no problem with parents yelling at their kids to hustle or play harder, because I’m pretty sure before the game that parent was yelling at the kid to get off fortnite and get to bed early, or get in a training session and get in shape instead of fortnite all the time.


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## coachrefparent (Jun 10, 2018)

JJP said:


> I agree most of what’s said here but I have no problem with parents yelling at their kids to hustle or play harder, because I’m pretty sure before the game that parent was yelling at the kid to get off fortnite and get to bed early, or get in a training session and get in shape instead of fortnite all the time.


Wrong, that's part of the problem. If you put your kid on a team, you should trust the coach and let them coach. When they are at home, or otherwise away from the coach, you can ban phones and fortnite.


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## JJP (Jun 10, 2018)

coachrefparent said:


> Wrong, that's part of the problem. If you put your kid on a team, you should trust the coach and let them coach. When they are at home, or otherwise away from the coach, you can ban phones and fortnite.


Nah, gonna have to disagree.  When he’s playing lethargic, I’m gonna say, “Come on, pick it up.”  If somebody has a problem with me saying that, they can kiss my ass.

Enough with this groupthink BS already.  I don’t really care what people say.  Plenty of people have gotten pissed at my boy for running kids over cleanly.  Plenty of people have cursed him out for popping kids and stripping them of the ball.  Unless they start throwing punches at me or him, I don’t give a shit what they say.

There are way too many thin-skinned and deluded people of all types—players, parents, coaches, refs.  There are so many shitty coaches, their players have no technique, no idea how to keep their shape or when to break shape, no idea when to press or when to play positionally.  I can’t sit here and blast a dad who knows the game for telling his son what to do when the kid is confused and the coach is sub AYSO level.  What I’ve seen is, when a coach is really good, and is vocal about coaching the team, parents shut up.  When the coach sits there doing nothing while his team falls apart, parents start yelling.  And of course you have the crazy parents.

And there are so many shitty refs out there, they get so pissed off when people point out their blown calls, they rant and rave about crazy parents always arguing with them.   Yea, certainly it could be the crazy parents, but it seems to me that there are certain refs, they are always blowing calls, getting mad when called on it, and those refs give out punishment calls to get revenge against the parents who pissed them off, causing a further round of escalations.  At the end of the day, you have to respect the refs decision no matter how bad it was, but am I gonna just blast the parents and put shit refs on a pedestal?  To hell with that.  I have no sympathy for shitty refs getting their feelings hurt because they’re getting yelled at by pissed off parents.

Everyone in this game needs to just a develop a thicker skin and better understanding of the rules of this game and how it’s played.  But that will never happen.  So I’m gonna do whatever I want using my best judgment, and completely ignore all the idiots out there, which has worked great for me so far.


----------



## JJP (Jun 10, 2018)

coachrefparent said:


> When they are at home, or otherwise away from the coach, you can ban phones and fortnite.


Dude, do u even have kids?  The kids get a lot of their homework online and turn in homework on google docs or sheets.  If u take away their phone and/or computer they can’t do their homework.

I suppose I could sit in his room every night and then make sure he gets all his homework done and then take away his phone and computer, but I just think that’s too intrusive, and tbh I have better things to do.  Is that ok with u?


----------



## mirage (Jun 11, 2018)

Surfref said:


> If you want to hear crazy ass comments, just sit in the stands with the parents at a college ID camp.  They coach from the stands, brag about how great their kid is and bad mouth other kids.  They are clueless as to which parent belongs to which kid they are badmouthing.
> 
> During the summer between my daughter’s HS junior and Senior year we went to an ID camp in Georgia near Savannah that was mostly attended by NAIA coaches, but two of the D1/D2 coaches that were recruiting her were there.  I was sitting in the top row of the bleachers with all of the other parents in front of me and the mom of one of the keepers right in front of me.  For an hour I sat and quietly listened to her cheering and yelling advice to her keeper daughter and loudly saying how great her daughter was and all her accomplishments.  My daughter was on fire that day and I later found out that she was pissed because some of the girls gave her crap because she was from California.  Her scrimmage team rotated into a game against the loudmouth mom’s keeper daughter.  My DD scored three goals, including a sweet header and bicycle kick goal, within the first 10 minutes.  The keeper’s mom announced that she had heard that the redhead (my DD) played for a California ECNL team (wrong it was CSL), ODP (wrong), and was a high school all-state player (wrong), and that was why her daughter was unable to stop any of those goals.  It saw hot and humid and I had heard enough of the mom’s BS.  I informed her that the redhead was my daughter and she did not play ECNL, ODP or HS soccer and that she was just a slightly above average Southern California player.  The keeper’s mom just said, “oh” and everyone stopped the bragging and coaching and were quiet for the remainder of the afternoon. As we were walking to the car I told my daughter what I did and she gave me a high-five and said, “That keeper sucked.”  The next day I brought my earbuds and listened to music.


Just want to say that this post is over generalization to say that "If you want to hear crazy ass comments, just sit in the stands with the parents at a college ID camp."

I'm sure what Surfref said happened, it did.  Our experience with various ID camps - both east coast and west coast, has not been what's being described.  Perhaps its more true on the women's side?  Since our kid plays men's soccer, the whole environment may have been different.

Most parents that we noticed just sat and watched.  No bragging or slandering or making up $hit about players on the field.   At times, casual conversation with other parents, like which one is your kid or where you guys from?  No coaching from the sideline or yelling.

We did 4 schools in the northeast and 2 schools in the west (none in the central, south or northwest).  All 6 were very civilized. Perhaps we missed it or got lucky but never saw a single parent that we say "that parent"....


----------



## mirage (Jun 11, 2018)

JJP said:


> ....Everyone in this game needs to just a develop a thicker skin and better understanding of the rules of this game and how it’s played....


Agree.

There are, my sense is, way too many parents that essentially say "just do your best honey and don't worry about the outcome" to just about everything.  Also over protective parents that simply do not tolerate any criticism about their kids.  Yeah I know, I'll get lots of Dislike and Disagree from most of you....

For most of you regulars and long time posters on the forum, you know my responses and replies are rational and even keel.  So when I say the above, its because thread like this shouldn't linger multiple pages and days, like it has.

Set realistic expectations and let your kids know when they fail.  No its not okay to say as long as you gave your best, because kids will quickly get used to you tolerating whatever they do under the pretense that that was their best.  Kids need to learn they have to work at it to reach the objectives.  Always adjust the expectations just out of reach, as soon as they reach them.

As for idiotic parents on the sideline, let them.  Its entertainment and be glad its not you making fool of yourself.


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## JCM (Jun 11, 2018)

It took me a while because I thought since I played, coached college, etc. that I knew better and my "help" was not like the other crazy parents, but I've become convinced that no matter who you are or who your kid is, long term that if you think anything other than clapping positively or saying nothing during the game and saying anything other than "I loved watching you play" after the game, is helpful, you are doing it wrong. It's been studied to the gills.  Your kids don't need you to inspire them or instruct them on the soccer field any more than they need it during a math test.  Let them succeed or fail on their own. In the long run it's better for them and for your relationship with them.


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## MR.D (Jun 11, 2018)

mirage said:


> As for idiotic parents on the sideline, let them.  Its entertainment and be glad its not you making fool of yourself.


Besides watching my kid play I love this part.  Better than must see T.V.


----------



## Bananacorner (Jun 11, 2018)

MR.D said:


> Besides watching my kid play I love this part.  Better than must see T.V.


Best is filming it and watching it with a group later.  Our favorite is a tiger mom and grandma duo screaming at their 9-year old daughter playing against a team that they were already beating 5-0.  The frenzied screaming -- you would have thought the girls hair was on fire and they were trying to get her to put it out.


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## socalkdg (Jun 11, 2018)

Every once in a while my daughter will look at me from her spot at keeper, put her finger to her lips to shhhh me.   Or my wife smacks me.   I'm getting better, I promise.  I don't want to become one of the guys you talk about here on the forum.


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## Sheriff Joe (Jun 11, 2018)

socalkdg said:


> Every once in a while my daughter will look at me from her spot at keeper, put her finger to her lips to shhhh me.   Or my wife smacks me.   I'm getting better, I promise.  I don't want to become one of the guys you talk about here on the forum.


Too late. JK.
My daughter shushes her mom quite often, nothing worse than a parent getting on the refs with little or no knowledge of the game.


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## RedCard (Jun 11, 2018)

socalkdg said:


> Every once in a while my daughter will look at me from her spot at keeper, put her finger to her lips to shhhh me.   Or my wife smacks me.   I'm getting better, I promise.  I don't want to become one of the guys you talk about here on the forum.


I feel bad when I’m the center referee and a player comes to me during the game and request that I ask their mom/dad to stop yelling at them.


----------



## Surfref (Jun 11, 2018)

RedCard said:


> I feel bad when I’m the center referee and a player comes to me during the game and request that I ask their mom/dad to stop yelling at them.


I had a 15 year old girl this past weekend tell her dad to shut up.  The dad was trying to joystick his daughter when there was no need because she knew what she was doing.  There were also a few fights/confrontations on the sidelines at Rebels Cup this past weekend.  It is embarrassing for the club when two coaches from the same club get into it on the sideline and their DOC has to break them up.  The parents in the four 7v7 games were a hell of a lot better behaved then the parents in the six B/G13-16 games that I worked.  I had absolutely no problems with those younger's parents.


----------



## baldref (Jun 11, 2018)

RedCard said:


> I feel bad when I’m the center referee and a player comes to me during the game and request that I ask their mom/dad to stop yelling at them.


surprising how much this actually happens. what also happens is the poor kid who hangs their head after you remove their dad from the field and he is screaming profanity all the way to the parking lot.....


----------



## baldref (Jun 11, 2018)

JJP said:


> Nah, gonna have to disagree.  When he’s playing lethargic, I’m gonna say, “Come on, pick it up.”  If somebody has a problem with me saying that, they can kiss my ass.
> 
> Enough with this groupthink BS already.  I don’t really care what people say.  Plenty of people have gotten pissed at my boy for running kids over cleanly.  Plenty of people have cursed him out for popping kids and stripping them of the ball.  Unless they start throwing punches at me or him, I don’t give a shit what they say.
> 
> ...


i know you don't give a shit or care, but you're the problem.


----------



## Soccer Cat (Jun 11, 2018)

I watched two parents and one kid get tossed out of two different 2004 games/same team this weekend at Charity Cup.  They deserved it, the ref actually had a lot of restraint.  They really should have tossed one of the coaches and several of the parents as well.  Their sideline erupted in cheers when their girls got yellow cards.  Our team played after theirs and the bad parents' sideline was littered with trash when they left.


----------



## timbuck (Jun 11, 2018)

In all seriousness-  What would it take for the leagues to put parents on the same side as their teams?
An asshole will still be an asshole. But at least it will be harder to start a fight from across the field.


----------



## baldref (Jun 11, 2018)

Surfref said:


> If you want to hear crazy ass comments, just sit in the stands with the parents at a college ID camp.  They coach from the stands, brag about how great their kid is and bad mouth other kids.  They are clueless as to which parent belongs to which kid they are badmouthing.
> 
> During the summer between my daughter’s HS junior and Senior year we went to an ID camp in Georgia near Savannah that was mostly attended by NAIA coaches, but two of the D1/D2 coaches that were recruiting her were there.  I was sitting in the top row of the bleachers with all of the other parents in front of me and the mom of one of the keepers right in front of me.  For an hour I sat and quietly listened to her cheering and yelling advice to her keeper daughter and loudly saying how great her daughter was and all her accomplishments.  My daughter was on fire that day and I later found out that she was pissed because some of the girls gave her crap because she was from California.  Her scrimmage team rotated into a game against the loudmouth mom’s keeper daughter.  My DD scored three goals, including a sweet header and bicycle kick goal, within the first 10 minutes.  The keeper’s mom announced that she had heard that the redhead (my DD) played for a California ECNL team (wrong it was CSL), ODP (wrong), and was a high school all-state player (wrong), and that was why her daughter was unable to stop any of those goals.  It saw hot and humid and I had heard enough of the mom’s BS.  I informed her that the redhead was my daughter and she did not play ECNL, ODP or HS soccer and that she was just a slightly above average Southern California player.  The keeper’s mom just said, “oh” and everyone stopped the bragging and coaching and were quiet for the remainder of the afternoon. As we were walking to the car I told my daughter what I did and she gave me a high-five and said, “That keeper sucked.”  The next day I brought my earbuds and listened to music.


my mom loved watching my daughter play, and her and my step dad would even drive to temecula from pine valley where they lived, to watch her games. even after my step dad couldn't walk very well, she would pack up his scooter in the mini-van and they would go anywhere to watch her play. step dad passed away about seven years ago, and mom was on her own. my kid stopped playing and mom was lonely. I started having her come out to watch me ref games. it gave her the youth soccer fix and it was good to get her out of the house and doing something active, although at first it was a bit weird having a fifty something year old man getting kisses from his mommy after the games..... anyway, we've had a lot of fun with it over the years. at first mom had to really bite her lip as she sat with the sidelines listening to the crazy stuff that parents say, not just towards the referee (her son), but towards their own kids, and to the opposing players. some of the things she tells me after the games is just pure insanity. we have had fun with it too from time to time. One game, she's sitting in the middle of the parents and the ball goes over her head and she made a feeble attempt to stop it. I yelled "hey old lady! how about a little bit better effort next time!" the looks from the parents was awesome..... another time, i had a sideline that was very very unhappy with me, and she was sitting in the middle of them. after the game I make a beeline straight over to them with my grumpy face, and then stop and give my mom a hug and say, "how did you friends like me mom?". again, the expressions on their faces were so great. over the years, mom has identified not only clubs with the worst parents, but certain coaches that i've seen numerous times, and how they treat their kids, and she doesn't really approve. 

hmmmm..... i'm not sure i have a point to this story......


