# yelling coach



## lancer (Sep 25, 2017)

My DD played a team this weekend that had a coach that yelled at his team for the entire game.  I mean YELLED!  Not only the typical joystick commands but calling kids out by name.."what's wrong with you?"  "That's horrible!"  etc.  At one point, he smashes his water bottle on the ground, subs a player because she didn't take a shot, meets her on the sideline gets in her face, she goes behind the bench to grab water, and he goes back to add more wisdom.

Why?  Why would a coach do this?  Why would a parent let their kid play for this guy?


----------



## timbuck (Sep 25, 2017)

Unfortunately, it's pretty common. 
What age?


----------



## GunninGopher (Sep 25, 2017)

I frequently find myself asking the same question.  While I don't think the behavior described is appropriate at any age, I hope the children weren't too young.

All I can think of is that it is some combination of:

The team wins and the parents like that
The parents don't know that the coach will likely cause their child to quit the sport
The parents themselves are bully's and think that bullying young people is appropriate and effective
The parents don't know there there are many coaches that get the most out of their players while keeping things positive over 90% of the time.


----------



## LASTMAN14 (Sep 25, 2017)

timbuck said:


> Unfortunately, it's pretty common.
> What age?


And many of us know who those coaches are...


----------



## chargerfan (Sep 25, 2017)

LASTMAN14 said:


> And many of us know who those coaches are...


A couple of them hang around this forum, pretending to be parents


----------



## El Clasico (Sep 25, 2017)

They are also the same coaches that have full rosters and a waiting list of players hoping to get a spot on next years squad. It is interesting to see how here on the forum, parents make all the right choices and say the right things, but I have noticed that these parents aren't walking the walk or talking the talk. Otherwise, all coaches would be positive, there would be no scorekeeping and every team would play possession.

Oddly enough, what I see out on the pitch everyday tells me otherwise.


----------



## jpeter (Sep 25, 2017)

How about the coaches that throw things at players, yup seen that this weekend in a ussda game.   Opposing coach threw his clipboard at defender during his walk back  during halftime.   Also loudly berated his players anytime they did something he didn't like, " what are you doing this or that for"

Some coaches care way too much about winning than the players and will act out loudly like children rather than adults.  Playing out of fear instead of love is no way for children to learn and continue playing with heart.


----------



## espola (Sep 25, 2017)

lancer said:


> My DD played a team this weekend that had a coach that yelled at his team for the entire game.  I mean YELLED!  Not only the typical joystick commands but calling kids out by name.."what's wrong with you?"  "That's horrible!"  etc.  At one point, he smashes his water bottle on the ground, subs a player because she didn't take a shot, meets her on the sideline gets in her face, she goes behind the bench to grab water, and he goes back to add more wisdom.
> 
> Why?  Why would a coach do this?  Why would a parent let their kid play for this guy?


What age?


----------



## Surfref (Sep 25, 2017)

I have to keep this professional.

I get the Blues every time I go to the store because the Baker always yells at me.  The dumb people keep going back to the Baker because he wins awards for his pastries despite the yelling.

As a referee I have had to talk to several coaches over the years and remind them of the Cal South coaches ethics policy or tournament rules that state the coach will give direction to his players in a positive manner and tone.  The joystick coaches are annoying but usually positive.  They just annoy me because they will not shut up and let the players figure the game out on their own.


----------



## Keepermom2 (Sep 25, 2017)

As I just left the Vice Principal's from a meeting with a teacher that uses imitation to accomplish his goals (btw he is also one of the Varsity Football coaches), I have thought a whole lot about this issue.  Intimidation and degrading of a player should never be a course of action because that use of power or authority to force others to do what you want is called a Bully.  Having said that, the mere act of yelling does not in my book constitute intimidation.  Many times it is a coach who is extremely passionate which is also one of his traits that makes him a good coach.  As I tell my daughter, if he doesn't follow up what he is yelling about with "You suck" or the like, take it as a learning tool from a skilled passionate coach who wants to make you better and sees you can be better.   In addition, and in many situations, I have heard those passionate coaches praise with the same amount of passion.  I witnessed a coach pull off a player and talk to her for not taking a kick and then I watched her score 2  goals.  I witnessed the same coach commend his players for taking the kick even though it wasn't an accurate kick.    The fine line is what is demoralizing and what is training.  Yelling in and of itself does not automatically mean demoralizing.  What you see at a game doesn't always show the whole picture of the relationship between the coach and the player.


