What would you do?

D

Desert619

SILVER
I like the advice I get on here and i have another “what would you do question?”

DD is age 10, she was at the same club for 4 years playing flight 2. One of the top players on the team. She was having fun and very comfortable.

This year a flight 1 team from another club wanted her. I mean they really tried hard to recruit her. So we made the jump. She wasn’t getting the same opportunity to play up at her club of 4 Years. So we figured let’s try it and see what she can do. I knew this would take her out of her comfort level and challenge her.

Things are great. It’s a lot more competitive. The tournaments we play are really good tournaments like Blues, Manchester etc. I see her doing good and she seems happy, but then again she’s always happy. She can make the worst situation into a positive one.

So what’s the problem? The coach! He’s mean, negative and never has anything nice to say. He loses his shit at every practice and game. It takes everything in me not to get up and pull her out and never go back. Plus I see him trying to build a strong team and not focus on individual Player development. He doesn’t encourage dribbling, skills and creative play. It’s “pass, pass,pass!!” All day long. My DD trains outside of practice a lot.
It sucks that she’s not encouraged to use her skills.

So what would you do?

Stick it out and hope they change the coach or go back to her old club and play a lower flight? Btw her old club is all about player devolpment. They encourage skills, dribbling and creative play.
 
Eagle33 said:
do you have only 1 or the other option and nothing else?
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I’m sure we can take her somewhere else but I’d rather stick with these two clubs. I’m not interested in going anywhere else.

I should say the coach was pretty tolerable this past weekend. I’m hoping that’s a change we will continue to see moving forward.
 
What does your daughter say?
You may only hear the negative stuff that the coach yells out. But -Is he positive in team talks or individual conversations?
How many on the current team have been there for more than a season or 2? What is the sideline like during games? Do the parents feel the same way? Or do they love this style for their kid?
Has he coached with this club for a while? (If so, the chances of the club swapping him out next year aren't as likely).
 
Conflicted between the parent's value propositions.

1)wants kid on a winning competitive team
2)wants kid to develop for the future

Common dilemma. The decision to do anything is yours based on the particular situation and your value system.

Nobody, other than the player and the family, cars how many games and tournaments they win at 10 yrs old. That focus should be placed at older ages (U14 and above) so that the team can be accepted into high profile tournaments (or make DA/ECNL team) and visibility to college coaches.

A player needs to know when to dribble and when to pass. Its all part of developing soccer IQ and becoming a complete player. If doing privates help continuing development path, perhaps pass oriented team may actually help learn different aspects of the game. There's nothing that prevents a player from dribbling in the games as long as the ball is not turned over.

Example I see too often is when a player doesn't know when to take the space and keep the ball. By keeping the ball, a player draws defenders toward the ball; hence, opening up options for others. The other end of the spectrum is a player keeping the ball when one touch pass is the appropriate action (no space, asymmetrical alignment against you).

So you can see a player needs to know both. So with that as a background, back to you....
 
mirage said:
Conflicted between the parent's value propositions.

1)wants kid on a winning competitive team
2)wants kid to develop for the future

Common dilemma. The decision to do anything is yours based on the particular situation and your value system.

Nobody, other than the player and the family, cars how many games and tournaments they win at 10 yrs old. That focus should be placed at older ages (U14 and above) so that the team can be accepted into high profile tournaments (or make DA/ECNL team) and visibility to college coaches.

A player needs to know when to dribble and when to pass. Its all part of developing soccer IQ and becoming a complete player. If doing privates help continuing development path, perhaps pass oriented team may actually help learn different aspects of the game. There's nothing that prevents a player from dribbling in the games as long as the ball is not turned over.

Example I see too often is when a player doesn't know when to take the space and keep the ball. By keeping the ball, a player draws defenders toward the ball; hence, opening up options for others. The other end of the spectrum is a player keeping the ball when one touch pass is the appropriate action (no space, asymmetrical alignment against you).

So you can see a player needs to know both. So with that as a background, back to you....
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I love this response! You opened up my eyes and mind. I’m not at all about winning. I just want to see my dd develop and have fun.

She is learning the game and becoming a better all around player.
 
There are a couple of ways to look at this. Just because the coach yells and is hard on the girls doesn't mean that she isn't improving. The environment that you have her in is every bit as important as the individual coach. If the other girls on the team are good players and therefore your daughter is being pushed - she will improve, regardless of what the coach is like.

We don't give these kids enough credit at the younger ages. It is quite possible that the coaches actions are bothering you way more than they are bothering her - she will tell if you if she isn't having fun. If your young daughter continues to be a good player, she will have many different coaches during her career. They will all be different and have positives and negatives - she has to be able to deal with them all. In the end, it isn't about the screaming and yelling, it is about your daughters progress as a player.