----------



## Messi>CR7 (Jun 11, 2018)

baldref said:


> my mom loved watching my daughter play, and her and my step dad would even drive to temecula from pine valley where they lived, to watch her games. even after my step dad couldn't walk very well, she would pack up his scooter in the mini-van and they would go anywhere to watch her play. step dad passed away about seven years ago, and mom was on her own. my kid stopped playing and mom was lonely. I started having her come out to watch me ref games. it gave her the youth soccer fix and it was good to get her out of the house and doing something active, although at first it was a bit weird having a fifty something year old man getting kisses from his mommy after the games..... anyway, we've had a lot of fun with it over the years. at first mom had to really bite her lip as she sat with the sidelines listening to the crazy stuff that parents say, not just towards the referee (her son), but towards their own kids, and to the opposing players. some of the things she tells me after the games is just pure insanity. we have had fun with it too from time to time. One game, she's sitting in the middle of the parents and the ball goes over her head and she made a feeble attempt to stop it. I yelled "hey old lady! how about a little bit better effort next time!" the looks from the parents was awesome..... another time, i had a sideline that was very very unhappy with me, and she was sitting in the middle of them. after the game I make a beeline straight over to them with my grumpy face, and then stop and give my mom a hug and say, "how did you friends like me mom?". again, the expressions on their faces were so great. over the years, mom has identified not only clubs with the worst parents, but certain coaches that i've seen numerous times, and how they treat their kids, and she doesn't really approve.
> 
> hmmmm..... i'm not sure i have a point to this story......


Lovely story, but I'm a little disappointed with the ending.  In the middle of the paragraph, I was hoping this ends with your mom with her scooter plowing through those parents who berated you.


----------



## baldref (Jun 11, 2018)

Messi>CR7 said:


> Lovely story, but I'm a little disappointed with the ending.  In the middle of the paragraph, I was hoping this ends with your mom with her scooter plowing through those parents who berated you.


at first, she would get very upset, and she did have words a couple of times with one or two of them. but i told her she just had to ignore it. i'm not saying i wouldn't stop a game to go kick someone's ass who was attacking my mother, but i sure don't want to.


----------



## pewpew (Jun 11, 2018)

Messi>CR7 said:


> Lovely story, but I'm a little disappointed with the ending.  In the middle of the paragraph, I was hoping this ends with your mom with her scooter plowing through those parents who berated you.


I almost choked on my drink right now laughing so hard reading this at my player's training!!
A few other parents asked me if I was ok but I just played it off saying it went down the wrong way.


----------



## coachrefparent (Jun 11, 2018)

JJP said:


> Dude, do u even have kids?  The kids get a lot of their homework online and turn in homework on google docs or sheets.  If u take away their phone and/or computer they can’t do their homework.
> 
> I suppose I could sit in his room every night and then make sure he gets all his homework done and then take away his phone and computer, but I just think that’s too intrusive, and tbh I have better things to do.  Is that ok with u?


You are the one that said "I have no problem with parents yelling at their kids to hustle or play harder, because I’m pretty sure before the game that parent was yelling at the kid to get off fortnite and get to bed early..." 

You sound like my son, "I need my phone and computer  to do homework....", and using tbh and "u" instead of you tells me you're a child.


----------



## Keepermom2 (Jun 11, 2018)

socalkdg said:


> Every once in a while my daughter will look at me from her spot at keeper, put her finger to her lips to shhhh me.   Or my wife smacks me.   I'm getting better, I promise.  I don't want to become one of the guys you talk about here on the forum.


LOL...my daughter did the same thing to me this weekend.  It is just so hard!!!


----------



## DefndrDad (Jun 11, 2018)

baldref said:


> my mom loved watching my daughter play, and her and my step dad would even drive to temecula from pine valley where they lived, to watch her games. even after my step dad couldn't walk very well, she would pack up his scooter in the mini-van and they would go anywhere to watch her play. step dad passed away about seven years ago, and mom was on her own. my kid stopped playing and mom was lonely. I started having her come out to watch me ref games. it gave her the youth soccer fix and it was good to get her out of the house and doing something active, although at first it was a bit weird having a fifty something year old man getting kisses from his mommy after the games..... anyway, we've had a lot of fun with it over the years. at first mom had to really bite her lip as she sat with the sidelines listening to the crazy stuff that parents say, not just towards the referee (her son), but towards their own kids, and to the opposing players. some of the things she tells me after the games is just pure insanity. we have had fun with it too from time to time. One game, she's sitting in the middle of the parents and the ball goes over her head and she made a feeble attempt to stop it. I yelled "hey old lady! how about a little bit better effort next time!" the looks from the parents was awesome..... another time, i had a sideline that was very very unhappy with me, and she was sitting in the middle of them. after the game I make a beeline straight over to them with my grumpy face, and then stop and give my mom a hug and say, "how did you friends like me mom?". again, the expressions on their faces were so great. over the years, mom has identified not only clubs with the worst parents, but certain coaches that i've seen numerous times, and how they treat their kids, and she doesn't really approve.
> 
> hmmmm..... i'm not sure i have a point to this story......


Keep going lol what happens next?!  I bet your mom’s “stories from the sideline” could be a reality show.


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## JJP (Jun 20, 2018)

coachrefparent said:


> You are the one that said "I have no problem with parents yelling at their kids to hustle or play harder, because I’m pretty sure before the game that parent was yelling at the kid to get off fortnite and get to bed early..."
> 
> You sound like my son, "I need my phone and computer  to do homework....", and using tbh and "u" instead of you tells me you're a child.


Using abbreviations makes me a child?  If that’s the only substantive response you have, why do u even bother to reply?  You make no sense.  There’s no correlation between abbreviation use and age.

And yes, he does need his computer to do homework.  There’s this program called Google Docs.  His school has given him a student account where he saves his homework on a network drive.  Some of his homework has to be turned in that way, the teacher won’t accept paper.  When he saves the homework, it gets time stamped so the teacher can see that it’s turned in on time.

Please explain o fount of all knowing wisdom how he’s supposed to save homework on google docs without a computer.


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## JJP (Jun 20, 2018)

baldref said:


> i know you don't give a shit or care, but you're the problem.


Yes, Ms. Laura Ingersoll, I can see that you want me and everyone else to “just shut up and dribble.”  Because you are a ref, or a coach, with a position of authority.  And you want that authority respected.

But this is the USA, not some banana republic like where you grew up.  People here get to speak up and disagree with the President of the US.  So there’s no way you can demand or expect that kind of respect for a coach or ref, especially a shitty coach or ref.

And let’s face it.  There are some incredibly bad coaches and refs out there.  If some adult wants to criticize a shitty coach or ref and is willing to live with the consequences, then it’s on him or her.  I’m not getting involved to say “tut tut, that’s improper” and regulate grown men and women as if they’re children like you want to.

I get it that you think people who say things you disagree with are the problem.  What I’m telling you is, people like you who don’t stick to their own lane are the bigger problem.


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## baldref (Jun 21, 2018)

JJP said:


> Yes, Ms. Laura Ingersoll, I can see that you want me and everyone else to “just shut up and dribble.”  Because you are a ref, or a coach, with a position of authority.  And you want that authority respected.
> 
> But this is the USA, not some banana republic like where you grew up.  People here get to speak up and disagree with the President of the US.  So there’s no way you can demand or expect that kind of respect for a coach or ref, especially a shitty coach or ref.
> 
> ...


anger. lack of respect, poor upbringing, too bad, so sad.


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## Fact (Jun 21, 2018)

JJP said:


> Yes, Ms. Laura Ingersoll, I can see that you want me and everyone else to “just shut up and dribble.”  Because you are a ref, or a coach, with a position of authority.  And you want that authority respected.
> 
> But this is the USA, not some banana republic like where you grew up.  People here get to speak up and disagree with the President of the US.  So there’s no way you can demand or expect that kind of respect for a coach or ref, especially a shitty coach or ref.
> 
> ...


You need a lesson in constitutional law.  Just like the stupid parents that think you can sit wherever they like during a game. YOU CANNOT DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ON THE SIDELINES!!  The area around the fields, along with the fields are rented for the game and thus are controlled and governed by the rules of whatever organization is the licensing body. In most cases around here it is the home team/club/tournament and CalSouth. Don't STFU and you can and should be tossed.  You continue to violate the rule and you can and should be banned from all games.  Just because no one has the balls to say anything to you so far does not mean it is allowed, just means people are chicken shit or are trying to not make it worse for your kid.  Sounds like you possibly might be a good candidate to report to CPS depending upon the age of your child. 

Since you think that you are invincible. why don't you tell me which team your kid plays on? I will personally make sure I come and watch the games and file reports on your behavior with CalSouth.  Then we will see what exactly your rights are.  You're a poor excuse for a human.


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## JJP (Jun 21, 2018)

Fact said:


> You need a lesson in constitutional law.  Just like the stupid parents that think you can sit wherever they like during a game. YOU CANNOT DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ON THE SIDELINES!!  The area around the fields, along with the fields are rented for the game and thus are controlled and governed by the rules of whatever organization is the licensing body. In most cases around here it is the home team/club/tournament and CalSouth. Don't STFU and you can and should be tossed.  You continue to violate the rule and you can and should be banned from all games.  Just because no one has the balls to say anything to you so far does not mean it is allowed, just means people are chicken shit or are trying to not make it worse for your kid.  Sounds like you possibly might be a good candidate to report to CPS depending upon the age of your child.
> 
> Since you think that you are invincible. *why don't you tell me which team your kid plays on? I will personally make sure I come and watch the games and file reports on your behavior with CalSouth.Then we will see what exactly your rights are.* You're a poor excuse for a human.


OMG.  Learn to read.

The thing I said setting off this shitfest is, I have no problem with parents saying “C’mon pick it up” to their kid, and that innocuous statement really seems to have triggered the manner nannies, because you don’t like anyone saying anything at all, or anything you disagree with.

The behavior of the refs in this discussion matches the behavior of the vast majority of refs I’ve seen in games, and shows why you are a big part of the problem.  I can’t even count the number of times I’ve seen a ref blow a call, hearing a parent tell the ref something like, “That’s not an offsides, #18 over there was keeping everyone insides.”

And the parent is completely right, and then ref blows up, tells the parent he will kick him out, and starts making more terrible calls to get his revenge, ticking off more parents, and then that idiot ref starts complaining about “crazy parents”.

Sure , there are crazy parents, but there are tons of crazy, crappy refs.  And you are one of them.  Threatening to follow me around at my son’s games so you can police my behavior because u don’t like the fact that I’m telling the truth and not knuckling under to what you guys thinks is “proper”behavior.  That’s called stalking you crazy ass fool.


----------



## espola (Jun 21, 2018)

JJP said:


> OMG.  Learn to read.
> 
> The thing I said setting off this shitfest is, I have no problem with parents saying “C’mon pick it up” to their kid, and that innocuous statement really seems to have triggered the manner nannies, because you don’t like anyone saying anything at all, or anything you disagree with.
> 
> ...


In my son's first year as a club coach, the referee blew an offside call (keeper and defender were still in the PA after a 50-50 goal kick was won by his midfielder who immediately pumped the ball about 20 yards forward to his open teammate - tweet - arm in air).  My son pointed at the opponents and said loud enough for the referee to hear "One - Two".  The referee waved him off and warned him to be quiet about it.  The AR on his side was someone he knew from high school coaching days, so they had a laugh about it.


----------



## baldref (Jun 21, 2018)

JJP said:


> OMG.  Learn to read.
> 
> The thing I said setting off this shitfest is, I have no problem with parents saying “C’mon pick it up” to their kid, and that innocuous statement really seems to have triggered the manner nannies, because you don’t like anyone saying anything at all, or anything you disagree with.
> 
> ...


I’m glad I’m not you


----------



## Fact (Jun 21, 2018)

JJP said:


> OMG.  Learn to read.
> 
> The thing I said setting off this shitfest is, I have no problem with parents saying “C’mon pick it up” to their kid, and that innocuous statement really seems to have triggered the manner nannies, because you don’t like anyone saying anything at all, or anything you disagree with.
> 
> ...





baldref said:


> anger. lack of respect, poor upbringing, too bad, so sad.


I have no problem reading. You've made it perfectly clear what type of person you are and I completely agree with Baldref. ^


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## Nefutous (Jul 9, 2018)

During the last and this World Cup the favorite line by obnoxious parents seems to be he/she is “pulling a Neymar.” Unless you have medical training and are examing the child, you do not have the right to say anything about a child that is down.

However there was a flopper on my son’s team years ago and the ref pulled him aside and told him that he needed a hobby because he was watching too much of the World Cup. Even the boy’s dad had to laugh.


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## Nefutous (Jul 9, 2018)

LASTMAN14 said:


> This is why I go to an area away from the sidelines. Often behind the net when its allowed or possible. Or off in the corner. I have even from time to time put my wireless earbuds in and listen to music.


Thinking about this post, when is it ever allowed to sit behind the goal? In fact when is it even allowed to sit anywhere between the corner flag and goal?  Unless you mean that you are 20 feet away and up a hill????  Just curious on whether this is a rule or a custom. Refs seem to be all over the board on this issue.