----------



## Mystery Train (Sep 25, 2017)

lancer said:


> "what's wrong with you?"


I heard this at a boys' game just before my kid played this weekend.  Makes my blood boil when I hear it.  That is one of the worst things a coach can yell at a player (besides using profanity and outright insults).  All that does is completely demoralize a player.  I don't care if the kid just made the dumbest decision possible on the field, yelling "What's wrong with you?" isn't going to improve anything in the slightest.  What I wouldn't give to, just once, hear a player respond, "Well, for starters, you're my coach."


----------



## soloyosh (Sep 25, 2017)

My younger son (Bo7) was on a team where the coach cussed (in Spanish) at players.  I challenged him and my boy was cut from the team as a result.  None of the other parents seemed to care.  Then the special practices started (only starters invited).  Then they started telling the non-starters that they were being subbed off because "we need our good players on the field."  The core group of parents liked winning.  As they moved into this season (9v9) they went from a squad of 12 players to a squad of 10.  They have stated that they will get 2 guest players for each game at the tournaments they go to. 

We are in a small town and this is the only team for this age group for 150 miles.

Focused on winning.


----------



## Grace T. (Sep 25, 2017)

lancer said:


> My DD played a team this weekend that had a coach that yelled at his team for the entire game.  I mean YELLED!  Not only the typical joystick commands but calling kids out by name.."what's wrong with you?"  "That's horrible!"  etc.  At one point, he smashes his water bottle on the ground, subs a player because she didn't take a shot, meets her on the sideline gets in her face, she goes behind the bench to grab water, and he goes back to add more wisdom.
> 
> Why?  Why would a coach do this?  Why would a parent let their kid play for this guy?


There's a film that explores this very question in the jazz band world and has become one of my favorite films, from the maker of "LalaLand": "Whiplash".  The film doesn't really take a position, but asks a lot of interesting questions.

Different kids are different.  A lot depends on the age, relationship, and what it is the player did well or wrong.  The trick is knowing where the line is, and that's why it's more of an art than a science.  The line will be different with different kids.  I don't really have an issue with the "that's horrible" so long as the kid is told why it's horrible.  The "what's wrong with you" is dicier because it goes to the core competence of the player and makes it about them, not the skill.  But to say no yelling, or all coaching must be positive, is also not really the way to go...sometimes kids need to be pushed. 

The best teacher I had was in 6th grade...she was a mean ol' nun.  Until then I skated by at school but she saw something in me, and pushed me.  She didn't take my excuses, she yelled at me when I made them, and made me take responsibility for my failures.  But she never called me an idiot, or a loser, or made me feel bad about myself (just for my behavior in cutting corners...she never called me lazy but was plenty clear when I was being lazy).  I hated her at the time, but I still find myself thinking about that teacher every once in a while as an adult.  She told me how the world really was, and I am what I am in part because of her.  I'm very grateful to have had someone that cared enough to push me, and to push me in a way that cared and was appropriate for my age and personality.


----------



## Keepermom2 (Sep 25, 2017)

Grace T. said:


> There's a film that explores this very question in the jazz band world and has become one of my favorite films, from the maker of "LalaLand": "Whiplash".  The film doesn't really take a position, but asks a lot of interesting questions.
> 
> Different kids are different.  A lot depends on the age, relationship, and what it is the player did well or wrong.  The trick is knowing where the line is, and that's why it's more of an art than a science.  The line will be different with different kids.  I don't really have an issue with the "that's horrible" so long as the kid is told why it's horrible.  The "what's wrong with you" is dicier because it goes to the core competence of the player and makes it about them, not the skill.  But to say no yelling, or all coaching must be positive, is also not really the way to go...sometimes kids need to be pushed.
> 
> The best teacher I had was in 6th grade...she was a mean ol' nun.  Until then I skated by at school but she saw something in me, and pushed me.  She didn't take my excuses, she yelled at me when I made them, and made me take responsibility for my failures.  But she never called me an idiot, or a loser, or made me feel bad about myself (just for my behavior in cutting corners...she never called me lazy but was plenty clear when I was being lazy).  I hated her at the time, but I still find myself thinking about that teacher every once in a while as an adult.  She told me how the world really was, and I am what I am in part because of her.  I'm very grateful to have had someone that cared enough to push me, and to push me in a way that cared and was appropriate for my age and personality.


