Sad Day. What would you do?

So my 08 GK son just announced he's likely calling it quits. He still might change his mind, but things seem different this time.

He's had a great season including 4 earned shutouts including against some silver teams. For many of the games, his team just tore through their bronze bracket and he sometimes didn't have anything to do (not counting those as shutouts if no SOGs). Team is being promoted next year. At League Cup is where things started to go south. They got through to the higher level silver and silver elite rounds. Coach had indicated this was DS's tryout for next year...started him the first game...he let in 3...nothing he could do about 1 of them (high to the corner), a 1 v 1 which he botched and got chipped on, and a low shot he got a hand on. He wasn't used to the speed of the game, or the fact these teams played the ball so high into the air. Coach pulled him second half for the understudy who did about the same...maybe a little better but the teams defense was also more organized and got challenged less and understudy didn't have the sun. After the tournie, coach and I talked and coach had indicated he's looking for an upgrade and that DS is not ready for silver. To be honest, I agree with the assessment. He's a solid bronze level keeper...he's got some good skills and is quick...but he's not big and beefy like most of the kids his age in the silver bracket, and he is a youngish 08 with the year shift. On the other hand, his coach while he does really care about the development of the kids, also just likes to win...DS's and his understudy's goalkicks are decent, for example, but sometimes he just has the biggest kid on the team boot it all the way.

So after his last negative club experience, the bad taste in our mouths of tryouts, and his disappointment this year, he's decided to hang it up. It's possible the club forms a new bronze team which would be a good fit for him, but he doesn't want to leave his friends, doesn't want to put himself through it, and is disappointed in his lack of progress. Could try to find another bronze club, but most of the local bronze clubs are in bad shape after the season (having gotten wrecked by our team and another) and none of them really know goalkeeping. He's been offered some slots before from other teams, but those would involve now substantial drives of at least 45 minutes to practice each way. Things might have been different if he was a really good field player and had that option, but he never really liked playing the field anyways....even if he were to focus on it a year in Extras and improve, it's not where his passion is. Things might have been different if we had been lucky to find a coach who knew goalkeeping and was interested in long term development (since it really does take a long time to develop a goalkeeper...Tackett is also on this point and how he then gets coaches in high school and college who want him to fix things but by then it's too late).

So I'm inclined to let him drop it. Maybe he'll come back to it later, but I doubt it...the entire experience left a bad taste in his mouth. I'm sort of relieved in part...his school work was beginning to get demanding and it was like training for 2 sports so it was so time consuming. I won't miss this roller coaster of emotions...from great highs to really low low...you have to have a thick skin to do the club thing (or be the 5%) and we are just both so darn sensitive. I'll miss the conversations most of all on the drive to games, as well as the smile he gave after doing a good job in a game. When he was at his best, he was his best self.

Any advice? Am I doing the right thing?
 
My daughter is GK for our 09 bronze team, and she is equal in skill to the 09 silver keeper, but the coach prefers the (slightly) taller keeper to play on silver. We have thought about pushing to have ours fight for the silver team, or moving clubs to get that starting spot. Similar to your situation, though, we didn't want to put her in a position where the stress and losing friends on her current team would cause her to despise the sport. We let her explore other sports previously to find her best fit, and at this age it is important to not destroy their enjoyment of the game. I would maybe have him try other sports/activities in the off-season, and if the love for soccer is still there, he can get back to it next fall. Good luck!
 
Our rule with the kids was they have to play a sport or intense physical activity, but they get to pick. Have him pick another sport/activity. I know a kid that ditched soccer for ballroom dance. One of mine quit soccer and did fencing for while, before asking to play soccer again. There are a lot of options to stay active.
 
Our rule with the kids was they have to play a sport or intense physical activity, but they get to pick. Have him pick another sport/activity. I know a kid that ditched soccer for ballroom dance. One of mine quit soccer and did fencing for while, before asking to play soccer again. There are a lot of options to stay active.

He was doing the pentathalon before he took up club soccer. Likes to run and loves horses and a pretty good shot. He doesn't like to swim, though. He's talking about taking it up again....it's still early but a good rule, plus he'll get back on track for getting his black belt in karate (he's been stuck at brown 1 all year because of soccer since he's only able to go once a week). So he'll be active...but it might cost me buying a horse. :(
 
some highlights....