----------



## timbuck (Jul 9, 2018)

Nefutous said:


> Thinking about this post, when is it ever allowed to sit behind the goal? In fact when is it even allowed to sit anywhere between the corner flag and goal?  Unless you mean that you are 20 feet away and up a hill????  Just curious on whether this is a rule or a custom. Refs seem to be all over the board on this issue.


A ref will usually clear this out if they notice it. But they are usually focused on the game.  It typically takes a coach to complain about it. Which then causes more tension on the sidelines because “your coach is a snitch”. 

Same thing with kids running around out there with earrings/nose rings.  Refs don’t always catch it. But when a player or coach notifies a ref about it, all hell can break loose. 

If everyone would just follow rules and use common sense, things would be a lot more pleasant out there.


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## Messi>CR7 (Jul 9, 2018)

Nefutous said:


> Thinking about this post, when is it ever allowed to sit behind the goal? In fact when is it even allowed to sit anywhere between the corner flag and goal?  Unless you mean that you are 20 feet away and up a hill????  Just curious on whether this is a rule or a custom. Refs seem to be all over the board on this issue.


I usually stand between the goal and corner flag to take photos.  I back up a few steps back if the action is coming closer to me.

I was told once by our coach that supposedly no one should be standing behind the goal lines.  But I keep my mouth shut and don't cheer at all while standing there, and no refs have ever asked me to leave.  The key is don't draw attention to yourself.


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## baldref (Jul 9, 2018)

Messi>CR7 said:


> I usually stand between the goal and corner flag to take photos.  I back up a few steps back if the action is coming closer to me.
> 
> I was told once by our coach that supposedly no one should be standing behind the goal lines.  But I keep my mouth shut and don't cheer at all while standing there, and no refs have ever asked me to leave.  The key is don't draw attention to yourself.


If you’re not a distraction in any way, I’m ok with it.


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## NickName (Jul 9, 2018)

Nefutous said:


> However there was a flopper on my son’s team years ago and the ref pulled him aside and told him that he needed a hobby because he was watching too much of the World Cup. Even the boy’s dad had to laugh.


I haven't noticed too much flopping over the year.  There are some kids that just go down easier than others but every once in a while, you find one that you just have to giggle at.
I didn't catch all of it so you really had to be there but whenever someone mentions flopping I think of this:





Kid got a couple good rolls in the end and was upset the play continued


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## NickName (Jul 9, 2018)

Messi>CR7 said:


> I usually stand between the goal and corner flag to take photos.  I back up a few steps back if the action is coming closer to me.


This thread has branched in so many directions its almost comical.

I typically film our games (more for the parents than the kids).  Occasionally I have to set up between the benches depending on the suns position.  I've never had anyone complain but I make it a point to greet the coach on the other team and if he(she) asks, I offer up a link to the game when I'm done.
If shes able to make it, my wife will take pictures from the sidelines including from behind the net.  She doesn't "set up" and doesn't stay too long in one place.  I don't recall her ever being asked to move by a ref.
We did have a keeper coach get asked to move during a single ref scrimmage.  I did find that a bit odd as the point of a scrimmage is to practice and learn but I do get it.


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## Nefutous (Jul 9, 2018)

I guess my question should be more specific as I think all reasonable people agree that respectful people are not the issue.

But when derogatory remarks are made when sitting on the other sides half and the team manager gets the offenders manager what is the correct response?
1. You can stay here if you keep quiet.(yes a manger recently said this after the derogatory remarks were made).
2. You can stay here as long as your derogatory remarks are not directly to the other team’s parents (yes I have had an AR tell me this when asked to remove a known bad parent before the game started).
3. Just move on the other side of the corner flag and you can do what you want including coaching (yes a manager said this).
4. Yelling cross, watch #14, pass it to x, watch offsides, push up etc is not coaching and therefore is allowed. ( parents and managers said this was ok because everyone does it).


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## Nefutous (Jul 9, 2018)

For the record I have had some very enjoyable conversations with parents that have sat on our side. It is all about the attitude.


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## LASTMAN14 (Jul 9, 2018)

Ty


Nefutous said:


> Thinking about this post, when is it ever allowed to sit behind the goal? In fact when is it even allowed to sit anywhere between the corner flag and goal?  Unless you mean that you are 20 feet away and up a hill????  Just curious on whether this is a rule or a custom. Refs seem to be all over the board on this issue.


Typically it’s not. But it’s where you position yourself and if you remain quiet. It also depends upon the facility. Silver Lakes, Galway Downs, So Cal Complex are very good locations to sit behind the nets as those are used for foot traffic. Therfore you do go unnoticed. I also sit about 15 yards off the end line at an angle near the corner post.


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## ChrisD (Jul 9, 2018)

I film all of our games , Ive done hundreds of them.  I have filmed on coaches sides and parents sides.  Personally I prefer coaches sides because parents are out of control.  
The losing parents (about 70% of the time) are louder and more vocal .
The winning parents (about 20% of the time) are obnoxious sometimes.  Maybe their just overly excited , lets call it that.
Ive never have had a ref ask me to move, and I always ask coaches if I can be on their side due to sun facing camera.....no one has ever said no, but then again Im filming and Im quiet (80% of the time)
I film other games when people ask.....hit me up if you need a game (my plug) as a hobby and see all types of parents in the OC/LA area and no matter what city, what club, etc.........  *We are all a bit loud*,
 and when you hear yourself on the video, that tends to cure the loud parents because they get embarrassed because the camera picks up everything....
I personally delete the negative from my games , because I dont want my son reliving negative situations like parents fighting, coaches cursing, etc......red cards stay but if its a fight or something not suitable for a 10 yr old its gone.....

Its common courtesy really, Ive seen people get upset because the ref asked them to move back from the sideline, or because other parents asked them to sit on their own team side....
I believe that if you come into the situation already gunning for a fight its ugly from the start ,.... but if a parent just kindly ask me to move, and Im in their space or side, 100% Im gonna move because its their team side and Im not on that team.....period.

There are some unruly parents, but the ratio is small, alot of us know the game and really look forward to watching our kids play a beautiful sport!!  Dont let some bad apples ruin your Saturday.........


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## Surfref (Jul 9, 2018)

Nefutous said:


> Thinking about this post, when is it ever allowed to sit behind the goal? In fact when is it even allowed to sit anywhere between the corner flag and goal?  Unless you mean that you are 20 feet away and up a hill????  Just curious on whether this is a rule or a custom. Refs seem to be all over the board on this issue.


Unless the gaming rules say otherwise, I don't care if you sit behind the goal line as long as you are at least a reasonable distance (10 yards) back. Now, if someone behind the goal is annoying or coaching the keeper then I will move them.  Most big tournaments have a steady stream of people walking behind the goal line, teams warming up and spectators watching the game.  It is normally not a big deal.


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## jrcaesar (Jul 9, 2018)

AYSO's gaming rules are specific about not allowing spectators behind the goals; I don't recall seeing any such rules in CSL or SCDSL (only which sidelines teams/parents should take).


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## Nefutous (Jul 19, 2018)

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/18/sports/referee-parents-abuse-videos.html

Great article about a ref shaming bad parents.


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## younothat (Jul 19, 2018)

Nefutous said:


> https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/18/sports/referee-parents-abuse-videos.html
> 
> Great article about a ref shaming bad parents.


$100 reward for videos of parents behaving poorly towards refs at youth soccer games.   Wonder if he might run out of $$ soon since this has gone mainstream.


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## espola (Jul 19, 2018)

younothat said:


> $100 reward for videos of parents behaving poorly towards refs at youth soccer games.   Wonder if he might run out of $$ soon since this has gone mainstream.


Most of the videos are about how great he is for doing this; very little action.


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## Surfref (Jul 19, 2018)

Nefutous said:


> https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/18/sports/referee-parents-abuse-videos.html
> Great article about a ref shaming bad parents.


I am in complete support of what this guy is doing with his Facebook page. Cal South and all clubs have a coach and parent code of conduct that is rarely followed.  If clubs would hold the few unruly parents accountable for their inappropriate behavior, we would not have parents yelling at the referees.  The even fewer coaches, that most referees know, that yell non-stop at the referees should be sanctioned by their clubs.  I was glad to hear at a referee training session a couple months ago that Cal South does not want us to put up with any of the inappropriate comments and deal with the coaches and parents early.  I had a coach this past weekend that was a complete douche bag and had to go through the Ask and Tell process before he would shut up.  The Tell consisted of me saying, "Please coach, I do not want to hear any comments about the referee crews performance.  The last thing I want to do is throw you out of the game and end the game.  The only ones that would hurt are your players that are working hard to maintain their one goal lead."  I think what made it sink in for the coach was one of his players (U14 girl) said, "If he throws you out do we lose even though we are winning?"

Parents and coaches just need to do their job, Parents cheer and coaches coach.


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## Nefutous (Jul 19, 2018)

younothat said:


> $100 reward for videos of parents behaving poorly towards refs at youth soccer games.   Wonder if he might run out of $$ soon since this has gone mainstream.


I thought of that too. I have enough video just from the last 2 weekends to pay for the summer tournaments. But he is selective on which videos he posts.


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## foreveryoung (Jul 19, 2018)

The yelling and constant questioning of the referees is completely out of control.  I can't believe how much it is allowed to go on.  At kids sporting events, it should not be allowed at all.  Parents act like it's the world cup final when it's just another kid soccer game.  One of the sidelines this past weekend was especially horrific.  Not only were they screaming about the refereeing constantly but they were also criticizing the kids.  And they were winning! It was so awful I seriously questioned why I am allowing my kid to be a part of this environment at all.


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## Fact (Jul 19, 2018)

espola said:


> Most of the videos are about how great he is for doing this; very little action.


E- You are always half empty . . . explains a lot, especially your politics.


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## MijoPlumber (Jul 21, 2018)

Some of those refs need to be told they are wrong and they need to stop listening to the parents on the other team before they make their calls. I agree it is getting worse. Especially those refs in Norco and Temecula.


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Jul 21, 2018)

Fact said:


> E- You are always half empty . . . explains a lot, especially your politics.


Damn, we almost got away with ignoring another troll espola comment, but we had to acknowledge his existence lol.


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Jul 21, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Some of those refs need to be told they are wrong and they need to stop listening to the parents on the other team before they make their calls. I agree it is getting worse. Especially those refs in Norco and Temecula.


I will be the first to admit that there are some refs that don't do themselves any favors. But taking it upon yourself to attempt to publically humiliate another human being does absolutely nothing positive.
*1: *It teaches your kids a lack of respect for authority. You think your kids will always have great bosses? Why don't you just teach your kid "If you have a bad boss, fuck him, and tell it to his face". It does not matter if authority is wielding its power ineffectively, Authority is authority, and you will not get far in life if you throw a temper tantrum everytime you think you could have done something better than your boss.
*2:* It teaches your children to "tilt" when faced with adversity. Harassing the referee just takes your kids focus off soccer. Instead of trying to win, some kids become more obsessed with counting how many fouls the ref calls against them. I see it all the time. You think they can mentally stew on referees mistakes and then be able to track the man he is supposed to be marking from his peripheral vision while making a heads up counterattack? No.
*3*: The bad referee is just going to view himself as a martyr and become further set in his ways. If a referee is ever going to be told he did a bad job, it will most likely be by one of his peers and it most certainly will* not* be said in public. The last person a referee will ever have an "aha" moment from is a pissed off parent.
*4:* It detracts from being able to enjoy potentially good game. Self explanatory.
*5:* It makes you look like a child. No seriously. Search "bad referee" or any other derivation in YouTube and find me a video where the parents comes off as looking better than the referee. There isn't one. Even when the referee completely missed an obvious call, somehow the parents always look like more of a whiny ass.

I have never seen a referee make a call just because the other teams asks for it. It may seem that way because 1: there is actually a literal amount of time it takes to physically bring the whistle to the mouth (jesus parents). 2: Referees are waiting for advantage 3. The referee has no clue what happened and is looking for clues and is replaying the play in his head 4. He is human and is trying to remember which way red is attacking this half.

Calm down, cheer or shut up, and watch the game.


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## Nefutous (Jul 21, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> I will be the first to admit that there are some refs that don't do themselves any favors. But taking it upon yourself to attempt to publically humiliate another human being does absolutely nothing positive.
> *1: *It teaches your kids a lack of respect for authority. You think your kids will always have great bosses? Why don't you just teach your kid "If you have a bad boss, fuck him, and tell it to his face". It does not matter if authority is wielding its power ineffectively, Authority is authority, and you will not get far in life if you throw a temper tantrum everytime you think you could have done something better than your boss.
> *2:* It teaches your children to "tilt" when faced with adversity. Harassing the referee just takes your kids focus off soccer. Instead of trying to win, some kids become more obsessed with counting how many fouls the ref calls against them. I see it all the time. You think they can mentally stew on referees mistakes and then be able to track the man he is supposed to be marking from his peripheral vision while making a heads up counterattack? No.
> *3*: The bad referee is just going to view himself as a martyr and become further set in his ways. If a referee is ever going to be told he did a bad job, it will most likely be by one of his peers and it most certainly will* not* be said in public. The last person a referee will ever have an "aha" moment from is a pissed off parent.
> ...


I was going to print this out and hand it to a few parents I know on the sidelines but then I thought twice due to the language you use in #1. Do you think you can republish a PG version?


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## timbuck (Jul 21, 2018)

Today at an 08 or 07 game.
Dad is behind the field up on a wall about 6 feet up. He was on the wall and crouching so as to go unnoticed (I would guess).  It appeared that his daughter was in goal because he was barking instructions at her all game.