Agree agree agree.  I was just talking to my kids about my fourth grade teacher who was awesome even though I had to write about a thousand sentences in her class as a discipline measure.  

Love this statement: "Different kids are different.  A lot depends on the age, relationship, and what it is the player did well or wrong.  The trick is knowing where the line is, and that's why it's more of an art than a science.  The line will be different with different kids.  I don't really have an issue with the "that's horrible" so long as the kid is told why it's horrible.  The "what's wrong with you" is dicier because it goes to the core competence of the player and makes it about them, not the skill.  But to say no yelling, or all coaching must be positive, is also not really the way to go...sometimes kids need to be pushed. "  And by the way, my kid needs to be pushed.  She would still be sitting on the edge of the pool with her floaty on if I didn't push her to believe in herself.


----------



## Mystery Train (Sep 25, 2017)

Grace T. said:


> There's a film that explores this very question in the jazz band world and has become one of my favorite films, from the maker of "LalaLand": "Whiplash".  The film doesn't really take a position, but asks a lot of interesting questions.
> 
> Different kids are different.  A lot depends on the age, relationship, and what it is the player did well or wrong.  The trick is knowing where the line is, and that's why it's more of an art than a science.  The line will be different with different kids.  I don't really have an issue with the "that's horrible" so long as the kid is told why it's horrible.  The "what's wrong with you" is dicier because it goes to the core competence of the player and makes it about them, not the skill.  But to say no yelling, or all coaching must be positive, is also not really the way to go...sometimes kids need to be pushed.
> 
> The best teacher I had was in 6th grade...she was a mean ol' nun.  Until then I skated by at school but she saw something in me, and pushed me.  She didn't take my excuses, she yelled at me when I made them, and made me take responsibility for my failures.  But she never called me an idiot, or a loser, or made me feel bad about myself (just for my behavior in cutting corners...she never called me lazy but was plenty clear when I was being lazy).  I hated her at the time, but I still find myself thinking about that teacher every once in a while as an adult.  She told me how the world really was, and I am what I am in part because of her.  I'm very grateful to have had someone that cared enough to push me, and to push me in a way that cared and was appropriate for my age and personality.


Sure, there are ways in which yelling can be productive.  And we shouldn't confuse passion with abuse, or motivation with bullying.  My DD's GK coach uses his intensity to make practices pressurized so that the games will be fun.  He knows when to yell (when players are not listening or following clear direction), when not to (mistakes), but more importantly WHAT to yell (instruction).  And he knows how to build up confidence with soft words of encouragement.  However, I don't think "What is wrong with you?" to be dicey at all.  It's just flat out bad, lazy coaching.   "That's horrible" isn't much better.


----------



## outside! (Sep 25, 2017)

Grace T. said:


> There's a film that explores this very question in the jazz band world and has become one of my favorite films, from the maker of "LalaLand": "Whiplash".  The film doesn't really take a position, but asks a lot of interesting questions.


DS and I are always quoting Whiplash's "Not quite my tempo." As an aside, I can't imagine starting a thrown object fight with a drummer, they have  more ammo.

While I regret letting "What's wrong with you" escaped my mouth back when I was coaching rec, at least it was because two of my players were fighting at practice while my back was turned.

If some coach threw something at one of my kids in anger, there would definitely be a police report.


----------



## TangoCity (Sep 25, 2017)

Video tape it.  Call the cops.


----------



## espola (Sep 25, 2017)

I don't have a problem with coaches being loud, or even a little joysticky, as long as it is instructive.  "You screwed up" doesn't help, but "You gave their keeper an easy save while Billy was open at the far post" is actual instruction.


----------



## GKDad65 (Sep 25, 2017)

lancer said:


> My DD played a team this weekend that had a coach that yelled at his team for the entire game.  I mean YELLED!  Not only the typical joystick commands but calling kids out by name.."what's wrong with you?"  "That's horrible!"  etc.  At one point, he smashes his water bottle on the ground, subs a player because she didn't take a shot, meets her on the sideline gets in her face, she goes behind the bench to grab water, and he goes back to add more wisdom.
> 
> Why?  Why would a coach do this?  Why would a parent let their kid play for this guy?


