# Made the Flight 1 A Team - mistake or suck it up?



## LilStriker (May 2, 2017)

So our kiddo made the "A" team at a "top" competitive club, but now we're having second thoughts. We really like the club and coach - but team dynamics seem totally dysfunctional. The players overall are very good and they train hard. But parents are ULTRA competitive, feels like everyone's only looking out for their own kid and for some, if they're not yelling at your kid, they're yelling at their own - seriously. That attitude has unfortunately started filtering down to what otherwise would be good kids. Besides a small clique that trains together outside, none of the players nor parents really care to hang out with each other - a couple players are just downright jerks. 

Is this normal and what it takes to be among the best? Our impression is the club is preparing these girls for DA in a few years where it seems more focused on individual play anyway. Objectively, our DD is probably ranked middle on the team but she's not starting (first off bench) and she really could use more playing time to develop. 

I can see all this wearing on her after practice and games - she works her tail off, but I can tell she's changed and she's no longer as excited about wins nor phased by losses - she still practices almost every day on her own at home. She gets along with the B team girls better and hinted she'd rather play with them instead (even though she hasn't actually played with them). I'm expecting the B team to eventually become the ECNL team and the club is unlikely to pull girls from B to A. 

For those who've been through it, what do you think? Do we teach DD to hang in there or try to find a better environment (perhaps B team or forfeit fees and find other club) where she can have fun and hopefully get more playing time/develop but potentially miss out on DA? It's a great opportunity, but is it worth the cost?  any suggestions?


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## younothat (May 2, 2017)

If you player is not projected to be a started, doesn't really enjoy the team, or feel comfortable I would listen to my players and look for something else.

Don't know what age you're talking about but fostering the love of the game is one of the most important thing you can help your player with. 

Player(s) know best...remember the journey is more important than the destination often, kids have to enjoy the game to keep playing and having fun.


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## chargerfan (May 2, 2017)

younothat said:


> If you player is not projected to be a started, doesn't really enjoy the team, or feel comfortable I would listen to my players and look for something else.
> 
> Don't know what age you're talking about but fostering the love of the game is one of the most important thing you can help your player with.
> 
> Player(s) know best...remember the journey is more important than the destination often, kids have to enjoy the game to keep playing and having fun.


I can only tell you what our family would do, and that's move her to the b team or switch clubs. It sounds like she is younger, and girls only get cliquier and meaner as they turn into preteens and teens. And I don't think I could last a single game with a group of asshole parents like that. It's just soccer. Not worth your family being miserable for a year plus.


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## soccerobserver (May 2, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> So our kiddo made the "A" team at a "top" competitive club, but now we're having second thoughts. We really like the club and coach - but team dynamics seem totally dysfunctional. The players overall are very good and they train hard. But parents are ULTRA competitive, feels like everyone's only looking out for their own kid and for some, if they're not yelling at your kid, they're yelling at their own - seriously. That attitude has unfortunately started filtering down to what otherwise would be good kids. Besides a small clique that trains together outside, none of the players nor parents really care to hang out with each other - a couple players are just downright jerks.
> 
> Is this normal and what it takes to be among the best? Our impression is the club is preparing these girls for DA in a few years where it seems more focused on individual play anyway. Objectively, our DD is probably ranked middle on the team but she's not starting (first off bench) and she really could use more playing time to develop.
> 
> ...


Lilstrkr, if your kid is not trying to be on the national team, then why is GDA  such a great opportunity? And at what cost emotionally  etc??  There are many many many things a kid can do during the week instead of soccer.

Also, faced with this same situation many tryout/interview other clubs to see if their kid can find a better fit... It's free to try out and being happy is worth something!


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## LilStriker (May 2, 2017)

younothat said:


> If you player is not projected to be a started, doesn't really enjoy the team, or feel comfortable I would listen to my players and look for something else.
> 
> Don't know what age you're talking about but fostering the love of the game is one of the most important thing you can help your player with.
> 
> Player(s) know best...remember the journey is more important than the destination often, kids have to enjoy the game to keep playing and having fun.


That's what my gut is saying, but at the same time... even as grown ups, there will be times when you'll have to deal with poor work environments - and from what I've seen, the higher up you go in the corporate world, the more competitive and well, more assholes there are. There is something certainly to be said about mental toughness - I just wish it they didn't have to experience it so soon. 

My question is, for those whose DD/DS's ended up getting recruited and playing college ball or ODP - did they have to go through this as well - is this the norm and what to expect at that level, or were you able to get there on teams where the parents and teammates truly wanted each other to succeed?


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## LilStriker (May 2, 2017)

chargerfan said:


> I can only tell you what our family would do, and that's move her to the b team or switch clubs. It sounds like she is younger, and girls only get cliquier and meaner as they turn into preteens and teens. And I don't think I could last a single game with a group of asshole parents like that. It's just soccer. Not worth your family being miserable for a year plus.


I do want to say that I don't think the parents are assholes - or at least most of them don't intend to be and I think they're otherwise really good people. I think it's really the competitive nature and concern for their own kids that drives them this way - not sure if that makes sense. Which is why I wonder if it's just the nature of top level club soccer.


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## CaliKlines (May 2, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> That's what my gut is saying, but at the same time... even as grown ups, there will be times when you'll have to deal with poor work environments - and from what I've seen, the higher up you go in the corporate world, the more competitive and well, more assholes there are. There is something certainly to be said about mental toughness - I just wish it they didn't have to experience it so soon.
> 
> My question is, for those whose DD/DS's ended up getting recruited and playing college ball or ODP - did they have to go through this as well - is this the norm and what to expect at that level, or were you able to get there on teams where the parents and teammates truly wanted each other to succeed?


Having fun and being on the "A" team are not mutually exclusive. If she has the skills and you have the resources, bite the bullet and find another club or participate in the B team for a year. (However, depending on her age, I would opt to keep her on the most competitive side possible.) My player was on an ECNL team and a very competitive national championship team...she has had a ball playing with a team full of Pac12 commits, and will attend an ACC school in 2018. And on the parental side, you couldn't find a nicer, more welcoming group of tequila shooters.


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## timbuck (May 2, 2017)

What age group?


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## chargerfan (May 2, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> I do want to say that I don't think the parents are assholes - or at least most of them don't intend to be and I think they're otherwise really good people. I think it's really the competitive nature and concern for their own kids that drives them this way - not sure if that makes sense. Which is why I wonder if it's just the nature of top level club soccer.


No, it's not normal, and not the nature of top level soccer. If it were, we would have been long gone.


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## LilStriker (May 2, 2017)

soccerobserver said:


> Lilstrkr, if your kid is not trying to be on the national team, then why is GDA  such a great opportunity? And at what cost emotionally  etc??  There are many many many things a kid can do during the week instead of soccer.
> 
> Also, faced with this same situation many tryout/interview other clubs to see if their kid can find a better fit... It's free to try out and being happy is worth something!


Well, she DOES want to play at the highest level possible. Hands down she loves soccer and it's her #1 passion, next is computer programming, not even kidding. She chose to join this team knowing she didn't have any friends but playing with better players will only make her better. It's just that none of us expected it to be this way. 

Realistically, I think she has potential, I say she's middle of the road right now because while she's clearly within the top 3 on the team regarding her skills and speed, there ARE areas she just needs to improve and develop in - but nothing that can't be fixed or taught. I also suspect that some parents made a "deal" with the coach to have their kid start or get X playing time - anyone know if this actually happens? 

For me, I'm perfectly fine if she doesn't make the national team - although she's dreamed of it since she was 4... that's going to have to be all her decision and drive. I just hope she gets to play college ball and given that she's a really smart kid, ideally get recruited by an Ivy down the road.  The question is, if she doesn't play DA, will she still get the opportunity and be considered? I know, thinking WAY ahead here, right? but the reality is, some choices lead to more opportunities than others...  (Grace T - would love to hear your thoughts on this!)


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## Sparky9 (May 2, 2017)

If it's the A team at a top club, why is the coach allowing parents to coach their kids  (and yours) from the sidelines?


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## shales1002 (May 2, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> That's what my gut is saying, but at the same time... even as grown ups, there will be times when you'll have to deal with poor work environments - and from what I've seen, the higher up you go in the corporate world, the more competitive and well, more assholes there are. There is something certainly to be said about mental toughness - I just wish it they didn't have to experience it so soon.
> 
> My question is, for those whose DD/DS's ended up getting recruited and playing college ball or ODP - did they have to go through this as well - is this the norm and what to expect at that level, or were you able to get there on teams where the parents and teammates truly wanted each other to succeed?


Instilling the love for the game is more important than being on the "A" team. If your DD is younger, her loving the game and team will give her that much needed second wind to persevere when the going gets tough. We  took a leap of faith and people often questioned our decision because at the time it wasn't a top team.  For the amount of time she puts in week end and week out she needed to be in a positive environment . In hindsight that was the best decision we could have made.  The right environment, with the right coach, with the right teammates, will allow your daughter to grow .


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## shales1002 (May 2, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> For me, I'm perfectly fine if she doesn't make the national team - although she's dreamed of it since she was 4... that's going to have to be all her decision and drive. I just hope she gets to play college ball and given that she's a really smart kid, ideally get recruited by an Ivy down the road.  The question is, if she doesn't play DA, will she still get the opportunity and be considered? I know, thinking WAY ahead here, right? but the reality is, some choices lead to more opportunities than others...  (Grace T - would love to hear your thoughts on this!)


@LilStriker the U.S. Will continue to seek out the best regardless of which league you choose for your DD.


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## Grace T. (May 2, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> For me, I'm perfectly fine if she doesn't make the national team - although she's dreamed of it since she was 4... that's going to have to be all her decision and drive. I just hope she gets to play college ball and given that she's a really smart kid, ideally get recruited by an Ivy down the road.  The question is, if she doesn't play DA, will she still get the opportunity and be considered? I know, thinking WAY ahead here, right? but the reality is, some choices lead to more opportunities than others...  (Grace T - would love to hear your thoughts on this!)