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Jul 21, 2018)

Nefutous said:


> I was going to print this out and hand it to a few parents I know on the sidelines but then I thought twice due to the language you use in #1. Do you think you can republish a PG version?


I will be the first to admit that there are some refs that don't do themselves any favors. But taking it upon yourself to attempt to publically humiliate another human being does absolutely nothing positive.
*1: *It teaches your kids a lack of respect for authority. You think your kids will always have great bosses? Why don't you just teach your kid "If you have a bad boss, screw him, and tell it to his face". It does not matter if authority is wielding its power ineffectively, Authority is authority, and you will not get far in life if you throw a temper tantrum everytime you think you could have done something better than your boss.
*2:* It teaches your children to "tilt" when faced with adversity. Harassing the referee just takes your kids focus off soccer. Instead of trying to win, some kids become more obsessed with counting how many fouls the ref calls against them. I see it all the time. You think they can mentally stew on referees mistakes and then be able to track the man he is supposed to be marking from his peripheral vision while making a heads up counterattack? No.
*3*: The bad referee is just going to view himself as a martyr and become further set in his ways. If a referee is ever going to be told he did a bad job, it will most likely be by one of his peers and it most certainly will* not* be said in public. The last person a referee will ever have an "aha" moment from is a pissed off parent.
*4:* It detracts from being able to enjoy potentially good game. Self explanatory.
*5:* It makes you look like a child. No seriously. Search "bad referee" or any other derivation in YouTube and find me a video where the parents comes off as looking better than the referee. There isn't one. Even when the referee completely missed an obvious call, somehow the parents always look like more awful and whiny.

I have never seen a referee make a call just because the other teams asks for it. It may seem that way because 1: there is actually a literal amount of time it takes to physically bring the whistle to the mouth (jesus parents). 2: Referees are waiting for advantage 3. The referee has no clue what happened and is looking for clues and is replaying the play in his head 4. He is human and is trying to remember which way red is attacking this half.

Calm down, cheer or shut up, and watch the game.


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## OrangeCountyDad (Jul 21, 2018)

if you want to see bad behavior, go to the HB Sand Soccer tournament.


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## timbuck (Jul 21, 2018)

OrangeCountyDad said:


> if you want to see bad behavior, go to the HB Sand Soccer tournament.


Truth!!!!  Something about the sand and the sun makes people lose it a little faster.


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## MijoPlumber (Jul 21, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> I will be the first to admit that there are some refs that don't do themselves any favors. But taking it upon yourself to attempt to publically humiliate another human being does absolutely nothing positive.
> *1: *It teaches your kids a lack of respect for authority. You think your kids will always have great bosses? Why don't you just teach your kid "If you have a bad boss, screw him, and tell it to his face". It does not matter if authority is wielding its power ineffectively, Authority is authority, and you will not get far in life if you throw a temper tantrum everytime you think you could have done something better than your boss.
> *2:* It teaches your children to "tilt" when faced with adversity. Harassing the referee just takes your kids focus off soccer. Instead of trying to win, some kids become more obsessed with counting how many fouls the ref calls against them. I see it all the time. You think they can mentally stew on referees mistakes and then be able to track the man he is supposed to be marking from his peripheral vision while making a heads up counterattack? No.
> *3*: The bad referee is just going to view himself as a martyr and become further set in his ways. If a referee is ever going to be told he did a bad job, it will most likely be by one of his peers and it most certainly will* not* be said in public. The last person a referee will ever have an "aha" moment from is a pissed off parent.
> ...


Sure. Why don’t you come down off that cross ref and face reality.  Hey it’s rough when your kid’s team plays 11 v. 12 or more.  Sucks when the ref clearly favors the other team and is like a 12th player.  We all see it and It happens all too often. 
Take a deep breadth before you go out on the field and do your job honestly.  Not for the parents but for the kids.


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Jul 22, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Sure. Why don’t you come down off that cross ref and face reality.  Hey it’s rough when your kid’s team plays 11 v. 12 or more.  Sucks when the ref clearly favors the other team and is like a 12th player.  We all see it and It happens all too often.
> Take a deep breadth before you go out on the field and do your job honestly.  Not for the parents but for the kids.


You clearly missed the point






At no point did I deny it happens, see first sentence. Also, look closer at point #3. Every single argument assumes the ref is bending you over, and yet, each point still maintains you act like an adult despite the tragic affront to human dignity that is a bad referee for 60-90 minutes.

No referee favors a team. They favor a playing style, a physicality style, a coaching style, an attitude. I have reffed the same exact way style-wise in the same day, and have had one game where both teams think I arbitrated with divine inspiration and the other game 1 team thinks I emerged from Satan's crack. I assure you, it is mostly their perception based on their playing style. I tend to only call pulling and pushing when it is significant whereas I call tripping fouls pretty tight. Enter one team that trips to challenge and another team that pulls to challenge and you have a one-sided game foul-count wise. But hey, you can keep doing the same thing and complaining because what is the definition of insanity right?

The wise team/coach/player/parent will adjust to any referee and thereby significantly improve their chances on the margin.

And don't imply that referees ever intend to do their job's dishonestly. The only thing worse than woe is me thinking is conspiracy theorists.


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## espola (Jul 22, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> You clearly missed the point
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I am sure that every game YOU refereed was fair.  You are not every referee.


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Jul 22, 2018)

espola said:


> I am sure that every game YOU refereed was fair.  You are not every referee.


All I have done in this thread so far is explain how to behave in the moment you experience what you believe to be a bad or unfair ref. (I have seen refs do a great job but some people still feel he did a terrible job)

If you want to effect change after you experience a bad referee, then follow Abraham Lincolns advice:
*"When I so pressingly urge a strict observance of all the laws, let me not be understood as saying there are no bad laws, nor that grievances may not arise...--I mean to say no such thing. But I do mean to say, that, although bad laws, if they exist, should be repealed as soon as possible, still while they continue in force, for the sake of example, they should be religiously observed...If such arise, let proper legal provisions be made for them with the least possible delay; but, till then, let them, if not too intolerable, be borne with.
There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law *(parent yelling)*. In any case that arises, as for instance, the promulgation of abolitionism, one of two positions is necessarily true; that is, the thing is right within itself, and therefore deserves the protection of all law and all good citizens; or, it is wrong, and therefore proper to be prohibited by legal enactments; and in neither case, is the interposition of mob law, either necessary, justifiable, or excusable."*
That is from his Lyceum Speech. Possibly the greatest speech written in human history.

And if you are skeptical about the formal/informal review process that referees go through, I have a different take than bald and surf ref about how effective those are.


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## espola (Jul 22, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> All I have done in this thread so far is explain how to behave in the moment you experience what you believe to be a bad or unfair ref. (I have seen refs do a great job but some people still feel he did a terrible job)
> 
> If you want to effect change after you experience a bad referee, then follow Abraham Lincolns advice:
> *"When I so pressingly urge a strict observance of all the laws, let me not be understood as saying there are no bad laws, nor that grievances may not arise...--I mean to say no such thing. But I do mean to say, that, although bad laws, if they exist, should be repealed as soon as possible, still while they continue in force, for the sake of example, they should be religiously observed...If such arise, let proper legal provisions be made for them with the least possible delay; but, till then, let them, if not too intolerable, be borne with.
> ...


I have had formal and informal discussions with referees myself.  How many times have you heard one say that he is totally fair and does the best job he can, but "That guy I worked with last month..."?


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Jul 22, 2018)

JJP said:


> And let’s face it.  There are some incredibly bad coaches and refs out there.  If some adult wants to criticize a shitty coach or ref and is willing to live with the consequences, then it’s on him or her.  I’m not getting involved to say “tut tut, that’s improper” and regulate grown men and women as if they’re children like you want to.
> I get it that you think people who say things you disagree with are the problem.  What I’m telling you is, people like you who don’t stick to their own lane are the bigger problem.


I've addressed referees, but for bad coaches. I've always thought in team games that a poor decision done as a team are almost always better than a good decision that not everyone is on the same page on. Parents trying to out-coach the coach usually end up doing more harm than good from a trying to win perspective.

Your American freedom allows you to find a new coach/team, and it also gives you the freedom to sabotage and undermine your own coach. But that is none of my business. As far as criticizing the president, we can do that, but we aren't sending additional orders to our troops that may confuse them. That's what you do when you try to coach the kids with your proximity. If you did the same thing to the troops as you do to your kids, that is at worst treason, and at best interfering, so still illegal.

Criticize the coach after the game, not during it. Criticize the president after his decisions, meanwhile you carry them out in the moment.


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Jul 22, 2018)

espola said:


> I have had formal and informal discussions with referees myself.  How many times have you heard one say that he is totally fair and does the best job he can, but "That guy I worked with last month..."?


I would say that "the one ref last month was bad", not unfair. And I have reffed with a guy that showed up to his game 10 minutes before with alcohol on his breath (adult game though). The players definitely noticed it, but I thought the way he reffed that day was actually an improvement on his usual performance.

The formal/informal process is all the refs generally know how each of their peers are as a ref. The consistently bad ones are recognized as such and are assigned to the lower level games. My apologies to the teams that have to experience them, but if we had more refs we could replace the bad refs instead of just shunt them sideways.

If a parent goes to the referee tent and tells the assignor "That referee could not manage/handle/control that game" and that is all they say. Do it. An individual complaint might not do much, but if an assignor is consistently getting complaints aabout the same ref from different people, it will definitely effect his perception from his assignor. And that is kind of the last thing we want as a referee.


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## outside! (Jul 23, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> but if we had more refs we could replace the bad refs instead of just shunt them sideways.


SD County seems to have a surplus of youth referees. My son has not been able to get any games assigned to him this summer.


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## baldref (Jul 23, 2018)

outside! said:


> SD County seems to have a surplus of youth referees. My son has not been able to get any games assigned to him this summer.


That shouldn’t be. If he wants to work and wants to learn, he needs games. There are several assignors that you should email directly and they will make sure he gets to work and learn.


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## Surfref (Jul 23, 2018)

outside! said:


> SD County seems to have a surplus of youth referees. My son has not been able to get any games assigned to him this summer.


I agree with Baldref.  He should be getting games. Between the two main referee associations in San Diego there should be enough opportunities to referee.  There are tournaments every weekend for the remainder of the summer.  Baldy and I get emails from the San Diego assigners multiple times a week who are looking for referees of all skill levels. SDCSRA also has ELRP which mentors new referees during 9v9 games and is a great program with top referees in the center and as mentors.

PM, Baldref and I.  We can give you contacts.


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## MijoPlumber (Jul 25, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> I will be the first to admit that there are some refs that don't do themselves any favors. But taking it upon yourself to attempt to publically humiliate another human being does absolutely nothing positive.
> *1: *It teaches your kids a lack of respect for authority. You think your kids will always have great bosses? Why don't you just teach your kid "If you have a bad boss, fuck him, and tell it to his face". It does not matter if authority is wielding its power ineffectively, Authority is authority, and you will not get far in life if you throw a temper tantrum everytime you think you could have done something better than your boss.
> *2:* It teaches your children to "tilt" when faced with adversity. Harassing the referee just takes your kids focus off soccer. Instead of trying to win, some kids become more obsessed with counting how many fouls the ref calls against them. I see it all the time. You think they can mentally stew on referees mistakes and then be able to track the man he is supposed to be marking from his peripheral vision while making a heads up counterattack? No.
> *3*: The bad referee is just going to view himself as a martyr and become further set in his ways. If a referee is ever going to be told he did a bad job, it will most likely be by one of his peers and it most certainly will* not* be said in public. The last person a referee will ever have an "aha" moment from is a pissed off parent.
> ...


Hey Mijo, I believe you are sincere and know a lot of good refs.  We all see the other type too often. How many times have we seen a ref making bad calls only to find out he has a niece or friend of a family member on the team or make it obvious they are amigos with parents on one of the teams. Bad calls, free kicks, extra minutes.  Not fair to the players.


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## JoeZ (Jul 25, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I think that most parents go into games with good intentions.
> But then their kid gets roughed up a bit and it all goes to hell.
> Or they overhear a parent from another team say something slightly disparaging about a kid.
> "Push her BACK!!!!!."  "Don't let her push you."   "Honey, dont you dare push my kid again"  (I've heard all of these several times this Spring -  Girls u14 games).
> ...


There are teams in particular with parents who behave badly. What influences or drives the behaviors?  Either their coach is embarrassed by it or approves of it. In these cases probably the coaches covertly like it but pretend not to and would not condone if questioned. I’m referring to those teams we all experience where the parents act like the are cheering on a fight in a prison vs a youth sport. Sometimes followed by loud comments and even threats of violence. Some even look like they just got out of prison or on some type of weekend leave.  Bad environment for everyone concerned.


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## baldref (Jul 26, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Hey Mijo, I believe you are sincere and know a lot of good refs.  We all see the other type too often. How many times have we seen a ref making bad calls only to find out he has a niece or friend of a family member on the team or make it obvious they are amigos with parents on one of the teams. Bad calls, free kicks, extra minutes.  Not fair to the players.


garbage


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## Justafan (Jul 26, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Hey Mijo, I believe you are sincere and know a lot of good refs.  We all see the other type too often. How many times have we seen a ref making bad calls only to find out he has a niece or friend of a family member on the team or make it obvious they are amigos with parents on one of the teams. Bad calls, free kicks, extra minutes.  Not fair to the players.