Unfortunately, the business of youth soccer has grown so exponentially that we've out paced the supply of decent coaches and quality coach training.  These kids are not adults, they do not learn the same way as adults  do, no matter how much we desire.


----------



## vanbasten (Sep 25, 2017)

In my view - weekend games are like exam time in school. None of my professors walked around giving students advice and instruction on how to pass the test and answer questions.

Games at the youth level are for putting into practice what is taught in a training session and learning to execute in game situations. You cannot make up for a poor curriculum, or poorly constructed training sessions by screaming your head off and trying to fix player mistakes in a game - at that point it's too late - 99 times out of 100 the player knows they made a mistake without you berating them. If there is a glaring issue, you pull the player off and speak with them privately, and allow them to re-set their head and get the mistake off their mind - then send them back onto the field. Or you speak with them/the team at halftime.

For my younger age groups, I think reminders and positive feedback (like training wheels) are okay, "hey right back, check your shoulders.", "hey center back, make sure everyone is assigned a mark for the corner", "hey ____, can we look to play feet out of the back next time?"
But for my high level older group - training wheels come off, soccer is an intellectual game and you shouldn't need my guidance, aside from a tactical change, or a glaring problem due to disorganization - they need to figure it out. If I need to yell at a kid - that's something that should have been addressed on the training ground and it means I need to do a better job.

As a 12 year old I was once called a "Stupid (my country of origin)" in the middle of a game by a guy who is now running a club that he named after himself up in the LA area. We've since gotten over it, but it never made sense to me why he had to insult me, my family - who escaped a civil war to get here, and heritage because I made a bad pass - especially because there was no feedback after the insult. I make sure to regularly beat his teams now.


----------



## Mystery Train (Sep 25, 2017)

outside! said:


> While I regret letting "What's wrong with you" escaped my mouth back when I was coaching rec, at least it was because two of my players were fighting at practice while my back was turned


Well, that's different!  I could imagine letting that slip myself under those circumstances.


----------



## Jack23 (Sep 25, 2017)

lancer said:


> My DD played a team this weekend that had a coach that yelled at his team for the entire game.  I mean YELLED!  Not only the typical joystick commands but calling kids out by name.."what's wrong with you?"  "That's horrible!"  etc.  At one point, he smashes his water bottle on the ground, subs a player because she didn't take a shot, meets her on the sideline gets in her face, she goes behind the bench to grab water, and he goes back to add more wisdom.
> 
> Why?  Why would a coach do this?  Why would a parent let their kid play for this guy?



This sounds like the 06 AS coach.  Was he also hooking up with a mom on the sideline?


----------



## wildcat66 (Sep 26, 2017)

Wow, sometimes I wonder what our society is coming to, then i read a thread like this and I start to understand.  Has no one ever heard of the "sticks and stones" saying or taught it to their kids?  A coach yelled?  Say it isn't so!  We are turning our kids into wussies people.   Go ahead and yell at my kid because it is gonna go in one ear and out the other.  If the coach yells all the time I am sure the kids are used to it by now.  maybe we need a "safe spot" on the sideline for Sally Snowflake to feel better.   I grew up in the blue collar Midwest the son of a construction foreman in a farm town.  People yelled.  Coaches yelled, swore, and yes occasionally were "hands on" to players.  I went into the Marine Corps where a lot of yelling took place.  I have been cussed out, verbally reprimanded, kicked in the ass, and cuffed upside the head more times than I can count.  my experience has always been that the quiet ones are the individuals that you should be wary of, they will sneak up on you and get you when you aren't looking.  The yeller will will come straight at you and you will know it.  Toughen your kids up people, they will thank you for it later.


----------



## Mystery Train (Sep 26, 2017)

wildcat66 said:


> I have been cussed out, verbally reprimanded, kicked in the ass, and cuffed upside the head more times than I can count.


Depending on the kind of person you are today, Wildcat, you could either be an advertisement or an indictment for such techniques.


----------



## LASTMAN14 (Sep 26, 2017)

At some point yelling becomes ineffective too.


----------



## Frank (Sep 26, 2017)

My sons coach is a well known yeller at his age group and I have nothing but positive things to say about how he has developed my sons soccer talents and the success of the team. If that wasn't happening I am not sure I would be there regardless of yelling or not.   I am on the sideline for almost every game and I can tell you that the teams that have had the most success typically have an intense demanding results coach that is driven to win as much if not more than the players.