Unless she's aiming for Stanford (not an Ivy but on par), with the Ivy's its hard to say.  The quality of the teams vary greatly (Harvard, IIRC, is ranked in the 40s, for example).  If you are going the soccer route into college, it's more a question of getting into the best soccer program available given where the teams are on any particular year...you are kind of dependent on how the soccer team is doing in recent years and where it's ranked and what positions they need.  The Ivy's generally care that the student excels and stands out at one thing-- and if soccer is the one thing, then that doesn't leave her with a bunch of other arrows in her quiver-- her application will rise and fall by whether she is recruited onto the soccer team (I just went through this with a basketball applicant, for example, who wasn't recruited).  Soccer isn't a great route into the Ivys as a result.  It's more a question of serendipity (right time, right place, right team, right spot) and you can't really game that, but DA as a result isn't an absolute must.  If it's Stanford...well, good luck to you...and yes, making the national team would help there.


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## NoGoal (May 2, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> That's what my gut is saying, but at the same time... even as grown ups, there will be times when you'll have to deal with poor work environments - and from what I've seen, the higher up you go in the corporate world, the more competitive and well, more assholes there are. There is something certainly to be said about mental toughness - I just wish it they didn't have to experience it so soon.
> 
> My question is, for those whose DD/DS's ended up getting recruited and playing college ball or ODP - did they have to go through this as well - is this the norm and what to expect at that level, or were you able to get there on teams where the parents and teammates truly wanted each other to succeed?


It is par for the course.  The vast majority of the great players have an edge to them and girls are clicky.  

If your DD isn't happy, listen to her. She is the one who has to play and be around those girls for the next year. As for parents who cares if you break bread together.  I never did!


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## chargerfan (May 2, 2017)

shales1002 said:


> Instilling the love for the game is more important than being on the "A" team. If your DD is younger, her loving the game and team will give her that much needed second wind to persevere when the going gets tough. We  took a leap of faith and people often questioned our decision because at the time it wasn't a top team.  For the amount of time she puts in week end and week out she needed to be in a positive environment . In hindsight that was the best decision we could have made.  The right environment, with the right coach, with the right teammates, will allow your daughter to grow .


Agreed. Positive environment (and good coaching) outweighs team name, ranking or status any day of the week. Ask MAP if a b team player can make it to the top. If your daughter is still in elementary school, a lot can happen. I would not be thinking about college play at Ivy League school quite yet


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## NoGoal (May 2, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> It is par for the course.  The vast majority of the great players have an edge to them and girls are clicky.
> 
> If your DD isn't happy, listen to her. She is the one who has to play and be around those girls for the next year. As for parents who cares if you break bread together.  I never did!


I almost forgot the nicest parents from my experience with club soccer,  the B team parents no comparison.  Trust me the A team parents know where your DD is on the club soccer ladder.


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## outside! (May 2, 2017)

I have heard of teams that have this culture, but luckily we have not had to deal with that. DD plays on a top level team that will be GDA next season. All but two of the players on DD's team are committed, and one of those chose to not play soccer in college since she got accepted to Cal. Years ago wWhen we were shopping for teams, DD said "I love this team" as we drove away from the first practice. The players get along well and the parents have been awesome.  If I were in your shoes, I would try to find a better situation with input from my player. Life is too short to have a fun game ruined by a coach that cannot control the sideline and parents who cannot act like adults. I would rather listen to the blues than have them.


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## justneededaname (May 2, 2017)

My son plays on a top flight 1 team and all the parents are great as are all the kids. I realize he is boy, which probably makes my experience irrelevant. I have a DD just starting out in soccer so I am hoping her experience is the same. What might be more relevant is that I own my own company. One of the reasons I do is I have some simple rules I live by. One of those is "Life is too short to spend time with assholes."


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## G2005Defender (May 2, 2017)

Find a new situation would be my advice if I can humbly offer it (B team or another option).  From a personal anecdote, I don't know if my DD will play beyond club and high-school (a long way away since she is only an '05), but stories like these remind me of how lucky our family has been . . . having followed the same core of girls through Elite, Flight 3, Flight 2, to now the top Flight 1 team at our club in their age group.  

My wife and I honestly can't wait for soccer weekends to see and hangout  with people that are now our friends, and see their girls that we are so deeply invested in.  When a parent starts getting ultra-competitive (we all do, right?) all 14 other sets of parents tease them unmercifully and they end-up self correcting and laughing at themselves.  When we made the step to flight 1 this year some of the girls couldn't take that step, and it was a truly sad moment to see some of those girls (and therefore their families also) stay on the Flight 2 team.  We are bummed we (and our DD also) will only go watch their games now when they are local and there isn't an overlap.  

But I get it, and have just gotten a glimpse of the sort of thing you speak about - as we had to pick-up four Flight 1 level girls from other clubs to fill the roster for the open spots around the core.  Filled-up all four quickly - and thought we had great fits . . . only to have one DD parents start to get ultra-competitive, hyper-critical of the coaching, and focus on their daughter only (even though I heard their DD didn't want to leave), get distracted by the promises of a Pre-Academy team and deeper "development" - only to bail.  We just all shook our heads.  I know when our daughter hangs-up her cleats, whenever that is, she and us will treasure these times.  What you are experiencing doesn't have to be the norm.  And yeah, with Academy starting next year for '05s, maybe things start to change - and our team gets ripped apart a bit in 2018/2019 . . . but if I was a betting man, I think not . . .

And in a shameless plug - any chance your DD is an 'o5 in Southern OC?  We are looking to add a striker or mid after the departure I mention above  ;-)


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## LilStriker (May 2, 2017)

Grace T. said:


> Unless she's aiming for Stanford (not an Ivy but on par), with the Ivy's its hard to say.  The quality of the teams vary greatly (Harvard, IIRC, is ranked in the 40s, for example).  If you are going the soccer route into college, it's more a question of getting into the best soccer program available given where the teams are on any particular year...you are kind of dependent on how the soccer team is doing in recent years and where it's ranked and what positions they need.  The Ivy's generally care that the student excels and stands out at one thing-- and if soccer is the one thing, then that doesn't leave her with a bunch of other arrows in her quiver-- her application will rise and fall by whether she is recruited onto the soccer team (I just went through this with a basketball applicant, for example, who wasn't recruited).  Soccer isn't a great route into the Ivys as a result.  It's more a question of serendipity (right time, right place, right team, right spot) and you can't really game that, but DA as a result isn't an absolute must.  If it's Stanford...well, good luck to you...and yes, making the national team would help there.


Thanks for the info Grace! Question - You mentioned Stanford being the exception to the rule - why?  Also, when you say they're looking for a student that excels and stands out in one thing - do they look down on it if they excel at two or three and one of them is soccer?

Right now, while her teammates are training 3-4x/week outside of practice, she's getting into robotics, extending research projects for school, writing her own music, etc.... she just has a passion for learning, whether soccer or otherwise. And yet, while her physical size and strength is probably her weakest asset right now, she's still easily top three on the team when it comes to combined speed & skill and regularly outperforms her teammates in practice. Multiple outside coaches have said they could see her playing ODP, she was player of the week at their last camp where her age group was grouped with the year olders. Most recent coach said that he saw no flaws in her game, only to be more confident and trust her skills more. She's naturally athletic and has played multiple sports very well for her age - from basketball to golf, but there's only so much time in the day.  We've been encouraging her to explore because she's young, but it's coming to a point where she needs to be more selective with her time and starting next year she's probably going to start private training and narrowing it down. Our deal with her was to pick one sport you love and excel at it (she chose soccer hands down), an academically related EC that she's passionate about and do something amazing with it, and get good grades. 

I know we're digressing a bit, but also a bit related because again, if this is one of a handful of options for DA - and that's the path to national team and playing college, it has implications if we walk away - are we taking the right approach? I feel like it's so competitive that grades alone aren't enough and while her end goal is probably not a professional soccer player because she'll likely do a lot better in a different profession, she loves to play and it would be great to get to at least play at the college level when that time comes. Is National Team and DA necessary for that? As for schools she's interested in, again, it's a ways, but looking at Stanford, Harvard, Yale, Princeton, UPenn... 

In other words, we're not entirely counting on soccer to get into the school of her choice, but hoping it will help and that she would get to play at that level... wrong approach?


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## LilStriker (May 2, 2017)

G2005Defender said:


> Find a new situation would be my advice if I can humbly offer it (B team or another option).
> 
> My wife and I honestly can't wait for soccer weekends to see and hangout  with people that are now our friends, and see their girls that we are so deeply invested in.  When a parent starts getting ultra-competitive (we all do, right?) all 14 other sets of parents tease them unmercifully and they end-up self correcting and laughing at themselves.  When we made the step to flight 1 this year some of the girls couldn't take that step, and it was a truly sad moment to see some of those girls (and therefore their families also) stay on the Flight 2 team.  We are bummed we (and our DD also) will only go watch their games now when they are local and there isn't an overlap.
> 
> And in a shameless plug - any chance your DD is an 'o5 in Southern OC?  We are looking to add a striker or mid after the departure I mention above  ;-)


Thanks for the encouragement - we've been on teams like that before and it was SO MUCH FUN. Looked forward to practices & games, texted each other 3-4x a day, it was like extended family. Our team split too for similar reasons and at that point we decided to make a change as did many other families due to coaching changes - so we all went our separate ways. We still try to catch each others games when we can. That's what makes it harder - knowing how fun it can be when everyone supports one another and gets along! Unfortunately at times, all it takes is one bad apple.


