RefTeam etiquette

Art

SILVER ELITE
Today I had a very intense game, and with a coach that kept barking all game. The first half was mellow, few fouls that were trivial and not called and he automatically assumes that it's going against his team (they won).

Second half gets explosive and in succession the opposing team gets four consecutive yellows and eventually a red for a player for Abusive Language.

After the game he comes up to me all snobby and acting like a shmuck and mentions to me how it wasn't fair and the fouls called weren't even in the first half....and heres the tea, that he was counting the fouls with my AR. Supposedly there was a discussion on my performance between the AR and the coach. The referee happens to not be higher ranking....she comes over to me at halftime and mentions how i missed two soft calls for this higher level game. I'm baffled and defensive obviously because she was siding with the coach on a numerous things. Especially on my response to an potential offside situation that was not called. I don't need to quote the Law 11 in its entirety mid game.

Question is, is this proper behavior for your AR to be doing? Should they be questioning your calls with a coach regardless of how trifling it may be....shouldn't the cricitism be reserved for private discussions between the crew? And shouldn't you try to calm the coach down as an AR instead of fueling the fire...?? This was a first in my ref career. The other AR(very tenured) was totally supportive and saying that I did great in a crazy game like this.
 
I think you answered your own questions. Ref team first. Keep things in the team and discuss in private. Talking to the coach in that way will usually backfire on everyone.

lesson learned and you should block working with that AR again if you don’t feel like the AR has the teams best interest at heart.
 
Today I had a very intense game, and with a coach that kept barking all game. The first half was mellow, few fouls that were trivial and not called and he automatically assumes that it's going against his team (they won).

Second half gets explosive and in succession the opposing team gets four consecutive yellows and eventually a red for a player for Abusive Language.

After the game he comes up to me all snobby and acting like a shmuck and mentions to me how it wasn't fair and the fouls called weren't even in the first half....and heres the tea, that he was counting the fouls with my AR. Supposedly there was a discussion on my performance between the AR and the coach. The referee happens to not be higher ranking....she comes over to me at halftime and mentions how i missed two soft calls for this higher level game. I'm baffled and defensive obviously because she was siding with the coach on a numerous things. Especially on my response to an potential offside situation that was not called. I don't need to quote the Law 11 in its entirety mid game.

Question is, is this proper behavior for your AR to be doing? Should they be questioning your calls with a coach regardless of how trifling it may be....shouldn't the cricitism be reserved for private discussions between the crew? And shouldn't you try to calm the coach down as an AR instead of fueling the fire...?? This was a first in my ref career. The other AR(very tenured) was totally supportive and saying that I did great in a crazy game like this.

I wouldn’t. I usually think the AR should remind the coach that the center has a different angle of view, and will make different calls. Some good, some bad, the same as I make some good and some bad calls.

From your description, something went wrong. it is worth asking whether the second half got explosive in part because the small fouls in the first half went uncalled.
 
Not that I agree with it, but I have a feeling the AR just wanted to avoid confrontation by being buddies with the coach. Probably a fairly common event with people that like to avoid confrontation as much as possible, at all times. Hard to imagine that kind of personality is a referee, as confrontation is all we see...
 
Today I had a very intense game, and with a coach that kept barking all game. The first half was mellow, few fouls that were trivial and not called and he automatically assumes that it's going against his team (they won).

Second half gets explosive and in succession the opposing team gets four consecutive yellows and eventually a red for a player for Abusive Language.

After the game he comes up to me all snobby and acting like a shmuck and mentions to me how it wasn't fair and the fouls called weren't even in the first half....and heres the tea, that he was counting the fouls with my AR. Supposedly there was a discussion on my performance between the AR and the coach. The referee happens to not be higher ranking....she comes over to me at halftime and mentions how i missed two soft calls for this higher level game. I'm baffled and defensive obviously because she was siding with the coach on a numerous things. Especially on my response to an potential offside situation that was not called. I don't need to quote the Law 11 in its entirety mid game.

Question is, is this proper behavior for your AR to be doing? Should they be questioning your calls with a coach regardless of how trifling it may be....shouldn't the cricitism be reserved for private discussions between the crew? And shouldn't you try to calm the coach down as an AR instead of fueling the fire...?? This was a first in my ref career. The other AR(very tenured) was totally supportive and saying that I did great in a crazy game like this.

The fact that you are coming on this board full of hacks asking for validation leads me to believe that there is more to this story...
 
The fact that you are coming on this board full of hacks asking for validation leads me to believe that there is more to this story...
Don't be rude to the very good folks that are experienced referees on here. If you believe they're hacks, why are you on here? Some sort of validation for yourself?
 
I wouldn’t. I usually think the AR should remind the coach that the center has a different angle of view, and will make different calls. Some good, some bad, the same as I make some good and some bad calls.

From your description, something went wrong. it is worth asking whether the second half got explosive in part because the small fouls in the first half went uncalled.

The small calls that went uncalled or unmarked were for the winning team, in the second half the calls or the majority were for the winning side because in all fairness they were blatant fouls against them.

So the tables turned and the aggressiveness was from the losing/away team.

The escalation was due in part to the winning teams coach questioning everything from afar and the AR entertaining that behavior.

I think it was just one of those days where the lack of support from one member backfired.
 
The small calls that went uncalled or unmarked were for the winning team, in the second half the calls or the majority were for the winning side because in all fairness they were blatant fouls against them.

So the tables turned and the aggressiveness was from the losing/away team.

The escalation was due in part to the winning teams coach questioning everything from afar and the AR entertaining that behavior.

I think it was just one of those days where the lack of support from one member backfired.

I have seen the opposite, where an AR misidentified an obnoxious parent so the CR made the wrong one leave the field.
 
Today I had a very intense game, and with a coach that kept barking all game. The first half was mellow, few fouls that were trivial and not called and he automatically assumes that it's going against his team (they won).

Second half gets explosive and in succession the opposing team gets four consecutive yellows and eventually a red for a player for Abusive Language.

After the game he comes up to me all snobby and acting like a shmuck and mentions to me how it wasn't fair and the fouls called weren't even in the first half....and heres the tea, that he was counting the fouls with my AR. Supposedly there was a discussion on my performance between the AR and the coach. The referee happens to not be higher ranking....she comes over to me at halftime and mentions how i missed two soft calls for this higher level game. I'm baffled and defensive obviously because she was siding with the coach on a numerous things. Especially on my response to an potential offside situation that was not called. I don't need to quote the Law 11 in its entirety mid game.

Question is, is this proper behavior for your AR to be doing? Should they be questioning your calls with a coach regardless of how trifling it may be....shouldn't the cricitism be reserved for private discussions between the crew? And shouldn't you try to calm the coach down as an AR instead of fueling the fire...?? This was a first in my ref career. The other AR(very tenured) was totally supportive and saying that I did great in a crazy game like this.
if the AR was stabbing you in the back as you say, you're totally right to be upset. even if you were dicking it up, he/she should keep their big yapper shut to the coach and anyone except the ref team. and from the way you're describing it, you should have dealt with the coach's bitching early, and tossed him/her if necessary. bitching coaches make for bitching players. you might have saved yourself a supplemental. maybe, maybe not.
 
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