----------



## coachrefparent (Sep 26, 2017)

wildcat66 said:


> Wow, sometimes I wonder what our society is coming to, then i read a thread like this and I start to understand.  Has no one ever heard of the "sticks and stones" saying or taught it to their kids?  A coach yelled?  Say it isn't so!  We are turning our kids into wussies people.   Go ahead and yell at my kid because it is gonna go in one ear and out the other.  If the coach yells all the time I am sure the kids are used to it by now.  maybe we need a "safe spot" on the sideline for Sally Snowflake to feel better.   I grew up in the blue collar Midwest the son of a construction foreman in a farm town.  People yelled.  Coaches yelled, swore, and yes occasionally were "hands on" to players.  I went into the Marine Corps where a lot of yelling took place.  I have been cussed out, verbally reprimanded, kicked in the ass, and cuffed upside the head more times than I can count.  my experience has always been that the quiet ones are the individuals that you should be wary of, they will sneak up on you and get you when you aren't looking.  The yeller will will come straight at you and you will know it.  Toughen your kids up people, they will thank you for it later.


Priests also slept with little boys. Point?


----------



## lancer (Sep 26, 2017)

wildcat66 said:


> Wow, sometimes I wonder what our society is coming to, then i read a thread like this and I start to understand.  Has no one ever heard of the "sticks and stones" saying or taught it to their kids?  A coach yelled?  Say it isn't so!  We are turning our kids into wussies people.   Go ahead and yell at my kid because it is gonna go in one ear and out the other.  If the coach yells all the time I am sure the kids are used to it by now.  maybe we need a "safe spot" on the sideline for Sally Snowflake to feel better.   I grew up in the blue collar Midwest the son of a construction foreman in a farm town.  People yelled.  Coaches yelled, swore, and yes occasionally were "hands on" to players.  I went into the Marine Corps where a lot of yelling took place.  I have been cussed out, verbally reprimanded, kicked in the ass, and cuffed upside the head more times than I can count.  my experience has always been that the quiet ones are the individuals that you should be wary of, they will sneak up on you and get you when you aren't looking.  The yeller will will come straight at you and you will know it.  Toughen your kids up people, they will thank you for it later.


Didn't John Wooden say the same thing?


----------



## outside! (Sep 26, 2017)

For me it is about respect. Coaches that shout insults at the players are not showing respect for them as people. My kids give 100% at practice out of respect for the team, coach and for we who pay the bills (they can play rec if they don't want to give it their all). I am trying to raise my kids to know they are worthy of respect. Any coach that acts like the coach described by the OP or others in this thread show that they do not respect the players and do not deserve any of our money or respect. Yes children need to learn to deal with idiots in positions of authority, but the few poor teachers they have had in the school serve that purpose. I saw a saying somewhere, "Don't be a players last coach." How many players do coaches like these drive from the sport? I had a terrible little league baseball coach and I am not much of a baseball fan these days.


----------



## Grace T. (Sep 26, 2017)

outside! said:


> For me it is about respect. Coaches that shout insults at the players are not showing respect for them as people. My kids give 100% at practice out of respect for the team, coach and for we who pay the bills (they can play rec if they don't want to give it their all). I am trying to raise my kids to know they are worthy of respect. Any coach that acts like the coach described by the OP or others in this thread show that they do not respect the players and do not deserve any of our money or respect. Yes children need to learn to deal with idiots in positions of authority, but the few poor teachers they have had in the school serve that purpose. I saw a saying somewhere, "Don't be a players last coach." How many players do coaches like these drive from the sport? I had a terrible little league baseball coach and I am not much of a baseball fan these days.



First a disclaimer: I agree respect is important.  I agree also that many of the things the OP said, depending on how they play out, may cross a line (don't know for sure....I wasn't there).  But I also think that yelling or harshly criticizing the play of a player doesn't necessary = disrespect.