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## Grace T. (May 2, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Thanks for the info Grace! Question - You mentioned Stanford being the exception to the rule - why?  Also, when you say they're looking for a student that excels and stands out in one thing - do they look down on it if they excel at two or three and one of them is soccer?
> 
> Right now, while her teammates are training 3-4x/week outside of practice, she's getting into robotics, extending research projects for school, writing her own music, etc.... she just has a passion for learning, whether soccer or otherwise. And yet, while her physical size and strength is probably her weakest asset right now, she's still easily top three on the team when it comes to combined speed & skill and regularly outperforms her teammates in practice. Multiple outside coaches have said they could see her playing ODP, she was player of the week at their last camp where her age group was grouped with the year olders. Most recent coach said that he saw no flaws in her game, only to be more confident and trust her skills more. She's naturally athletic and has played multiple sports very well for her age - from basketball to golf, but there's only so much time in the day.  We've been encouraging her to explore because she's young, but it's coming to a point where she needs to be more selective with her time and starting next year she's probably going to start private training and narrowing it down. Our deal with her was to pick one sport you love and excel at it (she chose soccer hands down), an academically related EC that she's passionate about and do something amazing with it, and get good grades.
> 
> ...


Lots of questions buried in here and I don't have all the answer but I'll answer what I can.  Stanford is different because they are a really good team (usually top 10), are Pac 10 and recruit for their teams based on performance (maybe someone else knows, but IIRC, I think they also offer sports scholarships).  The Ivy League is an also-ran sports league and they (most/generally) don't offer sports scholarships...your sport is your ticket in....they look more for scholar-athletes.

Into the Ivies, you are either on the sports route or you are on the academic route.  To get on the sports route, you needed to be recruited by the team.  Your application goes through the same admissions committees but most of the schools will handles these applications separately in a separate pile.  If you are on the academic route, your sports may actually be a liability because other than checking the athletic box in the are they well rounded portion of the evaluation, if you DD is passionate about soccer and that's her thing (her "hook") and she's spending all her time doing that, it's going to be considered a waste of time because she will have dedicated herself to something she probably won't be able to continue in college since walk ons are rare.

On the academic track, the Ivies want to see that you are passionate about something.  That passion should make sense for what you want to carry forward.  My favorite story is I once had a kid the school was really interested in and he was passionate about writing and even brought his novel to the interview, but then when I asked him what he wanted to do after college, he said go to Wall Street....you can imagine how that ended.  It can be more than one thing, but it's really hard for students given the grades they need to maintain to sell more than one thing, plus the mandatory charity and remain time to be sociable/popular.  The worst thing your DD can do is do many different things and not excel in any one thing or demonstrate any passion in it.  Prospective majors are important too-- with the sciences (because of the competition from tech schools like MIT and CalTech) being easier (other than pre-med which is probably the hardest) than humanities (the arts are weird and vary school to school_.  Remember every year they need that one sanskrit major to keep that department going while they have 1000s of pre-med majors.

Unfortunately, like much of life, things can be a gamble.  As I said, soccer in particular is a lousy way into the Ivies (crew, on the other hand, is a different story) because if you have your heart set on Yale, if you are a GK and Yale already has the Scott Sterling (the man, the myth, the legend) you may be SOL that year.  The Ivies are one part effort, one part luck and one part who you are (e.g. what state you live in, what school you go to, if you are a preference category, what's your intended major, do you have a hard luck story),


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## soccermama213 (May 2, 2017)

I'd move her to where she is happy. My dd plays for the top team in our area and she loves the girls. They all have a great time together (15/16yo) no drama, parents all get a long and it's just a fun environment and they win games - a lot. And because of their coaches attitude and positivness as well, thengirls behave accordingly. And it shows on the field. I've always emphasized to my daughter that she should only continue playing if it's fun. Otherwise what's the point?


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## NoGoal (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Thanks for the info Grace! Question - You mentioned Stanford being the exception to the rule - why?  Also, when you say they're looking for a student that excels and stands out in one thing - do they look down on it if they excel at two or three and one of them is soccer?
> 
> Right now, while her teammates are training 3-4x/week outside of practice, she's getting into robotics, extending research projects for school, writing her own music, etc.... she just has a passion for learning, whether soccer or otherwise. And yet, while her physical size and strength is probably her weakest asset right now, she's still easily top three on the team when it comes to combined speed & skill and regularly outperforms her teammates in practice. Multiple outside coaches have said they could see her playing ODP, she was player of the week at their last camp where her age group was grouped with the year olders. Most recent coach said that he saw no flaws in her game, only to be more confident and trust her skills more. She's naturally athletic and has played multiple sports very well for her age - from basketball to golf, but there's only so much time in the day.  We've been encouraging her to explore because she's young, but it's coming to a point where she needs to be more selective with her time and starting next year she's probably going to start private training and narrowing it down. Our deal with her was to pick one sport you love and excel at it (she chose soccer hands down), an academically related EC that she's passionate about and do something amazing with it, and get good grades.
> 
> ...


I will keep it simple for you.  If you want your DD to play for Stanford, your DD better be on the US YNT or US YNT pool.  If not, she has a better chance getting into Stanford via academics, SAT and ACT. 

As for playing soccer for an Ivy league school.  The players do NOT need to be YNT players, but must still have a strong GPA and test scores.  Girls DA helps but isn't necessary...ECNL will work too.  As both will provide college exposure. 

Lastly, if your DD is good at golf.  I highly suggest having her play golf instead.  The same universities are available to her, but if she is a phenom golfer she can make more money playing on the LPGA tour vs the NWSL.


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## f1nfutbol fan (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> She gets along with the B team girls better and hinted she'd rather play with them instead


She either doesnt care for the coach or girls on her team.

It must be fun.... if it's not, why bother. This isnt a job. Besides, I hope we all work in a field we love... 

She will blossom / develop while having fun. The fact that she practices alone @ home, tells me the "fun" still exists / the fire still burns...

Dont let a bad fitting coach or team extinguish her soccer fire.


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## timbuck (May 3, 2017)

Why did you choos this club?
How many players are new this year?
What age group?


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## Striker17 (May 3, 2017)

Seriously what age group are you talking about an 05 or an 06?


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## chargerfan (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Thanks for the info Grace! Question - You mentioned Stanford being the exception to the rule - why?  Also, when you say they're looking for a student that excels and stands out in one thing - do they look down on it if they excel at two or three and one of them is soccer?
> 
> Right now, while her teammates are training 3-4x/week outside of practice, she's getting into robotics, extending research projects for school, writing her own music, etc.... she just has a passion for learning, whether soccer or otherwise. And yet, while her physical size and strength is probably her weakest asset right now, she's still easily top three on the team when it comes to combined speed & skill and regularly outperforms her teammates in practice. Multiple outside coaches have said they could see her playing ODP, she was player of the week at their last camp where her age group was grouped with the year olders. Most recent coach said that he saw no flaws in her game, only to be more confident and trust her skills more. She's naturally athletic and has played multiple sports very well for her age - from basketball to golf, but there's only so much time in the day.  We've been encouraging her to explore because she's young, but it's coming to a point where she needs to be more selective with her time and starting next year she's probably going to start private training and narrowing it down. Our deal with her was to pick one sport you love and excel at it (she chose soccer hands down), an academically related EC that she's passionate about and do something amazing with it, and get good grades.
> 
> ...


Are you a trolling us? She's all of what, 9, and you're talking about National Team and Yale? This is a joke, right?


----------



## Kicknit22 (May 3, 2017)

chargerfan said:


> Are you a trolling us? She's all of what, 9, and you're talking about National Team and Yale? This is a joke, right?


Dude!! He or she has been reading about 8th graders getting committed.  When is too early? I have a 3 yr old nephew that can shoot the lights out on his little Playco b-ball hoop.  Told my sister to start sending out video, you never know!


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## mahrez (May 3, 2017)

chargerfan said:


> Are you a trolling us? She's all of what, 9, and you're talking about National Team and Yale? This is a joke, right?


Dang unicorn's again. Have a drink


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## chargerfan (May 3, 2017)

Kicknit22 said:


> Dude!! He or she has been reading about 8th graders getting committed.  When is too early? I have a 3 yr old nephew that can shoot the lights out on his little Playco b-ball hoop.  Told my sister to start sending out video, you never know!


Harvard-bound kid, for sure!!


----------



## Striker17 (May 3, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> I will keep it simple for you.  If you want your DD to play for Stanford, your DD better be on the US YNT or US YNT pool.  If not, she has a better chance getting into Stanford via academics, SAT and ACT.
> 
> As for playing soccer for an Ivy league school.  The players do NOT need to be YNT players, but must still have a strong GPA and test scores.  Girls DA helps but isn't necessary...ECNL will work too.  As both will provide college exposure.
> 
> Lastly, if your DD is good at golf.  I highly suggest having her play golf instead.  The same universities are available to her, but if she is a phenom golfer she can make more money playing on the LPGA tour vs the NWSL.


 AMEN!! Crew, Golf, Lacrosse, Field Hockey MUCH MORE RECRUITING OPTIONS to sneak into an Ivy


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## Striker17 (May 3, 2017)

chargerfan said:


> Are you a trolling us? She's all of what, 9, and you're talking about National Team and Yale? This is a joke, right?


Sounds sincere that's why I was trying to be nice. 
Remember parents are fed this stuff they don't come up with it on their own.


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## chargerfan (May 3, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> Sounds sincere that's why I was trying to be nice.
> Remember parents are fed this stuff they don't come up with it on their own.


That is true. We live in an environment where parents are trying to create little superstars, and there is increasing pressure to make sure they are "special". I can understand how this could affect a parent just trying to do the best for their kid.


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## Grace T. (May 3, 2017)

chargerfan said:


> That is true. We live in an environment where parents are trying to create little superstars, and there is increasing pressure to make sure they are "special". I can understand how this could affect a parent just trying to do the best for their kid.


Meh....the competition has gotten a lot more intense on both the sports and academic fronts....my sons (still in elementary school) have classmates who pretty much spend their afternoons at Kumon or Chinese Learning Center and then are packed off for music/sports/art classes until a late evening dinner....not to mention the competition now from overseas (since overseas they track and kids that don't make it there are sent packing over here)...my grades back then certainly aren't good enough now....so I get why parents freak out.  The OP has one thing right, though, which is 9th grade is the time if I kid is bound for the elite schools whether to go on the academic or sports tracks since they are very different and time is not unlimited.