Cool kid. It's too bad that the sport loses kids at 10 years old because of the disappointment and stress of being in club soccer. Yeah, definitely let him make the call. If you pressure him or even let on that you'll be disappointed if he stops, he might continue and the resentment will build.
Our rule with the kids was they have to play a sport or intense physical activity, but they get to pick. Have him pick another sport/activity
This exactly^^

We decided that was a family rule as well. Their choice, but it had to be some sort of physical or outdoor activity. One child did dance, basketball, volleyball and then yoga and zumba once she decided competition wasn't her thing. One did dance, soccer, volleyball and lacrosse, but settled on soccer at about 11 and never really looked back. The third one always wants to quit the sport he's in at the moment and start the one that is about to start, and goes from soccer to basketball to baseball, but when each one rolls back around, he is always excited to do it again. Although we had one kid specialize early, and it worked for her personality, I think it's terrible idea for most kids. Plus, at his age, taking a season or two off could do wonders for his enjoyment of the game. He'll be at school in a couple years and kids will be playing soccer at recess and he'll play and do something awesome and run home and tell you he wants to do it again. Good luck!
 
Year round soccer for a 9/10 year old can be daunting. Especially as a goal keeper. Especially if your last game was less than stellar and it was viewed as a tryout situation.
Take some time off. Skip any tryouts for the next month or so.
Teams are always looking for goalkeepers. If he decides he wants to come back and play, he’ll find a team.
 
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This is why im an advocate for coaches training an entire age group. Goalkeeping training at most clubs isnt intense enough. My son can stay with his age group from flight 3 to flight 1. A good coach will design training so keepers will get in work - not just leave it to the goalkeeping coach/practice. As our flight 3 scrimmage ends, flight 2 is completing warm ups and going drills setup for that practice. The flight 3 keepers can stay and mix in with flight 2 keepers to take shots during the drills. Keepers (and other players with higher skills sets) can remain for scrimmage. By this time flight 1 is finishing warmups and will start their practice with scrimmage against the Flight 2 team (with a few flight 3 kids mixed in). So lower flight keepers can mix in at goal against flight 1. Keepers can still remain for the 3rd practice and take shots against our flight 1 kids. Hopefully after a season doing this, kids have improved. Almost hard not to, unless kids dont take advantage of staying for the extra training. Obviously some kids cant stay for 3hours, but doing it once a week or staying for two training sessions can make a world of difference in development.

Even if this isnt feasible at some clubs, you can always ask to send your child to another coach's session (from a higher flight) within the same club. Most coaches arent going to say NO, especially if they dont have a back up. This way field kids arent pulled out of play to take their turn at being the keeper.

Maybe he will comeback. If not, plenty to do in So Cal.
 
No advice, but I feel you on the sadness. Our 2010 DS recently decided he’s done with baseball. Baseball isn’t even anyone’s favorite sport on our family, but it was still that moment of, “wait, it’s over?” But, we ultimately let him decide and also follow the approach of, as long as he’s doing something then okay.

It’s so hard when their love for playing gets hurt by external events. I hope it all works out.
 
This is why im an advocate for coaches training an entire age group. Goalkeeping training at most clubs isnt intense enough. My son can stay with his age group from flight 3 to flight 1. A good coach will design training so keepers will get in work - not just leave it to the goalkeeping coach/practice. As our flight 3 scrimmage ends, flight 2 is completing warm ups and going drills setup for that practice. The flight 3 keepers can stay and mix in with flight 2 keepers to take shots during the drills. Keepers (and other players with higher skills sets) can remain for scrimmage. By this time flight 1 is finishing warmups and will start their practice with scrimmage against the Flight 2 team (with a few flight 3 kids mixed in). So lower flight keepers can mix in at goal against flight 1. Keepers can still remain for the 3rd practice and take shots against our flight 1 kids. Hopefully after a season doing this, kids have improved. Almost hard not to, unless kids dont take advantage of staying for the extra training. Obviously some kids cant stay for 3hours, but doing it once a week or staying for two training sessions can make a world of difference in development.

Even if this isnt feasible at some clubs, you can always ask to send your child to another coach's session (from a higher flight) within the same club. Most coaches arent going to say NO, especially if they dont have a back up. This way field kids arent pulled out of play to take their turn at being the keeper.

Maybe he will comeback. If not, plenty to do in So Cal.


The added benefit of this system is that it also gives the goalkeeper many different legs to receive from, so it's harder to learn them all. One of the things that limits my son's development is the only real challenges he gets is shots from our own team since other teams bronze strikers don't get a ton of shots on goals, and those that do get through aren't silver level quality. He knows my leg and that of his GK coach and his GK training partner. Among our own kids, shooting isn't their strong suit with the exception of 3-4 players and by now he either knows their shot pattern or it goes to a corner where he can't get it no matter what he does. What really upped his game last winter was futsal, but that's also different since it doesn't use the full range of skills such as dives.
 
@Grace T., first I really hate the idea of a 9/10 year old sitting between the sticks full time.