Never seen it and my dd’s are 04’s, so they’ve played roughly 360 games (approx. 60 games/yr for 6 years).


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## Justafan (Jul 26, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Hey Mijo, I believe you are sincere and know a lot of good refs.  We all see the other type too often. How many times have we seen a ref making bad calls only to find out he has a niece or friend of a family member on the team or make it obvious they are amigos with parents on one of the teams. Bad calls, free kicks, extra minutes.  Not fair to the players.


Although I have seen losing parents complain about it, I have never seen it.


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## Surfref (Jul 26, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Hey Mijo, I believe you are sincere and know a lot of good refs.  We all see the other type too often. How many times have we seen a ref making bad calls only to find out he has a niece or friend of a family member on the team or make it obvious they are amigos with parents on one of the teams. Bad calls, free kicks, extra minutes.  Not fair to the players.


I suppose you also believe there is a secret alien base under Antarctica and aliens control the governments of the world.  I referee games almost every weekend where I know at least one of the coaches and some of the parents. By your logic, I make calls/no calls based on my friendships.  You could ask those coaches and they would all tell you that I am impartial and my friendships do not hold any weight when deciding what fouls to call or how much time to add.  I have even thrown a coach, longtime friend, out of a game and then had beers with him a few day later. None of the referees, that also know numerous coaches and parents, I know would base their calls on a friendship with a coach or parent.  You are probably one of those parents on the sideline that yell, "ref stop being a homer" or "hometown ref."  You may have even been that parent at OCGP a few weeks ago that got sent to the parking lot for yelling, "F*$king hometown OC ref calling everything for Slammers."  Little did the parent know that I am from San Diego and not OC.


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## Eagle33 (Jul 26, 2018)

Surfref said:


> I suppose you also believe there is a secret alien base under Antarctica and aliens control the governments of the world.  I referee games almost every weekend where I know at least one of the coaches and some of the parents. By your logic, I make calls/no calls based on my friendships.  You could ask those coaches and they would all tell you that I am impartial and my friendships do not hold any weight when deciding what fouls to call or how much time to add.  I have even thrown a coach, longtime friend, out of a game and then had beers with him a few day later. None of the referees, that also know numerous coaches and parents, I know would base their calls on a friendship with a coach or parent.  You are probably one of those parents on the sideline that yell, "ref stop being a homer" or "hometown ref."  You may have even been that parent at OCGP a few weeks ago that got sent to the parking lot for yelling, "F*$king hometown OC ref calling everything for Slammers."  Little did the parent know that I am from San Diego and not OC.


I would think that it has to be the most embarrassing thing for the kid to see his/her parent being kicked off the game.


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## outside! (Jul 26, 2018)

Surfref said:


> there is a secret alien base under Antarctica and aliens control the governments of the world.


That explains so much.


----------



## LASTMAN14 (Jul 26, 2018)

outside! said:


> That explains so much.


Maybe the X-Files was true. Dang, Mulder and Scully were on to something.


----------



## baldref (Jul 26, 2018)

Eagle33 said:


> I would think that it has to be the most embarrassing thing for the kid to see his/her parent being kicked off the game.


You would think the parent would be embarrassed too
But alas, usually not the case. I’ve had parents want to box on the field after a u13 game. I have given up trying to figure some people out


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## Surfref (Jul 26, 2018)

outside! said:


> That explains so much.


I heard the aliens have orange skin


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Jul 26, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Hey Mijo, I believe you are sincere and know a lot of good refs.  We all see the other type too often. How many times have we seen a ref making bad calls only to find out he has a niece or friend of a family member on the team or make it obvious they are amigos with parents on one of the teams. Bad calls, free kicks, extra minutes.  Not fair to the players.









Pobrecito. Yeah strange, its almost like parents that are friendly and respectful of authority seem to do weird things like "talk to the referee" and "make him smile"... suspicious wankers.


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## Justafan (Jul 26, 2018)

JoeZ said:


> Some even look like they just got out of prison or on some type of weekend leave.


I like it, keep it “interesante.”


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## *GOBEARGO* (Jul 26, 2018)

Surfref said:


> I heard the aliens have orange skin


Or really thin skin.


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## MijoPlumber (Jul 26, 2018)

Surfref said:


> I suppose you also believe there is a secret alien base under Antarctica and aliens control the governments of the world.  I referee games almost every weekend where I know at least one of the coaches and some of the parents. By your logic, I make calls/no calls based on my friendships.  You could ask those coaches and they would all tell you that I am impartial and my friendships do not hold any weight when deciding what fouls to call or how much time to add.  I have even thrown a coach, longtime friend, out of a game and then had beers with him a few day later. None of the referees, that also know numerous coaches and parents, I know would base their calls on a friendship with a coach or parent.  You are probably one of those parents on the sideline that yell, "ref stop being a homer" or "hometown ref."  You may have even been that parent at OCGP a few weeks ago that got sent to the parking lot for yelling, "F*$king hometown OC ref calling everything for Slammers."  Little did the parent know that I am from San Diego and not OC.


Hey Mijo. Nope not me! That must have been those aliens you were referring to. You have a galactic imagination. Maybe you are seeing things on the field as well. 

Let’s be clear we see it happen on a regular basis.  
Of the 40-50 games my Mija plays per year I would say at least 10 have horrendous caca de toro referees. Agree some refs and coaches do know each other and clearly some hate each other and some support each other, it’s obvious. 

At a game in Norco  the center ref was related do one of the players. They called her aunt and the AR was also related! Same situation in Temecula. What a joke! 

Your denial this CACA happens shows all of us how blind you choose to be of the facts.


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## MijoPlumber (Jul 26, 2018)

Eagle33 said:


> I would think that it has to be the most embarrassing thing for the kid to see his/her parent being kicked off the game.


Mijo, Agree and they look like idiots! 
That is no excuse for bad refereeing. Maybe all you honorable refs should get on the bad refs to step up or get out.


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## baldref (Jul 26, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Mijo, Agree and they look like idiots!
> That is no excuse for bad refereeing. Maybe all you honorable refs should get on the bad refs to step up or get out.


I’d rather get the insane parents out

Get out


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## MijoPlumber (Jul 26, 2018)

baldref said:


> I’d rather get the insane parents out
> 
> Get out


Mijo, I believe you really do care whether the game is managed fair and impartial.  You seem to be one of the honorable people and I would it want to be out there getting yelled at needlessly either.

I too would like to see the insane out of control parents shut up. They detract from the game and annoy everyone. 

Maybe leagues should institute new policy on parent behavior and fine offending teams.


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## outside! (Jul 26, 2018)

MijoPlumber,

I have been videoing both of my kids games for over 5 years now. I am able to go frame by frame on a large monitor. I used to spend a lot of time reviewing "questionable" calls. I found that most of the time, the ref was either absolutely correct, or that it was a close enough call that I could see that the ref made the best call possible in real time without VAR. I have also seen some bad calls, but not as many as you would think. As your player gets older, and if she plays at a higher level, the quality of the referees will get better.


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## Surfref (Jul 26, 2018)

outside! said:


> MijoPlumber,
> 
> I have been videoing both of my kids games for over 5 years now. I am able to go frame by frame on a large monitor. I used to spend a lot of time reviewing "questionable" calls. I found that most of the time, the ref was either absolutely correct, or that it was a close enough call that I could see that the ref made the best call possible in real time without VAR. I have also seen some bad calls, but not as many as you would think. As your player gets older, and if she plays at a higher level, the quality of the referees will get better.


{sarcasm alert} That means you have a lot of video of me making all of the calls in favor of your son and daughter’s teams since I know you.


----------



## Surfref (Jul 26, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Hey Mijo. Nope not me! That must have been those aliens you were referring to. You have a galactic imagination. Maybe you are seeing things on the field as well.
> 
> Let’s be clear we see it happen on a regular basis.
> Of the 40-50 games my Mija plays per year I would say at least 10 have horrendous caca de toro referees. Agree some refs and coaches do know each other and clearly some hate each other and some support each other, it’s obvious.
> ...


Referees are not supposed to referee a game played by a relative of theirs.  The referee should have contacted their assigner and got the assignment changed as soon as they realized they would be refereeing a family member.

I am not saying that there are subpar referees out there, but most of the referees do a good job. Most referees don’t care who wins or loses.


----------



## LASTMAN14 (Jul 26, 2018)

Surfref said:


> Referees are not supposed to referee a game played by a relative of theirs.  The referee should have contacted their assigner and got the assignment changed as soon as they realized they would be refereeing a family member.
> 
> I am not saying that there are subpar referees out there, but most of the referees do a good job. Most referees don’t care who wins or loses.


Surfref, I don’t  feel you owe this poster an explanation. Keep officiating, running, and drinking good beer.


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## Surfref (Jul 26, 2018)

Let’s try that again.....I am not saying that there are *not* subpar referees out there, but most of the referees do a good job.  Most referees don’t care who wins or loses.


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## MijoPlumber (Jul 26, 2018)

outside! said:


> MijoPlumber,
> 
> I have been videoing both of my kids games for over 5 years now. I am able to go frame by frame on a large monitor. I used to spend a lot of time reviewing "questionable" calls. I found that most of the time, the ref was either absolutely correct, or that it was a close enough call that I could see that the ref made the best call possible in real time without VAR. I have also seen some bad calls, but not as many as you would think. As your player gets older, and if she plays at a higher level, the quality of the referees will get better.


Mijo, I video as well having to go through multiple times editing. I would like to believe what you said however even ECNL games when played on one particular home field it is a joke. Just a fact there are some really biased people out there and they are pathetic. I would rather my Mija play down 9 v. 11 than 11 v. 12.   It kills the confidence of the players when the ref is the other team’s 12th player.  

Again Mijo, doesn’t justify bad parent behavior!


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## Frank (Jul 26, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Mijo, Agree and they look like idiots!
> That is no excuse for bad refereeing. Maybe all you honorable refs should get on the bad refs to step up or get out.


I recommend you get out there and show us how it is done.  There is always the need for quality refs.


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## original805 (Jul 27, 2018)

All i can say is we went to nationals and the refs had to qualify through state and regionals to be there and wow what a difference.  The quality of refs referring your games makes a huge difference.


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Jul 27, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Hey Mijo. Let’s be clear we see it happen on a regular basis.
> Of the 40-50 games my Mija plays per year I would say at least 10 have horrendous caca de toro referees. Agree some refs and coaches do know each other and clearly some hate each other and some support each other, it’s obvious... Your denial this CACA happens shows all of us how blind you choose to be of the facts.


I think the mental block is that you don't believe that I believe that there are bad referees. Let me put this a different way. I'm goin to categorize the referees and assign a rough percentage to each type of referee based on my years of experience.

*Category* *A *(*10%*): This is a good ref doing a good job that both team think is doing a good job -​                     (A good referee is one that gets over 95% of the calls right and gets 100% of the major match incidents right). (CLARIFICATION: There are a large amount of calls that can be  called either way and still be justified under the laws. A refs "correct" call falls in this allowable range).
*Category* *B (15%)*: This is a good referee doing a good job that one of the teams think is doing a terrible or subpar job ​                      (The typical reason parents would be mad at a good referee is lack of knowledge of the laws. Other reasons include different styles of soccer or "he made us lose").
*Category* *C (50%)*: This is an average referee that gets 80-95% of calls right. They usually lack in one way or another aside from knowledge of the game.​                      (They can fall short slightly in fitness, experience, confidence, or nuance. These are the referees that Bald, surf, and I try to protect. They have potential and are doing the best  job they can. They get major calls right, they just need to learn how to "sell" their calls better. Sometimes they give out cards when a better ref could have used his persona. They have trouble dealing with "personalities" and let games get a little wild because of this. They are still getting most calls right. A referee "letting a game get out of control" is usually not lack of foul recognition, but just an inability to assert his authority.
*Category* *D*: This is an average referee that misses a major match incident. (*5%*)​                      They are told after the game by their peers because they are open to criticism and feel bad they missed it. It is usually lack of experience or courage/confidence to make the right call that makes them  swallow their whistle. Everyone has a bad day occasionally.
*Category E*: This is a bad referee (*15%*)​                      They are either too new or young or old or fat. Maybe they don't have a full grasp of the laws or tunnel vision hard. They still try to be fair and have fun reffing.
*Category F*: These are (borderline) evil referees. (*5%*) (probably less though)​                     Refereeing can attract a certain clientele. These are guys (almost always) whose wives or children or parents don't listen to them at home but now they are the center authority and you have to do what they say. These guys go on a power trip on the field and feed off your helpless whines and tears that are futile because you have to accept their decisions. Be glad that these people only chose refereeing as their outlet to dominate. Unfortunately, they almost never go too far with their power trip to do something that would warrant a revocation of their license. They only never get caught because parents whine too much about Categories B-E.


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## MijoPlumber (Jul 27, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> I think the mental block is that you don't believe that I believe that there are bad referees. Let me put this a different way. I'm goin to categorize the referees and assign a rough percentage to each type of referee based on my years of experience.
> 
> *Category* *A *(*10%*): This is a good ref doing a good job that both team think is doing a good job -​                     (A good referee is one that gets over 95% of the calls right and gets 100% of the major match incidents right). (CLARIFICATION: There are a large amount of calls that can be  called either way and still be justified under the laws. A refs "correct" call falls in this allowable range).
> *Category* *B (15%)*: This is a good referee doing a good job that one of the teams think is doing a terrible or subpar job ​                      (The typical reason parents would be mad at a good referee is lack of knowledge of the laws. Other reasons include different styles of soccer or "he made us lose").
> ...