I agree Lacrosse, crew, field hockey and swimming are all better ways to sneak into an Ivy.  I disagree though about golf (or tennis before anyone mentions it)....unless they are the best of the best....too many wannabe families stick their kids into golf or tennis to check the sports box for mediocre athletes so the applicants are very numerous with these....unless they are the best of the best, being an above average golf/tennis sports kids won't help and if you are really good going to the pro circuit will make a lot more than soccer.


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## chargerfan (May 3, 2017)

Grace T. said:


> Meh....the competition has gotten a lot more intense on both the sports and academic fronts....my sons (still in elementary school) have classmates who pretty much spend their afternoons at Kumon or Chinese Learning Center and then are packed off for music/sports/art classes until a late evening dinner....not to mention the competition now from overseas (since overseas they track and kids that don't make it there are sent packing over here)...my grades back then certainly aren't good enough now....so I get why parents freak out.  The OP has one thing right, though, which is 9th grade is the time if I kid is bound for the elite schools whether to go on the academic or sports tracks since they are very different and time is not unlimited.
> 
> I agree Lacrosse, crew, field hockey and swimming are all better ways to sneak into an Ivy.  I disagree though about golf (or tennis before anyone mentions it)....unless they are the best of the best....too many wannabe families stick their kids into golf or tennis to check the sports box for mediocre athletes so the applicants are very numerous with these....unless they are the best of the best, being an above average golf/tennis sports kids won't help and if you are really good going to the pro circuit will make a lot more than soccer.


I have seen more than one "exceptional" kid go from A's to C's in high school, and "/or lose interest in whatever sport or activity they were so amazing at. I say freshman year is a bit too early to have a definite idea about their college path.

I am also one of those that would now not into the colleges I was accepted to back in the day. It's a shame that kids now need to be almost superhuman to get into one of this country's top colleges. An interesting case study is S.Korea, where kids spend pretty much their whole day working on academics, music, and any activity deemed by their parents helpful to get into college. Their unhappiness and suicide rates are, as a result, unbelievably high.


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## NoGoal (May 3, 2017)

chargerfan said:


> Are you a trolling us? She's all of what, 9, and you're talking about National Team and Yale? This is a joke, right?


Must be the same poster who posted her DD was from Canada and going to play college soccer in the US.


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## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> Sounds sincere that's why I was trying to be nice.
> Remember parents are fed this stuff they don't come up with it on their own.


Thanks. =) Not trolling by any means, but due to the sensitive nature of the topic, sorry can't really discuss age group/club/etc...  All I can say is that we have several friends with DD's that are just slightly older and they're already getting interest emails from multiple schools after playing recent showcases. It was a huge eye opener for us. We recognize anything can change along the way, but if you have a goal or direction in mind, at least you can set yourself up better for success so that it will be an option.

Example - the average person (incl. myself) thinks that being well rounded was what schools look for - it's generally a desired trait and we're often impressed by these multi-athletes or incredibly talented people who are good at just about everything. 

Yet, based on what Grace is saying, it seems the elite academic schools (not nec. athletically elite) are looking for excellence in one discipline - are they going to care if you also starred in basketball, volleyball, and know 10 languages, etc...? prob. not. From a parenting perspective, this has huge implications because it tells me, stop worrying about making sure my kid gets to try everything under the sun or get good at it, rather encourage her to find something she really likes and let her run with and then use the time you get back to make sure you get good grades - or just hang out with friends or family. The idea that college is a university where you figure out what you want to do is now a myth. And the sooner we let her "specialize", the more significant her accomplishments will be when it comes time for college applications.

People complain a lot about the "glass ceiling", how it's unfair that wealthy kids are more likely to be successful, etc...  Honestly, while money does get you places, the REAL advantage is the ultra successful know the right path to get to where they want to be and they set their kids on it. It's not an exact science by any means, and many of them fail while many of us "luck" into it... But your chances of success are much higher if you know how to get there because it's a straighter path. Ever wonder why that other guy who doesn't perform as well as you got the promotion? Why didn't you get admitted to a certain school even though you had better grades? Why isn't your kid starting even though she's better than chloe? It's not because anyone is trying to hold you back or the world is against you, it's more likely because you didn't set yourself up for success and you never took the time to find out what they're looking for - understand the "rules of the game" and you're more likely to win. Instead, we're focusing our energy on things that won't ultimately make a difference when it comes to those goals and even worse, sometimes you get dinged for it when you thought it would help.

If my kid doesn't have to play DA in order to have a chance to play for an Ivy, it takes some stress out of the equation if nothing else...


----------



## NoGoal (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Thanks. =) Not trolling by any means, but due to the sensitive nature of the topic, sorry can't really discuss age group/club/etc...  All I can say is that we have several friends with DD's that are just slightly older and they're already getting interest emails from multiple schools after playing recent showcases. It was a huge eye opener for us. We recognize anything can change along the way, but if you have a goal or direction in mind, at least you can set yourself up better for success so that it will be an option.
> 
> Example - the average person (incl. myself) thinks that being well rounded was what schools look for - it's generally a desired trait and we're often impressed by these multi-athletes or incredibly talented people who are good at just about everything.
> 
> ...


You sure have drifted from your opening post.  FYI, D1 college coaches can't email HS freshmen and sophomores.  What your friends DDs are receiving are email blasts for their camps.


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## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> You sure have drifted from your opening post.  FYI, D1 college coaches can't email HS freshmen and sophomores.  What your friends DDs are receiving are email blasts for their camps.


I dunno, the recruiters emailed the coaches specifically mentioning the player's name, performance at the showcases, and their "resume". The DD's coach  forwarded to player's parents. I can't remember if they even mentioned a camp - but it certainly wasn't the focus of the messages. What I do remember was the emails generally said there was genuine interest, they looked forward to seeing them progress and to keep in touch.  These parents did not reach out to any of those schools initially either - so it wasn't a "thank you letter".


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## NoGoal (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> I dunno, the recruiters emailed the coaches specifically mentioning the player's name, performance at the showcases, and their "resume". The DD's coach  forwarded to player's parents. I can't remember if they even mentioned a camp - but it certainly wasn't the focus of the messages. What I do remember was the emails generally said there was genuine interest, they looked forward to seeing them progress and to keep in touch.  These parents did not reach out to any of those schools initially either - so it wasn't a "thank you letter".


You seem to know a little to much about college recruiting, yet your opening post paints you as being naive about club soccer.

Didn't you post state, your DD was with a lower level team last year?


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## Eagle33 (May 3, 2017)

I understand not mentioning the club, but the age group?
Troll alert!


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## Grace T. (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Example - the average person (incl. myself) thinks that being well rounded was what schools look for - it's generally a desired trait and we're often impressed by these multi-athletes or incredibly talented people who are good at just about everything.
> 
> ..


  This is the biggest misimpression about elite schools.  They generally look for people who are "well oblonged".  You have to have a well rounded set of interests and hobbies, as well as check off the obligatory charity and sport, but you don't need to excel at all of them.  The other big misimpression is that being social/popular isn't important-- one of the areas you are evaluated in is whether you'd be "a good rommate".  But you do need one or two things you are passionate about....and those things should make sense in the overall scheme of your application (if you are going into polisci, doing robotics competitions isn't a good fit...unless you have a really good and unusual explanation....same with the premed major that does dance team and isn't interested in continuing dance competition....doesn't show a whole lot of passion just that you are doing it to get into a good college to become a doctor).  The degree of oblongedness varies from school to school, year to year.


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## NoGoal (May 3, 2017)

Eagle33 said:


> I understand not mentioning the club, but the age group?
> Troll alert!View attachment 899


Yup, IMO this poster is catfishing!


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## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> You seem to know a little to much about college recruiting, yet your opening post paints you as being naive about club soccer.
> 
> Didn't you post state, your DD was with a lower level team last year?


I actually had never played college ball, nor even played soccer, this is our first kid, the whole college recruiting thing is entirely new to us,  it's all from reading/lurking these forums and talking with friends who are just starting the process... so I'm really thankful for everyone chiming in. We obviously feel our DD has some potential - she certainly loves the game, they were on an A team before, but also at a smaller club where it's more "family" I guess - less intense. We were really anxious/excited anticipating whether or not we would make this team - we had all these backup plans if we didn't. My OP was asking if this culture at top tier clubs was typical and basically trying to understand the consequences of leaving or asking to switch to the B team. If DA is the "gate" to college ball and that's her goal, then well, we better suck it up - it's a means to an end that can help her achieve her longer term goals. If there are other paths, then, it certainly helps to know that. 

My spouse is also a legacy alumn at one of the Ivy's - so that's also why I pay more attention to it. I clearly see the difference in her college experience and mine - that's one of my regrets, I was a pretty talented kid but I went about it the wrong way - was good at too many things instead of just picking one and being great, my parents did the best they could, but had no idea what they were doing... I never knew the path to get to where I wanted to be. I've been fortunate and have had the opportunity to be around very successful people and that's the thing I've learned - there's no guaranteed success in life, but the most common reason people are successful is because they understand what it takes to achieve their goals - the path to take. So it's very personal for me to make sure I help my kids find the best path to achieve their goals - they still have to do the work, but it's my job to make sure they're not wandering the desert for 40 years. 

I didn't learn that from college recruiting or soccer, I just learned that from life...


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## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

Eagle33 said:


> I understand not mentioning the club, but the age group?
> Troll alert!View attachment 899


The soccer community is a lot smaller than you think... 

besides, it's a no win for me - if I state age group, you guys will either be like, you're crazy, they're too young! or you're crazy, it's way too late, your kid will never make it if they haven't already! 

The better question would be - does it make a difference what age group she's in and at what age group would the decision shift?