I'll share with you my boys path:
  • U6-U10 - Played Rec soccer. He was always one of the better players on the field and didn't like playing goal. I was the coach for many of those teams. He played soccer, football, baseball and basketball at different times.
  • U11 - Moves to the equivalent of a Flight 3 / bronze team and is no longer one of the better players. His foot skills just are not there, but the level of play and coaching is better. He is one of two kids from his rec team, its him and another kid that is a little round/out of shape and will play goal. Unfortunately, the team sucks and he has never been on a bad team before. The little round kid blossomed, worked hard and by the end of the season was great. He finishes the year and tells me he is done with soccer. I tell him ... hold on, lets reevaluate in a month or two. He also played basketball.
  • U12 - Sign him up for Rec soccer and he tells me he wants to be the GK. Really? I'll coach again. Season starts, I put him in goal. After the first two games my assistant coaches pull me aside and tell me he shouldn't play goal because he is our best field player and we are struggling to connect 3 passes in a row, we need him on the field ... I reluctantly agree and he becomes our attacking mid. My deal with him then is get us up by 3 scores and I'll put him in goal. Mid-way through the season he tells me he can't play rec anymore because the level of play is so poor, he frustrated and doesn't trust his players ... Ok ... back to club (after the season).
  • U12 - U13 after Fall, signs on with a local club to be their 2nd GK. Does the State Cup run and has a blast. Coach is a bit of a jerk, but now he is getting good experience and attending GK practice with other GKs ... he is having fun. Plays another season with the club and begins to challenge the other GK for the starting position. Leaves club because the DOC and club policies regarding outside training at end of season. The kid gets frustrated and wants to quit again, I tell him to hold on, we'll take a break and continue to train with another club's GK practice. He get's a call from a Gold/Flight 1 team making a National Cup run in need of a GK ... it didn't go so well, but he got his "National Cup" sweatshirt.
  • U14 - signs on with another club/team (Flight 3) with a GK focused coach. Splits time in the field and for close games plays entire time in field. Coach tells him he is the better GK, but the team is short players and he is one of the better field players. As long as he is good with it, so am I. Puberty is in full swing, he hits his growth spurt ... now 6'0 starting to look a little more like a man ... a really skinny man with no muscles.
  • U15 switch clubs to a Flight 2/ Silver team that wants him to play a year up (U16) he will be the only GK. Season goes reasonably mediocre, he gets lots of shots, but feels the coach is too hard on him. Doesn't like his teammates. Get's invited to practice with the DA team, we do it once but its 50 minutes away. I absolutely hate the GK practices. One GK coach who allows the uLittles in at the older practices. These GK practices are a monumental waste of time, there is absolutely no reason why U12 girls should be shooting on U16 boys. The boy knows it as well. Says soccer just isn't any fun mid-way through the season, tells me this will be his last season.
  • Freshman - HS. Tries out and doesn't make the Frosh/Soph team ... makes the JV team. Now is playing with kids 2 years older. Continues to grow ... 6'2". Finds a renewed love for the sports, practicing with his classmates. Coach is fun, kids are older and better able to take criticism. JV season ends and the Varsity coach calls up two players for the Varsity playoff run. My boy (Freshman) and a Junior are two players. Practices for about two weeks with the Varsity team (14 year old against 17-18 year olds). He is nervous (OK ... scared shitless) the first practice, the coach pulls him aside and tells him he did great. The kid is on cloud 9.
  • U16 - His varsity coach encourages him to tryout for the coach's U18 Flight 1 team (another club). This club's GK coach is great, the kid really like him. The kid makes the U18 team and halfway through the season becomes the starter. He is playing 2 year up, playing with a few of the varsity players at his HS, getting emails from colleges to come to this camp and that camp. The local Cal State coach tells me that they really want him to attend their camp and have their eye on him, but he is still another year away from getting any offers (just a sophomore). He tells me he wants to give the DA another go, but also doesn't want to lose the ability to play HS. He is now 6'3".
  • Sophomore - HS. Makes varsity, is one of two keepers. My boy, 6'3" Sophomore and a Senior - 6'5". He is now in a battle to beat out the Senior and is loving it. Has his bad days and then his good days.
During this journey, the boy has played for 5 different clubs and had a different/new teammates and coaches for all but 2 years. Everytime we switched clubs it was to pursue better GK training ... sometimes it worked ... sometimes it didn't. He has wanted to or told me he was quitting soccer on at least 3 occasions where he was serious and about 10 occasions where he was just being dramatic.

We parents want the best for our kids and sometimes that means we let them quit. Other times that means we keep pushing them and help them find a better fit. At the end of the day, however, the kids play youth sports to have fun. There will be days where its not fun, but its all about fun.