Thank you Mijo,
Hey I think most of us really appreciate our referees and most are good people. There is no excuse for any chili in the eye talk for any parents. Most know saying nothing works better at least doesn’t make it worse. 

You didn’t mention, category G - Friends and family.


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## jrcaesar (Jul 27, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> *Category* *A *(*10%*): This is a good ref doing a good job that both team think is doing a good job - (A good referee is one that gets over 95% of the calls right and gets 100% of the major match incidents right). (CLARIFICATION: There are a large amount of calls that can be called either way and still be justified under the laws. A refs "correct" call falls in this allowable range).


For every 100 games that you've seen, only 10 times have you seen a good referee doing a good job? What area are you in where 90% of the youth games refereed are subpar?


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## MijoPlumber (Jul 27, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> Thank you Mijo,
> Hey I think most of us really appreciate our referees and most are good people.
> 
> You didn’t mention, category G - Friends and family.


Sorry for typo : There is no excuse for any chili in the eye talk from any parents. Most know saying nothing works better at least doesn’t make it worse.


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## futboldad1 (Jul 27, 2018)

jrcaesar said:


> For every 100 games that you've seen, only 10 times have you seen a good referee doing a good job? What area are you in where 90% of the youth games refereed are subpar?


That's not what he said. 25% of time ref is "good", not 10 (from their observations). Give it a re-read. Subpar he's saying is 20% not 90%.


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## Surfref (Jul 27, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> I think the mental block is that you don't believe that I believe that there are bad referees. Let me put this a different way. I'm goin to categorize the referees and assign a rough percentage to each type of referee based on my years of experience.
> 
> *Category* *A *(*10%*): This is a good ref doing a good job that both team think is doing a good job -​                     (A good referee is one that gets over 95% of the calls right and gets 100% of the major match incidents right). (CLARIFICATION: There are a large amount of calls that can be  called either way and still be justified under the laws. A refs "correct" call falls in this allowable range).
> *Category* *B (15%)*: This is a good referee doing a good job that one of the teams think is doing a terrible or subpar job ​                      (The typical reason parents would be mad at a good referee is lack of knowledge of the laws. Other reasons include different styles of soccer or "he made us lose").
> ...


I think most refs will move from category to category and usually be in category B or C but occasionally move to A or D.  They can even move between categories within a game. I had a 90 minute G18 game that I hit a physical wall at about the 75th minute and it took me a couple minutes to mentally will myself over the wall.  So, I went from an A/B to a C and back up to the A/B level.  Most refs have been an E ref at one time and try to help them.  Then there are the F refs that we all know about and try to avoid having to work with them.

The other factor is the skill of the Assistant Referees (AR).  A great ref can look like crap if the referees do not work as a team or the AR(s) are doing a poor job.


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## Definitelynotanotherref (Jul 28, 2018)

Surfref said:


> I think most refs will move from category to category and usually be in category B or C but occasionally move to A or D.  They can even move between categories within a game. I had a 90 minute G18 game that I hit a physical wall at about the 75th minute and it took me a couple minutes to mentally will myself over the wall.  So, I went from an A/B to a C and back up to the A/B level.  Most refs have been an E ref at one time and try to help them.  Then there are the F refs that we all know about and try to avoid having to work with them.
> 
> The other factor is the skill of the Assistant Referees (AR).  A great ref can look like crap if the referees do not work as a team or the AR(s) are doing a poor job.


It also depends on the age group/skill. There can be a consistently good U12-U14 ref and then he bites off a little more than he can chew when going up to a U16 game. Part of the learning process.

Also keep in mind that for us the "average" ref getting 85% of the calls right. That means they miss 15% of calls which usually amounts to 7-10 missed calls in a game (non match critical). To a biased parent on a close game - (2-1) or (3-3) stuff like that - missing 10 calls may seem like the end of the world (OMG its 11v12) and they may confuse them with a category E. I've seen parents tilt from just 3 missed calls in the Middle of the field,, and that is entering "good" ref status.


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## jrcaesar (Jul 28, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> Also keep in mind that for us the "average" ref getting 85% of the calls right. That means they miss 15% of calls which usually amounts to 7-10 missed calls in a game (non match critical).


I think the A-E poster has introduced some confusing ratings. For Def's post above, are the 7-10 really *missed calls *or, being non-match critical, are they literally the definition of a *trifling foul* for which the game should not be stopped?


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## baldref (Jul 28, 2018)

A good referee is one who manages the game and stays the hell out of the way. Try your best not to be involved unless the players need or want you involved. 
Players dictate how much you have to do. Sometimes it’s more than others but a good referee tries to stay out of the way. 
I don’t know what percentage that is.

What I do know is that the percentage of referees who are biased to one team or the other is very very small. Not 10 out of 50 games like was inferred. More like 1 out of 1000


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## jpeter (Jul 28, 2018)

Ever wonder what games would be like if parents didn't attend?   Just drop & go?

Wait that would be High School soccer for the most part, with most of our DD games prior to 5pm, going on 4 years I don't think I've attended more than a handful live not including the postseason.   Video is available and we've made some highlights but I don't recall more than 1-2 spectactors getting thrown out or in arguments in all those years, pretty chill for the most part.

My kids ask me to attend there regular games every once in a while but I know some of the friends are the opposite and don't care and some would rather not have parents around.

Never been one to watch practice either but been fortunate not to have to drive hours to get there but yeah for games could understand sticking around,  too bad no bullpens or beer gardens for the parents,  sitting on the sidelines is a distraction to the players & refs for the most part but i guess that gets them ready for the "friendly" environments later in life.

When the kids where very young they used to have silent Sundays or something like where parents could watch but not comment or talk, kids loved it, might be time to think about that once a month or whenever?


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## Surfref (Jul 28, 2018)

jpeter said:


> Ever wonder what games would be like if parents didn't attend?   Just drop & go?
> 
> Wait that would be High School soccer for the most part, with most of our DD games prior to 5pm, going on 4 years I don't think I've attended more than a handful live not including the postseason.   Video is available and we've made some highlights but I don't recall more than 1-2 spectactors getting thrown out or in arguments in all those years, pretty chill for the most part.
> 
> ...


A couple years ago I had agame between two B18 teams, that I had assessed, from south San Diego and there were no spectators allowed.  The spectators had gotten in a fight when the two teams played earlier in the fall and were banned from games.  It was awesome not having to worry about the spectators yelling.  It made the actual game easier to manage.


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## MijoPlumber (Jul 31, 2018)

Surfref said:


> A couple years ago I had agame between two B18 teams, that I had assessed, from south San Diego and there were no spectators allowed.  The spectators had gotten in a fight when the two teams played earlier in the fall and were banned from games.  It was awesome not having to worry about the spectators yelling.  It made the actual game easier to manage.


There are parents who get out of control for both my Mijo’s games and my Mija’s games.  Some people just do not get it. It’s only kids soccer. Hope it gets better when they are older in HSz


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## Frank (Aug 1, 2018)

Had a good one at Surf this weekend. I’m on my teams bench and the ref is struggling. Calls and keeping up. Our head coach is normally calm and is starting to lose it. At half they have a discussion and the ref said “sorry, I’m tired and I’m just not good today. This my 10th game in 3 days. ”.  It was odd, but was the best thing to say as we just sort of said everyone can have a bad day and calmed down.


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## Eagle33 (Aug 1, 2018)

Frank said:


> Had a good one at Surf this weekend. I’m on my teams bench and the ref is struggling. Calls and keeping up. Our head coach is normally calm and is starting to lose it. At half they have a discussion and the ref said “sorry, I’m tired and I’m just not good today. This my 10th game in 3 days. ”.  It was odd, but was the best thing to say as we just sort of said everyone can have a bad day and calmed down.


If a referee doing 10 games at Surf, assignors NOT doing a good job.


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## Surfref (Aug 1, 2018)

Eagle33 said:


> If a referee doing 10 games at Surf, assignors NOT doing a good job.


 There are referees that can easily work 10 games over a three day period.  There were some refs that worked all 5 days of Surf Cup.  I did 8 games in two days for 28.59 miles (Sat: 13.66 miles and Sun: 14.93 Garmin GPS watch) and still felt good enough to work more games on Monday if I didn't have to go to my regular job.  If a ref isn't feeling up to the job they should tell someone and be put on lines only or be replaced.


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## Surfref (Aug 1, 2018)

Eagle33 said:


> If a referee doing 10 games at Surf, assignors NOT doing a good job.


 There are referees that can easily work 10 games over a three day period.  There were some refs that worked all 5 days of Surf Cup.  I did 8 games in two days for 28.59 miles (Sat: 13.66 miles and Sun: 14.93 Garmin GPS watch) and still felt good enough to work more games on Monday if I didn't have to go to my regular job.  If a ref isn't feeling up to the job they should tell someone and be put on lines only or be replaced.


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## GunninGopher (Aug 1, 2018)

MijoPlumber said:


> There are parents who get out of control for both my Mijo’s games and my Mija’s games.  Some people just do not get it. It’s only kids soccer. Hope it gets better when they are older in HS


It won't get better. 

The further away some spectators are from the game, the worse they think the officiating is. Also, because they are in the stands, some feel entitled to should the most ignorant comments imaginable, toward not only the referees, but the players too.


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## outside! (Aug 1, 2018)

GunninGopher said:


> It won't get better.
> 
> The further away some spectators are from the game, the worse they think the officiating is. Also, because they are in the stands, some feel entitled to should the most ignorant comments imaginable, toward not only the referees, but the players too.


... and some of the ones shouting stupid things at your team's players will be parents from your team.


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## Surfref (Aug 1, 2018)

I am so glad


outside! said:


> ... and some of the ones shouting stupid things at your team's players will be parents from your team.


I suffer from 40 percent hearing loss in one ear.  It just means I cannot hear most of the ignorant stuff the parents yell when in the stands/bleachers.


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## outside! (Aug 1, 2018)

A few years ago during HS season I heard a parent yelling at my daughter (who is NOT selfish with the ball) "Pass the Ball!" as her coach was shouting at her to take her space and dribble. She listened to her coach.


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## coachsamy (Aug 1, 2018)

outside! said:


> A few years ago during HS season I heard a parent yelling at my daughter (who is NOT selfish with the ball) "Pass the Ball!" as her coach was shouting at her to take her space and dribble. She listened to her coach.


Did she made a play or lost the ball? Normally when people screams at players to pass the ball is because they tend to lose the ball... Just saying.


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## Surfref (Aug 1, 2018)

coachsamy said:


> Did she made a play or lost the ball? Normally when people screams at players to pass the ball is because they tend to lose the ball... Just saying.


His daughter is not one that would normally lose the ball.  She is the player you want to have the ball at their feet.


----------



## Sheriff Joe (Aug 1, 2018)

coachsamy said:


> Did she made a play or lost the ball? Normally when people screams at players to pass the ball is because they tend to lose the ball... Just saying.


Jou ok?


----------



## LASTMAN14 (Aug 1, 2018)

Surfref said:


> I am so glad
> 
> 
> I suffer from 40 percent hearing loss in one ear.  It just means I cannot hear most of the ignorant stuff the parents yell when in the stands/bleachers.


My wife says that’s selective hearing.


----------



## coachsamy (Aug 1, 2018)

Surfref said:


> His daughter is not one that would normally lose the ball.  She is the player you want to have the ball at their feet.


Why do people yell at her to pass the ball?


----------



## MyDaughtersAKeeper (Aug 1, 2018)

coachsamy said:


> Why do people yell at her to pass the ball?


Why do people yell at any kid?  You shouldn't yell at any kid (unless you are the coach, and even then it should be limited).  If you (whoever the "you" may be) can't attend a soccer match without yelling at kids, perhaps it is time to stay home.


----------



## coachsamy (Aug 1, 2018)

MyDaughtersAKeeper said:


> Why do people yell at any kid?  You shouldn't yell at any kid (unless you are the coach, and even then it should be limited).  If you (whoever the "you" may be) can't attend a soccer match without yelling at kids, perhaps it is time to stay home.


You will be seeing some empty games.


----------



## Definitelynotanotherref (Aug 1, 2018)

Eagle33 said:


> If a referee doing 10 games at Surf, assignors NOT doing a good job.


I did 16 games in total this weekend. I saw a 15 year old kid do 7 games in 1 day. He was originally assigned 6 and picked up 1 more from a person who said they couldn't do their 5th game in a row. Kind of insane. Not going to lie though, on Sunday when I was assigned 6 games, I was struggling on the last game AR. The 5th game I was able to get by on adrenaline because it was a close, good, game. But the 6th game was brutal.

Since I had finals on Monday, I iced my legs. Then I took a shower alternating between hot and cold and finished the shower with an Epson salt bath. Then I popped 1 Ibuprofen and threw on compression socks to wear to bed and elevated my legs on 3 pillows. Monday morning, I felt better. And then after warming up and stretching, I refereed the crap out of the finals.


----------



## outside! (Aug 1, 2018)

coachsamy said:


> Why do people yell at her to pass the ball?


"Parents from certain teams"


----------



## Surfref (Aug 2, 2018)

coachsamy said:


> Why do people yell at her to pass the ball?


Because they are morons!


----------



## Zdrone (Aug 2, 2018)

coachsamy said:


> Why do people yell at her to pass the ball?


Because *MY *Becky/John doesn't currently have the ball


----------



## MijoPlumber (Aug 2, 2018)

46n2 said:


> Wow....
> After this weekend , I was disgusted at how some parents act.
> IS THIS REAL LIFE?