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## Eagle33 (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> The soccer community is a lot smaller than you think...
> 
> besides, it's a no win for me - if I state age group, you guys will either be like, you're crazy, they're too young! or you're crazy, it's way too late, your kid will never make it if they haven't already!
> 
> The better question would be - does it make a difference what age group she's in and at what age group would the decision shift?


Of course it does, it makes a huge difference. No college coach will be looking at 9yo on a Flight 1 team


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## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

Eagle33 said:


> Of course it does, it makes a huge difference. No college coach will be looking at 9yo on a Flight 1 team


So at what age does it start mattering?  12? 13? 14? We know this year isn't such a big deal, but if we switch to the B team and a year or two from now they still aren't looking for players from B team for the DA team, then we've screwed ourselves. Seems like a lot of folks on these threads show concern about certain clubs preferring to recruit from outside for their A teams rather than from their B.


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## rocket_file (May 3, 2017)

So you have a 9 or 10 year old daughter, who plays on a 'top flight 1 team', but doesn't start. However in her father's opinion she is 'easily top 3' in speed and skills. And based on this you are thinking about ivy league soccer and USWNT?

"Multiple outside coaches have said she should play ODP" and "She has no flaws in her game"

These are clearly made up facts.

Get a life.


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## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

rocket_file said:


> So you have a 9 or 10 year old daughter, who plays on a 'top flight 1 team', but doesn't start. However in her father's opinion she is 'easily top 3' in speed and skills. And based on this you are thinking about ivy league soccer and USWNT?
> 
> "Multiple outside coaches have said she should play ODP" and "She has no flaws in her game"
> 
> ...


I dunno buddy... let's see, 48 replies to a topic that I'm sure plenty of folks experience at any age level - if this thread doesn't interest you, seems to me that you're the one who needs to get a life, no?

btw, re: "These are clearly made up facts" so which is it, are these facts or are they made up?  make up your mind. you can't just make up a fact dumbass.  do i need to explain it you?


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## BrewHaHa (May 3, 2017)

Wow the poster's tone sure did shift dramatically when confronted.


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## Lambchop (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Well, she DOES want to play at the highest level possible. Hands down she loves soccer and it's her #1 passion, next is computer programming, not even kidding. She chose to join this team knowing she didn't have any friends but playing with better players will only make her better. It's just that none of us expected it to be this way.
> 
> Realistically, I think she has potential, I say she's middle of the road right now because while she's clearly within the top 3 on the team regarding her skills and speed, there ARE areas she just needs to improve and develop in - but nothing that can't be fixed or taught. I also suspect that some parents made a "deal" with the coach to have their kid start or get X playing time - anyone know if this actually happens?
> 
> For me, I'm perfectly fine if she doesn't make the national team - although she's dreamed of it since she was 4... that's going to have to be all her decision and drive. I just hope she gets to play college ball and given that she's a really smart kid, ideally get recruited by an Ivy down the road.  The question is, if she doesn't play DA, will she still get the opportunity and be considered? I know, thinking WAY ahead here, right? but the reality is, some choices lead to more opportunities than others...  (Grace T - would love to hear your thoughts on this!)


Getting the right coach who will teach her and her team to play good soccer with solid skills is probably the most important thing to consider especially for 14 and under.


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## chargerfan (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> So at what age does it start mattering?  12? 13? 14? We know this year isn't such a big deal, but if we switch to the B team and a year or two from now they still aren't looking for players from B team for the DA team, then we've screwed ourselves. Seems like a lot of folks on these threads show concern about certain clubs preferring to recruit from outside for their A teams rather than from their B.


I think people had no problem with your basic question - if your daughter is unhappy, should you consider moving her to b team. You probably should have just left it at that, without the discussion of Ivy League, uswnt, your opinion that she's top 3, random opinions she is an odp player, her robotics and computer programming genius, her musical genius, etc. It comes across as either being a joke or just seriously obnoxious and out of touch with reality.


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## tugs (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker,
     Not quite sure why you seem fixated on Ivys.  There are a ton of great colleges/universities that will get your kids to where they need to go in life without the added pressure of having to get into those handful of institutions (much less play soccer for one).  I'm on the admissions committee for a university medical school and believe me, whether the applicant comes from an Ivy or one of those other quality institutions does not make a difference (at least not in my field).  My DDs were both on the second team at DA/ECNL club before coming up to first teams after GU12/13.  Keep the pressure off and if they have fun and love the sport they will excel.   Key (as stated by lambchop) is to find the right coach that will develop their technical skills and comfort on the ball at youngers, then tactical awareness in the older age group.  But having them continue to love the game is key as I'm sure you know, a minority of Ulittles in a top team will actually persevere and continue to the Uolders at college scouting ages.  Enjoy the ride with your DD but don't take the fun out with undue pressure/expectations in my opinion.


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## sdb (May 3, 2017)

For anyone interested, here's a Google doc that tracks soccer commitments (girls) by college, club, year, etc. You can see the players and their pedigree/accomplishments for each school (Ivy's included) in the recruiting class. 

https://sites.google.com/site/soccerrecruits/


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## NoGoal (May 3, 2017)

Makes me wonder if your past alias were msoccerm and drtbkchic.  These 2 posters were also catfishing within the last month.


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## timbuck (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> So at what age does it start mattering?  12? 13? 14? We know this year isn't such a big deal, but if we switch to the B team and a year or two from now they still aren't looking for players from B team for the DA team, then we've screwed ourselves. Seems like a lot of folks on these threads show concern about certain clubs preferring to recruit from outside for their A teams rather than from their B.


48 replies of which nearly a dozen are from you.  And another 5 or so asked what age group.

Here is why age group matters:

A kid prior to middle school should LOVE everything about her team.  Her coach, her teammates, the parents on the sideline, and the amount of time she has outside of soccer to do other things she cares about (school, friends, another sport, walking the dog, etc) .  Being excited about practice; being excited about going to lunch with some of the team after a game; looking forward to a carpool to a far away game; and getting quality training will instill her love for the game.  Which hopefully will translate into her wanting to put in extra work outside of practice.
Puberty can be a big game changer for short or long term.  The kid that was a little small and a little slow all of the sudden is a bit bigger and a bit faster.  The speedy, mature kid packs on some weight before she hits a growth spurt and slows down a bit.  The kid who plays like a bull in a china shop and never rests,  gets an overuse injury and needs to sit out a few weeks.
This is why it's important to have a good sideline that recognizes a lot can change and will support the players.  And a coach that can recognize this also.
If the kid is 9 years old and joined a club because they have DA or ECNL for you in a few years and you are worried that moving to the "b" team will have a lasting impact-  Take a look at how many coaches move around each year.  And how many kids move around each year.  By the time she is 13, I'm willing to bet that some of the current DA teams will change (they'll either leave the program, will get acquired or go out of business).


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## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

chargerfan said:


> I think people had no problem with your basic question - if your daughter is unhappy, should you consider moving her to b team. You probably should have just left it at that, without the discussion of Ivy League, uswnt, your opinion that she's top 3, random opinions she is an odp player, her robotics and computer programming genius, her musical genius, etc. It comes across as either being a joke or just seriously obnoxious and out of touch with reality.


Appreciate the comment. The only reason I brought it up was to provide context - because yes, she's not starting and there are a-holes out there that would automatically say that she must suck, give it up - so I wanted to provide context with true feedback we've received  - essentially that coaches around us all felt she had potential - she's not there today and she may go nowhere with soccer - but she has potential as of now and she wasn't one of the players taken just because they needed to finish the roster. By no means was it intended to be obnoxious. I am proud of my kid, just like most other parents - I also know more than anyone her faults, flaws in her game, and everything else - I never complained she was on the bench, but I know she needs playing time to develop. 

The reality is, most of us whether we post it in the forum or not, from day 1, felt that their kid had potential. It could all change dramatically in a matter of days - especially in their teens with hormones, etc... but so long as the potential is there and the desire is there, we want to help give them the best options possible, right?  The last thing I want to do is to guide them in a way that will hinder their future prospects.  We're all still figuring this out and that's why I posted... I'm sure I will look at this years from now and laugh - I don't blame you guys for thinking I'm crazy and to relax. but right now, it's stressful - especially when you're on a team where all the other parents are crazy too and this is all they talk about.


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## Eagle33 (May 3, 2017)

I'd suggest to use one of those sprays - I just did.


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## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

BrewHaHa said:


> Wow the poster's tone sure did shift dramatically when confronted.


Well, like I said in op, I'm well aware that there are assholes out there and have no problem dealing with them... and my kid gets it too, but I'm sure most would agree that if given the choice, you wouldn't want to be on the same team with them. =)


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## rocket_file (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> I dunno buddy... let's see, 48 replies to a topic that I'm sure plenty of folks experience at any age level - if this thread doesn't interest you, seems to me that you're the one who needs to get a life, no?
> 
> btw, re: "These are clearly made up facts" so which is it, are these facts or are they made up?  make up your mind. you can't just make up a fact dumbass.  do i need to explain it you?


Best of luck with the Ivy's LilStriker!

LOL


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## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

timbuck said:


> 48 replies of which nearly a dozen are from you.  And another 5 or so asked what age group.
> 
> Here is why age group matters:
> 
> ...


Appreciate the post. This makes complete sense and it's great perspective. I'm sure it's easy to see in hindsight - but the reality also is that for these larger/stronger clubs, a LOT of players try out and it can be very difficult to get noticed or stand out. No matter what, you are still going to have to earn it - but it can make things a heck of a lot easier if all the coaches already know you from the A team and you've been guesting with that other coach vs oh yeah, she's that player from the B team - don't you think?  For a lot of these clubs, it seems like their teams were already determined well before state cup - whether through open practices or other... 

But yes, I agree that lots can change.

I guess bottom line, what I'm hearing is basically, don't worry about playing on the A team if she's not having fun - get her on a team with a good coach where she feels welcome and fits in and gets to play. 

My follow up question then is, at what age does she need to start thinking about which teams she should really try to make if she wants to pursue college ball?