My advice is go play rec soccer and basketball or some other sports. Have fun. The kid will figure out his path and probably quit a few more times. Your job as parent is to simply help the kid understand that youth sports serves two purposes: 1) help keep him fit; and 2) experience competition and failure in a safe and controlled environment. Find coaches that understand the foregoing and avoid the shitheads that don't. Encourage him to play in the field as part of his GK training. Foot skills and understanding positioning is critical at the higher levels. Play rec and keep it fun ... he is only 10.
 
[QUOTE="MWN, post: 231004, member: 1744]

My advice is go play rec soccer and basketball or some other sports. Have fun. The kid will figure out his path and probably quit a few more times. Your job as parent is to simply help the kid understand that youth sports serves two purposes: 1) help keep him fit; and 2) experience competition and failure in a safe and controlled environment. Find coaches that understand the foregoing and avoid the shitheads that don't. Encourage him to play in the field as part of his GK training. Foot skills and understanding positioning is critical at the higher levels. Play rec and keep it fun ... he is only 10.[/QUOTE]

Thanks. Your story is both a source of inspiration and scary at the same time since it’s already sounding familiar. Useful to know. Maybe if his skin isn’t thick enough he’s not cut out for this? Maybe the gk are the ones who don’t take no for an answer? In any case he’s seen me ref core and sees the kids can’t connect passes. He doesn’t want to do it especially if I don’t coach and my coaching him doesn’t really work well. Plus given the rec coaches I’ve worked with this season I can affirmatively state they are either for the most part clueless or douche bags just like the paid coaches. I’m trying to persuade him to do extras as a field player for a year but he’s not having any of it so far. Maybe with some time.
 
Has he tried volleyball? It is great cross training for keepers.
Basketball as great. My daughter dribbles a basketball at least 30 minutes a day(great for her hands), can now touch the backboard (jumping has improved greatly), is the quickest on the court(helps pouncing on those through balls and breakaways) and maneuvers through traffic for a rebound (perfect for corner kicks).

My daughter had 8 shutouts out of 14 games this year at silver, only 8 goals total. She would have been bored many games if not for our head coach. After getting 2-0 leads, he pushed the girls to play back to her, recycle, and play out of the back. This year showed the girls how much they can trust their keeper, and how using the keeper can put the other team at a major disadvantage. You just need to find the right coach and team.
 
Basketball as great. My daughter dribbles a basketball at least 30 minutes a day(great for her hands), can now touch the backboard (jumping has improved greatly), is the quickest on the court(helps pouncing on those through balls and breakaways) and maneuvers through traffic for a rebound (perfect for corner kicks).
I second the motion ... basketball is great for GKs.
 
Grace T., first let me say we would miss you too much if your kid quit. Second, I love this GK forum so much. You all walk the walk for sure and you are kind in sharing your opinions. Always.

Here is my 2 cents: Let your kid find their path, but try not to let them quit, if possible. Not yet. The landscape is a moving target for a young GK. Do what you need to do above anything. This position is hard. As hard for the parents, if not harder. I bet a lot of them would have quit. Mine might have, too, but other sports kept her head in the game and when she had a chance to choose, this is what she chose. I don't always have something to add to the brag thread except the fact that we are still here 5 years later, despite everything, and that counts. Maybe that alone is brag worthy! :)

At the end of the day, our GKs are getting so much out of playing this position. They are learning to be strong mentally. To keep getting up again and again when they are knocked down. To be a leader, when they are young. They are learning how to fail, and how to recover from that. Playing with strangers sometimes, and being overall different from the rest of the group. That said. I wish you the best in your path. I hope you can keep your kid in the game, hope that he finds other things too, and know whatever you choose you have to make the right choice for your family - and of course, continue to be a part of the GK forum. Regardless. Best wishes and feel free to message me offline if you would like.
 
I feel you, Grace T. I'm on this forum, because after six years, my kid decided over the summer to quit club ice hockey. I was devastated, and he was unsure he had made the right decision. His coach offered to keep reserve his spot for a few months, to be sure he was happy with his decision. Three months later, he hasn't looked back once. I'm the one that's still traumatized, as my friends, my world was in every ice rink in Southern California. I let him make the decision, and so far we are happy with it. But every time Facebook flashback shows me a photo of him in a rink, I still ache a bit. :( I know you'll come to a good decision for your child, but I agree with the others that I still would selfishly want you on this forum to help me and others.:)
 
Club soccer is meant for highly motivated kids so i would let it go, if he's ready to play again he will let you know.

Try something else or futsal, rec, school soccer for example if he just wants to play for fun.

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