Mijo, where were you?


----------



## Justafan (Aug 2, 2018)

Zdrone said:


> Because *MY *Becky/John doesn't currently have the ball


You’re goddam right, MY Becky woulda scored already.  Just pass me the damn ball!


----------



## coachsamy (Aug 6, 2018)

outside! said:


> "Parents from certain teams"


Probably the same parents of Eastlake LL!


----------



## ChrisD (Aug 6, 2018)

Just finished Surf Cup, played some notorious rude teams , still came out on top, boom.


----------



## Surfref (Aug 7, 2018)

ChrisD said:


> Just finished Surf Cup, played some notorious rude teams , still came out on top, boom.


I refereed 15 games at youngers Surf Cup this past weekend and had no issues with the spectators or coaches.  Every one was very well behaved.


----------



## RedCard (Aug 7, 2018)

Messi>CR7 said:


> I usually stand between the goal and corner flag to take photos.  I back up a few steps back if the action is coming closer to me.
> 
> I was told once by our coach that supposedly no one should be standing behind the goal lines.  But I keep my mouth shut and don't cheer at all while standing there, and no refs have ever asked me to leave.  The key is don't draw attention to yourself.


Same here. My daughter was playing at the Surf Cup this weekend and I’m the team’s unofficial photographer. I move around a lot and I do take pictures for behind the opponent’s goal area, but well off the line. Usually in a break in action, I’ll ask the AR if I’m good and they always give me a thumbs up or a nod. I never cheer and shout instructions so that helps out.

Now, as a referee, I usually clear kids playing behind the goals cause they do cause a distraction with the running and yelling, and one of them can get hurt. If someone is filming or taking pictures, as long as they are not close to the end line and don’t cause a distraction, I’m good with it.


----------



## RedCard (Aug 7, 2018)

Surfref said:


> I refereed 15 games at youngers Surf Cup this past weekend and had no issues with the spectators or coaches.  Every one was very well behaved.


The 4 games my daughter played, the referees were very good. The second or third game, the AR did flagged offside on us on a throw in which was pretty funny. The CR  immediately waved him down, so he was on it.


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## baldref (Aug 8, 2018)

Surfref said:


> I refereed 15 games at youngers Surf Cup this past weekend and had no issues with the spectators or coaches.  Every one was very well behaved.


i only had one idiot dad. some people just have to be the center of attention even when their kids are supposed to be.


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## 46n2 (Aug 8, 2018)

I saw a parent get ejected , he was volume 11 from the start, and once the score played a factor , he got progressively worst, and that energy just went thru the crowd till eventually he was asked to leave, once he did the sidelines calmed down.  When its a even score the lines seem ok, but once theres a 2 goal difference , thats when the worst in people comes out.  *All you ref's out there how offend is it demanded of you to add time ?  *Personally I try to be nice to the ref that way he doesnt hate me or my team(s).....


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## baldref (Aug 8, 2018)

46n2 said:


> I saw a parent get ejected , he was volume 11 from the start, and once the score played a factor , he got progressively worst, and that energy just went thru the crowd till eventually he was asked to leave, once he did the sidelines calmed down.  When its a even score the lines seem ok, but once theres a 2 goal difference , thats when the worst in people comes out.  *All you ref's out there how offend is it demanded of you to add time ?  *Personally I try to be nice to the ref that way he doesnt hate me or my team(s).....


Typically no time will be added in a tournament pool game. There’s just no time to add and it is stated in the tournament rules. In a tournament that leaves enough time between semis or finals then we can add time as merited. League games it all depends on the circuit and whether or not there’s time enough between games to add


----------



## LASTMAN14 (Aug 8, 2018)

Watching our girls on Monday's SC game and getting mugged every time they had the ball was quite unbearable. Despite this our girls were able to put the ball in the net. With in a short time the opposition took a wide shot on our net. Our keeper began to retrieve the ball. A random player walking by tossed the ball back to our keeper. Then a parent who was also part of the oppositions coaching staff began to bark belligerently at the ref that it was illegal for someone to hand our keeper the ball. Ref warned him of his conduct. He did not stop. Ref then tossed him from the game. This individual then just walked over to his sideline. Once again Ref warned him to leave the field or the game was forfeit then and there.


----------



## baldref (Aug 8, 2018)

LASTMAN14 said:


> Watching our girls on Monday's SC game and getting mugged every time they had the ball was quite unbearable. Despite this our girls were able to put the ball in the net. With in a short time the opposition took a wide shot on our net. Our keeper began to retrieve the ball. A random player walking by tossed the ball back to our keeper. Then a parent who was also part of the oppositions coaching staff began to bark belligerently at the ref that it was illegal for someone to hand our keeper the ball. Ref warned him of his conduct. He did not stop. Ref then tossed him from the game. This individual then just walked over to his sideline. Once again Ref warned him to leave the field our the game was forfeit then and there.


Hopefully the referee fills out the appropriate paperwork identifying the person the club and the team and the head coach. Chances are that team coach and possibly club has a very hard time getting back into surf cup.
It starts with the head coach. If he/she allows behavior like that within the team ranks, it spills over to all parents and players.


----------



## LASTMAN14 (Aug 8, 2018)

baldref said:


> Hopefully the referee fills out the appropriate paperwork identifying the person the club and the team and the head coach. Chances are that team coach and possibly club has a very hard time getting back into surf cup.
> It starts with the head coach. If he/she allows behavior like that within the team ranks, it spills over to all parents and players.


It did cross over to their sidelines. They directed all their attention to the ref at that time and after the game. One of the other coaches on the bench was also warned a few minutes later. Not sure anything will be done as this was a Surf affiliate from a small Pacific island.


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## silverback (Aug 8, 2018)

"Watching our girls on Monday's SC game and getting mugged every time they had the ball was quite unbearable."

 Ditto...It was more like rugby


----------



## myself (Aug 8, 2018)

LASTMAN14 said:


> It did cross over to their sidelines. They directed all their attention to the ref at that time and after the game. One of the other coaches on the bench was also warned a few minutes later. Not sure anything will be done as this was a Surf affiliate from a small Pacific island.


What was the final score? Schedule doesn't have it posted.


----------



## Surfref (Aug 8, 2018)

LASTMAN14 said:


> It did cross over to their sidelines. They directed all their attention to the ref at that time and after the game. One of the other coaches on the bench was also warned a few minutes later. Not sure anything will be done as this was a Surf affiliate from a small Pacific island.


Now that is unusual.  I have NEVER had any problems with coaches, spectators or players from Hawaii.  They have always been polite and respectful of the referees.  Or was that new Pacific Island Surf affiliate, Surf Guam?


----------



## LASTMAN14 (Aug 8, 2018)

myself said:


> What was the final score? Schedule doesn't have it posted.


LAGSB 1 SH 0


----------



## coachrefparent (Aug 8, 2018)

A friend told me two Surf parents (his kid's team) were given red cards.  He was disgusted.


----------



## outside! (Aug 8, 2018)

How can a parent get a red card? I thought those were only for players, whereas coaches and players are sent away.

Your friend was right to be disgusted. Parents need to STFU and watch the game.


----------



## timbuck (Aug 8, 2018)

I think I have a solution.
I hear so much misinformation from parents while watching games.  They don't know the rules.  They chirp silly stuff all game long at their team and the opponents.
I think that whoever puts on a tournament should have someone combing the sidelines in a bright orange (could be any color really) shirt.  Whenever these people hear a parent saying something that is incorrect-  they politely walk over and correct them.  They provide some education on the laws of the game.  Maybe even hand out the latest "Laws of the Game" booklet.


----------



## LASTMAN14 (Aug 8, 2018)

Surfref said:


> Now that is unusual.  I have NEVER had any problems with coaches, spectators or players from Hawaii.  They have always been polite and respectful of the referees.  Or was that new Pacific Island Surf affiliate, Surf Guam?


In truth the parents didn’t get riled till their coach was kicked out. The team was at it the whole game.


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## 46n2 (Aug 8, 2018)

they need to put parents on same side as their coach that will solve alot, two they really need to sit parent back another 5ft.  Alot of parent sit about 2-3 ft from sideline, actually I might be wrong by placing them farther away they just might yell louder. 
Question below :

*Who's louder parents* --- *Dads or Moms?*  this weekend was def the women, love ya girls but zip it! the best is physical plays its never on them but once someone checks back, all hell breaks loose.....
*Who's louder*---*Winning teams or losing teams?*  this weekend alot of bit%$'n from losing teams parents , alot.....the teams from Los Angeles area tend to be alittle over the top.


----------



## STX (Aug 8, 2018)

Surfref said:


> Now that is unusual.  I have NEVER had any problems with coaches, spectators or players from Hawaii.  They have always been polite and respectful of the referees.  Or was that new Pacific Island Surf affiliate, Surf Guam?


The only team we had problems with all weekend were also the affiliate from a small pacific island. It was also on Monday, where tensions do seem to run higher. The coaches and parents rode the ref the entire game and were incredibly rude and obnoxious, including yelling at and trying to intimidate the girls on the other team. The parents multiple times asked our parents to go meet them in the parking lot to "settle things." It was pretty bad. They did give all the glory to God at the medal ceremony, but my hunch is that God wasn't entirely pleased with being associated with their behavior. From my experience with their older teams, that behavior is typical with that particular club. 

Other than that one team, I thought the parents and coaches we played all weekend were class acts.


----------



## baldref (Aug 8, 2018)

Surfref said:


> Now that is unusual.  I have NEVER had any problems with coaches, spectators or players from Hawaii.  They have always been polite and respectful of the referees.  Or was that new Pacific Island Surf affiliate, Surf Guam?


my experience also. in fact, one year they brought little gifts for everyone and even gave it to the referees. after the game of course.....


----------



## FernandoFromNationalCity (Aug 8, 2018)

That Hawaiian team played super aggressive but I just guess that’s their style.. luckily for my daughters team they where able to adjust and come out with a 0-0 tie.. and to be honest it was getting bad but i didn’t heard any thing from that team side towards the refs..


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## baldref (Aug 8, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I think I have a solution.
> I hear so much misinformation from parents while watching games.  They don't know the rules.  They chirp silly stuff all game long at their team and the opponents.
> I think that whoever puts on a tournament should have someone combing the sidelines in a bright orange (could be any color really) shirt.  Whenever these people hear a parent saying something that is incorrect-  they politely walk over and correct them.  They provide some education on the laws of the game.  Maybe even hand out the latest "Laws of the Game" booklet.


you would need lots of orange shirts.....


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## baldref (Aug 8, 2018)

outside! said:


> How can a parent get a red card? I thought those were only for players, whereas coaches and players are sent away.
> 
> Your friend was right to be disgusted. Parents need to STFU and watch the game.


some tournaments and gaming circuits ask us to use cards on coaches and parents. I would rather not, but i just do what i'm told. i don't think surf cup uses that though.


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## LASTMAN14 (Aug 8, 2018)

baldref said:


> you would need lots of orange shirts.....


Sounds like the sideline at county jail.


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## Fact (Aug 8, 2018)

coachrefparent said:


> A friend told me two Surf parents (his kid's team) were given red cards.  He was disgusted.


When a parent is kicked out, they should be required to show ID and a log should be kept by CalSouth. A repeat offender should be banned for life from games.

My dd wanted to ref games when she turned 16 to pay for her car insurance. I never felt comfortable letting her unless I knew she would be working with one of my friends.  The game needs to be given back to the kids.  These parents that yell at refs are just sad.


----------



## outside! (Aug 8, 2018)

I know a young woman that started reffing fairly young. Her dad told me a story about going to see her first game as a CR. One of the coaches was getting mouthy and then the dad got into it with the coach. She sent them both to the parking lot. I think VERY highly of her.


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## Surfref (Aug 9, 2018)

Fact said:


> When a parent is kicked out, they should be required to show ID and a log should be kept by CalSouth. A repeat offender should be banned for life from games.
> 
> My dd wanted to ref games when she turned 16 to pay for her car insurance. I never felt comfortable letting her unless I knew she would be working with one of my friends.  The game needs to be given back to the kids.  These parents that yell at refs are just sad.


Your daughter will be fine as a 16 year old referee.  Cal South has empowered the referees to not take any BS from the spectators. There are no warnings to parents when it comes to a youth referee being yelled at.  If she was an AR on one of my games and a parent yelled at her, I would have the coach remove that parent from the sideline.  It amazes me that some parents would never yell at a 16 y/o player on the opposing team, but think it is okay to yell at a youth referee.  Any adult referee that does not protect a youth referee should have their badge taken from them and not allowed to referee.


----------



## Definitelynotanotherref (Aug 9, 2018)

timbuck said:


> I think I have a solution.
> I hear so much misinformation from parents while watching games.  They don't know the rules.  They chirp silly stuff all game long at their team and the opponents.
> I think that whoever puts on a tournament should have someone combing the sidelines in a bright orange (could be any color really) shirt.  Whenever these people hear a parent saying something that is incorrect-  they politely walk over and correct them.  They provide some education on the laws of the game.  Maybe even hand out the latest "Laws of the Game" booklet.


Early in my reffing career I considered making flash cards with answers to common gripes. Things like what is a hand ball, Snell's Law, and that birds eye view picture that shows exactly what it means for the whole ball to be over the whole line. Then I realized as I got to ref teams with more informed parents that more information doesn't stop the griping. It just gives them more ammo and adds more confusion. Either that or I learned to stop caring, hard to tell really, It's like trying to stop the Titanic from sinking with duct tape.