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## NoGoal (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> My follow up question then is, at what age does she need to start thinking about which teams she should really try to make if she wants to pursue college ball?


You are asking the forum, yet posted (see below) that your friend's DD is already being recruited.  Then shouldn't you already know or you can ask them, since they shared their DDs recruiting emails with you.  



LilStriker said:


> I dunno, the recruiters emailed the coaches specifically mentioning the player's name, performance at the showcases, and their "resume". The DD's coach  forwarded to player's parents. I can't remember if they even mentioned a camp - but it certainly wasn't the focus of the messages. What I do remember was the emails generally said there was genuine interest, they looked forward to seeing them progress and to keep in touch.  These parents did not reach out to any of those schools initially either - so it wasn't a "thank you letter".


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## rainbow_unicorn (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> My follow up question then is, at what age does she need to start thinking about which teams she should really try to make if she wants to pursue college ball?


Who wants her to play college ball more?  You or her?  Her focus should be on enjoying the game and working on individual skill.  Move her to a team that has a good coach and with whom she enjoys playing with.  Everything else will fall into place (which may not include collegiate soccer).


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## MakeAPlay (May 3, 2017)

Grace T. said:


> Meh....the competition has gotten a lot more intense on both the sports and academic fronts....my sons (still in elementary school) have classmates who pretty much spend their afternoons at Kumon or Chinese Learning Center and then are packed off for music/sports/art classes until a late evening dinner....not to mention the competition now from overseas (since overseas they track and kids that don't make it there are sent packing over here)...my grades back then certainly aren't good enough now....so I get why parents freak out.  The OP has one thing right, though, which is 9th grade is the time if I kid is bound for the elite schools whether to go on the academic or sports tracks since they are very different and time is not unlimited.
> 
> I agree Lacrosse, crew, field hockey and swimming are all better ways to sneak into an Ivy.  I disagree though about golf (or tennis before anyone mentions it)....unless they are the best of the best....too many wannabe families stick their kids into golf or tennis to check the sports box for mediocre athletes so the applicants are very numerous with these....unless they are the best of the best, being an above average golf/tennis sports kids won't help and if you are really good going to the pro circuit will make a lot more than soccer.


I agree with everything that you said except the sports vs. academic tracks.  On my player's college team all of the girls are good students and some are brilliant.  One of the reasons that I always liked the soccer girls clique is that most of them had outstanding grades!  Players can have it all.  Play at an academically challenging school, at the highest level and have the full experience.  It just requires a ton of hard work.  The quote that I sent my playre this morning went like this:

"Train while they rest, study while they have fun, persist while they quit, and then live what they can only dream of..."

Girls can have it all.  #POWERTOTHEGIRLS!


----------



## Sheriff Joe (May 3, 2017)

MakeAPlay said:


> I agree with everything that you said except the sports vs. academic tracks.  On my player's college team all of the girls are good students and some are brilliant.  One of the reasons that I always liked the soccer girls clique is that most of them had outstanding grades!  Players can have it all.  Play at an academically challenging school, at the highest level and have the full experience.  It just requires a ton of hard work.  The quote that I sent my playre this morning went like this:
> 
> "Train while they rest, study while they have fun, persist while they quit, and then live what they can only dream of..."
> 
> Girls can have it all.  #POWERTOTHEGIRLS!


And vote republican.


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## MakeAPlay (May 3, 2017)

Sheriff Joe said:


> And vote republican.


You need to look at the voting map for Millenials Joe if you want to see what the future will look like and it is the most beautiful shade of BLUE...


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## Sheriff Joe (May 3, 2017)

MakeAPlay said:


> You need to look at the voting map for Millenials Joe if you want to see what the future will look like and it is the most beautiful shade of BLUE...


Wow, that doesn't look very promising, good thing I am on the back nine of life.


----------



## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

NoGoal said:


> You are asking the forum, yet posted (see below) that your friend's DD is already being recruited.  Then shouldn't you already know or you can ask them, since they shared their DDs recruiting emails with you.[/QUOTEbut it's good to get different perspectives, no?


You crack me up. First off, I don't think you and Eagle really know what trolling and catfishing means... please look it up... I'm not sure it's even possible to troll your own thread." And I didn't realize this was such a controversial topic. 

 I also hardly think I'm trying to be your fake online Gf, so no, not catfishing.

Not sure what your issue is, but I assure you this is not a fake post and yeah I probably will ask our friends at some point... I just didn't want to bombard them with questions and sound crazy, better to sound uninformed and crazy anonymously! That said, even with their input, that's just one data point and it's nice to get different people's perspectives. They're going through this for the first time and a lot of you already have DD's completely through.

The reason I'm not giving age is because I know the other parents are also on this forum and my intention is not to cause conflict nor draw attention while we decide. They will easily recognize this situation and it will just make the team dynamic even worse and isolate us even more.


----------



## Mystery Train (May 3, 2017)

timbuck said:


> 48 replies of which nearly a dozen are from you.  And another 5 or so asked what age group.
> 
> Here is why age group matters:
> 
> ...


I can second everything in this post. 

Lilstriker, I'll also add that we went through an almost identical phase with our DD.  Her first year playing on the "A" team at a big club, we experienced all the discomfort you described, especially the parent situation.  That sideline was so high strung, it was easily the most miserable season we had as parents watching our kid play.  But we survived, and so did my DD's love of the game.  Of course, we did move on to a better situation (not all A teams are like that, but there are plenty).  Looking back, although that year sucked, it was a learning experience and we are wiser now because of it.  And here's what we learned:

Playing on the "A" team, or an ECNL team, or a DA team, or an Ivy league team, or the freaking National team doesn't mean s^!# if she's not enjoying it. 

There's plenty of miserable people playing elite level sports or attending Ivy League schools.  For god's sake, don't make that the goal.  Focus on the process, not the result.


----------



## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

MakeAPlay said:


> I agree with everything that you said except the sports vs. academic tracks.  On my player's college team all of the girls are good students and some are brilliant.  One of the reasons that I always liked the soccer girls clique is that most of them had outstanding grades!  Players can have it all.  Play at an academically challenging school, at the highest level and have the full experience.  It just requires a ton of hard work.  The quote that I sent my playre this morning went like this:
> 
> "Train while they rest, study while they have fun, persist while they quit, and then live what they can only dream of..."
> 
> Girls can have it all.  #POWERTOTHEGIRLS!


I think her point wasn't to not do everything academically but when you apply, you either apply as a normal applicant academically with soccer as an ec and not intending to play or get recruited and try to get in via soccer, not both. If you're trying to just get in academically and not play soccer, playing DA isn't going to help your application.... did I get that right?


----------



## Soccer (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> So our kiddo made the "A" team at a "top" competitive club, but now we're having second thoughts. We really like the club and coach - but team dynamics seem totally dysfunctional. The players overall are very good and they train hard. But parents are ULTRA competitive, feels like everyone's only looking out for their own kid and for some, if they're not yelling at your kid, they're yelling at their own - seriously. That attitude has unfortunately started filtering down to what otherwise would be good kids. Besides a small clique that trains together outside, none of the players nor parents really care to hang out with each other - a couple players are just downright jerks.
> 
> Is this normal and what it takes to be among the best? Our impression is the club is preparing these girls for DA in a few years where it seems more focused on individual play anyway. Objectively, our DD is probably ranked middle on the team but she's not starting (first off bench) and she really could use more playing time to develop.
> 
> ...


It would be interesting to know the team.  Sounds like a team I know of.

Cut bait and make sure it is fun!  Because if it is not fun then she will eventually quit or her confidence will become eroded.  Find the most competitive team with nice girls.  Where that is you will have nice parents, usually.


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## NoGoal (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> You crack me up. First off, I don't think you and Eagle really know what trolling and catfishing means... please look it up... I'm not sure it's even possible to troll your own thread." And I didn't realize this was such a controversial topic.
> 
> I also hardly think I'm trying to be your fake online Gf, so no, not catfishing.
> 
> ...


Sorry, but revealing your DDs age group will not reveal your true identity and trust me I have outed a lot of SoCal posters during my time.  

As for catfishing.  You may not be trying to get a romantic online romance going with any of usc but you're definately NOT as naive about club soccer as you want us to believe.  I would even say, you would fit in nicely with the parents you are complaining about on your DDs team now.  Especially you believing she is already a top 3 player on the team speed and skill wise.


----------



## NoGoal (May 3, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> You crack me up. First off, I don't think you and Eagle really know what trolling and catfishing means... please look it up... I'm not sure it's even possible to troll your own thread." And I didn't realize this was such a controversial topic.
> 
> I also hardly think I'm trying to be your fake online Gf, so no, not catfishing.
> 
> ...


Sorry, but revealing your DDs age group will not reveal your true identity and trust me I have outed a lot of SoCal posters during my time.  

As for catfishing.  You may not be trying to get a romantic online romance going with any of us, but you're definately NOT as naive about club soccer as you want us to believe.  I would even say, you would fit in nicely with the parents you are complaining about on your DDs team now.  Especially you believing she is already a top 3 player on the team speed and skill wise.


----------



## MakeAPlay (May 3, 2017)

Sheriff Joe said:


> Wow, that doesn't look very promising, good thing I am on the back nine of life.


Don't bet on "being on the back nine of life" Joe.  Most everyone is living longer these days.  If you are a Gen Xer like me you are going to live long enough to see the results of all of the good and bad decisions that we are making individually and as a society right now.

Unless, of course, you are planning on death by police.


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## Sheriff Joe (May 3, 2017)

MakeAPlay said:


> Don't bet on "being on the back nine of life" Joe.  Most everyone is living longer these days.  If you are a Gen Xer like me you are going to live long enough to see the results of all of the good and bad decisions that we are making individually and as a society right now.
> 
> Unless, of course, you are planning on death by police.


You lips to God's ears. 
The police have no beef with me, unless of course the Westwood police have an apb out on me.