But I think we need to ask the question as to what club soccer is trying to accomplish.  What's the system set up to do?  I'd argue it's primarily made to develop kids to play for college, and secondarily to develop players to compete on the international level.  The more cynical among us might also argue it's set up to provide a living/pad the wallets of the coaches and administrators.  Teaching the kids to love soccer, however, is much lower of the list of things the current system does.  Keeping kids playing who might not have what it takes to become champions is also not much of a concern to the current system.  Respecting the players is also not high on the list of goals of the current system.  Because if it were, we would shift back to the system we had before there was competitive soccer and AYSO was the only game in town...one that gives players equal playing time, makes sure no child is left behind to reach their ultimate potential (whatever that might be) and doesn't place such a huge emphasis on winning and keeping score.  An AYSO coach that yells at his kids?  There couldn't be a bigger waste of time and energy.  I wouldn't let my kid play for that coach.  But with more kids in competitive soccer than rec, particularly once you progress up the age group ladder, that's not what we are all doing around here....that's not the system we placed them in....and that's not what the incentives we've built are here to produce.


----------



## Sparky9 (Sep 26, 2017)

It's funny that the yelling joystick coaches don't realize the other team can hear them too.  If the coach actually teaches the game during practices, maybe they wouldnt have to yell so much and could actually enjoy watching their players implement what they learned that week.


----------



## Keepermom2 (Sep 27, 2017)

*I pulled the from a study the #4 reason why youth players quit soccer.  I really don't want my daughter to quit soccer because I love watching her succeed at it, I love the game of soccer and have been known to watch 2 or more games on TV on a Saturday and/or Sunday.  She has mentioned doing Fencing and I really can't imagine enjoying a Fencing tournament but of course would do it.    I want to ensure my decisions and actions are not what causes her to leave soccer.  I saw some risk of that a couple of months ago and I am in the process of making some adjustments and we are in a good place now.  Moving her up the competitive ladder too fast can push her right out and I have found the #4 reason a player leaves soccer really relates to my daughter.  Having said that, the solution suggested not only relates to coaches but to parents.   I am big on embracing failure and taking risks because it builds character and provides for achievement.  That makes them want to keep going.  Balance of course is the key.  The example of the player I gave above that was pulled off of the field and talked to because she didn't take a kick went on to score 2 goals and all 3 beautiful goals in the game.  Do you know how big her smile was after that game?  

Bringing my thoughts back to the discussion, yelling at a player in and of itself is not bad.  The what, why, and how the yell benefits or demoralizes the player is what matters.  I feel for coaches because they are damned if they do or damned if they don't.  We have been on a team where the parents were mad the coach was not coaching the players at the games.  Many times you have to yell for them to hear you.  The games when under pressure are some times the best teaching mechanism especially when teaching failure and risk taking.  That lesson isn't only about soccer but it is a lesson that can benefit the player in life.  I am trying to stay more focused on what benefits my child in life but I will admit it is hard because I am naturally a competitive person that has been known to work hard to be  the best in the things I am passionate about.   Reviewing the various threads on this site has helped me keep perspective because I definitely have seen what I don't want to become.  LOL

4. They are afraid to make mistakes*

Kids tell us that one of the main reasons they quit is because they are afraid to make mistakes, because they get criticized, yelled at, benched, and more. Great players develop in environments where they do not fear mistakes, where they are encouraged to try and fail, and they are made to understand that failure is a necessary part of the development process. *Coaches and parents who keep a running commentary going on the sideline, second guessing every decision and action players take, and yelling at players for trying their best and failing, create a culture of fear that drives players out of the game*.

*Solution*: Embrace failure and risk taking in young athletes. Instead of only praising the result of a successful action, start praising what kids do immediately after a mistake. Do they hustle and get the ball back? Do they keep trying to beat their player 1v1? Praise the reaction to failure, and create a safe to fail environment.


----------



## smellycleats (Sep 27, 2017)

Keepermom2 said:


> *I pulled the from a study the #4 reason why youth players quit soccer.  I really don't want my daughter to quit soccer because I love watching her succeed at it, I love the game of soccer and have been known to watch 2 or more games on TV on a Saturday and/or Sunday.  She has mentioned doing Fencing and I really can't imagine enjoying a Fencing tournament but of course would do it.    I want to ensure my decisions and actions are not what causes her to leave soccer.  I saw some risk of that a couple of months ago and I am in the process of making some adjustments and we are in a good place now.  Moving her up the competitive ladder too fast can push her right out and I have found the #4 reason a player leaves soccer really relates to my daughter.  Having said that, the solution suggested not only relates to coaches but to parents.   I am big on embracing failure and taking risks because it builds character and provides for achievement.  That makes them want to keep going.  Balance of course is the key.  The example of the player I gave above that was pulled off of the field and talked to because she didn't take a kick went on to score 2 goals and all 3 beautiful goals in the game.  Do you know how big her smile was after that game?
> 
> Bringing my thoughts back to the discussion, yelling at a player in and of itself is not bad.  The what, why, and how the yell benefits or demoralizes the player is what matters.  I feel for coaches because they are damned if they do or damned if they don't.  We have been on a team where the parents were mad the coach was not coaching the players at the games.  Many times you have to yell for them to hear you.  The games when under pressure are some times the best teaching mechanism especially when teaching failure and risk taking.  That lesson isn't only about soccer but it is a lesson that can benefit the player in life.  I am trying to stay more focused on what benefits my child in life but I will admit it is hard because I am naturally a competitive person that has been known to work hard to be  the best in the things I am passionate about.   Reviewing the various threads on this site has helped me keep perspective because I definitely have seen what I don't want to become.  LOL
> 
> ...


 My daughter played for coach that was very vocal. He didn't berate his players or demean them. In practice he would yell ( loudly enough at times for everyone in the complex to hear him) when they weren't working hard or when they made a bad decision. At games he would often be completely silent and allow them to use their own judgment.  When he was really frustrated with  my daughter he would not yell at her. He would ignore her. He wouldn't speak to her on or off the field. He would sometimes high five other players sitting on the bench and ignore her. For my daughter, that was the worst.  She didn't mind when he yelled. At least she knew where she stood.  I thought his whole approach was pretty manipulative but my daughter developed a ton in the two years she played for him.  The following year we left the club and went to play for another coach, a woman who was very soft-spoken. She is a very respected coach and is extremely knowledgeable however the dynamic did not work for my daughter.  My daughter seemed uninspired that year and didn't make much progress in terms of development.  She told me this coach didn't yell at her enough. (!?!?)
 I think coaching is a bit like parenting. What works for one kid may not work for another. As long as the yelling is not meant to demean or shame a kid  it can be a dynamic that works,  depending on the player.


----------



## Not_that_Serious (Sep 29, 2017)

TangoCity said:


> Video tape it.  Call the cops.


probably shouldnt be in club soccer if you think you should call the cops for that...im sure the cops would also love wasting their time. I dont care for these coaches who call kids names, but from my estimation it is about a 50/50 chance the coach on the other side is that way.  Taping it or calling them out on it doesnt change the behavior - some are down right racist at times and still find themselves with jobs. It isnt like they dont know or no one has told them they are aholes. The higher the flight, better chance youll hear/see "that guy" on the other side. Parents hear it and let the kids go through it - usually the ones solely focused on winning. I tend to hear worse from parents towards their own kids and refs at rec games. Every other game you see the parents who pace on the sideline yelling at their kid - the type who live and die on every play. Some of these parents even tape every game to breakdown their kids game and evaluate the team - same parents who bounce kid from club to club. Some of these folks must be on good blood pressure meds.


----------



## TangoCity (Sep 29, 2017)

Not_that_Serious said:


> probably shouldnt be in club soccer if you think you should call the cops for that...im sure the cops would also love wasting their time. I dont care for these coaches who call kids names, but from my estimation it is about a 50/50 chance the coach on the other side is that way.  Taping it or calling them out on it doesnt change the behavior - some are down right racist at times and still find themselves with jobs. It isnt like they dont know or no one has told them they are aholes. The higher the flight, better chance youll hear/see "that guy" on the other side. Parents hear it and let the kids go through it - usually the ones solely focused on winning. I tend to hear worse from parents towards their own kids and refs at rec games. Every other game you see the parents who pace on the sideline yelling at their kid - the type who live and die on every play. Some of these parents even tape every game to breakdown their kids game and evaluate the team - same parents who bounce kid from club to club. Some of these folks must be on good blood pressure meds.


If a coach/ref or any other adult smacked my kid with a clipboard because he/she made a mistake on the soccer field -- I may very well report the incident to the police.  At a minimum it would be reported to the DOC along with the video of the incident.  Yell?  No.  Smack with a clipboard, which was mentioned above then a good chance yes.


----------