----------



## Definitelynotanotherref (Aug 9, 2018)

46n2 said:


> they need to put parents on same side as their coach that will solve alot, two they really need to sit parent back another 5ft.  Alot of parent sit about 2-3 ft from sideline, actually I might be wrong by placing them farther away they just might yell louder.
> Question below :
> 
> *Who's louder parents* --- *Dads or Moms?*  this weekend was def the women, love ya girls but zip it! the best is physical plays its never on them but once someone checks back, all hell breaks loose.....
> *Who's louder*---*Winning teams or losing teams?*  this weekend alot of bit%$'n from losing teams parents , alot.....the teams from Los Angeles area tend to be alittle over the top.


Parents are better off far away from their coach imo. They are like his parrots/minions that he sets loose on the referee with little accountability. Without their coach they are like lost puppies with no direction. They yell things, but aren't that sure about it, but if they have a coach backing up their hunches, they might as well been sent on a mission from God.

The only people mad about having to be on the same sideline with the other parents are the parents. Which suits me.

As for your borderline sexist/racist questions...lol.


----------



## focomoso (Aug 9, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> Snell's Law...


I'm familiar with Snell's law in physics, but what's its relation to soccer?


----------



## Definitelynotanotherref (Aug 9, 2018)

focomoso said:


> I'm familiar with Snell's law in physics, but what's its relation to soccer?


Damn, mixed up my sciences in my head. Been too long. I meant to refer to Gestalt's laws of perception especially in regards to offside. Or I could have said "basic geometry". The idea that you only need to be off by a even a few degrees to trick your mind into thinking what you are perceiving is true when it in fact, isn't.


----------



## lancer (Aug 9, 2018)

STX said:


> The only team we had problems with all weekend were also the affiliate from a small pacific island. It was also on Monday, where tensions do seem to run higher. The coaches and parents rode the ref the entire game and were incredibly rude and obnoxious, including yelling at and trying to intimidate the girls on the other team. The parents multiple times asked our parents to go meet them in the parking lot to "settle things." It was pretty bad. They did give all the glory to God at the medal ceremony, but my hunch is that God wasn't entirely pleased with being associated with their behavior. From my experience with their older teams, that behavior is typical with that particular club.


Kinda funny  I have had similar problems when I "surf" in Hawaii.


----------



## focomoso (Aug 10, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> I meant to refer to Gestalt's laws of perception especially in regards to offside.


Makes sense. I can see people ascribing patterns to the movements of players that aren't there. Especially if the pattern ends up helping out their team...


----------



## SSJSG UI (Aug 10, 2018)

Have you seen a dad took off his shirt and run on the field celebrating a win in a B2007 Bronze game?  That pissed of virtually all of the parents (even the most quiet ones) on our team.  I am a fairly hot head myself so luckily i was not there so who knows what would have happened!!  LOL


----------



## Definitelynotanotherref (Aug 11, 2018)

SSJSG UI said:


> Have you seen a dad took off his shirt and run on the field celebrating a win in a B2007 Bronze game?  That pissed of virtually all of the parents on our team.  I am a fairly hot head myself so luckily i was not there so who knows what would have happened!!  LOL


The types of "loud parents" :
*The One:* some teams have just one parent that makes all the noise. Maybe its a happy accident that all parents on one team except one are naturally quiet, but it is more likely that "The One" parent is so obnoxiously loud, that the rest of his/her parent peers either believe "The One" has it all covered.... or they are too just too embarrassed to join in and be associated with "The One". This person has usually been cursed with an obnoxiously loud/high-pitched/jarring/reverberating voice through no fault of their own, or their pleas are so obviously biased or wrong that even the parents from the same team can tell.

*The Gang:* This is a group of dads, exclusively dads (never moms), that all leave their wives and get together to watch the game in a pack. They joke around at the beginning of the game, but as the going gets tougher, their abuse gets rougher. They speak as one under the one alpha leader that leads them and they become greater as their voices and cries unite so that the heavens can hear and understand their grievances. Should it be deemed necessary, they send out one of their own to vigilantly stalk the AR to make sure he is constantly on his line and relay feedback back to the group to give them more things to complain about. Macho, macho, macho, puff your chest, maybe alcohol, and testosterone. Can also be seen jumping up and down while hugging each other like schoolgirls after their 12 year old team scores.
*
Groupthink:* They are a group of all the parents that usually have been groomed well by the coach to all speak out about the same calls in unison like sheep. If they have to sit on the opposite sideline they are lost without their beloved leader: coach. However, after enough tournaments on the opposite sideline, a new leader, the chosen one, may emerge to orchestrate the choir of aggrieved parents. As the game progresses, the leader is no longer necessary as he/she has already demonstrated what is on the agenda to complain about for that game, the sheep then carry on without the leader.
*
Don't hurt Winston: *Usually the entitled, white, I-payed-a-lot-of-money parents that are under the impression that they signed up their kid for croquet and wince loudly at the first sign of contact. Their default style of complaining is "the passive aggressive". Shouting is unbecoming, so statements like, "I guess we're not calling that today" and, "just push her back since he is not calling any of that" are the preferred method of complaining. But if one of the kids gets seriously injured with a contusion (a bruise), then shouting hysterically becomes perfectly acceptable as long as the word "lawyer" is thrown in their somewhere.
*
The rose-colored glasses:* These parents are oblivious to just how biased they actually are. Can be heard yelling "C'mon! let them play!" exactly 5 minutes after they yelled "This isn't rugby! Call something" or "Finally, he found his whistle". These are also the same parents that yell, "Call it both ways ref!" They are like the greeting cards of referee abuse.
*
Trust him, he's a ref*: This is typically a Grade 8 ref that is seemingly on the side of the referee at the beginning. He has an audience as he says things like, "actually, he got that one right" and "oh, I think he gave us the advantage there" when the referee just straight up did not think it was a foul. He garners favor so that he can seem to be objective and trusted when he finally goes, "okay, he definitely got that one wrong". Now the other parents can feel justified when they abuse the ref at the behest of the literal armchair referee who doesn't even consider that his throne on the sideline might not be the best possible angle.

I'm sure there are others that I didn't put down. I had fun creating this though, What are some other types of "Parents from Certain teams"


----------



## espola (Aug 11, 2018)

2soccerplayersmom said:


> I was told this coach that got kicked out was SH's club director. Their teams are very physical and play direct soccer. I watched one of their games next to ours and they look like they're playing rugby.  As soon as the ref made a call their parents would complain about the calls being one-sided and get loud on the sidelines, yelling at the refs.  The parents would also yell at the opposing team parents, but it starts out from under their tent and then to players and sideline. They have teams at SC every year. If your daughter is playing against this club, just make sure to wear some extra padding and bring your earplugs. They're an affiliate so I doubt Surf will do anything about it.


Then what is the point of "affiliate"?


----------



## baldref (Aug 11, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> The types of "loud parents" :
> *The One:* some teams have just one parent that makes all the noise. Maybe its a happy accident that all parents on one team except one are naturally quiet, but it is more likely that "The One" parent is so obnoxiously loud, that the rest of his/her parent peers either believe "The One" has it all covered.... or they are too just too embarrassed to join in and be associated with "The One". This person has usually been cursed with an obnoxiously loud/high-pitched/jarring/reverberating voice through no fault of their own, or their pleas are so obviously biased or wrong that even the parents from the same team can tell.
> 
> *The Gang:* This is a group of dads, exclusively dads (never moms), that all leave their wives and get together to watch the game in a pack. They joke around at the beginning of the game, but as the going gets tougher, their abuse gets rougher. They speak as one under the one alpha leader that leads them and they become greater as their voices and cries unite so that the heavens can hear and understand their grievances. Should it be deemed necessary, they send out one of their own to vigilantly stalk the AR to make sure he is constantly on his line and relay feedback back to the group to give them more things to complain about. Macho, macho, macho, puff your chest, maybe alcohol, and testosterone. Can also be seen jumping up and down while hugging each other like schoolgirls after their 12 year old team scores.
> ...


how's that creative writing class coming? are you getting good grades?


----------



## coachrefparent (Aug 11, 2018)

baldref said:


> how's that creative writing class coming? are you getting good grades?


Nope. It's definitely non-fiction, each and every weekend.


----------



## Definitelynotanotherref (Aug 11, 2018)

baldref said:


> how's that creative writing class coming? are you getting good grades?


Lol. Never taken a creative writing class in my life, but I have to write a lot for work. Besides, that is generally how I talk in real life when I go on a roll. Why pick boring words when there are more tantalizing ones out there.


----------



## Venantsyo (Aug 20, 2018)

All in all a good weekend at the Toyota tournament in Orange. Didn’t see any overly exuberant parents (well, maybe a couple) but we came across some “creative” refereeing (sometimes comical) with the 09s.


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## espola (Aug 20, 2018)

Venantsyo said:


> All in all a good weekend at the Toyota tournament in Orange. Didn’t see any overly exuberant parents (well, maybe a couple) but we came across some “creative” refereeing (sometimes comical) with the 09s.


You know we want details.


----------



## LASTMAN14 (Aug 20, 2018)

At this last weekends game the central defender for my daughters team won the ball and was carrying it past the oppositions mid-line. She was sent flying by one of the opponents players. Parents from the other team were yelling she fell over the ball. After the game this same player who committed the foul apologized for doing so to my daughters teammate. A big kudos to her.

*Side note- the ref did a great job in making sure play was kept within LOTG by keeping it tight. Otherwise this game could have gone south. As well as speaking to a particular sideline.


----------



## CaliKlines (Aug 20, 2018)

LASTMAN14 said:


> At this last weekends game the central defender for my daughters team won the ball and was carrying it past the oppositions mid-line. She was sent flying by one of the opponents players. Parents from the other team were yelling she fell over the ball. After the game this same player who committed the foul apologized for doing so to my daughters teammate.


In some cases, the players have more class than the parents. Even happens at the older age groups, and college-aged kids as well. She should be commended.


----------



## baldref (Aug 20, 2018)

espola said:


> You know we want details.


Who’s “we”?
You have a ref hating mouse in your pocket?


----------



## espola (Aug 20, 2018)

baldref said:


> Who’s “we”?
> You have a ref hating mouse in your pocket?


I don't hate refs.


----------



## Mystery Train (Aug 20, 2018)

Definitelynotanotherref said:


> Macho, macho, macho, puff your chest, maybe alcohol, and testosterone. Can also be seen jumping up and down while hugging each other like schoolgirls after their 12 year old team scores.


LOL.  priceless.  Nailed it.  



Definitelynotanotherref said:


> He has an audience as he says things like, "actually, he got that one right" and "oh, I think he gave us the advantage there" when the referee just straight up did not think it was a foul. He garners favor so that he can seem to be objective and trusted when he finally goes, "okay, he definitely got that one wrong".


Oh sh#t... I've said every one of those things...


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## socalkdg (Aug 20, 2018)

Can these parents please sit with the other parents from their team.   Nothing like having a parent from the other team tell you the rules and say that there was no intent when two girls knocked down a girl with the ball inside the penalty box.  Talk about their 30 years of refereeing thus knowing everything.  Lastly causing me to get the evil eye from the parents of the team we are guest playing for because they think this person is with us.


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## MyDaughtersAKeeper (Aug 20, 2018)

"Parents from certain teams" got into a physical altercation this weekend during a 7 v. 7 adult tournament.  Since they were parents from the same club, things may get a little awkward.


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## LASTMAN14 (Aug 20, 2018)

MyDaughtersAKeeper said:


> "Parents from certain teams" got into a physical altercation this weekend during a 7 v. 7 adult tournament.  Since they were parents from the same club, things may get a little awkward.


Was that the parent coed division?


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## 46n2 (Aug 20, 2018)

Listening to game this weekend , parents cried foul just about anytime their girls were bodied on.......but when their girls did the rough plays , they would laugh out loud and clap, total double standard.  
Also alot (more than one) moms telling the other girls from opposing team to behave and play fair , but would scream "Slide tackle her" at the top of her lungs!!


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## lafalafa (Sep 2, 2018)

Wow thought I had seen it all until today.

No skin in the game but today at NHB things went crazy after a pool game on a adjacent field.

Parent coach from the green Celtic goes after opposing coach of black uniforms team, think it was strikers or slammers and the players from the black team has to step in between the two to stop them.

Parents from defeated Green team see this & rush the field and next thing you know parents from a white uniforms try to step in and claim things down, all this why the ref crew has run off to the tournament table.  After a lot of shouting & commotion a bunch of them go over to the tournament table and the nhb people finally step in saying that the police will be coming if they don't disperse and calm down .

Parents from the white team are apparently potesting the green team & inquiring about the green teams behavior after the game and the parent coaches qualifications.   Not sure why until someone says there were tied after group play and played each other day before. 

Green team is allowed to continue on via tie breaker with parent coach and then things go sideways once again in the next round vs a different team with red cards, parents fighting or threatening each other, several ejections during green teams eventually defeat.

Never seen adults so wrapped up in a youth kids game they would act like this, crazy I tell you, when the players have more sense then the parents.


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## CaliKlines (Sep 2, 2018)

lafalafa said:


> Never seen adults so wrapped up in a youth kids game they would act like this, crazy I tell you, when the players have more sense then the parents.


That's one of the first signs of the apocalypse.


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## coachrefparent (Sep 2, 2018)

CaliKlines said:


> That's one of the first signs of the apocalypse.


 Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, _*mass hysteria!*_


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