----------



## MrXor (May 3, 2017)

Kind of sucks that there are truly helpful people here who are being punked by folks with way too much
times on their hands. I learned alot from reading these posts, so don't let a few folks off their meds
ruin it for others.


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## LilStriker (May 3, 2017)

Mystery Train said:


> I can second everything in this post.
> 
> Lilstriker, I'll also add that we went through an almost identical phase with our DD.  Her first year playing on the "A" team at a big club, we experienced all the discomfort you described, especially the parent situation.  That sideline was so high strung, it was easily the most miserable season we had as parents watching our kid play.  But we survived, and so did my DD's love of the game.  Of course, we did move on to a better situation (not all A teams are like that, but there are plenty).  Looking back, although that year sucked, it was a learning experience and we are wiser now because of it.  And here's what we learned:
> 
> ...


Thanks for the encouragement- in hindsight, would you have stayed with that team again and waited until it changed? Or just left because it wasn't worth it? How many seasons were you with them before it got better.

Part of me is still saying just tough it out, it ain't that bad, maybe it'll get better. DD says she's ok with it. the other part is like, well I really do think she'd have more fun with the other team... sigh.


----------



## Striker17 (May 3, 2017)

I have read this thread with enthusiasm and I am still stuck in the fact that @Grace T seems to know an awful lot about Ivy admissions and I want to know how!


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## Desert619 (May 3, 2017)

Try out the other team. Check out the vibe and if she likes it then move her. She will be a starter and get more playing time, her confidence will go up and she will love to play. It's a win win all around so what's to think about? 

What you're  experiencing is common in the "a" team. Parents can be snobs and that transfers over to their children. 

Best of luck!


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## timbuck (May 3, 2017)

You could also be on the "b" team, but play on the "a" team once in a while.  Might be worth having a conversation with the coaches about this.  Again- sort of depends on the age group we are taking about. On a 9 or 10 year old team, probably no big deal. But older girls will chat about "why is Sally playing with us again?  I thought she was on the lower team."


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## LilStriker (May 4, 2017)

Desert619 said:


> Try out the other team. Check out the vibe and if she likes it then move her. She will be a starter and get more playing time, her confidence will go up and she will love to play. It's a win win all around so what's to think about?
> 
> What you're  experiencing is common in the "a" team. Parents can be snobs and that transfers over to their children.
> 
> Best of luck!


Thanks - any tips on how to go about that? Never been in this situation before and honestly wouldn't even know what to say to the coach. Who's even to say that they'll take her on the B team - it's pretty full. 

Also, even though I know the right answer is to just switch teams - possibly clubs,  part of me still wants to try and hold out to see if things get better or if we can help be part of the change - DD says she can handle it but I can tell it's wearing. Like I mentioned before, outside of this craziness, I think most of the parents are actually really good people. There are even a few who I actually really like, but I think their way of surviving is mostly just to avoid everybody, LOL.  sigh.


----------



## Mystery Train (May 5, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Thanks for the encouragement- in hindsight, would you have stayed with that team again and waited until it changed? Or just left because it wasn't worth it? How many seasons were you with them before it got better.
> 
> Part of me is still saying just tough it out, it ain't that bad, maybe it'll get better. DD says she's ok with it. the other part is like, well I really do think she'd have more fun with the other team... sigh.


We did one season on that team and then changed clubs the following year.  As far as I know, the situation on that team never really got better until after several coaching changes and some of the more toxic parents left.  But that took a long time and it wouldn't have been worth it to stay.  In hindsight, it still wasn't necessarily the wrong thing to put her on that team.  Like I said, she learned a lot from the experience.  It made her stronger. Knowing what I know now, with my younger son, we would do some things differently if he decides club soccer is something he wants to do.  #1. Handle the "youngers" years (below 14) as a totally separate phase from the "olders" (14 and up) years.   #2. Take all the time necessary to find a great coach who is the right fit for him in those youngers years and try to stay with him/her. #3. COMPLETELY avoid the big club/A-team/"Elite"/"Premier"/ team ranking craziness in the youngers phase.  It's worthless.  Develop the skills in those years, and IF the player has the physical gifts, when the player is 14 or 15, there WILL be a place for him/her on an elite team.  Always.  And if the player doesn't have the gifts or can't get on an elite level team by that age, well, it just wasn't meant to be and you wouldn't have wasted all those developing years stressing out over wins and losses.  Just my .02, but I have seen ZERO advantage to being on top level teams younger than 14 in the long run for players.  At the younger ages, it's all about finding the right coach.   If you don't even know who the coach is for this A team, there is absolutely no way to know if it's a good fit for your kid.  We've seen some downright terrible coaches coaching the top age group team at big clubs, and great ones coaching B and C teams.  Now, the priorities are a bit different for HS age players who want to play college because of the emphasis on exposure (which is why everyone kept asking you what age).  So take that into consideration if your kid is currently a freshman or a sophomore.  In that case, playing on a top level team will help with her profile and the joylessness of the team will not affect her nearly as much because she's mature enough to put more focus on handling her own business.  In theory, of course...every kid is different.


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## jrcaesar (May 5, 2017)

^^^^^ New soccer parents should read/understand/heed this post from @Mystery Train. Such good advice. ^^^^^


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## MakeAPlay (May 5, 2017)

Mystery Train said:


> We did one season on that team and then changed clubs the following year.  As far as I know, the situation on that team never really got better until after several coaching changes and some of the more toxic parents left.  But that took a long time and it wouldn't have been worth it to stay.  In hindsight, it still wasn't necessarily the wrong thing to put her on that team.  Like I said, she learned a lot from the experience.  It made her stronger. Knowing what I know now, with my younger son, we would do some things differently if he decides club soccer is something he wants to do.  #1. Handle the "youngers" years (below 14) as a totally separate phase from the "olders" (14 and up) years.   #2. Take all the time necessary to find a great coach who is the right fit for him in those youngers years and try to stay with him/her. #3. COMPLETELY avoid the big club/A-team/"Elite"/"Premier"/ team ranking craziness in the youngers phase.  It's worthless.  Develop the skills in those years, and IF the player has the physical gifts, when the player is 14 or 15, there WILL be a place for him/her on an elite team.  Always.  And if the player doesn't have the gifts or can't get on an elite level team by that age, well, it just wasn't meant to be and you wouldn't have wasted all those developing years stressing out over wins and losses.  Just my .02, but I have seen ZERO advantage to being on top level teams younger than 14 in the long run for players.  At the younger ages, it's all about finding the right coach.   If you don't even know who the coach is for this A team, there is absolutely no way to know if it's a good fit for your kid.  We've seen some downright terrible coaches coaching the top age group team at big clubs, and great ones coaching B and C teams.  Now, the priorities are a bit different for HS age players who want to play college because of the emphasis on exposure (which is why everyone kept asking you what age).  So take that into consideration if your kid is currently a freshman or a sophomore.  In that case, playing on a top level team will help with her profile and the joylessness of the team will not affect her nearly as much because she's mature enough to put more focus on handling her own business.  In theory, of course...every kid is different.



What a thorough, non hostile, informative and true post.  Great post MT!!


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## sandshark (May 5, 2017)

I would find the best situation for you DD, make sure she is happy and feels welcomed by the team and the coach. 
Always AT ALL AGES make it fun first!


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## uburoi (May 5, 2017)

I kind of look at it like a job. My young DS was not doing great on a pre-academy team, but he was out there working on it and trying to figure it out. I tried to suffer in silence and did as I saw him trying to figure things out, and a lot of times I almost left for somewhere closer with probably not very good training and definitely worse parents. But no one told him us to go despite what I told myself over and over about what my son could and couldn't do. But like a job, he kept on just going out there doing his own thing. And he's still way under 14 and has time. And after a while he's starting to figure things out - we talked, I sometimes yelled, we talked, his mom talked to him. We've all been there. He said he didn't want to leave. But kids never do, do they? They don't understand leaving a job and going to a new one - we barely get that as adults, right. A good coach once said that a kid stays if he's improving and he likes it. If he leaves then we don't want unhappy people here anyway. As parents we forget that part. As far as toxic environments go, yeah, that ruins everything. It took a while on our team, but we tell the new parents to shut up on the sidelines.


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## MWN (May 5, 2017)

LilStriker said:


> Thanks - any tips on how to go about that? Never been in this situation before and honestly wouldn't even know what to say to the coach. Who's even to say that they'll take her on the B team - it's pretty full.
> 
> Also, even though I know the right answer is to just switch teams - possibly clubs,  part of me still wants to try and hold out to see if things get better or if we can help be part of the change - DD says she can handle it but I can tell it's wearing. Like I mentioned before, outside of this craziness, I think most of the parents are actually really good people. There are even a few who I actually really like, but I think their way of surviving is mostly just to avoid everybody, LOL.  sigh.


I'll admit that I skimmed some of the posts.  What I read from you was that you have parents yelling at the kids (I assume its not just "Way to go Suzi.")  It sounds like you have a weak coach and/or manager.  There is absolutely no room in youth sports for parents to "criticize" any player that isn't their own.  Moreover, parents should not be instructing their own players during practice or the games.  Having parents sitting around talking amongst themselves is one thing.  Saying shit so the kids can hear is intolerable.

Talk to the coach and manager.  Explain what you have heard and the unacceptable comments.  Ask the Coach to have a "coming to Jesus" meeting with the parents and explain the Code of Conduct for your club/CSL/SCDSL/Cal South.  If it continues, politely asked to be assigned to the B team and/or refunded your money because the Coach has no control of the parents.

Given your name "lilstriker" and what appears to be your newness to Club soccer, I'm going to assume your daughter plays on what we refer to as a u-little team (7v7 or even 9v9).  Here is the deal, parents of the U12 and under crowd are delusional and crazy.  They think their prepubescent kid playing on the A team makes them good parents.  Little do they know that puberty is a cruel mistress and the genetic recipe they gave their kid will mean much more once the growth stops vertically and starts horizontally (U13 and U14), by U15 most of those A club kids will be out of soccer.

