Coachlish-to-English Translations

W

Woodwork

SILVER ELITE
Some new phrases I've picked up this off-season in Coach-lish:

"I have a team." Translation: He has two players, three at most.
"Looking for 1-2 players." Translation: Looking for 3-4 players.
"Looking for 2-3 players." Translation: Looking for 6 players to field a team.
"Team needs a few impact players." Translation: Skills training is very important on his team, as long as it is provided by someone else.

Of course, not every soccer coach is speaking Coach-lish when they say these things, but a lot are!
 
Last edited:
“You guys played great. You were the better team today”
Translation: “shit. Piss. Hell. F word. How did we lose to THAT team”

“We are never going to blame the referees. We need to finish our chances and play smarter”
Translation: “That was totally the referees fault. What a stupid ass!! If I see him in a dark alley somewhere, I’m going to stab him with a butter knife”.
 
"Unlucky"
Translation: "What were you thinking! We've been over this in practice a thousand times! When are you going to get it? I'd drop my clip board and start screaming at you but I don't want to be one of those coaches."

"Let's thank the keeper for all his hard work in a difficult game."
Translation: "Keeper's fault we lost that one. Was late diving at minute 15."

"We're a team that likes to build out the back but it's important to keep the ball moving forward."
Translation: "If we get in trouble with a tougher team, I'm going to have my keeper woof it forward with a punt."

"We believe in developing the whole player."
Translation: "Yeah, I have to say that. You guys don't understand what it's like. I have all these parents complaining that we are losing all these games and that I should just have them pass the ball to Suzie."

"It takes a while for the team to come together."
Translation: "Oh my God, what did I get stuck with this year! I'm going to get fired, aren't I?"
 
I generally think of "Team needs a few impact players."...

As translation: Team is weak. Coach is desperate. There is no ability to score goals or win games. Team is in for a loooong season.
 
Here mine from the perspective of a referee:

"Handball!!!, Handball!!!, Handball!!!!!!!"
Translation: "I don't really know the handling rule, but my parents expect me to do something, so I'll entertain the 3 refs by showing I'm ignorant of the rules."

"Ref, Call it both ways!!!"
Translation 1: "I'm pretty sure that soccer being a contact sport only applies to one team and my team should be treated like 11 hemophiliacs."
Translation 2: "I've never heard the word "trifling" in all my years, I'm fairly sure its some sort of desert."
Translation 3: "Why yes, I was coaching an AYSO U8 team last year, how did you know?"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top