That being said, it is important for a parent to be able to tell the difference between a difficult environment and a toxic environment. You will know right away if it is toxic.
 
timbuck said:
What does your daughter say?
You may only hear the negative stuff that the coach yells out. But -Is he positive in team talks or individual conversations?
How many on the current team have been there for more than a season or 2? What is the sideline like during games? Do the parents feel the same way? Or do they love this style for their kid?
Has he coached with this club for a while? (If so, the chances of the club swapping him out next year aren't as likely).
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She’s very positive. She says he yells a lot but it doesn’t bother her. They seem pretty happy but notice some negative behavior and say that’s just the way he is and look past it. He’s a good coach just seems upset all the time and Comes across angry.
 
Coaches are role models, the behavior you see when there under stress is normally who they are, not likely to change.

At age 10 I would be more concerned with my kids love of the game vs what flight or tournament they may play in.

Remember this is not a Sprint but a Marathon if you want to have kids who love the game enough to continue on to college age or beyond.

The drop out rate for youth sports continues to climb each year so lets your player drive what they want, we all have exceptions but those can cloud your good intentions.

All kids will eventually find there level and need good parental support to reach those goals. The journey in youth sports is often more important than the destination.

A good open positive relationship with coaches goes along way, I have always encouraged my players to talk to the coach and work everything out directly, some kids are too shy or young to say much but its good practice to at least try with them even if you have to stand beyond or "hold" the hands in the process. Let them express there feeling even if you have to Q&A with them to get it all out.

At this point at the start of the season, we always get these buyer remorse type posts so that's normal but until the next transfer window (thanksgiving) teaching kids to honor there commitments and work things out is normally would be the advice unless things are toxic and beyond repair which doesn't sound like the case.
 
texanincali said:
That being said, it is important for a parent to be able to tell the difference between a difficult environment and a toxic environment. You will know right away if it is toxic.
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A coach that is tough, but has respect for the players can work out. There is no way I would pay money to someone that showed disrespect to my kids however. I do not want to teach my children that it is OK for people in positions of authority to treat them like crap. They can get plenty of practice with how to deal with a shitty boss at school.
 
Even though it's too late you should do your "homework" before you make jumps...Go to practice and games before deciding. That first "scheduled" practice the coach will usually bite their tough... Normally in bigger club situations the coach normally passes on the team in a couple years. I think you just don't limit your scope to just 1-2 clubs - only if geographically this is the case. Always hard to find the perfect fit... But you are the consumer, shop and talk -- development is the most important thing at this age.... Good Luck.
 
Adding my two cents:
-If your DD is "clearly" the top two or three players on a flight 2 team, I would tend to challenge her to play a higher flight. This is assuming coaches are equal between the two teams you're considering.
-At age 10, one of the main goals and a question you should ask yourself is does my DD love soccer more now compared to a year ago? If she is doing a rain dance every time before going to a practice, then you know :-( If she doesn't love playing, she won't get better.
-It sounds like the coach is loud and tough, but not at the level of abusive from your description. If your DD is enjoying soccer and you as a family don't consider the coach abusive, I would finish up the season. U-little tryout are only 8 weeks away :)

Good luck.
 
Messi>CR7 said:
Adding my two cents:
-If your DD is "clearly" the top two or three players on a flight 2 team, I would tend to challenge her to play a higher flight. This is assuming coaches are equal between the two teams you're considering.
-At age 10, one of the main goals and a question you should ask yourself is does my DD love soccer more now compared to a year ago? If she is doing a rain dance every time before going to a practice, then you know :-( If she doesn't love playing, she won't get better.
-It sounds like the coach is loud and tough, but not at the level of abusive from your description. If your DD is enjoying soccer and you as a family don't consider the coach abusive, I would finish up the season. U-little tryout are only 8 weeks away :)

Good luck.
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No he isn’t abusive at all. I guess I have to learn to not take it so personal. She’s in a good spot. I just need to learn to develop thick skin. If it doesn’t bother her it shouldn’t bother me, I suppose.
 
I’m not in favor of abusive coaches. I will just say, she won’t be able to control how a coach or boss treats her in life.

If she’s not bothered, let it go. The main thing kids need besides the skills is confidence. A winning kid can go join any team and be a leader. That’s what you look for, confidence building.

If he’s tearing her down, leave after this year.
 
What was the problem with the older club? What was so great and enticing on the new club that made you take your DD away from what I'm gathering was a good situation for her?
 
Passing and receiving are the most important "skills" in soccer. If every player can do these 2 things very well, they will school other teams. If you can't do this consistently you cannot play possession soccer (not very well anyway.) Watch any premier league game and you will will see the players doing this perfectly 90% of a game. Dribbling (and other youtube moves) are a specialty that don't necessarily hurt, but the above are for more important and should be the foundation of any player, especially a 10 year old.
 
coachsamy said:
Mmmm... Define that higher level of play at 10yrs. old.
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Better, faster players. One of the reasons that DD switched teams back in the day was to play with players that would cross the ball instead of shooting it every single time, over and over again.
 
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