Your job as a parent is to provide your kid an opportunity to play soccer and have fun.  Once the game is no longer fun, all but a few select few of kids lose interest.  That said, you would be amazed at how much abuse these kids can take and keep on moving forward.  My son, a GK, remembers hearing a teammates parent once chastise his striker son for not taking a shot during a scrimmage with the words "Hey, take the shot, its "MY SON'S NAME" in goal, he can't stop your shots."   I heard it, the boy heard it.  He still remembers it, but takes it as a challenge.


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## Striker17 (May 6, 2017)

MWN said:


> I'll admit that I skimmed some of the posts.  What I read from you was that you have parents yelling at the kids (I assume its not just "Way to go Suzi.")  It sounds like you have a weak coach and/or manager.  There is absolutely no room in youth sports for parents to "criticize" any player that isn't their own.  Moreover, parents should not be instructing their own players during practice or the games.  Having parents sitting around talking amongst themselves is one thing.  Saying shit so the kids can hear is intolerable.
> 
> Talk to the coach and manager.  Explain what you have heard and the unacceptable comments.  Ask the Coach to have a "coming to Jesus" meeting with the parents and explain the Code of Conduct for your club/CSL/SCDSL/Cal South.  If it continues, politely asked to be assigned to the B team and/or refunded your money because the Coach has no control of the parents.
> 
> ...


Great post. I am thankful someone touched on the fact that you shouldn't want to play for a Coach that can't control his sidelines. Coaches that can't control parents usually also have issues with favoritism and inappropriate conversations and relationships. Toxic parents don't change but when they are held to a standard they sure can.
If the issue is the culture there are options. PM me if you need help  @LilStriker.
This post was so true everyone. Puberty has wrecked my girls age group and we are just getting started. The two stars at 9-10- and by stars I mean the two top players that could be on any team from Blues to Surf are non factors now. Small, technical but their parents are 5'3 and the girls speed isn't helping them anymore. It's crazy and honestly hard to see them not starting or just being sad- working so hard but yet the writing is on the wall at the "top level" whatever that is. 
Enjoy the moments but also recognize when the environment is affecting your kid. It's not about our egos it's about what's best for them.


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## Striker17 (May 6, 2017)

MWN said:


> I'll admit that I skimmed some of the posts.  What I read from you was that you have parents yelling at the kids (I assume its not just "Way to go Suzi.")  It sounds like you have a weak coach and/or manager.  There is absolutely no room in youth sports for parents to "criticize" any player that isn't their own.  Moreover, parents should not be instructing their own players during practice or the games.  Having parents sitting around talking amongst themselves is one thing.  Saying shit so the kids can hear is intolerable.
> 
> Talk to the coach and manager.  Explain what you have heard and the unacceptable comments.  Ask the Coach to have a "coming to Jesus" meeting with the parents and explain the Code of Conduct for your club/CSL/SCDSL/Cal South.  If it continues, politely asked to be assigned to the B team and/or refunded your money because the Coach has no control of the parents.
> 
> ...


@MWN we used to have a trashy mom who would talk to Coach during practices about our kids. Watch out for Board Member parents they are the worst! Make sure you know the culture of a team before you step onto it. Teams who have large numbers of Board Member or Club kids yikes nothing but drama for days. If you are like me and literally just push your child out of the car and go get groceries etc, don't ever talk to Coaches etc it's good but I have seen many a friend lose their mind trying to dissect the happenings on a "political team".


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## bababooey (May 6, 2017)

MWN said:


> Here is the deal, parents of the U12 and under crowd are delusional and crazy.  They think their prepubescent kid playing on the A team makes them good parents.  Little do they know that puberty is a cruel mistress and the genetic recipe they gave their kid will mean much more once the growth stops vertically and starts horizontally (U13 and U14), by U15 most of those A club kids will be out of soccer.


So brutally honest, but so brutally true. You forgot to mention that most parents of the under 12 crowd honestly feel their son or daughter is destined for the USMNT or USWNT.


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## bababooey (May 6, 2017)

Striker17 said:


> @MWN we used to have a trashy mom who would talk to Coach during practices about our kids. Watch out for Board Member parents they are the worst! Make sure you know the culture of a team before you step onto it. Teams who have large numbers of Board Member or Club kids yikes nothing but drama for days. If you are like me and literally just push your child out of the car and go get groceries etc, don't ever talk to Coaches etc it's good but I have seen many a friend lose their mind trying to dissect the happenings on a "political team".


Great point. The board member parents (or a parent who is a coach within the club for another team) can be a nightmare. If we could eliminate the political BS from club soccer (all club sports) and base all decisions on the merit of the player and nothing else, we would be much closer to a true meritocracy.


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## Striker17 (May 6, 2017)

bababooey said:


> Great point. The board member parents (or a parent who is a coach within the club for another team) can be a nightmare. If we could eliminate the political BS from club soccer (all club sports) and base all decisions on the merit of the player and nothing else, we would be much closer to a true meritocracy.


There was also this other thing going around this year which I thought bizarre- a person not even registered at a club as a coach who was a asst coach coaching. Parent of a player who was an "assistant". Again it's things like that that make me stay very very far away and sign my DD up for SAT and robotics weekends. I have seen too many "party parent" and "friends with coach" relationships go very bad. It's just a matter of time


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## Striker17 (May 6, 2017)

bababooey said:


> Great point. The board member parents (or a parent who is a coach within the club for another team) can be a nightmare. If we could eliminate the political BS from club soccer (all club sports) and base all decisions on the merit of the player and nothing else, we would be much closer to a true meritocracy.


Board member parents are bad. Supremely bad in all cases I have been exposed to. However to be frank when you have a weak DOC (or passive shall I say) who is really not a "business person" coupled with an offsite "business person" loud mouth monkeys usually end up running the zoo. 
I think it's an absolute shame. Again it's a personal choice for us to stay away from those teams at younger ages because it's a mess. Usually by 14-15 suddenly the "stars" 9-14 suddenly aren't stars anymore (and most never were but they were able to hang on)


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## Buddhabman (May 8, 2017)

Where ever your kid enjoys playing, is where he or she should play.  Parents ruin all the fun. If the kid can deal and likes the team. That's all that matters, play on your phone, read a book at practices, walk some  laps on the track and in the park, at games sit at the far edge away from the problem parents.  Remind your kid to run hard and have fun.  Take Pics and enjoy!


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## LilStriker (May 9, 2017)

MWN said:


> I'll admit that I skimmed some of the posts.  What I read from you was that you have parents yelling at the kids (I assume its not just "Way to go Suzi.")  It sounds like you have a weak coach and/or manager.  There is absolutely no room in youth sports for parents to "criticize" any player that isn't their own.  Moreover, parents should not be instructing their own players during practice or the games.  Having parents sitting around talking amongst themselves is one thing.  Saying shit so the kids can hear is intolerable.
> 
> Talk to the coach and manager.  Explain what you have heard and the unacceptable comments.  Ask the Coach to have a "coming to Jesus" meeting with the parents and explain the Code of Conduct for your club/CSL/SCDSL/Cal South.  If it continues, politely asked to be assigned to the B team and/or refunded your money because the Coach has no control of the parents.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the great post and putting things back in perspective.  Reminding us that things will change over the next few years is reassuring as I shudder at the thought of having to deal with this for years to come. We're not completely new to club soccer, but new to this situation and we're really just having a hard time deciding what to do... we do see a lot of warning signs but it's not black and white - lots of positives as well. 

This past weekend I just sat away from the other parents and told DD to just ignore them. It certainly helped. She started this week, got more playing time, played well, and she seemed to have more fun. Still need to work on team dynamics and helping her find some friends on the team - maybe try to arrange something outside of soccer with one of the sane parents - but everyone is pretty busy. I feel like that's a critical missing piece and such a big part of the experience - being able to build relationships with your teammates - you spend so much time training. 

We do have a crazy parent that talks to the coach after every practice too... ugh. And no it's not the team manager, ha!

For now we're going to try to stick it out - the coach is a good coach and doing a good job teaching them "real" soccer. I don't know if he's aware of the sideline behavior. I asked her if she had fun this weekend and she said yes - of course she always does, and it wasn't  a super enthusiastic "Yes!" but better than last week. Will see how it goes, it's certainly been a few rough weeks but hopefully things get better. I figure we have a little bit more time to make the move if necessary .


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## El Clasico (May 9, 2017)

Dude! You are what is wrong with club soccer!!


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## Justafan (May 9, 2017)

bababooey said:


> So brutally honest, but so brutally true. You forgot to mention that most parents of the under 12 crowd honestly feel their son or daughter is destined for the USMNT or USWNT.



Have you been hanging out with NG or MAP recently?


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## MakeAPlay (May 9, 2017)

Justafan said:


> Have you been hanging out with NG or MAP recently?


Eventually every club parent comes to realize what club soccer is all about.  You can either use it or it will use you...


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## SIMONMAGUS (May 9, 2017)

Buddhabman said:


> Where ever your kid enjoys playing, is where he or she should play.  Parents ruin all the fun. If the kid can deal and likes the team. That's all that matters, play on your phone, read a book at practices, walk some  laps on the track and in the park, at games sit at the far edge away from the problem parents.  Remind your kid to run hard and have fun.  Take Pics and enjoy!


Outstanding post!


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## MWN (Jun 15, 2017)

Jerylkoma said:


> If you are looking for more information about drafts this year postseason you can check this website http://bettingtipsx.com/. And they also have a lot of information about betting predictions and a lot of tips with a close connection to MLB soccer.


Thanks, I was looking for more information about "MLB soccer."  Its so hard to find anything good information on the merger between baseball and soccer and how to bet this new sport.  Unfortunately, it appears your site only accepts fake passports and IDs.  Do you have any idea where I might get a fake "official" document ... I just can't seem to locate a single source for quality fake IDs to use to bet Major League Baseball Soccer.


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